Are Madrid 12-round Prize Fighters Or Just King Of The 4-Rounders?

Real Madrid unveiled French striker Karim Benzema yesterday as its third big money signing of summer transfer season. The former Lyon man cost a mere $57M for Los Blancos pushing Madrid’s summer spending over the $300M mark. All this spending makes for great headlines and underlines Perez’s stated goal to do in one year what took three years last time around with the original Galacticos, but does Perez have enough juice to finish the job?

Perez came out of the corner in his second term throwing many haymakers, landing most, signing the long sought after Cristiano Ronaldo, the 2007 Ballon d’Or winner Kaka, and now Benzema, but seemingly missing out Franck Ribery, David Villa, and perhaps Xabi Alonso. The question now is whether Perez is more Iron Mike Tyson or post-prison Mike Tyson. The difference being the latter was not disciplined enough for a 12-round fight any longer often punching himself out of a bout.

All the other clubs were stunned initially with Madrid’s explosion (except maybe Manchester City), but they seem to have righted themselves knowing they can make headway by grabbing the gems Madrid now considers flawed. Perez has already stated that he must offload at least 10 players this summer. Yet, he has only sold one, Javier Saviola.

The selloff rationale is two-fold. First, he cannot have a squad that large and pay the amount of money to the players who may only see the pitch every couple matches because the costs are ridiculous and the players will not be happy. Second, Perez believes he can make up a considerable amount of his outlays in increased shirt sales, but he must be counting on selling players to defray his outlays.

The Dutch contingent he has thrown out into the yard sale has not moved yet. There is good reason for this. All the other clubs see the staggering heavyweight who may have punched himself out of the fight. The longer the wait, the better the deals they may find on a Robben, Sneijder, Van der Vaart or Huntelaar. Come August as the transfer window begins to close, the bargain bin shoppers will have considerably more leverage and Perez may not get the funds he needs to finance his enormous outlays. This is Perez’s first mistake this summer.

His second has been his timing. This splurge would make so much more sense and yield more revenue for Madrid had there been an upcoming TV contract to negotiate. There is not. Madrid just started in 2008 a new five-year contract. Those broadcasters have a great deal now, just like many of Madrid’s other sponsors, which might explain the rumors that Perez is trying to strong-arm adidas into doubling its current deal that runs until 2012. Adidas should be laughing all the way to the bank at Perez’s offer.

Perez and Madrid are certainly gunning for the top. It just is not clear whether they have the endurance to make it all the way there. Chinks in the armor are already showing and the rest of this summer will go a long way to determining their success.

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UF Quick Throw: Barca Prez tells Madrid to get their shinebox

Real Madrid may be off-season, paper champs, but Barcelona are the treble-winners... Kings of Europe. And lest ye forget it, Blaugrana president Joan Laporta has brought out his inner Lloyd Bentsen.

Said Sr. Laporta:

We make Ballon d'Or winners and others have to buy them. It's fine by me that Real have bought Cristiano Ronaldo but at present Barcelona are the point of reference for everyone."

Wow. Get some, Florentino Perez. Get some. And by the way... Can we please start the season NOW?!?

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Winker: Spain Is Best!

Well, well, what do we have here. Cristiano Ronaldo opening his trap and spewing nonsense as he is unveiled in Spain?

Who could have seen this coming? The Winker says that La Liga is 'superior' to the Premier League. This would be true if La Liga was a two-team league consisting of Real Madrid and Barcelona.


Ronaldo passed his medical this morning and was unveiled at the mother of all rallys tonight in Madrid. The winker has signed a six year deal with Real after his 80 million pound move from Manchester United.


Big turn out for 'the winker'.

So La Liga is better than the Premier League? Hmmm. Before I look at that claim, what else did Ronnie have to say?

"I think La Liga is going to have more quality because of the players that are arriving. All the players have a lot of quality and the referees protect the players." -Christiano Ronaldo.

Oh, the referees protect the players in Spain! Got it. So Ronaldo can flail around the pitch winning free-kicks, safe in the knowledge that if anyone actually touches him, they are likely to get a yellow card. Super. That sounds like the better league to me.

Real Madrid have collected and built a super team this year and European Champions Barcelona are exceptional, but to claim that La Liga is the better league based on two teams of stars is ridiculous. Surely he doesn't believe this and is just pandering to the Spanish press? Nah, he means it because he is a sandwich short of a picnic. Silly sausage, let's go and have a look shall we?

Almeria, Athletic Balbao, Athletico Madrid, Barcelona, Deportivo La Coruna, Espanyol, Getafe, Malaga, Mallorca, Osasuna, Racing Santander, Real Madrid, Real Zaragoza, Sevilla, Sporting Gijon, Tenerife, Valencia, Valladolid, Villareal, Xerez Club Deportivo S.A.D.

Ok Folks, that's La Liga. Lets pull all of the top stars out of every team except for Real Madrid and Barcelona. Lets examine the international studs and well known players on display in Spain.

Almeria. None here that I can see?
Athletic Bilbao. Jose Etxeberria. 31 year old Exeberria has played 50 times for Spain.
Athletico Madrid. Got 5 here. Potuguese wing terror Simao, his mate Maniche, Diego Forlan, Argentina middy Maxi Rodriguez and the much coveted Sergio Aguero. Aguero could leave Madrid's second team this summer.
Deportivo La Coruna. Sorry, no International gems here.
Espanyol. None here, except for Steve Finnan and Chelsea reject Ben Sahar. yeah You are right...None here.
Getafe. Equador forward Joffre Guerrón. That's yer lot.
Malaga. No recognizable stars here.
Mallorca. Gonzalo Castro, the England U21 European Cup destroyer and young German, but alas no stars.
Osasuna. There's 35 year old JuanFran, 11 appearances for Spain. Walter Pandiani of 'I had a season at Birmingham' fame, oh and rated young middy 'Sunny'. So no one here either.
Racing Santander. Serbia international defender Nikola Žigić.
Real Zaragoza. Just promoted to the Spainish top-flight, with help from Argentina legend, the 36 year old Roberto Ayala. Does he count? At 36? Ah go on then.
Sevilla. Young Argentinian Lautaro Acosta. Not a name yet, but he's one for the future. Bound to break my heart against England at some point. Luis Fabiano, Brazilian forward and star of this summers Confederations Cup. Freddie Kanoute? Go on then, and finally Serbia international defender Ivica Dragutinović.
Sporting Gijon. Yeah, no.
Tenerife. Apart from being a popular holiday resort for English folks to get drunk at, CD Tenerife has no stars to boast. Sorry Ronaldo.
Valencia. The obvious mega star is David Villa. But will he be here next month? I doubt it. Likely he will end up in England. Fernando Morientes? EEEEK. Newcastle reject Hugo Viana? UGGH...
Valladolid. My favorite team in Spain. Yeah, nada, unless a 35 year old Victor counts for much. However, Kike is gonna be a good player.
Villareal. We have a pair of 'past their sell by date' Frenchmen and both of 'em are former Gooners: Pascal Cygan and Robert Pires. One hated New jersey native, Giuseppe Rossi. Fellow American Jozy Altidore and the very good Spain international, Joan Capdevila.
Xerez Club Deportivo S.A.D. Promoted to the top-flight for the first time, no big names here except for....Jose Altidore??? Well nearly. He was loaned from Villareal in January then injured. Maybe they will loan him this season?

Ok, now do I really need to go through the players in England? Do I? Oh alright. Same rules apply here. Not including Manchester United or Liverpool. Players who are seasoned internationals or well known in World football.

A is for Arsenal. Cesc Fabregas, Bacary Sagna, Robin Van Persie, Theo Walcott, William Gallas, Eduardo, Nasri, Rosicky. All first choice internationals. Then again, so are Eboue, Silvestre and Toure.
Aston Villa. John Carew, Carew, he likes a lap dance or two, he may even pay for you, John Carew, Carew. He counts. 69 apps for Norway. Stilian Petrov, Emile Heskey, Wilfred Bouma. Friedel? He is old isn't he. Disregard.
B is for Bongo. No superstars here. Keep moving Bigus.
B is also for Blackburn. Diouf, McCarthy, Givet and Zurab Khizanishvili all internationals. Khizanishvili plays for Georgia. Disregard. Oh nearly forgot Aaron Mokoena, Morten Gamst-Pedersen, Brett Emerton and Tugay Kerimoglu. Hmm, they are ok, but star wise? Tugay stays, disregard the rest?
Bolton. Ebi Smolarek and Johan Elmander are both seasoned internationals, that's yer lot Bolton.
Burnley. Moving on.
Chelsea. Zhirkov, Terry, Lampard, A Cole, Bosingwa, Essien, Ballack, Anelka, Cech, Malouda, J Cole, Alex, Carvalho. OOF.
Everton. Nuno Valente, Lescott, Mikel Arteta, Tim Howard, Steven Pienaar and Yakubu.
Fulham. Brede Hangeland, Clint Dempsey, Simon Davies. All experienced internationals.
Hull. Kevin Kilbane and Geovanni.
Man City. Roque Santa-Cruz, Craig Bellamy, Robinho, Elano, Martin Petrov, Vincent Kompany, Nigel De Jong, Gareth Barry, Tevez??????
Portsmouth. Hreidarsson, Kanu, Crouch, Angelos Basinas and John Utaka.
Stoke. Salif Dao, Abdoulaye Faye and Amdy Faye are all regulars for Senegal.
Sunderland. Kenwyne Jones?
Spurs. Luka Modric, Wilson Palacios, Vedran Corluka, Jermain Defoe and Robbie Keane. Even sick note King has played 19 times for England.
West Ham. Luis Jimenez, Upson, Radoslav Kovac, Jonathon Spector, Luis Boa Morte and England's new mumber one, Robert Green.
Wigan. Erik Edman, Henri Camara and long-throw king Maynor Figueroa. That's about it.
Wolves. Nenad Milijaš, Kevin Doyle and Ronald Zubar!

