Beckham Speaks Again!

In just two brief days, I reckon Beckham's undone all that dubious goodwill work with kids and Zinedine Zidane that we kept getting emails about (more on that soon...). Yesterday was that EPL comment about how he'd play anywhere, just give him a ring someone and he'll do it, etc.

Then, he and Grant Wahl had a little donnybrook during a far-from-routine presser ahead of his season debut at the Red Bulls, which I'll totally be liveblogging by the way (beginning at 7.45pm. Bring the dip, I got the chips!).

Well, today saw him hide behind the England manager as justification for his continual want-away-ness. I mean, it's not his fault he needs to play anywhere but in Los Angeles.

It was Fabio! Fabio told him to!

Cue the "well if Fabio told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?" jokes, but seriously, let's look at what he said and then make fun of him.

Leading up to the World Cup, the England manager has made it very clear to me that I need to be playing at a European level." (regarding playing for England) I will do everything possible. I'll always regret it if I didn't do everything to give myself a chance to be involved in that. At the moment, my priority is the rest of the season and also playing and keeping in every squad for England and representing my country. Going forward, of course I want to be involved in the World Cup. I've not hidden that fact."

That's of course assuming that you're going to be included in the World Cup squad. I mean, you're not getting any younger and you're becoming a little one-dimensional on the right wing, having been supplanted by the likes of Walcott and Lennon as a more agile, spritely option.

Would it kill you to just keep your mouth shut and enjoy the LA Galaxy for even five minutes? Tomorrow, I await the presser where he claims God came to him in a dream and implored him to move to Barcelona immediately.

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Quick Throw: Mourinho continues to burn Serie A bridges

The Special One should now be known as The Consistent One, because nary a Serie A weekend passes without some good old-fashioned slander.

This time, Jose voiced his belief that while he picks the Inter XI every week, his rivals let the stronger-willed club presidents deal with team sheets. And to the shock and dismay of no-one, his coaching rivals are fighting back.

At what point with the overtime costs incurred by Inter's PR department become greater than the severance package they'd need to give Mourinho? Surely not much longer until that happens....

[Guardian Sport]

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Quick Throw: Beckham's apology mission begins

Not that he's trying to lay down some goodwill ahead of his sure-to-be-awkward return to MLS, but Beckham has put word out there that he'll look to buy an MLS club when he retires from playing.

This presumes two things:
1. He'll retire, such is his thirst for publicity and more unearned England caps
2. MLS will still be around when he hangs it up

Yep, this is a wonderful PR move. Everyone loves him again!

[BBC Sport]

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Saturday Open Thread: This is Fergie's world

It's all smiles at Old Trafford. Bastards.

To the surprise of no-one: I'm sick of United.

It's been like this for as long as I can remember, but after the recent failures of my team, coupled with Man U's seeming invincibility, the loathing has intensified. I didn't think such a thing was possible. There's 25+ years of hate there already!

I must stand back and express amazement that as of today, United could still win a quintuple, a remarkable feat, but thankfully, even the ringmaster himself doesn't think it's possible.

"It would be very difficult to do that. You would need the luck and you would need to keep all your players fit. If we keep everyone fit then, yes, we'd have a chance. When you're in a competition, you've got to try to win it and, as long as you're still in that competition, you've got a chance. What we have done well recently is that we've had a lot of injuries but the squad has compensated and whatever team I have picked the players have just got on with it. But, realistically, I don't see it."

Well that's a relief. He's sold what's left of his soul just to get this far, but just the fact that such a thing is even remotely possible just angers us all further, not to mention Fergie picking up his 22nd Manager of the Month trophy.

They tussle with West Ham tomorrow, and I'll be praying that Mr. Carlton Cole, aka Can't Control, can dent their juggernaut. Oh, and there's a North London derby or something. I believe preparations are being made for a liveblog there, courtesy of our resident heroin-loving Spurs fan (he's not addicted, but it does take the edge off the fact that Spurs have spent untold millions basically reassembling the squad that failed miserably under both Ramos and the final days of Martin Jol).

