So the Foul Up in Baltimore is nearly upon us, and The UF email threads have been red hot with discussions of a banner. We were thinking of making one to tell the world that we exist. Being Chelsea v. Milan, we decided to scrap a generic slogan and make one relevant to the game itself, and after much debate, we just can't decide. So we want you to.
What should be on our Baltimore banner?
Showing posts with label Chelsea. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chelsea. Show all posts
Monday, July 13, 2009
We Need Your Help!
Monday, July 6, 2009
UF Quick Throw: What now Cashley?
Chelsea have signed Russian Left-back Yuri Zhirkov for 18 million quid, leading to speculation over the future of Ashley Cole. While Zirhkov can play left wing, why sign one of the worlds best left-backs to play him out of position? So what next for Cole? Maybe he will chase the money up the M1 to Manchetser City. If this happens, Wayne Bridge will get to play second fiddle to Cole yet again. Poor Wayne.
Monday, June 1, 2009
QT: Carlo Ancelotti to prowl the sidelines for Chelsea
It looks like it's a done deal, that Carlo Ancelotti will be leaving Milan and heading to Chelsea. Signing a three year deal, he leaves the Milan squad in tears. We expect Chelsea to be chasing the Champions League next year. Our Chelsea fan boy is still asleep on the left coast of the united states, and unavailable for comment.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Prawn Munchers Steal Toffee's Tickets.
Wembley, Oh she's gorgeous. A beauty. Probably the greatest Stadium in the World. But since she rose from the ground to host major events, a common problem has appeared. Prawn munchers. Corporate fans.
The FA Cup Final is a special day for football AND for the fans of the teams playing. Those supporters should all have a chance to go, or as many as possible. Alas no. Not in this day and age.
25,000. That's the amount of tickets that Everton FC has received for the FA Cup final on Saturday week. Chelsea will receive the same. Goodison Park's regular attendance is around 36,000. Chelsea's? 40,000. Wembley holds 90,000 punters. So 40,000 corporate prawn munchers will get to go to the Cup Final instead of Everton and Chelsea fans. Pathetic. This didn't happen at the old Wembley. Problem is that 'new Wembley' sold 10 year seat licences. These folks have the right to go, whoever they support. Will they? Unlikely. The tickets will end up on the black market and some poor sod will get ripped off. Just not on. There should be a scheme where they can sell back the event to Wembley for the correct price if they are not going. Id required.
Wembley: The home of football and spinach quiches.
But it's not just the 10 year lease holders who have tickets, the FA hold back thousands of tickets to schmooze corporate sponsors and foreign football association officials. Half an eye on the game while real supporters of Everton and Chelsea have to watch on the TV. "I think to go to 30,000 per club would not mean too much pain for those people (the Football Association and corporate sponsors) to swallow that reduced allocation. It would mean that all Everton season ticket holders, all Everton Lounge Members and a reasonable proportion of our regular match going fans would get a ticket."
- Everton Chief Executive Robert Elstone.
Nice one FA. Keep up the good work.
BREAKING NEWS: Chelsea pair in trouble!
UEFA is charging Didier Drogba and Jose Bosingwa for insulting that Norwegian ref in the CL semi-final 2nd Leg. In the same breath, they're initiating disciplinary action against the club for improper conduct by a number of players, as well as missile-throwing from the fans.
Drogba, Bosingwa, and Chelsea have to respond to these charges by May 29, and the case will be reviewed June 17.
[BBC Sport]
Friday, May 15, 2009
Quick Throw: Wenger's content to say adieu to Ade
May the Summer of the Stubborn Frenchman continue! He's fine with Adebayor leaving, even if it's to Chelsea. Insert something about the youth in the squad, depth, etc.
[Guardian Sport]
Thursday, May 14, 2009
REEEEEEEEMIIIIIIXXXXXXX
Why? Because they're fun. Everyone loves a good remix, and Didier is no different.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Quick Throw: How to Argue in Public to Get What You Want
Meelan president Silvio Berlusconi is not happy with manager Carlo Ancelotti, accusing him of wasting the club's season and being the sole reason why they lost the league.
Sounds like a very transparent and silly spat so Carlo gets miraculously released from Rossonieri duty in the summer in order to join Chelsea.
Still, I do appreciate the effort.
[Guardian Sport]
Thursday, May 7, 2009
LEAVE TOM HENNING ØVREBØ ALOOOOONE!
