South America and the Neverending Quest for Crazy

Okay, this is a week old but we've been largely consumed with the Confederations Cup. However, when it comes to South America and crazy there is no such thing as shelf life.

And the Argies are making a nice push to take the crown of crazy from its current holders in Peru.

You might remember when we told you about how rival gangs broke into mini-riot mode when their busses passed each other on the way to their respective matches. That totally makes sense. You see your enemy you attack them. It's Pavlovian, or Skinnerian. Whichever means you can't help yourself.

Well it seems waiting around for an adversary is now asking too much for Argentine soccer fans.

Argentina's chronic soccer violence flared up again on Sunday when fans of title favourites Huracan clashed and left two dead and two badly injured, hospital sources said on Monday.

Nothing out of the ordinary there.... Until we reach the next sentence:

Fighting among rival factions of fans of the same team began at halftime in their 3-0 home win over Arsenal and, with many brandishing guns and knives, worsened in the streets around the stadium in Parque Patricios after the match.

Rival factions of the same team? Jesus what is wrong with you people? I mean I once got in an argument with a guy over who was a bigger Replacements fan, and it ended in shots. But they were shots of tequila not lead.

We don't want to make too much light as there were two fatalities, but really, upping the ante on crazy in South America shouldn't veer into bloodsport territory. According to the manager of the hospital where the wounded were taken, the fighting continued all the way to the hospital where staff was heard gunshots.

Jesus people, the way you like to fight you think you might have done a better job defending the Falklands.

Perú's response? Some tepid petty thievery.

Read more on "South America and the Neverending Quest for Crazy"...

Let Sleeping Refs Lie

Ol' Pierluigi would NEVER stand for this

Some things in football are essential; you need players, a ball, some kind of goals, and finally, a guy who tries ill-advised bicycle kicks on any waist-high ball that comes his way. Also, some sort of officials would be nice, and the 1,000+ who turned up for an Argentine Third Division match between Alumni de Villa Maria and Racing de Cordoba were primed for the match.

Only problem is, they forgot to organize a referee.

From the report:

A club official said referee Ariel Montero was sleeping at his home, nearly 600 kilometres away, when worried colleagues called him two hours before kick off to ask his whereabouts.

"The linesmen were in the hotel and Montero hadn't arrived and so they started to get worried," Alumni president Guillermo Morelatto said in a radio interview. "They called his house and he didn't know anything. He was sleeping. Apparently, the Council (championship organisers) said that they hadn't told him. The assistants spoke to him and he said he hadn't been told. There was a mix-up."

Nice work, fellas! Naturally, one of the clubs wouldn't accept a replacement, and because local police were unwilling to delay kick-off for Montero's late arrival, the match was called off, leaving 1,000 fans disgruntled, angry and confused (we're just waiting for the related "Riots break out at canceled Third Division match" headline later today).

So next time, remember: if you're running a soccer league, make sure your games have referees. It's what separates us from the animals.

Read more on "Let Sleeping Refs Lie"...

Dios Mio, Diego

For those who enjoy schadenfreude, peep the latest chapter in Diego Maradona's managerial adventures: a 6-1 defeat in Bolivia, their worst defeat since a 5-0 pasting to the Colombians back in 1993.

On the bright side, at least no-one got hurt, right?

Vids and more after the jump.


1st Half


2nd Half


It was an ugly game for the Argies, who clearly failed to adjust to both the stifling thin air up there in La Paz, but to the new formation Maradona's been trying recently.

As Tim Vickery gushed over at the BBC, Diego's got the Albicelestes trying to run a 3-4-3 in a bid to keep all his strikers and attacking midfielders happy. When you're blessed with a front line of Tevez, Diego's son-in-law Aguero, and Messi, you do what you need to do. Add to that the raw talents of Ezequiel Lavezzi, and there's a logjam of strikers.

Against Bolivia, he ran a limp 4-4-2, changing everything entirely from the win over Venezuela; with the creaking veteran duo of Zanetti and Heinze at the back with newcomer Emiliano Papa comically holding down the middle (I'd mention Demichelis, but what's the point?), they got stomped.

It didn't matter that Gago and Mascherano both started in central midfield and tried to assert their good cop/bad cop routine (one leadeth the attack, the other taketh away), for they were overrun from the get-go. The goalie is new, the formations are new, and they're at a crossroads.

With all the changes and tactical "innovations", it all comes back to one thing: Maradona is about as good at managing a soccer team as he is at managing his drug addictions and violent temper.

They're lacking an identity and a style, looking more like a haphazard collective of individuals than anything remotely resembling a team, and it comes down to Maradona's inability to forge some continuity from the many talents his country is producing.

Said the tubby one, in typical florid style: "I suffered with them. Every Bolivia goal was a stab in my heart. If we had dreamed this was going to happen before the game, we would have thought it was impossible."

Sincere or not, something needs to change. For those of us that enjoy seeing the Argies falter, let's hope things stay just the way they are.

