Sunday, February 15, 2009

Let's be careful out there

Facebook is both awesome and scary. It's awesome when some girl starts chatting you up about your fandom of Manchester United and invites you over for a shag. It's scary when she turns out not to exist because you've just been put on by two Liverpool supporters. It hits this blog when they tell your wife about what you've done, and then put the picture you sent the fictitious"her" with a pink vibrator in your mouth all over the interwebs.

So, yeah, there's a lot of bedroom FAIL going on with United supporters lately. Next thing you know, we'll be reading about Sir Alex shagging sheep. Crap, no wait, that's a joke on Aberdeen. Strike that.

Speaking of Aberdeen, it's about 400 miles away from Sheffield, where Stuart Slann lives. Back on January 31st, Mr. Slann took up the invitation of one "Emma" for a meetup in Aberdeen. Emma Read is the Facebook nom de plume of one of two Liverpool supporters Stuart had met on holiday in Cancun back in November. Long story short, it did not end well.

Winding back to November, we find out that Stuart vacayed in Cancun for three weeks. During that time (at the bar, natch) Stuart got to know a couple of Scousers, who were also in the Yucatan for some winter sun. By all accounts, everything was amiable for a bit, but the Liverpool boys, who just happen to be cage fighters, eventually tired of Stuart's bragging on Manchester United. One night, they challenged him to sing some Liverpool songs. Stuart refused, and the cage fighters threw Slann into the pool, breaking his ankle. However, their revenge was not complete.

Upon return, as told by "Emma" on this Facebook page, one of the Scousers decided Stuart needed a little bit more winding up. Under the onlne guise of Emma he contacted Stuart on Facebook, and got Slann to fall in love with "her." Emma then invited Stuart up just north of Aberdeen for a romantic tryst.

Slann dutifully made the 10-hour trip and even waited while his online love had to stay late at work. Emma then asked for Stuart to send a picture of him being saucy. Stuart complied with a picture of him sucking on the pink vibrator.

After sitting for three hours without Emma showing up, Stuart finally decided to call up Emma and find out exactly what the hold up was. Imagine his surprise when he heard a couple of all too familiar voices. This video combines both the picture and that phone call.

Now Stuart's in a whole heap of a mess. His wife (oh, did I forget to mention he was married?) is leaving him, and the above video on Break is approaching 500k views. How does Stuart feel about it? Well, someone was good enough to take a screenshot of his Facebook page upon his return home. I'd say he's not happy.

Anyway, let his be your UF The More You Know moment. If you will excuse me, I have to go delete some people whom I don't really remember from high school. I suggest you do the same and apply caution in you future endeavors on that wonderful/evil site.


Mike Georger said...

I'm so so proud of those two.

Andrew said...

So now's not the time to tell the story of how I drove to Shreveport to fuck an Arsenal fan?

ü75 said...

We're getting lots of links to this story and, inevitably, every link has one guy who says "Why does it matter he's a Man U fan?" (probably from some butthurt Man U fan). So, I'll attempt to spell it out as monosyllabicly as possible for the idiots:

The first fight was 'cuz Slann would not stop running his mouth 'bout the team he likes--Man U. Though Slann would ne'er have had a chance in hell to have played for said team. The 'Pool boys had heard too much and threw Slann in the bar's pool when ol' Stu refused to sing any 'Pool songs with them. It was pride in a team that brought Stu pain.

That's why it matters. Hope you mouthbreathers didn't trip up over the use of "running" in the explanation.