Know Thy Enemy Friend! It's Exeter City FC!

In Paul Tisdale Us Grecians Trust
You know the drill by know.... Bigus' Norwich City FC have been relegated to League One. Now that the tears have stopped flowing, Bigus is doing a bit of research on next year's opponents in the third tier of Engerlandish football.

One of those teams is my beloved Exeter City FC. So, Bigus has asked me to take the wheel to discuss my beloved Grecians. I'll try my bestest after the jump.

First, where exactly is Exeter?

Turn right before you get to London, keep going West (young man)

As you can see, Exeter is located in Devon, along the coast in Southwest England, around 300 miles from Carrow Road, Norwich. Exeter was founded by the Romans in the first century A.D. along the River Exe (Gaelic for "water"). After that, it was the usual English history of Saxon, Danish and Norman invaders; cathedrals built and repaired; floods and rebellions; international trade in wool; industrial revolution; and Luftwaffe bombings. In fact, you can look for yourself on the Wikipedia.

But, more importantly for our purposes, Exeter is of course the home of Exeter City FC. The club was founded in 1904. Exeter's nickname is the Grecians, although no one is sure exactly why. (Most likely the name comes from the term for people from St. Sidwell, who are from outside the city wall, like the Greeks outside the walls of Troy.) For the last 100+ years, Exeter has never risen above the third level in England. But that doesn't mean that they don't have a rich history.

Somewhere in this picture is Orignaldo's granddad!

In 1914, Exeter made a historic tour of South America, and became the first club team to ever play against the Brazilian national team. In the intervening years, Brazil and Argentina have shown that they have learned well the lessons taught to them by Exeter City.


Back when men were men, and real men played for Exeter City and Arsenal

Exeter's greatest product everwas Cliff Bastin, who transferred to Arsenal after only two seasons with the Grecians. While with Arsenal, Bastin scored goals and also featured for the English national team. Like many athletes of his era, Bastin's prime years were cut short due to WWII. Even so, he scored 150 goals for Arsenal (a record that was finally bested by Ian Wright and Thierry Henry) and helped the Gunners win a number of trophies in the 1930s. After WWII, Bastin played in only a handful of games before injuries forced him to call it day, upon which he returned to his hometown of Exeter and ran a pub.


Exeter City visit White Hart Lane in 1981 in the FA Cup

After enjoying a bit of success in the late 1970s, the past twenty-five years for Exeter City has been joy followed by heartbreak followed by joy followed by heartbreak followed by joy. Not that this is all that unique about English football teams, but the depths of these extremes has been quite remarkable. In 1990, Exeter gained its first and only trophy by winning the Fourth Division/League Two. After that, it was a slide back down to League Two combined with financial difficulties and administration, which led to the club having to sell its St. James' Park to raise money. Although Exeter continued to play at St. James under a lease agreement, the grounds were eventually purchased back by the Exeter City Council.

The real St. James' Park

But that was only the beginning of the dark days. In 2003, Exeter was relegated to the Conference League. Meanwhile, in stepped new owner John Russell, who claimed to be the sort of angel investor that lower league teams dream of. The only problem was that Russell was in fact penniless. Russell's genius plan was to get Uri Geller, and eventually Michael Jackson involved. Yet again, Exeter was ahead of the curve: have their owners were literally bilking money from the club, years before Malcolm Glazer who was just figuratively bilking money from his club! Unsurprisingly, things collapsed for Exeter, who were again were on the brink of administration, with Russell eventually being sent to prison.



Thankfully, in stepped the Exeter City Supporters Trust. Although the club continued to languish in the Conference League, the football gods looked kindly upon Exeter in 2005 when they drew Manchester United in the Third Round of the FA Cup. Sir Alex sent out a weakened squad that day, which even included Timmy Howard and Jonathan Spector, along with the very young Kieran Richardson, Wes Brown, Chris Eagles and Gerard Pique, who was particularly terrorized by the Grecians. At the end of that day, the result was fantastic...



Man U wound up winning the return leg, with Cristiano Ronaldo scoring the go ahead within only ten minutes. But there was no reason to be sad, because the television rights helped Exeter wipe out its entire debt. Exeter continued to build from there.