But enough about tomorrows! Today, it's all about watching Liverpool, Spartak and Villa struggle, and if you're up early enough (I wrote this ahead of time under the assumption I'd still be dead to the world at 7am), you might get to enjoy Citeh sabotaging themselves again. Robinho alone doth not a Champions League berth make, apparently.

Fixtures and dreadful predictions after the jump. Pray for Rafa's mental health, won't you?

7.45am kick-off
Manchester Citeh v. Middlesbrough
They can't mess this one up, can they? Citeh 2-1.

10am kick-offs:
Blackburn v. Aston Villa
The own goal has been kind to Martin O'Neill over the last month. Not today! 1-1.

Spartak London v. Hull City
Spartak are about as dull as The English Patient at the moment. I'd expect them to right things, although it won't be easy. Spartak 1-0.

Everton v. Stupid F*cking Bolton
The Toffee bastards must be exhausted from 120 minutes on Wednesday, not to mention they have no squad depth whatsoever. 0-0.

Sunderland v. Stoke
You cannot stop Kenwyne Jones, you can only hope to contain. Sunderland 2-0.

West Brom v. Newcastle
homewinhomewinhomewinhomewin. West Brom 2-1.

Wigan v. Fulham
Steve Bruce does a lot with a little. Fulham do little with a lot. Wigan 3-1.

12.30pm kick-off:
Portsmouth v. Liverpool
Oh god, please not another draw. My sanity cannot handle it. Fratton Park is kind to teams in crisis. Liverpool 1-0.

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UF Quick Throw: Benitez crazy pills consumed at Emirates

Ain't nothing gonna break Abou Diaby's stride, ain't nothing gonna slooow him dooown, oh no, he's got to keep on moving. At least in his assertion that Arsenal can still win the league.

I guess Rafa's drug dealer travels to London from time to time?

[Guardian Sport]

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UF Quick Throw: No Didier at Southend tonight

The Chelsea fun continues as Drogba gets omitted from the squad, although this smells like one of those media efforts to drum up controversy and intrigue where there isn't any. You know how they do that, right? Was he really going to risk his precious Ivorian body in the chill of a lower-league stadium?

That said, when your manager keeps being so gung-ho about the notion of losing his job, the media doesn't really need the help.

[Guardian Sport]

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UF Quick Throw: Fernando begins his own mind games

Mr. Torres has decided to weigh in amid the Rafa v. Fergie fight, calling Manchester United the favourites for the EPL title. It's January 12, and LFC have taken the "underdog" moniker. Will this even be a fight by the time the two sides meet on March 14?

[BBC Sport]

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UF Quick Throw: Let the mindgames begin!

Normally Fergie is first to open his mouth (normally only long enough to take breaths in-between swigging from the whisky bottle), but Rafa's trying his hand at this psycho-babble, and early too! (Though if Jose were still in the league, he'd have started back in September).

So Rafa thinks his side need a miracle to win the EPL. Brutal, shocking honesty? Headgames with his rivals? Attempts to temper expectations ahead of the xmas break? You decide.

[Guardian UK]

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Lesson Learned: Don't anger Wayne Rooney

There are several unwavering lessons in soccer: never bet against the Germans, if you're going to tackle from behind, make sure it counts, and the latest one: don't mess with Wayne Rooney. If the irascible, potato-headed striker gets frustrated or flustered, well, let's just say the results aren't pretty.

Yesterday's unlucky recipient of this logic was Aab Aalborg midfielder Kasper Risgaard, who received his wisdom via flying feet and cleat marks somewhere in the chest region.

To the tape! And, to the post-match quotes!




First, the video evidence. I am not a physicist by any means, but there's more than just gravity at work there. Perhaps a soupcon of malice? Wayne was surely irritated at his side's scrappy performance against the eliminated Danish side, not to mention the lack of success in front of goal at Old Trafford. The video shows a couple of other incidents, including a baffling kick on a defender with the ball nowhere near, and some shoving with a defender once the ball has gone. I'm not saying he should be sent off, but there's some middle ground there! The ref didn't do a thing!

