David Beckham, What a World-Killing Wanker

This is how it is. You get to the top and they try to bring you back down. Here we have a man living the dream. Wife, kids, money, living in Beverly Hills, and all the press wants to do is shit on him. Well, I for one, am having it.

Today we learn that David Beckham is the dirtiest Englishman on the whole planet. Even when we include this guy. Inside, we'll break down some of the numbers and see just how Becks stacks up with some average Americans.

Beckham is, of course, "playing" for LA Galaxy while trying to earn his 100th cap for England. He's probably also on his way to becoming a Scientologist, but that's really not germane to the discussion (or is it?). Of course, club and country being so far apart (5500 miles) leads to a lot of Frequent Flier miles. Those miles are industry code for how much you are killing the planet, and Becks is doing a smash up job.

Someone with a lot more time than me calculates that Becks logged about 250,000 miles in the air last year, and not all of that was when Steve Sidwell took him out. That equals up to over 20 trips between his new home and his old one. It's also equal to one trip from LA to the moon, but that's just one way.

So how about some hard numbers?, you say. Okay, why not?, I answer. Beckham is theorized to have been responsible for 163 tons of Carbon Dioxide last year, just under twenty times of what the Average Englishman puts out. But he's in America now, so we have to look at how he stacks up with Americans. Let's take an average American in the news, Michael Bloomberg. The Mayor, who has advocated a greener style for his city, pumped 364 tons of the stuff in the atmosphere last year. Or, as I like to call it, 2.23 Beckhams' worth. Sure, Becks is high for an average American, as we do about 20 tons of damage per person a year, but he's low for an American in the news. Some difference could be answered by the stupid English version of a ton, but I'm not touching that.

Some discussion is also given to the Beckham's large fleet of 15 vehicles. That does seem like a lot. I know I only have two in my household, but then, I only have one kid. There must be some sort of geometric exponential that goes on when you have three kids. Unfortunately, the article make no mention of how much fuel goes into these cars, but it can't be as much as Shaq uses. Shaq spends $24K a month on gas. He must have one of those cars that goes 7 feet to the tank.

Cheer up Becks lovers. It's not all bad news. There are plenty of worse people out there, even some bad ones in Britain. That doesn't mean he's off the hook with us, though. We may not stop until he gives up his jet-setting, footballing ways forever. Even then, we'll undoubtedly be hit with links for how he's moving to some smaller club, even when he's retired. Right, fellas?

Thanks to my blogmate, E-town Hooligan, for the graphic.