How many of those pages are pictures?

As you take a break from the breathtaking Confederations Cup action, let's look to the EPL again for a second. You have to admire the hard-working people at Wasserman Media Group (home of Brian Ching, Steven Gerrard, Landon Donovan and Robbie Keane, among others), as they take the job of looking after their clients very seriously. One such client is a difficult sell, so much so that not even Billy Mays would shift him on the open market.

But, try as they might, the Great Sell of Michael Owen has begun. And it's in full color!

To help drum up interest in the striker, his people assembled a 34-page brochure that they've been shopping around to anyone and everyone. Owen would love to stay in the EPL, and I'm sure he'll get that wish, but given that he'll be out of contract as of June 30th, it'll be a tough, tough sell. When was the last time he managed 20 goals in a season? For the money he'll expect to be paid, the numbers just don't add up.

The brochure does try hard; take this slice of breathtaking prose:

"Were it not for an unhappy spell at Real Madrid and two injury-scarred years at Newcastle, he would be spoken about in the same breath as Torres and Ronaldo and valued in the priceless figures that only match-winning goalscorers ever justify."

That's a pretty big if, right there, although it does show what happens to folk heroes who dare leave the cushy confines of Anfield (ask Ian Rush, too; his brief spell at Juventus brought him back to us a changed man).

Don't get me wrong; I loved Owen as a LFC player, and always followed his post-Liverpool movements with some interest, even once injuries took hold and the career of Michael Owen became defined by several high-profile benchings at Newcastle, the lack of faith in his abilities being unbearably and uncomfortably put on display when the Magpies desperately needed goals.

And so, we are left to wonder where he'll land. Portsmouth? Bolton? Wolverhampton Wanderers? Take your best guess.

In the meantime, if you're lucky enough to get hold of one of these sales documents, enjoy its every page. Presumably the brochure comes with health insurance?