Unsurprisingly, everyone's weighing in, including coaches and players.

We get the victim's response first. What say you, young Risgaard?

"I don’t know what he was thinking but he jumped on my chest. I don’t know why but I think he was a little bit frustrated. But I don’t understand it because they were playing good football and the score was 1-1 at the time. Anywhere else but here and it would have been a red card. But the referee didn’t say anything. I think referees are frightened to punish players at Old Trafford, and especially players like Rooney. But I can see the marks on my chest - big marks. He’s apologized, so that’s OK. But there was another incident too when he used his arm to hurt one of our players. I don’t think it looks good on television."

Fair point about Old Trafford, and there is definitely something about Rooney and his temper that we've seen before that makes me wonder. He's a fiery player (in the best and worst sense of the word), but it looks like he did get lucky with this one.

Aalborg manager Allan Kuhn was also non-committal as to intent, although upon further review (something that UEFA said they might do as both linesmen and the referee missed the incident) he might change his mind:

It is not good for a fantastic footballer. You have to keep your head and stay calm in situations like that - but that man was a little bit frustrated. I was not sure during the game and I have not seen the pictures, so I cannot be 100% sure, but some of my people have seen it and said it was."

Of course Fergie looked at it the other way: AaB were the dirty ones, not Wayne! "Aalborg are not short of tackles are they? They got stuck in and the one on Carlos was a blatant attack. Probably what saved him was that Carlos got straight up."

You have to admire the man's ability to deflect and change the subject completely. What we should be talking about is the goalkeeper's tackle on Tevez, not young Wayne!

Will anything come of this? Probably not - the news cycle is fickle and fast-paced like that. But it still merits some debate, mainly because Rooney is that type of character, capable of moments of brilliance and moments of madness at any given time. We've seen it in an Everton shirt, in the England shirt, and plenty of times in Manc red.

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U R Out. LAWL

At least that Walsall lad got his news face-to-face, unlike poor Bnei Sakhnin coach Freddy David, who was informed on Saturday of his dismissal via text message. Naturally, he took the news well, ripping into management over the weekend as he starts to look for a new job.

Step 1? Hold an angry press conference.


David took the low-level team to a dizzying fourth place finish in the Israeli Premier League last season, his achievements right up there with the likes of Martin Jol or Steve Coppell with Reading in 2006/07. Sadly, this season began rather Ramos-esque for Bnei, with his side languishing at the bottom with just 5 points from 9 games.

Ergo, the sack. And as I mentioned, it was via text. I realize that the act of dumping someone is now acceptable via text (can't say I've done it or had it happen to me), but firing someone? That must be tough to express in just 140 characters. Or maybe not.

So David took the chance to slam the club on his way out the door, surely enhancing his upside for any other club willing to take him on:

"It's hard to argue with results, and our results weren't great, but you couldn't do more at Sakhnin than I did. Mazen Ghanaim asked me to bring Sakhnin to tenth place. He knows that after last year's fourth place finish, it's impossible with the conditions there, with the budget and management, to do more than just hold on to the Premier League spot."

Yep, I'm sure it's everything but you that's at fault here.

Still, the method of dismissal sucks. Here's hoping at his next job, they at least use a picture message should he fail to impress.

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Argentine defender giving it too much lip

Look at them smackers!

Conjecture or not, stories alleging plastic surgery and cosmetic enhancement for footballers are always welcome around here. I must admit I was surprised that the recipient of such treatments was not Cristiano Ronaldo. He must get those synthetic looks naturally, then.

No, this concerns a defender of the Argentine persuasion, Bayern Munich marauder Martin Demichelis, and his fondness for Botox.


According to the Daily Mail, bastion of all that is factual and un-sensationalized in the world, a leading South American cosmetic surgeon has outed Demichelis as a frequent benefactor of the lip-numbing treatment normally used by ladies to acquire the DSLs (although they don't know it yet).

Cristian Perez Latorre, the surgeon in question, was concise: "Demichelis is a footballer I have worked on. He injects Botox into his lips before games. He wants to look good."

