Euro Eulogy: The Netherlands

Joep Smeets has rejoined us once more, although this time, his prose is decidedly more maudlin, thanks to the manner in which Russia dismantled the Oranje this past weekend.

Joep, the floor is yours. Just limit the tears, please.

I am entirely too disappointed right now to search for the humidity level in Basel for last night, but it must have been one-of-a-kind. For this was no ordinary humidity; not only was it high enough to completely slow down the Dutch, it also appeared to have no apparent effect on the Russians whatsoever. Holland looked slow, uninterested and all around rather lethargic. Russia, on the other hand, kept up an amazing pace for not just 90, but 120 minutes.

We Dutch are at a loss for words. It is not as if we haven’t been eliminated before. We’ve gotten used to the feeling over time. But what we’re not used to is the enormous yawning void that comes with being eliminated and having absolutely no one to blame but yourself.

Last tournament, it was those dirty Portuguese, the one before that it was our idiot coach, who we were quick to renounce as one of our own – and thusly, not blaming ourselves – after substituting the best player on the field for an old has-been who was to mark Nedved. I’m no English native speaker, but I always thought that the word "marking" meant that you had to be able to at the very least keep up with a player to do so. Which didn’t happen.

In 2002 we weren’t there, but we had put the blame of the failure to qualify firmly on the shoulders of the unlikable Louis van Gaal, so no problem there then.

I could go on for a while like this, but I’d rather not mention the debacle that was the Euro 2000 semis, when we missed five (five!!!) penalties in front of a home crowd.

This year there is no-one to blame. The last time that happened was 1998, and we comforted ourselves rather successfully with the thought that we had played pretty football, and because goals are such an arbitrary manner with which to decide who is the better team, we didn’t hesitate for one second to claim the moral victory, which we could live with.

It may not have gotten us any silverware, but silverware is for the flashy, and the most common saying in Holland isn’t “doe maar gewoon, dan doe je al gek genoeg”, which roughly translates to “just act low-key, that’s crazy enough as it is”, so we could do without crass trash like trophies.

We briefly considered a couple of candidates; the referee, naturally, because that is every football fan’s first gut reaction.

We could bitch about the absolutely shocking decision not to send off that Russian defender – and we will, believe me, at great length – towards the end of the game, because the charge he made on Sneijder had occurred after the ball had crossed the backline.

This decision, which effectively rules any contact between players when the ball is out of play to be fair game, is the only measly thing we can think of to vindicate us.

Unfortunately for us, it isn’t even enough to claim a moral victory.

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Euro 2008 Liveblog: The Netherlands v. Russia

Alright kids, this is a tag-team effort (I'm Brutus the Barber Beefcake), as The Fan's Attic might not be here until right before the beginning of the match. On tap today is the Netherlands (the Dutch; the Low Countries) versus the Russians. The most obvious match-up talk is about Guus Hiddink coaching the Russians against his own country. A better match-up to discuss? The models!

Dewi Diegen: She doesn't look like a Double-D to me.

Natasha Poly: We salute you too!

Based on this highly scientific research method, one would presume that Russia will win this match. Join us after the jump for all of the details.




The starting XI for Guus Hiddink's Russian squad:

GK - Akinfeev
DEF - Anyukov; Ignashevich; Kolodin; Zhirkov
MID - Semak (C); Zyryanov; Semshov; Saenko
ST - Pavlyuchenko; Arshavin

And the starting XI for Marco Van Basten's Dutch side:

GK - Van der Sar (C)
DEF - Boulahrouz; van Bronckhorst; Mathijsen; Ooijer
MID - Engelaar; De Jong; Sneijder; Van der Vaart; Kuyt
ST - Van Nistelrooy


This match is being played at St. Jakob Park in Basel.

Centre official: Lubos Michel (SVK)
Assistant referees: Roman Slysko (SVK); Martin Balko (SVK)
4th official: Massimo Busacca (SUI)

2 important points for this match:
(1) to the relief of announcers and livebloggers everywhere, Saenko is in for the Russians in the starting line-up, replacing Bilyaletdinov; and
(2) if we are lucky, we will see the classy Ruud van Nistelrooy repeat these antics:





TFA here, just finished doing some wedding stuff. That's right, some lucky broad bagged me. Gentlemen, let me tell, wedding stuff blows. It's stressful and expensive.

So, babes, ballers and anthems right now. Russians singing. Dutch singing. I don't understand a word of it.

Holland is wearing all orange and Russia in all white. Monochromosity at it's finest. Although, I woudn't mind seeing some baby blue accents on the Dutch kits.

I'm out of the prediction business today, as it seems each prediction I make goes horribly wrong immediately after I make it. That said, I am really looking forward to this match.

0:00 We're off.

2:00 Boulahrouz Ooijer fouls a Russian like the guy was responsible for his daughter's death Boulahrouz's daughters death. Too soon?

4:00 Commenter/Contributor The NY Kid says HD soccer makes him happy in the pants. I couldn't agree more. Well, not about him being happy in the pants, but HD soccer is a wet dream come true.

6:00 Wow! Incredible save by Van der Sar on a Zhirkov free kick right over the wall to the near post. VDS just got a hand on it to steer it around the post. Holland gives up a corner but nothing results.

8:00 Pavlyuchenko puts a header on the top of the net. Great opportunity for Russia and Holland's defense looks like its back to its normal form. All Russia so far.

10:00 Guus Hiddink has learned from WWII. You don't fight a two front war. He's only focusing on the offense. Not the defense. Sound strategy if you ask me. Kinda like my strategy with women...I only focus on the looks, not the brains.

12:00 My pants are doing lovely with the HD soccer. Thanks for asking. Still clean though.

13:00 Holland really can't do anything right now. No chances on goal yet. On the HD tip, the pitch really doesn't look good. It was replaced after the monsoon last week during the Austria-Turkey match. There are lots of brown patches where the grass is either dead or somewhat bare.

