Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Transfer Market Irritations

Thanks to the idiot press back home, the papers are flooded with every possible transfer rumour under the sun. Every day, we get more news about so-and-so to Big Club FC, or the aging hero meekly accepting a small-ball bid to move to a small-town franchise. Even Jesus Christ himself is on the move, leaving heaven to ply his trade at FC Porto on a 2-year deal.

Bad jokes aside, there are a few players whose names are appearing far too much, and it has to stop. At this point, all quality and calibre aside, I couldn't care less where they play next year as their sagas have become so protracted that you just wish the season began tomorrow and that we could enjoy 3 months with silence on the transfer front.

So who are these oiks that are overpopulating the world's sports pages with will-they, won't-they?

5. Anything involving Spurs

Yep, I'm sick of all the rumours involving Spurs. I could single out just one -- the Berbatov-to-Man U break, the Robbie Keane-to-Liverpool story, or how they've chased several players of interest, only to have them all publicly say they're not interested.

Rafael van der Vaart said he'd rather stay in Hamburg (which speaks volumes, really), Capel wasn't interested either, they were never in with a sniff of Podolski, but they're labouring on. Granted, they have made big signings of Modric and Geovanni, but honestly, they're being linked with just about anyone and everyone at the moment, and it's torturous to digest.

Bentley is the latest apple of their eye, and meanwhile, we sit and sigh, waiting for August.

4. Emmanuel Adebayor

Another one I'm sick of. The constant flirtation between his manager and AC Milan is becoming so indecent, it could almost be considered pornographic and unsuitable for consumption.

There's also Adebayor's wonderful gift for PR, whereby he said publicly that he wants to remain at Arsenal during a press conference, only to go backstage and tell a Sky Sports employee that he's looking at all options including a dream trip to Milan.

June 27th:

"Of course [I'm staying put], I have three more years contract so, no matter what, I have to stay. I’m staying at Arsenal."
Then, later on June 27th:
"I have a lot of big clubs trying to buy me and it is up to me and my agent, Stephane Courbis, to sit down next week and find a good solution. I am in a position that I don't know where I will be playing but that is normal. If you told me seven years ago when I was playing in Togo without football boots that I would have a choice of playing in Spain or Italy it would seem crazy."
You can't teach media management like that.

The broth is soured further by the constant fluctuation of his value, with his price ranging from 15 to 25 million and all points in-between, not to mention his club that's looking to offload more dead weight than the two numbskulls in Weekend at Bernie's.

The Togolese striker will make a club very happy indeed; it just remains to be seen exactly which one.

3. Ronaldinho

The bucktoothed Brazilian should really be higher on the list, but the homeland contempt brewing in the top 2 spots has consigned him to third, which is coincidentally a position in the league that his hungriest suitors, Manchester City, could never dream of achieving.

We've seen pictures of fat Ronnie all over the web, and yet Trashcan Sinatra is still wetting himself over the prospect of hooking the long-haired midfielder to come play at Eastlands. The price seems high, and pundits are advising teams to look elsewhere, but he's still a marketable name, and that means everything nowadays.

In addition to Man City, there's always AC Milan, who crop up so frequently in transfer rumours that I might dub them the Italian Tottenham due to their predilection for hijacking or voicing interest in any player that is for sale.

Please, make it end. Ronnie's agent needs to be Old Yeller'd, lest we go insane with all the noise.

2. Gareth Barry.

Of course he's on the list! Was there any doubt? The saga (that I detailed last week as best I could) is bordering on Monty Python-esque farce as neither Liverpool nor Villa show any signs of being able to compromise. Today's fresh coat of paint came in the form of Arsenal, who apparently expressed interest to O'Neill, who promptly then told The Sun in the hopes of scaring open the Anfield pursestrings.

Savvy on his part, yes, but entirely boring for the rest of us. Barry's fate is essentially sealed away from Villa Park due to his comments in the media about wanting better football (and I'm still not convinced that my Reds could even give him that), but the question remains as to where he'll end up.

There is an inevitability about a move to Anfield eventually being ironed out, but it would be magic if this could happen soon. It might spare us all the added grief of the merry-go-round.

