What went wrong and why it hurts

Despite what we may have hoped and what LB believed (forgive him, he's been a bit busy), last night's game was a World Cup qualifier and not a meaningless friendly. So then, it's with wounded pride that some of our American contingent share their thoughts on the shitshow that was last night's Costa Rica-USA match. See if you can spot some themes.

Autoglass was the first to chime in (I know! We never hear from him!), and therefore gets to take the lead. Enjoy them all.

Autoglass
OK, I'm fucking pissed off.

That was a ridiculous, gutless, unprepared, lazy-ass effort. Utterly unacceptable. Bradley should be fired immediately. I don't care if you have to play under fucking water or while being shot at, Costa Rica is ranked 41st in the world and we’re supposed to be top 15 . We're supposed to be a rising power? As Bigus would say...HAHAHAHAHA!!! You don't go to fucking Costa Rica and embarrass yourself.

Gulati is an idiot. We never should have picked Bradley. We'll never fucking learn. We are making no progress. Negative progress. Our best player plays for the fucking Galaxy. The rest of this lot sit on assorted lower division benches (except for my man Super Clint...and
he sucked ass tonight as well).

It makes me insane to think that we are a year from the typical World
Cup hype. How the US can do well. Then we shard ourselves and it reflects badly on the game. US Soccer would be better run by Relegation Zone Mikey.

Dire. A shower. Embarrassing. Unacceptable. This past Saturday, I was at Wembley. Setting aside Chelsea’s beautiful play, let’s focus on overmatched Everton. They worked their asses off in front of the very same keeper, and to the very end of thegoddamn match. In that context, tonight's display just guts me. We have no character, no tactics, no fucking clue as to how to build a competitive program in the game I so dearly love.

It started with El Salvador. We could well lose to Honduras on Saturday. No disrespect to our neighbors to the south, but THESE ARE CENTRAL AMERICAN COUNTRIES!!!! They are practically city-states! Costa Rica were better on every level tonight. We have every goddamned kid in this country playing youth soccer. How does this happen?

The Confederations Cup will be a blood bath. Which makes me happy. At least Sunil can't pretend we're any good. I hope fucking Egypt beats us 4-nil.
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Spectator collated his thoughts that he put on Twitter.

One bad game does not make or break anything, but tonight exposed all of the USMNT's weaknesses. They've plateaued over the last six months and if they have any hope of success at the next World Cup (and I would define success as making the knockout stage), they need a new
coach. Bradley has done a good job pulling things together after the WC2006 debacle but he is clueless how to take the team to the next level. The Beasley experiment at leftback is a failure, and Bradley has done a terrible job of identifying potential starters.

The ESPN commentators kept talking about the US team's strength being its defense, but to me that's always been the worst part of their game. Bocanegra and Gooch are mediocre at best, and starting Wynne and Beasley over someone like Spector is just confounding.

I'd like to see what someone like Klinsmann could do with this team. Not saying that the USMNT has enough talent to do anything special, but they need to model themselves after teams like Australia or Egypt -- gritty, committed, and playing to strengths. For the US, that is using speed
and counterattacking. Of course, I fear that it'll just be more of the same going forward because there is a total lack of vision for this team, starting with Sunil and going down the line.

The way that the US was beat on those three goals was terrible marking and spacing. That's down to bad preparation and a failure of coaching, plain and simple. I'm willing to wait and see what kind of reaction there is after this one, but no matter the scoreline if there's another mediocre couple performances all the blame goes to Bradley.

Last thoughts: the US... A few good role players (Dempsey, Howard, Landycakes), a few decent prospects (Altidore, Edu, Bradley, Adu on a good day), lots of mediocre and over-the-hill players. What they are most lacking are leaders.
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The NY Kid
A complete shitshow. Anyone remember Project 2010 (that spawned the Generation Adidas program), designed to make the US a threat to win WC 2010? Playing this we are going to get killed in the Confederations Cup this month and we have no shot of even making it out of the group stage in 2010. This lineup was a complete joke - the Bradley nepotism era needs to come to an end, as Michael is far more competent at getting carded than anything else; the DMB at LB experiment is a clear failure; on the big stage Landycakes once again comes up empty (sorry, the PK that you had nothing to do with doesn't count); the substitutions were a failure (why would you take off Torres?).

We can argue about whether Howard should have started at GK given the short turn-around from (and disheartening - for him - result of) the FA Cup, but in his position I would have been screaming my head off at that bullshit defense. Gooch can be imposing, but he tends to get lost; despite his strong start in Ligue 1, the end of the season has clearly demonstrated that Bocanegra is getting a little long in the tooth.

Players I would much rather see in the lineup: (1) defense - Spector, Bornstein, Demerit; (2) midfield - Gavin and Rogers; (3) striker - Cooper. Bradley's team selection has been consistently baffling, and I think it's time for a new direction. It's easy to say that he should be gone if we finish anywhere other than 1st in qualifying, but that doesn't leave much time for the new gaffer to get things going for WC 2010. A loss or draw on Saturday, and Bradley has to go.
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Precious Roy
That was bad.

No shame in losing at Costa Rica. The Ticos are almost unbeatable at home. And playing on green concrete doesn't make things any easier for opponents.

The way we lost, however, was an embarrassment. On every level we were outclassed, 0utworked and outplayed by Costa Fucking Rica. There's aren't even any "Yeah, but..." positives to take away. "Yeah but we broke out scoreless streak in San Jose." Bullshit, we got a meaningless PK in second half stoppage time. It was a shellacking.

Preparation—personnel and formation—decisions fall squarely on Bob Bradley; but the effort from the players was equally as poor. Still, it's time for Gulati to start thinking about Plan B (if he even has one). We've taken one point from the last six in qualifying. That's not good.

Last night is done. Spilled milk and all. And at this point I'm more interested in how the USMNT responds. If we lose to Honduras Saturday, Bradley should be jobless on Sunday. If he goes to South Africa for the Confederations Cup after a home loss in qualifying, he'll be taken an unorganized squad that had been drained of any confidence and will be free-point fodder for the rest of our group.

