Friday, February 13, 2009

Sick Love

Bigus is very tolerant in such a modern world. A world where almost anything is possible, but this story I share, is a shocker. This depraved, disgusting union, this filthy perverted relationship I read about this morning is just plain sick. Hold onto your stomachs.

Ipshit fan Simon Bardsley and Norwich fan Claire Hales are getting... MARRIED!

A horrifying sight if ever there was one.

WTF... does she know he turns into a vomit gargling trog at the stroke of midnight? Does she know that his disgusting stench will follow her around like a new puppy? Does she know that he is football retarded? Oh she must... but Claire doesn't care! That's because Claire is in love...Awwwwwww....(clank, bluuuuuuuuurh, wiping mouth, pushing bucket away)

The couple who met 8 years ago are getting married tomorrow. On Valentines Day.

Scummer Bardsley says "Settling down with Claire is the best thing that could have happened to me.” Ain't that the truth! This is like winning the lottery for a scummer, they usually have to settle for whatever creature the nearest farmer will breed for them.

Quick...Run before it is too late!

Miss Hales clearly needs some advice from Bigus if she is to make a go of this:

1: Never feed a scummer after midnight, The trog in him can turn violent on a full stomach.
2: He is going to want to take you shopping in his tractor. Insist he sells it for a car. This is how normal people hit the shops.
3: If you suspect he is having an affair, canvas the local livestock.
4: Avoid contact with him on Saturday's between 3 and 5 pm. This is when the average scummer turns into a complete gibbering buffoon. You won't understand a word he is saying. It may be upsetting.
5: End every argument with TWO-NIL, BINNER. It will put him in his place but may bring tears.

For history of his ancestry click here.

Good luck..You will need it, love!


ΓΌ75 said...

Reminds me of the ESPN commercial where the two people are making out on the couch. The camera pulls back to show one wearing a Ohio State sweatshirt, while the other is wearing Michigan. I was extremely bothered by that, exactly as the ad intended.

That was fake. I can only imagine how both sides feel about this.

jjf3 said...

My best friend in college was the son of an Ohio State-Michigan union, so I know those actually happen occasionally...

Matt said...

She shouldn't be allowed to wear that shirt. A TRUE Norwich fan would never stoop so low. That mingin scum is welcome to her as far as I'm concerned.