Read more on "Dios Mio, Diego"...

In Argentina This is a Documentary

Oh, South America, what would we do if you didn't raise crazy to a new level on almost a weekly basis?

More than 100 fans were involved in a riot four hours before Sunday's Boca Juniors' kick at the Bombonera.

Okay, rioting bad. But, eh, not completely out of character for South American fans. But Boca fans didn't clash with their opposition, Argentinos Juniors. They fought amongst themselves.

From the Guardian: "It was the second successive week that rival factions of [Boca's supporters group] The 12 have fought before a game. Last week, dozens were arrested during a pitched battle before the game away to Independiente."

Among the wounded? A 55-year-old man, and an 85-year-old woman. The latter was hit in the leg... with a bullet, while the former—and here's where this gets substantially less funny—suffered a serious head wound.

But Argentinos Juniors fans were not without their own action if Boca fans didn't want to riot with them. No, they fought with Racing fans even though they were involved in seperate matches. Buses carrying supporters of the respective teams crossed paths in Buenos Aires so rival fans took the opportunity to stone each others' buses.

Argentina, it's like South America wanted it's own Ohio, only burning furniture wasn't quite good enough.

Read more on "In Argentina This is a Documentary"...

Hail the birth of Agueradona

Not Mrs. Maradona, and obviously not the baby. But still, look what he has to look forward to!

Let's all take a moment on this chilly Friday to hail the arrival on earth of what could well be the next Maradona, but considering the odds, will probably be just another human being in a desk job, or something far worse. Whatever he does in later life, you can bet soccer blogs, or whatever information-sharing technology we use in 20-odd years, will be following him closely.

Sergio Aguero's son was born yesterday, little Benjamin Aguero [The Offside went with Maraguero, whereas I fancy Agueradona. Personal taste, you know], and the mother is Maradona's daughter. You know the rest.

And so, we celebrate with a video of each player below the jump, to spark the imagination regarding the coked-up, temperamental goalscoring we might soon expect from this innately blessed child.

Welcome to earth, Benji. And remember: no pressure whatsoever.

Read more on "Hail the birth of Agueradona"...

South American Soccer is Crazy, Pt. 2,109,111

Yep, it's their real logo. Honest.

It's Argentina's turn, thanks to some feisty barras bravas who'd had enough of the recent turmoil and leadership shake-ups at Newell's Old Boys, one of the country's most popular clubs.

It appears that their own fans had endured enough, and decided to vent in the best way possible: an old-fashioned riot!

From Reuters via The Guardian:

The gang, numbering around 30 and armed with guns and baseball bats, were believed to belong to a faction of the Rosario-based club's own supporters, officials added. Twenty-one people were arrested.

Newell's treasurer Jorge Ricobelli told local media that the gang burst into administrative officers at the club's Parque Independencia stadium where new members were enrolling.

They then moved on to the barbecue area and a covered gymnasium, forcing members to leave, vandalising property and firing shots at a tree and a water tank, reports said.

Man, imagine if this happened across the EPL. There are plenty of clubs that could benefit from some vandalism and trespassing. Here's looking at you, Liverpool, Chelsea, Tottenham Hotspur, Newcastle United, Portsmouth, and West Ham.

The old tactics of marching before kick-off, or staying in the stands after full-time to chant and wave banners just aren't cutting it anymore. No, if fans want their voice heard, you need to invade the barbecue area and fire shots at trees.

A valuable lesson from the die-hard fans of Newell's Old Boys.

Read more on "South American Soccer is Crazy, Pt. 2,109,111"...

Argentines Wouldn't Make Good Dodger Fans

Premise 1: People in Argentina love soccer.

Premise 2: Many people in Argentina are dependent on public transportation.

Connclusion: It's perfectly okay for Argentines to hijack a bus to make it to a soccer game.

See, when you lay it out like that, it makes total sense.

Anyway, fans of Argentina second-division side Chacarita Juniors hijacked two public buses on Thursday and forced the drivers to take them to the team's game. Oh Chacarita Juniors why can't you be less impulsive and more responsible like the elder Chacarita Seniors?

Police official Carlos Durante said that in two separate incidents in Buenos Aires on Thursday night, Chacarita Juniors supporters forced passengers to get off the vehicles and told the drivers to take them to the stadium where their side were playing Talleres.

Whoa, whoa... Slow down there, Tex. Two separate incidents? Really? Okay, I was totally willing to give a pass—I mean look, if this were Manchester and supporters were having problems getting to, say, the United v. Citeh derby, nobody would think this wasn't a completely practical solution—but two totally different groups of supporters? I have no response other than to tip my hat and say, "Well played."

Apparently sociopathic minds also think alike. If I ever find myself in your fine country, I'll make sure I keep a plan B for transport at all times, just in case there is, you know, a lower-division soccer game being played somewhere.

Anyway, seventy people were detained and at least two were still in custody on Friday. They missed seeing Chacarita pull out a 3-2 win against Talleres.

