Voting rules. Ahh... see what I did there?
Anyway, this was mentioned in Backpasses (see post below) but The Offside is asking for your input. They want to know which is the most exciting league in Europe.
We're mostly EPL over here, with a smattering of France and the Scots but we're actively trying to consume more Italy and Spain (Mmmmm... Spain).
And frankly we all should. Why? Because Spain has been awesome this season. Easily the two most exciting matches I've seen this season were the 3-3 Valencia v. Villarreal tilt, and this past weekend's 4-3 win by Atlético over a suddenly shaken Barcelona side.
On top of that, having less emotional attachment seems to make watching, uhm... what's the word? Enjoyable. That's it. Watching Spanish football is kind of fun. They score even (fucking Arsenal).
We're not big believers in the "scoring = excitement" premise, but the EPL does lag behind Spain by about a half goal per match.
More interesting, the EPL is barely ahead of Italy, which gets abused for its supposed boring and defensive football. That link above takes some going through, but if you scroll down you'll see the current scoring hierarchy goes: Germany > Spain > England > Italy > France.
Our cursory theory on the low EPL output is threefold: A) The relegation battle is so tight with so many teams, they they are playing to not concede anything to anyone. A 0-0 draw is a fantastic result for a bottom-table team. B) Arsenal alone is responsible for this low average scoring. C) There is no need to explain, this season's average is pretty much in line with the scoring averages for the last 3-4 EPL seasons.
Anyway, go vote (*cough* Spain *cough*), it's your duty as a Netizen. And if you don't, the terrorists win.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Behold The Power of Democracy!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
CL Liveblog: Bordeaux v. Spartak London
It's the day before Thanksgiving, which means I'm not at work and I'm sitting in front of the television ready for some live Champions League action. Shame they picked the dud of the fixture list. Ah well, beggars can't be choosers.
So join after the jump, won't you? Come read my disparaging assessment of a team I hate playing a team from a country I hate.
But first... what other games are on tap today?
Group A
Bordeaux v Chelsea
CFR Cluj v Roma
Group B
Anorthosis Famagusta v Werder Bremen
Inter Milan v Panathinaikos
Group C
Shakhtar Donetsk v Basle
Sporting Lisbon v Barcelona
Group D
Atletico Madrid v PSV Eindhoven
Liverpool v Marseille
Some intriguing storylines there, I think. I wanna see the Romanian team win again, personally.
Starting Lineups for LFC and Chelsea:
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Liverpool v. Marseille
Liverpool: Reina, Arbeloa, Carragher, Agger, Aurelio, Mascherano, Alonso, Kuyt, Gerrard, Riera, Torres.
Subs: Cavalieri, Dossena, Keane, Benayoun, Babel, Leiva Lucas, Kelly.
Marseille: Mandanda, Bonnart, Zubar, Hilton, Taiwo, Ziani, Cana, Cheyrou, Ben Arfa, Niang, Kone.
Subs: Riou, Rodriguez, Zenden, Kabore, Samassa, Grandin, Valbuena.
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Bordeaux v. Spartak London
Bordeaux: Valverde, Chalme, Planus, Diawara, Jurietti, Menegazzo, Diarra, Gourcuff, Gouffran, Wendell, Chamakh.
Subs: Olimpa, Cavenaghi, Bellion, Placente, Traore, Obertan, Tremoulinas.
Chelsea: Cech, Bosingwa, Ivanovic, Terry, Ashley Cole, Mikel, Joe Cole, Ballack, Lampard, Malouda, Anelka.
Subs: Cudicini, Drogba, Bridge, Ferreira, Kalou, Alex, Stoch.
----
And we're off.
1 mins: Immediately a foul by Chalme in the corner as he protects the ball out for a goal kick. I approve of this aggression against Scolari's Spartak side.
4 mins: Nice little backheel flick by Cole that amounts to nothing, although Wendel gets clattered while chasing possession. A very cagey start early. The French crowd are singing at full volume, while both sides are playing in very ugly shirts.
Bordeaux break down the right wing but the move is halted when Terry hip-checks Gouffran and the ball goes out for a goal kick. No foul there?
6 mins: An early shot from Fernando tests Cech, who is forced to parry it out for a corner. Ballack gave him all the time in the world to shoot. Never a good idea, really.
11 mins: Sorry folks, a bit of technical trouble there slowed me down. Chamakh played Gouffran through on goal with a nice pass, forcing Cech to come out and clear, and then a foul by Mikel on the right gave an early free-kick some 30 yards out that Wendell promptly wasted. Bordeaux look much brighter than the garish yellow shirts of Spartak London in the early goings. The strategy seems to be attacking down the right wing, and so far it seems to be effective.
14 mins: Malouda scraps and hustles at the touchline under pressure, but nothing comes of it. Really, I don't see how Spartak can continue being good with Kalou and Malouda. Sure, they're top at the moment, but does anyone really think Anelka can keep scoring like he is? Not to mention the Drogba situation. Just offering that out there...
17 mins: I'd type faster if anything were really happening. Spartak aren't showing much fluency moving forward, and Bordeaux are definitely looking more inventive. Spartak are playing the long ball game, which is drawing boos, wolf whistles and jeers from the style-minded crowd.
20 mins: Chalme gets clean through on the right edge of the box and blasts it goalward, forcing a diving save from Cech. Slowly but surely, the game is opening up... it helps that the two teams are now scuffling in midfield after an ankle tap by Mikel on Gourcuff right before John Terry clips him and falls all over him. The referee handles the mess with a yellow card for England's Blundering John Terry.
22 mins: Tommy Smyth beats me to it: where are Frank Lampard and Michael Ballack? The middle of the Spartak midfield is practically empty, giving Gourcuff and Gouffran plenty of running room. Anelka fouls trying to get under yet another speculative long ball. Very dull stuff so far, really.
(A goal flourish elsewhere. Roma score on a tap-in, Simao puts Atletico Madrid ahead with a determined finish, and Barca have scored twice in two minutes. Oh, and now Totti's added another: CFR Cluj 0, AS Roma 2)
Goal for Gerrard too! A nice header at the back post off Xabi's cross. Liverpool 1, Marseille 0... now goals almost everywhere but at Bordeaux.
29 mins: Gourcuff works himself some space and gets an open shot from 25 yards, forcing another diving save from Cech. Spartak will cough up a goal soon, I reckon.
And then seconds later, Fat Frank gets into the action for the first time today. His contribution to the game? A late sliding tackle on Chamakh that earns him a yellow card. Wendel promptly shows manager Laurent Blanc why he shouldn't be taking any more free-kicks in scoring territory as he blasts it high over the crossbar.
30 mins: Dear, oh dear. Spartak are playing hack-a-Frenchman at the moment. The crowd goes absolutely apeshit (and rightly so) as Ashley Cole scythes Chamakh down, making no contact with the ball. Terry sprints over to remonstrate and complain, but the ref issues another yellow card. Wendel miraculously gets to take it, and his cross ends up being cleared comfortably. As Andrew said in the comments, there will be red in this one. Hopefully it'll be Terry. Smyth is wrong to say that proceedings resemble "a rugby game". I swear it's like listening to Alzheimer's with that aging Irishman behind the microphone.
32 mins: More danger for Spartak. Ball is cut inside from the right wing, and played right across the edge of the area to meet Jurietti's sprint from left-back. Joe Cole reads it well and slides in to intercept in the nick of time, else he'd have been one-on-one with Cech. Scolari looks rather pained at the moment.
(Cluj have pulled a goal back.... CFR Cluj 1, AS Roma 2)
35 mins: A rare period of comfortable possession for Spartak as they move the ball around midfield with ease. The final pass comes to Malouda, but his shot was a shot in name only.
Bordeaux break again down the right side, forcing Terry to shin it out for a corner. Gourcuff's outswinging corner misses everyone and everything.
38 mins: I fear we're entering that dreaded pre-half time lull. Amazingly, Spartak have had far more possession, but nary a shot on goal. That sounds more like Arsenal than anything else.
39 mins: Move that sums up Spartak's evening thus far: Malouda sprints across to the right wing to receive a throw-in, gets boxed in against the touchline, does that nifty backheel flick thing to himself but it trickles out of play for a goal kick. Kalouda are awful, both individually and as a collective. To the transfer market in January you should go, Scolari. Anything to prevent this pair from sniffing the starting XI.
At Anfield, Pepe Reina does well to turn a Taye Taiwo free-kick onto the post and out, while Rodrigues Jadson has scored to give Shakhtar Donetsk a 1-0 lead at home to Basel
41 mins: Pretty dismal evening for Spartak thus far. Lampard, Ballack, Kalou, Mikel and Joe Cole have done fuck-all thus far. I hope this trend continues. That said, all this pressure for Bordeaux and no goals only serves the visitors' cause in the long run.
