Scarborough FC were one of the oldest clubs in England until their dissolution in 2007. Formed in 1879, the club was moderately successful through the years, never tasting relegation until 1999. But it's not like they burned up through the leagues either. For the most part, Scarborough were a provincial team, only occasionally making a blip on other team's FA Cup runs.
This changed when they became the first team promoted from the Conference (formed in the 1970s) into full League status. Neil Warnock was the manager when The Seasiders moved up in 1987. Scarborough never moved beyond this level, but came extremely close in 1998. That season, Scarborough finished in the playoff spots for only the second time since moving up to League status. Unfortunately, they were pounded 7-2 over two legs by Torquay United. The next season, Scarborough were relegated on the last day when Carlisle United's on-loan keeper scored an injury time winner which doomed Scarborough back to the Conference by one point.
From there, they were doomed.
The shirt that Scarborough wore during their last great season was, well, odd.
I'm guessing that Errea were both the sponsor and the kit maker here, due to the double prominence of their name inches away from each other. But that's not the real fun. The real fun is what's below.
Obviously, that's a banner of St. George's cross, but what is that underneath? Does the country of Portugal have something to do with Scarborough? Because when I see those two shades of red and green together, that's the first thing I think of.
This being a long sleeved shirt, we see once again oddly constrictive cuffs. What was it with this time that shirt makers thought that long sleeved shirts needed to stay only on the wrist? Maybe it's a Euro thing.
Finally, because I don't want to disappoint, I'll point out the other horror of this shirt. Yes, there is sublimation. No, it doesn't make any sense. Diamonds with waves in them. Great job, shirt designer dude. You've made the best shirt of all time by adding in those sublimated diamonds. Here's a raise.
I guess it's good that Scarborough FC passed away two years ago. Otherwise, some marketing exec would come along in ten years time and try to replicate this shirt as a reminder of the team's glory days. Sometimes death is freedom.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
[Ed.: Yes we know our blog was down this afternoon, no we have no idea why, but we suspect it was the North Koreans]
Wow. After ignoring the country for a while, France has come back with a new level of crazy in their shirts. First it was this rugby-looking pink one, and this week we see a four way tie for worst from FC Lorient. Good times!
FC Lorient unveiled their new range of shirts recently and man, are they awesome. The collection includes the ultra-rare fourth shirt, which is useful when Lorient find themselves up against competition that feature white, orange and black in an equally confusing form.
((*Gotta put First Things First*))
But before we get to that fourth shirt, let's look at the home, away and third shirts in order.
Anyone who has been paying attention to this recurring post for any time knows that I hate cookie-cutter kits, like how Nike recycled their old Mexico look for the new Man U shirt. But this is . . . different. First of all, it's not a standard design (at least I hope it isn't). At least the bottom part where the ocean's waves become seagulls shouldn't be. That check mark that separates the shoulder color from the beer belly seems to be a Duarig corporate emblem worked into the shirt design. Better than sublimation, but only just.
Speaking of the emblem (which really looks like it belongs on old Pony shoes), it shows up on the shirt's sleeves as well as well as covering the kidneys. A bit of overkill there. Think of it like a warning to German shirt makers not to attack on the sides, but instead to go up the back.
This is the lovely fourth shirt. Clearly inspired by your bathroom's old tile floors, this brown and aqua mix will make Lorient the envy of the French footballing world. Can't say much else, other than BLEH.
Another thing to note on these shirts is the amount of ads. Obviously, La Trinitaine Biscuits are the primary sponsor, but there are three other sponsors on here as well. The actual club crest is the small thing centered on the breast bone with the fish and soccer ball. My favorite sponsor is the one on the back. Using both the Euro symbol and a globe (featuring the Americas oddly), I can only guess that this is a call for the New World Order.
The one thing I can say I truly like about these shirts is the inclusion of the flag of Bretagne, or Brittany, the home region of Lorient. I wish that more teams would adopt this type of regionalism into their kits, though this is by no means the lone team that does so. The downside here is that the Brittany flag is so, well, boring. Black and white don't really pop together. Perhaps the team can petition the government of Brittany to change their coloration. I'm sure it has only been in use for a couple of centuries, so that should be no problem.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
I came across this link yesterday, and I must say that I like the new Bradford City shirts. Kind of like a low rent Roma, which may have influenced the signing of Benito Carbone upon their entry into the Premier League in 2000. That signing was a financial disaster, but without getting into grisly specifics, is not the worst disaster Bradford City has faced.