Read more on "Argentines Wouldn't Make Good Dodger Fans"...

Argentine defender giving it too much lip

Look at them smackers!

Conjecture or not, stories alleging plastic surgery and cosmetic enhancement for footballers are always welcome around here. I must admit I was surprised that the recipient of such treatments was not Cristiano Ronaldo. He must get those synthetic looks naturally, then.

No, this concerns a defender of the Argentine persuasion, Bayern Munich marauder Martin Demichelis, and his fondness for Botox.


According to the Daily Mail, bastion of all that is factual and un-sensationalized in the world, a leading South American cosmetic surgeon has outed Demichelis as a frequent benefactor of the lip-numbing treatment normally used by ladies to acquire the DSLs (although they don't know it yet).

Cristian Perez Latorre, the surgeon in question, was concise: "Demichelis is a footballer I have worked on. He injects Botox into his lips before games. He wants to look good."

Simple enough, although Demichelis was quick to scoff at the rumours: "It's laughable. I don't have an earring, any piercings or tattoos. And yet I am supposed to be using Botox?"

I'm sure it's a simple mix-up. The German newspaper Bild that initially broke the story believes that it could be slanderous revenge for comments Demichelis' girlfriend made about Latorre and his sub-standard surgery performed on a mutual friend, so there's your conspiracy theory right there.

Either way, true or false, the notion is hilarious. A footballer with puffed-up lips? John Terry might benefit from such a service before his next attempt to kiss up to the referee.

John Terry, are you interested?

Read more on "Argentine defender giving it too much lip"...

Thoughts on Maradona

Alright, so we're all a little excited and frightened about the news that Diego Maradona might well become the next manager of Argentina. How on earth did this happen? It's a perplexing announcement, to say the least. We kicked it around this morning, and after the jump, a few thoughts from everyone on surely the best managerial rumour in years.

Bigus Dickus:
The appointment of Maradona is a disgrace. The man is a cheat. He believes cheating is part of the game and that it should be encouraged under the name of "cheekiness". He should have been banned after the 'hand of god' incident in 1986, as he robbed 52 million people in that game and instead he was celebrated. Says a lot for the people of Argentina. That incident ruined my entire summer that year and forced parents to explain to children that cheating brought victory.

He brings the game into disrepute. He will surely be a bad example to young Argentines like Gago and Messi. Watch them become cheat's also. The AFA should be ashamed of themselves. Maradona ruined his amazing skills by robbing opponents and he still believes that cheating is right. He is bad for the world game and quite honestly it's a shame he is still with us.

This quote sums it up: "It was my hand (but) no, I don't think it was cheating. Cunning, cheekiness, craftiness, but not cheating." - Maradona.
-----

The Likely Lad:
Everyone thought Klinsmann was going to be a disaster, and while I'm not going to compare the two temperamentally, I think you could see a similar hosing of the expectations. Yes, he's going to do some weird shit. Yes, his press conferences are going to be clown shows. And without a doubt, he will completely alienate one or two important players. But guess what, I think he'll bring out the best in some guys you didn't think had much to give. As for Messi, unless Maradona kicks him in training-- and that's not impossible-- he'll be fine.

Final Verdict from the Lad:
Safe Choice? No. Potential for entertainment on and off the field? Staggering.
-----

Autoglass:
I refuse to believe this Maradona business. It must be April 1st somewhere. It's nonsense. It's crazy. Argentina is a proud footballing nation. Always one of the top five teams in the world. They play with power and beauty. They have the best kits in international football. And they make the English absolutely insane (the English blame Maradona for his "Hand of God" goal in the '86 Cup so that they don't have to watch Maradona's second - and winning - goal in that match.). In fact, this would only make sense if the Argies were concerned primarily with making the English insane. And they aren't.

Anyhoo, the notion that Argentina would hand over their national team to this fat, drug-abusing, deluded, utterly inexperienced manager is not just crazy...I refuse to believe it. It can't happen. Has Lute Olsen taken over the Argentine F.A. and chose Maradona because he can't get Mickey Mouse on the phone? It would be like the Lakers replacing Phil Jackson with Dennis Rodman. Would you believe that if you read it?
-----

Precious Roy:
There is no way this doesn't end well. Because if through some crazy underhanded shenanigans by the Gods this works and he pilots the Argies to victory in 2010, then hey, who couldn't win with that collection of talent? So yeah for Maradona. But the far more likely outcome that this goes the way of Isiah and the Knicks, holy shit is it going to be an entertaining freak show. A that's a win for the entirety of the non-Argentine football loving world. Brilliant job by the AFA.
-----

Spectator:
Scene: Maradona, Messi, Riquelme, and Tevez are on a football training
ground in Buenos Aires. Translated from Spanish (natch):

Maradona: Yeah, so, okay boys, gather around, stop dribbling that football. Let me tell you about the Hand of God at the 1986 World Cup.