Jesus... a foul throw? When was the last time you saw one of those? Chalmat is the guilty party, guilty of looking like an absolute clown. Really. You learn throw-ins when you're 14 years old.
44 mins: The game has descended into a nit-picky midfield battle, a style that neither team are rather good at playing. It's boring as shit to watch, that's for sure. Is it any more boring to read about?
45 mins: Ballack gets free on the left, but his cross never reaches the lone Spartak player, Anelka, in the box. Then Bosingwa tries to assert himself on the right wing, but is handled tidily by Diarra. Bordeaux break and Gouffran gets free in the middle, only to blast his shot high over the bar. If the goals were 15 feet high, it'd be 3-0 Bordeaux at this point. As such, we prepare for half-time, and the ref mercifully puts us out of our misery.
HALF-TIME: Bordeaux 0, Spartak London 0
Around the grounds:
CFR Cluj 1, AS Roma 2
Anorthosis Famagusta 0, Werder Bremen 0
Inter Milan 0, Panathanaikos 0
Shakhtar Donetsk 1, Basel 0
Sporting Lisbon 0, Barcelona 2
Atletico Madrid 2, PSV Eindhoven 0 (clearly, they're missing Heurelho Gomes)
Liverpool 1, Marseille 0
I'm off for a nap until the second-half.
46 mins: We begin again, and hopefully these two teams will actually play soccer in the 2nd half. I have my doubts.
Early pressure for Bordeaux forcing yet more muscle from Cech, coming out to collect a deflected cross and climbing over Terry in the process.
50 mins: Drogba is warming up. I repeat, the sullen striking malcontent is warming up. I wonder if he'll replace Kalou and Malouda, because frankly Spartak would be more effective with 10 men than either of those two.
No chances early. It bears noting that Spartak don't really need to win this game to qualify for the knockout stages, but still, think of the poor French people who took time off not-work and spent hard-earned Euros to watch this game! At least provide something that we can believe is an honest effort, even if you're not really trying.
52 mins: A long ball ends up safely in Valverde's hands. Anelka's been shit today. Without his tapped-in, empty net goals, he's really not very industrious or inventive unless you tee up the goals for him so he can't miss.
Gouffran breaks down the right but his sharp, low cross is deflected out for a corner. Scolari looks even more pissed off than he did an hour ago, and maybe it's because his midfield has been non-existent so far.
(Goals a-plenty everywhere else, yet again: Danny Koevermans pulls one back for PSV, Lionel Messi adds a 3rd for Barcelona, and Da Silva Willian makes it 2-0 for Shakhtar Donetsk over Basel and surely cementing their UEFA Cup spot.)
56 mins: Yellow card for Jurietti after his 11th ticky-tack foul. Does anyone even care?
And yes Adam, that Golf Academy ad is awful. It looks about as reputable as that Minnesota art school where you have to draw the pirate and the turtle to get accepted.
60 mins: Well, whaddaya know, I didn't miss a thing while I searched on YouTube for that ad!
61 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL Spartak London, and what a fucking joke that was. An innocuous pass forward to Anelka somehow beats Diawara, giving the Frenchman about 10 minutes to canter down the pitch untroubled before slotting the ball past Valverde as Jurietti finally arrives to apply pressure. Awful. Their first shot on goal, and they've scored. Anelka's immediately subbed off by Scolari, which you know was the plan anyways, but that's a heck of a way to say farewell to the action before hitting the pine. Bastard. The crowd is subdued. Bordeaux 0, Spartak London 1
64 mins: Lampard blazes a free-kick narrowly over the bar, and surprise surprise, Chelsea look a lot more confident now, so much so that Cech almost gets caught in possession while trying to dribble it out of his area. What a clown! Still, it's on Bordeaux to force the issue now, as they can't exactly afford defeat with just one group game to go. Shake off the mistake and get upfield!
(Another goal for AS Roma, which looks to be pushing Bordeaux towards elimination unless they can knock off Spartak somehow this evening. Also, Cypriot side Anorthosis are close to qualifying from Group B as they take the lead 1-0 at home to Werder Bremen, the goal coming from Nicos K Nicolaou.)
66 mins: Fernando Cavenaghi on, Gouffran off for Bordeaux.
69 mins: Anyone still out there? I realize this game is tough going, but stick with me, please... I could use the support and comfort of knowing I'm not suffering through this hell in vain.
(Alright, try to keep up with this from the last 5 minutes: Sporting score 2 in 2 minutes before an own goal makes it 4-2 Barcelona. Anorthosis double their lead to boost their chances of making the knockout stages, and Shakhtar Donetsk score a 3rd goal at home to Basel. All good?)
73 mins: Gourcuff gets some medical attention for a head wound, and it's really the only meaningful thing he's done in the 2nd half. No more goals in this one... mark it.
(Panathanaikos take the lead in Milan.... Greek team 1, Jose Mourinho's team 0. If it holds, then Group B becomes a clusterfuck on Matchday 6. Meanwhile, Werder pull a goal back in Cyprus, making squeaky bum time a certainty there. Anorthosis 2, Werder 1.)
76 mins: The crowd aren't happy at how the home side have been rather bad since the sucker punch goal. Drogba gets fouled, and Bordeaux make another substitution: the bad free-kick specialist Wendel comes off, replaced by Gabriel Obertan. That's about as exciting as it's been for the last 15 minutes.
(Game over in Lisbon, as Pedro is sent off and Bojan scores from the penalty spot... Sporting 2, Barcelona 5. Also, Shakhtar score their 4th of the night. Good for them!)
And yes Georger, I do hope Dossena leaves. He's fucking terrible. Let's get this Jurietti guy from Bordeaux. He seems decent enough.
78 mins: Spartak settle into playing 8 behind the ball and double-teaming every tackle, which is just the trick if you're looking to squeeze the life out of the final 10 minutes as they are planning to.
Lampard forces a low save from Valverde after being put through by Malouda, the clearance ends up with Lampard again but no such luck second time around. Funny how Lampard always seems to spring to life once his team is winning, isn't it?
(Shakhtar score a 5th, and its dawning on me that Group B is going to be fun in 2 weeks. After all, any one of Anorthosis, Inter Milan or Panathanaikos could go through. Nothing is guaranteed after today, if the results hold. At least one of these groups has proven to still have drama heading into the final matchday.)
82 mins: Bordeaux appeal for a backpass, to no avail. A bit desperate, really.
83 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL and it's one of the amazing Diarras! There's quite a few of them, but make no doubt on this one: Alou Diarra leaps like a gazelle from a nice inswinging corner, and he buries it in off the near post. Cech doesn't move, and nor do any of the Spartak defenders in the box, all of them remaining rooted to the grass. They deserved that. Bordeaux 1, Spartak London 1
I blame John Terry for that one. Then again, I'd blame him for global warming if I could.
Substitution for Chelsea: Joe Cole off (he gave away the corner that Bordeaux scored from), Paulo Ferreira on.
86 mins: Wonderful! Lampard, who's had an awful game, slides late on Fernando Menegazzo and picks up a yellow card. He slinks away as it takes the ref a minute to realize Lamps was booked earlier. Thankfully, the ref got it eventually and beckons Lampard over to show him the red and end his dismal evening. Can Bordeaux sneak it with the man advantage? This liveblogger hopes so.
88 mins: Bordeaux are pouring forward down the left and Jurietti's cross is cleared to Planus, who seizes his chance to hammer it high into the stands. Good effort from the defender there. Spartak are shaky as the clock ticks down.
3 minutes of injury time.
(Also, all the Cypriot talk should be put on hold temporarily, as there's a chance no-one will face them in the knockouts: Werder Bremen just equalized. 2-2 in Cyprus with seconds remaining.)
90 mins + 1: Chalmat hoofs it forward to no-one in particular, which is not the strategy you'd expect from a team with a man advantage. They do get a more meaningful attack shortly thereafter, and Malouda gets the last touch as it goes out. Corner to Bordeaux. Gourcuff to thwack it in.
The outswinger causes trouble as Diawara got a head to it. It bounces around a bit but no shot before Terry belts it long down the pitch... and that's all she wrote.
FULL-TIME: Bordeaux 1, Spartak London 1
As painful to watch as it was, a deserved result. I do love to see Spartak struggle, and Lampard's sending-off was a particularly happy moment.
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Thanks for following along, one and all. One last look around the grounds (all full-time scores):
CFR Cluj 1, AS Roma 3
Anorthosis Famagusta 2, Werder Bremen 2
Inter Milan 0, Panathanaikos 1
Shakhtar Donetsk 5, Basel 0
Sporting 2, Barcelona 5
Atletico Madrid 2, PSV Eindhoven 1 (I forgot this was played behind closed doors bc of their home fan troubles)
Liverpool 1, Marseille 0
Friday, November 21, 2008
Gallas needs a ball gag
While the daily entertainment quotient would undoubtedly go down, it's about time for William Gallas to shut his mouth. He already caused enough of a stir with his stories from inside the Arsenal locker room to reportedly be dropped from the squad and lose the armband. That's not enough for Mr. Gallas, however. Now he's aiming to get dropped from the French squad as well.
