I know what you are thinking... Heidi took the picture.
Austria is banning the Vuvuzelas that invaded the Confederations Cup last month. That's rich for a country known for the love of blowing giant horns! But it's not the noise that the Austrians are worried about. One of their reasons is quite frankly bollocks. The other makes perfect sense.
So what's the reason? Apparently the Austrian professional football league says that the famous bee sounding horns "can be used as projectiles. Furthermore, they can incite aggressive behaviour amongst other fans."
No shit...Right, on those grounds I demand that the foam finger also be outlawed as I was poked in the eye once while a small child celebrated a goal against Stockport County and I am sure that could also happen in Austria. Also they will need to ban tea, apart from being housed in a dangerous plastic missile, the t-bags can be thrown at players or security staff. Oh no people. I have seen it. QPR away, that's what they got for selling the beverage cold!
In fact you would have to ban all items from coming in, money is a much more dangerous missile than a light weight plastic trumpet surely? Lets also ban that. Oh that's right, no money? No beer, burgers, pies, or replica kits. can't have that.
Culture? Not mine. I don't want my elders to travel across the country for a visit, thanks!
While Austria are certainly creative with one of their excuses,(it's a pretty shit missile) the second claim has validity. That's 'inciting aggressive behaviour'. The vuvuzela is as irritating as being sat on a bus full of mosquito's while small children sing the hokey pokey with Elmo. These trumpets, horns, plastic demons need to be stopped. The one tone drone that emits from the nasty buggers would turn a saint to sin. Personally if I ever find myself next to someone who is blowing one, I will react with a violence usually reserved for an episode of Friday night Smackdown. If I had my way, I'd make the ban law. Offenders would be locked in a bee filled chamber while I practice heavy metal classics with a Kazoo. See how they like it, bastards.
Well done Austria. Let's hope the rest of the World can follow suit.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Come Blow Your Horn, Just Not That One.
He's Baaaaaaaack!
Football management can lead to stress, but Pardew clearly fancies some more of that as SFC start on -10 points.
First of all, Southampton were saved from impending doom. A white knight riding a sterling stallion stormed St Mary's saving the day and now they have a new manager they will hope can take them forward. Alan Pardew was today installed at the south coast club and charged with not only overcoming a 10 point deficit but with getting the Saints promoted from League One.
Pardew has signed a 3 year deal and I can see him being there at least 3 years, with relegation being the only issue that could get in the way of a lengthy stay. The Saints realize they need to re-build and next season will be all about avoiding the drop and finishing in a decent position. Anything more will be a bonus. Liebherr doesn't appear to be in a rush, (unlike Norwich) to bounce back to the Colaship and Pardew will get time. A rarity in football these days. Saints fans are just grateful to be still in the game after a summer of administration. Norwich fans are still pissed and all associated with the club will be expecting to bounce right back up.
Southampton's new owner is clearly excited at the prospect of working with his new manager..."Alan has a strong track record and impressed us with his vision, commitment and ambition. We look forward to working with him." -Markus Liebherr
So let's have a look at that 'strong track record' shall we?
After 299 appearances as a player for Palace and Charlton, Pardew's first step on the managerial ladder came at Reading. He had been in charge of the reserve team and was promoted to manager in 2000. In his first season, Reading made the play-off final but lost out to Walsall. The following year Reading won the league and were promoted to the Colaship (Division 1 back then).
An impressive campaign in Division 1 and a fourth place finish had many teams keeping an eye on his progress. He moved to West Ham in 2003 after resigning from Reading. In his second season at Upton Park, he gained promotion to the EPL.
In 2006, a four-nil defeat to Bolton saw Pardew sacked. West Ham had been on their worst losing streak for 70 years. Two weeks later he took over at Charlton Athletic. They were relegated from the EPL but didn't expect Pardew to save them, they were planning to bounce back. Two years later and Charlton were no closer to a return. He was canned early last season and Charlton never recovered, staying rooted to the bottom of the league and hurtling towards League One were they will start next season.
Saints have some good young players for Pardew to work with, like Adam Lallana above.
Pardew has a lot of experience at this level and works well with young players, of which Southampton have many. They also have some experienced players and I can see them doing well next year. Pardew's first game in charge of his new side will be at home to Millwall on August 8th.
Swap Shop. Who Gets The Better Deal?
A Friday morning quickie. Inter Milan and Barcelona are currently discussing a swap deal that will send Zlatan Ibrahimovic to Barca and Samuel Eto'o the other way. Personally I think Ibrahimovic is highly over rated and disappears during big games, bagging goals for fun against lesser opponents in the Italian league. But hey, that's just me. So lets have a Friday morning vote. Who is getting the better deal, out of this er..deal...Barcelona or Inter Milan?