Riquelme: Coach, but shouldn't we start preparing for our next qualifying match against Venezuela?

Maradona: Am I not the football coach?? I am teaching you how to win. (sniff) Right, so, the Hand of God, I was down there in the penalty area, those slow English defenders Hodge and Valdano are trying to cover me and....

Messi: But coach, we should really be working on our set pieces now, right? The game is in two days.

Maradona: (sniff) That's it! Messi, you're benched for the game.

Messi: But coach!?! I'm the team's best player.

Maradona: No, I am the best player on the squad, and I'll be taking your place. Now, more importantly, the Hand of God. Right, so, I'm down there in the English penalty area, I get past Hodge and Valdano, and then there's just the goalie Shilton to beat. That's when I lift the ball up, and then, knowing the ref was some stupid Tunisian...

Tevez: We know, coach, you used your hand. You've already admitted it. Now, look, we all want to get back to practicing for the big game. At this rate we won't even qualify for the World Cup!

Maradona: Enough! I can't believe that I can't even finish the story of the most miraculous goal ever scored without you little shits interrupting me. You are all benched! I'll play all 11 positions myself. Get off the pitch, get out of here!

FIN
-----

Ian:
Looks like the Argentine FA is making the same high quality decisions as the country's incompetent Presidential duo. I can see them wanting to instill a certain level of passion or desire in the players, but installing Maradona as coach reeks of desperation. And unlike Klinsman, Diego doesn't strike me as a coaching innovator full of new ideas and tactics. Instead, he is someone who wasted his athletic gifts and nearly died due to drugs and alchohol (in Buenos Aires the cocaine is named after Diego).

It's hard to imagine the players taking Maradona seriously as a coach, even if they revere him for his past accomplishments. The only way this works is if they put someone like Sergio Batista, who led the U-23s to the gold medal this summer, as the #2, and let Maradona spend his time sparring with the media and getting inside the head of Messi.

Seriously, though, this reeks of desperation.
-----

Moonshine Mike:
The pressers will be the best thing to happen to football. I expect a sex scandal, a betting scandal, and a drug scandal, in that order within 18 months if not from him, then from folks he has hired.
-----

The Fan's Attic:
There is no way this doesn't end well for us, Unprofessional Foul. Maradona is batshit insane. Maybe he can manage, but I doubt it. His press conferences and sideline antics will be worth the price of admission. If he succeeds great, he'll be even more insane. If he loses spectacularly he'll probably a little less insane than if they won. It's a win-win for the soccer snark business.

However, I firmly believe this will actually kill Maradona. I don't think his body can take that stress, especially if it doesn't go well. If he dies of a heart-attack on the sideline, I will not be surprised. It will only serve to make him a greater soccer god in the minds of Argentinians and I can't fault somebody dying while participating in something they truly love.

In short, this will be a giant mess of Maradona.
-----

u75:
If this comes to pass, it will be a lot of fun to watch. I think, though, that Maradona will do a better job with the team than Domenech has in France. While that may seem like apples and oranges, I say that the insane guy without real coaching experience is going to screw up less than the insane guy who thinks he knows what he's doing.

In all, his style will be the bluster of Mourinho, but without the results.
-----

Sven:
The only acceptable way (and likely) way for Maradona's tenure as the Argies' manager is on the sideline from a massive coronary.
-----

The NY Kid:
Is Maradona capable of running the Argentinian national team? I guess that depends on the availability of an all-you-can-eat buffet on the sideline and all-you-can-do cocaine on the team bus. While a fat, coked-up Maradona would certainly be an entertaining option, I would argue that it is also the only way that he can be successful. I mean, would you want a hungry, fiending Maradona considering strategy and formations? That's how we ended up with the 4-5-1! Sure, it will likely lead to a heart attack on the sideline, but if it also results in victory in South Africa I'm sure the rest of the country won't mind.
-----

What do you all think? Inspired push for glory, or sad, desperate PR move that could ruin its best players of the current generation?

Speak your mind in the comments. Further dramatic scenes like Spectator's are welcomed.

Read more on "Thoughts on Maradona"...

In Argentina, if you don't win, YOU DIE

Trivia Question of the Day: has an owner ever threatened to kill his own team before?

Until late last week, I believe the answer to be no (at least any such events that we outside the dressing room might have heard about). But then, just when it appeared that no-one had ever done so, we get this late entry from South America.

It happened, as most of these wild and crazy footballing stories do, in Argentina.

Rosario Central is a proud, mid-table side in the Primera Division, one that's almost a decade removed from its last league title. Since 1889, they've been plying their wares, and lately, things have taken a turn for the worse, and after a rather crap start to the season, they're sitting in 19th, second-from-last, with just 8 points from 9 games.

Owner and politician (such a wonderful, volatile mix of jobs) Horacio Usandizaga isn't taking this downturn very well, and during a recent "off-the-record" discussion with club supporters, he tipped his hand: "Central are going to get out of this situation, we are going to move forward. We are going to kill the players, coaching staff and anyone else."

