Tevez' whopping wages will keep him in new tea cozies for quite a while.
So Tevez has decided. It's taken all summer for his owners to thumb through all 3 offers for their slave and finally they flogged the tiny forward to Manchester Arabia. Of course, Tevez had the final say...And what a say it was. Tevez has joined Manchester Arabia because of their 'ambition' and not because of the 150k a week wages he will be investing in binkies.
"City's boss and owner came with a very good proposal, they showed me that City has the ambition to be one of the biggest clubs in the world. This made it easy to make the move. Money was never important." - Carlos Tevez speaking through his interpreter.
So Tevez is ambitious? Surely if this was the case, he wouldn't have left the current Premier League Champions and a team that handed him a Champions League medal two years ago would he? Or turn down a move to Chelsea. Aren't they ambitious? With a Russian billionaire owner and top players? Also, a sure sign of Carlos' desire to do well, aka 'ambition', would be his eager desire to have spent every spare moment learning English, making it possible for him to communicate with his managers. After 3 years of living in er..England, he hasn't!
Talking of communication, Tevez is claiming that Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson never spoke to him. EVER. Not just with regards to staying at Old Trafford. In response, Fergie says that he sent Tevez texts messages and he didn't receive a reply. Just a guess, but If Tezez doesn't speak English, talking to him would probably be a little difficult. If he can't read English, Ferguson's text's would probably evoke a similar response from Tevez as to yours, should the next paragraph in this blog read like this...
Ydepsopdug jhdyf hfujhfjd hdudocd. Hlkkfhdlkfdl jhfkfdkdg skfdkdl hhd idfh kdjfldlf jdkjfldljf l fhdlkj fjkdfj ld;ljdl kjdiur'egl'dkldgkgj dlfjf gd;fdjflg, hkdfhdkjfhdk. hfkdufhd fldfkd .Ueytrirtocj hjd's djoedor hfjdfhfjdkfj . Xoqwpri ldfgflfop.
Strong argument eh? I know, sometimes I surprise myself.
Of course both parties are completely full of shit. United spoke to Tevez' people and Tevez is looking to find an excuse to justify moving to an 'ambitious club' that doesn't offer Champions League football.
This is what really bugs me about footballers. No loyalty is a given these days, but no honesty? Just be honest. You have a limited career and want to earn as much money as possible. I get it. You get it. My dog gets it. Claiming that 'ambition' is the reason for moving to a club that has Shay Given in goal, a back pair formed from Nedum Onuoha/ Tal Ben-Haim and Richard Dunne and 10 strikers for competition, is just not believable on any level.
Man up Tevez, grow a pair. The truth is, 150k a week cannot be turned down, and that won't change when Adebayor and maybe John Terry spout the same bollocks in Arabia blue sometime in the near future.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Ambition Not Avarice?
Monday, July 13, 2009
Macheda's Week Gets Worse.
Poor old Macheda. Wagless and Watch-less. First of all his woman drops him like a hot potato and then two men bust into his crib, rob him of all his worldly possessions and rough up his mate. Yep, another footballer has fallen victim to armed robbery. This appears to be a real problem in the north west, especially with Manchester United and Liverpool players.
The robbery took place at Federico Macheda's home in Sale during the early hours of Sunday morning. The Italian striker's friend received a minor cut to his head, and there were reports of an incident in Manchester on Saturday evening that could have been connected to the crime, but police will not confirm that this is the case.
A bad week indeed. Still, Federico is a 17-year-old footballer. As you can see from the picture above, I'm sure he'll be selecting a new WAG soon and a fancy watch will make just a small dent in this week's wages.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Welcome to Bizarro World
I'll admit, upon reading the late night rumors that one Michael James Owen, former England goalscorer, was being lined up for a move to Old Trafford, I was giddy.
Little Mikey Owen, former Liverpool golden boy, who'd burst onto the scene with THAT goal against Argentina in 1998, only to see his career spiral continually downwards after a move to El Bernabéu in 2004, was actually on the cusp of joining the reigning Premier League champions.
This was the man who had resurrected Liverpool back from the dead in 2001, stealing the FA Cup from the Gunner's grasps. He seemingly had the world at his feet, until the rest of his body started letting him down.
And yet, his career takes another interesting turn.
You know the recent history; marginalized at Madrid, the return to England with the Barcodes, doing his knee against Sweden in Germany and the subsequent laundry list of injuries and underwhelming performances that have followed.