In 2006, gaffer Alex Inglethorpe became the S***rs youth coach. In stepped new manager Paul Tisdale, a former Southampton/Bristol City player who had coached non-non-league Bath City for a few seasons. It was a bold chance on an unknown that has paid off spectacularly over the past few years. And, Tisdale even has close ties to swank English fashionista Ted Baker.

The boys celebrate their second successive promotion

So now Exeter City find themselves in League One. I'll admit that my beloved Grecians overachieved last year, that it wasn't supposed to happen this quickly. But there certainly is something magical about this current run. The key this summer was holding on to Tisdale, who was linked with the Reading and Swansea job openings. At the same time, left winger and academy product Dean Moxey went to Derby County, and important midfielder Matthew Gill is now a Canary thanks to a free transfer. Add this to leftback George Friend moving to Wolves during last season's transfer window. The good news is that both Moxey and Friend were academy products and netted over 1m pounds in transfer fees. That's a good sign for the health of Exeter's youth system, and also a nice amount of cash to have on hand for a lower league club.

Coming into the squad for next season are Barry Corr, Scott Golbourne and Joe Burnell -- all players looking to rekindle their careers after leaving their respective squads on frees. The most recent moves by Exeter is to a bid for Charlton Athletic striker Stuart Fleetwood and an offer to sign Troy Archibald-Henville from S***rs on loan. Both players were with Exeter at the end of last season and had a big hand in the club's promotion.

So, where does this leave us? I'm honestly not sure. Life in League One will be rough, so the goal next season is simply to hang on. But given the fact that Exeter was just a whisker away from disbanding twice within the last fifteen years, the future is bright for my Grecians.

And so I'll leave you with a favorite Exeter chant... Which goes "cider, cider, cider, cider, cider, cider."

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UF Quick Throw: Citeh Land Carlos Tevez

Tevez to Manchester City is now a done deal subject to a medical. If the Adebayor transfer goes through as well, we can only guess this means that Citeh is hording strikers like a James Bond villain ("All the world's strikers are mine, mine, MINE...bwahhhahaha").

[Sky]
[Guardian]

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The Unprofessional Foul-Up: Less than Two Weeks!

Yes, we are very excited about our first ever UF roadtrip! We are packing up next week to head to Baltimore, Maryland, for Chelski versus AC Meelan, a trip that we have dubbed The Unprofessional Foul-Up. Find out more about our merry adventure after the hop, where we also need your help with local Baltimore pubs.

Most of us writers will be there, along with a devoted yet ragtag group of commenters (you know who you are). For those who are wondering, the plan is to arrive before the game for some tailgating. Next week I'll announce our ETA and exact location once we know when/where they'll be letting people in. Then, it's on to section 134 of the M&T Stadium in the AC Milan "fan zone," where 30-odd of us will enjoy a competitive competent match. And perhaps even Oguchi Onyewu's debut in red and black?

After the match, we are planning to retire to a local drinking establishment. Which is where we need your help. So far the suggestions have been the Wharf Rat and the Downtown Sports Exchange/Balls (wish I were making up that name). What do you folks think? We'd prefer to stay close to the stadium so that we can walk/stagger.

More soon. And we'll even try to do some live twittering and picture-taking from the game.

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Announcing a New Tuesday Column: Football Is a Beautiful Business

Hello, and welcome to another UF-approved, brave new experiment in armchair sports journoism. I’m the armchair journoist, but not the armchair, and this is the experiment: A weekly column looking at the business, legal and structural machinations of this sport that we all love, football.

And you may ask, why? Join me down the rabbit hole and I will try to answer that very question.

The question before us is why? The short answer, of course, is "because." The long answer is....

- Because the English Premier League (suck it Barclays) makes revenue of £2 billion per year, which is more than the GDP of some African nations.

- Because we have seen an unprecedented summer of spending by one club in particular (oh you know which one!).

- Because another club in particular (oh you know which one!) is not-so-quietly assembling a team to rival the Big Four.

- Because since the Premiership was founded in 1992, only three four [fixed! sorry Blackburn!] clubs have ever lifted the trophy.

- Because American ownership’s greatest contribution to the English game thus far has been debt financing.