LEAVE ØVREBØ ALONE!…..Please.
You know what, Didier Drogba? I could not agree with you more. What we saw at Stamford Bridge yesterday, both during and after the game, was indeed "a f#$%cking disgrace!" The diving belle of Chelsea's attack put on an unprecedented show of postgame histrionics, and that's saying a lot considering the flopping and whining that mark just about every game in European footy these days.
I've never seen an athlete-- a professional athlete... an adult!-- carry on like that or scream obscenities INTO THE CAMERA on the field. Quite simply, it took the beloved drama we've come to expect from these European games and warped it all into some dark, stupid maudlinism. "Dream Team" would've written off Drogba's performance as too kitschy. But the rot goes deeper...
Precious Roy did a pretty comprehensive recap of the Chelsea players' commentary back at 10 am. Naturally, their anger, the frustration of once again crashing out of the CL in spectacular fashion, has triggered some less than professional, if not downright ugly responses by the players, Drogba of course being the prime culprit. Nevermind the referee missed as many calls for the Blues as he did for Barca-- who actually had a man sent off. Chelsea's loss was their own, and Drogba's rage should be directed at a mirror, not a camera.
But this isn't about Chelsea. It isn't about Barcelona. It's not about Gerry Pique's hand or Eto'o's elbow.
It is about the constant nattering that follows, and often precedes every big match. It's either Ferguson, or Benitez, or Wenger, or _______, or all of them, all at the same time, playing these [cue: euphemism] mindgames... and when the game is done and the score settled, so begins Act Two: the recriminations and posturing and blame.
And it's all centered on one man. The lowly referee. Corrupt scourge. Impotent blowhard. In this case, it's Tom Henning Øvrebø, the overmatched knucklehead who, by various estimates, failed to do his job properly between four and 424 times in 90+3 minutes yesterday in London.
Is it possible that Øvrebø and all his colleagues are just THAT BAD? Perhaps there are just not enough decent officials in all the sporting world to continue playing these games?
Or maybe, just maybe, today's players have made it impossible for guys like Øvrebø to do their jobs. Swans like Drogba and Ronaldo and Henry (in the WC Final, no less) and a million other footballers in a million different games from the Prem down to the Conference and all the way out to Turkey have made such a habit of dropping and whinging that it must be impossible for a single human being to distinguish the real infractions from the embellishment and playacting. In the end, it has a chilling effect on the ref and his willingness to blow his whistle and point to the spot.
Øvrebø should look at the ball bounce calmly into Pique's outstretched hand and make his call without a thought... a reflex move like Valdes flashing his arm to deflect Drogba's free kick. Yes, there is some nuance to the decision, but I promise you it was not the fine print of the rule book that clouded the Norwegian's gleaming dome. He was asking himself, "Did I really see what I just saw?" And whatever the answer, by the moment it was settled, too much time had passed. The play had moved on and the whistle, swallowed.
So please, leave Tom Henning Øvrebø aloooooone! He's a creation of our game. To hate him is to hate all modern football.
Read more on "LEAVE TOM HENNING ØVREBØ ALOOOOONE!"...
Quick Throw: Chelsea and Drogba speak
As you'd expect, it's rather dour, muted and contrite (and also not very convincing).
Drogba:
'I was very upset at what happened during the game, but having seen the pictures on TV I accept that I overreacted.Follow the link for Chelsea's prepared response that took 'em all day to write and revise and fine-tune and focus group and tweak and rewrite entirely and recover an old draft to work from and tweak some more and pore over and discuss and eventually release.
'I also fully accept that the language I used did not set a good example for those watching at home, especially children. I regret that in the heat of the moment I let out my incredible frustration and disappointment in this way, and for that I apologise.' And here is the rest of it."
[Chelsea FC]
Read more on "Quick Throw: Chelsea and Drogba speak"...
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
CL Open Thread: Barcelona v. Chelsea
When Luis Enrique speaks [in metaphorical terms about football and sexual ecstasy], people listen. He's promised the world a display of "Orgasmic" footy from his Barca squad (he coaches the reserves) today at The Bridge. Is it Delusions of Pleasure... or a top line to the magic the Catalans have in store today for Chelski and the world? Present party is hoping Leo and Sammy spray Cech wet with attacking grandeur, but the more reasonable sorts among us (looking... looking... they're here, I swear) have a feeling it won't cum quite so easy. Chelsea have a way of toughening up in these spots.