In 1985 Bradford City won their league for the first time in almost 60 years. On the day they were to lift the trophy in front of their home fans, a fire started underneath the dilapidated, and wooden, home stand. Many of the approximately 3000 fans who were in the stand made it to safety, but 56 did not. The main stand was fully consumed by flames within four minutes. This year's Bradford City shirt pays tribute to those lost with an embroidered black ribbon on the back.
A couple of years after the fire, Bradford City was relegated back to Division 3. This is the shirt they wore that year.
How many different stripes does one shirt need? The amber stripes on this shirt all seem to be of uniform width, but the claret ones have three different widths. It's as if Bukta, the shirt's manufacturer could not decide whether to use equal width stripes, pinstripes, or something in between. So they decided to throw all three on there and hope it worked. It didn't.
I can't really tell what's on that badge either. It looks like a boar's head. For a team that is known as The Bantams, and were previously known as the Paraders, this makes no sense. Perhaps it was secondary advertising for a certain maker of sliced meat that the team tried to slip under the radar?
As for the shirt sponsor itself, modern-day Grattan in the UK seems to be the rough equivalent of Sears or Ross in the US--a store which sells a wide range of items, but has a focus on clothing, especially women's. No wonder then that the shirt above was the last season that Grattan sponsored Bradford City. With fashion advertising like that, who would need rivals to steal business?
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
US Boulogne Côte d'Opale will be the new kids on the block in Ligue 1 next season. I mean that literally. Founded in 1898, the club earned promotion to France's top level for the first time after edging out Strasbourg for the third and final promotion spot out of Ligue 2.
So, why are they here? Because they are bringing some of the worst shirts imaginable up with them, that's why.
The first thing that strikes me about Boulogne is the rather odd sight of not one, but two Madagascar flags on their roster. Of the 50 or so players listed on Wikipedia as recent call ups for Madagascar, Boulogne's players--Faneva Andriastima and Paulin Voavy--are two of the three players cited who play for any European club. Let's just say they are a novelty.
Not a novelty--the shirt below. Unfortunately, it was seen way too much.
Best I can figure, since I am not a Francophone (nor did I actually look too hard), this was the away shirt during last season's highly successful Ligue 2 campaign. Considering that the home shirt was a much more palatable red and black striped shirt, I can guess that pulling out this week's effort was met with a certain amount of disdain by the fashion conscious French. The Malagasy contingent probably did not care as much.
I guess, though, that we as footie fans should consider ourselves lucky. For there is a Rugby squad in France that has a history of odd shirt choices. And when they go pink, whether it's with flowers, lightning bolts, a Warhol print or tie-dye, it is always worse than the Boulogne shirt.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
By virtue of multiple requests, here it is, the Italian shirt as worn in the Confederations Cup. Be warned, I don't hate it as much as you may think I do despite the sublimated print.
First, a little background. The lighter blue is actually azure and is somewhat of a throwback look for the team. Unlike the US pulling out 3/4 sleeved shirts with restrictive cuffs, Italy opted for an updated style with old colors. The color scheme comes from the Italian teams of the 1930s, winners of the 1934 and '38 World Cups as well as Olympic champions in 1936. Not a bad decade to emulate. But maybe without all the Fascism.
For the shirt itself, I like the color. A lot. I'm not wild about the sublimation, but it's better than most. By utilizing the sublimation so heavily, it almost looks like diagonal pinstripes in the end. The flair of the shirt comes from the stripe on the left which is red, white and green--the colors of the Italian flag.
One thing that is missing from the internets is any trace of the brown shorts that Italy wore while dispatching the US on Monday. All of the pre-release hype centered on the kit having white shorts, so unfortunately, there is no dissection from me on those. From what I saw, I liked, as the brown was dark and chocolate enough as to mesh well with the shirt.
One thing I am just enamored with that Puma has done for this kit are the special shoes. As part of a package deal, Puma produced some of their King boots in chocolate with azure and white accents. The result is simply stunning.
I warning you now, though. As much as I like the way this kit goes together, if I see anyone of you with this on, I may flip out. Especially if you put Rossi's name on it. You would be well-served to watch your back at that point, as it's likely a pie in the face is coming your way.
