Dear Wankers: Know the Rules!

Dear RVP: You almost missed it.

Alright, you all knew it was coming. The Gooners among us have crawled back out from under the blankets and are once again able to converse (if by converse you mean yell obscenities at Ronaldo). There is not much to say from our perspective regarding the traveshamockery at the Emirates last night. Manchester United dominated our injury-riddled squad (yes, I'm allowed to throw in the qualifying statement) and full credit to them for making it to Rome.

Everyone is, of course, conversing about the Darren Fletcher penalty and red card. And sickeningly, most people are saying that it was an undeserved card and some are even so deluded as to say that it was not a PK.

Off the Post has video of the incident, and labels that video "Harsh, very harsh" arguing that "Darren Fletcher gets his foot to the ball before making contact with Cesc Fabregas."

Goal.com claims that "television replays seemed to indicate that Fletcher's challenge in fact resulted in his touching the ball, making it legal."

The Independent tell us that "Fletcher's red card for what looked like a fair 75th-minute challenge on Cesc Fabregas is unlikely to be rescinded."

The Telegraph (apparently run by SAF), states unequivocally that "A glory night for Manchester United was blemished when Darren Fletcher was controversially ruled out of the Champions League final after being sent off during an emphatic semi-final victory over Arsenal."

[NOTE: All emphases are mine - I'm trying to make a point here!]

Only Graham Poll (yes, yes - he of the 3 yellow cards) got it right, noting:

"When commentators and former players say: ‘He got the ball, it can’t be a foul,’ they are wrong. Even though Fletcher got a slight touch on the ball, Rosetti felt it was impossible for the Manchester United midfielder to avoid taking his opponent in the follow-through. Therefore, he had no option but to dismiss the Scot."

How do I know that Poll is correct? Because FIFA tells me so. On that page you will find a link to a PDF version of "The Laws of the Game." Turn to page 33 of that PDF to sections entitled "Law 12 - Fouls and Misconduct", with subsections on "Direct Free Kick" and "Penalty Kick" and you will find:

"A direct free kick is awarded to the opposing team if a player commits any of the following six offences in a manner considered by the referee to be careless, reckless or using excessive force:

� kicks or attempts to kick an opponent

� trips or attempts to trip an opponent

A penalty kick is awarded if any of the above ten offences is committed by a player inside his own penalty area, irrespective of the position of the ball, provided it is in play."


Darren Fletcher: (1) tripped his opponent; and (2) was inside his own penalty area with the ball still in play. Ergo, a PK. He was also the last defender on a clear goal-scoring opportunity. The latter, when committing a foul deemed deserving of a PK, receives a RC.

Explain to me again how this isn't a PK?

So, you think it wasn't a PK?

LEARN THE RULES, YOU WANKER!

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The Good, The Bad, The WTF

In honor of FIFA's decision to kick Peru out of its membership, I thought I'd try to get a shirt from the exiled country for this week's entry. Unfortunately, Peru's National Team shirts tend to be a bit boring and too normal for me. So instead I went for a defunct club which wore a shirt style that we have seen before. But hold on, there are a couple of surprises ahead.


So, there it is. It looks awfully familiar, doesn't it? You know what the weird part is? Check this picture

It would seem that a company named Polmer decided that Umbro's design was one worth stealing. Now that is just odd business sense.

However, it is not company-shutting-down business sense. Polmer has since moved on to other teams as well, including one rather well-known in England. It seems that Polmer has since hit the jackpot by putting out Deportivo Wanka shirts. Why is that a jackpot? As someone on Wikipedia wrote,"The British slang word wanker "one who masturbates", sounds like Wanka when said with a (non-rhotic) British accent."

There is one final twist in this post. At the top I said that Deportivo Pesquero is a defunct club. That's not entirely true. The truth is they merged with another club back in 2000, allowing the second club to be promoted to the top division in Peru. That club--Deportivo Wanka.

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David Beckham, What a World-Killing Wanker

This is how it is. You get to the top and they try to bring you back down. Here we have a man living the dream. Wife, kids, money, living in Beverly Hills, and all the press wants to do is shit on him. Well, I for one, am having it.

Today we learn that David Beckham is the dirtiest Englishman on the whole planet. Even when we include this guy. Inside, we'll break down some of the numbers and see just how Becks stacks up with some average Americans.

Beckham is, of course, "playing" for LA Galaxy while trying to earn his 100th cap for England. He's probably also on his way to becoming a Scientologist, but that's really not germane to the discussion (or is it?). Of course, club and country being so far apart (5500 miles) leads to a lot of Frequent Flier miles. Those miles are industry code for how much you are killing the planet, and Becks is doing a smash up job.

Someone with a lot more time than me calculates that Becks logged about 250,000 miles in the air last year, and not all of that was when Steve Sidwell took him out. That equals up to over 20 trips between his new home and his old one. It's also equal to one trip from LA to the moon, but that's just one way.

So how about some hard numbers?, you say. Okay, why not?, I answer. Beckham is theorized to have been responsible for 163 tons of Carbon Dioxide last year, just under twenty times of what the Average Englishman puts out. But he's in America now, so we have to look at how he stacks up with Americans. Let's take an average American in the news, Michael Bloomberg. The Mayor, who has advocated a greener style for his city, pumped 364 tons of the stuff in the atmosphere last year. Or, as I like to call it, 2.23 Beckhams' worth. Sure, Becks is high for an average American, as we do about 20 tons of damage per person a year, but he's low for an American in the news. Some difference could be answered by the stupid English version of a ton, but I'm not touching that.

Some discussion is also given to the Beckham's large fleet of 15 vehicles. That does seem like a lot. I know I only have two in my household, but then, I only have one kid. There must be some sort of geometric exponential that goes on when you have three kids. Unfortunately, the article make no mention of how much fuel goes into these cars, but it can't be as much as Shaq uses. Shaq spends $24K a month on gas. He must have one of those cars that goes 7 feet to the tank.

Cheer up Becks lovers. It's not all bad news. There are plenty of worse people out there, even some bad ones in Britain. That doesn't mean he's off the hook with us, though. We may not stop until he gives up his jet-setting, footballing ways forever. Even then, we'll undoubtedly be hit with links for how he's moving to some smaller club, even when he's retired. Right, fellas?

Thanks to my blogmate, E-town Hooligan, for the graphic.

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