Michael Owen is supposed to be washed up. Those weak little hamstrings can no longer propel him past defenders so easily like they used to. It would appear that his bones have been crystallized and are just as fragile. His game is begging for reinvention, yet he can't stay on the pitch long enough to unveil Michael Owen 2.0. For the love of God, fucking Hull City Football Clubwere flirting with signing him. Big Sam, whose gotten more than a few miles out of older, supposedly 'done' players, even took a pass on bringing him to Blackburn. Yet, here's Sir Alex Ferguson, swooping in the sign up the diminutive forward. (interesting fact: if you write about Michael Owen, you're legally required to use the word 'diminutive' in any essay over 200 words)
Manchester United have lost His Doucheness and Carlos Tevez and are replacing them with Antonio Valencia and Michael Owen. Really? As Father Time continues to stalk Giggs and Scholes, this is how SAF chooses to replace all that lost firepower? With a man who hasn't played more than 30 league matches (he's hit 31 total each of the past two years) and has only scored 30 goals over that same period of time.
This is the man United are turning to in hopes of continued glory? That must have been one hell of a brochure.
Obviously, he's passed a physical so his legs can't be utter Jello. Obviously, his deal will be structured around how often he features and produces. Obviously, United will consider an alternative option to Rooney and Berbatov.
But, still... Is this actually happening?
Sure, if Owen overcomes his own past history, stays fit and fires home a few crucial goals to help United lift more silverware, it will be one hell of a story. (and good cause for certain UFers to cry into the massive amounts of alcohol they've turned to ease the suffering -- present company included). But what are the chances that this actually happens? Does anybody REALLY think Owen is going to stay healthy and find that elusive renaissance under SAF?
Um, no.
This ends as expected. This ends poorly.
I'm sorry, Michael. "I wish... you had... more time..."
But you don't.
And I'm going to enjoy this.
UF Quick Throw: Owen To United. No Really!
It's surprise Friday, the unthinkable is happening. Michael Owen is joining Manchester United! That's if he passes a medical. Owen is currently at United's Carrington training ground undergoing fitness tests. If Owen gets the green light and signs for the Premier League champions, then surely this could be hailed as the mother of all comebacks. Just last week Owen's desperate plea for a new club, was met with interest from Stoke and Hull. Owen is available on a free transfer after 4 injury hit years at Newcastle United, making just 79 appearances. Owen's injuries whle at Newcastle included groin, ankle, thigh, hernia, metatarsal and knee ligament tears. Time will tell if Owen can produce the kind of form he had while at Liverpool, early in his career, but United have successfully been here before. Anyone remember Teddy Sherringham?
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Random EPL Sighting Possible In Rhode Island
This is completely random, but it appears Manchester United midfielder Nani, who is looking to fill the shoes of the recently departed Cristiano Ronaldo, will be in Rhode Island tomorrow. Nani is bringing along his countryman Ricardo Vaz Te, a winger for Bolton Wanderers of the Premier League. The two Portuguese will be on hand for the Day of Portugal celebration for Rhode Island.
Apparently, June 10 was the Day of Portugal holiday celebrated by Portuguese speaking areas around the world and this weekend there will be additional celebrations in Rhode Island.
If anybody wants to or can make the trek to Rhode Island, there is a UF post in it for you.
Nani and Vaz Te are scheduled to be a part of the soccer demonstration during Youth Day portion of the celebration. Joining the two Premier League players will be Nani's cousin Fabio Ivan who was the reason Nani is even attending. Ivan plays for the USL PDL Rhode Island Stingrays club. Nani will also be on hand to sign autographs at a Stingrays match Saturday evening.
If we had known about this earlier and you are under 21, you could have registered for the soccer demonstration. For more information on Youth Day go here or here.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
C-Ron to Real: The Implications at both ends
As one would expect, the C-Ron transfer shenanigan is consuming all other soccer news in its path, devouring smaller stories as ferociously as Janice Dickinson sucks up lines of cocaine from her kitchen table. Yes, it's finally over. A team has sold a player to another team, and we must sit back to avoid overdosing on the hyperbole. But we cannot!
Given that C-Ron is not your average player changing hands in a summer transfer (sorry, Gareth Barry; did you notice less journo flacks at your first Citeh press conference this morning?), there's an obvious and massive knock-on effect for both sides of this nifty slice of business.
For United and Real Madrid, things are about to change dramatically. Precious Roy already took a wonderful look at it from the money side, and now I fancy examining the consequences on the pitch.
Manchester United: the band loses its egotistical lead singer
For the Reds, the immediate future is obvious; they're losing an incredible amount of goals from a wide position. 91 in three seasons from their best offensive producer, their free-kick genius, and their versatile winger who also thrived in a center-forward role that Ferguson tried towards the end of the season.
The void is massive, and the wishlist of suitors who are capable, willing and able to fill the role (not without a massive favor from any of Europe's great domestic clubs who might be content to sit on their stockpiled stars) isn't very big at all. After all, who would dare be the team to immediately improve a franchise that sorely needs the help up front? Not to mention that every player they covet (Ribery, Villa, Aguero) has countless other suitors.