15:00 After the first free kick from Zhirkov, his second is quite disappointing.


19:00 Sloth offside by a metric mile, however far that is.

Sneijder has the first good chance for Holland after a nifty pull behind move that avoided a Russian tackle only to have his thunderous shot blocked.

22:00 The Russian strategy seems to push it up the right side to keep van Bronckhorst from storming up the sideline and whipping in crosses. The Dutch don't seem capable of shutting this down right now. Because Russia just did it again and the ball sailed through the box, fortunately Pavlyuchenko couldn't get a touch on it.

24:00 Zyranov over the ball and sends in a cross that is knocked out, but right lofted back in for VDS to clean up.

26:00 Ooijer lofts a long ball to Boulahrouz towards the box and wins a corner. Van der Vaart sends in a lovely corner. He's really good at those, and then the rebound goes to Engelaar who rockets in a shot just wide. Ooijer almost got a touch that would have put Holland up one.

29:00 Ouch. Kolodin fouls Van Nistelrooy hard. Didn't even touch the ball. Van der Vaart sends another great ball into the box and van Nistlerooy can't get a touch on a ball he gets 9 out of 10 times.

31:00 This Van der Vaart fellow is really good. Somebody should try and sign him.

Wow, on the counter, Arshavin gets in and VDS just tips the shot that may or may not have been headed to the side netting. Corner. On the ensuing corner the ball comes out to Kolodin 35 yards out and he rifles in a shot that VDS pushes over. Really good stuff from Russia.

32:00 Kolodin with another laser from long range. There more like ballistic missiles than shots.

34:00 Sneijder tries something resembling a shot but not really. Kinda like how Amy Winehouse kinda resembles a sober person.

So, back to this Van der Vaart fellow. Really good. Liverpool should sign him. Hell, he's probably worth the money just because of his hot wife. Sylvie Van der Vaart.



While I was perusing pictures of Sylvie Van der Vaart, there were a couple of chances for both sides. Holland just can't get that final touch and Russia is getting stymied by VDS.

40:00 Sneijder with a "fuck it, i'm going deep" moment. His 40 yard free kick deflected off the wall and the Russian keep had no problem.

41:00 Van der Vaart with another excellent free kick the de Jong just can't get his head on. He was clear on goal.

42:00 Zyranov sends a nice ball into the box to another ___ov who just can't get a handle.

44:00 Van der Vaart with a shot directly into Akinfeev, shoulda scored. From here on out Van der Vaart is VDV.

45:00 +1 Whistle.

Halftime After a slow start, Holland started to really pick up the pace, lacing numerous shots in with several clear cut chances going begging. Russia was very dangerous on the counters though, exploiting a weaker Dutch defense. Netherlands really need to do something about those crosses, otherwise Russia is going to get a score. VDV and VDS were great in the half. The former with numerous excellent free kicks and the latter with some great saves keeping Holland in the game. Pavlyuchenko, Arshavin and Kolodin peppered the Dutch goal...Kolodin from the Red Square.

Good match so far. See you in a few.

A few linernotes before returning to the match. As far as the wedding stuff goes, I am trying to help out to earn some bonus points that I can use later on.

Julie Foudy really is terrible. She just tries too hard and can put her thoughts into words very well. I'd still do her, but hey, I only focus on the looks.

46:00 And we're back on the clock. Robin Van Persie is on and gets a shot right away. Just not on goal. Kuyt came off for RVP. Not sure that is a good move. Kuyt is one of the few midfielders that seems to get back on defense for the Dutch.

49:00 Again VDV drops a great ball in the box but no Dutch players can get in on the end. Turrible.

51:00 Boulahrouz booked on a late tackle.

52:00 Mathijsen cleans up in the box after Russia had broke down the defense and was heading to goal.

54:00 Heitinga on for Boulahrouz. Then a yellow for Van Persie after elbowing Zyranov in the face.

56:00 Arshavin sends a great ball in on goal on the free kick but it goes just wide.

But now GOAL!!!! for Pavlyuchenko on a Arshavin Semak cross.



58:00 Russia breaks down the defense again, Sayenko just off target. Holland should really try to stop the Russians. I know brilliant advice.

60:00 VDV gets a yellow for a "Glasgow Kiss" Mr. Smyth tells me. Saenko with a bloody nose.

61:00 VDV chips one on goal trying to catch the keep off his line.

62:00 Engelaar off for Afellay. I have a feeling this is not a good move.

Another trademark RVP shot...30 yards over the goal.

64:00 Smyth just tells us that VDV has done nothing all game. Bollocks, I say. Bollocks!!! VDV has sent in numerous free kicks into the box that were picture perfect but nobody can get on the end of them. As I say that, RVP gets a head on a corner but can only put it into the side of the goal. That was a great opportunity.

66:00 Netherlands has no subs left. I can't see this as being a good thing. The Russians have all of them. Heitinga has a split chin and is off the pitch getting attention.

67:00 De Jong just gets in the way of a pass that would have put Pavlyuchenko on goal. Corner.

Bilyaletdinov on for Semshov. VDS makes an excellent save.

71:00 Yellow for Kolodin, will be out for semi if they progress. Holland with a free kick just outside the middle of the 18. Sneijder over it.

72:00 Van Persie took it and he skies it. Excellent work. No, really. Jesus. Just put it on the frame.

73:00 I think there are only two Dutch defenders now. Everybody up and on any counters the Dutch have to scramble.

75:00 Yes, Tommy, the Dutch do need to throw caution to the wind. I don't think they are doing it yet. Not with pushing all but three people up. Not at all. I love your accent, but I hate you.

77:00 VDS is playing sweeper right now. The Russians are just chipping it over and Pavlyuchenko runs on, with VDS to clean up. He was way off his line to block a potential chip.