Simple enough, although Demichelis was quick to scoff at the rumours: "It's laughable. I don't have an earring, any piercings or tattoos. And yet I am supposed to be using Botox?"

I'm sure it's a simple mix-up. The German newspaper Bild that initially broke the story believes that it could be slanderous revenge for comments Demichelis' girlfriend made about Latorre and his sub-standard surgery performed on a mutual friend, so there's your conspiracy theory right there.

Either way, true or false, the notion is hilarious. A footballer with puffed-up lips? John Terry might benefit from such a service before his next attempt to kiss up to the referee.

John Terry, are you interested?

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Thoughts on Maradona

Alright, so we're all a little excited and frightened about the news that Diego Maradona might well become the next manager of Argentina. How on earth did this happen? It's a perplexing announcement, to say the least. We kicked it around this morning, and after the jump, a few thoughts from everyone on surely the best managerial rumour in years.

Bigus Dickus:
The appointment of Maradona is a disgrace. The man is a cheat. He believes cheating is part of the game and that it should be encouraged under the name of "cheekiness". He should have been banned after the 'hand of god' incident in 1986, as he robbed 52 million people in that game and instead he was celebrated. Says a lot for the people of Argentina. That incident ruined my entire summer that year and forced parents to explain to children that cheating brought victory.

He brings the game into disrepute. He will surely be a bad example to young Argentines like Gago and Messi. Watch them become cheat's also. The AFA should be ashamed of themselves. Maradona ruined his amazing skills by robbing opponents and he still believes that cheating is right. He is bad for the world game and quite honestly it's a shame he is still with us.

This quote sums it up: "It was my hand (but) no, I don't think it was cheating. Cunning, cheekiness, craftiness, but not cheating." - Maradona.
-----

The Likely Lad:
Everyone thought Klinsmann was going to be a disaster, and while I'm not going to compare the two temperamentally, I think you could see a similar hosing of the expectations. Yes, he's going to do some weird shit. Yes, his press conferences are going to be clown shows. And without a doubt, he will completely alienate one or two important players. But guess what, I think he'll bring out the best in some guys you didn't think had much to give. As for Messi, unless Maradona kicks him in training-- and that's not impossible-- he'll be fine.

Final Verdict from the Lad:
Safe Choice? No. Potential for entertainment on and off the field? Staggering.
-----

Autoglass:
I refuse to believe this Maradona business. It must be April 1st somewhere. It's nonsense. It's crazy. Argentina is a proud footballing nation. Always one of the top five teams in the world. They play with power and beauty. They have the best kits in international football. And they make the English absolutely insane (the English blame Maradona for his "Hand of God" goal in the '86 Cup so that they don't have to watch Maradona's second - and winning - goal in that match.). In fact, this would only make sense if the Argies were concerned primarily with making the English insane. And they aren't.

Anyhoo, the notion that Argentina would hand over their national team to this fat, drug-abusing, deluded, utterly inexperienced manager is not just crazy...I refuse to believe it. It can't happen. Has Lute Olsen taken over the Argentine F.A. and chose Maradona because he can't get Mickey Mouse on the phone? It would be like the Lakers replacing Phil Jackson with Dennis Rodman. Would you believe that if you read it?
-----

Precious Roy:
There is no way this doesn't end well. Because if through some crazy underhanded shenanigans by the Gods this works and he pilots the Argies to victory in 2010, then hey, who couldn't win with that collection of talent? So yeah for Maradona. But the far more likely outcome that this goes the way of Isiah and the Knicks, holy shit is it going to be an entertaining freak show. A that's a win for the entirety of the non-Argentine football loving world. Brilliant job by the AFA.
-----

Spectator:
Scene: Maradona, Messi, Riquelme, and Tevez are on a football training
ground in Buenos Aires. Translated from Spanish (natch):

Maradona: Yeah, so, okay boys, gather around, stop dribbling that football. Let me tell you about the Hand of God at the 1986 World Cup.