Now, while I am not saying that the Spainish league is poo, it isn't. And I am not saying these players suck, just because I have not heard of them or because they don't play for their country. However, I am saying that La Liga is nowhere near as being as strong as the Premier league. A league whose players don't need a favor from the referee and are man enough to look after themselves. I am also saying that Ronaldo's claim that better players live in La Liga is bollocks!

While Barcelona and Real Madrid can justify claiming that they are the best two teams in Europe, better than any team in England, the rest of the league leaves a lot to be desired when it comes to top class personnel.

So Ronaldo, enjoy the weather, enjoy winning free-kicks from weak, ball-less referees and enjoy your superstar team mates, because you certainly won't find as many super-stars around the country on your travels as you did while in England.

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The Menace of Los Merengues

Unfortunately, this image is all too literal

There is a dark cancer looming on football's landscape.

It grows quickly... unchecked... roaring with ferocity, reaching towards the heavens as it threatens to consume what it pleases and destroy all else that dares to lie in its path.

We've seen its ilk before, seen it stutter and ultimately perish under the crushing weight of unrealized expectations.

But, it's returned... Announcing its intentions with a vengeance; Hell-bent on righting past wrongs whilst disregarding future consequences.

And this go-round, I'm actually wary of this specter of destruction.

I'm talking, of course, about the return of Real Madrid's 'Galacticos' policy.

It's the Menace of Los Merengues.

Mind you, it's not the Voltron in White I'm actually batting an eye towards, regardless of how impressive its freshly crafted resume reads. No doubt, newly re-crowned Emperor Florentino Perez (Don't worry if he writes rhymes, he writes checks) is hell-bent on European domination and is currently making it rain in hopes of hauling in Barcelona and catapulting Madrid back to the summit of global football.

With the most recent jigsaw puzzle purchase, Karim Benzema, Madrid's summer spending now totals £182m. 182 mucho grande on four players: the previously mentioned £30m French striker, £80m on His Doucheness, £59m for the God-fearing Kaka and a measly £13m for centerback Raúl Albiol, formerly of Valencia. You'd do well to wager good money on continued spending from Senor Brewster as Los Blancos' defense is still picking splinters out of their asses courtesy of a woodshed whooping from their Catalan rivals.

While I've derived a sick pleasure in watching Dr. Perezenstein build his monster, I find my feeling on the matter quite conflicted.

Let me point out that there is no love lost between myself and Madrid. Quite frankly, I harbor nothing but disdain for the club. I loathe the way they tap players up, recklessly speculating on theoretical transfers in hopes of swaying favor during their presidential elections. The last few years of failure on the Iberian Peninsula have brought a smile to my face. Especially last season, when my beloved Liverpool (to borrow a term) stomped a mudhole in their ass and walked it dry during the Champions League knock-out phase.

I've certainly not enjoyed having Perez make eyes with Xabi Alonso, threatening to come in and sweep Liverpool's best passer off his feet for a cool £30m. It's as if Real believe they are entitled to whomever they deem necessary for their cause, whenever, and refuse to take 'no' for an answer. (Real Madrid = date rapists) The fact that Real paid Manchester United their king's ransom in one lump sum is jaw-droppingly impressive. It's even raised questions among the UF Collective on how such a large debt is settled... Spectator ponders, do they wire the money? Or is it a giant check like the ones you get from Publisher's Clearinghouse?

This demonstration of sheer capitalistic force is a bit frightening, proving that everybody does indeed have their price. Yet, where does adopting this tack take us? Although they've every right to splash whatever silly cash they have at their disposal (despite not having to answer for their financial follies because of their royal backing & subsequent 'bail-out'), surely this flies in the face of what's Good For Football?

I'm torn.

Surely, for a Liverpool fan, watching C Ronaldo fuck off to Spain and weaken United in the process is a beautiful thing. Yet, Perez has armed Sir Alex Ferguson with 80 million more arrows for his quiver, truly more than any club without a crooked Russian owner could hope to have.

And after three years of SAF cooing over Karim Benzema and now flush with the kitty to woo him properly, the crusty old Scot has him snatched right from under his gin-blossomed nose. Too amusing, no? Yet, how quickly could this loss spur the wily manager to come knocking on the door of one of Liverpool's targets?

The influx of new top-tier talent surely means the End of Days for a number of current Madrid players, their Dutch contingent especially being asked to 'wrap it up'. While I'd enjoy seeing ­Sneijder, Huntelaar and van der Vaart ply their wares in England (I'd welcome any of those three at Anfield, although that's a non-starter), I'd be just as happy to see them move elsewhere so I can root for their success at the club level as I do on the international stage. (btw, fuck Arjen Robben) Yet, once again, what are the chances this wooden shoe exodus could strengthen a red rival?

So, I've come to this conclusion: Fuck Madrid. Fuck them right in their player-tapping-up, cash-burning, fantasy-team building ear. I hope their dry spell continues and their newest trophy cabinet stays as barren as Emily Dickinson. I hope Barca (FORÇA BARCELONA!) continues their Spanish dominance. I hope Madrid finds just as much success as Chelsea has enjoyed in their recent quest to conquer Europe.

Here's to hoping the Second Coming goes as poorly as the first.

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UF Quick Throws: Real Madrid Get Another Galactico

Several sources are reporting that Real Madrid has locked up a deal with Olympique Lyonnais for the services of Les Bleus youngster Karim Benzema. The fee is believed to be €35m (£30m) for the French striker, who has won 4 Ligue 1 titles with Lyon and been capped 24 times for the national team.

Real Madrid claim Karim Benzema victory [The Sun]
£30m Karim Benzema set to join Real Madrid [The Guardian]

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Real Madrid Now Addressing The Defense

After splashing down well over 100M Euros for Kaka and Ronaldo earlier this month, everybody wondered whether Real Madrid ever address its woeful defense. The answer is beginning to take shape as it appears the first sale in Valencia's firesale will be Raul Albiol, and Real Madrid is doing the buying for a reported £12.8m.

That is one Liverpool target gobbled up by Madrid and it still looks like Real has eyes for a current Liverpool player, Alvaro Arbeloa. One wonders though, how much they will actually pay if Liverpool will not let Alonso go.

It might be time, soon, to revisit the Madrid roster and how it might look next year.

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Real Madrid's Secret Printing Press

So Madrid has spent just over €160M over a few days for two players. How much is that?

It's €160M, duh.

But for fun let's do a compairson. Ready? For that same amount of money Real Madrid president Florentino Perez could have paid every MLS teams' salary bills for the next seven season (6.8 seasons actually, and it's assuming no designated players). Wasn't that fun?

Yeah, not really. I'm sure they could have fed half of Mali for that amount as well. Or bought 17 villages in Bhutan the complete 'Homeboys From Outer Space' on DVD. Etc., etc.

It's a mind boggling amount of money. And it's just the transfer costs. Madrid still have to pay Kaka's and Cristiano Ronaldo's wages. So where does all that coin come from? Funny you should ask...

First off, Madrid is a very rich club. Forbes ranks them 2nd behind only Manchester United in its annual list of team valuations. Additionally, they have higher revenue and less debt than the Mancunians.

Two things: First, any list that has Newcastle worth $300M can only be taken so seriously. Second, unless Madrid is planning on unloading a couple hundred million Euro worth of its own players. the club's valuation alone wouldn't explain where all of this money is suddenly coming from.

There are other explanations for that.

Unlike England where the league negotiates its TV rights, in Spain clubs are free to negotiate their own individual rights. Apparently Real Madrid is pretty popular in Spain as they were able to secure a six season deal for €1.1B (or about $1.4B) with Mediapro. For comparison the same folks paid FC Barcelona €600M for five years (somewhat interestingly, Mediapro is a Catalan company).

Assuming straight line payments, that means a little over €157M for Madrid every year in domestic TV money. As another comparison, EPL money gets a team in the neighborhood of €35M.

This comes with a big caveat. First this is for the current contract that runs out next season. So, the number is about to go up. Plus the money isn't evenly distributed, you get more for being a bigger draw. So United, Arsenal, Chelsea, and Liverpool are probably up somewhere closer to €50M. Stoke, eh, they're getting less (and apparently aren't spending it on more pitch real estate).

Point being: Madrid have a lot more money than their Spanish (and English) counterparts.

But media reports have circulated around the Spanish capital of new Real Madrid president Florentino Perez having €300M to spend (over half of which he's already dropped on Kaka and Cristiano Ronaldo). So even if every penny of Real's TV money went to transfer funds, that only covers a little over half the supposed transfer till.

Where does the rest come from? Good question. That one is also a head scratcher for Barca's economic director Xavier Sala i Martin:

I do not know where the €300 million that Florentino Perez thinks he has for signings actually comes from. He says he will recoup it by selling replica shirts and so he will have to sell 30 million of them. That is impossible.... Someone is going to have to give them money and it would be good if he explained it. How can it be that a football club has so much money to spend, bearing in mind the current economic situation in the country and the politics of credit restriction in place in all banks?