78:00 Corner to Russia. A bunch of shirtless Russians in the crowd clapping rhythmically. I can't imagine what would happen if NASCAR ever became popular in Russia. NASCAR would make tons of money, that's for sure.

80:00 Sneijder tries one from 25, just a shade too high.

81:00 Torbinski on for Saenko.

82:00 Sneijder again from long range, just wide left on a good look.

Netherlands really lucky Russia didn't score, but new sub Torbinski couldn't finish it on an open goal. Corner to Russia but nothing doing.

85:00 Corner for the Netherlands after a blocked Sneijder shot. RVP plays it short to Sneijder who sends it in but headed out for a corner. Nobody can get on it.

86:00 Russia has really played the better match, particularly second half.

GOAL!!!! Van Nistelrooy. Right when I was typing the above. Off of a free kick from Sneijder and he heads it in. Excellent.

1-1. Now what happens? This will be exciting.

87:00 But Russia comes right back through the Swiss cheese Dutch defense. Somebody should just defend back there. Really. It's just awful.

88:00 Speaking of awful. Russia's defense on free kicks. Pathetic.

90:00 The Dutch's tails are up. Why? Are they waiting for a dog to sniff their ass?

90:00 +1 Yellow for Kolodin. Second yellow. He's gone. That's harsh. Really harsh. What? Now he's waving it off. Can he do that?

The ref is saying the ball was out and waving it off. WTF? The ball wasn't out, but there wasn't a foul. How weird.

Whistle. Whistle. On to extra time.

Seriously. What the hell happened there? I've never seen a ref wave off a card. It certainly wasn't a foul deserving of a yellow. It could have been a foul since he obstructed Sneijder, but it certainly wasn't a yellow. Then the pretext to check with the side judge to see if the ball was out, then waving it off. Whether the ball was out or not should have no effect on your yellow call. You can get a yellow on a deadball.

91:00 Man-shakes for the refs. You da man...no...you da man. Circle jerk. Russia kicks off going to the left on our screen.

Sneijder gets free and sends a long shot in on the keeper...no sweat on the save. Sneijder is trying to win it all and should really think about passing. It was his pass that set up the winning goal.

92:00 Russia with a free kick on the sideline in the Dutch half. Arshavin gets a shot in on VDS who dives and saves mostly cleanly with a Russian lurking. Hey, he did better than Cech. Nistelrooy tries from long range but goes over.

95:00 Corner to Russia, played short, Zhirkov sends it out.

Van Persie gets a shot off that's deflected and Akinfeev dives left to smother it.

96:00 Arshavin sends it over when he juked his way into the box and got enough space to fire.

97:00 Pavlyuchenko sends it off the post. So close.

98:00 Afellay strafes wide left. Nice pace, though.

99:00 Torbinsky had another chance after Arshavin made a beautiful pass, but hits it right at VDS. He has had two spoon fed shots that should have gone in.

101:00 Kolodin lasers it wide right from a left side placement from 30.

102:00 Afellay with a professional foul but no booking on the Russian counter.

103:00 Zhirkov with a yellow after bulling over RVP. Is RVP ok? I hope he didn't break anything.

104:00 van Nistelrooy way offside. I mean way off.

105:00 End of First Period of Extra Time.

106:00 And we're back.

107:00 Zhirkov appeals for the penalty. He may have had a good argument.

108:00 Torbinksi couldn't get on the end of a Pavlyuchenko cross as VDS scoops it up.

109:00 Nice play by the Russians in the box. Arshavin blitzes the defense as VDS comes out and he crosses to Pavlyuchenko who can't get it on frame with an open goal.

111:00 Torbinksy booked. And then Akinfeev gives his defender an tongue lashing after the defender headed it back to the keep from point blank range.

112:00 GOAL!!! Torbinsky. Russia 2 - 1 Netherlands. The lax Dutch defense finally gives up the goal as Arshavin chips the keeper on the endline and Torbinski finally finishes. Well done.

115:00 Sychev on for Pavlyuchenko.

116:00 Goal!!!! Arshavin. 3-1 Russia. Game. Set. Match.

That one was sent from Russia with love. Heitinga got a touch on it and it went right through VDS legs.

I was just about to write when Arshavin scored, that it was clear that van Basten was outcoached in this match. He only knew one thing to do. Push, push, push on offense and neglect the backline.

119:00 RVP draws a foul. From 35, van Bronckhorst and VDV over it and VDV sends it over the goal.

120:00 Two minutes of added time. Torbinski fires over on a free kick. No danger.

Tweet. Tweet. Tweet.

Well, that was an ass-spanking by Russia. They finally were able to expose the weak Dutch defense and Van Basten showed is lack of tactical adjustments. Now he can piss off to Ajax and the Eredivisie where defense doesn't matter.

As we are sent off with Euro dance music, please note that all three group winners have fallen so far. Each team that rested players in the third match are gone. What does this mean for Spain? Find out tomorrow with our liveblog.

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The Good, The Bad, The WTF: Euro 2008 Edition

This post, my friends is going to be a mess. As long as you know that going in, we'll all be okay. Inside, we will break down each competing country's home and away jersey and file it into the categories Good, Bad and WTF. Pretty simple, huh?
For ease of my poorly HTMLing soul, I will only provide links to each shirt instead of trying to force them all into the Blogger template. Trust me, if you've seen how Blogger can mangle posts by screwing up pictures, this is a good thing.

Onwards and upwards, my friends. Here we go.

