A Slight Stench of a Fix in Japan

At first glance, this weekend's Xerox Super Cup, the curtain raiser for the J-League season in Japan, seems to have been a case of a card-happy referee gone wild. Emperor's Cup winner Hiroshima San Frecce defeated J-League champion Kashima Antlers in a match that featured seven yellow cards, three red cards, a dubious penalty, retakes in the shootout and a pitch invasion.

But Ken Matsushima of The Rising Sun News doesn't think it's bad officiating. He suggests, no, he's convinced that a fix was in. Why? Because he knew the scoreline before the match. Hours before the kickoff, he posted on the message board:

Two possibilities -- a blowout win for the Antlers, or a nailbiter that might even go to PKs
Ill go with the latter. 2-2 in regulation time.

He goes on to explain, "From what I’ve heard, there have been some very large bets in Hong Kong on that score line."

The referee, Masaaki Iemoto has a reputation for being card-happy and being easily rattled. In fact, he developed such a reputation for poor officiating that in late 2006, Japan Football Association actually suspended him and sent him to Hong Kong for retraining.

Now, I'd normally dismiss suggestions of corruption in a case like this - they tend to come from sourgrapey homers or conspiracy theorists who can't fathom that a less talented team can beat a better team on any given day (in this case, the freshly relegated San Frecce knocking off the champs). A 2-2 result would be pretty hard to arrange, and the referee did send off players from both sides. Once you get to penalty kicks, it's a total crap shoot.

But it's not some internet John Doe running his mouth. Matsushima is the author of the one of the widely read English language sites on Japanese soccer, and he didn't just take a wild guess. If we are to take his word (and I don't see why we wouldn't), he knew that it would either be a clean match or a 2-2 draw ending in penalties. That's more than a little freaky.

We're obviously keeping our eye out to see anything comes out of the gambling angle, but in the meantime, enjoy these highlights from Iemoto's officiating career:

In this clip, you'll see the forward lose his balance in the penalty area. Iemoto awards a penalty and books the defender for... something.

Apparently, the #2 in white committed a bookable offense. Try to see exactly what he did, because I can't tell.

A Kawasaki goal against Urawa is disallowed for.. huh?

Later in the same match, the Kawasaki striker (#27) accidentally kicks the Urawa goalkeeper (in blue). The goalkeeper and his teammate attack the Kawasaki striker while he is on the ground, so naturally, the Kawasaki player is sent off while a yellow card is given to the goalkeeper.

Read more on "A Slight Stench of a Fix in Japan"...

It's Oh So Quiet Around Here

Not sure if you've noticed, but we've entered into a pattern here at UF where everybody disappears on the weekends. It is safe to assume that we are all watching football, attending weddings, doing laundry and maybe even buying new drapes with the missus (not really on that last one) [I forgot to add "...and drinking."].

So, to keep you entertained until we reconvene on Monday, here's a few quick hits.

As pointed out by Gunnerblog, karma is a bitch. Aston Villa away supporters sing sick chants about Eduardo's injury, only to see Curtis Davis lost for the rest of the season with a ruptured tendon. No one is wishing harm on any player, but Villa supporters brought that one on themselves. To his credit, the always classy Martin O'Neill called the chants "disappointing."

Man U, Chelsea and Man City are rumored to be interested in Jozy Altidore. I've said I wouldn't mind if he sticks around with the Red Bulls for another season to give us something to go watch when we cover the MLS this summer (blech), but it's only a matter of time until Jozy departs for Europe as a nation turns its lonely eyes to him.

It appears that today Liverpool was in fourth place for all of 50 seconds. I would imagine there will be more on this one later. [noon-ish: Right on cue, lucky Pompey equalize, but Everton are still in fourth -- for now!] [2:30pm: Everton win 3-1 and manage to put more pressure on Liverpool.]

Okaybyethanksforreading!

Read more on "It's Oh So Quiet Around Here"...

Traveling: The Titus Bramble of Blogging

I'm on the rag road. True to form, I draw the one person on the flight who needs the seatbelt extension as a neighbor, then my rental car company downgrades me because they are out of cars. Now, I'm borrowing time on a friend's computer with one of those split ergonomic keyboards and it has taken me 37 minutes to write these three sentences.

At least it's fucking sunny and warm where I am.

Anyway, I'm running late for the rehearsal dinner and none of this has anything to do with football, but they're gonna play games tomorrow no matter where the fuck I am, so I am going to live up to my voluntary responsibilities, goddammit!