Simply put, C-Ron is as close as it gets to irreplaceable these days. While the Era of the Individual, that hazy, highlight-packed period that really kicked off in the late 90s, is still present, the team dynamic and proliferation of tactically-astute managers has lessened its impact.
In spite of the shift, C-Ron is/was one of those precious few who could lift his team out of the doldrums created by negative gameplans, and without him, United look a lot more one-dimensional. They will struggle to pull through some matches without Ronaldo's ability to provide spark, something he did just as much on the field as he did off.
Consider that Man U scored just 68 goals in the EPL this past season. It's still a proud figure, but it's the lowest tally to spur an EPL trophy march since 1992/93.
And so, who will provide the goals? Wayne Rooney is a great player, but he is not industrious enough to play provider and scorer all for himself (one of C-Ron's many talents included taking enough pressure away from his batterymates).
Carlos Tevez? His workrate and effort eclipse that of most in United's squad, and yet his natural style of play has been stifling to that of Rooney, considering the two are so similar. Oh, and this is without mentioning that Tevez is a dead cert to leave Old Trafford, having been relegated unfairly to the second or third string.
Dimitar Berbatov? Perhaps one of the EPL's laziest players, so unflinching in his sloth that those sublime moments of individual skill are, when he can be bothered, that much more breathtaking. However, through analytical eyes, it's clear he is not providing an adequate return on the investment.
Danny Welbeck? Federico Macheda? Woefully unseasoned for a full season of title-chasing strain and stress, despite the Hollywood-esque entrance made by the young Italian.
With this loss, United will need to show their defensive strength more than ever, as it might be the biggest weapon they still possess. When you consider that C-Ron is arguably the best player in the world operating today, there can be no sufficient replacement. Ferguson has done this sort of thing in the past, selling big-name stars to the surprise of many (Andrei Kanchelskis, Ruud van Nistelrooy, David Beckham), but none of them have had the singular importance to the team -- all preening, sulk and arrogance aside -- as Cristiano Ronaldo does.
United fans should console themselves with the assertion that his poisonous ego was detrimental to the Red Army's movement, although when the well of goals runs dry, that will not be a very comforting mantra. For all his petulance, it's hard to argue that Ronaldo didn't get the job done when asked.
Real Madrid: Florentino Perez isn't a fan of Moneyball
However you choose to look at it, this is good business for Real Madrid. It helps to re-establish their credibility once more as a domestic and European force, it aids the rebuilding process of their worldwide brand (it had been six or so years between Galacticos cycles), and it reinvigorates a league that could really use a legitimate dramatic counterpoint to the homegrown, grassroots might of Barcelona.
Florentino Perez has achieved all of this with just two signatures -- 2007's World Player of the Year, Kaka, and now 2008's World Player of the Year, Cristiano Ronaldo.
We know from the last galacticos incarnation (think Sealab 2020, but more attractive) that it can work -- they won two league titles in three years before their dismantling -- but this time around, they must address their woes at the back, as well as figuring out just how all the jigsaw pieces will fit together.
Having tons of offensive firepower and might doesn't automatically crown you King of the World. Brazil 1982 was full of stepover kings and electrifying strikers, and yet all it took was a well-drilled, hungry Italy to topple them because of their frailty at the back. It happens all the time, in that respect; the rush for superstars is so heady and intense, like a heroin addict fiending for the needle, that the unglamorous behind-the-scenes fortification is neglected.
Their backline was shown to be paper-thin in the Champions League, and will be again unless changes are made. Iker Casillas is only 28, but his workload between the posts must make him feel twice as old. There's Sergio Ramos, a right-back who rarely bothers to defend. Heinze and Salgado are both approaching being put out to pasture, Marcelo is inconsistent and prone to being caught too far forward, and then Pepe has shown his fondness for violence when frustrated and flustered at the back.
It's an awful platform for which to help Kaka, Ronaldo and company do what they need to do moving forward; one wonders just what money they will spend on the blue collar improvements they will sorely need.
And then there's the tactical question; just how do you make everyone work together? Looking at their squad, they're logjammed at every position, and it'll take some masterful work by whoever steps through the revolving managerial door to keep everyone happy for more than a season and a half.
Good business, to be sure, but an acquisition that brings with it a parade of questions and quibbles that need to be addressed. After all, Ronaldo's desire to move wasn't just for the improvement in weather. He craves the success that he enjoyed at United, and then some.
Cristiano Ronaldo And Why Jon Gruden Knew His Sale Was Inevitable
So Crissy is off to Spain and United are £80M the better for it.
That gives United a nice little kitty to swing with in the transfer market. Who will they target? Tevez? Ribery? Villa?
How about nobody?
Yes. Nobody. Okay, it might only be nobody of consequence. There could be a £5M youngster here or a cheaper veteran there (can Arsenal sell Silvestre back to United for a bag of magic sand?) but United might not have the equivalent of a blank check to go spend now that they've unloaded Cristiano Ronaldo.