Thanks to Football Fashion and Soccer Bible for the images.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
I hate it when this happens. You get so busy with other things that you forget what day of the week it is. That happened to me yesterday, which is why a Wednesday came and went without a weekly installment of this recurring feature. My apologies to anyone who noticed and cared. Of course, if you did not notice or care, then my apologies for wasting your time with this paragraph.
Torquay United are coming back to the Football League after a two-year absence. The Gulls finished bottom of the table in 2007, 13 points adrift of safety in League Two. They nearly bounced right back up in 2008, finishing third in the conference, but were beaten out in the playoffs by Exeter City. Last season it was Torquay's turn to go up through the playoffs, a feat accomplished after a 2-0 win over Canbridge United.
Before their woeful 2006-07 season, Torquay had been in the Football League for 80 consecutive seasons, despite never advancing higher that the third tier. That's pretty impressive. Of course, if it were up to me, I'd have kicked them out of the league in 1992-93 for wearing such an ugly shirt, and a cheap ripoff at that.
Here's what I don't understand. It's obvious that this shirt is trying to use the same Umbro template that showed up in Northern Ireland, among others, at the time. Unfortunately, Torquay must not have been able to afford paying Unbro prices, so they got a knockoff from a company that advertises team kits in the back of football magazines. This shirt is so cheap, there is not even a manufacturer's logo on it. It's almost like No Logo got published a decade earlier, if you disregard the shirt sponsor and team badge. Oh wait, the manufacturer logo is on the sleeves. Yeah, so, not so much then.
As you can barely see in this closer view, there is some kind of pattern-within-a-pattern thing going on. Doesn't make it any better.
The real crime, as far as I am concerned, is how this shirt minimizes the team badge. If you did not know better, you'd feel safe in an assumption that the badge is the manufacturer logo, probably some company that starts with an M. Coincidentally, Matchwinner made this shirt. Perhaps that was planned on their part?
As an aside, the movement ascribed to No Logo never really took off did it? Besides Radiohead, did anyone take this manifesto seriously? Corporations have their logos in more spaces than ever before. Perhaps it's time for a fresh sequel from a less earnest, more thoughtful author who self-publishes instead of using a publisher who put their logo on the front cover. Just a thought.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
We don't talk a lot about Northern Irish football here on the site. In fact, if it weren't for a link to this fine lovely in Backpasses a while back (NSFW-ish), then I don't know that the subject of the IFA premiership would have ever come up. Hideous at just a glance, this Glentoran shirt reveals some special surprises with a longer and closer look.
Glentoran are one of the big two in Northern Irish football, along with Linfield (the team in the above link). The 1960s were the international high water mark for the club. In successive years, the club played Panathinaikos, Antwerp, Rangers and a Eusebio-led Benfica to tight losses. In fact, Glentoran were the first team to lose out on the away goals rule, which happened in the Benfica tie in 1967. Not bad for a team described as part-timers. Glentoran also had a North American presence at the time, running the Detroit Cougars franchise in the ill-fated United Soccer Association in 1967 (Aberdeen were the Washington Diplomats).
That's all very well and fine, but in 1992, Glentoran wore this shirt:
I've said it before. You have to be careful with red and green. Too much of both and you look like Christmas, or worse. This is worse. That design on the green is just plain bad as well. What's with that, you ask? Let's see:
Hey, sublimated print! An old favorite (which seems to be making a comeback, BTW). And why does it look like a builder's logo? In all honesty, I would look at this and think a roofing company was behind the club. But that's not all. They may be tucked away in the picture, but this is the Umbro style that had lace-up at the neck. Cantona may have been able to pull off the Manchester United version, but I doubt anyone with similar continental flair played for Glentoran at the time. They just need to stick with something like this, and be done with it.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
There is a big to do happening today, isn't there? Something about champions of Europe, blah, blah, blah, complete with its own theme song. Must be a big deal. Anyway, to get you started off in some kind of mood as you kill the last few hours before the big game, here we go.
(Oh, and none of that pretending like you're not going to pay attention to the game. We and you both know that you are going to be staring at some kind of screen for this thing.)
It's the rare shirt that gets highlighted here which is contemporary. It's a first (I think) when the week's shirt is from the future. If you've seen the next Barcelona away strip, then you know what is in store. If not, steel yourself, because there is no turning back once you have hit the jump.