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Liar Liar, Pants On Fire.
Nice house mate! Sheikh Mansour's gaff. His boy's are in town for a visit.
You may remember way, way, way back to lunchtime today when Lingering Bursitis told you that the Manchester Arabia squad had received expensive Franck Muller watches from team owner, Sheikh Mansour. We all muttered extravagant bastards and sighed. Well, Manchester Arabia are now calling BS on the story's originators, the Sun and they are taking legal action.
The official Arabia website states...Manchester City can confirm that the story in The Sun newspaper this morning claiming that our players visiting Abu Dhabi had been given expensive watches by Sheikh Mansour is a fabrication.
The club is pursuing the matter legally and will do so in the most robust fashion possible.
It then goes on to tell us how nice they players are being by visiting kids etc, etc, blah blah blah.
If the Sun did in fact make the story up they could be in serious trouble. Not as if this opponent is short of a few quid to spend on lawyers is it?. Especially when they are prepared to splash 20 million on a future bench warmer. Talking of Roque Santa Cruz, he was apparently spending today 'fulfilling a host of engagements on behalf of new club sponsors Etihad."
Manchester Arabia are on holiday training in Abu Dhabi ahead of travelling to South Africa for a holiday tour.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Ambition Not Avarice?
Tevez' whopping wages will keep him in new tea cozies for quite a while.
So Tevez has decided. It's taken all summer for his owners to thumb through all 3 offers for their slave and finally they flogged the tiny forward to Manchester Arabia. Of course, Tevez had the final say...And what a say it was. Tevez has joined Manchester Arabia because of their 'ambition' and not because of the 150k a week wages he will be investing in binkies.
"City's boss and owner came with a very good proposal, they showed me that City has the ambition to be one of the biggest clubs in the world. This made it easy to make the move. Money was never important." - Carlos Tevez speaking through his interpreter.
So Tevez is ambitious? Surely if this was the case, he wouldn't have left the current Premier League Champions and a team that handed him a Champions League medal two years ago would he? Or turn down a move to Chelsea. Aren't they ambitious? With a Russian billionaire owner and top players? Also, a sure sign of Carlos' desire to do well, aka 'ambition', would be his eager desire to have spent every spare moment learning English, making it possible for him to communicate with his managers. After 3 years of living in er..England, he hasn't!
Talking of communication, Tevez is claiming that Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson never spoke to him. EVER. Not just with regards to staying at Old Trafford. In response, Fergie says that he sent Tevez texts messages and he didn't receive a reply. Just a guess, but If Tezez doesn't speak English, talking to him would probably be a little difficult. If he can't read English, Ferguson's text's would probably evoke a similar response from Tevez as to yours, should the next paragraph in this blog read like this...
Ydepsopdug jhdyf hfujhfjd hdudocd. Hlkkfhdlkfdl jhfkfdkdg skfdkdl hhd idfh kdjfldlf jdkjfldljf l fhdlkj fjkdfj ld;ljdl kjdiur'egl'dkldgkgj dlfjf gd;fdjflg, hkdfhdkjfhdk. hfkdufhd fldfkd .Ueytrirtocj hjd's djoedor hfjdfhfjdkfj . Xoqwpri ldfgflfop.
Strong argument eh? I know, sometimes I surprise myself.
Of course both parties are completely full of shit. United spoke to Tevez' people and Tevez is looking to find an excuse to justify moving to an 'ambitious club' that doesn't offer Champions League football.
This is what really bugs me about footballers. No loyalty is a given these days, but no honesty? Just be honest. You have a limited career and want to earn as much money as possible. I get it. You get it. My dog gets it. Claiming that 'ambition' is the reason for moving to a club that has Shay Given in goal, a back pair formed from Nedum Onuoha/ Tal Ben-Haim and Richard Dunne and 10 strikers for competition, is just not believable on any level.
Man up Tevez, grow a pair. The truth is, 150k a week cannot be turned down, and that won't change when Adebayor and maybe John Terry spout the same bollocks in Arabia blue sometime in the near future.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Macheda's Week Gets Worse.
Poor old Macheda. Wagless and Watch-less. First of all his woman drops him like a hot potato and then two men bust into his crib, rob him of all his worldly possessions and rough up his mate. Yep, another footballer has fallen victim to armed robbery. This appears to be a real problem in the north west, especially with Manchester United and Liverpool players.
The robbery took place at Federico Macheda's home in Sale during the early hours of Sunday morning. The Italian striker's friend received a minor cut to his head, and there were reports of an incident in Manchester on Saturday evening that could have been connected to the crime, but police will not confirm that this is the case.