Not much room for misinterpretation, is there?

Unsurprisingly, the soundbite has provoked a hefty response, especially in light of recent football-related violence around the country.

Rosario's captain, Kily Gonzalez, a Spanish La Liga champ with Valencia and Serie A winner with Inter Milan, issued a hasty statement on behalf of the team, who obviously don't wish to die for their poor football:

"We want to express our pain and our sentiments over this situation. We are as interested and as committed as anyone in trying to make sure that Rosario Central regain their historical place, which we have lost for various reasons."

The Argentine FA is investigating the story, which was reportedly caught on tape. To anyone who may have seen it (unlikely): put the thing on YouTube already and email it to us, alright?

Read more on "In Argentina, if you don't win, YOU DIE"...

Riquelme wearing out his welcome in BA?

Boca Juniors currently find themselves in an uncomfortable position, 6th in the Argentine Apertura, after a 2-1 loss to Estudiantes at La Bombonera on Sunday. Boca haven't won the title since the 2006 Clausura, and seem to have been cursed in the league ever since the Ricardo La Volpe-led choke job the following fall. The arrival of Juan Roman Riqeulme from Villareal in 2007, initially on loan, was supposed to herald a new age of dominance by Los Xeneixes, but despite winning the Copa Libertadores, they have been unable to recapture the league.

Not surprisingly, the knives are coming out. Riquelme's teammate, defender Julio Cesar Caceres, told a Paraguayan radio station this week that Riquelme wasn't giving 100% on the pitch. Of course, Riqeulme's lack of pace is legendary, and he was often accused of a similar lassiez faire attitude in Spain. But criticism from one of his own teammates at a club where he regarded as something of a god is surely a sign that he is beginning to lose it, right?


Perhaps, but as the incomparable HEGS notes, Caceres is from Paraguay, who are currently ahead of Argentina in qualifying:

In an international week, though, he didn’t miss the opportunity to turn the interview with Paraguay’s Radio Católica Cáritas into a tirade against certain aspects of the Argentine selección. [Deposed goalkeeper] Caranta met on Tuesday with Boca manager Carlos Ischia, but wasn’t entirely satisfied with the reasons Ischia gave him for his sidelining. Cáceres spoke about that situation but saved the main portion of his criticism for Boca captain Riquelme.

‘Riquelme when he plays for the Selección is more motivated than when he plays for Boca,’ Cáceres told the interviewer, making a statement plenty of Argentina fans would probably disagree quite strongly with given JRR’s performances for both his club and his country so far this year. ‘He could be tired or mentally “saturated”,’ the Paraguayan continued, not so much hitting the nail on the head as driving it home with a sledgehammer. ‘When you don’t have any motivation, you need to spend a bit of time on the sidelines.’ Cáceres compared Riquelme unfavourably with attacking partner Martín Palermo, a man who for all his successes with the club he’s supported all his life, remains hungry for more.

Palermo, who blew out his knee at the beginning of the season, is one reason for Boca's struggles, but the inconsistent results this season are more a result of a young squad coping with the usual summer exodus (and continued transfer rumors) of the more established players to Europe. Ischia's curious selection and tactics have also played a role (are you Juande Ramos in disguise?).

Anyways, according to HEGS, Riquelme fired back:

The response from Riquelme, who’s currently training separately from the rest of the Argentine squad in an effort to regain fitness due to a metatarsal problem, was scathing. ‘He’s left all his former clubs in the wrong manner,’ said Riquelme, whose exits from first Barcelona and Villarreal I must have dreamt. ‘The only thing [Cáceres] wants is to cause trouble. If he wanted to leave Boca, there was no need to pick on me.’ He’s certainly got a point there, and it might be added that if Cáceres didn’t want to leave Boca, he could equally have spoken out about any of Argentina’s other players from the squad this week. Where this is going we’ll find out…

Boca's president has also come to the defense of his embattled star, and Mr. Caceres might be looking for alternative employment come springtime. Meanwhile, Argentina plays archrival Uruguay in Buenos Aires on Sunday, while Paraguay travel to Colombia. Brazil, who are somehow still managed by Dunga, travel to Venezuela. Both of the South American heavyweights have dropped points in qualifying and will be looking to put in convincing perfomances this week.

Read more on "Riquelme wearing out his welcome in BA?"...

Big thoughts based on a tournament no one takes seriously

I don't mean to add to an overflowing fountain of hyperbole, but when a world soccer power actually performs at or above expectations in a big tournament, praise is usually warranted. If we can mercilessly make fun of the disappointments (England, England, England), we should be able to front run with the winners, right? Argentina won its second straight gold medal in the Olympic soccer tournament over the weekend, beating Nigeria 1-0 on a goal by Angel Di Maria (the man who more or less made Freddy Adu expendable at Benfica). The game was played in stifling midday heat, and was not terribly captivating to the drunken bar patrons I was sitting next to at 2am. The Albiceleste arguably made a much bigger statement earlier last week, reducing Brazil to joga feo and shocking the Dutch in extra time thanks to a great through ball from Lionel Messi. At this point, they ought to be favorites to win the World Cup in 22 months (!) time.