- Because the governing bodies that oversee football are consistently buffoons and empty suits, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

- Because it’s only a matter of time before more clubs follow Leeds, Charlton and Newcastle down the ladder.

- Because Arsenal’s chief executive pointed to the Bundesliga (yes, the Bundesliga!) as evidence that the English Premier League needs a salary cap.

- Because the only way for the “big clubs” to continue on their current trajectory is brand marketing.

- Because we’re still being promised a we’re-waiting-for-it golden age of football soccer in the United States.

- Because the past few months have presented endless copy and endless confusion about English and American T.V. rights.

- Because fans know and care as much about Bosman transfers, T.V. rights deals, boardroom struggles and wage structures as they do about the results on the pitch.

- Because the idea of a European super league will not die.

And these are just the touchstones off the top of my head. So, certainly enough material to keep us occupied each week. There will be some "ripped from the headlines" pieces, some think pieces, some sacred, some profane.

While I am in manifesto mode, one quick note about my approach. I have no patience for the view that the commoditization of football has ruined the sport. Instead, I am essentially agnostic. I take the view that what has transpired over the last 10-15 years was an inevitable response to the violence that almost destroyed the game in the 1980s. The question for football, and here is where my column comes into play, is what now? Is the current trajectory sustainable, and if not, than what needs to change? And, most importantly, what are the obstacles to change?

To wrap up this little introduction, while I may sometimes use big words, this here experiment is still just armchair speculation. I understand no more than you, and we collectively understand no less than the executives in charge. So let's have it.

First proper column coming next Tuesday. Thanks for reading.

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Eto'o Not So Impressed with Citeh's Money

Everything seemed in place for Citeh: a "monster" offer of £25m accepted by Barca for mercurial striker Samuel Eto'o, who only has one year left on his current contract and has worn out his welcome at the Camp Nou; a £250,000 a week proposed salary (£180,000 after taxes), which would make Eto'o the highest paid player in the Premier League; a team on the cusp of a £100m summer and about to put together a lineup that would seriously challenge the big four.

The only problem is that much like Kaka earlier in the year, Eto'o has no interest in being part of the latest greatest experiment in the Eastlands. Yes, it seems that Eto'o has turned down a move to Manchester City and is content to play out the rest of his contract with Barcelona (who, on the other hand, are not exactly thrilled). There would be something endearing about leaving all that money on the table, except that Eto'o is a Grade A headcase and who knows what his real motivations are.

Some in the British press are speculating (as they are wont to do) that Eto'o's real motivation is to punish Barcelona for pushing him out the door by, strangely, not leaving. Others are speculating that Eto'o is demanding even more money. Eto'o's agent has scheduled a news conference this morning, so maybe that'll clear things up (full disclosure: I wrote this last night!).

No matter, this story will probably drag out during the summer. I can't help but anticipate it'll all end in tears and a nasty split between Eto'o and Barca. Meanwhile, why don't you click here and get this theme song stuck in head for days to come.

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Confederations Cup Final Liveblog: United States v. Brazil

The NY Kid failed his pregame fitness test, so I'm your last-minute substitution. I promise that I'll try to match his high level of liveblogging from this morning!

From an American perspective, there's not much more hyperbole that can be added to this game, although that hasn't stopped the U.S. media from trying (but hey, at least they're writing about soc-cer!). The statistic you will hear often today is that the United States is playing in its first FIFA tourney final. We can debate whether the Confederations Cup is a real tournament all we want, but needless to say that the American turnaround has been quite remarkable.

Unlike Spain, the Brazilians are in-form and unlikely to roll over today. But then, who would've said that the U.S. would beat Egypt 3-0 to make it into the knockouts, or beat Spain to make it into the finals? In other words, can the U.S. continue their bizarro run through the Confederations Cup? And I said there was no more hyperbole that could be added!!

Lineups, liveblog and lots of your comments after the hop.

Lineups:

Oooh-Essah, Oooh-Essah, Oooh-Essah: Howard, Bocanegra(c), Onyewu, DeMerit, Spector, Feilhaber, Clark, Donovan, Dempsey, Clark, Altidore. Subs: Guzan, Robles, Bornstein, Casey, Pearce, Beasley, Wynne, Klejstan, Adu, Torres, Califf

Brazil: Julio Cesar, Santos, Luisao, Lucio(c), Maicon, Melo, Silva, Kaka, Ramires, Fabiano, Robinho. Subs: Victor, Gomes, Kleber, Elano, Alves, Miranda, Josue, Baptista, Kleberson, Pato, Nilmar, Juan

-30: Harkes is joining Lalas in the studio for the pregame. They're seated awfully close to each other, eh? I expect lots and lots of talk about beating Brazil back in 1998.