A bad week indeed. Still, Federico is a 17-year-old footballer. As you can see from the picture above, I'm sure he'll be selecting a new WAG soon and a fancy watch will make just a small dent in this week's wages.
We Need Your Help!
So the Foul Up in Baltimore is nearly upon us, and The UF email threads have been red hot with discussions of a banner. We were thinking of making one to tell the world that we exist. Being Chelsea v. Milan, we decided to scrap a generic slogan and make one relevant to the game itself, and after much debate, we just can't decide. So we want you to.
What should be on our Baltimore banner?
UF Quick Throw: John Hartson Diagnosed with Testicular and Brain Cancer.
Awful, awful news from Swansea this morning. Wimbledon, Arsenal, Celtic and Wales forward John Hartson has been diagnosed with brain and testicular cancer. He will undergo radiotheraphy and chemotherapy immediatley. The 34 year old visited his hospital complaining of headaches and underwent a series of tests this weekend.
"All the family, and John's friends, are doing all we can to support him and praying that he will make a full recovery." -Statement from Hartson's family.
Best wishes to the strapping striker and his family from all of us at UF central .
Friday, July 10, 2009
UF Quick Throw: Eto'o No Go.
Samuel Eto'o has missed the opportunity to become the richest player in the Premier League. Manchester Arabia set a deadline and that has passed. It was reported that Eto'o was to earn 250k a week! Arabia top dog Garry Cook tonight announced "The circumstances surrounding him were such that a deal couldn't be completed."
It looks as if Eto'o has joined Kaka in the "I have some credibility" camp. Who will Manchester Arabia sling their cash at next? David Villa? I'm sure we won't have to wait long to find out.
Know Thy Enemy!
It was 2am this morning. I suddenly woke with a feeling that something was wrong. A weight heavy on my shoulders. What was it? I couldn't get back to sleep. I got up, poured a glass of water and stared through the kitchen window. What's bothering me? I moved to the porch, sat in a chair and closed my eyes. No good, still couldn't sleep. A nagging anxious feeling filled my body from head to toe. I started to sweat. I got up and paced the porch, wracking my brain for a clue as to why I was an early hour mess, standing outside in a sweat, worrying. Then like a bolt of lightning, it hit me. I spotted a frisbee in the middle of my lawn and boom...The horror ripped through my body in an instance and I started to shake. One month from the start of the season in League one and I know absolutely nothing about...Milton Keynes!
Why 'Know thy enemy?' Click. Know already? Move along, nothing to see here...
The bastard love child of Peter Winkelman and Wimbledon. A town that will ruin your tires. Concrete cows and bad commercials, trying to attract visitors and prospective residents. It can only be Milton Keynes and the MK Dons.
Roundabouts. I lost count watching this.
So once Winkelmen broke the hearts of Wimbledon fans in 2004 (the few there were) and forced them to abandon ship and start their own team, the MK Dons appeared, not far from a roundabout, at the National Hockey Stadium.
The Dons started life with -10 points, the punishment for taking Wimbledon into administration. Stuart Murdoch was fired as manger and replaced by Danny Wilson. A trip to League Two followed and Wilson was replaced by the eccentric Martin Allen. Allen took his new team to the play-off finals in 06/07 but failed to get to the final. He was offered the mangers job at Leicester and took it.
2007/08 saw Paul Ince take the reigns. He won the League Two title and the Football League Trophy with a Wembley win over Grimsby Town. Ince's work didn't go unnoticed and he was poached by Premier League side Blackburn Rovers. MK Dons appointed ex Chelsea legend Roberto Di Matteo to replace Ince. Last season the new man took his side to 3rd after competing for the top spot for much of the season. The Dons lost in a play-off semi final for the second time in 3 years. Di Matteo followed Ince and Allen in heading to a bigger club. West Brom came knocking this summer.
Two days ago Paul Ince was re-appointed as manger after a spell out of the game.
Stadium MK opened in 2007 and holds 22,000 punters, although the average gate for the Dons last season was just 10,550.
The new town of Milton Keynes in Buckinghamshire was officially designated as a 'town' in 1967. Many new towns had appeared after World War 2. Places such as Stevenage, Harlow and Hemel Hempstead. New towns were built near London, designed to deal with the over flow of people left without housing at the end of the war. Milton Keynes lack of history is evident from the 60's and 70's style buildings. A concrete and glass center, surrounded by countryside.