I think there are a couple of midweek games. I know there is at least one as I rearranged my fantasy line-up to include Captain Collar-Pop. Seeing how much guff I've given the Scousers around here, I'm pretty sure this ends poorly. I think Chelski might also have a midweeky, but I'm not sure. So I'm just going to cushion the number of "predictions" this week and I'll look like a genius come Wednesday.

0-0
2-1
1-1
1-2
3-2
2-2
1-1
0-1
1-0
0-0
0-2
1-2
4-1 (*The Mancs are on fire)

Read more on "Traveling: The Titus Bramble of Blogging"...

Wayne Rooney Is Not Destined to Master Fingertapping

Well, yet another great week of posts here at UF. Big round of applause for everyone.

All that's left is to ask: What do Eddie Van Halen and Wayne Rooney have in common? Apparently nothing. The Sun "reported" yesterday that Rooney is giving up guitar in favor of learning drums.

I guess it's the bang-bang-banging of a drum kit that really interested him, considering his infant-like faculties.

Said the bulldog-ish one:

"I've been trying to learn to play the guitar but it's doing my head in. It's really hard!"

A United source said on the subject:

"Wayne had mentioned how difficult it was to read the music and get his fingers right for all the chords. He is a determined character but this is one battle even he thinks he might not be able to win. He fancies a drum kit — but his neighbours might not be pleased to hear that."

That's right, Wayne Rooney having trouble learning the same instrument that Noel Gallagher plays. Does this make Man City 1, United 0? Maybe.

Rooney shouldn't have given up so quickly. Everyone knows that guitarists get all the chicks.

[Ed. Note: you also hear far more "drummer jokes" than guitarist jokes]

Read more on "Wayne Rooney Is Not Destined to Master Fingertapping"...

WaGs, GND edition

When you don't have the cash to buy the best (and perhaps best looking) players, you make adjustments, plan, and spend your money wisely. Conversely, when you're looking for a lady for your small budget team, you need to be a bit more creative.

Here's a homage to a few clubs and what they're getting into. Millwall made a splash recently with their contest to spot the best WaGs, and what small club Weston are up to.

Millwall caused a stir last week with the news leaked out about their Facebook site, and their contest to find Millwall's hottest fan. As expected, it generated some local interest, a bit of buzz in the football community, and a lot of fapping at blurry pictures of women of all shapes and sizes. In the interest of promoting parity in the world of WaGs, we've thrown a few photos in for those who don't use facebook (like myself):

Winner of the "what kind of wine is that shade of red?" award.

Why does this look like every other blurry photo on the interwebs of a female?

Lingering Bursitis's Favorite, as it reminds him of fellow scousers.

Not to be outdone, semi-pro club Weston Mare has been putting together a WaG of the Month Calendar for their club. Sales of which are going to be donated to the Weston Hospicecare. Nobel indeed, though having the winners showing up to visit the blokes would do more for morale than a few extra biscuits with their tea. Winner Candice Davies pictured above the jump is only a mere 19 in years, but is well on her way to going far.

We here at the Unprofessional Foul cheer all female supporters of their teams, as well as the wives and girlfriends of the players. They need someone to come home to after an afternoon of being kicked at.

However, to set the bar, and to cheer up our esteemed editor, we bring you the girlfriend of Scouser Mikel Arteta. Poor guy is paid so little, he can barely buy his lady enough clothes to be seen in public.

Read more on "WaGs, GND edition"...

Something about the Intertoto Cup and nipples

Yep, that's what it really looks like: an ashtray with etchings

When you examine the bloated cash cow that is European football, there are many teats.

The Champions League is the fattest tip, full of glorious funding and nourishment for the upper-tier clubs.

The UEFA Cup is still glamorous and milk-producing, feeding the next rung down and taking in those teams kicked off the CL nipple in the early rounds.

And then you come to the end of the line [and, thankfully, the end of this awful analogy], the Intertoto Cup. It's the old, shriveled, dessicated nipple, left open for the mid-level teams to scrap over and hopefully find enough goodies in order to move up the pecking order next time around.

However, all of the notable sub-Big 4 clubs have filed their admission papers while still in the thick of the chase. Everton filed on Wednesday, Aston Villa applied on February 15, and Man City posted their forms off on February 1.

Everton are in 4th place, 3 points clear of Liverpool!

What's this Intertoto crap all about?

The pressure for Euro money is so great on the almost-there teams that filing for the Intertoto is the logical safety net against falling further behind. Spending so much money on players in order to tread water with the Big 4 has to be recouped somehow, and some games against Balkan and Central European minnows is a good way to stroll through the summer with a small profit.