-23: Wonder if Giuseppe Rossi is home watching this match? Hahaha.

-20: As EF notes in the comments (hi!) Feilhaber gets the nod in midfield over Klejstan. Bob Bradley made the right move, now it's down to my favorite Brazilian-Jewish-American to make good.

-15: Anyone else notice that the USA's miraculous turnaround coincided with the sudden disappearance of Tommy Smyth from ESPN? Just saying.

-10: Hey look a Bill Simmons commercial. I bet he worked that into his latest contracts (10 commercials about me a week).

-8: Teams are out on the pitch, the stadium looks pretty much full - and the vuvuzelas are already a-buzzin'. Truly, the one word that has been made famous during this tournament. Sepsis Bladder, Jacob Zuma and the other "dignitaries" are shaking the players hands.

-5: The vuvuzelas are adding a nice Lamont Young/John Cage drone to the national anthems.

-3: One of the sideline officials is Mexican. I'm going to be keeping an eye on him!

-1: A tribute to Marc-Vivien Foé, Cameroon midfielder who played for Man City and Lyon.

KICKOFF: Ooof I'm nervous! Brazil kick off.

2: If the first couple minutes mean anything, Brazil look like they'll try to keep the ball and force the Americans run around and tire out. U.S. look like they'll try to put pressure on the Brazilians like they did against Spain.

3: Good play by the U.S. bringing the ball up the pitch, leading to a long shot by Deuce that wasn't troubling the keeper. Then Clark tries a through ball to Davies.

4: Cliche alert! Brazil wants to win beautifully.

6: Brazil pressing into the box. USMNT clear the first corner, here comes another....

7: Kaka has a clear header on the near post but he's far wide. Howard unhappy with the defending.

9: Bigus wants to point out that Harkes lied earlier today: "Harkes just lied. !!! He was asked if he had played against marc vivean foe and he said he had in 94-95. Foe joined west ham in 98!!"

10: GOAL GOAL GOAL DEMPSEY: Wow!! Spector with another fantastic cross, Deuce gets a boot on it and its in the corner of the goal. 1-0 USA!! (Sorry for the delay, Blogger acting up.)

13: Robinho with acres of space and forces a good save by Timmeh, the Americans clear the resulting corner. And then Davies had a break and was bumped... He goes down and the US gets a freekick right outside the box. US corner. Breathless stuff!

14: Bocanegra heads the ball down and the US get another corner. The ball pings around the box. No let up from the Americans, who are looking like the stronger team.

16: Kaka has a shot but Demerit is there to block. Americans need to be very careful on the defensive wings, Spector and Bocanegra are getting consistently beat.

17: Other UFers are checking in.... The Likely Lad couldn't get into a capacity Nevada Smiths (why he went there in the first place I'm not sure), and Autoglass is watching in Paris. How cosmopolitan we are!!

18: US freekick, around 35 yards out. Into the box but Brazil eventually clears.

19: Yellow care to Bocanegra, who was literally hanging on to Kaka. That's one way to defend against the break!

21: US playing lots of men behind the ball. Need to be careful that they don't forget to press forward as well! Still lots of game to be played. Silva kicks the ball behind the ball for a freekick.

22: Spector gets absolutely skinned by Robinho on the wing but the Americans recover. Those wings are making me nervous though. Meanwhile, Feilhaber with a great tackle on Kaka. Mistime it and it would've been a yellow.

24: The Likely Lad reports: "Brazil fans are real douches. Not carrying on so much after the goal."

25: Howard with a very good save on a long Melo shot, who then earns a yellow card for something - probably complaining. Brazil still pressing and the US still defending. Can Brazil punish the Americans for trying to get to the break 1-0?

27: Another great save from Timmeh on a Maicon cross along the line. Brazil gets the corner, US clear to Donovan on the break and....

