My last liveblog of Euro 2008 for a little bit, and I leave you with Switzerland v. Portugal. Bring in the models!
Swiss model Michelle Hunziker: Not a fan of "Swiss Miss" jokes
Portuguese model Diana Chaves: Dated Ronaldo (but who hasn't?)
Join me after the jump to watch the Iberian Stepovers against the Chocolate Kings.
The Switzerland starting XI for coach Jakob Kuhn:
GK - Zuberbuhler
DEF - Magnin (C); Senderos; Muller; Lichtsteiner
MID - Vonlanthen; Inler; Fernandes; Behrami
ST - Yakin; Derdiyok
The Portugal starting XI for coach Luiz Felipe Scolari:
GK - Ricardo
DEF - Ferreira; Alves; Miguel; Pepe
MID - Meira (C); Veloso; Meireles
ST - Quaresma; Postiga; Nani
This match is being played at St. Jakob Park in Basel.
Centre official: Konrad Plautz (AUS)
Assistant referees: Markus Mayr (AUS); Egon Bereuter (AUS) (I guess Venkman couldn't make it)
4th official: Ivan Bebek (CRO)
Switzerland have already been eliminated, and Portugal have already won the group, so there isn't much to play for. In fact, Scolari has sat Deco and Ronaldo for this match, not wanting to risk them.
So, given the circumstances, I am sure that everyone is watching the Turkey-Czech Republic match. But, just in case you weren't able to tape/Tivo/DVR this match, feel free to peruse the liveblog as I abuse myself by sitting through this meaningless match. Don't worry, I'm taping the other match and will watch it immediately after I am done here.
00:01 - And we're off!
00:02 - Hello? Hello? Is this thing in? You're all playing in the other liveblog, aren't you? If you were smart, you would actually watch that game, and read this liveblog at the same time.
01:00 - And the discussion of Big Phil's move to Chelsea purely for the money starts up by the announcers. Apparently, they were listening to Mike Georger.
02:10 - Free kick for Portugal taken by Miguel, but the ball ends up harmlessly at Zuberbuhler's feet. (Insert Ferris Beuller joke here)
04:10 - Magnin pushes Nani off the ball, because Nani weights ~127 pounds. The Portuguese looking discombobulated.
06:38 - Vonlanthen pulls a stepover in front of Miguel, who seems confused by it. The Portuguese counter-attack and the ball comes in to the 6 off a cheeky crossover pass from Quaresma, but Postiga is offsides and puts it over.
07:59 - The Swiss come down the other end, but Ricardo gets to the ball in the air before Vonlanthen.
09:40 - The referee awards a couple of cheap fouls to Portugal, the second after Behrami nudges Quaresma off the ball. Nani takes the ball after the free kick, but the Swiss close him down.
12:18 - The Swiss play the ball in to Yakin, but he is ruled offsides. The Swiss are still going with the All-Turk strike force of Yakin and Derdiyok, so we may see some goals today.
13:40 - Nani dances through the Swiss (cheese!) midfield, but Senderos (really?) clears the ball.
14:40 - Derdiyok dribbles the ball into the box and it takes a deflection of Ferriera, who eventually clears it out. The corner is taken and immediately put out. The second corner results in a half-assed clearance by Ricardo. Behrami takes a follow-up shot, but it is deadened off a Portuguese defender, and Ricardo picks it up.
17:00 - Free kick for Portugal from 40 yards, and the ball comes blistering into the box. Pepe gets a touch, but Zuberbuhler gets a hand on it and the ball goes off the bar and is cleared.
19:10 - Yet another free kick, as Inler dumps Quaresma. The ball is played in to Alves, who heads it toward the goal. Zuberbuhler makes a relatively easy save.
21:48 - Ball driven in by Magnin, but played out for a Swiss throw-in. The ball comes back in and Inler takes a great shot that Ricardo just barely tips over. The ball from the corner is played to the back post and headed down, but Ricardo gets a boot on it.
23:00 - A poor back pass to Zuberbuhler leads to him coming out of net and turning the ball over . Nani puts the ball into Postiga at the 6, but Senderos clears the weak shot.
24:30 - Miguel turns the ball over in midfield, but Vonlanthen makes a mess of the steal with a poor shot.
25:40 - Tommy Smyth tells us, perhaps for the 17th time this tournament, that Vonlanthen is the youngest player to ever score at the Euro when he put one in 4 years ago.
26:42 - More like the Gunner we know, Senderos fouls Nani (that sounds familiar). The resulting free kick is taken by Nani and the ball curls in to Zuberbuhler, who was fouled by Postiga. Apparently, Yakin was giving a yellow card for dissent after the foul, before the kick was taken.
28:01 - Yakin puts in a beautiful ball from a free kick 40 yards out, but Senderos is unable to get a boot on it, and the ball crosses the end line.
28:52 - Ferreira picks up a yellow card for a brutal tackle that catches Behrami (whom Tommy Smyth identifies as Derdiyok) directly in the boot.
31:00 - Yakin takes the free kick, which Ricardo punches out for a corner. The ball comes in from the corner to Yakin, who heads the ball with venom towards the goal, but Ricardo makes a brilliant save.