A population of 184,000 inhabit the town and wear down their tires on a myriad of circular lumps in the road called roundabouts. Designed to keep traffic flowing, the roundabout serves a purpose. Milton Keynes has more than anywhere else, leading to nickname 'roundabout city'.
In the 80's Milton Keynes wanted to attract people to move there and used a very well remembered and wide spread advertising campaign to do so. The ad's educated the country to a place they really knew nothing about. The roundabouts and concrete cows of Milton Keynes are now well known.
So there you have it. The new town of Milton Keynes and the MK Dons.
Nice balloon kid.
Come shopping to Milton Keynes!
Read more on "Know Thy Enemy!"...
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Saints Alive!
They're alive...ALIVE. Ring the bells, sound the horns. Southampton Football Club are saved. They were close to death, breathing was slow, the pulse was weak, but now they have received the kiss of life. From a BILLIONAIRE. Lucky, lucky bastards!
I would have brought you this news yesterday but we had a massive failure similar to the one experienced in Newcastle in 1996. But we are alive and so are the Saints! The administration still means that the Saints start League One life on -10 points but the future is bright for saints fans today. Who is their saviour? The toast of the south coast? The King of Saint Mary's? All will be revealed....
"I believe we have a superb opportunity to rebuild this great club. This will require resources, planning, hard work and patience." -Southampton's new top man.
The Swiss are coming, the Swiss are coming! The Saints new owner is Mr. Markus Liebherr. He of Liebherr holdings. They of a wide array of products from cranes and excavators to the fridge in your kitchen (Well not mine, I'm more of a LG kinda guy but in many). Well good for him and good for Southampton fans. I know I'd be beside myself if Norwich found themselves with the situation that faced Saints fans this summer.
One man who was relieved yesterday was Dutch manager Mark Wotte...
"I think it looks very good, and it's about time. It's been extremely difficult, there has been lots of worrying about the future of this great club but, hopefully, we can look to a better future." -Wotte.
No more worrying about the future for Wotte! Oh wait. Southampton's new messiah sacked Wotte earlier today! Wotte way to go!
A new manager coming in and the money of a billionaire. I am truly jealous. One thing I ain't jealous of is those 10 points, the points that will see the south coast club start at the bottom of league 1 next term. But I'm sure if they can get off to a good start, they can finish in a reasonable position.
In honor of Southampton's windfall, survival and rosy future, lets all enjoy a rousing rendition of the song that only Saints fans should be singing. Suck it Spurs...
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Zidane's 'Friends' Are Not Welcome In Canada.
'Zinedine Zidane and Friends'. Wow that sounds cool. ZZ must know some of the best players/ex-players around and if he was to arrange a tour to raise money for Unicef, call it 'ZZ and Friends', surely some of those top players would be included.
Especially when those friends are listed on the offical website as Alessandro Costacurta, Franco Baresi, Gennaro Gattuso, Croatian international Dado Prso and one Samuel Eto'o! Wow, those are some pretty good football friends. So ZZ and his friends Vs 'Canadian All stars'. Who wouldn't want to go to that?
Sounds like the superb Showdown In Chinatown doesn't it? Except it didn't quite turn out as awesome!
Let me set the scene. You are a ZZ nutbox like our very own NY Kid, or maybe you just love football. Eto'o is your favorite player? Well anyway, you buy tickets for 'ZZ and friends' along with 7,000 other folks. What a line up! What a spectacle! Baresi to Gattuso, he turns his marker and flips the ball to ZZ who skins 3 players and floats a ball across the pitch to Samuel Eto'o, who hits a shot on the volley first time, and rips a hole in the net. You just can't wait. The cheapest tickets are 50 bucks but that's ok, you've saved up.
Maybe you decide to treat your employees and spend 1600 bucks on VIP tickets. There you are, beer in hand at BMO field, home of Toronto FC, anytime now ZZ and friends will take to the field and show off their skills.
It's time, here they come...Woooooooo. There's ZZ, there's Baresi...No, thats not Baresi, is that Gattuso? Nope, maybe he'll be out in a minute. Where's Eto'o? You don't recognise any of Zidanes friends. WTF, who is that lining up with ZZ? Why it's Rohan Ricketts and Martin Palermo! Who? Rohan f*ckin Ricketts? Martin who?
Rohan Ricketts currently plays for...No one! He was expected to be a good player when he was a youngster at Spurs but instead turned out to be a dud. Loans to Wolves, QPR and Barnsley amounted to nothing and Ricketts signed for Toronto FC where after 39 appearances he was let go at the ripe old age of 26. Palermo is currently playing for Boca Juniors and is now 35. 
Not Zidane wearing number 10, but football mega-star Rohan Ricketts.