A win on Saturday, that might almost be worse from a longer-term perspective. Gulati will think all is well and Bradley is still the right man for the job. He's not. He's done a good job to this point. Or maybe to some point a few months ago. In the wake of the last World Cup he's stabilized the USMNT but these guys are regressing and younger talent isn't developing. No way to look at last night and think anything else.
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Ian
The sad thing is, even if we lose at home this weekend, and then fall on our faces in South Africa, I still don't think its enough to get Bradley fired. This isn't like Europe where you would have every newspaper in the country calling for his head. There is no pressure on the federation or Sunil to make a change unless the team really screws up and is in danger of not qualifying. I'm pretty sure they are happy just feeding the bullshit line to clueless mainstream journos who pay attention once every four years that this is the World Cup where the team finally "takes the next step." Even though in reality they are content with just showing up.

Also I think its time to say that our Golden Generation of prospects is turning out to be underwhelming. Freddie can't even see the bench at Monaco, Jozy can't play for a second division side in Europe, and Bradley put up one of the flukiest seasons ever two years ago in Holland. And looking down the line, I'm not sure who we have waiting in the wings that is capable of doing much. I really like Torres and think he he should play more, but other than that I'm pretty uninspired. WTF ever happened to Danny Szetela, anyways?
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The Fan's Attic
I watched about ten minutes of the match and I have never been happier that my wife forced me to watch So You Think You Can Dance. There were more laughers in that match by US in those ten minutes than your average Judd Apatow flick. There were more US missteps than the George W. Bush administration. The lineups made as much sense as Joaquin Phoenix's career change. The backline was a soft as Kim Kardashian's. Remember, I only watched ten minutes.
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ü75
I saw the 3-4-3 and I had such high expectations. The problem is that I did not pay attention to the personnel. Neither did Bradley, I think, and the end result is what we all saw. Let's look at the personnel decisions.

Tim Howard is undoubtedly the number 1 for the US, but he just played a pretty big game on a pretty hot day in London. And lost. So he couldn't have been in the best mindset for the long (and slower) east to west flight. Not to blame for the first two goals, but his positioning was terrible in the third. Perhaps starting Guzan would have been better? Brad would have been rusty, though, so that's probably a wash.

Marvell Wynne, Oguchi Onyewu, Carlos Bocanegra, Demarcus Beasley
The painful back four. Wynne's strengths are his leaping and speed. Neither helped tonight. Plus, he has not been playing for Toronto in the last couple of weeks because of injury.
Onyewu has always been the big central back who sometimes gets lost. No change in Costa Rica.
For a captain, Bocanegra was mostly invisible. He had an early-season renaissance at Rennes, but this was a guy who got deep benched by Hodgson at Fulham last season. Maybe the European season is too long for him?
The less said about Beasley the better. His touch was awful. He hasn't featured for fucking Rangers in months. A very, very odd choice for left back.
The center two are ultimately hard to quibble with, but both had off games. Wynne was out of his depth. TFC have tried to get anything out of him by putting him up front recently. Should not have even been selected.

Pablo Mastroeni, Michael Bradley, Jose Franciso Torres
Torres bailed out on defending the first goal. Mastroeni then fell down. Boom, 1-0. A disastrous start possibly caused because two players who are not used to each other thrown into playing a system they are not familiar with at this level. That's down to coaching and selection.
Torres played very well, once he settled down. At 21, and with only two previous USMNT matches under his belt, he needed that time to settle. Too bad that by the time he did, it was 2-0.
The pairing of Mastroeni and Bradley works best with at least four in the middle. Both are holding/defensive minded and need a sparkling offensive middie to advance the ball. Tonight that should have been Landycakes, but no, Donovan was up top.

Landon Donovan, Clint Dempsey, Jozy Altidore
We love Jozy. He's the Haitian Sensation, after all. But the only playing time he has had in '09 is for the USMNT. Xerez, the second division Spanish club, did not see fit to put him on the pitch. Plus, he just had toe surgery. He should have been, at best, a late sub.
Did Deuce play? No American is more exciting when on his game, nor more frustrating when off. Dempsey, more than most, benefits from good link up play through the midfield. There was no chance of that last night.
Let's face it. Landon is a middling player. He can do wonders, but will also lose the ball from benign defending. At least he didn't blow the PK.

Sacha Kljestan, Freddy Adu, Charlie Davies
Kljestan subbed in for Torres at the half and disappeared. He was winded by the 70th when he meekly let Herrera around him to score the third goal of the night.
Since we have all been following NYK's France reports, we know Adu has not played in forever either. It showed.
Davies has heart, according to Lalas. I just say he is dirty. Should have been sent off within two minutes of being in the pitch for a petulant kick to the nuts.

It's not the end of the world. We probably should not have expected even a point from Costa Rica. The problem is the way the US lost. It was a flat effort of a confused team. Where that blame lies, well, you can probably guess how we feel. This is a team hampered by their own
country's lack of a decent league, by injuries, by inactivity and by the calendar.

Saturday needs to be a bounce back. Three points will put the US halfway home with 10 points. Good, but not great. A draw, and the US is starting to sweat. A loss would mean that the US likely wakes up Thursday in fourth place. I say a loss or a draw and Bradley has to be gone. For now, replacement should be on the table anyway.
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Anyway, those are our collective takes on the game last night. Now, watch out for Bigus to come into the thread and make fun of us all for gnashing our teeth over a loss to Costa Rica. Just remind him of Croatia at Wembley and he might pipe down.

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I Hate My Club's New Shirt

Editor's Note: While we realize that this is not breaking news to this site, we thought it would be fun to get Autoglass's response on the new Chelsea shirt. He doesn't disappoint.
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I hate my favorite club's, Chelsea, new shirt. Sure, it’s still that beautiful “Reflex Blue” that CFC switched to several years back. And, sure, when compared to some of the shirts the Blues have worn over the years, it’s an improvement. But the panels? The form fitting look? The stupid crew collar? Yuck. Fundamentally, there are three problems with this shirt. After the jump, we’ll review them...