What color is that, exactly? I've seen it listed as Mango, but I think it comes off more as a salmon. Either way it's pink. Also, since it's no longer 2003, men aren't supposed to wear pink anymore. Barcelona must not have received my meticulously worded memo to that effect, or else I did not get it properly translated into Catala.
That color is horrid. The worst part may be how dismally it meshes with the usual flourishes of the Barcelona shirt. Staring at the badge now makes one queasy just because of the border that surrounds it. The same thing goes for the Catalan flag on the back of the collar. At least the trim, in navy, works OK there.
The sad thing is that I don't even think the shirt is the worst part of the uniform. Check out the socks.
Maybe, standing alone in a picture, they're not so bad. But these are the socks that Thierry Henry will have pulled all the way up to his lower thigh (should he stay). Now picture them. Not so pretty is it? In fact, these socks may force Henry to start a new trend--pushing the socks down and tucking them behind the shinguards. I know I would.
At least one of the other guys on the blog made the comment that these shirts look like Pepto Bismol in color. I, of course, would object, since I had another shirt pegged with that comparison. Instead I offer up that these shirts look like what happens when one ingests the Pepto a little too late and then it comes back up with your escaping stomach acids. Unfortunately, I can say that I've been able to see that exact color. Food poisoning is a bitch. And so are these shirts, on the eyes.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
Let's just get three things out of the way. One, Shakhtar Donetsk shirts are not the easiest things to find on the net. Two, if the Ukrainian club were not in today's UEFA Cup final, this shirt would merit no attention at this time. Maybe, down the road, when we hit week number 482 of this column, it would fit, but now is not the time. Oh well. And three, Shakhtar's opponent, Werder Bremen, has a whole host of shirts that I could use here, but I did them once already. And I only use the repeat offenders tag for clubs that truly deserve it.
Anyway, let's go take a look at a recent ugly, but not horrible, shirt from the team that, half an hour before kickoff, I am declaring UEFA Cup champions.
Okay, so orange and black aren't the most inspired choices to put together. Look how well it has worked for the Cleveland Browns, you know? But this shirt isn't really bad, it's merely unpleasant. The big problem is that the shirt colors, and these are their normal colors, are nothing like the badge. You look at that badge and you see a more reddish orange, black and green. Why change the orange for the shirt? It makes no sense.
And about that badge. The badge on the shirt is significantly different than the one we put up in the UEFA Cup open thread immediately preceding this post. If this shirt is only from 2007 (which it is), then why the big change there? Apparently the big pull was to get the crossed hammers back onto the crest after 30 years of absence. Couldn't tell you why, but last year, Shakhtar made the switch. The new crest, at least, drops the green field, though the oranges still differ between the badge and the shirt. My favorite part about the badge change is the change in spelling. I know that it's in Cyrillic, but I have to wonder why the spelling changed from "WAXMEP" to "WAXTAP"
Obviously, it's a little hard to work up some vitriol for a relatively benign shirt. This is one of those that resides in the Bad camp, but only just. Next week, I promise, we'll return to WTF territory.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
Dammit. I thought I had found them all. But no. There was one team that wore plaid well before everyone else. In fact, by my count, they wore it almost 40 years before the plaid shirt craze started in Scotland. Dundee FC, the pride of Tayside (not really what they are called) and Bobby McMahon's favorite club (yep), wore this week's abomination back in 1953.
I have to admit that I had my doubts about this shirt actually having existed. Toffs says that the club wore this shirt on a South African tour back in the middle of last century, but the Dundee website makes no mention of what surely would have been a groundbreaking tour on their official website. It wasn't until I did a little digging that I found confirmation, though the colors are a little different (to my eyes). Anyway, without further ado, here it is.
Hmmm. Black, red and teal. What better way to stoke interest in your club abroad, one whose proud history has featured a dark blue kit since the 1880s (regardless of what the badge says above), than to put together these colors in plaid? What kind of branding and marketing genius put it together? I understand the idea of playing to stereotype on the tour, but why not make the plaid in blue, white and maybe a little red?
The answer, if there is one, may lie in historic family colors from the area. Unfortunately, I do not know. I do know that the city's flag and crest are blue and white, so it could not have some from that. If someone has an answer, I'd surely like to hear it.