Group A
Switzerland Home Away Switzerland wear Puma jerseys. In what will quickly become a theme in this post, Puma jerseys all look cookie-cutter. They have a template, switch colors where necessary, and affix the necessary badges. Boring. What I like about the Swiss shirt is the badge. That kind of artsy rendering of their national association where they also fit in the white cross. However, these are Puma jerseys, so the verdict is:
Home and Away: Bad
Czech Republic Home Away Plain. Boring. Go home. I do like the blue piping on the home shirt, and the Czech badge is one of the more interesting entries, full of history, for those into that. But it is simply not enough to overcome the crappiness of being a Puma shirt.
Home and Away: Bad
Portugal Home Away There is something wrong with the Portugal home shirt. We here at UF could not quite put our finger on it, but we hate it. It could be the wrong hue, or it could just be the too tight fit. We hated it all the same. On the other hand, we were much more sympathetic to the white shirt. It looks a lot better, but, in the end, we found it a little plain.
Home and Away: Bad
Turkey Home Away Now we're talking. It may still be a hangover from their unbelievable victory over the Czechs on Sunday, but these are both very nice shirts. The home shirt can look a little like a 'Boro effort, I'm sure, but it dazzles nonetheless. And that away shirt, my goodness. Two teams made solid use of baby blue accents this tournament, and Turkey is one of them.
Home and Away: Good

Group B
Austria Home Away A mixed bag. Once again, we are stuck with Puma templates, but Austria does something a little right here. It's not in the home shirt, really, though it should rate a "meh" instead of its final grade. The winner here is the away shirt. Menacingly black with a little flag flair thrown in at the collar.
Home: Bad; Away: Good
Croatia Home Away Did we even get to see the all-checkerboard shirt yet? I don't recall. You have to give them respect for sticking with such and irritating-to-the-eyes shirt for all of these years. As for the blue away shirt, man, I don't know. And for that, it perfectly fits the WTF category. Safe to say I would not want to sport either one of these walking around my town.
Home and Away: WTF?
Germany Home Away Poor Germany. Forever saddled with a white shirt that they are not entirely happy with, so they fuck around with it. This year's entry feels unbalanced. Too much black in the striping, not enough red or yellow. At least it keeps us away from the away shirt. Seriously, this is not a look for top tier international football. This is a training top. Even though I kind of like the gold stitching on the black background, I hope they never have to wear it.
Home: Bad; Away: WTF?
Poland Home Away Poland, the home of unattractive football. They never looked good playing in the Euros, and these shirts did not help. Blandest of them all.
Home and Away: Bad

Group C
Romania Home Away Romania's shirts this year felt like a throwback to USA '94. Sadly, the team did not perform in the same manner. The worst part of it all is that they totally rip off the New York Cosmos badge. Anyway, 14 years is too soon to do a throwback jersey. Well, I write that, but I can't hate on the home jersey. I like it.
Home: Good; Away: Bad
France Home Away I am not a fan of the extra crap going across the middle of the French home shirt. They do, however, get credit with me by having their flag pop up inside the adidas stripes on the arms. Throw in that nice, newish badge of the rooster and you have a winner. God help me, I like the garish red away shirt as well. Two winners.
Home and Away: Good
Netherlands Home Away The Dutch are always hard to figure out. They have to use that bright orange which pays homage to a royal family line that no one likes. Sometimes they pull it off, and sometimes it is painful. This tournament, they pulled it off, sometimes. The Dutch were the second team to tastefully use Nike's new baby blue accent by pairing the orange shirt with baby blue socks. And it totally worked. However, when they reverted to orange socks yesterday, it all looked horrible. Also, nice try, but you can't work in your flag on the collar without it looking like you won First Grade attendance medals. As for the away shirt, it divides us. But, I'm the one writing here, and I hate it. So, there you go. We do seem to be unified in liking the cyborg numbering though.
Home: Good, with qualifications; Away: WTF?
Italy Home Away Italy stick with the basics. Once again, this is a Puma top, but it's not quite as bad as the red and white ones. This gets a passing grade for the gold at the neck. The away jersey, though, is run of the mill and boring.
Home: Good; Away: Bad

Group D
Spain Home Away I think we were a bit undecided by these. The home jersey is nothing out of the ordinary, but it works well. That light gold away shirt, though, is rather atrocious. Hopefully, Spain will not be required to trot it out on their way to winning this year's tournament.
Home: Good; Away: WTF?
Russia Home Away These had potential, especially the away shirt, but the execution is off. I am all for integrating you nation's flag into the shirt. I don't like it when doing so means that I have to fill in the blanks for you. The white shirt loses the top stripe of the flag and the red shirt loses the bottom stripe of the flag. Why not go with a blue away shirt so that one can easily make out the flag running across the torso? Nike FAIL.
Home: Bad; Away: WTF?
Greece Home Away Thanks for coming and bringing the same kit from 2004. Did you think that would work? Okay, the sublimated flag print on the away shirt is nice, but no dice.
Home and Away: Bad
Sweden Home Away It's always tough to deal with the Swedish shirts. The combo of yellow and blue is a nice one, but they just use too much yellow sometimes. If only I could get a reason to really like a bunch of yellow Swedish shirts. Oh, here's one. The away shirt is a tough one. In some pictures, it looks black, which would be a bold move, but in others it looks navy, which is kind of boring. Still, since Swedish girls will wear them and get pictured in them, they are both winners.
Home and Away: Good

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Euro Trash Day 11: The Replacements

The Dutch rested 9. The French made 3 changes. The Romanians stood firm. The Italians mixed and matched a little.

Today was a day for drama and substitutes, for hasty tactical rearrangements and a formation shattered by a first-half red card. Regardless, every team earned their cash, and we enjoyed the treats.

Somewhere tonight, an astrological chart burns.

France 0
Italy 2 (Pirlo 25" pen, De Rossi 62")

If I were Raymond Domenech, I simply wouldn't go home. I wouldn't run the risk of being mutilated and torn limb-from-limb by the croissant-chompers lying in wait at Charles de Gaulle airport. I would simply pull a Jason Bourne; burn my current ID, pull out a fake passport, cut my hair and add a fake moustache, and disappear into the night.