First, it’s going to make the team look stupid. They’ll look like they are wearing unitards under their shorts. Unitards with man-bra panels.

Second, this technical fabric and design trend is moronic. I guarantee you that no Chelsea player will at any point next season say, “Wow, this shirt keeps my body cool and allows me greater freedom of movement!” Never. It’s a fucking t-shirt. They are already more than forgiving and comfortable enough.

Finally, think of the fans. We’re supposed to go out and buy a shirt that, when stretched over our middle-aged torsos, will make us look like a Blue sausage crossed with the paneled look of Edward Scissorhands? Tens of thousands of these shirts are going to be stretched over the paunches and man-boobs of the Stamford Bridge support? To paraphrase Jerry Seinfeld, who were the marketing wizards that came up with this idea?

In summary, Chelsea have launched a new strip that makes the team look stupid, personifies the excesses of hype in design, and absolutely maximizes the doofus factor among the supporters.

I hate it. And when I go to Wembley for the FA Cup Final (Yes, I am going. And I’m taking my 8 year old son to his first match in Europe…to see Chelsea…in a Cup Final…at Wembley), I will proudly wearing my old Autoglass shirt. It was ugly, but at least it's not stupid.



Your thoughts on that latest trends in stupid shirt design? And will Liverpool AGAIN simply take the same basic Adidas shirt, except in red, such that Liverpool and Chelsea look like two sides of the same club wearing different colors for a training match?

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Autoglass speaks...

The busy Blues fan, Autoglass, took time out from his hectic gloating schedule to pen this missive from the road...

I’ve been traveling far too much lately. This week I found myself in Tampa when my beloved Chelsea came upon a critical Champions League tie at Anfield. Liverpool in the Champions League has become an April ritual. Those Blue and Red shirts are the crocuses of Spring. After the break, you get Autoglass’ Tampa travelogue.

I lived in New York for ten years. There, a Champions League session was two blocks away. Out and back in a scoot. There are twenty good football pubs in New York. Always one a short hop away. It spoils a guy.

I then moved to California. Still, options. More driving, but I watched John Terry cry not three miles from my office.

But I’m in Tampa this week and Chelsea visit Liverpool for a Champions League Quarter-Final. First, I needed to find a decent pub. That was easy. There is apparently exactly one. MacDinton’s is the clear choice. No disrespect to Tampa, but there is no second or third choice. If you’re in Tampa and any important match is at stake, just go to MacDinton’s.

By some miracle, my Wednesday afternoon was free work-wise. I cleared the time of any incursion, and made tracks for MacDinton’s. But late. I couldn’t get on the road until match time. I called Lingering Bursitis.

". Mate, you need to talk me in! I’m 15 mins from the pub!"

", I’ve got you covered."

We hang up. Not two minutes later, I’m on I-4 in Tampa and the phone rings…

"Fernando Torres, Liverpool’s number 9!" The bastard sings. Fuck. We’re behind and I’m not even there! Fuck! I know this movie. Liverpool rampant. Our season in tatters. Me at a strange footie pub pissing in my Guinness.

I make my way to MacDinton’s. Nice place in Tampa’s SoHo neighborhood (South Howard Avenue. Lame. But then, all such NoMaSoFoMoFu things are lame, even in New York.) They have free valet parking! And two outside bars with plenty of screens, pretty raven-haired Irish barmaids, and Florida sunshine. I settle in.

Outside sports bars. If you’ve been, you know. If you haven’t…it’s better than you are thinking. You really need to move somewhere warm…but you know that already, right?

Anyhoo, I settle into a lovely crowd. Red, Blue and hangers-on for Arsenal, United and, yes, Nottingham Forest... all in Tampa. (Bigus, the Forest dude convinced me that you are going down. I argued gamely for our Canaries. Up the City!)

At first, the lack of bile was unsettling. What is this Chelsea shirt doing chatting up this group of faux Scouse losers? Laughing? Enjoying the sunshine? Without trash talk and the ever-present electric risk of Glasgow kisses? Toto, we’re not in New York anymore.

Then, the match. Chelsea won going away. Rafa’s zonal marking left our Serb reserve fullback utterly unmarked for our equalizer AND our winner. Drogba then put in our third...the THIRD! (A third goal away in a Champions League tie is a heady thing, indeed) At Anfield. Hiddink ran out a 4-3-3 and ran at the Red back line. Liverpool were not up for it.

I wouldn’t have predicted it. Chelsea have been solid, but Liverpool have been the in-form side in Europe. My only hope was that Liverpool would return to Earth in this fixture. Oh, did they. They missed Mascherano massively. Essien utterly took Gerrard out of the match. Chelsea came forward in numbers. Ballack was majestic. Lampard, Kalou and, yes, Malouda were free in space and connecting.

Spring football can be a fickle mistress. Your club fights through the winter and find themselves, still, in 2 or 4 competitions. You’ve had your run and survived, sometimes even romped. But now, everything is running down to the quick. You come upon a bad run or injuries and - boom! - 7 or 10 days can take you out of everything. We’ve all been there. Hell, Arsenal has LIVED there these last five years.

Well, Liverpool woke up before this match right in the thick of the Champions League and in with a shout for the League. In 90 minutes, at home, they about crashed out of the CL and are left looking somehow farther up at United in the League. Devastating.

The best teams in Europe play 60 some-odd fixtures a year, and that’s beside their players’ international duty. Work, work, work, and then bad luck or bad form runs you out of everything in a sneeze. Brutal. Imagine the 2007 Patriots ruining three trophies with losses to three Giants. Ouch. Yet it happens every year in soccer.

MacDinton’s is a fantastic football pub. If you are in Tampa, look it up. Great crowd, velvety Guinness, and sunshine. Oh, and Chelsea won 3-1 at Anfield! Stevie G wandered by at the end looking for his pants! Carefree!!!!

Postscript: My favorite moment was meeting an Arsenal supporter wearing one of those “Kings of London” shirts. I got to say “That’s a really old shirt, isn’t it?” Get in.