Riquelme: Coach, but shouldn't we start preparing for our next qualifying match against Venezuela?

Maradona: Am I not the football coach?? I am teaching you how to win. (sniff) Right, so, the Hand of God, I was down there in the penalty area, those slow English defenders Hodge and Valdano are trying to cover me and....

Messi: But coach, we should really be working on our set pieces now, right? The game is in two days.

Maradona: (sniff) That's it! Messi, you're benched for the game.

Messi: But coach!?! I'm the team's best player.

Maradona: No, I am the best player on the squad, and I'll be taking your place. Now, more importantly, the Hand of God. Right, so, I'm down there in the English penalty area, I get past Hodge and Valdano, and then there's just the goalie Shilton to beat. That's when I lift the ball up, and then, knowing the ref was some stupid Tunisian...

Tevez: We know, coach, you used your hand. You've already admitted it. Now, look, we all want to get back to practicing for the big game. At this rate we won't even qualify for the World Cup!

Maradona: Enough! I can't believe that I can't even finish the story of the most miraculous goal ever scored without you little shits interrupting me. You are all benched! I'll play all 11 positions myself. Get off the pitch, get out of here!

FIN
-----

Ian:
Looks like the Argentine FA is making the same high quality decisions as the country's incompetent Presidential duo. I can see them wanting to instill a certain level of passion or desire in the players, but installing Maradona as coach reeks of desperation. And unlike Klinsman, Diego doesn't strike me as a coaching innovator full of new ideas and tactics. Instead, he is someone who wasted his athletic gifts and nearly died due to drugs and alchohol (in Buenos Aires the cocaine is named after Diego).

It's hard to imagine the players taking Maradona seriously as a coach, even if they revere him for his past accomplishments. The only way this works is if they put someone like Sergio Batista, who led the U-23s to the gold medal this summer, as the #2, and let Maradona spend his time sparring with the media and getting inside the head of Messi.

Seriously, though, this reeks of desperation.
-----

Moonshine Mike:
The pressers will be the best thing to happen to football. I expect a sex scandal, a betting scandal, and a drug scandal, in that order within 18 months if not from him, then from folks he has hired.
-----

The Fan's Attic:
There is no way this doesn't end well for us, Unprofessional Foul. Maradona is batshit insane. Maybe he can manage, but I doubt it. His press conferences and sideline antics will be worth the price of admission. If he succeeds great, he'll be even more insane. If he loses spectacularly he'll probably a little less insane than if they won. It's a win-win for the soccer snark business.

However, I firmly believe this will actually kill Maradona. I don't think his body can take that stress, especially if it doesn't go well. If he dies of a heart-attack on the sideline, I will not be surprised. It will only serve to make him a greater soccer god in the minds of Argentinians and I can't fault somebody dying while participating in something they truly love.

In short, this will be a giant mess of Maradona.
-----

u75:
If this comes to pass, it will be a lot of fun to watch. I think, though, that Maradona will do a better job with the team than Domenech has in France. While that may seem like apples and oranges, I say that the insane guy without real coaching experience is going to screw up less than the insane guy who thinks he knows what he's doing.

In all, his style will be the bluster of Mourinho, but without the results.
-----

Sven:
The only acceptable way (and likely) way for Maradona's tenure as the Argies' manager is on the sideline from a massive coronary.
-----

The NY Kid:
Is Maradona capable of running the Argentinian national team? I guess that depends on the availability of an all-you-can-eat buffet on the sideline and all-you-can-do cocaine on the team bus. While a fat, coked-up Maradona would certainly be an entertaining option, I would argue that it is also the only way that he can be successful. I mean, would you want a hungry, fiending Maradona considering strategy and formations? That's how we ended up with the 4-5-1! Sure, it will likely lead to a heart attack on the sideline, but if it also results in victory in South Africa I'm sure the rest of the country won't mind.
-----

What do you all think? Inspired push for glory, or sad, desperate PR move that could ruin its best players of the current generation?

Speak your mind in the comments. Further dramatic scenes like Spectator's are welcomed.