Eleven teams jump from the Intertoto to the UEFA, having to win three rounds of matches against all sorts of ramshackle teams in the process, with the winner of the Intertoto being the team that progresses the furthest in the UEFA that season.

Last year, Newcastle United [man, they were good back then] jumped to the UEFA along with Marseille, Auxerre, Hertha Berlin and others, and this year, Blackburn Rovers hopped in as well.

The formula works, but it is a little limp-wristed compared to the conventional format. UEFA realizes the financial stress that the 2nd tier of clubs across Europe face, and naturally they're all for extending their own tournaments and widening the field to get more matches, more TV money and more exposure in general. It's a win-win in general.

What confuses me is how early teams have to file. Setting the deadlines for application so early, when there's still so much to play for! I realize these just looking for some insurance against missing out altogether, but there's only 6 points separating 5 teams for those final 2 spots in Europe [although the picture is muddled somewhat with Spurs beating Chelsea for the Carling Cup], and now these teams are dealing with their owners protecting against possible loss.

Of course, my real concern is why my team hasn't filed yet. I mean, we're going to secure 4th place eventually, but you never fucking know, do you? With all the most recent bullshit with Hicks and LFC ownership maelstrom [read Hicks' smug fucking quotes in that article and try not to punch your computer out], missing out on Europe would really throw a wrench in the works.

Read more on "Something about the Intertoto Cup and nipples"...

UF Goes to the Movies: The Oeuvre of Vinnie Jones

Given our recent stories regarding Paul Gascoigne, it seemed only natural to explore the individual on the other side of that most famous picture.

Join me after the jump to explore the brilliance that is Vinnie Jones.

To individuals of a certain age, Vinnie Jones is best known as a footballer, one of the true "hard men" of the game. Vinnie played for the Wimbledon team that won the FA Cup in 1988 (the watershed moment for the club), and then went on to play for Leeds United (89-90), Sheffield United (90-91), Chelsea (91-92), Wimbledon (92-98), and Queens Park Rangers (98-99).

He also played on the Welsh national team from 1994-1997, receiving 8 caps and even captaining the team. Recently, almost 10 years after leaving the game, Vinnie established the Hollywood All-Stars Football Club to compete in a rec league in Los Angeles (no word on whether Andrew Shue is on the team).

In 1992 (while he was still playing, obviously), Vinnie began appearing on television shows and other entertainment venues starring as himself. His first foray was as a "presenter" on "Soccer's Hard Men", a controversial documentary which looked at footballers known more for their strength than their skill. The FA was not amused, and fined Vinnie 10,000 pounds, yet he appeared as himself over 40 more times in various endeavors.

Clearly, all of this action gave Vinnie the itch (they have a cream for that, you know), leading to his entry into the world of cinema. The result of that is that a new generation knows Vinnie Jones solely as a movie "star", albeit one who plays the exact same character in every damn movie. Let's examine Vinnie's work, shall we?

Vinnie Jones first appeared in the Guy Ritchie (aka Mr. Madonna) film "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels" (1998) as Big Chris, a certifiable English thug. He followed this up with a turn as Bullet Tooth Tony in "Snatch" (2000), where he played a...certifiable English thug.

In that same year (2000), he appeared as The Sphinx, a silent-but-deadly car thief in "Gone in 60 Seconds," and then a completely forgettable turn as Marco in "Swordfish" (2001) [although to be fair the only memorable scene in that movie was Halle Berry's boobies].

He expanded his repertoire in 2001, playing Danny Meehan, an English footballer sent to prison, in "Mean Machine", the English equivalent of "The Longest Yard."

It is at this point that Vinnie's filmography begins to diverge somewhat. In 2004, Vinnie takes a turn as Lou Harris, a stereotypical English hooligan, in "The Big Bounce." Also in 2004, Vinnie played Mad Maynard, a stereotypical ManU supporter, in "Euro Trip." Clearly, Vinnie was branching out, really exploring a range of characters. In 2006, Vinnie played another thug, this one with mutant powers, in a turn as Juggernaut in "X-Men: The Last Stand."

However, after filming had wrapped on X-Men 3 [as Juggernaut again], Vinnie began to show his softer side. He played Rommel in "Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties" (2006), where he starred opposite Breckin Meyer and an animated cat, then the role of Dinklage in "She's the Man" (2006), where he played Amanda Bynes' coach (he put her on the practice squad!).

We aren't quite sure where Vinnie Jones will pop up next, although he does have 3-4 films in the works, including "Clive Barker's Midnight Meat Train" (sounds delicious!). One thing is sure - if you ever see Vinnie, tell him that you love his work or he just might squeeze your grapes.