So here we are, just 15 minutes to kick. It's 0-0 after the first leg at the Nou Camp. A win or goal-scoring draw puts Barca through. Chelsea need to win to book their title rematch with United. And then there's always the possibility of PKs after another impotent, scoreless draw. We go flaccid at the thought.
Lineups después del salto!
First-- Michael Ballack, Nicholas Anelka, Alex, Dani Alves and Sergio Busquets are all on Darren Fletcher Alert-- one yellow and OUT for the final.
Second-- Questions! Will Thierry Henry man up and play? (Answer: NON) Who will play center back for injury and suspension-ridden Barcelona? Rafa Marquez is out with that knee injury (is it no longer even a chuckle-worthy irony that the most dangerous place on the pitch for a footballer is that spot five yards clear of other players and the ball?) and Captain Carles Puyol misses out after collecting one too many yella cards. It'll probably be Gerry Pique and Eric Abidal/Yaya Toure. (Answer: TOURE) That's my wild guess at 1.45 pm et. By the time you see this there will be an actual lineup right below...
right here...
So it goes:
For Chelsea--
Subs: Hilario, Ivanovic, Mikel, Kalou, Belletti, Mancienne, Di Santo
For visiting Barcelona--
Subs: Pinto, Caceres, Gudjohnsen, Bojan Krkic, Sylvinho, Alex Hleb, Pedro
Already y'all, we are off in a just a few minutes. Let's hope for a nut-busting second leg. (You promised, Luis!)
Read more on "CL Open Thread: Barcelona v. Chelsea"...
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
How to re-anger a fanbase
DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SCREEN. THIS IS A TEST. THIS IS ONLY A TEST.Displaying the kind of wisdom one would expect, England's Boring John Terry and Frank Lampard have agreed in principle to play in a testimonial match this summer. Oh, and they'll be playing this testimonial for a West Ham XI at Upton Park.
Common sense never was part of the footballer's skill set, was it?
The testimonial is for Hammers Academy Director Tony Carr, the man who nurtured both EBJT and Franky during their
And now, presuming that the deep-lying scars of their traitorous London switch are fully healed, they'll both pitch up for the charity game.
Of course, for those of us with memories, just this past weekend the Blues endured a volley of abuse at Upton Park, so much so that Terry piped up to defend Lamps from the torment to which they were both subjected. And these remarks were just 2 days ago!
Don't get me wrong, it's a lovely gesture from the pair to acknowledge the importance of Carr in their footballing development, but it's also incredibly naive to think that playing 90 minutes at 1/2 pace in the Hammers kit will quell all the bad blood and backstabbing they've doled out to West Ham over the years from across London.
We'll now wait and see whether they follow-through with it, or whether they'll snap the hearts of Hammers fans and management for the 1,957,607th time this century.
Read more on "How to re-anger a fanbase"...
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Champions League Open Thread
We apologize for the lack of content today. I have a feeling it's down to anticipation of what's to come and lamentation of what was lost over the last couple of days. In hopes of atonement, I give you this.
This may or may not be Autoglass as a child.Of course it's not, but he is the resident UFer who has a crying interest in the outcome of this two-legged tie. In the spirit of how we all cared about Norwich yesterday, I ask that you support him and carry Spartak to the CL Final. So we can all laugh at Michael Ballack when he finishes runner-up again.
Lineups after the jump.
Barcelona: Valdes, Alves, Pique, Marquez, Abidal, Toure, Xavi, Iniesta, Messi, Henry, Eto'o
Subs: Jorquera, Puyol, Gudjohnsen, Bojan, Keita, Silvinho, Hleb
Spartak: Cech, Ivanovic, Terry, Alex, Bosingwa; Lampard, Mikel, Ballack, Essien, Malouda; Drogba
Subs: Hilario, Di Santo, Kalou, Belletti, Anelka, Mancienne, Stoch
Read more on "Champions League Open Thread"...
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
CL Quarterfinals Preview: Liverpool v. Chelsea
Yossi and the Crying Baby, by Bigus Dickus. Mixed Media, 2009.For the fifth year running, Liverpool and Chelshea clash in the Champions League. Their meetings are becoming so commonplace that the fixture computer should just keep it going every year so as not to confuse anyone.
LFC had the run of the Blues for a while, but last year, the tide turned thanks to a first-leg gaffe at Anfield by that ginger nut John Arne Riise. This season, the first leg is at Anfield again, which prompts the question: who's winning this f*cking thing anyway?