Why not? Because there is the most gigantic white elephant in all of football poised precariously over Old Trafford.
Lest people forget, United are carrying a massive amount of debt, £699M. And unlike Chelsea's quasi-fictitious debt, United's is real. In other words, they owe it to people that want it back. Really, there's been plenty of ink this week about Hicks and Gillett and Liverpool's finances, but United have over twice the debt of Liverpool FC (I believe the Guardian had LFC's at roughly £320).
United had a pre-tax loss of almost £45M last year. That's with the club's debt rising each of the last two years. I seem to recall when I found any detailed numbers for the club (maybe from two years ago—and pardon my not digging this up right this moment), the only reason they were cash flow positive that year was because they had rescheduled some debt and pocketed the difference to fund operations.
In other words, and this is just an example, instead of owing £300M over 5 years at 7% they said to some lender "How about you give us an additional £100M and we'll owe you £400M but we'll pay it back over 7 years but at 9%." And the lender said, "Okay."
United is worth a ton, but they owe a ton. In fact they've got something like £175M of the debt financed at a crippling 14%. And you can't just look at it and say "Well they owe £699M but the team is worth twice that, so they are fine." The largest asset on the United books is "Goodwill" which, as an accounting term, is simply the amout you paid above book value for something. So United's biggest asset is simply how much the Glazers were willing to overpay for the club.
What's more important than the book value for United as a going concern is the marginal cost of operating the club, and given the negative cash flows, it's greater than the marginal revenue the club is generating.
Think about the Liverpool situation. Liverpool is worth more way more than the £300M-and-change it owes the banks. Hicks and Gillett think it's worth more than that, which is why they borrowed that amount. They figured they would make enough to pay it back. The bank thinks its worth more than that. That's why they took the club as collateral. As a banker, you wouldn't secure a loan with an asset that's worth less than the money you are lending.
Liverpool's problem isn't the value of the club. The owners might be forced to sell because they can't cover the marginal costs of operations (specifically they don't have the cash on hand to make a very large debt payment due to their banks).
A potential buyer also knows what the club is worth. But they also sense that the owners might be fucked and that the banks don't really want to own the club. So they are biding their time so they can wait until the owners are forced to sell at a heavy discount (if it gets to that), or until after the banks take it over and want to unload it so they don't have to deal with running a football club.
Okay, so what's happening at United that is all that different? They are operating at a loss and their debt is going up year after year. What if they were to miss the Champions League. All of the sudden a huge chunk of change is gone. Now maybe they can't meet their debt obligations and suddenly find themselves in a situation similar to Hicks and Gillett.
Once you get down to it, what are a football clubs real assets? A stadium, the shirt sponsor, media rights, the brand... what else? A buyer for United isn't going to say, "Well, you paid £X in goodwill, so I'm certainly going to pay more than that." No, they are going to wait until the club is fucked as possible and try to lowball every place they can.
There is just less talk about the Glazers and United than there is Hicks and Gillette at Anfield because the former have done a much better job of being opaque and keeping their names out of the papers. But things might not be so rosy at Old Trafford.
For a hint of how things might be in the Glazer's financial house, take a look at the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, the other pro sports organization owned by the Glazers.
The Bucs have out-and-out released high-priced veterans, fired coach Jon Gruden and his hefty contract and replaced him with a complete (and much cheaper) unknown. They have moved training camp from Disney/Orlando back to Tampa to save money and they even canceled the club's Christmas party to save money.
The Buccaneers have more money under the salary cap than any other team in the NFL this off-season. Most teams clear cap space to go out and sign high-priced free agents. Not the Bucs, they haven't signed anyone of note (or cost). They are cutting costs. Period.
The Glazers can let the Bucs go to pot and not invest money in them for a few years because they won't get relegated out of the NFL. Just doesn't happen. Even if the Bucs become the Detroit Lions for a few seasons, fans will still turn up and the enormous TV contract will still put money in the Glazers' pockets.
But if they don't pour money into United, they'd be screwed. There's no safety net the EPL. If that side drops from the Top 4 or doesn't advance in the Champions League, the hit to their revenues could be significant. So there is a very real possibility that the Glazers have to use the savings from Tampa to subsidize the massive debts of United.
The selling of Ronaldo, it might have less to do with his petulance and any personal conflict with Alex Ferguson than it does with the Glazers' finances.
If I were a United fan, I might not be alarmed but I'd be concerned and would certainly start paying a lot more attention to what's happening in South Florida and start asking some questions about the ownership of my club. You might not be able to draw a direct line from Tampa to Manchester, but it is more than just peculiar the way the Bucs are suddenly being run.