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Champions League Preview: Chelsea v. Juventus

Chelsea supporters will show Claudio “The Tinkerman” Ranieri the utmost in respect today when Juventus visit Stamford Bridge for the first leg of an intriguing Champions League Round of 16 tilt.

I remember well my mixed feelings when he was sacked.

Most forget that Ranieri spent four years leading the Blues. Before Roman Abramovich bought the club, Claudio had taken Chelsea, always 6th it seemed, always losing the big matches to Arsenal and United, into Champions League contention.

It’s been said that the Russian chose Chelsea because of the Champions League spot that Ranieri secured the year before on the final weekend.

More on The Tinkerman and today’s match after the break.

For those who don't know, Ranieri bought Frank Lampard from West Ham.

Think about it for a second. He didn’t use Russian billions, yet secured perhaps the best English midfielder of his generation for a relative bargain of 11M quid.

Similarly, he brought in William Gallas. With Abramovich’s riches, he smartly signed Joe Cole, Claude Makelele, Peter Cech, Arjen Robben and Wayne Bridge. The man also made John Terry captain and as a result, perhaps, of England.

To put it another way, the Chelsea Revolution began under Claudio Ranieri.

Think of his work in the context of Manchester City’s bumblings. Bigus can blow me - Chelsea did it right and Claudio was the key. The Tinkerman made it to the Semis of this competition in 2004 before being sacked by Abramovich, and the sacking was proper.

Big clubs had fallen away, the trophy was there to be taken, and Ranieri bungled and lost to Monaco (yes, Monaco!) in that Semi. He proved that he couldn’t take Chelsea to the next level in a bizarre tactical display that is redolent of the work of a certain current Spanish gaffer up on Merseyside.

Mourinho and trophies galore soon followed. We won the Premiership twice! Chelsea won the Premiership twice, but I’ll never forget those heady days when the Gentleman Italian showed the world how to spend wisely and manage a dressing room made crazy by money and absurd talent.

Remember that in that magic year of 2004, Ranieri finished just second to that perfect Arsenal side. No shame in that. (By the by... I fucking hate Arsenal.)

Today, Ranieri brings Juventus (the man has landed well) into Stamford Bridge for a fixture with drama only reduced in the shadow of yesterday’s Mourinho-Ferguson tilt.

Chelsea enter today’s match having found some nice form under new manager Guus Hiddink. After conceding to Watford, they exploded for three goals to run away with it. This past weekend’s 1-nil scoreline at Villa Park understates the dominance that they displayed.

Meanwhile, Juventus sit second in Serie A, 9 points off of Mourinho’s Inter and 2 clear of Meelan, but they haven’t shown their best of late. The side that beat Real Madrid twice in the Champions League Group Stage has drawn twice and lost twice in eight Serie A matches in the New Year. They haven’t been held scoreless, but they’ve yet to score three.

Two clubs in mediocre form at best, but Chelsea have had a bit of a bump just recently, and I remember The Tinkerman’s tactics in that fateful Spring.

It still hurts...

Prediction:
I feel a big effort coming from my Blues. Many of these players still taste the bitterness of last Spring’s defeat in Moscow on penalties. I’ll boldly call it Chelsea 2, Juventus 0. Juventus take the Turin leg 2-1, but Chelsea still advance. Make it so, Guus...

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Up The City! I’m Begging You…

This week, my good mate, Bigus Dickus’ Norwich City Canaries head to Preston North End for yet another critical match in their drive to again survive to fight another year in the Football League Championship.

After Chelsea, there is no football club on the planet that I follow more closely. There is no football club who’s week-to-week fortunes affect my very happiness. Norwich’s relegation scraps have me on the edge of my seat.

Why do I care deeply about some two-bit Anglian club run by a drunk fry-cook and her incompetent boardmates? Because they are my Tortured Friend’s Team. Find out what this means after the jump…

Bigus is my good mate. We’ve shared many a fantastic evening. We wind each other up into a (mostly) friendly rage most every week talking football. And if you are a mate of Bigus’, Norwich City is in your life.

Norwich City are my cross to bear because they are Bigus’ cross to bear. Much like my wife has had to suffer the slings and arrows of being married to a Buffalo Bills fan – the foul moods, the exultation-followed-by-inevitable-heartbreak – I suffer with Norwich because I can’t stand the thought of watching my good mate’s team drop to (shudder) League One. The lad would be devastated. I can’t bear the thought of watching him endure such a thing.

So every week, like a Stockholm-Syndrome victim, I follow the ins and outs of Carrow Road. I check the table. I follow the transfer rumours. I try to figure out how in hell a club in Norwich’s position could possibly hire an utterly inexperienced manager at such a critical time. I do the points math. I try to figure out how many points Watford’s two matches in hand are worth.

I do this because Norwich are in my life as surely as they are in Bigus’ life. Last Spring, there were a group of us dying every Saturday as Norwich stumbled to safety. There were weeks when a critical Chelsea victory somehow mattered less to my state of mind than a Norwich away draw.

Now, you might think that I would hate Norwich for this. Hate them like I hate the demons that have ruined other friends’ lives. Demons like alcohol, depression or cancer. But I worship Demon Chelsea. I have a Blue fever to Bigus’ Yellow. I can’t help but sweat every result in the Canary saga.

England, too. Do you remember watching England with your English mates the last, say, 20 major international tournaments? Have you bought an England shirt in fellowship? Does the thought of PKs haunt your dreams?

Or do you have a Tottenham supporter friend? If so, nothing more need be said.

Who is your Tortured Friend’s Team?

How have you debased yourself cheering them on for your friend?

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Have Chelsea Gone Bonkers?

What a mess. After finally winning trophies following years of frustration, Chelsea has regressed to the Ken Bates (that's Ken in fightin' form to the left) circus days. Roman Abramovich has now sacked four managers, three in the last 18 months. A Chelsea supporter’s take on the current situation at Stamford Bridge follows after the jump.