No note of apology, no note of sorrow and regret... just get the fuck out and start again. Barbados is looking for a coach, but even he might be a touch too New Agey for a country rooted in various spiritual traditions.

That being said, let's put Gallic castigation aside for a minute and look at these scrappy Italian feckers.

Did they wet themselves when examining the task at hand? No.

Did they complain at every refereeing decision? No, especially not the contentious red card for Thuram's understudy, Eric Abidal. It was a blatant, clumsy foul. No doubt whatsoever there. But a straight red? Is someone taking the term "professional foul" a little too seriously? Coupet was right there, although Eric was the last man.

Did they work hard in the second half to make sure the victory was theirs? Yes.

Did they make the most of what was good fortune and enterprise was thrown their way? Yes, with the exception of yet another dismal performance from lone frontman Luca Toni. (As the BBC liveblog noted, Toni and Mario Gomez combined for 43 goals this season in the Bundesliga. What the fuck is going on? Are they that bad, or is it the Bundesliga?)

For Italy, this was a fine way to bounce back from two terrible performances earlier in the group. They now stumble into the quarter-finals to face Spain, with the grim reality of continuing to toil without Cannavaro, and now losing Pirlo and Gattuso to 1-game suspensions after their yellows this evening.

For France, a long trip home and plenty of time to reflect. Why didn't Thuram play? Why did Ribery have to overextend on that meaningless, innocuous foul early in the game? Why did Domenech flirt with using Nasri, only to pull him after the red card instead of the listless Toulalan (who's been absolute crap in Euro '08)? Why did Henry toil alone up front? Why is Coupet not in line for the French presidency?

All these questions can be answered rather simply: Domenech is a useless son of a bitch. I eagerly await his termination and subsequent replacement, who is facing a Herculean task to turn around this old, tired squad that's horribly imbalanced towards the aged and tenured.

I just hope for Estelle Denis' sake that Raymond makes a better husband than manager (Else, I'll happily offer my services as a replacement).

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Netherlands 2 (Huntelaar 54", Van Persie 87")
Romania 0

Poor Romania. Even with 9 changes to the Dutch XI that fisted France and Italy, they still couldn't get it done. Of course, in lieu of finding actual constructive criticism, the Bucharest press will surely just call for Mutu's head after his penalty miss against Gianluigi Buffon.

But in reality, Romania simply wasn't good enough today. Despite the waves of possession and half-chances, you always had the feeling that the clog-hoppers were going to walk away unscathed, and two moments of class were enough. Huntelaar's finish was decisive from Afellay's cross, and Van Persie surprised our UF liveblog peanut gallery in playing the entire match and even bagging the late goal with an emphatic close-range effort.

Shame for the Romanians, but they're history now.

Regarding Holland, do we join the bandwagon and anoint them as the tournament favourites heading into the quarter-finals? On performances alone, they've been the most impressive by far. They've enjoyed clear victories over a darkhorse and two pre-tourney frontrunners, and now they're looking at a dinner date with either Russia or Sweden, two equally-dull and dismal sides to watch.

Beyond that, a mouth-watering semi with either Spain or Italy, and then who knows?

Of all the teams to make it this far, none other has shown the consistency of character or victory, but they all have their strong points. I wrote at length of the Dutch ability to waste talent in my team preview, and perhaps it's all downhill from here. At least they've shown us some entertainment in the group stages.

(ps. I'm still picking Spain to shake their pretender shackles and emerge victorious, even though Total Football appears to have, gulp, returned)

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Links Roundup
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Meet Aragones, your new Fenerbahce manager [Soccernet]
Madagascar fire their manager, who was UNDEFEATED in qualifying! [Yahoo! Sports]
Soccer means less people go to the opera? I'm stunned! [AP]
Jens Lehmann with some advice on how to stop Portugal. I'm worried, considering he couldn't stop Birmingham [International Herald Tribune]
Germany's bright young star might jump to the Jewish club of North London. Good/bad idea? [The Daily Telegraph]
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Top 10 US Players who deserve to see the pitch (seriously, get rid of Donovan) [THE YANKEE HOOLIGAN]
An inside look at Chelsea's propaganda machine [Pitch Invasion]
Remember this? Well, they've been found guilty! Elder brother Shaun must be so proud! [BBC News]

Read more on "Euro Trash Day 11: The Replacements"...

Guest Post: A Dutch Fan Rejoices, Again

In the spirit of the competition, UF is trying to bring in fans to write about their country's ups and downs throughout the tournament, and with the Dutch being the biggest story of the tournament thus far, we are bringing back Joep, a Dutch native enjoying the Oranje run in the tournament, who previously recapped the Dutch perspective after its stunning 3-0 victory over Italy. Holland has already clinched its group and faces its final match against Rumania today with the prospect of having both Italy and France knocked out with a Dutch loss, but I don't think the Dutch are thinking that way.

Below is Joep's perspective leading up to and after the France match. I imagine the trepidation he felt then is not present now. And, don't forget to cheer for the Dutch because everytime they score Joep gets to do the above with a random hot Dutch women.




There was always that lingering insecurity when we looked forward to
the next game. Boisterous and confident we belted to "bring on the
French already!" But not very-deep-down it was apparent to all of us
that our growing sense of confidence was a front, and in reality
nothing more than a thinly veiled attempt to hide the fear that what
he had witnessed against the Italians was nothing but a one-off. The
word fluke was not to be mentioned by anyone, but the sense that our
3-0 against the World Champions was exactly that had taken root with
everyone I spoke in the days after the game.

We started looking at the tables, and when the Italians drew Rumania
we started covering ourselves by saying that even a loss to the
French, losing finalists only two years ago after all, wouldn't even
necessarily be that bad a result. It would get our heads out of the
clouds that had gathered around them on Monday, and we would see all
the more clearly for the remainder of the Euros. So win, draw or loss,
we, being about 17 people crammed together in a student room, managed
to find half-hearted pros and cons for all of them.