That's what also makes this sale so intriguing. With Ronaldo in the line-up that team is almost a lock for finishing 1 or 2 in the league and making it into the group stage of the Champions League. Without Ronaldo in the side, that team looked absolutely pedestrian (remember they drew at home to fucking Newcastle then struggled to win at Portsmouth when he was out).
How much is that worth to the club? More than £80M?
This is still Manchester United. They have the best manger in the game and they are still loaded with talent. But they are also losing the best player in the game. Suddenly deep cup runs and parking atop the league table become much more difficult tasks for United. And without the money from those extra games servicing £699M becomes more difficult. What if, without Cristiano Ronaldo, United finish next season like Arsenal finished this season? Fourth place, no trophies, no Champions League final. Do they forgo more money than they made in the sale? Did they pay down enough debt for it not to matter?
If you look into the numbers United are not rock solid financially as what they are doing isn't sustainable indefinitely. Moves this summer might be done more out of financial necessity than European glory.
Of course if United turn around and spend every last cent of the Ronaldo transfer fee to bring in players then this is all off the mark. Now that the Red Devils have accepted Madrid's truckloads of cash, what happens next will say more about the Glazers than they have ever said about themselves.
QT: Man U sends Ronaldo to Real Madrid
Sir Alex has reached the end of his rope it seems, and has shipped the petulant striker to Real Madrid for 80 Million Pounds. I'm sure he's miffed that he was worth less than Kaka, but they can perhaps compare which bath soaps help soothe their skin after a tough match. No word on what the Manchester United fans are doing right now, other than convincing themselves that a Rooney is better than a pretty boy.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
UF After Dark: Federico Macheda Is Officially A Footballer Now
dance n rnb n hip hop, roooobieeee williams TILL I dieeeee !!! AND
Manchester United young star Federico Macheda may have scored the goal against Aston Villa that saved United's title winning season this year. But, the young Italian striker did not become a professional footballer until he bagged his first WAG. (Note: Kiko may have already bagged a few WAGs already, but this is the first I am seeing any news of WAGtion for the young guy.) UF has secured a few candid photos of Macheda's WAG.
So, who is the young lass who has captured the Italian's heart? Well, she's a Scouse model and promotions girl with a size FF bra. And, she's older. She's 18, which is older than Macheda. And before I forget, she's quite the wordsmith. From her Myspace page:
Indeed.
FUNKYYYYYY TOTALLLLYYY ROCKKKKK MYYY SOCKKKSSSSS LOVE TO BE BOPPIN AND JUMPIN IN
TWN WIV MY GIRLSSSSSS TILL 6AM WITH DA FUNKY BLASTINNNN !!!! WOOOOOO COS LETS
FACE IT WE GET ALL THE GUYSSSSSSSS MY GIRLSSSS R STUNNNNINNNGGGGG
!!!!!!
These two young lovebirds have a story for the ages about how they met. It was love at first click as Macheda first saw her photo on Facebook and poked her requested to be her friend. The rest, as they say, is history or at least IM caches.
Anyway, the photos I have culled from the intertubes below, which I know is all you are really interested in right now.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
UF Power Poll: La Última
After months spent yo-yoing with Manchester United, our final rankings place Barcelona at the undisputed height of European football. On a neutral ground, with competent officiating, the Catalans devastated the English champs, the scoreline-- just 2-0-- belying United's epic capitulation. As for the rest, our panel mostly recognized the champions of Europe's foremost leagues (sorry Standard Liege, not a vote forya), so please welcome German legends Wolfsburg and French giants Bordeaux to our final account of the season that was...
1) Barcelona - 1.00 (1st, 1.38)
Funny to think how close Barca came to bowing out at Stamford Bridge. If Iniesta pokes that ball just a bit off point, we're probably talking about United's second straight title.. or worse, Chelsea's first ever. It wouldn't have taken much. There would have been no Guardiola Gladiator video, no Catalan midfield majesty, and no Drunk Messi. One shudders at the thought.
So raise a glass to the Barcelona class of 2009... Blau-grana al vent, un crit valent, Tenim un nom, el sap tothom: Barça! Barça! Baaarça!!!!
2) Manchester United - 2.09 (2nd, 1.63)
Shame really that this year's edition will be remembered by many for their listless performance in Rome. In a way it's a credit to United that a season in which they've won three trophies, including the league, might still leave a bad taste in the mouths of the team, supporters, and pundits. With Tevez on his way out and Ronaldo feeding the boss to the lions and Berbatov being Berbatov and Rooney being inconsistent as ever and Rio getting older and the Old Guys getting older and Hargreaves career in doubt, it's a mystery what United will look like next year. Sadly or not, when all's said and done, they'll probably look like Champions again.