Now punters who attended the game are demanding their money back. They have even started a facebook group called 'ZIDANE AND FRIENDS GAME WAS A SCAM! - JOIN THE CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT!'
"You've got Zinedine Zidane, with a bunch of guys all in their 40s or 50s, playing against some 17-year-olds from Vaughan. Some of them looked like they were going to keel over and have a heart attack. Nobody had shin pads and they were all playing at half pace. It was like watching your father's house league with the boys on a Sunday. To pay $200 a ticket to see that, it's not worth it." - Jamil Frig paid 1600 bucks to treat his staff to 'ZZ and friends'.
The promoter of 'ZZ and friends', Ahcene Adlani, denies that he is in the wrong and simply blames a lack of help in organizing the events. He also says that the lack of stars is ok because it's for charity. That's ok then!
These 'ZZ and friends' games are still going on in Canada, but the website no longer lists Gennaro Gattuso or Samuel Eto'o. In fact it apologizes for a game on July 4th that Zidane himself could not attend due to a 'freak injury' and invites people to purchase tickets for the rescheduled event this coming weekend, when ZZ and his 'friends' will take on local allstars who have "trained extensively for this opportunity'. Vancouver all-stars? Shut the f*ck up! Where can I get tickets? They trained for this! AND were selected by no other than Vancouver Whitecaps head coach Crank Fucca, I mean Frank Cucca. That's it. When does the plane leave, I am IN.
Before you open your mouth and nationally advertise and promote a soccer game, do your research. Don't say you're going to bring these players over and then find out that you can't once everybody has paid for it," -Jamal Frig, angry fan.
I think Mr Frig and his angry facebook posse have a case don't you?
Terry On the Move? Maybe, If His Feelings Are Hurt.
Apparently Manchester Arabia are keen on making another bid for England's brave John Terry. Two bids have already been turned down by Carlo Ancelotti for the Chelsea man, but that won't stop Manchester Arabia (MA) trying again.
They believe that John Terry wants to move to the Mancunian desert. I wonder what gave them that impression? Maybe a certain ex-Chelsea left back? Or maybe a chance meeting over a sea breeze?
Now, I like John Terry. He is a no nonsense center half who always gives his all for his country, but some reports in today's papers are suggesting that EBJT is a little upset and feeling 'unwanted' by Chelsea.
Surely this can't be true?
The Independent is suggesting that Wayne Bridge is well, the bridge between the Russian sector of Saaaaaath London and the Mancunian desert. Surely if Terry wasn't interested in a move he would have said so by now? But he hasn't!
The Sun say that Terry is up for a move also, but they are suggesting that's because he feels 'unwanted'. But why? Chelsea have turned down TWO mega offers for their captain and handed him a 5 year deal in 2007, worth a whopping 130k a week! That deal made Terry the third highest earner at the club after Lampard and Ballack. If that's a sign that the club doesn't want you, then you need to get your sign-sensors checked. 'An insider' (i.e his agent) says that John has heard nothing from Chelsea and feels "betrayed and unwanted". Obviously turning down more than 30 million smackers and paying you 130k a week is a right good kick in the knackers. If that's the case, kick away, my legs are parted.
I said NO. What more do you want?
But this is where the Sun's theory plays on the common theme of footballers as mercenaries. They say that Terry's unhappiness is because he hasn't been offered a new contract, putting him on a par with Lampard. That MA's offer should have sparked his club to throw money at him, making him feel 'wanted'. If this turns out to be the case then Terry will lose any respect he may have earned with football fans outside of the Stamford Bridge walls, making the England captain just another greedy footballer, out for another Ferrari.
Personally I think there is something to the Sun's musings. Not that he feels "betrayed and unwanted" but that he wants whatever will make him happier, which translated in football land means 'richer'. Last week, right before Manchester Arabia made their bids, MA manager Mark Hughes and John Terry stayed in the same hotel in Dubai. Now what are the chances that they didn't have a little chat on the beach or over dinner?
"We met John Terry in one of the restaurants and saw him around the hotel gardens. We also had breakfast at the next table to Mark Hughes." - Holiday maker Jason Dyer.
Jumeirah Beach, Dubai. The perfect place for Arabia manager Hughes to hang with his new captain?
Whatever happens over John Terry's future, he will need to say something soon, not to could drag this on and spoil Chelsea's pre-season preparations. To lose their captain a few weeks from the new season would be a real blow, money in the bank for a replacement or not. New center halves do not just slide into place a week before the first game.
