Thursday, February 12, 2009

If You're a Footballer, Resist Danielle Lloyd at All Costs!

As you can see from the picture above, Danielle Lloyd is rather attractive. She's also rather deadly, especially if you play the beautiful game (and we know from our WAG studies that the beautiful game often attracts the beautiful ladies).

In fact, she's bedded quite a few players, and, like all good girls, has written a tell-all book about it.

Three English publishers are currently battling it out for the rights to her autobiography, which presumably contains little more than bikini tips and information about various players' genitals, two things I'm personally not that interested in.

The article even gives a sample of her alleged flings:
- Armand Traore
- Teddy Sheringham
- Jermain Defoe
- Marcus "Not Darren" Bent
- Gerard Pique
- Ryan "The Dutch Walcott" Babel
- Jerome Thomas
- Jermaine "Madrid, or Portsmouth?" Pennant
- Carlton "Can't Control" Cole

The astute amongst you have probably noticed she's not quite at a full starting XI yet, and the team's looking woefully thin at the back.

Said a "soccer insider" (presumably, Kevin Keegan):

"Dani is the ultimate WAG and news of her book has sent shockwaves through the game. She knows exactly what goes on in the footballers’ inner circle and a lot of big stars are terrified they are going to be named and shamed."
I always like it when that happens.

In this day and age, you can never just have a one-night stand anymore, for fear it'll end up on Twitter, Facebook, or even in a 300-page book (full of words) written by a WAG in high heels and the world's luckiest ghostwriter.

Lesson learned, well-paid footballers. Lesson learned. Make sure that next time you take a girl home from the club, she's not carrying a notebook.


Andrew said...

She goes from robbing the cradle with Armand Traore to robbing the AARP with Teddy Sheringham. She's got range.

Precious Roy said...

Shockwaves my ass. My guess is if your a topflight footballer every knows you sleep with hot chicks. Your only worry would be if your hung like a seahorse.

Even then, it's probably not going to put a dent in the trim you pull.

The Fan's Attic said...

what if a top footballer brought another dude in the room with Ms. Lloyd?

that would be shocking. although, i imagine that shit would have leaked already.

The NY Kid said...

I find Danielle Lloyd to be somewhat attractive.

The Fan's Attic said...

if i weren't at work, i would stare at the sweetspot between her tits all day long. maybe all week.

jjf3 said...

As attractive as she is, is any footballer so fucking stupid that they fuck someone who's fucked pretty much every other dumb footballer not named Rooney, and still expects to have a public life that isn't a joke? Oh, that's right...Sorry, my mistake..."move along, nothing to see here!"