Even going up early against the French didn't really ease the tension.
The French always have the habit of scoring exactly when I don't want
them to, and I don't think I've ever wanted them to blow every single
chance they'd get as much as Friday night – meaning they would surely
win. And indeed, after the halftime break, they started piling on some
nerve wrecking pressure and looked sure to score. And then San Marco
intervened.

Before the tournament started and our hopes of surviving the group
stage were slim at best, we had argued for fielding all of our best
players, in a formation that would surely leave our back four so
incredibly exposed, we would be home after a couple of days. These
players, we thought, were van der Vaart, Sneijder, Robben, Van Persie
and Van Nistelrooy. We daydreamed about this quintet on the field at
the same time, realizing it probably wouldn't happen because none of
them would track back and defend. But with 1-0 up against the French,
our defense under enormous pressure and with Sneijder, van der Vaart
and van Nistelrooy already on the pitch, Marco brought Robben. And
then van Persie.

What happened next you've all probably already seen; van Nistelrooy,
who has been forever dogged by nay-sayers about being nothing more
than a poacher, the lowest of the low, a limited striker who couldn't
score a goal from outside the 6 yard box if his life depended on it,
launched Robben on the left wing with the exact bit of skill the
French have come to see as their national heritage; Ruud's pirouette
on the ball allowed Robben to cross for van Persie for our second
goal.

The French did come back, once, but I had to wait longer for the line
for the bathrooms in the clubs of Utrecht later that night than it
took Arjen Robben to restore the margin to two. This sounds like an
overstatement but actually isn't. By the time Sneijder performed
his last minute hommage to Dennis Bergkamp, none of us had any air
left to scream. As it turns out, it takes quite a bit out of you to
see your country beat both finalists from the last World Cup 7-1 over
180 minutes of play.

We gaan naar Wenen toe. Get used to the idea and mark your calendars
accordingly.

Read more on "Guest Post: A Dutch Fan Rejoices, Again"...

Euro 2008 Liveblog: France v. Netherlands

This is the stuff of sandwich dreams. I'll tak slice of Noemie Lenoir (Claude Makelele's wife) and a slice of Sylvie Van der Vaart (Rafael's wife) with some cured TFA meat.

If Sylvie adds a couple million pounds to Rafael's transfer fee, I would have no problem with that.

France is looking to rebound from a moribund 0-0 draw with Romania. Star-gazing Raymond Domenech will have Thierry Henry and Patrick Vieira healthy to hopefully add panache to the French attack.

Netherlands on the other hand are coming off the high of a thorough route of the World Champion Italy. But, the Dutch squad isn't without its faults. The defense is suspect and was lucky the Italians didn't capitalize on several chances. There may not be anything Marco Van Basten can do about that but it will definitely be something to watch in the match.

Lineups after the jump...


France
Coupet -- Gallas, Sagnol, Thuram, Evra -- Malouda, Makalele, Govou, Toulalan, Ribery -- Henry

Netherlands
Van der Sar -- Van Bronckhorst, Mathijsen, Ooijer, Boulahrouz -- Van der Vaart, Engelaar, De Jong, Sneijder -- van Nistelrooy, Kuyt

Three changes to the French lineup. Evra in for Abidal, Henry and Govou on for Benzema and Anelka.

No changes for the rampant Dutch side.

Oooh...ESPN just showed a fan in the Euro '88 Champion Holland jerseys featured here, and comment Joet Smeeps confirmed was still widely worn in the land of tulips.

Here come the kiddies.

And, there's Arsene Wenger!

Anthems.

I think the team shots are really angering Le Pen.

Prediction: 2-2.

Thuram and Van der Sar exchange the little flags. Do you think they just have a wall full of them for all the games they skippered their respective teams?


0:00 French starts the match.

Fashion note: The Dutch are in their Oranje jerseys with taped on numbers, with light blue sockes and white short pants. I really fancy these kits.

2:00 Ribery serves the ball into the box but Holland clears nicely. It's already been a whistle filled match.

3:00 Van Nistelrooy with a weak turn and shot that Coupet scoops up easily.

4:00 Makalele fouls Kuyt with a flying elbow to the head but no card.

5:00 Ribery gets a head on a Malouda cross but can't get it on target. Not bad for the little guy.

8:00 Lots of midfield possession for both teams but nothing doing in the advanced third.

10:00 Goal!! 1-0 Holland Kuyt. Kuyt heads corner that he won off of a long pass from Boulahrouz.

Van Bronckhorst on the service. Nice tournamnet Gio is having, no?

13:00 Well, this should open up the match, but does France have the midfield quality to do anything?

Dirk Kuyt!!



16:00 Sneijder with an ambitious shot from 25 yards goes over.

18:00 The referee should really have a different color shirt on. The dark grey is perhaps just too similar shade with the dark blue of France.

20:00 The Dutch are looking absolutely latin in their one-touch passing. Kuyt gets on the end of a French deflection but the defender manages to unsettle him and Kuyt skies it over.

21:00 First French penetration by Gouvou, but VDS gets a kicksave to it for a corner. On the ensuing corner VDS collects the ball after it is swung around the box.

25:00 France is picking it up nicely. A good 1-2 from Henry to Govou, but van Bronckhorst troubles Govou from behind (dirty!) to unsettle the shot.

27:00 Kuyt is rampant. Boulahrouz throws it in and Kuyt ends up with the ball, lays it off to a Boulahrouz who strafes it across the front of the goal wide.

31:00 Sneijder dispossesses Sagnol easily which leads to a long spell of Dutch possession in the midfield. The team is just probing now...looking for that nice, juicy French opening.

33:00 Makalele gets booked for another flying elbow to the face of van der Vaart.