This shirt does deserve some merit as it is the first (as far as I can tell) to use a plaid pattern in Scotland. But what, really, does that mean? To paraphrase the old joke, first is really no better than second at the Special Olympics. OK, that's harsh on the Special Olympians. I have had some rewarding days volunteering at the Special Olympics. I see no reward in wearing this shirt.
But wait, there's more! In a teaser to a long, upcoming post (or even a series of posts), good ol' BD sent me some pictures of shirts from his closet. Betcha didn't know that Norwish also fell for the plaid craze, did you? Well, you would if you are a Norwich fan of a specific age, I guess. Anyway, East Anglia was a hotbed for the tartan look too, apparently.
But that's not all! It seems that plaids are not dead in the modern day. This week, Celtic released their new European kit for 2009-10. While it's not the shirt that will be plaid, the shorts will be. Please, oh please, let this be the start of a new and wonderful trend.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
Good morning, or should I say Góðan morgun? I'm not entirely sure, as Toot & Puddle have not visited the Faroe Islands yet. Once they do, I'll be sure to get it correct. Until then, I'll just have to guess.
One thing I won't have to guess about is why B68 Toftir play in a stadium that holds 7000 people when the town itself only has 1200 inhabitants. Svangaskarð used to be the national stadium for the Faroes until Tórsvøllur opened in Tórshavn in 2000. Confused on how to read any of that? If you are, then good, that was my intention.
B68 are so named, in part, because they formed in 1968. They are a yo-yo team these days, hopping in between the Faroe Premier League (Formuladeildin) and the First Division (1. Deild). That wasn't always the case. B68 won the Premier League title three times in the 80s and 90s, the most recent coming in 1992. They did not, however, win a title in this week's shirt, nor did they deserve to.
The obvious question here is why did Umbro choose to trot out this shirt as a template for anyone else? Making the mistake once is bad enough, but why sell it to anyone else? And who signed off on this for B68? Yucks all around.
As for the shirt, my gripes are the same as they were for Ajax. Triangles, rhombi, and pinstripes. No good can come out of these, and nothing is changed here. I will say that this shirt looks even worse, just because the club crest is so lame and generic. My youth club teams did better than that. Barely, but they did.
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In an attempt to cleanse the palate, I offer you what I think of whenever I see this club's name, the song 68 by Jawbox. This version is inferior to the Savory+3 version, but good nonetheless.
You know what--F**k it. This is now a Jawbox video post.
Now that I've totally done it, I'm going full rip off and saying thank you for your continued support of Unprofessional Foul. I'm such a tool.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
Spare a thought for KV Mechelen. Twenty years ago, the club was the best they would ever be. In 1987-88, in their first ever European competition, Mechelen won the Cup Winner's Cup, defeating Ajax 1-0 in the Final. Later that year, Mechelen trumped PSV in the Super Cup 3-1 over two legs. In 1988-89, Mechelen attempted to defend its CWC title, making it to the Semis before bowing out to Sampdoria 4-2 on aggregate. In 1989-90, at the seeming apex of the team, Mechelen made it to the Quarters of the European Cup (now Champions League), losing to eventual champion AC Milan in extra time after holding the Italian giants scoreless for 180 minutes.
Then, things went south fast. The chairman of the club was forced to sell off players because his business was losing money (beware Oligarch-held UK teams). The team fell all the way to the Belgian Third Division in the early 2000s before ascending to their current bottom-half positioning in the Jupiler League.
None of that heartbreak excuses this week's shirt. While I do not have the vintage on this shirt, I know it is not from the year they won the CWC. That shirt, while not the prettiest, has nothing on the horror that Mechelen heaped on its team in later years.
The first thing that I, as a person whose first ever professional match was at Dens Park, noticed was the badge. Mechelen's badge looks suspiciously like Dundee FC's. While I'm not going to debate which came first, I will say that Dundee had their crest on their shirt by 1988, something that Mechelen, as seen in the link above, did not.
But wait, there's so much more. The most obvious thing to talk about is that color scheme. At first glance, this looks like it could be an elasticated black and yellow striped jersey, with the red being the result of said elastic being stretched out by one especially prodigious beer belly. Sadly that's not the case. As you can see in this picture,
the change in color is almost a Pointillist effect. This would be a nice tribute if some practitioner of that style of painting came from Mechelen, but none did. Instead, it's just the kind of thing that gives you eye strain when you get too close, much like Pointillism itself.