If Terry is sold to Manchester Arabia, he will need to be honest or risk losing any integrity or respect he has earned over the years as a nations captain. Because a move won't be for the Champions League football and it won't be for the new City his wife will get to party and shop in. It will be for the reported 300k a week that Manchester Arabia will put in his pocket.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Scottish Football's Double Kick In The Nuts.
It's been a terrible couple of days for Scottish Premier League football. First of all, Setanta's demise has made their expected TV income vulnerable for a cheap double swoop from ESPN and SKY. Then they appointed a new Chief Executive, and boy did they f*ck up with that decision.
Today the SPL's 12 members are sitting down to discuss an offer for their TV rights from SKY and ESPN. The WWL now has a home to show games and needs more content. Setanta's deal was worth 125 million quid over 4 years. It is likely that the SKY/ESPN bid will be a heck of a lot less. Maybe even half! Beggars cannot be choosers!
While the SPL ponders losing a stack of cash thanks to some dubious business decisions by Irish broadcaster Setanta, they also decided to appoint a new Chief Executive in former Norwich City Chief Executive Neil Doncaster. Silly fools.
Doncaster was a controversial figure at Carrow Road and very, very unpopular with supporters. He was fired, I mean he resigned under pressure, as Norwich capped a miserable 08/09 season ending with relegation to League One. Doncasters reign at Carrow Road saw the club slip from the Premier League to the third tier in just 4 seasons. Often involved in controversial decisions, Doncaster's reputation was one of a guy who was keen to sign players on the cheap and of often losing players with bad negotiation skills. He also sat on the Football League Interactive board, where he signed away Norwich City's Internet rights to a company called PTV who often deliver a much criticized, sub-standard product.
Doncaster started his football career as a secretary/solicitor before Norwich made the erroneous decision of making him Head of Operations and then Chief Executive, handing him a place on the board.
While at Norwich Doncaster was known amongst fans as a spin doctor and a master of 'failing to deliver' promises before backtracking. A popular name for the former Chief was 'Doomcaster'.
Good luck Scotland, you are going to need it.
UF Quick Throw: ESPN's Move Into England Underway
The Worldwide leader in sports is coming England! Are you ready?
Since acquiring the rights to Setanta's 46 game EPL package for the coming season, details of how ESPN will use the package has been unclear. Until now! The ESPN UK channel launches on August the 3rd. But where it will be seen is still unclear. The sports giant is currently in discussions with SKY Television and UK cable providers to ensure their channel is available to as many homes as possible. The new channel will be a premium channel, yet it is unclear exactly how much access to the 46 games will cost viewers.
Ronaldo Replacement In. 72 Million Banked.
Gabriel Obertan makes a fool of former Liverpool player Bruno Cheyrou.
Manchester United have not waited too long to replace the winker. Gabriel Obertan had a medical yesterday and is set to sign today. The 20 year old right winger, who can also play up front (sound familiar) will cost United just 8 million quid. That leaves 72 million of the Ronaldo stash still to spend. Find out more about Gabriel Obertan after the jump.
According to the Sun, who got his position wrong, Obertan was wanted by Inter and Chelsea. So what can we find out about Ronaldo mark 2, I mean Gabriel Obertan.
Well he is 6ft 1, just like his predecessor. At 20 he has played 54 games for Bordeaux, scoring 3 goals. He spent some of last season on loan to Lorient where he played 15 games, scoring once. He is capped for France at under 19, and under 21 levels with his only under 21 goal coming at Nottingham Forest's City ground against England.
Obertan in action. He also switches to the left on occasion. Sound familiar?
Obertan isn't Ferguson's only right/left wing option. Zoran Tosic signed for United back in January along with right winger Adem Ljajic, known in Serbia as 'little Kaka'. The pair cost Fergie 17 million. Antonio Valencia joined from Wigan last week for 16 million. Add Nani and that's the left and the right covered. Looks as if Madrid and Cheslea can fight it out over Ribery.
Punishment For Paddy?
Pudgy Sheffield United onion bag minder, Paddy Kenny, has been suspended after failing a drugs test. Kenny tested positive for Ephedrine after the second leg of the Blades play-off semi final against Preston North End back in May. Kenny claims the banned substance was in a cough medicine he bought over the counter. Ain't that what they all say?
Ephedrine IS found in cough and cold remedies and if he can prove he took the drug in that form, he will likely get a slap on the wrists. But if he took the stimulant in pill form he could be banned from playing for up to 2 years, effectively ending his career.
31 year old Kenny has been an ever present between the sticks at Bramall lane since 2002 when he moved from Bury for an undisclosed fee. He is often mocked by fans up and down the country for being chu..well, 'stocky'. He is also well known for some rather bizarre methods at keeping the ball out of his net (see below). Last season Paddy was dropped from the team after turning up late for training, sparking rumors that he was throwing his toys out of the pram over stalled contract talks. Manager Kevin Blackwell transfer listed Kenny for a spell before changing his mind.