You could pretty much swap the Olympic squad for the current senior team and not miss much. Of the overage players Argentina brought to the tournament, the temperamental genius Juan Roman Riquelme and Javier Mascherano would certainly keep their places, but most of the U-23s already start for the senior nationals. Messi, of course, is the chief attacking threat, but Di Maria, Kun Aguero, Gago, and Banega all offer substantial presence going forward. Of the offensive-minded senior team players not at the Olympics, only Carlos Tevez is assured of not losing his place to the new generation (and of course he is only 24).

Its different at the back, where the current first choice backline, anchored by Burdisso, Zanetti, and Heinze, probably doesn't include any of the U-23s. Zanetti is 35 though, and he will most likely not be starting come South Africa. Abbadonziari doesn't exactly inspire confidence in goal, either, but at 36 perhaps he can mentor his Getafe teammate Ustari.

In any case, Sergio Batista has to be a hot commodity in Argentine managerial circles right now. Should senior team manager Alfio Basile be looking over his shoulder? There are rumblings that Diego Simeone is unsettled at River Plate, Batista's former club (River lost at the weekend). Perhaps Los Millionarios will make a move for the newly hot commodity.

At this point, Argentina certainly look like the better bet for glory in 2010 than their arch rivals, who are currently in shambles. While Brazil beat the Albiceleste 3-0 in the Copa America final last year, it was due to Dunga's use of two defensive midfielders who were able to shut down Riquelme. Needless to say, the Brazilian press is not happy with the dour, Sven-esque tactics that have been used of late. According to the LA Times, even the President is pissed off:

Witnesses told O Globo that Lula, in a closed-door meeting, labeled the Olympic defeat a "humiliation,'' and was fuming.

"I've never been so angry in all my life,'' Lula, a devoted soccer fan, reportedly said. "I saw a team that didn't show any will to win. … It's shameful to lose this way to Argentina.''

The front page of O Globo's sports section was designed as a funeral notice, announcing the "passing'' of the national soccer squad, (five-time World Cup champion), saying, "Please do not send flowers.''

First step for Brazil is to get Ronaldinho off the burgers. Then stop playing defensively when they can throw out Pato, Robinho, and Kaka in attack. Also fire Dunga. In any case, Argentina have put themselves up there with Spain as co favorites for South Africa. Olympic success doesn't usually translate at World Cups (Gold medals in the last twenty years: USSR, Spain, Nigeria, Cameroon, ArgieX2). Here's hoping that this summer's tournaments are a portend of things to come and teams like Argentina and Spain are in the final in two years time, instead of boring, defensive shitboxes like Germany and Italy.

Read more on "Big thoughts based on a tournament no one takes seriously"...

Shanghai Surprise

Well this is likely to get messy.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

But perhaps the ruling earlier in the week by the Court of Arbitration for Sport that clubs did not have to release players for the Olympics wasn't translated into Spanish as the one of the key figures in the row, Lionel Messi, was on the pitch for the Albicelete's Olympic opener against the Ivory Coast.

Barcelona wanted Messi in club colors as they have a Champions League qualifier that overlaps with the Olympic schedule, while Messi wanted to play in the Olympics to fulfill a boyhood dream of winning a gold medal.

Thing is this wasn't a sneak attach as Argentine coach Sergio Batista said that, even after the CAS ruling, Messi would play.

Good thing for the Albiceleste as Messi netted the first goal then, late in the second half, did all the hard work that led to the Argies 86th minute match winner. Messi got loose deep on the left side and let fly with a howler. The Ivorian keeper was able to get a hand on the ball, but it deflected right in front where Acosta poked it into an open goal: 2-1 Argentina.

Update: Apparently, Barca is totally cool with Messi playing, meaning that ultimately this story boils down to: "Soccer player plays soccer." Awesome.

Hey, sometimes this shit happens while we're asleep. We'll take credit just for finding soccer on TV at 7 am on a Thursday.

Read more on "Shanghai Surprise"...

Barca doesn't care for the Olympics

The men's Olympic soccer tournament, comprised mostly of U-23s with a few overage players, kicks off tomorrow (today? Monday? time zones confuse me), and Argentina are the hot favorites. The roster for the Albiceleste includes such notables as Javier Mascherano, Ever Banega, Fernando Gago, Juan Roman Riquelme, Sergio Aguero, and Lionel Messi. Trouble is, Messi is made of glass and Barca doesn't want him to play in the tournament, and the club just won a court case backing its stance.

FIFA and Sepp Blatter had required clubs to release any eligible U-23s for the tournament, but the Court of Arbitration in Sport ruled against their Swiss bureaucratic colleagues. According to the BBC:

The court ruled there was "no specific decision of the Fifa executive committee establishing the obligation for the clubs to release players under 23 for this tournament."