Big Phil Scolari had utterly lost the dressing room. That’s the buzz. John Terry and Frank Lampard had pleaded with the Brazilian to institute stronger fitness regimes. His tactics - remember the man to zonal to man-marking week? - were mystifying. Results were poor. After early success, Chelsea have looked lost, unfit, and, yes, disinterested in their recent run of poor form. With the League lost, and critical fixtures in the FA Cup (not Watford, the next fixture) and Champions League (losing to Ranieri’s Juventus?) coming up, the Hull draw this past weekend really was the last straw. I am a loyal, Blue-tinted guy, but that performance on Saturday was poor, poor, poor. Villa are, in fact, better than us at this point. If we don’t change something, we’ll drop down to Arsenal-level. And that would be unacceptable. I fucking hate Arsenal.

Now, you can criticize Roman for being impatient. That insufferable red-faced drunk up in Manchester certainly had his go. But you cannot question his commitment to football and success. He ran Jose Mourinho out, not because of the Rosenberg draw, but because he couldn’t see Jose taking Chelsea to the top of the world. He was wrong, to my mind. But the point is that Roman is not just another rich chairman. He cares about the game and ruthlessly competes to win. The one good piece of fall-out from this week’s events is that it seems to put the lie to the angle that Roman is looking to sell.

Where from here? I think that Guus Hiddink is an excellent stop gap. Chelsea need time to find a permanent manager. I’m personally up for a Billy Martin-style return by Jose. Ancelotti? Worth a try. Zola and Clarke? Steve Clarke’s departure is what killed Phil’s chances and, arguably, previously enabled Mourinho’s success. And I do love Zola…Z-O-L-A, Zola!...the pair’s effect on Hammers has been remarkable. In any event, Hiddink can certainly do this job and maintain Russia for a few months. Again, we need time to consider everyone, currently available or not.

The club needs work. While I don’t buy the argument that they are too old as a group, there needs to be more youth, pace and fitness. Drogba (I still believe), the Coles, Mikel, Essien, Terry, Lampard, Carvalho, Bosingwa and Cech? Still a solid core. Kalou is a useful bench player. Belletti, Deco (who was old when he started), Malouda, Ballack, Anelka (I don’t care if he scores for fun, he is a cancer)…get them out. Run the kids out. Miroslav Stoch has had a couple of impressive appearances. We have not fallen far, but our standards are high. Get in!

All my friends here on UF can take comfort in the fact that Wenger and Rafa will never be fired. I will admit that I would love some stability at my club. But I also know that my Liverpool and Arsenal-supporting fans have questions about their managers as well. And that their clubs are hardly lighting the world on fire. A little Stamford Bridge (and Carrow Road?) impatience with performance is not a bad thing. In particular, if I were a Red, Rafa would terrify me most of the time.

That last little bit was a pathetic, and ultimately unsuccessful, attempt to keep Bigus from the assault on Chelsea he is bound to mount in the comments below. Chelsea are Bigus' Moby Dick.

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Trouble in Boys' Town

Yesterday, it was reported that Cesc Fabregas will miss 4 months with "a knee." To my mind, Cesc is Arsenal's first, second and third best player.

Sitting fifth in the table after a disappointing start, will Arsenal finally splash cash on big signings in January? And who stands to benefit from the Gunners' troubles?

On top of Arsenal's other struggles, the loss of Fabregas will make the second half of the season that much more difficult. One would expect Arsene Wenger to spend big in the January Transfer window to bring in some experienced depth to protect their VERY lucrative CL spot. However, Wenger's "Boys Town" strategy defines him. He might well rather finish 5th or 6th his way than claw his way to fourth having brought in grown ups.

Looking at the table, Arsenal are fifth on 31 points. Forget United in fourth; that's an illusion given their two games in hand. So Villa are three points above the Gunners in true fourth. Below "Boys Town" are Hull, Everton and Fulham. Nothing really scary there, you say? However, consider that Hull grabbed 27 points in their first 18 games. Hull! Who's to say that an Everton or a Portsmouth can't make a run? And how many points will Arsenal get in the second half?

Looking further down, it seems that even lowly Tottenham picked the right year to get off to a slow start. Their 19 points after 18 games is pathetic. But that's only 12 points behind Arsenal and are bound to do much better in the spring. I doubt they'll catch the Gunners, but that poses the question...

Who is best situated to take advantage of Cesc's injury on top of Arsenal's other troubles? Villa is the obvious answer, but who else do you like?

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Jonathan Glassgate

The BBC article on England's training for their upcoming friendly with the Czech Republic is pretty standard stuff. Ashton and Carrick are hurt. Bent and Crouch are off. Ho hum.

But, hello?, what's this with Jonathan Woodgate?

The 28-year-old defender was excused a session at Arsenal's London Colney facilities because of his history of fitness problems.

What's this? He's excused, not because he's hurt, but because he gets hurt a lot? What, he gets hurt so easily that he might get a knock in training? Whaaaa?! Couldn't they at least give him one of those "don't hit me" red jerseys quarterbacks wear?

Now, certainly, Woodgate has a history of injury problems at Newcastle and Real Madrid. And he has a wide, if perhaps unfair, reputation for being fragile. But he's avoided those issues for the most part his last two seasons with Middlesbrough and Tottenham. So I guess this caution is for his injury problems from years back?

Why is Jonathan Glassgate even on the squad? If you can't risk him in training, why risk him in a friendly? Jonathan assures the staff that he will be available against the Czechs. You know, because he's not actually hurt or anything. Just, um, resting up. Kicking back. Taking it easy. Avoiding any unnecessary risk is all.

Spurs supporters, currently licking their wounds after a comprehensive loss to Middlesbrough to start the season, are counting on a back line anchored by Mr. Glassgate and Ledley King (who has his own, and more recent, history of injury)...

Good luck with that! (Spurs supporters may feel free to have at me for the Carling Cup Final. Johnny certainly wasn't hurt that day.)