The FA is investigating.
Unorthodox. Kenny in action.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Winker: Spain Is Best!
Well, well, what do we have here. Cristiano Ronaldo opening his trap and spewing nonsense as he is unveiled in Spain?
Who could have seen this coming? The Winker says that La Liga is 'superior' to the Premier League. This would be true if La Liga was a two-team league consisting of Real Madrid and Barcelona.
Ronaldo passed his medical this morning and was unveiled at the mother of all rallys tonight in Madrid. The winker has signed a six year deal with Real after his 80 million pound move from Manchester United.
Big turn out for 'the winker'.
So La Liga is better than the Premier League? Hmmm. Before I look at that claim, what else did Ronnie have to say?
"I think La Liga is going to have more quality because of the players that are arriving. All the players have a lot of quality and the referees protect the players." -Christiano Ronaldo.
Oh, the referees protect the players in Spain! Got it. So Ronaldo can flail around the pitch winning free-kicks, safe in the knowledge that if anyone actually touches him, they are likely to get a yellow card. Super. That sounds like the better league to me.
Real Madrid have collected and built a super team this year and European Champions Barcelona are exceptional, but to claim that La Liga is the better league based on two teams of stars is ridiculous. Surely he doesn't believe this and is just pandering to the Spanish press? Nah, he means it because he is a sandwich short of a picnic. Silly sausage, let's go and have a look shall we?
Almeria, Athletic Balbao, Athletico Madrid, Barcelona, Deportivo La Coruna, Espanyol, Getafe, Malaga, Mallorca, Osasuna, Racing Santander, Real Madrid, Real Zaragoza, Sevilla, Sporting Gijon, Tenerife, Valencia, Valladolid, Villareal, Xerez Club Deportivo S.A.D.
Ok Folks, that's La Liga. Lets pull all of the top stars out of every team except for Real Madrid and Barcelona. Lets examine the international studs and well known players on display in Spain.
Almeria. None here that I can see?
Athletic Bilbao. Jose Etxeberria. 31 year old Exeberria has played 50 times for Spain.
Athletico Madrid. Got 5 here. Potuguese wing terror Simao, his mate Maniche, Diego Forlan, Argentina middy Maxi Rodriguez and the much coveted Sergio Aguero. Aguero could leave Madrid's second team this summer.
Deportivo La Coruna. Sorry, no International gems here.
Espanyol. None here, except for Steve Finnan and Chelsea reject Ben Sahar. yeah You are right...None here.
Getafe. Equador forward Joffre Guerrón. That's yer lot.
Malaga. No recognizable stars here.
Mallorca. Gonzalo Castro, the England U21 European Cup destroyer and young German, but alas no stars.
Osasuna. There's 35 year old JuanFran, 11 appearances for Spain. Walter Pandiani of 'I had a season at Birmingham' fame, oh and rated young middy 'Sunny'. So no one here either.
Racing Santander. Serbia international defender Nikola Žigić.
Real Zaragoza. Just promoted to the Spainish top-flight, with help from Argentina legend, the 36 year old Roberto Ayala. Does he count? At 36? Ah go on then.
Sevilla. Young Argentinian Lautaro Acosta. Not a name yet, but he's one for the future. Bound to break my heart against England at some point. Luis Fabiano, Brazilian forward and star of this summers Confederations Cup. Freddie Kanoute? Go on then, and finally Serbia international defender Ivica Dragutinović.
Sporting Gijon. Yeah, no.
Tenerife. Apart from being a popular holiday resort for English folks to get drunk at, CD Tenerife has no stars to boast. Sorry Ronaldo.
Valencia. The obvious mega star is David Villa. But will he be here next month? I doubt it. Likely he will end up in England. Fernando Morientes? EEEEK. Newcastle reject Hugo Viana? UGGH...
Valladolid. My favorite team in Spain. Yeah, nada, unless a 35 year old Victor counts for much. However, Kike is gonna be a good player.
Villareal. We have a pair of 'past their sell by date' Frenchmen and both of 'em are former Gooners: Pascal Cygan and Robert Pires. One hated New jersey native, Giuseppe Rossi. Fellow American Jozy Altidore and the very good Spain international, Joan Capdevila.
Xerez Club Deportivo S.A.D. Promoted to the top-flight for the first time, no big names here except for....Jose Altidore??? Well nearly. He was loaned from Villareal in January then injured. Maybe they will loan him this season?