Earlier today, in what looks to have been leaked from an upcoming autobiography, news filtered out that Gallas has feuds in the France locker room as well. This time it's not over heart or anything like that, it's over respect. Not towards the refs, but from young players to the veterans.
The player whom Gallas had the big problem with is not named explicitly, but there are a couple of clues. First of all, the player is code-named "S". Secondly, the player's age at Euro 2008 was 20. This has led to speculation that the unnamed player is Samir Nasri, a guy who Gallas just can't get away from, either with club or country.
Nasri's (if it is him) crime? He took Thierry Henry's seat on the bus. I tell you what, that is a heinous bit of disrespect, and worthy of losing the respect of all your teams' fans for bringing it up.
The Eurosport article goes a bit further into what Gallas thinks of the new generation of footballers. Given his take on the current crop of teens and young twenty year-olds he's around, I have to say that he's gotta go. Arsenal are obviously dedicated to youth right now, and having a captain who has nothing but contempt for everyone else on the team (save Silvestre) is not going to work out.
Then the question becomes: who takes over the captaincy? It would seem that Wenger has a predilection for Frenchmen and , predictably, he has a lot of choice on the team. Diaby, Sagna, Nasri, Silvestre and Clichy all fit the bill. As well as someone named Francis Coquelin, who has not debuted in the first team yet. Or will it filter down to Almunia? Ol' Bleachy is the vice captain (so Wikipedia tells me) and may have to assume the armband full time until he gets dropped as well.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
We Don't Want to Rule the World. We Just Want to Piss Off the Brits.
Bernard Laporte contemplates his master plan.As we all know, the French and the Brits enjoy tweaking each other (why, Bigus and I engaged in a slap-fight just this morning), particularly when it comes to sports. Lately, much of the invective coming from the French side has been from the increasingly clueless Michel Platini. Although he is supportive of this latest agitation, he is not the main architect. For that, we must look to Bernard Laporte, the sports minister of France.
So it seems that the French have a plan (we do?) to deal with the effects of global financial instability on sports by putting European sports leagues under the purview of a European "super-sport" administrator. Theoretically, by removing the influence of the domestic government bodies on financial regulation of sports leagues, this new European administrator would: (1) prevent clubs from being damaged by the financial failures of their backers; and (2) increase parity by preventing clubs from profiting on the pitch (in terms of results) while maintaining an increasingly burdensome debt (a la Chelsea; yes, we can argue that Chelsea's debt is owed to Abramovich - cut me some slack here, it's not my plan).
Bascially, many see this as a power-grab by UEFA (and by Platini, of course; Michel, arret-toi, enfin!) which would effectively gain control over financial regulation, player transfers, and youth development. Obviously, the FA and the EPL (suck it, Barclay's!) are opposed to such a move, and British sports minister Gerry Sutcliffe has indicated that he is not amenable to many of the details of the plan, including the provision for allowing sports leagues an "opt-out" for European law (seriously? the plan is to just allow sports leagues to ignore international law? how was that considered a good idea?).
The most interesting note comes at the end of the article, and provides some juicy food for thought:
If the French proposals are accepted next week they will be included on the agenda for the Council of Ministers meeting at the end of the year, raising the prospect that sport's regulation could become a bargaining chip in horse-trading over weightier issues among heads of state.
Ah, yes, the old bargaining chip. I can see it now: "We'll let you keep the FA in control, but you have to fully join the EU by dropping your stupid British pounds!"
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Silence, Bande de Cretins!
La Marseillaise is one of the most recognizable songs in the world, and is generally considered to be the greatest national anthem ever written. The lyrics recount the struggle during the French Revolution, and are filled with vivid imagery such "May a tainted blood irrigate our furrows."
Now, we French take the sanctity of the French language very seriously, even enacting a law (Loi Toubon) to protect against the infiltration of non-French words into French society. This goes back as far as 1635, when Cardinal Richelieu established L'Academie Francaise to act as the official authority on all matters concerning the French language. So what does all this mean?
Like I said, we take the French language very seriously.
Yesterday (Tuesday, October 14th), France played against Tunisia in a friendly. Although the match was played in Paris at the Stade de France, many of the 60,000 spectators were Tunisian. Given the history of French colonialism, this is not surprising. However, given the context of that history, it should not have come as a shock that many of the Tunisian supporters whistled during the playing of La Marseillaise.
In France, as in much of Europe, whistling is extremely derogatory and is considered even more offensive than booing. This has happened before, against Algeria in October 2001 and against Morocco in November 2007 (both friendlies, and both against former French colonies). 
This time, the opposing supporters took things even further, whistling at Hatem ben Arfa as he was announced. Ben Arfa was born in France to Tunisian parents, and the Tunisian Football Association spent a great deal of time trying to convince him to play for that national team, which was obviously unsuccessful. While Domenech stated that he was "moved" by the beautiful singing of both national anthems by several franco-tunisian women, he claimed that he simply ignored the negative energy from the crowd.
The rest of France, however, did not. Prime Minister François Fillon called the whistling "insulting for France and the French players", while Bernard Laporte, the ministerial secretary of state for sport, was quoted as saying that France should no longer play friendly matches against their North African former colonies. After meeting with President Nicolas Sarkozy, French Sports Minister Roslyne Bachelot stated that in the future any matches at which La Marseillaise was interrupted by poor sportsmanship would be stopped immediately. She went on to state:"Government members will immediately leave the arena where our national anthem has been whistled. When whistling of our antional anthem happens, all friendly games with the country concerned will be suspended for a period yet to be determined by the federation president."
Unfortunately, Jean-Marie Le Pen also felt the need to open up his yap. The far-right (way far right) mouthpiece declared that the whistling of La Marseillaise was a sign that the multicultural experiment of France is not working.
I've discussed before the appelation of the national team as "Les Blacks, Blancs, et Beurs", a concept of which Le Pen is not fond. Incidents such as those of yesterday simply give this asinine man even more ammunition for his National Front party ramblings.
Certainly, the history of French colonialism in North Africa is a painful one (on both sides), and it is understandable that resentment against racism (both state-supported and individual) is present.
But really, how can you boo the greatest national anthem ever written?
To recap:
If you are English and boo Cashley Cole, that is acceptable.
If you are anyone and you disrespect La Marseillaise, we will hunt you down and beat you with a baguette. Or maybe we'll just take our ball and go home.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Le Championnat 2008/2009 Preview
Olympique Lyonnais. Olympique Lyonnais. Also, Olympique Lyonnais. In fact, Olympique Lyonnais 4x more. The powerhouse club from southeastern France has won the last 7 Ligue 1 (AKA Ligue 1 Orange, but it will always be Le Championnat to me) titles. Will this year be more of the same? Join me after the jump for a preview.
[Ed. note: Yes, I know the league started this weekend. Bite me]
[Secondary Ed. note: If anyone makes an Olympic swimming joke, I will cut you]
So, our more astute (read: Francophone; hello? any of you out there?) readers will know that Ligue 1 already kicked off this past weekend, with all but one of the games on Saturday (guess who got the prime Sunday alone time?). But that doesn't mean that this preview still isn't timely. I mean, it's only one game, right?
After that one game, we have discovered that: (1) Claude Makelele as captain will not magically cause PSG to beat all comers (0-1 to Monaco, despite no Freddu Adu); (2) l'OM have much ground to make up if they want to challenge Lyon for the title (4-4 against Stade Rennais, with Marseille GK Steve Mandanda scoring an OG - see what happens when French people name their sons Steve instead of Jean?); and (3) Lyon are capable of bossing shitty teams all over the pitch (3-0 against Toulouse, with a brace from my boy Karim Benzema, and a yellow for the useless Toulalan).
As mentioned, Lyon are holders of the last 7 Ligue 1 titles, beginning with the 2001/2002 season. However, they still trail Saint-Etienne, l'OM, and Nantes (!) in terms of overall titles. A win this year would put them in a 3-way tie at 8 titles, trailing only Saint-Etienne, who have 10. However, no one else has even come close to 7 consecutive titles, with Saint-Etienne and Marseille both having won 4 in a row (Marseille would have had 5, but the 1992/1993 season never happened). So, everyone has been looking up at Olympique Lyonnais for quite some time now, and they are getting tired of it.
Although all 20 clubs made transfer moves this summer, only the following individuals should be seen as having a chance to make a difference:
Havre AC: (1) Cedric Faure (from Reims).
Le Mans: (1) Anthony Le Tallec (from Liverpool).