Translation: Shenanigans.

Sala i Martin is wrong. Madrid don't need to sell 30 million shirts. They just need to sell one really, really expensive one. In reality, some of the money will come back in merchandise sales as the Daily Mail points out shirt sales jumped 137% during the 4-year stay of David Beckham.

Moreover, as was pointed out by a commenter, Real are a social trust, and as a result aren't necessarily subject to the same laws and pesky regulations that might hamper their stature and status.

So, this whole thing is just who knows who. Then, over here, you have favoritism.

Real Madrid doesn't need to put up collateral or service debt. Their debt is held by local banks or creditors and those banks are often chaired by people allied with the club's interests or, it not, they come under political pressure not to put economic pressure on the club. And if Real Madrid need a line of credit, then apparently, hey, there's €300M available.

And they must need it as Perez believes they have to "do in one year what [they] would normally do in three."

Another bit of peculiarity is that, according to Sid Lowe this time the money is from a Catalan bank, La Caixa (is that Catalan for 'the box'?)

No wonder Sala i Martin is pissed, it's his people (Mediapro, La Caixa) bankrolling his biggest rivals' quest to get the band back together. Maybe someone should remind him that they paid nothing for Andres Iniesta and they have the big ears trophy. Oh, and he lives in Barcelona. That should assuage things for a bit.

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What Will Real Madrid's Roster and Lineup Look Like Next Season?

Galacticos 2.0?

Florentino Perez is clearly playing fantasy football in the real world right now with the mega-signings of Cristiano Ronaldo and Kaka in the past few days. It also does not appear he is finished collecting superstar players Galacticos 2.0, with David Villa, Franck Ribery, Xabi Alonso, Nemanja Vidic and Javier Mascherano all still rumored to be moving to the Bernabeu this summer, with the Villa move looking ever more likely these days. So, what will his new manager, Manuel Pellegrini, have to play with at beginning of next season? And what his favored lineup be?

Perez has said he will trim 10 players from the current roster to make way for the new signings. Whether this means he will cut down the squad size or Perez intends to sign 10 new players is not clear. Although, it likely means next season's roster will be smaller than this season's.

The Blancos roster at the end of this season looked like this:



12 Agus D 16 Gabriel Ivan Heinze D
28 Alberto Alberto Bueno F 20 Gonzalo Gerardo Higuaín F
27 Chema Anton D 19 Klaas-Jan Huntelaar F
5 Fabio Cannavaro D 24 Javi García M
1 Iker Casillas G 12 Marcelo D
13 Jordi Codina G 21 Christoph Metzelder D
18 Ruben De la Red M 2 Michel Michel Salgado D
6 Lassana Diarra M 35 Miguel Palanca F
6 Mahamadou Diarra M 17 Daniel Parejo M
15 Royston Ricky Drenthe D 3 Pepe D
25 Jerzy Dudek G 7 Raúl F
18 Julien Faubert M 11 Arjen Robben M
8 Fernando Rubén Gago M 9 Javier Saviola F
29 Gary Gary D 4 Sergio Sergio Ramos D
14 Jose Maria Guti M 10 Wesley Sneijder M
28 Marcos Ramiro Tebar M 22 Miguel Torres D
23 Rafael Van der Vaart M 17 Ruud Van Nistelrooy F
26 Velayos D

Dudek, Salgado, and Cannavaro are gone, but Ezequiel Garay returns from loan and you must add Ronaldo and Kaka to the list as well.

So, who gets culled from the roster?

It won't be a firesale because Real can afford to keep the players but there might be some discounts to be had and players will certainly want to leave for more playing time. Ruud, Heinze, Robben, Van der Vaart and Sneijder have all been rumored to be leaving. In fact, the Dutch contingent in Madrid could be nearly wiped out this offseason.

It is looking very likely that Villa will be coming in, so it makes it much more likely that Ruud, who is coming off an injury and is getting up there, and Saviola, who barely had any playing time this year, will on their way out. Huntelaar, while a new acquisition, could also be shipped on his way, but I think it unlikely.

Current midfielders at the Bernabeu should be very worried about their status. Kaka will take up the starting central attacking midfield position and everybody else will be second choice and deservedly so. Van der Vaart, who likes the central role with either have to slide over to the wings for playing time or sit back in a reserve role. Guti, the long-time Blanco and vice-captain, would likely be a much more willing reserve.

Ronaldo will take up a starting winger position meaning Robben, Sneijder and Van der Vaart will all have to fight for time on the wing. If Real signs up Ribery this will mean only more competition. This would seem to add credent to Van der Vaart leaving Madrid and likely either Robben or Sneijder leaving for greener pastures. My money would be on Robben leaving since he can only play on the right side, whereas Sneijder is a bit more versatile. None of these three will like severly reduced playing time that next season will likely bring if all remain.

In the defense the only likely exit will be Heinze due to his age. This is the one area where Real Madrid does not have a surfeit of talent and will likely bring in another central defender and left fullback (Raul Albiol? Vidic? Who else?).

As an LFC fan, I would swap Alonso for Gago and Sneijder/Higuain if Perez wants Xabi so badly. Fair deal if you ask me.

With so much offensive firepower, what do you think the preferred lineup for Pellegrini will be?

My best guess would be a 4-2-3-1.

Villa

Sneijder - Kaka - Ronaldo

Diarra - Gago

Marcelo - Metzelder - Pepe - Ramos

Casillas

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UF Quick Throw: Lest You Think Real Are Done

There is this fresh from the Guardian. The money quote:

"The answer [from Valencia] was 'no' because negotiations with Real Madrid are very advanced," [Chelsea scout Juan Cruz] Sol said. "So there's no possibility Villa will go to Chelsea because he wants to go to Real Madrid."

It's been a crazy day. We're currently trying to figure out who's out at Madrid and what the starting line-up looks like next season. It's like playing fantasy futbol and it's only crazier if they land David Villa. Our collective thinking in a post tomorrow.

At least it hasn't been a bore waiting for the Confederations Cup to start.

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C-Ron to Real: The Implications at both ends

As one would expect, the C-Ron transfer shenanigan is consuming all other soccer news in its path, devouring smaller stories as ferociously as Janice Dickinson sucks up lines of cocaine from her kitchen table. Yes, it's finally over. A team has sold a player to another team, and we must sit back to avoid overdosing on the hyperbole. But we cannot!

Given that C-Ron is not your average player changing hands in a summer transfer (sorry, Gareth Barry; did you notice less journo flacks at your first Citeh press conference this morning?), there's an obvious and massive knock-on effect for both sides of this nifty slice of business.

For United and Real Madrid, things are about to change dramatically. Precious Roy already took a wonderful look at it from the money side, and now I fancy examining the consequences on the pitch.

Manchester United: the band loses its egotistical lead singer
For the Reds, the immediate future is obvious; they're losing an incredible amount of goals from a wide position. 91 in three seasons from their best offensive producer, their free-kick genius, and their versatile winger who also thrived in a center-forward role that Ferguson tried towards the end of the season.

The void is massive, and the wishlist of suitors who are capable, willing and able to fill the role (not without a massive favor from any of Europe's great domestic clubs who might be content to sit on their stockpiled stars) isn't very big at all. After all, who would dare be the team to immediately improve a franchise that sorely needs the help up front? Not to mention that every player they covet (Ribery, Villa, Aguero) has countless other suitors.

Simply put, C-Ron is as close as it gets to irreplaceable these days. While the Era of the Individual, that hazy, highlight-packed period that really kicked off in the late 90s, is still present, the team dynamic and proliferation of tactically-astute managers has lessened its impact.

In spite of the shift, C-Ron is/was one of those precious few who could lift his team out of the doldrums created by negative gameplans, and without him, United look a lot more one-dimensional. They will struggle to pull through some matches without Ronaldo's ability to provide spark, something he did just as much on the field as he did off.

Consider that Man U scored just 68 goals in the EPL this past season. It's still a proud figure, but it's the lowest tally to spur an EPL trophy march since 1992/93.

And so, who will provide the goals? Wayne Rooney is a great player, but he is not industrious enough to play provider and scorer all for himself (one of C-Ron's many talents included taking enough pressure away from his batterymates).

Carlos Tevez? His workrate and effort eclipse that of most in United's squad, and yet his natural style of play has been stifling to that of Rooney, considering the two are so similar. Oh, and this is without mentioning that Tevez is a dead cert to leave Old Trafford, having been relegated unfairly to the second or third string.

Dimitar Berbatov? Perhaps one of the EPL's laziest players, so unflinching in his sloth that those sublime moments of individual skill are, when he can be bothered, that much more breathtaking. However, through analytical eyes, it's clear he is not providing an adequate return on the investment.

Danny Welbeck? Federico Macheda? Woefully unseasoned for a full season of title-chasing strain and stress, despite the Hollywood-esque entrance made by the young Italian.

With this loss, United will need to show their defensive strength more than ever, as it might be the biggest weapon they still possess. When you consider that C-Ron is arguably the best player in the world operating today, there can be no sufficient replacement. Ferguson has done this sort of thing in the past, selling big-name stars to the surprise of many (Andrei Kanchelskis, Ruud van Nistelrooy, David Beckham), but none of them have had the singular importance to the team -- all preening, sulk and arrogance aside -- as Cristiano Ronaldo does.

United fans should console themselves with the assertion that his poisonous ego was detrimental to the Red Army's movement, although when the well of goals runs dry, that will not be a very comforting mantra. For all his petulance, it's hard to argue that Ronaldo didn't get the job done when asked.