GOAL DONOVAN!!! 2-0 USMNT! DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES? YES! Totally against the run of play but the Americans counter very very well, Donovan with a great first touch to beat the Brazilian defender and slot the ball into the corner.

30: US cannot stay content now, and continue to put pressure on the ball and earn a throw-in for their efforts. Cross into the box just out of the reach of two Americans in the box. Wow. Almost a third.

32: Feilhaber and Clark can't quite connect in the box and the Brazilians counter the other way. Gooch clears but the Brazilians come back. Lots of pretty play by the Brazilians around the box but so far the Americans are defending well.

34: Lingering Bursitis checks in after taking a break from baby duty: "Full credit, Americans are playing like they should. Solid D and kill teams with their defense and use their speed. This should be their M.O.!"

35: Another great save from Timmeh from a short-range Santos shot, and then Fabiano heads the ball just over the bar. Phew!

36: Altidore skins Santos, who brings him down and gives up a freekick just outside the box to the right. Well done by Jozy.

37: Free kick just cleared by Brazil, otherwise Deuce would've had a header on goal. Corner to the Americans.

38: Corner goes straight to Cesar, and the Brazilians break right away and earn a free kick around 30 yards outside the goal. Brazil are lining it up here.

39: Brazil too smart for their own good here and waste the freekick. Davies breaks on the counter but his final touch lets him down.

40: Spector beats Kaka one-on-one on the wing. Well done!

41: Lingering Bursitis checks in again: "Maybe Project 2010 wasn't so crazy afterall!" Robinho almost scores but Howard with another last-ditch save.

43: Americans on the back foot again, but do just enough to defend and Maicon's shot goes wide. US will be very, very happy to go in at the half up two goals here!

44: Feilhaber has made several great tackles... So my favorite Brazilian-Jew-American is meeting expectations! Maicon takes a crack from long distance, it's deflected out for a corner that Howard collects. One minute of extra time.

45 Ohhhh Fabiano almost connects on a fantastic cross by Maicon.

TWEET TWEET TWEET Halftime: The USMNT go into the lockerroom up 2-0 on Brazil! Not in my wildest dreams, not even close. 45 minutes to play though. Brazil certainly have the ability to come back here.

Half: So I'm wondering which war metaphor best epitomizes what the US needs to do in the second half: The Alamo? Valley Forge? The Second Battle of Bull Run? The Battle of the Bulge??

Half: Watching Spector play today, I can't help but ask: What was Bob Bradley thinking by playing Marvel Wynne over Spector?? But seriously, no matter what happens the rest of this game, it's difficult to be too mad at Bradley, isn't it? Seems to be making all the right personnel moves lately: Davies, Clark, Spector, Feilhaber. Oh who am I kidding, forget insta-punditry, everything's thrown out the window right now. It's all about holding on against Brazil for the next 45 minutes.

46: US kick off. Deep breath, here we go.

46: GOAL BRAZIL FABIANO: Maicon passes to Fabiano just outside the box with his back to the goal, turns, beats Demerit and Howard. Brilliant goal. 2-1.

48: US a little rattled now. Just showed the replay again. Nothing Demerit or Howard could've done once Fabiano got the ball where he did. Brazil freekick at the halfway line.

50: Kaka waits too long with the ball just outside the box and the Americans clear. Altidore on the break but it goes out of bounds for a U.S. throw-in. Feilhaber has a nice run along the endline but can't keep the ball in the play.

51: End-to-end stuff here. Gotta think that favors Brazil. U.S. can't sit back, but they can't get too stretched either.

52: Better from the US. Defend well against Robinho and then try to break.

53: US break again, Davies wide to Dempsey who can't control and the Brazilians break. A wasted counter.

54: Foul called on Feilhaber against Kaka. Jozy clears it well, but Brazil keep s possession and try a through ball to Fabiano that's too long.

55: Kaka earns another free kick against Feilhaber around 30 yards out. All the calls going the Brazilians' way. Freekick into the wall and then up in the air, but foul called and the US get a freekick in the box. US needs to pull it together here.

58: Brazil with more pretty passing, Maicon crosses from the corner but Timmy gathers. Then a last-minute tackle from Spector against Kaka for a corner. Kaka isn't treating this like an exhibition. And one more great save by Howard on a header by Lucio and then Silva kicks the ball out of play. Nervy, nervy stuff!