35:00 Malouda gets a shot on goal from 25 but VDS saves easily. On the ensuing possession, France moves up the left flank and swings the ball to the middle where Govou strikes from 18, but right to VDS.

And, again, the French are charging, unusual since they generally retreat, with Ribery getting a good shot in on VDS, who dives to his left with the save.

The Dutch defense is looking Swiss like.

37:00 Ribery sends it across the goal face but no French player can get on the end of it.

38:00 Sneijder with a bit of overconfidence from 30 yards.

42:00 Engelaar is 6'6"? That's huge. Henry looks a bit off pace.

43:00 Maka serves Henry on the topcenter of the 18, Henry turns but can't get it on frame.

45:00 Toulalan fouls van der Vaart. I'll comfort Sylvie.

Tweet, tweet. Holland 1 - 0 France.

The first half was a tale of two halves. I guess that would make it quarters. Whatever. The Dutch dominated the first half striking Goonie Gold with Sloth Dirk Kuyt. But, France settled down and had numerous opportunities only directly aimed them at Van der Sar.

See you in a few.

Second Half

46:00 Robben on Engelaar. More offense. Sweet.

47:00 Henry shows his first sign of class turning the Dutch defender around, crossing in front of the goal but Ribery couldn't get a solid touch on it.

49:00 Sagnol crosses the free kick to Gallas who rifles it in from 40. The ball caroms around a couple times finally reaching Henry who fires but its blocked by Ooijer. Henry appeals for a hand ball but I haven't seen the replay yet. Nevertheless, good scramble defense for the Dutch.

Replays seem to show it went off Ooijer's arm.

52:00 Now Ooijer gets booked after Henry throws a temper tantrum.

54:00 Henry BLOWS it. Malouda bikes it over his head and Henry runs on all alone with VDS and tries to chip it but sends it over the goal. What a putz!

55:00 Robin van Persie on for Kuyt. Jesus...the best defense is a good offense I guess.

56:00 Sneijder gets a good strong header in on Coupet, but it was just too far out.

58:00 Terrible free kick by the Dutch. Robben sends it right into the oncharging Maka.

59:00 Goal!!! 2-0 Holland! Van Persie. What an amazing play by van Nistlerooy to keep the ball in play to Robben who streaks down the left flank and crosses it to Van Persie who puts it on Coupet and just trickles past Coupet.

61:00 France on the attack again. Ribery strikes it well at VDS, but he volleyball spikes it back.

I missed it but Gomis is on for Malouda.

I still can't believe that last goal. The Dutch have the two best build-up goals in the tournament.

63:00 Robben sends in a strong daisy cutter to Coupet who gets a hand to it.

67:00 van Persie dispossesses Thuram and gets in on gaol but plays a blind ball to the middle of the box, but no Dutch players were trailing. He should have shot.

70:00 Sneijder sends a free kick into the 6 yard box but Coupet gobbles it.

71:00 GOAL!!! Henry. 2-1 Holland. Sagnol crosses it in to a streaking Henry in the 6 yard box, just touching his toe to the ball. Perfect pass and touch.

72:00 GOAL!!! Robben. 3-1 Holland. On the ensuing kickoff, Sneijder feeds Robben who beats Coupet near and high. Amazing shot from near the touchline. Wow.

75:00 Anelka on for Govou. Only 45 seconds between the last two goals. I was too busy typing and didn't even see the goal until the replay.

76:00 Henry trips Van Persie. Nice guy.

Van Bronckhorst fouls Gomis just outside the box. Ribery lines up over the ball from 22...but just chips it over to Henry who heads it over. Andy Gray is merciless on Henry's heading ability. Hilarious.

78:00 Bouma on for van der Vaart. Evra just sent a daisy cutter to VDS' right but its wide.

82:00 Maka slips on his arse when he had a great chance to get a shot on goal. Toulalan booked.

83:00 Van Nistlerooy almost gets on the scoresheet after a long ball from the back finds his head and goes just over Coupet but he recovers to save for a corner. Just a bit more pace and its 4-1.

85:00 Coupet comes out of his box to keep van Persie from getting in on goal alone. Just a bit too far from van Persie.

86:00 Mathijsen gets in on Anelka in the area to keep Anelka's shot from going on goal. Penalty appeal but to no avail.

87:00 Ribery over the ball from 23 but just over the goal.

89:00 Robben threatens again going a yard wide right. He really has been a phenom this half.

90:00 Two added minutes.

90:00 +2 GOAL!!! 4-1 Holland Sneijder with a brilliant shot from 18 over the keeper into the top shelf. Just off the bottom of the bar.

Game 4-1 Holland.

Holland advances and keeps its life from the group of death. France needs a Holland victory over Romania and its own victory over Italy to advance.

What a marvelous match for the Dutch. Again. The extra offense in the second half was some genius from Van Basten.

As the commenters have said, France just got cooked in the Dutch Oven, which is why all French are stinky.

Who was the man of the match? Van der Sar? Kuyt? Robben? Sneijder? I don't know. Kuyt was certainly the best in the first half, but Robben was great in the second and Van der Sar had some good saves.

I'll go with Robben who seemed to brighten the Dutch offense significantly.

Join me tomorrow for Spain - Russia Sweden.

Read more on "Euro 2008 Liveblog: France v. Netherlands"...

The Good, The Bad, The WTF

Whoa. It looks like wall-to-wall Euro coverage this week (I'm guessing, I wrote this on Monday). By the time you read this, the Dutch will have already beaten the tar out of the listless, captainless Italians. So, in honor of this week's opening win, and because they wore the worst shirt a team ever wore to win the European Championship, I bring to you the Netherlands 1988 shirt.

Oh God, forgive me. I am so sorry.


Joep Smeets, what say you?

Hey, I learned something new today. Back in 1988, the Euros only had 8 teams. Huh.