The other thing you really have to wonder about with this shirt is the sponsor. Hmm, Lease Plan. Is that like Naming Rights Stadium? Turns out, it's not. It is some Dutch company that, from their company-written wiki, "consists of a growing international network of companies engaged in fleet and vehicle management services, mainly through"--wait for it--"operational leasing". Glad to clear that up. Maybe sometime over the last 45 years of business, they could have thought up a new name. I mean, it worked for Altria, right?
Anyway, yeah, this shirt is bad, and it will make you look like a fatty if you wear it, no matter how skinny you think you are. Also, I really didn't get a chance to fit it in, but I have to tell you that the club's nickname, in its native Dutch, is De Kakkers. I assume we are all immature enough to get a snigger out of that (but not out of snigger, because then you'd be a bigot).
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
I have to admit, I am at a loss. Usually I can come across these shirts and, within a couple of minutes of googling, know who they belong to. Not this time, though. Instead I have a pretty bad shirt with no idea who it belongs to. So I need your help. Tell me which team sported this beauty shirt.
Yowza. How's that for a design? It looks like someone sponge-painted the bathroom, then leaned against the wet wall with this shirt. Plus, as an added bonus, there are some fossils on the bottom right of the shirt. I can't really tell what they are, but they're interesting to look at nonetheless. The real fun of this shirt, though, comes when viewed from a second angle.
What in the hell? All of a sudden, with a different angle from the light, this shirt turns into snakeskin. Turn this shirt into a pair of Bon Jovi boots (Wanted Dead or Alive era), STAT! I am confused and intrigued by this early-90s era Puma innovation. Why didn't this take off with other teams? As we've seen before, sublimation was all the rage, why not sublimate being a rattler?
Back to the request. The page I got this from lists this as being the 1990-91 shirt for something called BNZ Swarovski Innsbruck. Unfortunately, when you search "BNZ Swarovski Innsbruck", the only site that comes up is the one linked above (and, eventually, this page I'm sure). A wider search shows that a team called FC Swarovski Tirol once existed in Innsbruck. That team became FC Tirol Innsbruck (a team which has since folded), but no logo exists that matches what is on this shirt (assuming the S with a dot is a logo and not a sponsor). I would have believed this was the team, but there is also a WSG Swarovski Wattens that still exists. Their badge and colors do not match either, so I'm not sure.
All of that said, when FC Swarovski Tirol existed, they did take on Liverpool in the UEFA Cup back in 1991. Perhaps some nice Scouser can dip into the way back machine and remember/find proof of playing a team in this shirt. Unfortunately, all I've been able to find so far is a matchday programme which has no pics of the visiting club, at least on the cover.
Happy hunting, and thank you.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
Everyone loves a bad shirt. Not to wear, mind you, but to laugh at. Every once in a while, we get tips at the email address pointing us toward some other horror. I appreciate the links, but it's rare to see a shirt I had no idea existed and am repulsed by. Yesterday brought one of those emails.
CA Spora Luxembourg existed from 1923 until 2005, when it merged with two other clubs to form Racing FC Union Luxembourg. Now that's a mouthful. Anyway, the club was moderately successful, winning the league 11 times and the cup eight times. Spora made 11 European appearances as well, even winning two matches in the process, though never advancing out of the first round.
Now that you know the background, let's look at the shirt.
Since the phantom emailer (whom I will gladly name or link to should he or she get back to me and approve) was compiling his or her own list on bad shirts, he or she will get first words on what you are looking at. (seriously, please get back to me, the "male or female" bits are the scourge of the English language)Came across your enjoyable blog whilst compiling my own top ten of egregious football shirts. Needless to say, there was a lot of overlap, but I was surprised to find the aberration which topped my own list thus far absent from yours. I give you (with the original commentary):
And that's how you ingratiate yourself with us--call our blog enjoyable before you point out our failings. Easy enough?
1: Spora Luxembourg, early 90s. How about this for an overdose of what-the-shuddering-fuck? The broad interrupted stripes make my head spin. The lurid primary colours set my eyelid twitching. The less said about the white wedge thing, the better. But what really drives me over the edge is the beehive/cobweb/old lady's pashmina pattern on the sleeves. Christ on stilts, we have a winner!