A statement added: "Cas calls upon the goodwill and the good sense of Fifa and the clubs to find a reasonable solution with regard to players who wish to represent their country in the Olympic Games."

Of course, FIFA's windbag in chief was not pleased by the decision.

In response to the decision by Cas, Fifa president Sepp Blatter said: "Fifa is surprised and disappointed by this decision, but we respect it.

"Nevertheless, I appeal to the clubs. Let your players take part in the Olympic Games. It would be an act of solidarity in perfect harmony with the Olympic spirit.

"It would be wonderful for the players, for the fans and for the game itself. I regret that the Cas has not taken the Olympic spirit into consideration."

First of all, I'm shocked that Sepp would actually stand up and defend an event that doesn't line his (or FIFA's) pockets. Blatter has always tried to keep the Olympic tournament small-time so as not to take any glory from the World Cup. For his part, after the ruling Messi told his coach that he wants to stay in Beijing and compete in the tournament. I'm not sure how he is going to do that if Barca won't let him. I imagine its like when I tell my boss I'm planning on going on vacation for three weeks instead of working during a big deadline. For some reason he always makes me cancel my plans. Ogre! Expect Messi transfer rumors to begin leaking out by next week.

Read more on "Barca doesn't care for the Olympics"...

Magic Spray? How About Invisible Spray!

Have you ever watched a match where the referee is forced to continuously blow his whistle on dead balls because the defending team keeps encroaching on the 10-yards?

I mean, just look at these guys! (Why yes, that is RvP scoring the equaliser against Everton. Haha!). So what is the solution to this time-draining practice? Well, the Argies think they have the answer.

Just yesterday the Argentina Football Association agreed to use a new magic spray to address the concern of defenders creeping forward during a free kick. And what does this magic spray do? It sprays a line onto the pitch to mark off the 10 yards, and then disappears after one minute! This brilliant idea was brought to fruition by an Argentine journalist who began working with chemical engineers after he lost an amateur match in which he missed a potential game-tying free kick due to the encroachment of the wall.

It's not enough for the Argentinians that we drew them 0-0 at the Meadowlands, now we also get to mock them for idiotic and utterly useless technological advances.

Point #1: Have you ever seen a free kick? Have you ever taken a free kick? Some of these clowns dawdle so long that one minute is nowhere near enough time. The journalist himself notes that in a recent Boca Juniors game it took Juan Riquelme 2 and a half minutes to get off his free kick. Does the ref then give out a yellow card for unsportsmanlike behavior if he has to reapply the invisible spray?

Point #2: What if the Argentinians are playing Colombia (or Robbie Fowler), and someone tries to sniff the line? Is it hazardous to humans?

Point #3: All of these encroachment issues could be solved if more people took free kicks like this:



Of course, it's only a matter of time before Platini and Blatter sound off on this issue and expound for hours on its virtues.

Read more on "Magic Spray? How About Invisible Spray!"...

Argy Bargy and and the English tailgate.

Sunday 8th June 2008. USA V ARGENTINA.

95 degrees. Hot dogs and a football. All of the ingredients for heat stroke or a heart attack you are saying to yourself. Not for us U.F'ers. Oh no. Mother nature will have to make me sweat more than I did yesterday and rain harder than she did last night to spoil my fun. She tried pretty hard...Bitch!

4.30pm. We pull into the car park (sorry..Parking lot) and immediately David Hirshey displayed his Cassandra complex bemoaning our location and the 10 min walk to the gate. "It'll take and hour....we'll die on the way....No one will find us.....The world will end". Packimo and I flip the boot (sorry..Trunk) and start to remove items from coolers as if we have some idea about what we are doing. All around us elaborate tail gate parties are taking shape. Tents are erected, chairs removed and opened, grills lit, flags raised and music switched on. Wow..just witnessing the effort involved for a couple of hours of 'hanging out' made me sweat. But we were not tailgating like those people... oh no. I am English readers. I wouldn't have a clue about any of that, you see I had 4 disposable grills from stop and shop and some cardboard spatulas made from a empty case of beer. Get in! It was a pathetic sight. Mini vans filled with years of BBQ expertise and experience passed by shooting pity in our direction.

The $2.99 grills were on fire. Beer was flowing. Header tennis was underway. All we needed now was people.... They came, they had a hot dog, they played football. They laughed at our grills. Where was Lingering Bursitis? This was his party. He arranged the trip. It was his cooler I was removing warm turkey burgers from. He had sent out 547 emails to ensure a smooth day out for all involved and worried like a teenage girl.

LB:"We just got off the bus...Where are you parked."
Me: "6 A Lingering. Right by the race track."
LB:"Ok mate see you in a minute."

Twenty mins later and Lingering had found his way to the other side of the stadium. He called from the Izod center, He called from the bubble, he called from this gate and he called from that gate. "Where are you?".