With both teams in scintillating form, it's a tough one to call. Liverpool are blazing at the moment, playing with an attacking force and confidence that I haven't seen from 'em since the late 90s when the Fowler/Owen/McManaman show cast a spell over the Kop. Goals from all positions, sparked by the telepathy of Gerrard and Torres, and a thankful end to the miserable, cagey 1-0 squeakers that have defined the Rafa Benitez era.
Meanwhile, the Blues are finding their legs again too after seeing home form slump over Christmas. The prolonged absense of Joe Cole continues to be a problem, but there's enough dynamism in the midfield to give Drogba and Anelka all the chances they need.
I'm not looking forward to it, personally, but I am just too dazzled by my Reds to imagine any result other than a home win. Whatever the lads are siphoning into their Lucozade, it's clearly working. Maybe we'll get some of that Yiddish power from a still-not-100% Yossi Benayoun, but with him or not, I still fancy a 2-1 at home to keep things ticking along nicely.
The EPL is another story entirely. I pray for attacking football from both sides, and none of this shaky, tactical rubbish that normally plagues these fixtures.
We're about due for some more Terry tears.
Early Team News:
Mascherano misses the 1st leg through suspension, but everyone else besides Benayoun seems to be fighting fit.
Chelsea are without Bosingwa with hamstring-knack.
Read more on "CL Quarterfinals Preview: Liverpool v. Chelsea"...
Thursday, March 26, 2009
What Has Gotten Into Chelsea?
Sometimes, okay all the time, I'm surfing around looking for interesting stories, pictures, etc. It's what I do and usually I find T&A type stuff. This time, however, I was surfing the Premier League website and stumbled across some interesting statistics involving Autoglass' favorite ref-circling club.
Last year Fulham almost qualified for a Euro slot, although it barely escaped relegation, through the Fairplay allocation. Manchester City ended up snatching the Fairplay slot, barely. Fulham leads this year's Fairplay (PDF warning) index currently with Liverpool and Arsenal tied for second, which isn't surprising since the clubs finished second and fourth last season.
But, look at the club hot on Liverpool and Arsenal's heels this season...
It's Chelsea. Improving 10 places from last season. The team that was the epitome of unfair play last season, constantly ringing the refs in an attempt to influence. The club had a complete lack of respect for the match officials and always good for a few hard fouls each match.
Well, good on Chelsea for improving this aspect of the club. I hope they keep it up.
I imagine Manchester United's seventh place ranking will be falling following the two red card performance against Fulham.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
UF POWER POLL - March 3, 2009
After a 21-moon hiatus, the UF Power Poll returns today with some big changes and one glaring, red-faced constant. The worst we can say about Manchester United? They have conceded A GOAL (but not with van der Saar playing) and they did fail to do off with Spurs in 120 minutes (they waited to KICK ARSE in the shoot-out.) If they've suffered at all, it's by NOT notching that "precious away goal" at the San Siro. But we all knew this would be a tricky fixture. In theory, Jose and Co. have a decent chance at this. In theory. In practice, as much as soooome of us (self-included) can't stand it, Man U will probably win 2-0 at Old Trafford.
And what of Barca? Pep had sailed a near perfect course until the middle of February, but can he right the ship now? It's easy to dominate in the fall and winter, less so to recover as spring arrives. And then, before we get down to it, there's a certain well-known club from central Spain. They are called Real Madrid and they are led by one of the foremost managers in world football: Juande F#$%ckin' Ramos.
Dios Mio.
Here's the list-- with your Facebook votes lumped in!
1) Manchester United - 1.2 (last poll: 2nd place, 1.67 avg)
The Carling Cup winners tighten their death-grip on the top spot mostly thanks to Barca's freefall. It really wasn't a great two weeks by SAF's outsize standards. Like we mentioned, they should be expected to come through home to Inter, but would you be shocked if Mourinho snuck in there and managed a 1-1 (thus, sending the Mancs out on away goals)?? If Zlatan wants to stick it to his legion of English detractors, I believe this may be the time.
2) Real Madrid - 2.8 (4th, 4.00)
Probably the form club in European league play right now... maybe the best team on the continent if not for that Liverpool disaster. (It was an unlucky draw for Real, as Liverpool is probably the best team in Spain. Lingering should start a petition to move Los Rojos to La Liga. Surely they'd win a title there before the Premier League.) Still, the winning streak in the league is impressive, as is the way they're doing it. Ramos plays a style that might not win Europe, but is sure to make him a favorite at the Bernabeu. How man 6-0s did Don Capello manage during his title run?