60: OH MY! Brazil thought they had the equalizer. Kaka with a freeheader on a corner, Howard just saves and keeps the ball outside the goal mouth. Oh boy on the replay, that looked like a goal.

62: Harkes and JP with the partisan commentary, but that was a shocking call and the Americans are very, very lucky. Howard entirely within the goal and blocked the goal up to the bar.

64: Harkes says that Lucio was definitely offsides when it looked pretty close to me. No matter, Brazil keep pressing. Maybe the Alamo really was the right analogy?

65: Davies breaks and then smartly holds the ball up so the Americans can get a breather. Lando with a nice long shot that forces a good save from Cesar. Americans with rare sustained offense here. Oh and Dempsey with another good long shot! Much better.

66: Here comes the cavalry: Santos off, Dani Alves on. Ramires off, Elano on. Brazil clears the corner and immediately get back on offense.

68: Fabiano is very unhappy about earning a 50-50 foul against Demerit. But the Brazilians get the ball back easily and are back on offense.

69: Americans really need to maintain possession. Meanwhile, Lucio earns a yellow card for dissent.

71: Demerit with a good clearance, the US immediately give up the ball and Howard just barely gets the ball away from Fabiano. US seem totally over-awed here. Just slow things down and keep the damned ball!

72: Dani Alves' first touch is to sky the ball well out of play. A rare breather.

73: Davies takes on four defenders, beats three of them but not the fourth. Hey Bradley, how about some fresh legs here?

74: U.S. makes another good move but it's snuffed out and Brazil comes back the other way....

74 GOAL BRAZIL 2-2 Fabiano: Long coming and deserved. Kaka beats Spector, crossed the ball into the box. First shot comes off the crossbar but Fabiano is righ there to head the ball into the net.

75: Bornstein and Kliejstan on, Jozy off... ESPN won't tell me who else came off.

76: Thanks ESPN, it was Feilhaber off.

78: Kaka with a shot that goes wide. He's easily been the best man on the pitch. Melo with a dangerous jumping challenge that takes out Donovan. Very lucky not to get a second yellow.

79: Cesar makes a good grab on the long freekick from Donovan. Americans still look tired and Brazil still look like they're the more likely to score.

81: Bornstein with a long shot after two giveaways, but not troubling Cesar.

83: More good play from Kaka and Robinho, whose shot looks good but goes wide. Going the other way, Davies goes down easily in the box but the ref isn't impressed.

???: ESPN has dropped the clock from the screen so no idea how much time is left! More last-ditch defending from the Americans. Demerit makes a good clearance.

85: GOAL LUCIO. BRAZIL 3-2: Good header off the corner. U.S. look gassed and Brazil deserve to take the lead, especially with the non-call on the earlier goal.

88: Americans earn a corner. Last sub, Casey for Clark. Good effort by Onyewu but he heads the ball just over the crossbar.

89: Harkes and JP are already spinning the positive. I know Brazil are world class and we should be happy to be here, but Bradley still sucks. U.S. came out in this half totally unprepared, and wound up looking totally deflated after they gave up the first goal. That's on the coach, plan and simple.

91: 3 extra minutes. Casey is the only player for the U.S. looking like he thinks the Americans can get the equalizer.

92: Kljestan should've never been brought on. No touch, no poise. Dani Alves skies the ball out of play.

TWEET TWEET TWEET Brazil 3, USA 2: What a disappointing end to what has been a remarkable tournament for the U.S. The Americans positively crumpled in the second half. Brazil were the deserved winners. Whatever Bradley told the team in the lockerroom -- well, it didn't work. Bringing on Kljestan was a mistake. Time to digest what just happened this past week. Lots and lots to mull over.

Man of the match was Fabiano, who is also the golden boot winner of the tournament.

Hey everyone, chin up. Thanks for joining us for our Confederations Cup coverage! Sorry the ending wasn't the Cinderella storybook we were hoping for! Now, go out and enjoy the rest of your weekend.