Ok, now do I really need to go through the players in England? Do I? Oh alright. Same rules apply here. Not including Manchester United or Liverpool. Players who are seasoned internationals or well known in World football.
A is for Arsenal. Cesc Fabregas, Bacary Sagna, Robin Van Persie, Theo Walcott, William Gallas, Eduardo, Nasri, Rosicky. All first choice internationals. Then again, so are Eboue, Silvestre and Toure.
Aston Villa. John Carew, Carew, he likes a lap dance or two, he may even pay for you, John Carew, Carew. He counts. 69 apps for Norway. Stilian Petrov, Emile Heskey, Wilfred Bouma. Friedel? He is old isn't he. Disregard.
B is for Bongo. No superstars here. Keep moving Bigus.
B is also for Blackburn. Diouf, McCarthy, Givet and Zurab Khizanishvili all internationals. Khizanishvili plays for Georgia. Disregard. Oh nearly forgot Aaron Mokoena, Morten Gamst-Pedersen, Brett Emerton and Tugay Kerimoglu. Hmm, they are ok, but star wise? Tugay stays, disregard the rest?
Bolton. Ebi Smolarek and Johan Elmander are both seasoned internationals, that's yer lot Bolton.
Burnley. Moving on.
Chelsea. Zhirkov, Terry, Lampard, A Cole, Bosingwa, Essien, Ballack, Anelka, Cech, Malouda, J Cole, Alex, Carvalho. OOF.
Everton. Nuno Valente, Lescott, Mikel Arteta, Tim Howard, Steven Pienaar and Yakubu.
Fulham. Brede Hangeland, Clint Dempsey, Simon Davies. All experienced internationals.
Hull. Kevin Kilbane and Geovanni.
Man City. Roque Santa-Cruz, Craig Bellamy, Robinho, Elano, Martin Petrov, Vincent Kompany, Nigel De Jong, Gareth Barry, Tevez??????
Portsmouth. Hreidarsson, Kanu, Crouch, Angelos Basinas and John Utaka.
Stoke. Salif Dao, Abdoulaye Faye and Amdy Faye are all regulars for Senegal.
Sunderland. Kenwyne Jones?
Spurs. Luka Modric, Wilson Palacios, Vedran Corluka, Jermain Defoe and Robbie Keane. Even sick note King has played 19 times for England.
West Ham. Luis Jimenez, Upson, Radoslav Kovac, Jonathon Spector, Luis Boa Morte and England's new mumber one, Robert Green.
Wigan. Erik Edman, Henri Camara and long-throw king Maynor Figueroa. That's about it.
Wolves. Nenad Milijaš, Kevin Doyle and Ronald Zubar!
Now, while I am not saying that the Spainish league is poo, it isn't. And I am not saying these players suck, just because I have not heard of them or because they don't play for their country. However, I am saying that La Liga is nowhere near as being as strong as the Premier league. A league whose players don't need a favor from the referee and are man enough to look after themselves. I am also saying that Ronaldo's claim that better players live in La Liga is bollocks!
While Barcelona and Real Madrid can justify claiming that they are the best two teams in Europe, better than any team in England, the rest of the league leaves a lot to be desired when it comes to top class personnel.
So Ronaldo, enjoy the weather, enjoy winning free-kicks from weak, ball-less referees and enjoy your superstar team mates, because you certainly won't find as many super-stars around the country on your travels as you did while in England.
UF Quick Throw: What now Cashley?
Chelsea have signed Russian Left-back Yuri Zhirkov for 18 million quid, leading to speculation over the future of Ashley Cole. While Zirhkov can play left wing, why sign one of the worlds best left-backs to play him out of position? So what next for Cole? Maybe he will chase the money up the M1 to Manchetser City. If this happens, Wayne Bridge will get to play second fiddle to Cole yet again. Poor Wayne.
Friday, July 3, 2009
UF Quick Throw: Owen To United. No Really!
It's surprise Friday, the unthinkable is happening. Michael Owen is joining Manchester United! That's if he passes a medical. Owen is currently at United's Carrington training ground undergoing fitness tests. If Owen gets the green light and signs for the Premier League champions, then surely this could be hailed as the mother of all comebacks. Just last week Owen's desperate plea for a new club, was met with interest from Stoke and Hull. Owen is available on a free transfer after 4 injury hit years at Newcastle United, making just 79 appearances. Owen's injuries whle at Newcastle included groin, ankle, thigh, hernia, metatarsal and knee ligament tears. Time will tell if Owen can produce the kind of form he had while at Liverpool, early in his career, but United have successfully been here before. Anyone remember Teddy Sherringham?
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