Lyon: (1) Hugo Lloris (from Nice) - forced to step into the starting spot since the departure of Coupet to Atletico Madrid; (2) Jean Makoun (from Lille) - the midfielder scored the first goal of the season; and (3) Milan Baros (returning from loan to Pompey).
Marseille: (1) Hatem ben Arfa (from Lyon) - already scored a goal in the opening 4-4 shambolic tilt with Stade Rennais
Paris Saint-Germain: (1) Sammy Traore (returning from loan to Auxerre) - how did we miss him? ; (2) Ludovic Giuly (from AS Roma); and (3) Claude Makelele (from Chelsea).
Rennes: (1) Carlos Bocanegra (from Fulhamerica).
The two teams who made the most noise during the transfer season are Olympique Lyonnais and Olympique de Marseille, and not surpisingly they are the two teams tipped to fight for the title (with Bordeaux a 3rd possibility). In addition to the arrivals mentioned above, those two teams lost the following:
Lyon: (1) Loic Remy (to Nice); (2) Hatem ben Arfa (to Marseille; aren't you paying attention?); (3) Gregory Coupet (to Atletico Madrid; keep up, there will be a quiz); (4) Sebastian Squillaci (to Sevilla); and (5) Patrick Muller (to nowhere yet).
Marseille: (1) Samir Nasri (to Arsenal); and (2) Jacques Faty (to Sochaux).
So what does all of this mean? The arrival of Makoun means that Lyon now starts a team with a backline of: (1) Boumsong (dear me!); (2) Fabio Grosso (who gets my grudging respect); and (3) Francois Clerc (oops!) / Anthony Reveillere; a midfield of: (1) Makoun; (2) Juninho; (3) Toulalan; and (4) 2 scrubs named Miralem Pjanic (they claim he is the "Ligue 1 Aaron Ramsey")and Mathieu Bodmer; and the strike-force tandem of: (1) Karim Benzema and (2) Sidney Govou. That's a lot of concentrated firepower in front of a shaky defense and some questionable goalkeeping (Lloris is young and very untested).
Laurent Blanc (who was a one-time candidate to replace Nosferatu Raymond Domenech) did well with Bordeaux last year, and they kept up the pace by beating Lyon in the Trophee des Champions (the Ligue 1 equivalent of the FA Community Shield) last week. But, shiny trophies and 2-1 wins over Caen in their opener aside, Bordeaux may struggle to make the same sort of push they did last year, as that was seen as something of an aberration (the last time Bordeaux won Ligue 1 was the 1998/1999 season).
Marseille responded well last year to their new coach, and have replaced Samir Nasri with Hatem ben Arfa to play behind Djibril Cisse (who may yet leave l'OM) and Bakari Kone. However, their defense is untested, and Mandanda has looked so shaky that even Domenech decided not to play him in Euro 2008. They will need much better results than the afore-mentioned 4-4 tie to Stade Rennais, in which: (1) Mandanda had a ball bounce off his back and roll into the net; (2) l'OM thought they had won when Eliot Grandin scored in injury time in the second half; and (3) they promptly tied when they allowed Bruno Cheyrou to score one minute later.
As for the rest of Le Championnat, look out for: (1) Saint-Etienne seeking to regain their old-school form with the play of new-school striker Bafetimbi Gomis; (2) Monaco looking to give Freddy Adu some run (although if they sell off all the players that are currently on the block, they may be fighting relegation); (3) Rennes (Stade Rennais), building off their 4-4 tie with l'OM (have I mentioned that score yet?) and letting Bocanegra and Cheyrou build from the defense through to Sylvain Wiltord and Olivier Thomert; and (4) Paris Saint-Germain, who were banned from defending their League Cup title for supporter shenanigans, playing off new imports Makelele and Giuly in order to make some noise.
The relegation battle looks to consist of the "Le" teams: (1) Le Havre; (2) Le Mans; (3) Le Grenoble (aww, crap - that one doesn't work), possibly joined by Lille and Caen.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
La Fin du Monde? Ou La Fin de Raymond?
As everyone is aware by now, I am the resident UF Frenchman. I am sure that you are also aware that France lost to Italy 2-0 yesterday and was eliminated from Euro 2008. As you might imagine 2 + 2 = 4, and I am an unhappy camper. To make it worse, Cardillo took some cheap shots over on Deadspin today with some lame French jokes. Needless to say, I was not happy about that either. So what does this all mean?
This time, there was no Trezeguet to return the favor to Titi.
Alright, what does it mean besides the crying?
In France today, there was much gnashing of teeth and ululations of grief (man, I'm a fucking poet) over the lackluster performance of Les Bleus. Three games, two goals, one man. Titi managed to score one goal for France (against the irrepressible Dutch) and one goal for Italy (against France!). To be fair, it was clear that the French arrived on the pitch a bit shaken up yesterday, due to their arrival shenanigans at the stadium in Zurich.
Our worst fears for the match were confirmed when Ribery went down from a gunshot on the grassy knoll. However, Domenech shockingly responded in an intelligent manner by putting in Samir Nasri (who should have been starting for Toulalan in the first place, dammit!). But the future Gunner had only 16 minutes on the pitch after Abidal (starting in place of the ancient Thuram) was awarded a straight red card. The penalty kick was converted, giving Italy a 1-0 lead, and ensuring that France had to score 2 goals in order to advance out of the group. Domenech, in a bout of sheer lunacy, decided to replace Nasri with Jean-Alain Boumsong (insert shambolic EPL defender joke here). OK, Raymond, let me get this straight. With Ribery out, Nasri is clearly our best midfielder on the pitch. We are down to 10 men, and we need 2 goals. And you respond by taking off our greatest offensive threat from the midfield to insert another defender? It didn't matter if we lost 1-0 or 17-0, we were still going home! We needed 2 goals! Ca ne va pas, non?
But worry, not, fair folks. While the rest of France was in a deep despair, Domenech was having himself a grand old time by ignoring questions about the match, instead proposing to his 31-year old girlfriend. If only Chris Myers had been there.
The overwhelming majority of French football fans that I have spoken to hope that this is the last straw for Domenech, who has 2 years left on his contract. Since replacing Jacques Santini after Euro 2004, Domenech has lead France to the World Cup Final match against Italy in 2006 (losing on PKs) and to a first-round exit in Euro 2008 (tying Romania, losing to the Netherlands, and losing to Italy). The French Football Federation has announced that they will be making a decision on Domenech's future with the team by July 3rd (I would link to the official FFF website, but, well, it's in French and you Philistines couldn't read it). So hopefully on July 4th, I will have two reasons to celebrate.
The Good, The Bad, The WTF: Euro 2008 Edition
This post, my friends is going to be a mess. As long as you know that going in, we'll all be okay. Inside, we will break down each competing country's home and away jersey and file it into the categories Good, Bad and WTF. Pretty simple, huh?
For ease of my poorly HTMLing soul, I will only provide links to each shirt instead of trying to force them all into the Blogger template. Trust me, if you've seen how Blogger can mangle posts by screwing up pictures, this is a good thing.
Onwards and upwards, my friends. Here we go.
Group A
Switzerland Home Away Switzerland wear Puma jerseys. In what will quickly become a theme in this post, Puma jerseys all look cookie-cutter. They have a template, switch colors where necessary, and affix the necessary badges. Boring. What I like about the Swiss shirt is the badge. That kind of artsy rendering of their national association where they also fit in the white cross. However, these are Puma jerseys, so the verdict is:
Home and Away: Bad
Czech Republic Home Away Plain. Boring. Go home. I do like the blue piping on the home shirt, and the Czech badge is one of the more interesting entries, full of history, for those into that. But it is simply not enough to overcome the crappiness of being a Puma shirt.
Home and Away: Bad
Portugal Home Away There is something wrong with the Portugal home shirt. We here at UF could not quite put our finger on it, but we hate it. It could be the wrong hue, or it could just be the too tight fit. We hated it all the same. On the other hand, we were much more sympathetic to the white shirt. It looks a lot better, but, in the end, we found it a little plain.
Home and Away: Bad
Turkey Home Away Now we're talking. It may still be a hangover from their unbelievable victory over the Czechs on Sunday, but these are both very nice shirts. The home shirt can look a little like a 'Boro effort, I'm sure, but it dazzles nonetheless. And that away shirt, my goodness. Two teams made solid use of baby blue accents this tournament, and Turkey is one of them.
Home and Away: Good
Group B
Austria Home Away A mixed bag. Once again, we are stuck with Puma templates, but Austria does something a little right here. It's not in the home shirt, really, though it should rate a "meh" instead of its final grade. The winner here is the away shirt. Menacingly black with a little flag flair thrown in at the collar.
Home: Bad; Away: Good
Croatia Home Away Did we even get to see the all-checkerboard shirt yet? I don't recall. You have to give them respect for sticking with such and irritating-to-the-eyes shirt for all of these years. As for the blue away shirt, man, I don't know. And for that, it perfectly fits the WTF category. Safe to say I would not want to sport either one of these walking around my town.