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EPL Preview: Portsmouth

Harry Redknapp is rightly celebrated in the south of England. After saving Portsmouth from relegation, he put the pieces together for an impressive campaign last year. Top half of the League. A spot in the UEFA Cup. And an FA Cup that, while perhaps tarnished by a fortunate run of matches (though they did take down United in the quarters), still stands as the first FA Cup won in 13 years by a club other than the Big Four of United, Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool.

‘Arry. The Pompey faithful. Fratton Park . A squad built on steel, muscle, and experience. Playing in a crusty old ground that vibrates every weekend. Managed by a self-promoting but exceedingly personable character who may still be underrated. If there is a side that better personifies the battling nature that should define the middle of the Premiership table, I haven’t found them. Pompey give the Tottenhams’ of the world the shits one would normally get from bad lasagna.

After the jump, I’ll preview YOUR 2009-09 Portsmouth Blue Army…


Harry overpaid for Peter Crouch . 11m pounds. Really? For a guy who couldn’t really get a run at Liverpool and who specializes in terrorizing Macedonia? But the bean pole has underrated ball skills and, after all, just…scores…goals. He returns to Portsmouth to pair Wee Speed Demon Jermaine Defoe in certainly one of the most mouth-watering strike forces in the League. Pompey will score. And we’ll finally see what a full season brings out of Crouch.


David James. It’s almost hard to remember his moniker “Calamity.” Is he the best keeper in the Prem? His gaffes are more rare, and there are few better pure shot-blockers. I’d say fully 17 clubs in the league would take him in a heartbeat.

The Portsmouth back came together impressively last year. Former Hammer and Chelsea bust Glen Johnson has become perhaps England’s best right back. On the left, Herman Hreidarsson…ok, I don’t know a fucking thing about him. But the pairing of Sylvain Distin and slowing-but-proud Sol Campbell are about as stout as any center-half pair this side of United, Chelsea and Liverpool. And ‘Arry brought in Spurs’ reject Younes Kaboul to deputize the back. This is exactly the kind of move that works out for ‘Arry more often than not.

In the middle, former Chelsea and Arsenal man Lassana Diarra proved the big clubs wrong with a special season in a reserved role. And you may have seen Croatian Niko Kranjcar providing service to his mates in the Euro this summer (the link was from an, umm, prior match). The man can play.

In fact, Portsmouth’s one true weakness to this observer is on the wing. ‘Arry lost underrated Sulley Muntari to Mourinho’s Inter (of course, ‘Arry doubled his money on the sale). This will hurt. But where are the wings? You’ve got Peter Crouch’s head up there! Who’s going to ping them off that towering noggin? Width is Portsmouth’s one true question.

My Chelsea get Pompey this weekend. I’m not sweating the match too much, but it will be fun to open the season against this lot. If you’re looking for a club in the Premiership to follow, you could do much worse. Prediction? They’ll be, to my mind, right in the mix for 5th through 7th with Villa and Spurs (I’ve dropped City and Everton from this frame). Villa has to wonder about Gareth Barry’s attitude. Spurs have to knit a whole new squad. Harry is smiling like a Cheshire Cat. Call it 6th.

I’ll leave you with Pompey’s famous song. The Pompey Chimes. Sing it with me to the Westminster Chimes.

Play up Pompey, Pompey play up!

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EPL Preview: West Ham United

I love the song, OK? Always have. And I have a soft spot in my heart for the entire Hammers thing. The bleak East End economy over the years. The raising of incandescent talent (Frank Lampard, Joe Cole, Rio Ferdinand, Michael Carrick...) for bigger clubs to poach.

The fact is that the Hammers about single-handedly won England their one World Cup (Bobby Moore, Martin Peters and Geoff Hurst... look it up!).

But it’s the song that kills me. "...And like my dreams, they fade and die. Fortune’s always hiding! I’ve looked everywhere! I’m forever blowing bubbles, pretty bubbles in the air!"



Now, sure, if I were a London Chelsea supporter, my soft spot for the Hammers would make little sense. My uncles and dad would have spent their entire life exchanging beatings with Hammers supporters. This is why Bigus mocks me with the sobriquet "Bubbles."

When I went to the FA Cup Final in Cardiff a couple of years back, I passed on Liverpool luxury box tickets to sit with the Hammer support (this was an easy decision), and I sang their song long and loud at the Millenium Stadium. I drank many pints with Hammer supporters at many pubs. These are the Steelers or Bills fans of the Premiership, except that they drink more heavily, typically have a more checkered past (the discussion over pints surrounded how each bloke had gotten banned from continental stadia), and bleaker prospects.

So, yeah, call me Bubbles. I don’t mind. But it’s a better damned song than even "You’ll Never Walk Alone." We all have our soft spots for other clubs. Mine is for Hammers.

This season? The buzz is that Alan Curbishley may be the first manager fired in the League. The Hammers have a notoriously short leash with managers. Alan Pardew and, before him, Glenn Roeder were canned early in new seasons after having had success their previous years. Personally, I think that Curbs is example number one of the English Manager job program. English managers always get another chance after mixed results. (see also Glenn Roeder…so maybe the Hammer board is actually smart!)



Last year they finished 10th, putting Spurs fourth in London, and that’s about where I see them this year. Curbs saw injuries to expensive signings Julien Faubert, Craig Bellamy, Keiran Dyer and Scott Parker. This year they are all back, but for how long?.

However, there has been only one big signing this summer: "The Swiss Beckham", Valon Behrami from Lazio. And they’ve shipped off underwear model Freddy Ljungberg. It appears that the Hammers Icelandic owner wants to wait and see on Curbishley’s success rate. Three successive late season 4-nil thrashings will do that to an owner.

The Hammers have the talent. And Curbishley, all kidding aside, is no slouch. If Dean Ashton and Carlton Cole start scoring and the squad stays healthy? Call it 6th and a spot in Europe. If not? Well, maybe Curbs can move over to the Galaxy....

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EPL Previews: Chelsea. They're Baaack!

Last year, my Blues finished second in three competitions. In the fourth, the FA Cup, they lost to Barnsley. To hear it from the haters, Chelsea choked. You will not be surprised to discover that I view it differently.