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RIP Michael Jackson, Former Honorary Chairman of Exeter City FC

The day that David Blaine, Jacko and Uri Geller visited Exeter City FC
The news that Michael Jackson passed away seemed to have briefly broken the Internets yesterday. But now the Internets are back online, and it's the 24-hour news media that is in 24-hour meltdown mode. Personally, Michael Jackson's death seems perfectly appropriate given the last twenty years of his life -- sudden, unexpected and very, very weird.

But to some, Michael Jackson will always be known as the man who briefly became the Honorary Chairman of Exeter City FC. Find out about this sudden, unexpected and very, very weird turn of events after the jump.

The year was 2002. Exeter City FC was mired in financial and ownership problems. Amidst all of this, the mystic spoonbender Uri Geller had clombed onto Exeter. The team was in a fairly precarious position, so any celebrity of note who was willing to put his weight (and money) behind the team was reluctantly welcomed.

And that's when Uri Geller promised to bring his good friend Michael Jackson to Exeter. The locals in Devon were skeptical, but then on a rainy summer day in 2002, there in fact was Michael Jackson at St. James's Park along with Geller and David Blaine. Below is the media coverage from that fateful day.

[BBC Devon broadcast]
[BBC news story]



By the end of the 2002-03 season, Exeter City had been relegated to the Conference League. Meanwhile, Geller was nowhere to be seen, not to mention Jacko. Exeter's former ownership were eventually found guilty of defrauding the club of millions of pounds, and except for the hard work of the Exeter City Supporters Trust and the good fortune of drawing Manchester United in the 2005 FA Cup, Exeter City FC might very well have folded.

So, for most Grecians, the Michael Jackson incident brings up some of the darker memories of our club's history. On this day, however, we can all look back and smile and say proudly, yeah Exeter City was the only football club in the world that had the King of Pop as its honorary chairman.

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Showdown in Chinatown 2009: Impressions of the Game

Flamini looks on as Zanetti and Reyna celebrate a Parker goal

Well, yet another Showdown in Chinatown in the books. It briefly looked like it mightn't happen this year thanks to the Biblical rains that New York has been suffering through lately. Then, like a crack of lightening, the announcer said, "Here are the players!" And sure enough, there they were, jogging on to the field to a scrum of kids, "media" and people who had snuck inside the fence.

The event still had a magical Dr. J at Rucker Park feel to it. Steve Nash, Claudio Reyna and the rest of the organizers have done exactly the right thing by keeping the game at the small Nike field. It's intimate, with players literally falling into the crowd on several occasions. And I can only guess what the event looks like to people walking past on their way home from work - "What's going on here? Who? Playing soccer??"

We've spent the past couple days collecting our thoughts, sorting through photographs and editing video (if you haven't watched it yet, do so here).

After the hop, words by Ian and photos by Spectator.

We were all on a high after watching the shocking win over Spain, and despite my continued erroneous iPhone weather updates (“The blob looks like its moving through”), we spent the next hour or so huddled four or five deep under a tiny umbrella as a rather tall Englishman laughed at our Yank grumbling about the rain.

Titi was very much the center of attention

The rain mercifully let up before 6pm or so, and then suddenly the players appeared from one corner of the pitch. They were soon mobbed by the “media” (lets just say that there were lots of people with media badges that were wearing Prada shoes).

Our buddy Marc Stein ponders his second foray into George Plimpton territory

We were able to talk with Babel, Kalou, Mutu, and others, who were great, although the NBA players were much more standoffish. Henry was mobbed, as was Steve Nash. In general though it was great access that you wouldn't normally get as a humble blogger.

Pre-game announcements

About 15 minutes later, the call came for everyone to clear the field, and eventually it was just the players doing warmups. Finally, at around 6:30, the arbitro blew the whistle and we were off.

Chris Bosh made Peter Crouch look graceful

Let it be said for the record that of the NBA players, the skills hierarchy was Nash>Parker>Hill>Bosh. I don’t think Bosh had ever played before, and it looked like it. Awkward 6-11" man loping down the right wing with horrible touch.

Bosh earns the biggest applause of the day after he completes a pass

By the end of the match the crowd was practically begging for a goal from the big man, and he nearly connected on a perfectly set up header down at the far end of the pitch. He also took a bit of heckling, at one point yelling “Don't boo me man!”