It took Lingering exactly 1 hour from getting off the bus, a mere 4 1/2 mins meander to our south, to finding us. He is the only person I know who would probably need a GPS unit to get himself home from the local pub. He should be ashamed! Still... Packard was attempting to bust the UF keepy up record of 6 and Krieg had just fallen over the ball for the tenth time so we were keeping ourselves amused. Incidentally the U.F 'tailgate tosser' award was handed to Krieg at 5.55pm when he aimed a pass in one direction and watched in horror as the ball ended up in the back of the car after taking out a disposable grill and 2 bottles of beer. He was banned from playing after that.

7.30pm. The game itself.

I don't hide my disdain ....ok I don't hide my hatred of Argentine football. The hand of god. That dirt bag Simeone. Let's face it we have history and I wanted no more from this game than for Argentina to slip up. The result was pleasing for the US contingent as it showed a distinct improvement but lets face it...What happened in the second half of this game meant nothing. The first half were the chosen 11. The best available to both teams and the choice of both managers.

Friendlies are designed to tweak your side ahead of competitive fixtures and then to use the second half to try out different personnel (who may be up for it but are not the first choice). This game was no different.

Argentina were fluid in the first half. They found space, they passed the ball and they created numerous chances. Tim Howard had an outstanding first half and his heroics saved team U.S.A from the long half time stroll to the dressing room 3 down at least. It was clear to see the gulf in class. Argentina played flowing football effortlessly. The USA had absolutely nothing going forward. Eddie Johnson directed a header goalwards in the 42nd minute. It was his first real touch of the game. Donovan was just as invisible.

Howard through the midfield, the US are not a bad team!... but they really have no ideas once they look for the final ball. Beasley has immense pace but never seemed to make it count. Whenever he had the ball wide he cut back in and played back through the middle. He seemed lost when presented with the opportunity to penetrate the final third. Almost as if he and Dempsey (playing wide right) had no confidence in the front two's ability to hold the ball and produce chances.

The Argentina fans started to 'ole' every pass after ten mins and this summed up the first period.

Half time 0-0.

The second half saw a number of substitutions, red cards and the absence of Messi. Argentina passed the ball around and enjoyed attacks on the break. They have two very important games coming up (including their big grudge match with rivals Brazil) and their second half performance showed it.

The U.S used their own subs including the young (yeah right) Freddy Adu. He joined his over rated colleague Donovan in producing nada. Donovan enjoyed possession in the second half and made several short runs before being stripped of the ball. He appears to have no understanding that he is in a team and greedily, naively, attempted to take on the defence belonging to the worlds best team. This may be effective when you are playing Kansas City but as he learned (or not) in the last World Cup this does not have any effect when presented with real defenders. Someone should share this info with Landycakes as soon as possible.

On the whole the U.S enjoyed a lot more possession in the second half and nearly stole the game when Onyewu rattled the crossbar shortly after the break. I couldn't help thinking that if they had two forwards that could hold the ball instead of waste it the midfield would have more confidence when attacking. This result will be satisfying for Bob Bradley but not with most Americans as the lack of shooting opportunities should cause real concern. They also failed to find the net in recent games against England and Spain.

Final 0-0.

Man of the match: Fernando Gago. He owned the first half. Every attack involved him, he moved the ball from one side of the field to the other and never stopped looking for space or passing opportunities. He sat deep and pulled the strings. At 22 and with only 15 caps this is one player to watch. He will soon be ranked as one of the worlds best for sure.

Knob of the match: The Ref. He really was a useless tosser.

-Bigus

Read more on "Argy Bargy and and the English tailgate."...

Lord, why are there no games on tv today?

Now the crushing reality of the summer sets in, as our Saturday mornings are strangely open (And yeah, no one was going to fork over for the FA Cup Final. Congrats Pompey!). No drinking before noon? No Hirshey mustache jokes? Grrr....All we have to comfort ourselves is the upcoming international season. And the MLS. And lots of rumors, after the jump:




The most interesting rumor today is that Sven Goran Eriksson is being lined up to coach the Mexican national team. I guess Sven really liked Nery Castillo. El Tri was hilariously mismanaged during the Hugo Sanchez era, who failed to even get the U-23s into the Olympics, and couldn't seem to beat Bob Bradley & Co. Of course, if the Mexican federation actually allowed the national team to play games in Mexico, they might get better results. SGE running the Mexicans would actually be pretty neat from a US perspective. Bob Bradley matching wits with a multi-time World Cup and European quarterfinalist!

In other US news, the national team released its provisional roster for the upcoming England/Spain/Argentina troika. Think Eddie Lewis and Frankie Hejduk, and 31 others. I'm hoping for a Michael Bradley hat trick at Wembley and a move to Arsenal. I also believe in Santa Claus. UF will be on hand at the Argentina game, and all UF readers are welcome to join us in for some tailgating in the Jersey swamps beforehand. Its possible there will beer and footie involved.

Read more on "Lord, why are there no games on tv today?"...