1. Cristiano Ronaldo.

At last, something he'll finish first in on his own merits! Despite roundly failing at Euro '08, he enjoyed the spotlight that Spain should have had by stringing the media on for two straight weeks with veiled comments and entendres that whipped the writers into a fucking agonizing frenzy. Talk of Real Madrid being a dream move immediately woke Calderon from his coke-and-sunshine binge, and the world hasn't been the same since.

The petulant one is facing a three-month layoff after some ankle surgery, but it hasn't dampened the speculation much.

For the love of all that is holy, I wish it had.

Am I missing any? Other candidates for most annoying transfer talk?


The Fan's Attic said...

Anything involving the exodus of Chelsea players to Inter following The Special One.

Keith said...

How about Xabi, Finnan and Carson's tranfer cash?

I think M'ON might be amenable to that.

BTW, Rafa sealed his fate on this by refusing to budge on Carson's fee, then turning around and selling Carson for less than half of what was requested of us.

Bigus Dickus said...

Wolves were in for Jason Shackell and we turned down a million. Shocking. I would have bitten their arm off and had a nibble on their shoulders.

Oh sorry....no one cares about the Championship..That's right!

Mike Georger said...

i honestly dont think barry comes now unless someone else buys alonso, as juventus are now out of the running after buying poulsen. im not sure whether i would prefer he goto arsenal, where i dont even remotely see him fitting their style, or sticking villa with his wages and no cash.

the bitch about carson is they probably could have gotten close to 10 million last summer, because he is english and everyone thought he was the next england number one. turns out he kinda sucks ass and is the next paul robinson at best, so frankly between 4 and 5 million isnt bad (again, another huge profit considering they bought him for a few hundred thousand)

besides, if alonso's play for spain is any indication, he appears to have gotten his form and health back. considering hes younger than barry, i think keeping him would be just fine.

the aguero stuff is pissing me off, there is NO way united can afford 85 million dollars. if there was a bid for him (i dont believe agents) i bet it was city or spurs, the latter who will be getting about that much from berbatov and keane. but why would someone give up champions league football for carling cup football?

Lingering Bursitis said...

I have it on good authority that Man U is not in the hunt for Aguero. I know there is a lot of speculation about it being them, but they're more concerned with securing Berbatov's services to chase Sergio as well.

Mike Georger said...

i dont think you need an authority to know it makes no sense to sign a fourth striker for a club transfer record when you look to be losing your best midfielder and three of the main cogs of your midfield and defense are pretty close to having the logans run crystals in their hands go off

The Fan's Attic said...

i hear liverpool is in for Aguero on the DL. swapping alonso and cash to atletico. lfc did good by atletico last year...it's happening again.

keane and barry are a smokescreen and now arsenal is obliging by making a run at barry.

i just heard that from the voices in my head, but i did hear it.

Mike Georger said...

that would be pretty slick. and as aletico made a pretty penny off torres' goal tally im sure they would listen to that. but i just dont see them moving him, theyre a club on the rise. its not out of the question for them to overtake barca as the perennial second place team.

there are rumors of insua going on loan to toon. i actually think this is a great idea, dont really care what team as long as he gets playing time.

Keith said...

Mike, I get that, and that's why O'Neill went for the "I'll kick the tires on a loan" route (much like he did with Curtis Davies).

At that point, Rafa was dumping him and picking up Itandje, whom O'Neill had already seen in training and adjuged to not be worth a transfer fee (and, as Pool supporters later came to find in many early-round cup defeats, this was the right attitude). So while the loan had a ten million pound option-to-buy deal, O'Neill wasn't down with paying that much, and might have offered a discounted rate on Barry in exchange for a discount rate on Carson. Then Rafa went moaning to the public about O'Neill's transfer dealings, and the Barry saga has blasted on.

Mike Georger said...

i definitely think oneill made the right call on carson, but i have a feeling barry could end up biting him in the ass if he is counting on that money. can anyone really see arsenal spending 18 million on an english player approaching thirty?

Keith said...

I don't think O'Neill will ask for that much from Arsene; maybe Hoyte and 10-13 mill- If he's feeling particularly ballsy he might inquire about Theo.

Bigus Dickus said...

Roy. Norwich choose to be represented by The Darkness.

Bigus Dickus said...

Oh feck...wrong thread. I am extremely sorry....well maybe sorry...actually I am not sorry at all.

Andrew said...

Wish come true. The Other Fat Brazilian to Meeee-lan.