Anyway, yes, this shirt is horrific. It comes from the 1990-91 season. Interestingly enough, this shirt appeared right after Spora won its last domestic title in 1989. Is that a coincidence? I leave you to decide for yourself.
What strikes me when looking at this shirt, beyond the obviously ugly nature of it all, it the shirt's manufacturer. We have met before. Now I have proof that they worked as poorly in color as they did in black and white. When the calenders turned to 1990, did these teams say "let's find the worst short maker imaginable and give them business"? Because Blacky was definitely that bad.
To expand on the emailer's points above, I have to note both the sleeve cuffs, which appear rather restrictive, and that horrible V-necked collar. The collar is especially bad because, right where the ladies would be able to see a tuft of manly chest hair (remember the year here), Blacky put a swatch of blue cloth. As if the morals of the day dictated that any such display of upper chest would be lawless. WASP-y behavior, to be sure.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
You don't need to press me, I will readily admit it. I know next to nothing about Sierra Leone, especially when it comes to their soccer heritage. The one thing I do know--that Houston Dynamo striker Kei Kamara comes from the country--I know because of Beta testing Football Manager Live. He was on my team, you see.
I have no idea if Kamara is even on the Sierra Leone national team. I have no idea who his teammates would be if he did represent his home country. What I do know is that if Kamara does get a call up, he would wear one of the worst shirts of all time.
ROAR! What can you say otherwise? That is very definitely a lion, or cougar, or other big cat at the bottom of this shirt. There is also a Rorschach test included at the top. I don't know what you may see, but I've got a lemur peeking out at me from right above the badge.
I'm serious. I do not know what the top half of the shirt is supposed to show. If someone can just tell me it's a sailboat, or schooner, I'd appreciate the time saved in staring at it.
There is actually a pretty cool story behind this shirt. A charity in Denmark was doing work in Sierra Leone, which is one of the poorest countries in the world. Hummel, the Danish manufacturer, became the country's shirt sponsor and declared that 8% of the sales of these shirts would be earmarked to said charity. Doesn't make up for the shirt being so ugly, but it helps a little.
Anyway, yeah. I just need someone to tell me what I'm looking at up top. Are those mountains, or are they a Danish man's interpretation of a vagina? I really have no idea. Please help.
UPDATE: An anonymous tipster has let me know that the top image may be an elevation map of Sierra Leone.
Thanks to Football Fashion for the pics and story.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
Ah, Germany. You've given us so much already. How did I know that if I went back to the well there would be something waiting for me? Because you are so very much you, and you just cannot change.
On thing you definitively cannot change is the past. And you did a lot of stupid crap in the past. Never, though, have I seen one team pull off three outstandingly bad jerseys in a row. At least, not until I investigated your Kaiserslautern team, Germany. Then I knew that bad decisions could and would be repeated within you borders. Of course, that's your 20th Century history in general, Germany, but I guess you knew that.
The start of the 1990s were heady days for the Southwest German club. The decade kicked off with a win in the German Cup to close the 1989-90 season. That was immediately followed up with a Bundesliga championship in 1990-91, a win whose memory can only be soured by the fact that they had to wear these shirts.
So, was someone at Uhlsport or Kaiserslautern a big backgammon fan? Because that is the distinct impression I get when looking at this shirt. All it needs are those little red and black checkers, though I suppose the club and sponsor badges are a start.
For the 1991-92 season, Kaiserslautern did what clubs are wont to do--make fans buy a new replica because the design has changed. The club moved away from the purple highlights of the previous shirt, and went with just red, white and black. 
Oh, and they added check boxes. So, if you wanted to have a vote of some kind, you could just write the choices on the shirt and let friends check off whichever one they liked. Or maybe the club has a sawfish for a mascot, I don't know. What I do know is that this shirt may have featured the most sublimated pinstripes ever recorded on a football shirt.
Deciding that two bad shirts in a row wasn't enough, and that relative symmetry was for the birds, Kaiserslautern and Uhlsport (who must be held equally responsible) unleashed a new shirt in time for the 1992-93 season.
What do you even say? On some level it looks like a white bandage has been ripped off of the top middle of an all-red shirt and is hovering just above, producing a black shadow. Beyond that, there are some pipes, possibly indicating someone with an architectural fetish for getting rid of waste.