3) Inter Milan - 2.9 (3rd, 3.67)
Draws with Torino and Roma in Italy have got to be frustrating, but would anyone like to bet on Juventus to overtake them? Think not. Another (real) Scudetto is in the offing and now it's all about the Champions League. Denying Man U that road goal was huuuuuge, obviously, and one can only imagine what Mourinho is cooking up for the trip north. His office is probably looking like the scene from A Beautiful Mind with Russel Crowe going apesh*t with the maps and magazine covers. Here's my hint, don't let Ronaldo alone with your left back.
4) Barcelona - 3.4 (1st, 1.33)
We're a fickle group over here-- the Facebook crew was more steady, placing these guys Second-- dropping the two-time leaders all the way down to the fourth slot. As we mentioned in the intro, Barcelona are in their first bad streak since Pep took over, so it remains to be seen if the mister can deal with a spot of failure. If they escape this Lyon mess, we'll still be rooting for that Barca - Man U final.
5) Juventus - 7.1 (unranked)
Juventus head up our Best of the Rest list. The latest challenger to Inter's reign of dominance in Serie A, they've had some...uhh... good luck (sound familiar?), but have also been fairly consistent in not losing. Though they did just that against Chelsea last week...
Wait, what are these guys doing so high up? I think we've been compromised. Someone here's on the take.
6) Hertha Berlin - 7.2 (unranked)
Oh, those wild and wacky Germans. Once again, this is the most competitive of the "big leagues" in Europe. Hertha are the newest leaders, overtaking UF men-crush Hoffenheim, Bayern Munich, Hamburg, etc... Led on the scoring sheet by Anfield Legend Andriy Voronin (7), with another win Hertha will exceed their point total from any of the past three seasons. Again, their inclusion is indicative of how sheisty the situation is after the Big Four.
7) Chelsea - 7.4 (unranked)
Sprechen die "Big Four," have Chelsea double-Dutched themselves back into League and European contention? Their season has gone from a Dutch Oven to a Bong and Blintz, Scmoke and a Pancake, in just a few weeks. Whether it's Guus, The New Manager Effect, or Drogba (the latter being the true path back to old glories), Chelsea have been solid of late, in that same unimpressive but dependable way to which we'd all grown so painfully accustomed. The real drama at Stamford Bridge has to be over Hiddink's future. Some rumblings about that he'd stay and offer up the Russkies to buddy Dick Advocaat. In the end, it's all up to Roman, of course. He may be out a bit of money, but the trigger-men are still on salary, so what the Boss says still goes.
8) Olympique Lyonnais - 8.0 (unranked)
How happy are Lyon supporters to know that Fred is finally out of town? (If you're there, Lyon fans, pray tell.) He was a significant part of their incredible run, but really, it's enough. Back to the football-- they were shockingly good against an admittedly struggling Barca side. Still, Barca is Barca and with Benzema in the attack, anything is possible. Including a long sought-after trip to the CL quarterfinals.
Yea, and they're going win in France, again-again-again-again-again-again-again. (The only way they don't is by knocking off Barcelona and losing focus on the league. Something I doubt would upset our Lyon fan. Où êtes-vous?)
9) AZ Alkmaar - 8.1 (unranked)
These dutch bastards just. will. not. lose. After dropping the first two, AZ have gone unbeaten for the better part of six months. And they're doing it with clean sheets and a bit of style. We also thank them for dispatching of any "Look, Steve McCLaren is about to lead Twente to the Dutch title" stories. That would've been bad for everyone... English fans and the people who care about them... the proud history of Dutch Football (David Winner would've crawled into a kiln)... so on...
10) Liverpool - 11.7 (5th, 5.78)
Not much to say here that hasn't already been said. Back to their old tricks. Had a little flirt with the Premier League, then remembered they are not, in fact, an English football team. Hey, I'd love for Spurs to have their problems... but not that manager. Rafa has a fantastic record, no debate, but they will never win the Premier League with him. See: article from yesterday's Guardianas proof.
Per Autoglass: stammering in mock shock-- "This is remarkable. Umm, an injured striker? Who could plan for such a scenario? Why, one might have to keep an extra proven striker around just in case..."
