Exhibit 87 On Why South American Soccer Is Crazy

It is fairly obvious that soccer in South America stirs the spirits of its players and fans. Almost weekly there is some video or story about a South American club brawling with the other team or with fans, but that's not going to stop us from sharing it with you.

An entire team and its substitutes was sent off, all 18, on Saturday after the club brawled with the home fans. Consequently, the next match will be contested by all youth and reserve team members.

The team was so set on brawling that it sprinted 60 yards to get to an opening in the fence to get at the fans. That's some dedication. I would have said to myself, "Why?", after about 15 yards.

Anyway, on to the video...

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Rome: Come for the Stabbings, Stay for the Football

Question: What's the difference between a stabbing and a 'stabbing'?

No, that's not rhetorical and this isn't a riddle (and yes, I know the pic has little nothing to do with the post).

According to Sky Sports an Arsenal fan was "stabbed" on the way to the Roma match yesterday. The good news is that, after receiving medical attention, the fan was able to watch the game.

But the events leading up to the stabbing are a bit bizarre as the fan was on a private coach that was attacked:

The minibus in which the fan was travelling is understood to have lost its way en route to the Stadio Olimpico for the second leg encounter. Roma fans started to attack the vehicle before one is alleged to have got on to the bus when the situation escalated.

The gratuitous quotes for "stabbing" might result from a British Embassy spokesperson who said they were uncertain whether there was indeed a stabbing or the injury was merely the result of glass from a shattered window as Roma fans threw rocks at the vehicle.

Okay, we joke. And about almost everything. In fact, if the stabbing involved Cheryl and Ashley Cole, we'd find no end of amusement in it (assuming of course it was the former who stabbed the latter). Not that domestic violence is funny, but Ashley Cole is a twat.

Fans stabbing fans, eh. That's a little less funny, particularly in light of two things. First were the recent attacks on Sri Lankan cricketers in Pakistan. In fact, Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger raised concerns about the safety of his team vis a vis such an attack. Additionally, as one pointed out by one UF'er, the Champions League final will be held in Rome this year.

This isn't the first time that Roma Ultras have taken to stabbing British opposition. In '06 three 'Boro fans we knifed before a EUFA Cup quarter. The following year ago, several ManU fans were stabbed near the Stadio Olympico.

And yesterday's incident is on the heels of (unrelated) of two Chelsea fans being stabbed in Turin before Tuesday's return leg against Juventus. Now, this is almost funny because the Spartak London supporters were stabbed in the ass.

There's no chance of the final being moved (even after yesterday's incident). Still, shouldn't fan safety be a greater immediate concern for Sepp Blatter and Michel Platini than how many foreign players are in the Arsenal squad? Especially because there's a history of it in the city where you are holding your sport's marquee non-International event?

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Let's be careful out there

Facebook is both awesome and scary. It's awesome when some girl starts chatting you up about your fandom of Manchester United and invites you over for a shag. It's scary when she turns out not to exist because you've just been put on by two Liverpool supporters. It hits this blog when they tell your wife about what you've done, and then put the picture you sent the fictitious"her" with a pink vibrator in your mouth all over the interwebs.

So, yeah, there's a lot of bedroom FAIL going on with United supporters lately. Next thing you know, we'll be reading about Sir Alex shagging sheep. Crap, no wait, that's a joke on Aberdeen. Strike that.

Speaking of Aberdeen, it's about 400 miles away from Sheffield, where Stuart Slann lives. Back on January 31st, Mr. Slann took up the invitation of one "Emma" for a meetup in Aberdeen. Emma Read is the Facebook nom de plume of one of two Liverpool supporters Stuart had met on holiday in Cancun back in November. Long story short, it did not end well.

Winding back to November, we find out that Stuart vacayed in Cancun for three weeks. During that time (at the bar, natch) Stuart got to know a couple of Scousers, who were also in the Yucatan for some winter sun. By all accounts, everything was amiable for a bit, but the Liverpool boys, who just happen to be cage fighters, eventually tired of Stuart's bragging on Manchester United. One night, they challenged him to sing some Liverpool songs. Stuart refused, and the cage fighters threw Slann into the pool, breaking his ankle. However, their revenge was not complete.