Real Madrid: Florentino Perez isn't a fan of Moneyball
However you choose to look at it, this is good business for Real Madrid. It helps to re-establish their credibility once more as a domestic and European force, it aids the rebuilding process of their worldwide brand (it had been six or so years between Galacticos cycles), and it reinvigorates a league that could really use a legitimate dramatic counterpoint to the homegrown, grassroots might of Barcelona.

Florentino Perez has achieved all of this with just two signatures -- 2007's World Player of the Year, Kaka, and now 2008's World Player of the Year, Cristiano Ronaldo.

We know from the last galacticos incarnation (think Sealab 2020, but more attractive) that it can work -- they won two league titles in three years before their dismantling -- but this time around, they must address their woes at the back, as well as figuring out just how all the jigsaw pieces will fit together.

Having tons of offensive firepower and might doesn't automatically crown you King of the World. Brazil 1982 was full of stepover kings and electrifying strikers, and yet all it took was a well-drilled, hungry Italy to topple them because of their frailty at the back. It happens all the time, in that respect; the rush for superstars is so heady and intense, like a heroin addict fiending for the needle, that the unglamorous behind-the-scenes fortification is neglected.

Their backline was shown to be paper-thin in the Champions League, and will be again unless changes are made. Iker Casillas is only 28, but his workload between the posts must make him feel twice as old. There's Sergio Ramos, a right-back who rarely bothers to defend. Heinze and Salgado are both approaching being put out to pasture, Marcelo is inconsistent and prone to being caught too far forward, and then Pepe has shown his fondness for violence when frustrated and flustered at the back.

It's an awful platform for which to help Kaka, Ronaldo and company do what they need to do moving forward; one wonders just what money they will spend on the blue collar improvements they will sorely need.

And then there's the tactical question; just how do you make everyone work together? Looking at their squad, they're logjammed at every position, and it'll take some masterful work by whoever steps through the revolving managerial door to keep everyone happy for more than a season and a half.

Good business, to be sure, but an acquisition that brings with it a parade of questions and quibbles that need to be addressed. After all, Ronaldo's desire to move wasn't just for the improvement in weather. He craves the success that he enjoyed at United, and then some.

Read more on "C-Ron to Real: The Implications at both ends"...

Kaka to Real Madrid for €65m (£56m)

j/k!!!!
Cue the Galácticos theme music.

Real Madrid wanted Kaka, AC Milan wanted the cash, and Kaka wanted to be wanted. You can't put this one much better than the man himself:

The soap opera is over. The negotiations are closed. I have sealed my transfer to Madrid.

David Beckham, no stranger to having to make big decisions on transfers, advised Kaka that this was a good move to further his career. And AC Milan released a very nice statement that Kaka's "loss on the field, though serious, can be filled. It will, however, be very difficult to fill the void left by Kaka the man."

For those of you keeping track at home, this is the second highest transfer fee paid behind the €76m for Zidane. Now the question is where does Real Madrid go next? Crissy Ronaldo? Ribery? David Villa? All of the above?

[NY Times]
[Guardian]

Read more on "Kaka to Real Madrid for €65m (£56m)"...

Altidore to Madrid!

And that's the most midleading headline ever on UF, but this might impact the Haitian Sensation in some way.

As expected, Florentino Perez (re)took the presidency of Real Madrid. He was the only candidate on the ballot. An orgy of spending will ensue.

Surrounding his ascendency are rumors that he will bring pretty much everyone to Madrid. Everyone being Cristiano Ronaldo, Kaka, Ribery, Xabi Alonso, and David Villa. Perez is also going to mandate that La Liga games be allowed to play multi-ball to keep everyone happy.

The only person actually brought in thus far during the hours-old tenure of Perez is Manuel Pellegrini (pictured above), the (now) former Villarreal manager. Pellegrini replaces Junade Ramos who replaced Bernd Schuster who was fired for sucking.

As recent as Saturday, Pellegrini said he had had no contact with Madrid. Today, he's the new manager.

The most interesting tidbit from the AP story is this: "Recent reports have said incoming Real Madrid president Florentino Perez plans to present Pellegrini on Tuesday and Milan's Kaka as the club's new star player Thursday."

That's complete nonsense. Kaka will actually move to Dinamo Bender in Moldova.

See how easy it is to make "reports"?

Anyway, expect a Galaticos redux at the Bernabéu as this is Perez' second stint at the helm of Madrid. He takes over in the wake of December's hilarious vote rigging scandal perp'ed by Ramon Calderon (recap here if you need it).

Perez first presided over Madrid from 2000 to 2006 when they bought Beckham, Zindane, Originaldo, Mikey Owen, Luis Figo, and maybe some other people to fill out a squad.

So what's this have to do with Jozy Altidore? Pellegrini was instrumental in bringing the young American to Villareal. Of course he was also likely part of the decision to loan him out to Xerex where he never even got in the squad (we don't think). But hey, the summer is all about rampant speculation.

While it would be totally cool to see a 'Merican Meringue it ain't happening and, if anything, this puts Altidore's status at Villarreal that much more in doubt.

Still, it might behoove Madrid to develop some cheap younger players. Because while they've been running through coaches and trying to drain the Eredivisie, their rivals in Barcelona have been paying €0 for players like Andres Iniesta because they brought them up through the youth system.

Read more on "Altidore to Madrid!"...

Live Blog: Real Madrid v. Barcelona

Remember that David Beckham guy? He used to play for MLS side LA Galaxy, which is what ties the above photo into this post, and before that he played for Real Madrid for several seasons. Sir Goldenballs played in a number of el Clasicos as a member of the Galacticos and it happens to be his birthday today! So let's wish him well and move on to the important business at hand.

I'm liveblogging the game! I have liveblogged in a while but I just popped a Vicodin for my bum knee and I slept only 4 hours last night, so this should be interesting.

Today's match has huge title race implications. Barca sits only four points ahead of Real Madrid right now, a Madrid win makes it seriously squeaky bum time for Barcelona as they have Champions League and Copa Del Rey matches still ahead of them. A victory would probably put the title to bed and a draw would at least have it ready for bed.

Both teams are thin at the back as Marquez is out for the season for the Catalans and Pepe is suspended for his temporary insanity against Getafe.

That the Madridistas are even in this position is simply amazing and has taken a great run of form to get there. In Juande Ramos' first match with Madrid they lost 2-0 to Barcelona. This was in December. Since then they have not lost a single league match and taken 52 of 54 possible points. Incredible.

I'm not sure what that says about Ramos or Tottenham--the club he led to the precipice of relegation but have rebounded quite nicely since his departure--but it certainly seems odd.

Later the lineups.

Real Madrid - Casillas, Metzelder, Cannavaro, Heinze, Ramos, Gago, Diarra, Marcelo, Robben, Raul, Higuaín

Barcelona - Valdés, Pique, Puyol, Abidal, Alves, Toure, Iniesta, Xavi, Henry, Eto'o, Messi

I have GolTV now which is great because I get to see so many more soccer matches. It's even greater because all the commericials are in Spanish, which I don't speak, and are just a bit crazy. Oddly enough, the commercials are all in Spanish, except the GolTV commercials, but most of the soccer is done with English commentary. Very odd.

Players entering and the music is not as regal as Champions League music. THey also don't have the kiddie chaperones for this match. Why not? Does somebody have a record we don't know about? My money would be on Puyol.

Tweeeeeeet! Game on.

1:00 - The announcer just told me we are going to rock. Xavi just got a great shot but directly at Casillas.

3:00 - Wow! Robben just blew by Abidal. It was an F1 versus a gokart.

5:00 - Eto'o just offside otherwise he was clear on Casillas.

8:00 - Abidal was lucky to get the call as he was dispossessed by Raul who tried to catch Valdes out of position with a long shot.

10:00 - Great game so far as both sides are attacking, unlike a certain oligarch controlled London club.

12:00 - Opposite defender left the left Madrid defenders out to dry keeping Messi on and then letting him get at Casillas who cleared and was fouled by the little flea.

GOALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!! HIGUAIN!!!

14:00 - What a nice buildup, Ramos blows by Abidal and crosses it to the middle of the box where an unmarked Higuain rose to meet it with a header into the net. Very nice, poor defending. Abidal is having a horror match so far.

15:00 - And we're back on the other end as Henry takes it down the left line drawing in the defense and picks out a streaking Eto'o who just misses connecting in what surely would have been a goal.

Note: Eto'o wasn't really streaking. He still had his clothes on.

17:00 - GOALLL!!! HENRY. 1-1.

Messi fed Henry who controlled brilliantly and slotted home from the left side of the goal easily. Madrid's high line bit them in the ass there.

This is pacy, end-to-end action.

20:00 - Cannavaro fouls Titi just on the left endline outside the box. Xavi lines up over the ball...

GOALL!!!! PUYOL!! 2-1 Barca.

More poor marking.


22:00 - Holy crap! Valdes saved an Alves own goal. Higuain crossed it into the box and Alves was streaking back to cover and nearly knocked it in only luck allowed Valdes to be in the right place.

Abidal booked for elbowing Robben. There is going to be a red in this game and I think Abidal will get it.

24:00 - Casillas stones Messi after the umpteenth time the high Madrid line has hurt the team and allowed Barca a great chance.

Ramos booked for tripping Henry.

I forgot to mention the great bit of footwork Higuain showed prior to the near own goal to keep possession. It was marvelous.

