Rio Ferdinand is a man of proud, keen business acumen. Having carefully observed the slow death of publishing, he's decided to get into the magazine game, albeit blowing his money in the online world instead of daring to put ink to paper.
After all, if The Players' Club and Gene Simmons' Tongue can work (and I use the term "work" very loosely), then why can't Rio's rag, the intriguingly/stupidly named #5?
After the jump, the first piece of pictorial evidence that Rio might have a fighting chance.
Her name is Francoise Boufhal, and this exotic beauty hails from... Newcastle? She's been looking for lingerie work, but tragically, has been told that she's too curvy.
Good that Rio wasn't about to make the same error.
Francoise's tale is full of triumph over adversity: "When I reached about 16 I stopped doing theatre and TV because every casting I went to I got knocked back for having such an unusual figure for such a young woman.
I'm a 28H. Everything I went to I was told I was too glamorous and no one knew where to put me in things. I went on a quest for a lingerie job but my bust was too big for that even. I was offered loads of work but it was all to go topless and that was not what I wanted to do. It was so frustrating, but it made me even more determined to be known for who I was rather than just my looks.
I thought no matter how many times you knock me back, I'll keep going and sooner or later something will come along I'll be good for."
Get in, Francoise! With Rio's clumsy foray into magazines (or, as the header puts it, "a digital lifestyle magazine... (featuring) exclusive interviews and videos with true icons from the worlds of sport, music, and drama"), she'll be famous in no time.
Until #5 closes down, that is.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
#5 Magazine: more tits than the Stretford End at Old Trafford
Thursday, February 12, 2009
If You're a Footballer, Resist Danielle Lloyd at All Costs!
As you can see from the picture above, Danielle Lloyd is rather attractive. She's also rather deadly, especially if you play the beautiful game (and we know from our WAG studies that the beautiful game often attracts the beautiful ladies).
In fact, she's bedded quite a few players, and, like all good girls, has written a tell-all book about it.
Three English publishers are currently battling it out for the rights to her autobiography, which presumably contains little more than bikini tips and information about various players' genitals, two things I'm personally not that interested in.
The article even gives a sample of her alleged flings:
- Armand Traore
- Teddy Sheringham
- Jermain Defoe
- Marcus "Not Darren" Bent
- Gerard Pique
- Ryan "The Dutch Walcott" Babel
- Jerome Thomas
- Jermaine "Madrid, or Portsmouth?" Pennant
- Carlton "Can't Control" Cole
The astute amongst you have probably noticed she's not quite at a full starting XI yet, and the team's looking woefully thin at the back.
Said a "soccer insider" (presumably, Kevin Keegan): "Dani is the ultimate WAG and news of her book has sent shockwaves through the game. She knows exactly what goes on in the footballers’ inner circle and a lot of big stars are terrified they are going to be named and shamed."
I always like it when that happens.
In this day and age, you can never just have a one-night stand anymore, for fear it'll end up on Twitter, Facebook, or even in a 300-page book (full of words) written by a WAG in high heels and the world's luckiest ghostwriter.
Lesson learned, well-paid footballers. Lesson learned. Make sure that next time you take a girl home from the club, she's not carrying a notebook.
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