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The Adams Family.

Former Arsenal Captain Tony Adams has taken over at Portsmouth but will his players request a move? I am sure his chairman is delighted that he has publically given them an out! Join me after the jump to look at the Pompey gaff-er's first press conference.

There he sat, Pompey's new boss for his first press conference and his first managerial post in the top flight. He has been at Portsmouth as a number 2 for just long enough for Peter Storrie to forget his disastrous spell in charge of Wycombe Wanderers between 2003-04, a spell in the lower leagues that Adams will be glad is far behind him. In that time, he took Wycombe from the top of the table to the bottom and League 2. Oops.

So what's the first issue Adams addressed as he enjoyed the limelight today? That of his players and their allegiance to former boss Harry Redknapp. Adams warned his former mentor Harry Hotspur to keep his grubby hands off his players in January. A good move. Well done Tony. Then he said this...

"If anyone wants to go I’ll let them. I want players who want to play for us. If they don’t, it’s no good in the long run making them stay.” -Tony Adams, today.

NOOOOOOOOO! SHHHHHHH! What have you done! You just told all of your players they can leave if they want to, that's what. The warning to Spurs is now useless. What a gaff. A gaff of Wycombe-esque proportions. Surely if a big club comes in then the players WILL want to leave and off they will go, granted their move with a polite wave from the manager. Adams might as well rip up the contracts today.

Now, I am not Nostradamus but I can see a raid coming in January. Spurs need a central midfielder and at least one forward. Diarra, Crouch and Defoe will surely be on the shopping list and other teams will also now be adding Portsmouth players. As long as they want to leave of course. Jeez. Maybe Adams should just swap out the OKI logo on the team shirts for a 'FOR SALE' sign.

Adams has no managerial experience at this level but he will need to learn fast, as this isn't League 1. I do wish him luck, he was an excellent player and great asset to England. I can't help thinking however that his lack of experience with the press, as well as with the players, will come back to haunt him.

This position may have come too early for Adams and Portsmouth fans will certainly be nervous.

-Bigus.

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In Argentina, if you don't win, YOU DIE

Trivia Question of the Day: has an owner ever threatened to kill his own team before?

Until late last week, I believe the answer to be no (at least any such events that we outside the dressing room might have heard about). But then, just when it appeared that no-one had ever done so, we get this late entry from South America.

It happened, as most of these wild and crazy footballing stories do, in Argentina.

Rosario Central is a proud, mid-table side in the Primera Division, one that's almost a decade removed from its last league title. Since 1889, they've been plying their wares, and lately, things have taken a turn for the worse, and after a rather crap start to the season, they're sitting in 19th, second-from-last, with just 8 points from 9 games.

Owner and politician (such a wonderful, volatile mix of jobs) Horacio Usandizaga isn't taking this downturn very well, and during a recent "off-the-record" discussion with club supporters, he tipped his hand: "Central are going to get out of this situation, we are going to move forward. We are going to kill the players, coaching staff and anyone else."

Not much room for misinterpretation, is there?

Unsurprisingly, the soundbite has provoked a hefty response, especially in light of recent football-related violence around the country.

Rosario's captain, Kily Gonzalez, a Spanish La Liga champ with Valencia and Serie A winner with Inter Milan, issued a hasty statement on behalf of the team, who obviously don't wish to die for their poor football:

"We want to express our pain and our sentiments over this situation. We are as interested and as committed as anyone in trying to make sure that Rosario Central regain their historical place, which we have lost for various reasons."

The Argentine FA is investigating the story, which was reportedly caught on tape. To anyone who may have seen it (unlikely): put the thing on YouTube already and email it to us, alright?

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This week in offensive comments barely connected to football

Hosts of football shows have a long history of making offensive, off-the-cuff comments (anyone remember the Fox Football Fone-In controversy?), and we can now add football reality show presenter Brian McFadden to the mix.

McFadden is a host on the Australian football reality show Football Superstar, a show much like the one in China we reported on UF back in March. The show just finished its first season (don't click that Football Superstar link unless you enjoy spoilers), and McFadden has been doing the rounds on the radio to keep his name out there.