Read more on "UF Goes to the Movies: The Oeuvre of Vinnie Jones"...

Love of footballer destroys promising career. Or something.

Alright, if there is one thing I really don't understand about football celebrity culture in England, it's the rise of the WAG. These women--the NASCAR wives of Britain--seem to do very little other than spend the money of their money-making boytoys. Sometimes, though, they do have opportunities to make their own way in life, and summarily turn those opportunities down.

Sorry, ladies. He's taken.

Abbey Clancy, Peter Crouch's girlfriend, announced that she has turned down an opportunity to model in LA, because she can't bear to be apart from Lurch Crouch. Why this made the press, I can't say. Someone made the mistake of asking her, I guess.

All in all, though, I think it's for the best. Sad as it is to say, if she were in LA she would be largely forgotten by the footballing world. Just ask Beckham. Clancy would also lose the attention of Crouch, and there are plenty of Brit women who find his money attractive enough to sleep with him.

Besides, if she were truly going to model in the USA, she would have to move to New York. Any concept of "modeling" based out of LA involves porn, and I sure as hell don't want to see Crouch get mixed up and filmed in that.

Read more on "Love of footballer destroys promising career. Or something."...

Liam Miller can't keep time

At least Keane can't do this to his players now that he's an authority figure

Some of us at UF were somewhat confused the other day regarding Liam Miller suddenly turning up on the transfer list up at Sunderland.

He's only 27, he's industrious when he's on the pitch, and he's been capped plenty of times by the Republic of Ireland. Just what you'd want on your team, right?

Not Roy Keane. He's absolutely fucking sick and tired of Miller always being late, and that is more important to the manager than getting results.

Said Keane:

"The problem is Liam's time-keeping, it is as simple as that. It is nothing to do with Liam as a player or as a lad. I have got a lot of time for Liam, but we set a very high standard at the football club and unfortunately, Liam has been unable to match that, so we have put him on the transfer list and we will see what happens."

Keane's regime is firm but fair, and he's been trying for a while to get a well-disciplined squad much like Tom Coughlin did at the start of last season [you know, the season before they won the Super Bowl]. He left a few players out of a game against Barnsley [can't type that team easily] last season in the Championship because they turned up late for the team bus, and while this incident with Miller is more extreme, it's still hardly surprising.

Keane's patience simply ran out:

"Miller had a long string of not showing up on time, and "You have got to be on time for training. If a player is late once or twice, well and good; if he is late three or four times, maybe well and good. But when it goes beyond five, six, seven times, then you have got to draw the line. In any walk of life, you have got to be on time. We had an incident last year when players were late for the bus, and you move on. We cannot wait for anybody at the club."

Miller's future at the club is still possible, but it seems like only a matter of time before he gets snapped up for cheap when the window opens again.

My advice to Miller: get a bloody watch.

Read more on "Liam Miller can't keep time"...

This story's all about an expensive car

Blond idiot who loves nice cars, seeks teams that'll pay him for not doing much

Robbie Savage, the blond-haired tosser that I never liked, is in the news this morning for predictably bad reasons.

He's not been playing well for Derby since arriving from Blackburn last month, his team is on pace to shatter the record for futility in the EPL [9 points this season, with just one League victory], his teammates are low on confidence and now, he's turned up for training in a $320,000 car.

Not surprisingly, the other players weren't very happy, considering they're all making bugger-all and Derby's just under three months away from stumbling back down to the Championship.

Is it his scar that scares them? No, it's his car.

As weird as this might sound, there is definitely a precedent. When Sunderland were relegated from the EPL in 2003, then-manager Mick McCarthy fined captain Michael Gray two weeks' wages and removed the captain's armband from him after he showed up at the ground in a new Ferrari.

Jewell's not about to take such measures against the long-haired idiot, although he recognizes the insensitivity of it all:

"It's about having a bit of decorum. If 70 people are getting laid off, leave it a couple of days before you come in in your Ferrari....Sav had a flash car before he got here. All the players here have flash cars, it's the Premier League - 'Premier League player has flash car' shock, horror. Robbie Savage is an international footballer. He's played in the Premier League all his life, so he's entitled to earn a lot of money and to spend it how he likes. It's when some people drive flash cars ... and think they've cracked it, that's more of a problem."

The subconscious punishment for Savage is that he's likely to be dropped this weekend following a string of absolutely shite performances. At least he can cry all the way home in his shiny Mercedes and listen to the match at the same time.

Read more on "This story's all about an expensive car"...