26:00 - Messi has switched sides to help keep Ramos from Serging forward.

Xavi links up nicely with Eto'o on the right who gets a nice look at the goal but Casillas is up to the challenge.

Really? I was thinking I wanted to snip Hudson's vocal chords.

29:00 - Iniesta and Messi link up with deft passing in the box but Casillas comes out to gobble up Messi's shot. Iker has been stupendous.

32:00 - Raul collects it just outside the 18 and turns and fires a nice shot just over the bar. One of his few touches so far after a hattrick last week.

33:00 - Messi nearly beats Casillas with a cheeky chip from the endline, but Iker scrambles and just keeps the ball out. On replay, the chip was even more amazing as he gave it spin with the outside of the foot and almost works. Amazing.

36:00 - GOAL!!! Messi. 3-1.

Xavi stole the ball from Diarra, terrible, terrible play, and fed Messi who just slotted it home.

Madrid's defense is about as bad as Liverpool's against Arsenal.

39:00 - Puyol booked. The ensuing free kick drops right into the box untouched. I don't know how Madrid couldn't put that one in.

Barca's defense is as bad as Madrid's. It's just that Madrid's midfield can't maintain possession right now.

42:00 - Robben throws a temper tantrum after getting whistled for a foul. Barca gives it right back to Robben who does the same in kind.

45:00 - Marcelo booked for stepping on Messi. Free kick center pitch from about 35 yards out.

Alves takes the kick and Casillas with another diving save. The only reason this game isn't 6-3 is Iker Casillas and Barca's defensive luck.

Halftime

I'm exhausted. This match hasn't paused for a moment.

The question is how will Ramos adjust at halftime. Los Blancos are having no time on the ball in the midfield. They need to possess the ball more with quick passes to unlock the backline. It's not like the Barca defense is a complex bank vault...it's more like one of those luggage locks.

Madrid started off the match brilliantly but Barcelona turned up the intensity. A few instances where the pressure defense burns them and Madrid should give themselves a little bit of breathing room. Plus, the need to go back to Robben who was absolutely torching Abidal. Perhaps switching Robben to the left side to rein in Alves would work and Marcelo has good skill to hurt Abidal.

Barcelona for its part may not want to change a thing. Although, I think sitting back to support its defense a bit more might be warranted despite the success it reaped in the first half. But, you never really want to take your foot off the gas.

46:00 - Game on. Did you catch your breath? I haven't.

No lineup changes.

48:00 - The vampire with nifty footwork frees himself for a quality shot from 18 that splays wide right.

49:00 - Xavi on the corner won by Henry, headed clear by Gago.

52:00 - Robben goes to ground too easily and can't get the call on Puyol.

54:00 - Messi with a zig-zag run beats Metzelder but Messi runs out space and flashes it across the goal mouth...it was a difficult angle but Messi has already shown that is no obstacle for him today.

55:00 - Robben had Abidal beat but Valdes came way off his line, outside his box, to stop Robben who subsequently wins a free kick.

GOALLLLLL!!!!! RAMOS!!! 2-3.

Robben with a wonderous free kick delivered straight into the 6 and Ramos was unmarked and headed it in. This game is back on. Barca slowed up to start this half, but I imagine this will change that.

58:00 GOAL!!! HENRY!!!! 4-2 Barca.

Henry kept himself onside after a great ball from Xavi at midfield and then just had to beat Casillas who was charging out.

Van der Vaart Klaas Jan Huntelaar on for Marcelo.

59:00 - Messi misses a simple tap in wide somehow.

60:00 - Henry comes off and Ketia comes on.

65:00 - Robben with excellent control deep on the sideline, but Pique picks his pocket. Robben is now on the left side.

The match has finally taken a breather. So, now it's time for your public service announcement of the day. I just found out there is a class action lawsuit against Bluetooth manufacturers for hearing loss. Unfortunately, it's not one of the class actions that will get you 40 or 50 bucks for free from the settlement. I guess there is not enough money so they are just going to give it to a non-profit. If you don't opt out, you will be bound by the result and if you consequently suffer hearing loss because of a bluetooth headset you won't be able to recover.

69:00 - Van der Vaart warming up.

71:00 - Ketia falls right on top of Diarra.

Ramos off with Van der Vaart off. Interesting.

73:00 - Diarra gets away with a bad tackle in the box. Probably a penno. He should probably get a penalty just for changing his name to Lass.

Van der Vaart booked for a bad tackle on Alves.

75:00 - GOAL! Messi. 5-2 He beats Casillas near post after Messi received a return pass from Xavi that unlocked the defense. Just great, precise passing. Excellent.

79:00 - Robben off, Javi Garcia on. The wheels have come off this match. Madrid's tires were slashed and Barcelona I think just let some air out of their tires to deal with the bumpy terrain.

82:00 - GOAL!!! Pique. 6-2. Casillas made a great save but couldn't corral the ball and Pique picked it up and got the junk goal.

The fans are streaming out of the Bernabeu. No word whether Nives Celsius was seen on the roof.

85:00 - Iniesta and Toure off, Bojan and Busquets on.

This is really quite embarassing for Real Madrid. I'm sure there will be even more rumors that Ronaldo will be coming to the Spanish capital tomorrow and this week.

The La Liga title will undoubtedly return to Catalonia after a two year stay in Madrid after this thumping. Barca need only win one more match to clinch the title.

90:00 - No extra time despite 3 goals and several yellows in the second half. What a thumping. The first half was compelling but Madrid just couldn't contain the midfield and maintain possession. It's a pity there will be no more intrigue with the La Liga title this year. Madrid put up a good fight this season but to no avail.

Ray Hudson seems to think Chelsea are cowards for their choice of play this past week. I think Ray Hudson is an idiot.

Read more on "Live Blog: Real Madrid v. Barcelona"...

The Bootroom: El Clasico

I thought we were done making fun of the Chelsea kits, but I found this movie poster for the new Tron movie with the new Chelsea kits I had to share.

I was all set to write up a great intro for The Bootroom today but life got in the way. By the time this goes up, I will have driven to and from the airport three times in the last 12 hours. Stupid airlines.

Anyway, TFA blew out his knee last week playing soccer so now I can't play in my Saturday morning pickup games. That at least means I get to spend more time watching futbol on Saturday mornings. Hooray! I'll be sitting on the couch with my gimpy wheel propped up maybe enjoying some prescription drugs and watching the footie. Hop into the comments while you are enjoying the action.

There is a lot of important soccer to be played this weekend, but the biggie is El Clasico in Spain. Real Madrid are only 4 points back of Barcelona in the title race. Barcelona has a second leg CL semifinal against Chelsea mid-week and are nursing a number of injuries and bruises suffered at the hands of the London Blue Brutes. Most notably absent is center back Rafa Marquez.

Elsewhere, Manchester United has to figure out which players to rest for CL play while still fielding a team capable of beating Middlesbrough. So, Scousers you better pray extra hard because that ain't going to be tough.

TV Schedule for this weekend.

EPL

Saturday, May 2, 2009

7:45 ET Middlesbrough v Manchester United
10:00 ET Portsmouth v Arsenal
10:00 ET Stoke City v West Ham United
10:00 ET Tottenham Hotspur v West Bromwich Albion
10:00 ET Wigan Athletic v Bolton Wanderers
10:00 ET Chelsea v Fulham
10:00 ET Manchester City v Blackburn Rovers

Sunday, May 3, 2009

8:30 ET Liverpool v Newcastle United
11:00 ET Sunderland v Everton

Monday, May 4, 2009

15:00 ET Aston Villa v Hull City

Colaship - These are the only two matches that matter. Will Charlton pull another club down with them to League One with a victory, or can Norwich pull a Fulham?

Sunday
8:15 ET Charlton Athletic v Norwich City
8:15 ET Plymouth Argyle v Barnsley

La Liga

Saturday, May 2, 2009

14:00 ET Real Madrid v Barcelona
16:00 ET Numancia v Málaga
16:00 ET Villarreal v Sevilla FC

Sunday, May 3, 2009

11:00 ET Mallorca v Getafe
11:00 ET Racing Santander v Almeria
11:00 ET Sporting Gijon v Athletic Bilbao
11:00 ET Osasuna v Recreativo Huelva
11:00 ET Deportivo La Coruña v Valladolid
13:00 ET Espanyol v Valencia
15:00 ET Real Betis v Atlético Madrid

Bundesliga

Saturday, May 2, 2009

9:30 ET Karlsruhe v Energie Cottbus
9:30 ET Eintracht Frankfurt v Borussia Dortmund
9:30 ET Bayern Munich v Borussia Monchengladbach
9:30 ET Schalke 04 v Bayer Leverkusen
9:30 ET Arminia Bielefeld v VfB Stuttgart
9:30 ET VfL Wolfsburg v TSG Hoffenheim

Sunday, May 3, 2009

11:00 ET FC Cologne v Werder Bremen
11:00 ET Hamburg SV v Hertha Berlin

Serie A

Saturday, May 2, 2009

12:00 ET Bologna v Reggina
14:30 ET Internazionale v Lazio

Sunday, May 3, 2009

9:00 ET Udinese v Atalanta
9:00 ET Palermo v Cagliari
9:00 ET AS Roma v Chievo Verona
9:00 ET Juventus v Lecce
9:00 ET Catania v AC Milan
9:00 ET Siena v Napoli
9:00 ET Fiorentina v Torino
14:30 ET Genoa v Sampdoria

Read more on "The Bootroom: El Clasico"...