Chelsea are nothing if not strong in character and belief. They lost the Champions League on a muffed penalty. They lost the Premiership to a special United season. They lost the Carling to the Spurs because... well someone had to lose a Cup to Spurs at some point. This was not choking. I am a Buffalo Bills fan as well. My friends, I know from choking.

It’s more than just bad luck, though, isn’t it? Look, I think that Avram Grant was a good manager. His accomplishments are impressive. The Dour One took over a dressing room in shock at the sudden, if not surprising, loss of Jose Mourinho and then driving them to the brink of a treble. That’s not easy, and it deserves more respect than it received.

But the fact remains that, tactically, Avram made his share of mistakes. The League was lost on too many late goal concessions to too many Wigans. Grant was categorically out-thought in Moscow by United’s Ferguson. If ever there were a season that showed that last-mile value of a good tactical manager, it was Chelsea’s last campaign.

So, yeah, Big Phil Scolari is exciting. We don’t know how Phil will do in a big league. Phil’s never managed in a big league. Phil has the stones and the passion, as well as the dressing room respect, necessary for success. Tactically? Most agree that Phil’s Brazil and Portugal sides were well managed in big matches. He has to be an improvement over Avram.

The squad?

Peter Cech has been human lately, both last year in Blue and this summer with the Czech Republic. But he’s also still arguably the best keeper in the world. I think that The Cat In The Hat will be fine.

Scolari kept Ricardo Carvalho to partner John Terry at the back. This Chelsea supporter loves JT, but believes that Carvalho is even more valuable. Ashley Cole is now better than he ever was for Arsenal. New signing Jose Bosingwa is exactly what Chelsea have lacked, a threat at right back. Time will tell if he can handle defensive duties.



In the middle of the park, an embarrassment of riches. Frank Lampard was not as incandescent last year, but that only provided space for Michael Ballack to prove his worth. Deeper, Michael Essien is a monster and Jon Obi Mikel still a possible Maka replacement. Add to this the Famous Deco. Few have the little one’s vision and creativity. He’s been fantastic in pre-season play, but I have serious questions as to Deco’s ability to put in the minutes at his age, and the Prem is a hard place for small Southern Europeans.

The other big question is formation. Chelsea have a LOT of talent who are used to playing about every match in the middle of the park. Hmmmm...

Up top, Drogba will be fine. I still don’t see him leaving. If he does leave, we’d better fucking get Robinho. Anelka is not to be counted on. I believe that Malouda will turn good. And Joe Cole is the only Englishman currently playing who can consistently break a defender down off the dribble at speed. Better, Joe was durable last year – posting the most minutes in the squad.

The bench is deep. Cuducini, Bridge, Alex, Belletti, Fucking Sheva, Kalou, Anelka, our tasty 19-year old Argentine starlet Franco di Santo [Ed. Note: a nice video of Spurs conceding goals awaits...] and several others.

Prediction? Chelsea will win the League this year and one more Cup to go with it. And if you are like most of my embittered colleagues here at UF... this will make you insane.

Oh, and Big Phil will make the Big Four Manager mind games fun again!

(I did not mention any further Blue signings. Don’t want to jinx ‘em!)

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Man Bites Dog. English Club Defeats MLS Club.

Each Summer, English clubs embark upon preseason tours in the United States and around the world. And every summer, those English clubs... well... how can I put this... OK, they suck ass. The MLS All-Stars have won five straight against overseas clubs [Ed. Note: their opponents? Guadalajara, Fulham, Chelsea (!), Celtic, West Ham United].

Even mediocre MLS clubs, who most of us think would have a hard time gaining promotion to the First Division of any decent European League, manage to get their backs up and spank the Fulhams, Newcastles, and West Hams of the world.

I attended this past Sunday’s friendly in Colorado between the Rapids and Everton. After the jump, a report...

First off, Dick’s Sporting Goods Park is a very nice facility, another in a line of MLS soccer-specific facilities that are quite fantastic places to take in a match. Autoglass, Mrs. Autoglass, Young Autoglass and our friends in Colorado sat in the front row of Section 124 – side of the penalty area. Decent crowd, affordable food, beer and those fantastic $16 jersey t-shirts they sell at all MLS stadiums for the kids (this is brilliance. Go buy your kid anything for $16 at a baseball game, much less something that amounts to a jersey.)

The action? Sure, Everton had all of the ball, and they won 2-1 on a very late winner. The first Everton goal came out of a sequence in which Arteta was given enough time and space to make some calls, finish a sandwich, and admire the hotties in the crowd before finishing low inside the post from 20 yards.

But time and again, the Rapids made runs at the Toffees. They were pacey, they fought, and you got the feeling that they were not in the slightest intimidated. It was gratifying to see them tackle the Phil Nevilles of the world with extreme prejudice.

Oh, and I made sure my section heckled Phil at every opportunity in the first half [Ed. Note: good lad... the Nevilles are a pox on the earth]. In the second he had a cynical uncalled handball in the area that should have resulted in a go-ahead Rapids PK.

I spoke to some Everton supporters (a surprising number of shirts on display in Colorado!). "What do you expect when you play a club on holiday?" they said, "We don’t have our entire squad... these Yanks are dire." You hear these excuses. You hear them try to talk themselves out of caring when they lose. Hell, I MAKE these excuses for English clubs to my friends! I was on Sunday!

Well, the season starts in a couple of weeks. And, governor, Everton needs some work. Tim Howard was making huge saves all day. Lescott was a step slow (yeah, I said it!). Connor Casey – from Ft. Collins, CO and looking like a construction worker - scored the Rapids equalizer but, more importantly, flat-out embarrassed the Everton back on more than one occasion. And Mastroeni bossed the defensive midfield for stretches.

Look, Everton were better. But they had to claw a win over a bad MLS side, and they also lost 2-nil last week in Chicago!

Something is going on, something that Bigus will not concede. I’m not saying that MLS is ready for the prime-time, but it must be said that English clubs are going to a great deal of effort every summer to come over and lose more often than they win. These are the facts.