Home and Away: WTF?
Germany Home Away Poor Germany. Forever saddled with a white shirt that they are not entirely happy with, so they fuck around with it. This year's entry feels unbalanced. Too much black in the striping, not enough red or yellow. At least it keeps us away from the away shirt. Seriously, this is not a look for top tier international football. This is a training top. Even though I kind of like the gold stitching on the black background, I hope they never have to wear it.
Home: Bad; Away: WTF?
Poland Home Away Poland, the home of unattractive football. They never looked good playing in the Euros, and these shirts did not help. Blandest of them all.
Home and Away: Bad
Group C
Romania Home Away Romania's shirts this year felt like a throwback to USA '94. Sadly, the team did not perform in the same manner. The worst part of it all is that they totally rip off the New York Cosmos badge. Anyway, 14 years is too soon to do a throwback jersey. Well, I write that, but I can't hate on the home jersey. I like it.
Home: Good; Away: Bad
France Home Away I am not a fan of the extra crap going across the middle of the French home shirt. They do, however, get credit with me by having their flag pop up inside the adidas stripes on the arms. Throw in that nice, newish badge of the rooster and you have a winner. God help me, I like the garish red away shirt as well. Two winners.
Home and Away: Good
Netherlands Home Away The Dutch are always hard to figure out. They have to use that bright orange which pays homage to a royal family line that no one likes. Sometimes they pull it off, and sometimes it is painful. This tournament, they pulled it off, sometimes. The Dutch were the second team to tastefully use Nike's new baby blue accent by pairing the orange shirt with baby blue socks. And it totally worked. However, when they reverted to orange socks yesterday, it all looked horrible. Also, nice try, but you can't work in your flag on the collar without it looking like you won First Grade attendance medals. As for the away shirt, it divides us. But, I'm the one writing here, and I hate it. So, there you go. We do seem to be unified in liking the cyborg numbering though.
Home: Good, with qualifications; Away: WTF?
Italy Home Away Italy stick with the basics. Once again, this is a Puma top, but it's not quite as bad as the red and white ones. This gets a passing grade for the gold at the neck. The away jersey, though, is run of the mill and boring.
Home: Good; Away: Bad
Group D
Spain Home Away I think we were a bit undecided by these. The home jersey is nothing out of the ordinary, but it works well. That light gold away shirt, though, is rather atrocious. Hopefully, Spain will not be required to trot it out on their way to winning this year's tournament.
Home: Good; Away: WTF?
Russia Home Away These had potential, especially the away shirt, but the execution is off. I am all for integrating you nation's flag into the shirt. I don't like it when doing so means that I have to fill in the blanks for you. The white shirt loses the top stripe of the flag and the red shirt loses the bottom stripe of the flag. Why not go with a blue away shirt so that one can easily make out the flag running across the torso? Nike FAIL.
Home: Bad; Away: WTF?
Greece Home Away Thanks for coming and bringing the same kit from 2004. Did you think that would work? Okay, the sublimated flag print on the away shirt is nice, but no dice.
Home and Away: Bad
Sweden Home Away It's always tough to deal with the Swedish shirts. The combo of yellow and blue is a nice one, but they just use too much yellow sometimes. If only I could get a reason to really like a bunch of yellow Swedish shirts. Oh, here's one. The away shirt is a tough one. In some pictures, it looks black, which would be a bold move, but in others it looks navy, which is kind of boring. Still, since Swedish girls will wear them and get pictured in them, they are both winners.
Home and Away: Good
Euro Trash Day 11: The Replacements
The Dutch rested 9. The French made 3 changes. The Romanians stood firm. The Italians mixed and matched a little.
Today was a day for drama and substitutes, for hasty tactical rearrangements and a formation shattered by a first-half red card. Regardless, every team earned their cash, and we enjoyed the treats.
Somewhere tonight, an astrological chart burns.
If I were Raymond Domenech, I simply wouldn't go home. I wouldn't run the risk of being mutilated and torn limb-from-limb by the croissant-chompers lying in wait at Charles de Gaulle airport. I would simply pull a Jason Bourne; burn my current ID, pull out a fake passport, cut my hair and add a fake moustache, and disappear into the night. No note of apology, no note of sorrow and regret... just get the fuck out and start again. Barbados is looking for a coach, but even he might be a touch too New Agey for a country rooted in various spiritual traditions. That being said, let's put Gallic castigation aside for a minute and look at these scrappy Italian feckers. Did they wet themselves when examining the task at hand? No. Did they complain at every refereeing decision? No, especially not the contentious red card for Thuram's understudy, Eric Abidal. It was a blatant, clumsy foul. No doubt whatsoever there. But a straight red? Is someone taking the term "professional foul" a little too seriously? Coupet was right there, although Eric was the last man. Did they work hard in the second half to make sure the victory was theirs? Yes. Did they make the most of what was good fortune and enterprise was thrown their way? Yes, with the exception of yet another dismal performance from lone frontman Luca Toni. (As the BBC liveblog noted, Toni and Mario Gomez combined for 43 goals this season in the Bundesliga. What the fuck is going on? Are they that bad, or is it the Bundesliga?) For Italy, this was a fine way to bounce back from two terrible performances earlier in the group. They now stumble into the quarter-finals to face Spain, with the grim reality of continuing to toil without Cannavaro, and now losing Pirlo and Gattuso to 1-game suspensions after their yellows this evening. For France, a long trip home and plenty of time to reflect. Why didn't Thuram play? Why did Ribery have to overextend on that meaningless, innocuous foul early in the game? Why did Domenech flirt with using Nasri, only to pull him after the red card instead of the listless Toulalan (who's been absolute crap in Euro '08)? Why did Henry toil alone up front? Why is Coupet not in line for the French presidency? All these questions can be answered rather simply: Domenech is a useless son of a bitch. I eagerly await his termination and subsequent replacement, who is facing a Herculean task to turn around this old, tired squad that's horribly imbalanced towards the aged and tenured. I just hope for Estelle Denis' sake that Raymond makes a better husband than manager (Else, I'll happily offer my services as a replacement). Poor Romania. Even with 9 changes to the Dutch XI that fisted France and Italy, they still couldn't get it done. Of course, in lieu of finding actual constructive criticism, the Bucharest press will surely just call for Mutu's head after his penalty miss against Gianluigi Buffon. But in reality, Romania simply wasn't good enough today. Despite the waves of possession and half-chances, you always had the feeling that the clog-hoppers were going to walk away unscathed, and two moments of class were enough. Huntelaar's finish was decisive from Afellay's cross, and Van Persie surprised our UF liveblog peanut gallery in playing the entire match and even bagging the late goal with an emphatic close-range effort. Shame for the Romanians, but they're history now. Beyond that, a mouth-watering semi with either Spain or Italy, and then who knows? Of all the teams to make it this far, none other has shown the consistency of character or victory, but they all have their strong points. I wrote at length of the Dutch ability to waste talent in my team preview, and perhaps it's all downhill from here. At least they've shown us some entertainment in the group stages. (ps. I'm still picking Spain to shake their pretender shackles and emerge victorious, even though Total Football appears to have, gulp, returned)
France 0
Italy 2 (Pirlo 25" pen, De Rossi 62")
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Netherlands 2 (Huntelaar 54", Van Persie 87")
Romania 0
Regarding Holland, do we join the bandwagon and anoint them as the tournament favourites heading into the quarter-finals? On performances alone, they've been the most impressive by far. They've enjoyed clear victories over a darkhorse and two pre-tourney frontrunners, and now they're looking at a dinner date with either Russia or Sweden, two equally-dull and dismal sides to watch.
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Links Roundup
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Meet Aragones, your new Fenerbahce manager [Soccernet]
Madagascar fire their manager, who was UNDEFEATED in qualifying! [Yahoo! Sports]
Soccer means less people go to the opera? I'm stunned! [AP]
Jens Lehmann with some advice on how to stop Portugal. I'm worried, considering he couldn't stop Birmingham [International Herald Tribune]
Germany's bright young star might jump to the Jewish club of North London. Good/bad idea? [The Daily Telegraph]
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Top 10 US Players who deserve to see the pitch (seriously, get rid of Donovan) [THE YANKEE HOOLIGAN]
An inside look at Chelsea's propaganda machine [Pitch Invasion]
Remember this? Well, they've been found guilty! Elder brother Shaun must be so proud! [BBC News]
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Euro 2008 Liveblog: Italy v France
Yes, it is deja vu all over again.
It's either the '00 Euro Final or the '06 World Cup Final. Take your pick.
Anyway, with only three matches in the group phase it does, as they say, get late early. And thanks in part to a plucky Romanian side (and some dodgy refereeing) France and Italy face off in a winner take all match for survival in Group C.