Dropped - Aston Villa, TSG Hoffenheim, Bayern Munich, AC Milan, AS Roma
In the mix - FC Porto, PSG, Celtic
Not in the mix- Arsenal (no votes)
Read more on "UF POWER POLL - March 3, 2009"...
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Champions League Preview: Chelsea v. Juventus
Chelsea supporters will show Claudio “The Tinkerman” Ranieri the utmost in respect today when Juventus visit Stamford Bridge for the first leg of an intriguing Champions League Round of 16 tilt.
I remember well my mixed feelings when he was sacked.
Most forget that Ranieri spent four years leading the Blues. Before Roman Abramovich bought the club, Claudio had taken Chelsea, always 6th it seemed, always losing the big matches to Arsenal and United, into Champions League contention.
It’s been said that the Russian chose Chelsea because of the Champions League spot that Ranieri secured the year before on the final weekend.
More on The Tinkerman and today’s match after the break.
For those who don't know, Ranieri bought Frank Lampard from West Ham.
Think about it for a second. He didn’t use Russian billions, yet secured perhaps the best English midfielder of his generation for a relative bargain of 11M quid.
Similarly, he brought in William Gallas. With Abramovich’s riches, he smartly signed Joe Cole, Claude Makelele, Peter Cech, Arjen Robben and Wayne Bridge. The man also made John Terry captain and as a result, perhaps, of England.
To put it another way, the Chelsea Revolution began under Claudio Ranieri.
Think of his work in the context of Manchester City’s bumblings. Bigus can blow me - Chelsea did it right and Claudio was the key. The Tinkerman made it to the Semis of this competition in 2004 before being sacked by Abramovich, and the sacking was proper.
Big clubs had fallen away, the trophy was there to be taken, and Ranieri bungled and lost to Monaco (yes, Monaco!) in that Semi. He proved that he couldn’t take Chelsea to the next level in a bizarre tactical display that is redolent of the work of a certain current Spanish gaffer up on Merseyside.
Mourinho and trophies galore soon followed. We won the Premiership twice! Chelsea won the Premiership twice, but I’ll never forget those heady days when the Gentleman Italian showed the world how to spend wisely and manage a dressing room made crazy by money and absurd talent.
Remember that in that magic year of 2004, Ranieri finished just second to that perfect Arsenal side. No shame in that. (By the by... I fucking hate Arsenal.)
Today, Ranieri brings Juventus (the man has landed well) into Stamford Bridge for a fixture with drama only reduced in the shadow of yesterday’s Mourinho-Ferguson tilt.
Chelsea enter today’s match having found some nice form under new manager Guus Hiddink. After conceding to Watford, they exploded for three goals to run away with it. This past weekend’s 1-nil scoreline at Villa Park understates the dominance that they displayed.
Meanwhile, Juventus sit second in Serie A, 9 points off of Mourinho’s Inter and 2 clear of Meelan, but they haven’t shown their best of late. The side that beat Real Madrid twice in the Champions League Group Stage has drawn twice and lost twice in eight Serie A matches in the New Year. They haven’t been held scoreless, but they’ve yet to score three.
Two clubs in mediocre form at best, but Chelsea have had a bit of a bump just recently, and I remember The Tinkerman’s tactics in that fateful Spring.
It still hurts...
Prediction:
I feel a big effort coming from my Blues. Many of these players still taste the bitterness of last Spring’s defeat in Moscow on penalties. I’ll boldly call it Chelsea 2, Juventus 0. Juventus take the Turin leg 2-1, but Chelsea still advance. Make it so, Guus...
Monday, January 26, 2009
Oh dear, poor John Mikel Obi Mikel John John Obi Mikel
Mikel laughs at the crumpled wreckage once known as Phil NevilleTrying frantically to deputize for the injured Michael Essien is enough to drive anyone to drink, and the gargantuan task finally drove poor Mikel John Obi over the limit. Well, he drove his car over the legal limit, and the police did the rest.
From the Guardian:
The 21-year-old Nigerian was stopped by police at 5.30am on Saturday after being seen driving his Range Rover "erratically" near the club's ground in London's Fulham Road. Hours later his team beat Ipswich 3-1 at Stamford Bridge, although Mikel was not part of the match-day squad.It's not as awful as the infamous Stevie G/iPod punch-up, but even so. With erratic driving like this, it's no wonder he can't handle the midfield at Stamford Bridge.
Mikel, who lives in Weybridge, Surrey, and reportedly earns £40,000 a week, has since been charged with driving while over the drink-drive limit and will appear in court in April. He faces a year's driving ban or a jail term if the offence is deemed exceptionally serious.