T-3) Chelsea - 3.55 (3rd, 3.88)
A lovely finish to the season for the Chelsea boys. Whereas the finale was a stain on United's year, the Blues were able to wrap up an uneven campaign in a pretty yellow bow-- kind of like how Lampard tied up the Everton defense on his shocking FA Cup winner. But even Frankie Boy's left-footed magic can't overshadow the Scolari disaster and that fateful evening at Stamford Bridge. The first part they were right to correct as soon as they did, the only regret being that they didn't begin the season with The Goose. It's fair to say they'd have finished no worse than second in the league if Hiddink had managed a full season. As for the Barcelona game, let's just say there were bad calls in both directions, and even if Chelsea should have had a PK here or there, the game was STILL there to be won. The actions of the players during (Ballack!) and after (Drogba!) the game make you wonder if this group will ever have the stones to bring home trophies on a consistent basis.
T-3) Liverpool - 3.55 (4th, 4.13)
The most impressive second-place side in recent memory.
A thoroughly weird season for Liverpool ended with a meaningless beatdown on Spurs, to whom Liverpool returned their prized summer signing not six months after he arrived. Such a piece of mismanagement as the Keane transfer saga could have derailed a lesser side, but Liverpool made a habit of sticking around to the end. But their refusal to die was only matched by their refusal to thrive. The Reds drew seven of ten matches from December to February, right when United were down and tired from a hopelessly clogged calendar. In the end, we'll have to look back on Rafa's odd impression of Martin Luther and the 95 Theses and wonder if that was the moment Liverpool's title drought was assured one more, dry year.
5) Inter Milan - 5.00 (8th, 8.8)
Jose Mourinho's new club were almost always in the middle third of our top ten. Oddly or not, had we done this last year, we probably could have said the same thing of Roberto Mancini's club. Inter cruised to the Scudetto, their fourth straight if you count 2006, when Juventus were scandalized and relegated. Their best chance for a special season was extinguished at Old Trafford, when they were thoroughly outclassed by a United side that might have been on their heels. They wouldn't be the last to almost beat the European champs, and in the process of failing to do so, one has to wonder if Zlatan's magic just doesn't translate to the quicker Champions League competition. Though largely out of the early rumor mill, it will be interesting to see which old favorites Mourinho can prise away from the English game. (If he wants Jermaine Jenas, I'll drive him to Milan myself. Muntari can come back to London with me...)
6) Wolfsburg - 12.91 (unranked)
Remember when that team, the Hoff, were ruling the German roost? Seems like years ago. The UF faves drifted after losing their Serbian striking sensation to injury during the winter break. But even with Ibisevic healthy, you have to doubt they had the depth to sustain their incredible first half form. With the Hoff faded and Bayern too stuck up in their own glory to let the manager get on with it and win them a title, it all came down to the German Wolves, who won their final five matches by a combined score of 21-2. In such a tight season, undoubtedly the most closely contested among the big Euro leagues, Wolfsburg finished on a big high.
7) Arsenal - 13 (5th, 4.88)
If we gave a trophy to the Seventh Placed Side in our end-of-the-year Power Poll, then Arsenal would have finished this season with their first trophy since 2005. Alas, we do not. And so the Gooners mark another year as the most influential and beautiful and unfulfilled club side in Europe. The finest performance by an Arsenal player in 2008-09 came from Theo Walcott, who at the time of his display was proudly wearing an England shirt. Even then, there is that little Arshavin fella-- who might dispute my claim from a sentence before-- and his epic display at Anfield on April 21. Now if Wenger can only shush his mangy todger and sign some men to play his byootiful game... Naaaah, he'll prob just sell Cesc to Barcelona and use the proceeds to snatch up all the Bar Mitzvah boys in Europe.
8) AZ Alkmaar - 13.09 (7th, 8.13)
Alkmaar won their first Eredivisie title in 27 years, their first trophy of any kind in 26, and for their troubles, they lost manager Louis van Gaal to title-starved Bayern. The Dutch side was a staple in this list for much of the season, largely due to their incredible six-month unbeaten run. They went from September 13, 2008 to April 18, 2009, without losing a league game. The champs only took four points from their last four matches, but the work had been done-- mighty Ajax, PSV, and Feyenoord had all taken a back seat to the club with a home capacity of just 17,150.
9) Bordeaux - 13.27 (unranked)
It took all 38 matches, but Les Girondins finally clinched the Ligue title with a 1-0 win over Caen at the weekend, along the way ending Lyon's bid for an eighth straight. So, errrr, standby for the NY Kid's impassioned celebration of the new French champions, coming soon to the comments section located just below!
10) Porto - 13.45 (10th, 13.45)
Rounding out our final edition are the Portuguese champions. They notched a domestic double and earned their sixth league title in seven seasons. Most remarkable though was their Champions League assault on Manchester United. They held on for a 1-1 draw at the Theatre of Dreams, then looked as likely as anyone to knock United off in the return fixture. In the end, it was Ronaldo's strike-- the best all year?-- that did them in. But the Dragons' aggression earned our respect. Their form from the first kick means they were the tenth best team in Europe for 2008-2009.