Unless of course those same Romanians have something to say about it. A Romanian defeat of the Dutch in the other match would all but render Italy v. France an exercise in futility. And seeing how the Dutch have nothing to play for, don't expect to see EPSN's favorite player Ruud Van Persie on the pitch. Nor is Giovanni van Sneijder, Arjen Kuyt, or any of their other stalwarts likely to see time on the field.
So, oops. Fuck. Much like 04 when Italy posted a couple of listeless draws in their first two matches then watch the Scandinavians engineer a result to send them packing, Italy has only themselves to blame for putting themselves in this position.
France, on the other hand, can place all the blame on Domenech. He's an idiot.
Anyway, seeing how Europe doesn't understand that the United States doesn't shut down for these matches, we might have some liveblogging technical difficulties (specifically, if the live bloggamy starts, beware it might cut out at any moment). Still the thread is here to follow along.
And to get your commenting inspiration jumpstarted, it's another Euro haiku:
I'd take Gigi's life
Heroic penalty save
His wife is smokin'
[Tip o' the hat to NY Kid for the line-ups]
The starting XI for Everybody Negates Raymond:
GK - Coupet
DEF - Abidal; Gallas; Clerc; Evra
MID - Makelele; Toulalan; Ribery; Govou
ST - Titi (C); Benzema
The starting XI for Roberto Donadoni (those are my two favorite Mutant Ninja Turtles btw):
GK - Buffon (C)
DEF - Zambrotta; Panucci; Chiellini; Grosso
MID - Pirlo; De Rossi; Gattuso; Perrotta
ST - Toni; Madman Cassano
This match is being played at Letzigrund, in Zurich.
Centre official: Ľuboš Michĕl (SVK)
Assistant referees: Roman Slyško (SVK); Martin Balko (SVK)
4th official: Viktor Kassai (HUN)
T-minus 10: Ugh... Foudy. I can understand an SC anchor stumbling over 'Van Nistelrooy,' but he's only played for maybe the two most famous clubs in the world.
T-minus 8: Okay, good think Henry went to Barca. He's dead to me and I don't have to worry about mixed club allegiances fucking my Nationalism.
T-minus 6: Crowd-wide "Seven Nation Army" chant. Not a White Stripes fan. If you want me to lose my shit, you're going to have give me 50,000 people singing along to "Killer Parties."
T-minus 3: And we have our first crowd shot of hot Italian poon. Followed by "Song of the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey"
T-minus 2: Rain. Repeat of what Cech pulled?
T-minus (-1): Ack... Grosso is going to have to come forward from the left back slot a lot to give some width. Look for France to try to expose that.
0:00: Kick. Italy in white moving left to right on your radio dial. France in blew.
2nd minute: First good push from France. Ribery cuts to the top of the box and fires a shot that is blocked away for a corner. Cleared by Italy.
3rd minute: Ref holds a small summit meeting. France takes a corner that lands at the top of the 18 but there is nobody there. Cleared.
4th minute: Italy looks a little tentative... Oh, on Toni's foot and he shoots it wide. Fail. He should have done much better with that. I'm agreeing with Andy Gray that he should have taken another touch on that before shooting.
6th minute: Really Italy, you're going to play Route 1 football? Counter from France. Ribery from the left side, puts it across the box, but it goes to nobody.
7th minute: Italy with nothing in the midfield. Zambrotta taken down by Ribery and it's Ribery who looks hurt. This would be bad for Ribery and France. Might be his ankle. Stretcher cart is out and he is still on the ground.
9th miunte: Still tending to Ribery. For all the ribbing. As an Italian, I want to take the French down at their best. Nasri to come on for Ribery.
10th minutes: And it's free kick for Italy on the restart as Ribery did foul Zambrotta. Corner from the free kick... Oh, and it's almost a header from Panucci. On replay that was going in but it was Makalele who put a leg to it to clear it. So close...
12th minute: France working the midfield. Two teams exchange possession on some sloppy giveaways.
13th minute: Perotta on the counter. Tries a long feed to Toni, but it's disruppted by Abidal maybe. France now working back up the pitch. A long cross clears to box and falls harmlessly to the italians.
15th minute: Now Italy counters and Grosso gets deep. But he wastes the cross. It's partially deflected and we're back up the pitch on the feet of France. Low shot from Benzema goes wide of the near side.
16th minute: Ref is getting a little whistle happy. Think he wants a restart on the restart by Italy. Which we get and it's quickly turned over.
18th minute: Both teams are looking to attack but neither team is stringing together any long possessions. Cassano taken down by Evra, hey my least favorite player on the pitch. Pirlo to take the kick.
19th minute: Nice job by Coupet. But he almost left it too late on the save and came close to giving Toni a chance on a header. Govou wastes a counter. He takes a shot instead of feeding either Benzema or Henry both of whom were breaking into an open space. Stupid.
20th minute: Exchange of long kicks results in a throw in for Italy. It's up and down without much actually happening. Both teams are getting near chances but not forcing the keepers to work for the most part.
22nd minute: Great ball from Pirlo but Perrotta can't get a touch to control it. Bummer that would have been the best chance of the match.
23rd minute: Pirlo was fouled but with no whistle. Benzema works to the right edge of the box then has the ball knocked out off his feet. Play results in a GK for Italy. I'm too tense to make jokes (I"m wigwam, I'm a teepee... I'm two tents).
24th mintue: And it's a straight red for Abidal! Great touch on the long ball to Toni, he drags it down and Abidal as the last man takes him down. It's a PK for Italy. Pirlo to take it.
PIRLO 1-0 Italy. He pokes it to the top left corner and Italy lead with the PK and are a man up.
26th minute: I'll defer to Andy Gray who says the penalty and the card were deserved. I can see France saying it was harsh, but Abidal was the last man and he took a decent whack at the back of Toni's legs. Actually think it was the second contact that got him the card. Ouch.
27th minute: Was typing and did sese the change... Oooh, De Rossi with a blast just high.
28th minute: More pressure from Italy. Looking to put this away quickly. Cassano has it stripped from him. Then another cross into the box and Toni tries to get cheeky with a nice little backheel flick.
29th minute: Backing up, it was Nasri that came off for likely another defender. Didn't catch the change. And another great ball to Toni. This one from Pirlo. Instead of brining it down, Toni tries to one-time it and it pushes it wide. It would have been difficult to say the least.
31st minute: Toni is suddenly a menace in the box. But he can't put away 2 or 3 chances. Again, none were easy, but he could have pretty much ended this for Italy.
Thanks to Cedric for the change it was Boumsong on for Nasri.
33rd minute: So France needs two goals and they are a man down and under siege. Insert French surrender joke here. Grosso skies one. And De Rossi collects a whistle. And Henry pushes one just wide. A great through ball from almost midfield, it was right on Henry's foot but he pushed it wide of the far post.
35th minute: Italy have let France up off the mat. They are creating some chances and getting pressure. Italy looking to counter. They turn it over and France works it up the midfield patiently.
36th minute: France's work is paying off in that they are getting to the box with possession but Italy gets a foot to the ball before it gets dangerous. Pirlo gives it away, then robs it right back. Nice tackle, but the possession is wastd and back from France.
7th minute: Gattusso gets a touch on Henry as he fires and it's a free kick to Frnace from outside the top of the circle. Benzema takes it and fires it right into the wall. Sorry blogger just got a little bitchy. Free kick into the wall, and Italy counters.
40th minute: Again, screw blogger. About three errors. Fortunately the two teams obliged by kicking it back and forth for a couplathree minutes.
42nd minute: Benzema sends one to the back post but there is nobody there. Henry checked his run. GK for Italy.
43rd minute: Still pletny of life in the match as Italy know they can't sleep on a 1-goal lead. Free kick for Italy at the top right of the box. Grosso to take it. OH... and it's a beautiful strike low and angled that hits square on the post. That was inches from putting this one in the books. Perrotta is down, or he was. Now he's up. Magic water... is there anything you can't do?
45th minute: Pirlo called for a foul. Dubious. Coupet did get a touch on that ball and saved France. Really, that was going in.
+1 minute: The kick hangs and gives Buffon just enough time to come catch it.
+2 minute: More pressure from France. But another harmless cross cleared back to midfield.
+3 minute: Ref stops play. Evra faking. Really, get up you pansy. Italy robbed of a counter.
+4 minute: Card for Chiellini. Yellow. Free kick for France. Italy trying to give chances back. The ball bounced in the box. Benzema was there, but can't get a touch on it. Italy are able to clear. Nervous moments in the last few seconds but nothing coronary inducing.
Half. Italy 1 - France 0
Apparently I missed a yellow by Pirlo. Really? French players were hitting the pitch more easily than, well, an Italian.