Read more on "Oh dear, poor John Mikel Obi Mikel John John Obi Mikel"...
Saturday, January 24, 2009
An Open Letter For An Open Thread
Dear English Premier League,
Hi, how are you? Just want to start out by saying, nice job. Not that I'm certain it has anything to do with something you've done, but the league this year has been awesome, especially in the bottom half of the table.
It's late January and there are only five points separating 10 teams from the drop. The bottom of the table is almost better than the top right now. I'm a total advocate for relegation in American sports just for that reason, but this isn't about our leagues as much as it is about yours.
See, we play football too. Only we use this oblong thing and we throw it around, and there's really not much "foot" involved in it at all. It's kind of a stupid name. But it's huge over here. It dominates the sports landscape in ways which defy explanation.
I mean they televise the fucking draft. And people watch it.
Our professional football (the National Football League) is having its championship next week. You've probably heard of it, it's called the Super Bowl. We like to pretend that the whole world watches it, but I can't fathom many people in, say, Ouagoudougou getting up in the middle of the night to take in a game that they don't even really understand.
Anyway, the way the whole NFL thing works is a bit like the World Cup. There's a kind of group stage—only this one last 17 weeks—followed by a knock out round. Now between the semi-finals and the final, the Super Bowl, they take 14 days off. Yes, there is actually a full off week to help build the hype or some shit like that. Or maybe give people a chance to reconnect with their families after 20 weeks of neglect. I don't know.
But that off week is this week. That means there's not a single fucking thing happening in American professional sports this week. Nothing.
Okay, maybe some college basketball, but seeing how 64 teams will get a shot to compete for that championship, this weekend's games are not really of consequence. It's not like a home loss at this point can cost you a title the way that a home loss and three dropped points to, oh, Stupid Fucking Bolton would.
To the point though, there are hundreds of thousands of men who have a pretty ingrained routine—put on a shirt with another grown man's name on the back of it, go to the bar a little before noon, start drinking and yell at television sets showing large men playing a game—who suddenly have this interrupted for one week. A little lifestyle hiccup if you will.
So, my suggestion (by way of a question) is: Why the fuck aren't you exploiting this hiccup?
This shouldn't be an FA Cup weekend. It's a great competition and all, but there should be Premier League fixtures today and Sunday. And among them should be matches between the Big 4—Manchester United, Chelsea, Arsenal, and Liverpool. Either do one a day, or even better, a double header on Sunday. That's the day that's already sacred to NFL fans.
Match those four teams up against one another (although might I suggest avoiding Liverpool v. Chelsea as those affairs have been a bit dull as of late) and promoting the hell out of it in the US. "While you're waiting for you're football, watch the world's football" or some shit like that. Push the kicks to late afternoon or early evening over there so that the starts coincide with what would be an NFL game kick over here. Sponsor watching parties at bars. Give away shit to get people out. I don't care what you actually do to market it, just do something.
The opportunity is there—again: there is nothing going on in sports this weekend, but there are millions of sports fans with 20-something weeks of conditioning to go watch sports—you should take advantage of it.
America is a huge market. If not in terms of size—certainly there are 3 times as many people on the sub-continent—at least in terms of dollars. And it is warming to soccer. The last World Cup, European Championship, and Champions League Final all exceeded ratings expectations over here.
Americans will gladly watch something when it's played at the highest level. And what's going on in Barcelona not withstanding, the English Premier League (suck it, Barlcays) is the highest level of league soccer in the world. Shit, even Wigan is pretty good this season.
So to recap: this is the bye week between the conference finals and the Super Bowl in the NFL. There is a lull in the America sports calendar that is just waiting to be filled, you, the EPL should fill it with your best—Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, and Manchester United; Fabregas, Essien, Torres, Ronaldo.
There's my suggestion. It's yours to do with what you will. But you'd be stupid not to take it.
Hugs and kisses,
Precious Roy
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
UF Quick Throw: No Didier at Southend tonight
The Chelsea fun continues as Drogba gets omitted from the squad, although this smells like one of those media efforts to drum up controversy and intrigue where there isn't any. You know how they do that, right? Was he really going to risk his precious Ivorian body in the chill of a lower-league stadium?
That said, when your manager keeps being so gung-ho about the notion of losing his job, the media doesn't really need the help.
[Guardian Sport]
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