On one such show for New Zealand's More FM, he was responding to a caller who suggested that boys used to wear pink a lot more than girls a few decades ago.

McFadden's response?

"If you are not gay, a man should not be wearing pink. Saying pink is a form of red is the same as saying homosexual is a form of male."

Well then.

And this is coming from a guy who got his start in showbiz as part of a boy band, one of whom was gay?



As expected, there is considerable backlash, and when you think about the kind of mediocre career McFadden's eking out for himself these days, it might even be the end of his run in the media. Loud cries of homophobia abound, but the thing that troubles me is that he's either hypocritical, or extremely lacking in the memory department.

Less than a week ago, the idiot was pictured performing in a concert while wearing pink! It's one thing if his comments come from some hardened, Ted Nugent-esque fortress of imagined moral authority, as at least that opinion can be reasoned with over time (or one would hope), but considering the singer can't even make his own mind up about the color itself, you wonder why on earth he made the comments in the first place!

To play us out today, enjoy the dulcet tones of his former band Westlife's song "Swear It Again", their only song to cross the Atlantic Ocean with any success.

I mean based on his comments, I doubt anything else of him will be coming here any time soon.


[Ed. Note: I realize this is tenuously linked to football, but hey... McFadden does host a footie show]

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Sir Trevor channels Jim Mora: "Semis? SEMIS?!!"

[Ed. Note: we'd like to formally welcome Autoglass, the trouble-causing Chelsea fan, to the UF blogging ranks. You might remember him from this splash of glorious prose detailing what Arsenal means to him, and you can welcome him properly in the comments. If Chelsea spend big money, we can all expect him to gloat about it. Take it away, Blue!]

Ingerland, Ingerland, Ingerland!

It’s one of the better chants in International football, to my ear. Simple, but sung with urgency that wills the best of English youth on to success in "their" game. If you spend a lot of time with an Englishman, you can almost smell the desperate passion for their national team.

The closest we’ve come is the 1980 Olympic Hockey team (USA! USA! USA!). That team had NO expectations thrust upon it beforehand, so the passion was limited to the tournament itself and, of course, proved to be rewarded with gold.

While it’s been 42 years since England have won anything, I reckon that an English victory in the World Cup or Euros would about cause many of my closest friends’ heads to explode with joy.

... or maybe their sons’ heads to explode, ‘cuz it may be a while.

Sir Trevor Brooking, head of the English Football Association, recently engaged in some tactical expectations-lowering when discussing the National side...

"I thought there was a lot of quality football in Euro 2008 and the fact we didn't qualify was almost a reality check," Brooking told Sky Sports News. "We don't want to go from that (not qualifying) to saying we need to be in the last four of the World Cup."

Put that in context. Imagine Mike Krzyzewski coming out ahead of the Olympics and saying that US expectations should be about making the medal round rather than winning the whole thing. Patience, Mike counsels!

"What!? We invented the goddamn game! You’re going to cede excellence to buncha Brazilians and Croats!!!"

It’s been said before, and by better thinkers than me: England have some serious issues with their national team development. They're a side so balled-up with the nauseating fear of failure that they sometimes seem more concerned with keeping their butts clenched tight than with constructing an actual attack.

They possess talent that, for all the money and hype in the world’s richest league, is remarkably lacking in the ball skill necessary to break anyone down at the highest levels. I mean, you’ve got Joe Cole, Theo Walcott and... who else, exactly? Gerrard and Lampard and Rooney ain’t dribbling past anyone. Too often they are left with their admirable grit and steel, and unimaginative long balls hoofed up to the head of Peter Crouch.

England just failed to make the final 14 of the Euros (given the last two spots to Austria and Switzerland), and it's worth noting that Europe has 13 spots for the World Cup. The English consider one of those spots their birthright on the way to, as Brooking points out, an expected spot in the Semis.

While unlikely, it’s still quite possible that things could get worse for the Three Lions before it gets better.

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