Okay, good readers, I have a prior obligation meaning this now becomes an open thread. If another UF'er can jump on and finish the liveblog, please do.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Euro 2008 Liveblog: France v. Netherlands
This is the stuff of sandwich dreams. I'll tak slice of Noemie Lenoir (Claude Makelele's wife) and a slice of Sylvie Van der Vaart (Rafael's wife) with some cured TFA meat.Lineups after the jump...
France
Coupet -- Gallas, Sagnol, Thuram, Evra -- Malouda, Makalele, Govou, Toulalan, Ribery -- Henry
Netherlands
Van der Sar -- Van Bronckhorst, Mathijsen, Ooijer, Boulahrouz -- Van der Vaart, Engelaar, De Jong, Sneijder -- van Nistelrooy, Kuyt
Three changes to the French lineup. Evra in for Abidal, Henry and Govou on for Benzema and Anelka.
No changes for the rampant Dutch side.
Oooh...ESPN just showed a fan in the Euro '88 Champion Holland jerseys featured here, and comment Joet Smeeps confirmed was still widely worn in the land of tulips.
Here come the kiddies.
And, there's Arsene Wenger!
Anthems.
I think the team shots are really angering Le Pen.
Prediction: 2-2.
Thuram and Van der Sar exchange the little flags. Do you think they just have a wall full of them for all the games they skippered their respective teams?
0:00 French starts the match.
Fashion note: The Dutch are in their Oranje jerseys with taped on numbers, with light blue sockes and white short pants. I really fancy these kits.
2:00 Ribery serves the ball into the box but Holland clears nicely. It's already been a whistle filled match.
3:00 Van Nistelrooy with a weak turn and shot that Coupet scoops up easily.
4:00 Makalele fouls Kuyt with a flying elbow to the head but no card.
5:00 Ribery gets a head on a Malouda cross but can't get it on target. Not bad for the little guy.
8:00 Lots of midfield possession for both teams but nothing doing in the advanced third.
10:00 Goal!! 1-0 Holland Kuyt. Kuyt heads corner that he won off of a long pass from Boulahrouz.
Van Bronckhorst on the service. Nice tournamnet Gio is having, no?
13:00 Well, this should open up the match, but does France have the midfield quality to do anything?
Dirk Kuyt!!
16:00 Sneijder with an ambitious shot from 25 yards goes over.
18:00 The referee should really have a different color shirt on. The dark grey is perhaps just too similar shade with the dark blue of France.
20:00 The Dutch are looking absolutely latin in their one-touch passing. Kuyt gets on the end of a French deflection but the defender manages to unsettle him and Kuyt skies it over.
21:00 First French penetration by Gouvou, but VDS gets a kicksave to it for a corner. On the ensuing corner VDS collects the ball after it is swung around the box.
25:00 France is picking it up nicely. A good 1-2 from Henry to Govou, but van Bronckhorst troubles Govou from behind (dirty!) to unsettle the shot.
27:00 Kuyt is rampant. Boulahrouz throws it in and Kuyt ends up with the ball, lays it off to a Boulahrouz who strafes it across the front of the goal wide.
31:00 Sneijder dispossesses Sagnol easily which leads to a long spell of Dutch possession in the midfield. The team is just probing now...looking for that nice, juicy French opening.
33:00 Makalele gets booked for another flying elbow to the face of van der Vaart.
35:00 Malouda gets a shot on goal from 25 but VDS saves easily. On the ensuing possession, France moves up the left flank and swings the ball to the middle where Govou strikes from 18, but right to VDS.
And, again, the French are charging, unusual since they generally retreat, with Ribery getting a good shot in on VDS, who dives to his left with the save.
The Dutch defense is looking Swiss like.
37:00 Ribery sends it across the goal face but no French player can get on the end of it.
38:00 Sneijder with a bit of overconfidence from 30 yards.
42:00 Engelaar is 6'6"? That's huge. Henry looks a bit off pace.
43:00 Maka serves Henry on the topcenter of the 18, Henry turns but can't get it on frame.
45:00 Toulalan fouls van der Vaart. I'll comfort Sylvie.
Tweet, tweet. Holland 1 - 0 France.
The first half was a tale of two halves. I guess that would make it quarters. Whatever. The Dutch dominated the first half striking Goonie Gold with
See you in a few.
Second Half
46:00 Robben on Engelaar. More offense. Sweet.
47:00 Henry shows his first sign of class turning the Dutch defender around, crossing in front of the goal but Ribery couldn't get a solid touch on it.
49:00 Sagnol crosses the free kick to Gallas who rifles it in from 40. The ball caroms around a couple times finally reaching Henry who fires but its blocked by Ooijer. Henry appeals for a hand ball but I haven't seen the replay yet. Nevertheless, good scramble defense for the Dutch.
Replays seem to show it went off Ooijer's arm.
52:00 Now Ooijer gets booked after Henry throws a temper tantrum.
54:00 Henry BLOWS it. Malouda bikes it over his head and Henry runs on all alone with VDS and tries to chip it but sends it over the goal. What a putz!
55:00 Robin van Persie on for Kuyt. Jesus...the best defense is a good offense I guess.
56:00 Sneijder gets a good strong header in on Coupet, but it was just too far out.
58:00 Terrible free kick by the Dutch. Robben sends it right into the oncharging Maka.
59:00 Goal!!! 2-0 Holland! Van Persie. What an amazing play by van Nistlerooy to keep the ball in play to Robben who streaks down the left flank and crosses it to Van Persie who puts it on Coupet and just trickles past Coupet.
61:00 France on the attack again. Ribery strikes it well at VDS, but he volleyball spikes it back.
I missed it but Gomis is on for Malouda.
I still can't believe that last goal. The Dutch have the two best build-up goals in the tournament.
63:00 Robben sends in a strong daisy cutter to Coupet who gets a hand to it.
67:00 van Persie dispossesses Thuram and gets in on gaol but plays a blind ball to the middle of the box, but no Dutch players were trailing. He should have shot.
70:00 Sneijder sends a free kick into the 6 yard box but Coupet gobbles it.
71:00 GOAL!!! Henry. 2-1 Holland. Sagnol crosses it in to a streaking Henry in the 6 yard box, just touching his toe to the ball. Perfect pass and touch.
72:00 GOAL!!! Robben. 3-1 Holland. On the ensuing kickoff, Sneijder feeds Robben who beats Coupet near and high. Amazing shot from near the touchline. Wow.
75:00 Anelka on for Govou. Only 45 seconds between the last two goals. I was too busy typing and didn't even see the goal until the replay.
76:00 Henry trips Van Persie. Nice guy.
Van Bronckhorst fouls Gomis just outside the box. Ribery lines up over the ball from 22...but just chips it over to Henry who heads it over. Andy Gray is merciless on Henry's heading ability. Hilarious.
78:00 Bouma on for van der Vaart. Evra just sent a daisy cutter to VDS' right but its wide.
82:00 Maka slips on his arse when he had a great chance to get a shot on goal. Toulalan booked.
83:00 Van Nistlerooy almost gets on the scoresheet after a long ball from the back finds his head and goes just over Coupet but he recovers to save for a corner. Just a bit more pace and its 4-1.
85:00 Coupet comes out of his box to keep van Persie from getting in on goal alone. Just a bit too far from van Persie.
86:00 Mathijsen gets in on Anelka in the area to keep Anelka's shot from going on goal. Penalty appeal but to no avail.
87:00 Ribery over the ball from 23 but just over the goal.
89:00 Robben threatens again going a yard wide right. He really has been a phenom this half.
90:00 Two added minutes.
90:00 +2 GOAL!!! 4-1 Holland Sneijder with a brilliant shot from 18 over the keeper into the top shelf. Just off the bottom of the bar.
Game 4-1 Holland.
Holland advances and keeps its life from the group of death. France needs a Holland victory over Romania and its own victory over Italy to advance.
What a marvelous match for the Dutch. Again. The extra offense in the second half was some genius from Van Basten.
As the commenters have said, France just got cooked in the Dutch Oven, which is why all French are stinky.
Who was the man of the match? Van der Sar? Kuyt? Robben? Sneijder? I don't know. Kuyt was certainly the best in the first half, but Robben was great in the second and Van der Sar had some good saves.
I'll go with Robben who seemed to brighten the Dutch offense significantly.
Join me tomorrow for Spain -
Monday, June 9, 2008
Euro 2008 Liveblog: Romania/France
Hello hello folks, I trust you're all staying cold and inebriated on this fine summer's day. I am still a little shaky from yesterday's day-long bender/US v. Argentina match, but I'm up and running now.
Join me after the jump for lineups and a rather sardonic, perverted liveblog of the festivities. It's two teams I couldn't give a toss about.
Feel the excitement!