CL Open Thread: Ramos, Rafa, Ranieri and Roman. UPDATE

Good times in Spain

(Real quick... if you didn't see it earlier, check out that Terri Leigh interview below. It's a good 'un.)

UPDATE: One more thing... the US put their clocks forward ages before everyone else (I assume this was GWB's idea in order to fight terrorism with an extra hour of daylight or something), so we're in a holding pattern until 3.45. Even so... come insult me and your peers in the comments!

There's a reason we don't get paid to put out predictions, as evidenced by our performance two weeks ago when all these teams met the first time. We were bang on about there being a few close encounters, but alas, in the case of Sporting Lisbon, several UF pundits smelled an upset that simply wasn't there.

I mean, they could score 5 goals in Germany, right?

Thank the gods that the other three fixtures still have a frisson soupcon of intrigue to them.

LIVERPOOL v. REAL MADRID
Alright, so it may not have been pretty, but that's European football for you. Put all the continent's best teams together, and they're gonna give you a lesson in defense-first.

Rafa Benitez is no different, but shit, his system works. Despite being woeful in the league, he's managed Liverpool to a CL trophy in 2005, a runner-up medal in 2007, and a semi-final in 2008. What for 2009 is anyone's guess, but at home, with a lead and an away goal to protect, can there be any outcome that doesn't involve Liverpool's name in the hat for the next round?

Real may have attacking threats in Higuain, Guti and Robben, but they were collectively dire in the first leg (except for the meandering, aimless left-to-right dribbling power of the Dutch winger) and don't seem to enjoy facing actual defending, something La Liga isn't exactly known for.

Mark it down. LFC snooze into the quarter-finals with another cagey 1-0 win.

JUVENTUS v. CHELSHEA FSHEE
This is Juve's last chance at Champions League glory for a while, namely because their talisman Pavel Nedved is hanging up the boots at season's end, and there's really no-one to fill the void. Add to that an injury list including their best player this season, ex-Liverpool scapegoat-come-good Momo Sissoko, and it looks grim.

Under Hiddink, the Blues have magically unearthed some nice form, which is a euphemism for "the manager they didn't like has gone, so they're finally playing like they always could have, if they'd wanted to."

Playing away from home isn't always kind to Chelsea (see: 3-1 drubbing at AS Roma in the group stage), but there's honestly little in that Juventus lineup to trouble them. Honestly, who's going to do the scoring? The 77-year-old Del Piero? David "I fucked the coach's wife and now I can't get a game for France" Trezeguet? Vicenzo Iaquinta? Despite the fact that John Terry appears to be aging rapidly and defending like a pregnant teen, mark it down for a 1-1 draw.

BAYERN MUNICH v. SPORTING
Without embarrassing the lads further (u75 and Precious Roy), I think we can add the creaky, unfashionable Bundesliga side to the quarter-finals, right? Maybe they'll rest a few guys and give up a goal or two, but nothing that should trouble the aggregate score.

2-1 win for the Portuguese.

PANATHANAIKOS v. VILLAREAL
Not wishing to toot my own horn (except for that spot-on score prediction from the first leg), I still think the Greeks will bang this one out at home. It's an unforgiving place, football-wise, and you can bet their tails are up from the good result away from home. Plus, they're in good form at the moment (draw at Olympiakos, 3-0 win this past weekend), and with former Gooner Gilberto Silva patrolling the midfield, I fancy them to win, albeit with little flair.

I'm sticking with a 2-1 home win.

So there you have it. Stick around and berate me like you're from a Spurs message board. Your worst insults, please!

2.58pm: Instead of just harassing people, I figured I'd add the lineups as they trickle in. It'll only help cement my prediction skills.

LIVERPOOL v. REAL MADRID:
Liverpool: Reina, Arbeloa, Skrtel, Carragher, Aurelio, Alonso, Mascherano, Kuyt, Gerrard, Babel, Torres.
Subs: Cavalieri, Dossena, Hyypia, Lucas, Ngog, Spearing, Kelly.

Real Madrid: Casillas, Sergio Ramos, Cannavaro, Pepe, Heinze, Robben, Lassana Diarra, Gago, Sneijder, Raul, Higuain.
Subs: Dudek, Saviola, Marcelo, Guti, Metzelder, Miguel Torres, Van der Vaart.

Notes - Gerrard and Torres both pass fitness tests to get in the starting XI, and the only intrigue in that subs bench is whether oft-named Jay Spearing or Martin Kelly will ever get a minute of playing time.

Standard stuff from Real, and look to Juande Ramos to bring on every striker midway through the second half to prove once and for all that he's not got many good ideas.

JUVENTUS v. CHELSEA:
Juventus: Buffon, Chiellini, Mellberg, Iaquinta, Del Piero, Nedved, Trezeguet, Marchisio, Grygera, Molinaro, Tiago.
Subs: Manninger, Zebina, Salihamidzic, Amauri, Poulsen, Giovinco, Ariaudo.

Chelsea: Cech, Bosingwa, Alex, Terry, A Cole, Mikel, Essien, Ballack, Lampard, Anelka, Drogba.
Subs: Hilario, Carvalho, Malouda, Deco, Kalou, Belletti, Mancienne.

3.30pm:
More lineups.

BAYERN v. SPORTING:
Bayern Munich: Butt, Lell, Lucio, Van Buyten, Lahm, Schweinsteiger, Van Bommel, Ottl, Ze Roberto, Klose, Podolski.
Subs: Rensing, Oddo, Breno, Demichelis, Sosa, Muller, Yilmaz.

Sporting: Rui Patricio, Silva, Tonel, Anderson Polga, Veloso, Adrien Silva, Vukcevic, Bruno Pereirinha, Joao Moutinho, Derlei, Djalo.
Subs: Tiago, Caneira, Ronny, Abel, Daniel Carrico, Izmailov, Tiui.

Notes - nothing sporting about that Bayern lineup. Thanks folks, please tip your waitstaff.

PANATHANAIKOS v. VILLAREAL:
Panathinaikos: Galinovic, Nilsson, Vyntra, Sarriegi, Wawrzyniak, Silva, Simao, Karagounis, Gabriel, Salpingidis, Mantzios.
Subs: Tzorvas, David, Spiropoulos, Mattos, Christodoulopoulos, Ivanschitz, Rukavina.

Villarreal: Diego Lopez, Angel, Fuentes, Godin, Capdevila, Santi Cazorla, Senna, Eguren, Ibagaza, Rossi, Nihat.
Subs: Viera, Javi Venta, Cygan, Pires, Fernandez, Bruno, Llorente.

Read more on "CL Open Thread: Ramos, Rafa, Ranieri and Roman. UPDATE"...

UF POWER POLL - March 3, 2009

Looks like our animation here is something of a poison chalice... at least Barca is still in The Ten

After a 21-moon hiatus, the UF Power Poll returns today with some big changes and one glaring, red-faced constant. The worst we can say about Manchester United? They have conceded A GOAL (but not with van der Saar playing) and they did fail to do off with Spurs in 120 minutes (they waited to KICK ARSE in the shoot-out.) If they've suffered at all, it's by NOT notching that "precious away goal" at the San Siro. But we all knew this would be a tricky fixture. In theory, Jose and Co. have a decent chance at this. In theory. In practice, as much as soooome of us (self-included) can't stand it, Man U will probably win 2-0 at Old Trafford.

And what of Barca? Pep had sailed a near perfect course until the middle of February, but can he right the ship now? It's easy to dominate in the fall and winter, less so to recover as spring arrives. And then, before we get down to it, there's a certain well-known club from central Spain. They are called Real Madrid and they are led by one of the foremost managers in world football: Juande F#$%ckin' Ramos.

Dios Mio.

Here's the list-- with your Facebook votes lumped in!



1) Manchester United - 1.2 (last poll: 2nd place, 1.67 avg)

The Carling Cup winners tighten their death-grip on the top spot mostly thanks to Barca's freefall. It really wasn't a great two weeks by SAF's outsize standards. Like we mentioned, they should be expected to come through home to Inter, but would you be shocked if Mourinho snuck in there and managed a 1-1 (thus, sending the Mancs out on away goals)?? If Zlatan wants to stick it to his legion of English detractors, I believe this may be the time.


2) Real Madrid - 2.8 (4th, 4.00)

Probably the form club in European league play right now... maybe the best team on the continent if not for that Liverpool disaster. (It was an unlucky draw for Real, as Liverpool is probably the best team in Spain. Lingering should start a petition to move Los Rojos to La Liga. Surely they'd win a title there before the Premier League.) Still, the winning streak in the league is impressive, as is the way they're doing it. Ramos plays a style that might not win Europe, but is sure to make him a favorite at the Bernabeu. How man 6-0s did Don Capello manage during his title run?


3) Inter Milan - 2.9 (3rd, 3.67)

Draws with Torino and Roma in Italy have got to be frustrating, but would anyone like to bet on Juventus to overtake them? Think not. Another (real) Scudetto is in the offing and now it's all about the Champions League. Denying Man U that road goal was huuuuuge, obviously, and one can only imagine what Mourinho is cooking up for the trip north. His office is probably looking like the scene from A Beautiful Mind with Russel Crowe going apesh*t with the maps and magazine covers. Here's my hint, don't let Ronaldo alone with your left back.


