Tuesday, July 15, 2008

FA Cup of British Rock - Round of 16 / Match #5

These are the ground rules: 16 teams, each represented by a musician or band who happens to be a supporter. You, our fair reader, vote on who advances. Use whatever criteria you wish: favorite team, favorite band, prettiest uniforms (looking at you Elton), etc. Ballot stuffing is not encouraged, but will be tolerated, because we’re just as corrupt as the real FA. Voting for the Round of 16 will close on Sunday, July 20.

Round 5 combatants are really old. But seeing how they have no actual job skills, they have to hit the road every few years so they can rake in a couple more boatloads of money. Rough lives. But at least they aren't modern day slaves like the footballers they support.




Yes. Sure, they only barrack for Accrington Stanley but it's tough to beat a band in sepia.



Aston Villa fans looking none more Black Sabbath. And man, that's a lot of hair, but what's Ozzy's problem? Dude too cool to rock the 'stache?


Doesn't Steve Howe and Billy Sherwood sound a bit like a striker tandem? "Howe feeds Sherwood with a beautiful low cross, and he slips it passed Keith Emerson, who had no chance of stopping it." Rick Wakeman, that's more a manager's name. This might all be slightly irrelevant as Yes singer Jon Anderson is the only admitted follower of Accrington Stanley. And how much do we actually know about the recently promoted League Two side? Answer: not much. As for Yes, or just Seventies prog rock in general, that we can discuss ad nauseum. We're not proud and we'd rather not do that lest we induce said nauseum in our devoted readership. We're also not sure we'd want to sit through an entire League Two match, much like we're not sure we'd want to sit through all of Tales From Topographic Oceans... again. Although both are probably about the same length, I'd bet you've get more goals in the former than there are tracks on the latter. Americans talk about soccer being boring, but they made six Yes albums platinum? (Full disclosure: I own both The Yes Album and Fragile... as well as 90125, but is it really Yes if it doesn't have Steve Howe?). Anyway, I'm sure Anderson would aver that if the Accies get relegated, there's is no disgrace.


And from the other end of the classic rock spectrum we have Black Sabbath. And you know what's great about this match-up? These two teams could actually face off. Not Aston Villa and Accrington Stanley (well, they could in the real FA Cup obviously) but Yes and Sabbath. Each has easily had eleven members pass through their ranks. With Ozzy, Dio, Ian Gillian, Tony Martin, Ray Gillen, and Dave Donato, Sabbath gets over halfway there on singers alone. Although, probably don't want to let Ozzy on the pitch given his declining motor skills. And this could be an interesting match, as the art rock pansies might get beat up early, but you don't fancy anyone in Sabbath to be match fit enough to go 90, or even 45. So a late surge is possible. Now, is Black Sabbath like Villa in any way? Hmmm... Tony Iommi is on the verge of hitting his 40th year of consecutive and serious riffage service in the band. Have the Villans had a player roaming the midfield for 40 years? Let's go with "No." Maybe we'll just start a rumor that Randy Lerner is particularly Paranoid and leave it at that.

So, who do you like? The early progenitors of prog? Or Sabbath fucking Sabbath?





12 comments:

Mike Georger said...

sabbath/ozzy are running neck and neck with KISS for the most overrated piece of shit band of the 1900's award.

im on the 'yes' train

The Fan's Attic said...

declining motor skills

By that do mean his lackluster ATV skills?

ΓΌ75 said...

Owner of a Lonely Heart! Not really. Sabbath being about 30 years ahead of their time wins out. Seriously, for a laugh, search out reviews of Sabbath at the time of release and compare them to how the magazine (say, Rolling Stone) treats them now.

Mike Georger said...

if its not the white stripes, its crap!
/rolling stone

seriously their review for the dark knight did not have a single negative comment and they still only gave it 3.5/4 stars. what the fuck.

Keith said...

Come on, Mike. NO ONE beats Kiss for being totally untalented and completely overrated.

Keith said...

On second thought, maybe Aerosmith do.

Mike Georger said...

oh god i forgot about aerosmith. ive never understood the popularity of that band. i guess its because they were the big americans in an era of dominant british bands? the video for 'pink' always comes on at the gym and it is one of the most revolting displays of shittasticness ive ever seen.

Keith said...

Dream On was a good song- it's the only one where Tyler sings with a normal voice. Other than that- the "Silverstone Singles" were decent, though a portent of things to come (that "Armageddon" song, for one), and the rest of their catalog is generic, cock-rock trash that's only slightly more interesting than anything by Ratt.

Mike Georger said...

my boss was listening to 'i dont wanna miss a thing' in her office yesterday and i almost died. no hyperbole.

Bigus Dickus said...

Roy...Norwich..The Darkness...

Mike Georger said...

liverpool has gotta be elvis costello ... please no sporty spice please no sporty spice please no sporty spice please no sporty spice please no sporty spice please no sporty spice

Keith said...

Mike you know that you just doomed Pool to be represented by one fifth of a group slightly worse than Aerosmith, right?