Friday, February 13, 2009

Up The City! I’m Begging You…

This week, my good mate, Bigus Dickus’ Norwich City Canaries head to Preston North End for yet another critical match in their drive to again survive to fight another year in the Football League Championship.

After Chelsea, there is no football club on the planet that I follow more closely. There is no football club who’s week-to-week fortunes affect my very happiness. Norwich’s relegation scraps have me on the edge of my seat.

Why do I care deeply about some two-bit Anglian club run by a drunk fry-cook and her incompetent boardmates? Because they are my Tortured Friend’s Team. Find out what this means after the jump…

Bigus is my good mate. We’ve shared many a fantastic evening. We wind each other up into a (mostly) friendly rage most every week talking football. And if you are a mate of Bigus’, Norwich City is in your life.

Norwich City are my cross to bear because they are Bigus’ cross to bear. Much like my wife has had to suffer the slings and arrows of being married to a Buffalo Bills fan – the foul moods, the exultation-followed-by-inevitable-heartbreak – I suffer with Norwich because I can’t stand the thought of watching my good mate’s team drop to (shudder) League One. The lad would be devastated. I can’t bear the thought of watching him endure such a thing.

So every week, like a Stockholm-Syndrome victim, I follow the ins and outs of Carrow Road. I check the table. I follow the transfer rumours. I try to figure out how in hell a club in Norwich’s position could possibly hire an utterly inexperienced manager at such a critical time. I do the points math. I try to figure out how many points Watford’s two matches in hand are worth.

I do this because Norwich are in my life as surely as they are in Bigus’ life. Last Spring, there were a group of us dying every Saturday as Norwich stumbled to safety. There were weeks when a critical Chelsea victory somehow mattered less to my state of mind than a Norwich away draw.

Now, you might think that I would hate Norwich for this. Hate them like I hate the demons that have ruined other friends’ lives. Demons like alcohol, depression or cancer. But I worship Demon Chelsea. I have a Blue fever to Bigus’ Yellow. I can’t help but sweat every result in the Canary saga.

England, too. Do you remember watching England with your English mates the last, say, 20 major international tournaments? Have you bought an England shirt in fellowship? Does the thought of PKs haunt your dreams?

Or do you have a Tottenham supporter friend? If so, nothing more need be said.

Who is your Tortured Friend’s Team?

How have you debased yourself cheering them on for your friend?


The Fan's Attic said...

I have to admit, I have never met/corresponded with anybody who lives and dies with their team as much as Bigus and his beloved Tweety Birds. And Lord knows he sends us enough information each week about Norwich that it seems like I do follow the squad.

So, I guess you could say I'm into Asian chicks...I mean I have a bit of yellow fever too.

Bigus Dickus said...

Good old Delia...She was a stunner in her younger days!

What more could a guy want..Cooking, a love of City and mastery of the under appreciated skill of turkey stuffing.

Andrew said...

I'll admit I follow Norwich because of Bigus; their the only Colaship side about which I actually care.

As for other TFTs, I don't have any. In college I lived in an apartment with three Big Ten assholes: one supported Dee Ohio St., one supported Penn State, and the other was from Michigan. I never disliked the Big Ten until I live with those guys. I guess that's an anti-TFT thing, then.

Wanker's Doom said...

I don't know. I think that the perverse part of my soul thoroughly enjoys the slings and arrows of Norwich's outrageous misfortune. Personally, I am rooting for the pain to extend to the last match of the season

Mike Georger said...

"Who is your Tortured Friend’s Team? "

I've got several friends who are Arsenal fans.

I'm on fire.

Seriously though, the only ones I can think of are the bar owner I know in Charlotte that is an insane West Ham supporter. He is usually so drunk I can't understand what he is saying other than 'Bobby'.
And one of my professors is a Spurs fan, but he's Jewish so I think that has a bit to do with it.

Autoglass said...

A Leeds supporter friend would put this to the test. You love your mate, but Dirty F@#$ing Leeds? Damn.

Eladio said...

I have an old friend (Welsh, but I don't hold that against him) who's a mighty Leeds United supporter, so I've been following their road to mediocrity in League 1 for a few years now. Just when you think they'll make that playoff, they manage to fall just short.

And Bigus, my wife "follows" Norwich. One day as I was watching Sky Sports News they mentioned the Canaries and she said, "oh Canaries, how cute!", and now, every couple weeks, she'll say, "how are my Canaries doing?"

So you got that going for you, which is nice.

jjf3 said...

Given how few of my friends would even react with something other than a "soc-cer?" comment, I've essentially adopted Norwich City (via BD) as my "second" team, though not through direct friendship, just his impassioned reactions to their games. Now that I'm a regular at a CSC, I've got some drinking friends who are Celtic fans, but that's not really the same...

Bigus Dickus said...

Eladio...Kiss your wife firmly.

Wankers Doom....You are evil.