4) Barcelona - 3.4 (1st, 1.33)

We're a fickle group over here-- the Facebook crew was more steady, placing these guys Second-- dropping the two-time leaders all the way down to the fourth slot. As we mentioned in the intro, Barcelona are in their first bad streak since Pep took over, so it remains to be seen if the mister can deal with a spot of failure. If they escape this Lyon mess, we'll still be rooting for that Barca - Man U final.


5) Juventus - 7.1 (unranked)

Juventus head up our Best of the Rest list. The latest challenger to Inter's reign of dominance in Serie A, they've had some...uhh... good luck (sound familiar?), but have also been fairly consistent in not losing. Though they did just that against Chelsea last week...

Wait, what are these guys doing so high up? I think we've been compromised. Someone here's on the take.


6) Hertha Berlin - 7.2 (unranked)

Oh, those wild and wacky Germans. Once again, this is the most competitive of the "big leagues" in Europe. Hertha are the newest leaders, overtaking UF men-crush Hoffenheim, Bayern Munich, Hamburg, etc... Led on the scoring sheet by Anfield Legend Andriy Voronin (7), with another win Hertha will exceed their point total from any of the past three seasons. Again, their inclusion is indicative of how sheisty the situation is after the Big Four.


7) Chelsea - 7.4 (unranked)

Sprechen die "Big Four," have Chelsea double-Dutched themselves back into League and European contention? Their season has gone from a Dutch Oven to a Bong and Blintz, Scmoke and a Pancake, in just a few weeks. Whether it's Guus, The New Manager Effect, or Drogba (the latter being the true path back to old glories), Chelsea have been solid of late, in that same unimpressive but dependable way to which we'd all grown so painfully accustomed. The real drama at Stamford Bridge has to be over Hiddink's future. Some rumblings about that he'd stay and offer up the Russkies to buddy Dick Advocaat. In the end, it's all up to Roman, of course. He may be out a bit of money, but the trigger-men are still on salary, so what the Boss says still goes.

8) Olympique Lyonnais - 8.0 (unranked)

How happy are Lyon supporters to know that Fred is finally out of town? (If you're there, Lyon fans, pray tell.) He was a significant part of their incredible run, but really, it's enough. Back to the football-- they were shockingly good against an admittedly struggling Barca side. Still, Barca is Barca and with Benzema in the attack, anything is possible. Including a long sought-after trip to the CL quarterfinals.

Yea, and they're going win in France, again-again-again-again-again-again-again. (The only way they don't is by knocking off Barcelona and losing focus on the league. Something I doubt would upset our Lyon fan. Où êtes-vous?)


9) AZ Alkmaar - 8.1 (unranked)

These dutch bastards just. will. not. lose. After dropping the first two, AZ have gone unbeaten for the better part of six months. And they're doing it with clean sheets and a bit of style. We also thank them for dispatching of any "Look, Steve McCLaren is about to lead Twente to the Dutch title" stories. That would've been bad for everyone... English fans and the people who care about them... the proud history of Dutch Football (David Winner would've crawled into a kiln)... so on...

10) Liverpool - 11.7 (5th, 5.78)

Not much to say here that hasn't already been said. Back to their old tricks. Had a little flirt with the Premier League, then remembered they are not, in fact, an English football team. Hey, I'd love for Spurs to have their problems... but not that manager. Rafa has a fantastic record, no debate, but they will never win the Premier League with him. See: article from yesterday's Guardianas proof.

Per Autoglass: stammering in mock shock-- "This is remarkable. Umm, an injured striker? Who could plan for such a scenario? Why, one might have to keep an extra proven striker around just in case..."

Dropped - Aston Villa, TSG Hoffenheim, Bayern Munich, AC Milan, AS Roma

In the mix - FC Porto, PSG, Celtic

Not in the mix- Arsenal (no votes)

Read more on "UF POWER POLL - March 3, 2009"...

CL Liveblog: cometh the Tinkerhour, cometh the Tinkerman

Allow me to set the mood for Precious Roy, who shall be doing us all a solid by covering the afternoon's "big" fixture on ESPN2, the one that inexplicably involves Spartak London.

As Autoglass intoned earlier, they're up against the good manager they had before Mourinho, so respect and adulation will be in full effect (until Juve score an away goal, that is).

Will an English side come off good against Serie A yet again?

Oh, and in that other fixture, the failed ex-Spurs manager welcomes the failing Liverpool manager (soon to be ex? Surely not) to the Bernabeu for what promises to be a gripping, thrilling 0-0 draw.

It's the Champions League, take 2. After yesterday, we'll take all the goals we can get.

Fixtures, lineups and Precious Roy's commentary (from kick-off through to the bitter end) after the jump.

LINEUPS FOR THOSE GAMES WE'RE INTERESTED IN

Real Madrid v. Liverpool
Real Madrid: Casillas, Sergio Ramos, Pepe, Cannavaro, Heinze, Robben, Gago, Lassana Diarra, Marcelo, Higuain, Raul.
Subs: Dudek, Saviola, Sneijder, Guti, Metzelder, Miguel Torres, Van der Vaart.

Liverpool: Reina, Arbeloa, Skrtel, Carragher, Aurelio, Benayoun, Alonso, Mascherano, Riera, Torres, Kuyt.
Subs: Cavalieri, Dossena, Hyypia, Gerrard, Babel, Lucas, Ngog.
---
Spartak London v. Juventus
Spartak (in a 4-1-2-3): Cech, Bosingwa, Terry, Alex, Ashley Cole, Kalou, Ballack, Lampard, Mikel, Drogba, Anelka.
Subs: Hilario, Ivanovic, Mancienne, Ferreira, Malouda, Di Santo, Stoch.

Juventus (in a catenaccio-inducing 4-4-2): Buffon, Chiellini, Mellberg, Legrottaglie, Molinaro, Nedved, Camoranesi, Sissoko, Tiago, Del Piero, Amauri.
Subs: Manninger, Grygera, Marchionni, Poulsen, Marchisio, Iaquinta, Trezeguet.

And we're live... Okay, someone at ESPN got my note about the weenie techno music. It's gone. Instead our montage features someone who just discovered Trapcode's 'Shine' plug-in. Everything in moderation there, boys.

Oh, and can I add another ESPN-specific comment? Hey guys, go fuck yourselves. All Chelski, all United. It's what we can expect when the 4-letter gets the Prem rights. Not that this is a bad match, but I think the Liverpool v. Real match-up holds a little more intrigue for the impartial fan.

Oh fuck, the crawl is running something called a "Tiger Alert." Big fucking deal. It's golf. The ball isn't moving. Nobody is trying to prevent him from hitting it. If they break the full screen picture at any point to tell me about fucking Tiger Woods I am going to drive to Bristol and vandalize their bike rack.

Secret: I want Del Piero to get a brace. I love that guy. Donadoni lost his job because he didn't love that guy.

The Portabook is the new Sham Wow! Discuss.

NY Kid: You're French, I'm Italian. I think they fully explains our positions on the matter.

Our ref is a Portuguese insurance broker.

Jesus, Juve is as old as Chelsea, aren't they?

Kick

And we're off...

1st minute: Think the ball has hit the ground 3 times in the first 30 seconds.

2nd minute: The mids are jamming each other. Neither team has seen the other's attacking third.

3rd minute: Chelski finally get a deep throw in, but Bosingwa puts too much weight on it and Juve shields it out for a goal kick.

4th minute: Amauri with a nice turn to get some space, but Terry cuts him off and Chelsea come back the other way. Kalou with a shot that is handled by Buffon.

5th minute: Shit... I'm going to have to type Cameronesi a bunch today aren't I? I always fuck it up. I'm sure it's wrong there. He committed a foul anyway.

6th minute: How many times are they going to mention Terry's miss from last season? Juve moving deliberately.

7th minute: Chelsea waste a chance. Chiellini makes a mistake but the deep cross is cleared out, only to be picked up by Ballack who sends it high and wide and nowhere near a threat.

8th minute: Oooh... Bosingwa from the end line with a cross that finds Drogba on the head. Could have easily scored but it goes high and Juve dodge a bit of a buller. First real threat of the match.

10th minute: First bench shot of Guus. Spartak with the balance of possession here. But they are backing up.

11th minute: Long ball in by Terry and on contact Drogba goes down. No penalty. That could have gone either way. There was contact, but Drogba went down too easily.

12th minute: Free kick, Chelski. Lamps kicks it to the... Goal! 1-0 Chelsea.

Okay, the free kick went to the feet of Cameronesi, but Juve didn't clear. Kalou collected it from about 35 out and made a nice feed to Drogba slipping through the defense. Juve held up like he was offsides but nope. He slipped it past Buffon and we're 1-0.

14th minute: Sorry, right on the goal, blogger wants to be slow to load the updated page.

15th minute: Could be 2-0. Okay, Anelka gets in on the left. Mellberg blocks the low shot out ofr a corner. On the corner Drogba gets free and unmarked gets a good header on it that just goes wide of the post left. He could have just as easily buried that. Juve getting toyed with.

17th minute: Juve look like Inter did yesterday in the first have. At least they have the excuse of being on the road.

19th minute: Juve just look lost in the midfield. And their backline is going to get caught pushing high before too long. Showing the replay on the Drogba goal. It was close, but the ref let it go. Sissoko on the other end takes a shot but it never is near on goal sliding low and right and away from danger.

20th minute: Frank makes a shoe change on the fly.

21st minute: Juve almost string together 4 passes. Almost.

22nd minute: Cole with a ball to Ballack but they are on the wrong page and the ball rolls to Buffon. Tommy Smyth just asked "Where's Del Piero?" Oh, and Tiago with a pass to Del Piero almost on cue. It's a good shot that goes just wide of the far post low.