Upon return, as told by "Emma" on this Facebook page, one of the Scousers decided Stuart needed a little bit more winding up. Under the onlne guise of Emma he contacted Stuart on Facebook, and got Slann to fall in love with "her." Emma then invited Stuart up just north of Aberdeen for a romantic tryst.

Slann dutifully made the 10-hour trip and even waited while his online love had to stay late at work. Emma then asked for Stuart to send a picture of him being saucy. Stuart complied with a picture of him sucking on the pink vibrator.

After sitting for three hours without Emma showing up, Stuart finally decided to call up Emma and find out exactly what the hold up was. Imagine his surprise when he heard a couple of all too familiar voices. This video combines both the picture and that phone call.



Now Stuart's in a whole heap of a mess. His wife (oh, did I forget to mention he was married?) is leaving him, and the above video on Break is approaching 500k views. How does Stuart feel about it? Well, someone was good enough to take a screenshot of his Facebook page upon his return home. I'd say he's not happy.

Anyway, let his be your UF The More You Know moment. If you will excuse me, I have to go delete some people whom I don't really remember from high school. I suggest you do the same and apply caution in you future endeavors on that wonderful/evil site.

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In Poland, you just beat your troubles away

Don't mock the Plock

It's not easy being a football fan sometimes. When you're one of the better teams, you get the joy of winning most weeks, but even the best sides come unstuck from time-to-time, and suddenly you're the ones on the other end of a heavy defeat.

Well, in Poland, the remedy is simple: don't drink your woes away... just use your fists instead!

This past weekend, Polish First League (really their 2nd-tier division) high-fliers Flota Swinoujscie welcomed struggling Wisla Plock to town for a league fixture. As expected, Flota won the match comfortably, 4-1, and while the home crowd celebrated the beatdown, the small cadre of disgruntled Plock fans decided to vent their frustrations by hopping the fences and assaulting the Flota supporters. Makes sense, right?

Check the videos below: the first is mostly match highlights (flip to the last 35 seconds or so to see the trouble brew and unfold in full), whereas the second is the news report. All us UFers find it incredible that the visiting fans could have beat down the home fans like that!

Perhaps for Flock's next match, the fans should wear the kits and the players should take a rest in the stands. It might help them greatly.

5 goals, several punches, 27 arrested, and one hilarious story.

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Barca and Espanyol Fans In Old School Video Game

The Catalan derby this weekend between Barcelona and Espanyol was a thriller. Barca pulled off the comeback win against a 10-man Espanyol after an 85th minute equalizer from Thierry Henry and then Leo Messi converted a dubious penalty kick (weren't they all this last weekend?) in the 103rd minute. (By the way, take a look at the shot graphic on that link, Barca outshot them 33 to 5.)

Yeah, that's right, the 103rd minute. Not a typo. Which gets me to the reason for the old Tank Wars graphic up top.

Seems during the match the visiting Blaugrana fans decided to turn the match into their own personal old-school video game as they tossed flares on to the home fans. Naturally, this did not go over well and ended up in the match being stopped for 8 minutes in the second half.

After the jump, see the video of the flare toss. The first is better than the second, and the end of the video has a nice chant with the word "Puta" involved, although my Spanish is about as good as Newcastle United's football team so I could be wrong.



Needless to say, the emotions were running high after the controversial match concluded after the witching hour. My parents used to tell me, nothing good comes from actions at that time of the night. I would submit to you that they were wrong because I get to read about these sorts of things from The Guardian Blog:

Way after midnight under the hulking concrete stands of the Lluís Companys stadium Barcelona's Thierry Henry shrugged, washing his hands conveniently clean, and Leo Messi beamed. Espanyol's broken players mostly bit their tongues and walked on by silently simmering, as the coaches Pep Guardiola and Tintín Márquez tried to impose peace. But few were having it.

Samuel Eto'o returned to the scene of the crime, glorying in it. The Espanyol president Daniel Sánchez Llibre spontaneously combusted. A kerfuffle broke out and suddenly Gerard Piqué was squaring up to an Espanyol director. "I don't want to call it a robbery because they'll charge me for it," snapped Sánchez Llibre, forgetting how much he liked La Liga when Espanyol were top. "This league is completely prostituted."

Puta, indeed.

Update: The Offside has another video of the flare throwing.

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