Now the question is asked. Which of these is the worst? We'll take your vote below.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
Selangor is a state in the country of Malaysia. Oddly, the state's FA has a club side which competes in the Malay football system. I say oddly, but this seems to be the way Malay football works. Anyway, Selangor is a pretty damn successful side, having won the Malaysia Cup a staggering 32 times in their 62 year history. The team also plays in a behemoth of a park--the Shah Alam Stadium--which holds 81,000 people.
Last season, the club finished a somewhat disappointing fourth place in league. Tie in that the team has not won a trophy since 2005, and it is clear that Selangor need a goal to shoot for. Luckily for them, they have a manager (also their CEO) with a plan.
Zakaria ab Rahim is that manager. He has set his goal that Selangor will be the best football team in Asia by the middle of the next decade. He calls that plan Vision 2015, which is ironic since, after viewing this week's shirt, my vision has been harmed.
Oh, Puma. Why did you ever agree to put out this shirt? And then sponsor the shirt?
Ye Gods, this is horrific, isn't it? One diagonal stripe, a la River Plate, is workable. Muchos diagonal stripes--no thank you. Of course, it's made worse by that choice of green. I guess that would be a mint green? The red is a nice strong hue, but that green is hideous.
Granted, this shirt comes from 20+ years ago, but come on. Did no one have taste back then? At least the Scots, as highlighted last week, waited until the '90s to pull out their ugly shirts. Jorge Campos, too. This is just too much, even for a season that saw Selangor competing in the Asian Club Championship. Too much.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
Last week's look at Watford's '90s stylings led Goat to ask if anyone had ever worn a flannel third shirt in the same time period. Amused by this, and armed with too much knowledge on the Scottish game, I answered that the closest we could get was Scotland's temporary plaid (for ease of reading, I am going to refer to all tartan patterns as plaid; I'm American that way) shirt rage. I even stated that a round up post would be nice. Since I figured that no one else was going to do it (because I am quite tight-fisted with these posts), I decided to take a look back.
None of these are good, some are quite bad, and one team earns WTF status for going to the well at least three times.
This is the best place to start. Yes, Scotland wore a plaid home shirt back in the '90s. I even own one. I pull it out for special occasions. You know--those days where I really don't care what I look like. No, I have no idea why they made the sleeves solid. I guess they were trying to keep away from overkill.
East Fife used plaid as a third jersey. Not too bad, it just looks like a golf pullover.
Kilmarnock also used a plaid pattern. This one looks more like a pair of boxer shorts I had in high school. Plus, I think those are buttons. A pair of suspenders and this shirt is great for a skinhead.
This was St. Johnstone's effort. The listing for this shirt implied it was used for a special occasion. I don't know about that, but I do know that this was from the time when the team manufactured its own shirts. Presumably because it could not find a decent sponsorship deal. It's liveable, considering.
It might be going a little too far to call this a plaid. The colors don't quite interplay correctly and it's terribly plain. Still, I do think Partick Thistle were trying to copy some other teams on the plaid bandwagon, and this is how it turned out. Bloody awful, especially with that sponsor logo.
The most dubious entry of the day, though, is Peterhead's. The rendering of this kit sure does look like it's meant to be plaid, but the one picture I saw, which purports to be from the same year, is definitely not. I will argue that the two shirts have enough differences in sleeve and collar style and color that the linked pic may be from the previous season. I'll put this one in the maybe column.
Raith Rovers get a special commendation for not following the herd. They did not put out their version of a plaid shirt until the new century. A bit dark, but possibly the most wearable of all of these.
But the real winner in the plaid sweepstakes is Greenock Morton (just Morton if you must). For a team that usually wears blue and white hoops, these are just odd.
See these? These are from the same season. The one on top was the home shirt. The second one was the third shirt. In between, a plain yellow shirt sufficed for the away games. My question is: which team could they have possibly played that would clash with both the blue plaid and bright yellow shirts enough to warrant a third shirt that season?
And this is where it got ridiculous. Somewhere along the way, Morton decided that they really missed that plaid home shirt from the '90s and decided that 2005 was the right time to bring back the look. Why, oh why?
While I'm guessing that this list is not definitive, I have not been able to find any other occurrences of Scottish teams wearing plaid. If you know of some, shoot us an answer in the comments or at the email address. Finally, I must thank both Historical Football Kits and Old Football Shirts (and the people who upload there). Without those two sites, This would have been a much shorter post.
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