For discussion: What’s up with that? Dismiss it at your peril. Bigus, I’m talking to you.

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Take That Off!!!

This pictorial evidence of the bad blood within the Texas classico comes after our earlier post regarding Will Farrell’s discerning taste in apparel.

The fact is that the very sight of certain shirts can elicit a surprisingly strong and reflexive reaction within many of us. Who amongst us has not had their heart drop upon walking into a barbeque and discovering a good friend’s son decked out in some Arsenal rag?

Who hasn’t struck up a conversation with an airport passerby sporting the yellow of Norwich or some other rarely seen specimen? Who doesn’t judge the wearer on the flimsy basis of their choice of Bandwagon Red, whether it be of the Manchester or Merseyside variety?

After the jump, a tour of this Blue’s visceral reactions...

Of course, I’m going to start with the Gunners. I just joined the stable of a Blog that should arguably be renamed Unprofessional Arse. I can guarantee that this post will be tagged with "Douchebags in Chelsea Shirts." [Ed. Note: hey, I'm here to fulfill that guarantee!]

I understand the Haters.

In short, I have a number of good friends who support the Arse. Hirshey is kind enough to never wear Gunner colors, but many of them can’t resist outfitting themselves in a shirt fully 5x too large to be worn by an actual Arsenal player. I see the shirt, and bile rises within me. No matter if they’ve helped me move or bought me pints when I’m short... I hate them then. I’ve gotten in arguments with 8-year-old boys wearing the damned things. You just have to walk up them and make a snide-ass comment, doncha? Yo! Put down the Montrachet, ya prancing ponce! This dude has put down his burgundy and is rockin’ OUT!

The Red of United or Liverpool doesn’t get as much of a rise out of me. I mean, it’s not likely that Floyd Mayweather here, or the dog, or your typical United or Liverpool wearer, really has invested much in the game. They got the shirt because of the history, because United and Liverpool are the Yankees and Cowboys of English football. I would venture to say that, globally, United shirt-wearers watch fewer minutes of actual football than the wearers of any other shirt. Most American Liverpool supporters actually think the Reds could win the Prem some day. How much football could they possibly be watching? So you think, "sigh, well, the shallow fans come with the growth of the game in the States, don’t they? I suppose that’s good."

I came VERY close to putting up a picture of my seven-year old in his Chelsea shirt. I thought better of that. But this is someone’s son. Sure, you say, Chelsea is the new bandwagon. But while wearing Chelsea isn’t quite as controversial as wearing Lazio, it’s hardly an easy choice to wear the shirt of a side that about everyone hates for xenophobic, anti-semitic, or plain spiteful, jealous reasons, is it? Anyhoo, I see a young lad in Blue and it makes me smile. Then I ask him who his favorite player is. (my son’s is Joe Cole).

QPR shirts in Chicago! I love seeing folks in QPR, or Wolves, or Ipswich, or Nottingham Forest shirts. I have a good friend who wears West Brom. Instant conversation! Always something to discuss. And they’ll likely know the game. And their happy you asked after their shirt since they can go days without anyone recognizing it. Makes you want to sing Small World, eh?

These guys? Run. Just run. Why? I can think of five good reasons right off the top of my head. Anyway, don’t make eye contact. Just move along and go home and hug your wife.

What about you? What are your Rorschach Shirts? What sends you into a spittle-spraying rage? What makes you immediately buy the wearer a pint?

Let us know in the comments.

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Sir Trevor channels Jim Mora: "Semis? SEMIS?!!"

[Ed. Note: we'd like to formally welcome Autoglass, the trouble-causing Chelsea fan, to the UF blogging ranks. You might remember him from this splash of glorious prose detailing what Arsenal means to him, and you can welcome him properly in the comments. If Chelsea spend big money, we can all expect him to gloat about it. Take it away, Blue!]

Ingerland, Ingerland, Ingerland!

It’s one of the better chants in International football, to my ear. Simple, but sung with urgency that wills the best of English youth on to success in "their" game. If you spend a lot of time with an Englishman, you can almost smell the desperate passion for their national team.

The closest we’ve come is the 1980 Olympic Hockey team (USA! USA! USA!). That team had NO expectations thrust upon it beforehand, so the passion was limited to the tournament itself and, of course, proved to be rewarded with gold.

While it’s been 42 years since England have won anything, I reckon that an English victory in the World Cup or Euros would about cause many of my closest friends’ heads to explode with joy.

... or maybe their sons’ heads to explode, ‘cuz it may be a while.

Sir Trevor Brooking, head of the English Football Association, recently engaged in some tactical expectations-lowering when discussing the National side...

"I thought there was a lot of quality football in Euro 2008 and the fact we didn't qualify was almost a reality check," Brooking told Sky Sports News. "We don't want to go from that (not qualifying) to saying we need to be in the last four of the World Cup."

Put that in context. Imagine Mike Krzyzewski coming out ahead of the Olympics and saying that US expectations should be about making the medal round rather than winning the whole thing. Patience, Mike counsels!

"What!? We invented the goddamn game! You’re going to cede excellence to buncha Brazilians and Croats!!!"

It’s been said before, and by better thinkers than me: England have some serious issues with their national team development. They're a side so balled-up with the nauseating fear of failure that they sometimes seem more concerned with keeping their butts clenched tight than with constructing an actual attack.

They possess talent that, for all the money and hype in the world’s richest league, is remarkably lacking in the ball skill necessary to break anyone down at the highest levels. I mean, you’ve got Joe Cole, Theo Walcott and... who else, exactly? Gerrard and Lampard and Rooney ain’t dribbling past anyone. Too often they are left with their admirable grit and steel, and unimaginative long balls hoofed up to the head of Peter Crouch.

England just failed to make the final 14 of the Euros (given the last two spots to Austria and Switzerland), and it's worth noting that Europe has 13 spots for the World Cup. The English consider one of those spots their birthright on the way to, as Brooking points out, an expected spot in the Semis.

While unlikely, it’s still quite possible that things could get worse for the Three Lions before it gets better.

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