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Wednesday, June 3, 2009
This Should Help The Debt Payments
Manchester United will announce the largest sponsorship deal in football when they unveil a 4-year £80M deal with Chicago-based Aon Corp.
Aon engages in risk management, insurance brokerage services and consulting services worldwide (sound familiar?). But really, who the fuck cares? Outside of Carlsberg I can't think of a single shirt sponsor whose products I've consumed.
From the Guardian: "United have been scouring the globe for a new sponsorship deal since their current sponsors, AIG, the American insurance company, announced it would not be renewing its £14m-a-year deal when it expires at the end of the 2009-10 season."
So, US taxpayers are on the hook for another season, then the Glazers really get to cash in.
But here's a fun story that we hope is somehow symbolically prophetic.
The Aon Center in downtown Chicago was originally the Standard Oil Building. When it was completed in 1973 it was the world's tallest marble-clad building, with a facade of 43,000 slabs of Italian Carrara marble.
Too bad the marble used proved to be too thin. A year after the building's completion a slab detached and went through the roof of the nearby Prudential Center Annex. Eventually the entire building had to be refaced and from 1990-1992 every single marble slab was replaced with white granite at a total cost of $80M (over half the original cost of the building).
There's a little bit of fudging here as Aon didn't take over the name of the building until 1999 (and wasn't even the primary tenant for a couple of years after that).
But hey, Sir Alex is already showing an Achilles loyalty to aging players like Scholes and PFA Player of the Year Ryan Giggs, and if Ronaldo leaves, or if he dooesn't but the Portuguese split in the locker room festers... We're just saying, there might be cracks in the facade.
It's wishful thinking. But sometimes there is an ironic elegance to life.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Somebody Really Wants to Win 'World's Biggest Dick' Award
Wow, just wow.
So, a United fan in Nigeria is so upset about the Champions League loss he drives his bus into a crowd of celebrating Barcelona fans and kills four of them. Dick.
Jesus, at least upset Arsenal fans are classy enough to only take their own lives.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Your Federally Mandated Champions League Final Preview
We're having a hard time getting up for today's Champions League final. Why? Well, some of us have crippled livers that don't detox as efficiently as they used to. Some of us are sick (physically, that is) or bordering on it.
But almost to a man here, we're filled with a little dread. United seem to be the favorites, meaning they repeat as club champions of Europe and pull a quad (not a muscle).
Given our varying allegiances here—everyone but United—an overt fear of the inevitable has put a bit of a damper on today's festivities.
But fuck, this is the Champions League Final. And Barca are going to roll out Lionel Messi, Samuel Eto'o, and Thierry Henry. It's not like Fulham is going out there to line up and roll over for this supposed United juggernaut.
Oh, and did I mention that Fulham beat United the last time they played? Well I just did. Maybe as telling: in a two month stretch across December and January, United dismantled relegation candidates Sunderland, Stoke, Boro, and SF Bolton all by the impressive scoreline of 1-0. Add another 1-0 win over mediocre Wigan in that span and you've got a team that can be positively average on any given game day.
And remember if Porto could have managed to either bury just one of the two near-sitters they missed at Old Trafford or simply to score at home, then United are out in the quarters. And we're talking about an Arsenal v. Barca rematch (indulge me, okay).
Sure Barca had some slips, but they also have a front line that put in 19, 23, and 29 league goals between Henry, Messi, and Eto'o. That's three more goals than United managed as a squad. So why the hell does everyone think United are such heavy favorites?
Ninety minutes. Maybe 120. Then possibly a lottery of sorts. But it will be decided on the pitch.
After the jump Lingering Bursitis tells you why United will prevail. Then I debunk their chances with unassailable logic.
Why Manchester United Will Win
Where There is Rooney, There is Fire: As talismanic as Lionel Messi is for Barca, there is a similar figure in red for Fergie's men, and his name is Wayne Rooney. With his workrate, confidence, energy and tenacity, Barca will invariably struggle to contain the multi-faceted United attack.
Rooney is the high-octane trigger for Ronaldo and co, and if he finds himself with room to operate across the final third (I'd expect Barca to try and man-mark him), he will be difficult to stop. And if they stop him, it'll leave someone else open.
Barca's Backline: No Marquez, no Alves, and a barely-there elder stateman in Carlos Puyol. Throw in a couple more physically-adept, not-so-tactically-sound stand-ins, and you can almost see the goals piling up before a single ball has been kicked.
As cautious as Sir Alex might well choose to be in this, a major European final, it's not inconceivable to see him releasing the hounds upon that patchwork defense.
They're Manchester Fucking United: Of all the teams in all the leagues across the globe, you'd be hard-pushed to find a single one as blessed as United. Whether it's generous refereeing decisions or downright piss-poor game-calling, United are rarely on the receiving end of rough justice. Why should the CL Final be any different?