That year, Netherlands were grouped with USSR, Ireland and England. Netherlands actually lost their first game of the tournament, 1-0 to the Soviets. There were no more slip-ups after that. Ireland was beaten 3-1 and the woeful English, who finished bottom of the group without a point, were dispatched 1-0.

Since there were only 8 teams, the first knockout round was the semifinals. In those semis, the Dutch went behind in the 55th minute to the West Germans. However, Koeman scored in the 74th minute for the Dutch, and Golden Boot winner Marco van Basten sealed the win in the 88th for the Dutch. The final was against the Soviets again. This time, the Dutch were up to the challenge. Netherlands scored in both halves, and the title was theirs.

I have a theory. I think that in the first game the Soviets, who were always theorized to be experimenting on their sports stars, concocted a pre-tournament mixture that made their players color-blind. Unable to see just how horrible the Dutch shirt was, the Soviets were able to win easily. The color-blindness wore off by the finals, and the Dutch vanquished their (dirty, commie) opponents. Hey, it could have happened.

Really, look at that thing up there. Go ahead and stare at it. I bet you one of two things happen. Either you hypnotize yourself (I hope it gives you a Peter Gibbons-like transformation), or you start to see a hidden message, a la Magic Eye posters (It's a schooner!). Me, I'm not taking my chances.

So, congratulations to the Netherlands. You win the ü75 designation of worst Euro-winning shirt ever, barely beating out the über-striped Danish 1992 kit. Good on you all.

Read more on "The Good, The Bad, The WTF"...

Guest Post: A Dutch fan rejoices

In the spirit of the competition, we'll try to bring in fans to write about their country's ups and downs throughout the tournament, and with the Dutch bringing the biggest talking points so far, head below the jump to get a Dutch perspective from Joep, a Dutch native who's enjoying the tournament back home.

The only thing I could offer at this point is: welcome to the world stage, Gio!

Of all the adjectives that have been used over time to describe Dutch football – brilliant, outdated or perennially disappointing – “modest” is conspicuously absent from the list.

Because while the international attitude to the Dutch has become increasingly impatient and you’ve all started to lump us together with other countries that spectacularly fail to deliver upon their promise every single time, we still firmly expect our boys to win each and every tournament they enter, but only through a glorious display of attacking football and anything less than about 87% possession and 66 shots on goal just won’t do.

And that was before we thumped the reigning World Champions three to nothing.

It took us a while to get used to the idea of actually outplaying a team like Italy. We’ve showed spells of pretty football before, but spells, inherently, do not last an entire game. Completely unfamiliar with the possibility of success, we naturally assumed the good start against the Italians was a nice stretch, but nothing more than that. After about thirty-five minutes, we figured, familiarity would reassert itself and for the remainder of the game, we would all be treated to an endless string of uninspired passes between our two centre halves, neither one particularly apt with the ball at his feet. Only we weren’t.

The emerging noise of car horns entering the room in which we all sat and contemplated what had just happened woke us up from our shell shocked state of confusion, disbelief and unbridled happiness. About six years ago, the sizeable Turkish population in Holland took to the streets in similar fashion celebrating their third place at the World Cup.

When we got up and left after the game ended, walking towards the station sporting orange, we were passed by people hanging out of their car windows celebrating, waving flags and singing.

This was in one of the least-Dutch neighbourhoods and streets in all of Holland.

I could go into the details of the game here. I could write how Boulahrouz proved quite a few critics wrong by his strong defensive display against the Italian-in-form Di Natale. Or I could write how Gio van Bronckhorst, too old for the big leagues and demoted to the hugely inferior Dutch Eredivisie, had the game of his life at age thirtysomething. (Ed. Note: Gio is 33] I could write how much we love it that the Italians weren’t even that poor – they created plenty of chances to make a game out of it but ultimately lacked enough support from midfield.

I could write about any of those details as much as I want but there is one thought that is far, far more important to every single Dutch person, even though they might not know it, themselves; we got a bit of our respectability back, which we completely and utterly lost in the disgrace that was our final game of the last World Cup.

Yesterday, Holland played like every single Dutchman and everyone non-Dutchman wants it to play – only with the unexpected bonus of a result we still cannot really believe.

Read more on "Guest Post: A Dutch fan rejoices"...

Italy v. Netherlands Highlights

The Dutch gave a virtuoso performance of offensive football against the Italians today winning 3-0. There is sure to be much controversy (and further discussion here) regarding Ruud van Nistlerooy's opening goal. The Italians claim he was offside but the rulebook suggests (scroll down to the discussion of rule 11.11) otherwise.
Rule 11.11 reads:

11.11 DEFENDER LEGALLY OFF THE FIELD OF PLAY A defender who leaves the field during the course of play and does not immediately return must still be considered in determining where the second to last defender is for the purpose of judging which attackers are in an offside position. Such a defender is considered to be on the touchline or goal line closest to his off-field position. A defender who leaves the field with the referee's permission (and who thus requires the referee's permission to return) is not included in determining offside position.

The Italian defender was knocked down and "injured" by his own keeper on the first goal. Likely he was trying to get a stoppage of play and was slightly injured but he continued to play afterwards with no ill effects. Plus, it was really during the course of the same play. I think you would be hard-pressed to read the rule and say he should not have counted in terms of an offside ruling. But, you are free to disagree.

Despite the controversy, Netherlands were the deserving side and after the jump you can see the video of van Nistlerooy's goal and the other goals as well. They may be gone soon enough, but I think they will be easily found on Youtube.



van Nistlerooy's Goal


Sneijder Goal



van Bronckhorst Goal

Giovanni van Bronckhorst was an absolute beast in the match setting up the second goal after clearing off the line moments earlier and then sprinting up the sideline to deliver the cross to Kuyt who headed to Sneijder.

Read more on "Italy v. Netherlands Highlights"...