The Good, The Bad, The WTF: Euro 2008 Edition

This post, my friends is going to be a mess. As long as you know that going in, we'll all be okay. Inside, we will break down each competing country's home and away jersey and file it into the categories Good, Bad and WTF. Pretty simple, huh?
For ease of my poorly HTMLing soul, I will only provide links to each shirt instead of trying to force them all into the Blogger template. Trust me, if you've seen how Blogger can mangle posts by screwing up pictures, this is a good thing.

Onwards and upwards, my friends. Here we go.

Group A
Switzerland Home Away Switzerland wear Puma jerseys. In what will quickly become a theme in this post, Puma jerseys all look cookie-cutter. They have a template, switch colors where necessary, and affix the necessary badges. Boring. What I like about the Swiss shirt is the badge. That kind of artsy rendering of their national association where they also fit in the white cross. However, these are Puma jerseys, so the verdict is:
Home and Away: Bad
Czech Republic Home Away Plain. Boring. Go home. I do like the blue piping on the home shirt, and the Czech badge is one of the more interesting entries, full of history, for those into that. But it is simply not enough to overcome the crappiness of being a Puma shirt.
Home and Away: Bad
Portugal Home Away There is something wrong with the Portugal home shirt. We here at UF could not quite put our finger on it, but we hate it. It could be the wrong hue, or it could just be the too tight fit. We hated it all the same. On the other hand, we were much more sympathetic to the white shirt. It looks a lot better, but, in the end, we found it a little plain.
Home and Away: Bad
Turkey Home Away Now we're talking. It may still be a hangover from their unbelievable victory over the Czechs on Sunday, but these are both very nice shirts. The home shirt can look a little like a 'Boro effort, I'm sure, but it dazzles nonetheless. And that away shirt, my goodness. Two teams made solid use of baby blue accents this tournament, and Turkey is one of them.
Home and Away: Good

Group B
Austria Home Away A mixed bag. Once again, we are stuck with Puma templates, but Austria does something a little right here. It's not in the home shirt, really, though it should rate a "meh" instead of its final grade. The winner here is the away shirt. Menacingly black with a little flag flair thrown in at the collar.
Home: Bad; Away: Good
Croatia Home Away Did we even get to see the all-checkerboard shirt yet? I don't recall. You have to give them respect for sticking with such and irritating-to-the-eyes shirt for all of these years. As for the blue away shirt, man, I don't know. And for that, it perfectly fits the WTF category. Safe to say I would not want to sport either one of these walking around my town.
Home and Away: WTF?
Germany Home Away Poor Germany. Forever saddled with a white shirt that they are not entirely happy with, so they fuck around with it. This year's entry feels unbalanced. Too much black in the striping, not enough red or yellow. At least it keeps us away from the away shirt. Seriously, this is not a look for top tier international football. This is a training top. Even though I kind of like the gold stitching on the black background, I hope they never have to wear it.
Home: Bad; Away: WTF?
Poland Home Away Poland, the home of unattractive football. They never looked good playing in the Euros, and these shirts did not help. Blandest of them all.
Home and Away: Bad

Group C
Romania Home Away Romania's shirts this year felt like a throwback to USA '94. Sadly, the team did not perform in the same manner. The worst part of it all is that they totally rip off the New York Cosmos badge. Anyway, 14 years is too soon to do a throwback jersey. Well, I write that, but I can't hate on the home jersey. I like it.
Home: Good; Away: Bad
France Home Away I am not a fan of the extra crap going across the middle of the French home shirt. They do, however, get credit with me by having their flag pop up inside the adidas stripes on the arms. Throw in that nice, newish badge of the rooster and you have a winner. God help me, I like the garish red away shirt as well. Two winners.
Home and Away: Good
Netherlands Home Away The Dutch are always hard to figure out. They have to use that bright orange which pays homage to a royal family line that no one likes. Sometimes they pull it off, and sometimes it is painful. This tournament, they pulled it off, sometimes. The Dutch were the second team to tastefully use Nike's new baby blue accent by pairing the orange shirt with baby blue socks. And it totally worked. However, when they reverted to orange socks yesterday, it all looked horrible. Also, nice try, but you can't work in your flag on the collar without it looking like you won First Grade attendance medals. As for the away shirt, it divides us. But, I'm the one writing here, and I hate it. So, there you go. We do seem to be unified in liking the cyborg numbering though.
Home: Good, with qualifications; Away: WTF?
Italy Home Away Italy stick with the basics. Once again, this is a Puma top, but it's not quite as bad as the red and white ones. This gets a passing grade for the gold at the neck. The away jersey, though, is run of the mill and boring.
Home: Good; Away: Bad

Group D
Spain Home Away I think we were a bit undecided by these. The home jersey is nothing out of the ordinary, but it works well. That light gold away shirt, though, is rather atrocious. Hopefully, Spain will not be required to trot it out on their way to winning this year's tournament.
Home: Good; Away: WTF?
Russia Home Away These had potential, especially the away shirt, but the execution is off. I am all for integrating you nation's flag into the shirt. I don't like it when doing so means that I have to fill in the blanks for you. The white shirt loses the top stripe of the flag and the red shirt loses the bottom stripe of the flag. Why not go with a blue away shirt so that one can easily make out the flag running across the torso? Nike FAIL.
Home: Bad; Away: WTF?
Greece Home Away Thanks for coming and bringing the same kit from 2004. Did you think that would work? Okay, the sublimated flag print on the away shirt is nice, but no dice.
Home and Away: Bad
Sweden Home Away It's always tough to deal with the Swedish shirts. The combo of yellow and blue is a nice one, but they just use too much yellow sometimes. If only I could get a reason to really like a bunch of yellow Swedish shirts. Oh, here's one. The away shirt is a tough one. In some pictures, it looks black, which would be a bold move, but in others it looks navy, which is kind of boring. Still, since Swedish girls will wear them and get pictured in them, they are both winners.
Home and Away: Good