For proof, look at last year's final; their luck on the pitch was shared evenly with Chelsea, but in this most team of team games, they were lucky to have the greed of John Terry on their side. After all, with other penalty specialists in the side, it was EBJT who begged for the final shot, and slipped and scuffed his teary-eyed way into soccer history.
Why Barcelona Will Win
Massimo Busacca: That's the ref. He officiated the 2007 UEFA Cup final where he sent off Moises Hurtado on a second yellow, the first of which came in the 18th minute on something between an Al Haig (i.e. "I'm in charge here") and a Nuke Laloosh ("Announce my presence with authority").
He's going to do it again and card the first defender to make a slightly less than borderline challenge. And my money is on Vidic to be the perp of such a foul. Vidic does it weekly in England, so it's a safe bet. But Busacca isn't an EPL official (he plies his trade in the Swiss Super League), so he's less likely to let it slide because of the jersey color. An early yellow changes the dynamic of how the United backline plays. Moreover, Busacca's not afraid to flash red no matter how big the match (having done it in World Cup quarter as well).
The Forecast is for Rain: Remember that slip by Kieran Gibbs in the semi return leg that led to Arsenal's collapse and a bit of a walkover for United. Yeah, well the fates are sick fucks with the cruelest sense of humor. Expect a United player to similarly slip—please God, let it be PFA Player of the Year Ryan Giggs—and gift a deciding goal to the Catalans.
Cristiano Ronaldo is an Enormous Douchebag: If there is a God, he is aware of this fact. Eventually he has to intervene and stop this giant twat from winning more trophies. That day is today.
Monday, May 18, 2009
And the wind cries... Rafa
Well, that's that. Something about how all the jacks are in their boxes, whether the wind will ever remember the names it has blown in the past, oh, and brooms drearily sweeping the remnants of yesterday's life.
The EPL was decided in that most thrilling of fashions, a 0-0 draw that United really could/should have lost, and we must all drag our attention to August, where the excitement and optimism of new signings still makes us all thing our teams are going to win the league. This is the year, this is it, I can feel it... etc etc ad nauseam.
And in a bid to keep the journos busy over the summer, Rafa Benitez couldn't resist another jab or two. Which is weird, as I always thought it was the winners that got to do this kind of thing.
So what did he do exactly? Something very becoming of a high-schooler, or maybe even Tracey Flick. He refused to congratulate Alex Ferguson! He wouldn't give him credit! He was smug! Et cetera!Asked whether he would congratulate Ferguson in the wake of their 18th League title, Benítez, who had gone public with his grievances with the United manager in January with his infamous list of "facts", replied: "I will say congratulations to Manchester United." Not Sir Alex? "Ah, done well," said the Spaniard begrudgingly, "but I prefer to say congratulations to Manchester United; good club, big club."
(When added to his refusal to admit United are that much better, it makes for hilarious reading)
It is protocol for the manager that finishes runners-up to send a letter of congratulations to his triumphant counterpart but Benítez gave little indication he will have a pen in his hand over the next few days when he was asked if he would write to Ferguson. "I have had normally to be polite and to respect the other manager at the end of the season. He has said a lot of things that I didn't like. I say congratulations to Man United because they have won and that's it."
At least the Spaniard is consistent. I mean, does SAF really give a toss? He's sitting home with his silver polish while Senor Benitez is gorging on paella and figuring out which left-back to purchase in the summer.
Don't get me wrong here; I love Rafa, in large part because this season, despite ending trophyless again, has been the closest to something resembling progress during his tenure. Trending up, they call it, and no, I'm not delusional. Though we crashed and burned in domestic cups early, we're on course to finish second, something I don't think we've managed this century.
There's all the statistical rubbish about finishing within 10 points of the champs for the first time in ages, as well as the wonderful record against United, Arsenal and Chelsea (4 wins, 2 draws, having beaten none of 'em since the Benitez era began).
Still, we finished second, we faltered in February with that agonizing run of draws, and if ever there was a time to be contrite and quiet, it might be that first presser after those c*nts at Old Trafford hoisted the title. I give him mild credit for trying to maintain some drama in the league.
Which brings me to that nagging question: when is Jose Mourinho coming back to the EPL?
Saturday, May 16, 2009
congratulations manchester united. **update**
I hate this. It's why I wrote the title in all lower case.
But, congratulations are in order as ManU won its third consecutive Premier League title with a 0-0 draw with Arsenal at Old Trafford this morning. They did what Liverpool couldn't do, beat the teams they were supposed to beat.
Now it's time for the credo of the sports optimist. "Next year." And, hoping Ronaldo ships off to Madrid and Tevez goes elsewhere.
Anyway a few photos after the jump.
update.
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