Do Not Let Lampard's Ex Invest Your Money

Lampard's ex-fiance Elen Rives didn't spend much time on the market before moving along on a Bosman. She's been spotted dating Lawrie Wilson, a utility player earning £500 a week with non-league side Stevenage Borough.

That's a nice step down from the £150,000 that Lampard was pulling per week at Chelsea.

But now, Rives gets to be something better. No, not poor. She gets to be a Cougar (Rives is 34, Wilson is 21). Oh and a homewrecking one at that.

Apparently Wilson had a girlfriend when he hooked up with Rives. The girlfriend found out the old fashion way, by spotting the couple together in the papers. Awesome. Doesn't Wilson fucking Twitter? Seriously, dude, they are way more modern ways to spinelessly dump your girlfriend so you can upgrade.

The Sun has a fun little graphic to show the downgrade in lifestyle Rives must be incurring, but they also point out that Wilson's family has swank digs. All of this is in the Sun, so the only thing we're willing to say is bankable is the fact that the shirt sponsor of Stevenage sells 'Lamps.'

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How to re-anger a fanbase

DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SCREEN. THIS IS A TEST. THIS IS ONLY A TEST.

Displaying the kind of wisdom one would expect, England's Boring John Terry and Frank Lampard have agreed in principle to play in a testimonial match this summer. Oh, and they'll be playing this testimonial for a West Ham XI at Upton Park.

Common sense never was part of the footballer's skill set, was it?

The testimonial is for Hammers Academy Director Tony Carr, the man who nurtured both EBJT and Franky during their slimmed-down formative years. Lamps was a Hammer until 2001, while Terry trained there but never signed on, opting to join Chelsea at age 14 instead.

And now, presuming that the deep-lying scars of their traitorous London switch are fully healed, they'll both pitch up for the charity game.

Of course, for those of us with memories, just this past weekend the Blues endured a volley of abuse at Upton Park, so much so that Terry piped up to defend Lamps from the torment to which they were both subjected. And these remarks were just 2 days ago!

Don't get me wrong, it's a lovely gesture from the pair to acknowledge the importance of Carr in their footballing development, but it's also incredibly naive to think that playing 90 minutes at 1/2 pace in the Hammers kit will quell all the bad blood and backstabbing they've doled out to West Ham over the years from across London.

We'll now wait and see whether they follow-through with it, or whether they'll snap the hearts of Hammers fans and management for the 1,957,607th time this century.

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Didn't Think I Was Listening Did You? Well I wasn't...But My Sister Was.

Oh Friday fun. This is just great. So LBC Radio host James O'Brien is having a chin-wag on his show. Discussing the topical stories of the day. He decides to have a pop at Frank Lampard. You see, he'd read a story in the papers of how Franks ex and his daughters are living in a small flat while Lamps is living it up in his fancy 8.5 million pound town house, rolling around the night spots with his new bird. O'Brien decides to run with it, calling "men who let their children live in inferior circumstances, scum!"

Well, Frank's sister was listening and let me tell you, she was none too impressed. Soon after, Frank is on the phone to the radio station to give Mr O'Brien a piece of his mind.

The phone call. After the jump.



FL: Hallo.

SIS: Frankie babes, some dinlow on LBC been gibbering about how you are a bad dad n' that. Talkin about you dumping Elen and flaunting whatserface all over tahhhhhhhn while the kids live in a small flat.

FL: He's been saying what?

SIS: He called you scum Frank.

FL: Right, get his number naaaaaaaawwwww.

BRIIIIIINNNNGGGG BRRRRRIIING.

Totty at the desk: L.B.C How can I direct your call?

FL: It's Frank Lampard, some plum on the radio right now is calling me scum. Put him on.

TATD: Oh goodness, oh my, oh...Hold please.

Commercial about stair lifts playing...'Is it that time. Sick of falling down the stairs 19 times a week'... (Sorry, got carried away)

JO: Hello.

TATD: You ain't never gonna believe this James. Frank bleedin Lampard is on the blower and wants to talk to you.

JO: Oh Shit..F*#k...Guess you'd better put im on then.



Lampard continued to put O'Brien right...

"I have to wake up and listen to idiots like you say, I read this' and this is what he's doing' and it's wrong. I put up with it and keep my mouth shut. The only reason I rang you is because my sister is distressed and as I said, it's the anniversary of my mum's death. Do you think my sister needs to hear idiots like you saying that on the radio station?"

Good for you Frank! Didn't Mr O'Brien learn that you never believe what you read in the papers!

********UPDATE********
Full call now available HERE.

-Bigus

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