23rd minute: And Juve blows the chance to level on the resulting corner. The ball clears the mass of humanity in the box and falls to Chiellini on the groud at the back post. But he's off balance and can't get a foot it. No soup for him.

24th minute: Juve have shown up finally. Shot (can't see who) sent a rocket that was deflected out for a Juve corner. Terrible corner goes long to Nedved who should have been carded for an intentional hand ball. But no...

26th minute: Some nice work from Drogba in a 1-on-2. He holds it up waiting for Lampard, but Mellberg gets a nice header on it to clear the threat. Good stuff from both teams now as Juve go forward and Chelsea counter.

27th minute: Cech punches out a Juve corner. Ball comes back it. Kalou chases it to midfield but Juve kepp it. And Cole fouls Cameronesi. Juve in the game now.

28th minute: Nice turn by Del Piero to get space. But his shot is maybe one of the 12 worst ever taken in football. Don't think he even hit the corner flag on the far side.

30th minute: Every time Chelsea get a dead ball, Blogger doesn't want to respond to my mouse clicks. Anyway, Spartak wasted a free kick from about 35. It went into the wall.

My clock disappeared so I don't know what minute it is. Nice work ESPN.

32nd minute: Chiellini doing his best to keep the ball in his own end. Spartak with a corner of a deflected shot. Juve's marking and clearance off of corners is really, really bad. Tottenham-esque.

33rd minute: And off another corner there is danger for Juve. But Terry's header is weak and goes right to Buffon. Just an aside... Roman should get wages back from Drogba for the last 6 months of the season because the guy out there today proves that the guy out there before today wasn't giving shit for an effort.

35th minute: Nice touch by Amauri to feed Nedved and Nedved goes down on almost no contact to waste the threat. Ballack gives it back... but Cole steals it and there should have been a foul as he hacked Sissoko. Instead Chelski play it around the Juve box. A couple of nice passes until Juve can get it to play it out. Sissoko still down.

38th minute: Sissoko up and we play on...

39th minute: Chelski holding possession. Some really nice touch passing almost gives a streaking Drogba a shot. Instead the danger is turned away. Cole should get a yellow for hacking Del Piero but he doesn't. Cunt. Cole that is.

41st minute: Chelsea owning possession. Kalou takes the ball on the right and drives deep. He gets a low cross off but it's too deep and collected by Buffon.

42nd minute: Nedved with a weak shot after a bad clearance by Bosingwa. It rolls to Cech and we play on...

43rd minute: Bosingwa trips Nedved. That might have been a card. And now we've got a late but accurate whistle for a hand ball on Drogba. Juve with a free kick from about 22 out.

45th minute: Del Piero kicks it right into the two man wall. Derrick Rae jinxed him by calling Del Piero a 'free kick master' right when he took it. Dick.

1 minute of stoppage time.

+1 minute: Nedved wins a corner and takes it quickly. Cech comes out to make the save. And it's a decent one as there were unmarked Juve players waiting for it.

Half.

And it's another montage with too much of the Shine plug-in. Good to give your video 101 interns a run out. It's the Champions League, how about putting 1/100th the resources to it that you do to trailing A-Rod or Brady?

Unbelievably Juve actually have more possesion. Really?

The more I hear Tommy Smyth, the less I care for him. He was conviced that the goal was the work of Ballack. All he did was gather the deflection and feed it to the top of the box. It wasn't even a good pass. Kalou did all the work to make space and feed Drogba. I don't even have a European accent and I could see that.

Second Half

Kick

46th minute: Good start from Chelsea. Juve can't clear and from 30 out front Ballack fires one that goes wide right.

47th minute: Quickly back the other way and Del Piero's low shot is blocked out by Alex for a Juve corner. Cleared but not out. It comes back in and a header is sent out for another Juve corner.

48th minute: Cameronesi's corner is low and short and toe punched back toward midfield. Sissoko wins a footrace and Juve tunr it back upfield.

49th minute: Nedved with space outside the box takes a long shot with little on it that was never going to bother Cech. That was a bit of a waste. Pavel, don't be a hero.

50th minute: A great cross from Bosingwa finds a streaking Drogba who turns it toward goal with great power but it's wide right. Nice work between the two. Both the feed and the work by Drogba. Cameronesi is grabbing his hammy. Uh oh... Got a change coming for Juve if they can get someone up and ready.

52nd minute: Molinaro gets a yellow. Totally earned. Late and high and studs up he stepped on Mikel. Marchionni on for Cameronesi.

54th minute: Drop ball. Not sure why. Thought Alex fouled someone. Huh...

55th minute: Drogba in the box. Cheillini with the challenge. He barely gets near him and Down Goes Didier, Down Goes Didier... No call. And no call was the right call. Drogba pitches a fit.

56th minute: Juve a bit sloppy. But Chelsea can't take advantage. Cole takes down Del Piero. No call.

57th minute: Chelsea corner: Lampard. Juve can't clear it. After some slop it finds Lampard who kicks it to Buffon. Ballack cleats Nedved in the knee as things were headed the other way and he gets a yellow for that foul.

59th minute: Terry with a push. Nice job. Free kick to Juve from 45.

60th minute: And Cech makes a mess of it almost to the point of getting a penalty as he took out Amauri(I think). That was really bad by Cech. Tiago looks hurt no, so he's coming off after a collision with one of his own players. Despite looking less crisp, Juve not without chances.

62nd minute: Marchionni with a blast that goes past the far post by just a couple of feet. More pressure from Juve.

64th minute: Juve with more possession. But not pressing much with it. Long ball goes to Cech harmlessly and he collects it.

65th minute: For someone on a yellow, Ballack, that's a fucking stupid foul. You got zero ball and all ankle.

66th minute: All kinds of space for the kids in blue, but Kalou is offside.

67th minute: Chelsea is starting to look a step slower, but Juve doing nothing to take advantage. Kalou offsides again. Flag was slow to go up.

68th minute: Amauri's header falls to Nedved who takes another shitty shot. Marchionni gets it back in to the box twice. The second feed goes toward the top of the box but Del Piero can't get to it to keep the pressure on for Juve.

70th minute: Kalou with a cross into the box. Drogba was free but the ball went right to Buffon.

72nd minute: Sorry, after a crowd shot of Bob Geldof's doppelganger I made a joke that blogger didn't like so it fed me a few errors. We missed a Juve corner and Amauri just made a run in deep on the right. Alex cleared it for a corner.

Oh and Malouda came on for Kalou.

74th minute: Bosingwa with a low cross in punhced away. Mikel gets in on Amauri and it's a free kick to Juve.

75th minute: That last bit probably didn't make sense. Mikel fouled Amauri... Chelsea on a break. Anelka chips it from the center to Malouda. It goes off him and past the end line. Goal kick taken by Buffon.

77th minute: Ballack with a second bit of play that was kind of rought for someone on a yellow. Didn't even draw a look from the ref though. Alex fouls Amauri and the ball goes of Ballack who appears to be giving a bear hug to someone. Really, let me say this a 3rd time because he's not playing like someone on a yellow.

78th minute: Sissoko splits two Chelsea defenders, gets taken down and earns a free kick. Del Piero has been shite on the free kicks. Flag was up anyway.

80th minute: Cole with a great ball to Lampard. He picks out Anelka on the right who crosses it in. Bad job by Le Sulk. Drogba was open but the ball missed him by plenty.

Mancienne in for Chelsea. Ballack off. Good move by Guss. Ballack is tired and he's playing reckless on a yellow.

82nd minute: Yellow for Sissoki. Deserved. He chopped someone... could tell because I was checking out the comments where I got shredded for picking Sporting against Munich. Drogba again takes a dive. Chiellini got him shoulder to shoulder. Was probably a bit of a risk, but that wasn't a PK's worth.

84th minute: So, 180 minutes of liveblogging and I'm going to get 1 fucking goal for my efforts. Thanks Champions League. What the fuck...

Also, is someone else cleaning up behind me and editing? I keep getting duplicate edit errors.

86th minute: Trezeguet on. Sissoko off.

87th minute: Oooh... Anelka from way out almost beats Buffon to the far post. THat was a rocket from about 25-plus. Really, nice by Le Sulk. Then on the other side Trezeguet can't get a good foot on it from the edge of the box. Both teams with chances. Still 1-0.

88th minute: I'm going with Nedved and Amauri as the biggest disappoitments of the match. Nedved's work rate has been good, but his touches have been disastrous. Juve chasing the game. Drogba with a ball from Lamps and he gets in the box and he doesn't go down. That's a mild surprise.

90th minute: Marchisio with an easy yellow on an intentional hand ball to stop a Chelsea break as Juve are pushing people forward.

Three minutes of stoppage time.

90 +2: Chelsea playing possession. Nice work by Amauri to keep the ball for Juve. They earn a free kick.

Juve get two good balls in the air but can't get a head on the end of eithe one. Nervy moments for Chelsea, then they break and have the advantage... It's snuffed out. Second left.

Oh, and Nedved with a deflected ball that JUST misses the right post. Then the ref fucking blows the call and gives a goal kick to Chelski. How did they not see the deflection of Alex. Juve robbed of at least a corner. Almost disaster as it was as Nedved's shot went just wide.

Full time. Spartak London 1 - Juventus 0

Read more on "CL Liveblog: cometh the Tinkerhour, cometh the Tinkerman"...