As I type this, Benzema creates some space for himself at the edge of the box, nudging the ball past a prone Chivu only to scuff his shot weakly wide of the left post. Manchester United wouldn't even offer a box of baseball bats for him at this rate. Sighs, wolf-whistles, and general discontent echo around the boxy stadium. Nicolas Anelka takes an early seat, subbed off for the pacy, dreadlocked force that is Bafetimbi Gomis. Bold prediction: he won't score either. Romania make a change too, as the coke fiend Mutu yields his spot to Marius Niculae. Feel free to lambast me for packing up and going home early in the comments. I bet I'll now miss a Toulalan hat-trick or something. Is he even still playing? Is this a dream? Is this match actually being written in the annals of history? Adieu, le monde. I'm jealous of Precious who has a much better game in the offing soon.
Lineups:
ROMANIA
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Lobont -- Contra, Tamas, Goian, Rat -- Cocis, Radoi, Chivu -- Nicolita, Niculae, Mutu
FRANCE
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Coupet -- Sagnol, Thuram, Gallas, Abidal -- Ribery, Toulalan, Makelele, Malouda -- Anelka, Benzema
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So that's exciting. Will Ribery light up the international stage like he burns the Bundesliga? Will Mutu earn back some of that cocaine money he owes Chelsea? Will Benzema live up to the crippling level of expectation being placed upon him?
3:00 -- so far, so quiet. Cagey opening, although France are making their strategy known: attack down the wings, so help me God. For that to work, they'll need a lot better production from Malouda than he manages in the EPL.
7:00 -- Malouda coughs up the ball tamely on the flank. Tommy Smyth's voice makes me want to strangle a retiree with my bare hands.
8:00 -- A brief flourish of action: a chance for Romania on the edge of the box is smothered, Maginot-style by four frogs in blue shirts, and then a speculative long ball down to Anelka (ostensibly acting as a lone striker) results in a volley high over the bar from Nicolas on the right side of the box.
10:00 -- Smyth confirms this hypothesis. Benzema and Ribery are coming from deep, and Anelka is expected to hold the ball up for them in possession. Doesn't Domenech know that Anelka is absolutely incapable of playing this way? The guy will shoot from anywhere. As selfish as they come. If only Trezeguet were in the squad...
12:00 -- Rat is an effective defender against Ribery thus far. It's not a good sign that both commentators are showing their open excitement for the next game when this one is still very much in its infancy.
15:00 -- nice slick move by Romania set up by the long ball, which is probably the best strategy they could use against these vertically-challenged French. The deep pass is flicked back infield for Niculae, who blasts a sharp volley not far wide of the left post. Best opportunity for either side thus far.
18:00 -- minor panic in the Romanian box as Lobont comes out slowly to clear a (surprise, surprise) long ball, but the ensuing clearance amounts to nothing. Are both teams content to hoof all day? I'd like to think not...
23:00 -- Makalele gets away with yet another studs-first challenge. He loves to tackle clumsily, doesn't he? This game is dismal thus far. The aging French backline is not really being troubled, and I've yet to hear Ribery's name mentioned by Tommy Smyth. Then again, that could simply be due to his pronunciation troubles.
25:00 -- I am falling asleep. No, really, it's true. Both teams are hampered significantly by "Last Touch" disease, a delightful ailment whereby the final pass is absolutely awful. Mutu gets clattered by Toulalan, and it comes to nothing. The French get a sniff when Malouda marauds down the left flank, but his cross is to no-one and the Romanians clear.
26:00 -- Daniel Niculae sees yellow for a handball in the box after a good cross is whipped in from the left and Gallas gives him the elbow from behind while in mid-air. As Smyth correctly posits for once, you really don't see yellow cards for handballs when you're attacking. Gonzalez thought it was intentional, and it goes into the book. Most exciting moment so far. Coupet and Lobont have had plenty of time to relax and shadow box as the sun pours across the pitch from right to left.
29:00 -- Lots more passing without venom or serious intent from the French, although Ribery gets clipped and earns a free kick 30 yards out in dead center. The dead ball is promptly drilled right into the bottom of the wall and the Romanians clear.
31:00 -- A mazy run from Ribery releases Sagnol on the right, and he wastes no time in blasting the cross high and wide of everyone. Has he been taking crossing lessons from Jermaine Pennant?
33:00 -- Best chance of the match is squandered by Nicolas "PK" Anelka. A French corner from the left is taken short to Ribery, whose cross bounces in the box and while the defense hesitates, Anelka has a free header that he pops over the bar.
38:00 -- My internet is failing a little, but thankfully, the two teams literally wait for me to return before doing anything remotely exciting. The French defense has been untroubled this entire match, which is odd for them, historically-speaking. And just like that, Cosmin Contra gets a yellow for some rather childish unsportsmanlike conduct. France win a throw-in, and as Abidal saunters over to grab the ball to take it, Contra flicks it away. Petulance is apparently a universal character trait.
40:00 -- I repeat: nothing is happening. They might as well not be playing. It's action manifested with non-action.
44:00 -- Holy fuck, Lobont had to make a save. Tricky work by Benzema on the left forces the goalie into action. Then Goian hip-checks Ribery and earns Romania their third yellow of the half. Two Romania corner in quick succession amount to nothing.
45:00 -- Why is Domenech not forcing the issue more? By sitting your two best players deep in midfield, you're isolating an already-useless Anelka against 4 burly, irritated Eastern European defenders, and there's never a chance for the midfield to catch up to the attack. It's dour to watch, and Romania are quite comfortable to sit back and let this bluster and passing to happen aimlessly well away from their goal. Lobont's kit is still as pristine as it was before the national anthems.
Domenech is an idiot, and now we get the glory of the ESPN in-studio team to ease us into the second-half. I might have to go and euthanize some kittens to create some modicum of excitement in my living room.
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Ugh, let's continue this baloney again. I feel dirty watching this. It's dour, dour stuff. Thierry isn't playing thanks to failing a fitness test earlier today, and Anelka is playing like absolute pants. With every touch of the ball, Roman Abramovich sheds a tear for the amount of money wasting on this legendary malcontent.
47:00 -- Ribery is clattered to the turf by Goian, already on a yellow card, but no free kick is even given. Domenech is pissed that his mercurial midfielder is getting bullied so far today.
Second-half questions:
- Will Tommy Smyth say something exciting? Will someone score a goal? Will I say something humorous?
49:00 -- It appears that Question #2 will be the first to get an answer. Malouda works hard on the left to turn his marker inside out, only to blast his shot well into the stands. It is fast becoming the trademark of this match: tons of effort exerted amounting to no real consequence. Wasn't it a law of physics that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction? If that were the case, either this match would be tied 4-4, or everyone would be dead.
61:00 -- I just got back from taking a rather painful dump, as my body finally shed the beer, bourbon, burgers and general neglect from yesterday's festivities. It took longer than usual, but I'll be damned, I didn't miss a fucking thing. This is poor from France; while Romania are hardier than most at the back, this Bleus squad is chock-full of flair, panache, elan, brio, and other words we probably stole from the French vocabulary. They should be carving through the Cocis and Contras of the world, should they not? It brings to mind the hype and excitement they carried into World Cup '02, only to be knocked out in the opening round without scoring a single bloody goal.
66:00 -- Still, the French press (lol, inadvertent coffee joke) but find all their shots blocked or deflected away from danger. The longer this game goes goalless, the more I honestly believe that a simple Romanian counter-attack will bring them the winning goal.
71:00 -- can either team give me anything worth writing about? Covering this game is akin to writing book reports in school: you end up bullshitting your way through 2000 words because there's simply nothing to say.
75:00 -- Abidal intercepts a half-hearted clearance and shoots from 40 yards. Not a bad shot, mind you, but after a dull match like this, did we really think that the left-back was going to bread the deadlock?
77:00 -- I'm close to turning this one off. Benzema is subbed off for Samir Nasri. One bright young thing for another. Karim covered 9.76 km, apparently, and had three shots. Question for you Yanks amid the commentariat: does km covered really mean anything to anyone?
78:00 -- Simply dismal shit. Domenech is a cunt who needs his head rearranging. Coaching tip for the second group game: you have talent in abundance. I suggest you use it instead of planting the perennial tower of sulk that is Nicolas Anelka. The moment that summed up Anelka best today: a nice bit of skill releases him on the right flank, and instead of crossing to Benzema, he hammers a shot in from the touchline instead. He's fucking terrible. Shame on you for picking him in the squad ahead of the rumored cuckold David Trezeguet. Trez at least knows how to pass. Cunt.
83:00 -- I'm done. I need to take another dump (damn cheap beer giving me stomach troubles the day after). This game has been a triumph for mediocrity, a tribute to wasted talent, and a glimmer of hope for Romania in this difficult group. I realize I am tempting the soccer gods by signing off early and expecting the result to stand, but not even Zizou could revive this limp-dick French side. Domenech.... only taking 1 point from Romania will make it nigh-on impossible to advance from this group.
Corner to French. Mange le merde, Raymond.
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