Oh dear, poor John Mikel Obi Mikel John John Obi Mikel

Mikel laughs at the crumpled wreckage once known as Phil Neville

Trying frantically to deputize for the injured Michael Essien is enough to drive anyone to drink, and the gargantuan task finally drove poor Mikel John Obi over the limit. Well, he drove his car over the legal limit, and the police did the rest.

From the Guardian:

The 21-year-old Nigerian was stopped by police at 5.30am on Saturday after being seen driving his Range Rover "erratically" near the club's ground in London's Fulham Road. Hours later his team beat Ipswich 3-1 at Stamford Bridge, although Mikel was not part of the match-day squad.

Mikel, who lives in Weybridge, Surrey, and reportedly earns £40,000 a week, has since been charged with driving while over the drink-drive limit and will appear in court in April. He faces a year's driving ban or a jail term if the offence is deemed exceptionally serious.

It's not as awful as the infamous Stevie G/iPod punch-up, but even so. With erratic driving like this, it's no wonder he can't handle the midfield at Stamford Bridge.

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Sydney Govou Does Not Deal Well With Draws

Because it's French vodka, see?

After the nil-nil draw with Olympique de Marseille, Ligue 1 leaders Olympique Lyon were slightly upset that they had failed to take all 3 points and increase their lead over their 2nd-place rivals. Apparently, French international Sydney Govou took it harder than most, as he was arrested for drunk-driving later that night.

"A test showed the striker had 2.6 grammes of alcohol per litre of blood, which is more than five times over the French legal limit of 0.5 grammes."

Do your own conversions - either way he was 5x over the limit! Govou's license was immediately taken, meaning that he had to take a cab to training this morning.

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Deco's drunk-driving exploits

Cheers to Bigus Dickus for more Photoshop magic.

Thanks to the magic of late reporting, we learn that Barcelona's midfield marauder Deco got busted for drunk-driving almost 2 weeks ago.

He was pulled over while driving in the city, and thanks to La Vanguardia, it is reported that he blew a .35, far above the .25 limit.

Impressive work, sir.

While I imagine that playing in the Nou Camp with all superstars is an intoxicating experience, I had no idea it would translate to this.

What's the punishment? A fine of up to $886 and a three-month suspension on his license.

Maybe Ronaldinho can drive him to work until this matter blows over.

After the jump, some video highlights of Deco [and no, none of them involve him driving].

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