Precious Roy raises an interesting question. Despite not needing a result, will Big Phil's ego want a win so badly that he inserts Ronaldo if the match is still tied? And if he does, will someone then foul him maliciously and viciously?
35:30 - The Swiss are now booinh Ferreira every time he touches the ball. After some midfield play, the ball gets to Postiga who comes in one-on-one and puts it past Zuberbuhler. He is called offsides, but replays indicate that he was onside. No goal.
36:44 - Yellow card for Vonlanthen after he slams the ball down due to a (in his mind) poor call. He will miss the next match (which is non-existent) for the Swiss.
39:21 - Very long ball down the left side for Derdiyok, but Pepe gets there first and ushers the ball over the touchline.
40:21 - Ferreira off, Ribeiro on for Portugal (Carlton plays for the Portuguese?)
42:33 - Nani goes down in the box, but the referee gives him a wry smile and shakes his head. If it was such a dive, why not give him a yellow? Replays show that his shirt was tugged, but I doubt it was hard off enough to make him fly off his feet the way that he did.
44:20 - Inler has to come off the pitch, as he caught an elbow from Postiga that opened a cut above his eye.
45:00 (+02:05) - HALF-TIME. Switzerland 0 - Portugal 0.
Tommy informs us in a shocked voice that Brazil trails Paraguay 1-0 in a World Cup qualifier.
45:00 - And we're off again!
45:09 - Quick shots in succession from Inler and Vonlanthen, with Ricardo holding on to the second shot.
46:05 - Cross from Nani, but Meireles whiffs on his shot.
47:30 - Cross from Yakin is headed by Vonlanthen, but the ball goes wide right of the goal.
48:21 - Free kick for Portugal from 40 yards comes to Postiga, who heads it wide. Postiga was offsides anyway.
49:18 - Pressure down the right side from Behrami results in a cross in to the 6, but Ricardo deals with it well.
50:12 - After a foul by Ribeiro on Yakin, the Swiss free kick is hit directly to Ricardo.
51:19 - Derdiyok with some pressure, but he pokes it through directly on to Ricardo. The Swiss are getting the better of the pressure so far in this half.
52:10 - Meireles plays the ball through to Veolos, who sends a ball to Nani. The youngster puts the shot off the post and it goes wide.
56:30 - After Magnin gets called for a foul on Quaresma, he grabs his face claiming that Quaresma caught him with a boot. Replay shows that it was more of a slap.
57:54 - Senderos loses the ball and Quaresma blasts a shot, but Zuberbuhler punches it clear. The ball comes back in, but Postiga is offsides.
60:13 - Vonlanthen off, Barnetta on for Switzerland.
61:20 - Inler dances down the left side and plays the ball in to Barnetta, whose touch is put wide. The ball is played in to the 6 off the corner and comes back out, but Ribeiro fouls Barnetta. A quickly-taken free kick goes wide of the net.
63:30 - Ribeiro receives a yellow card for clipping Lichtsteiner.
63:50 - The ball gets played around the edge of the box from Behrami, and it falls to Inler who blasts a shot off the post.
67:20 - Yet more pressure from Barentta and Yakin, but the Swiss can't capitalize.
70:00 - Moutinho on, Veloso off for Portugal.
70:30 - GOAL! Switzerland 1 - Portugal 0. The Portuguese make a mess of a clearance, and a beautiful ball is played through to Yakin, who megs Ricardo for the goal.
73:00 - Postiga off, Almeida on for Portugal.
76:00 - A turnover at midfield leads to a break for Portugal, but Quaresma's attempt to play the ball back in to the middle goes off the defender and directly to Zuberbuhler.
77:49 - Yellow card to Meira for jumping on someone's back. Senderos sends the free kick directly to Portugal. The ball comes in the other direction and Quaresma sends a ball towards the goal that Senderos clears.
80:30 - Some shenanigans that I missed because ESPN cut to the other game for a replay of the Turkish goal, but Miguel (POR) and Barnetta (SUI) are both awarded a yellow card.
81:38 - GOAL! Switzerland 2 - Portugal 0. Barnetta is taken down in the box by Meira, and a PK is awarded (a little softly, I might add). Yakin takes the PK and blasts it home past Ricardo (who dove in the right direction). Hard shot into the upper-left 90.
84:03 - Portugal free kick comes in directly to Zuberbuhler, and the Portuguese are livid about not getting a foul called. Also, Lichtsteiner was subbed off for Switzerland, but it's not clear who came on.
85:15 - Yakin off, Cabanas on for Switzerland.
87:50 - Nani, after a bit of dancing along the touchline, is dumped. The resulting free kick is cleared easily by the Swiss.
Tommy Smyth just referred to a "Jason Timberlake" - what a hip dude.
89:49 - Free kick for Portugal is played, but Alves is called for climbing up the back of a Swiss defender.
90:00 (+01:11) - After a shot from Derdiyok, Fernandes cuts down Quaresma in the middle of the pitch and is awarded a yellow card.
90:00 (+02:05) - FULL TIME. Switzerland 2 - Portugal 0.