Grant Hill eyes the action

Grant Hill, on the other hand, who isn’t much shorter than Bosh, looked very good, even executing a ridiculous stepover move and generally showing great touch.

Tony Parker... He's French, bitch

One of the few times that Steve Nash wasn't running

Tony Parker managed to bag a few goals, but Steve Nash looked like he could be slotted into the midfield for a professional side. By the end of the match he was soaked with sweat, and was definitely taking the game seriously.

Cordoba cracks a rare smile

Zanetti keeps an eye on Babel

The Inter Milan backline of Ivan Cordoba and Javier Zannetti looked pretty solid in the match, although there wasn't much in the way of tackling going on. The running joke was that Cordoba didn't know it was a kick around because he looked pretty intense patrolling the back.

Claudio Reyna, ever the captain

Thierry Henry

Babel looked dangerous but his touch was a bit suspect, while Reyna looked pretty slow. Titi came on in the second half but due to a knee injury was only at like 50% speed compared to everyone else. He spent much of the game back on defense.

Solomon Kalou takes the shot

Mutu powers the ball into the net

Salomon Kalou was easily the fastest man on the field. The best soccer player to my eye was Adrian Mutu, who despite wearing an arm brace bagged himself an, er, brace, and looked very skilled even on a questionable and wet plastic pitch.

Babel jumps over Mike Quarino

The key is to look good even when you let in a goal

Also a special shout out to the goalkeepers, who got in front of some pretty hard shots and single-handedly kept the scoreline in the single digits. Marc Stein also came on for a brief cameo, and he didn’t look that bad, and even had a chance to bag a goal himself.

Davids was difficult to recognize without his trademark goggles

Edgar Davids spent much of the match dribbling and showboating. But it was hard to blame him. Even though he's retired, it looked like he could start tomorrow for the New York Red Bulls (hint hint).

The sun makes a brief cameo appearance in the treetops

Despite the rain, the sideline was packed, although the vibe wasn't very underground. Lots of groupies, hangers on, posses, clueless suits and extravagantly dressed women. I think they were handing out VIP passes by the cartload. ESPN was there, along with Fox Soccer, although the level of soccer knowledge amongst the TV people was pretty dismal. Let's hope the weather cooperates for next year, and we get a few more surprise stars – especially from the NBA – to play in the game.

A game well-played

That all said, it was a hell of a way to spend an afternoon. We can't wait until next year.

Read more on "Showdown in Chinatown 2009: Impressions of the Game"...

Only One Day Until Showdown in Chinatown!

Yes, we're excited. We're amped. We're geeked. We're... well, you get the idea. In about 24 hours, some of us get to see the second Showdown in Chinatown!! More details after the hop.

If you're in New York, here is the info as we've been given it. Like last year, the match will be at the Nike field in Sara D. Roosevelt Park, south of Houston Street, between Christie and Forsyth. The match itself is supposed to start at 6:00 p.m., although if it is anything like last year it won't exactly happen on time.

The official "roster" likely won't be known until game time, and we fully expect there to be some players who simply show up unannounced (that's what happened last year, at least!). In any case, here's the "official" list as it now stands: Steve Nash, Claudio Reyna, Thierry Henry, Tony Parker, Javier Zanetti, Raja Bell, Adrian Mutu, Chris Bosh, Ivan Cordoba, Grant Hill, Giovanni van Bronckhorst, Ryan Babel, Salomon Kalou, Mathieu Flamini and Jason Kidd.

Beforehand, players should be doing interviews (we will be there and will try to ask all the hard-hitting questions that you would expect!). You'll need a pass to get inside the fence for the match, but like last year the public will be able to watch from outside the fence. Our suggestion is to show up early and scope out a good spot.

Also, Bigus and myself will be at Slainte, on Bowery and 1st, in the afternoon to watch at least some of the Spain v. USMNT match. Come say hello -- I'll likely be in an Exeter kit, Bigus will likely be in Norwich green and yellow (natch).

We're aiming to have full coverage posted on Friday, including pictures and video. In the meantime, keep an eye out for a pic or two tomorrow.

Official details below... Stay tuned!

[Official Showdown in Chinatown page]
[Football for Good]
[Calle]

Read more on "Only One Day Until Showdown in Chinatown!"...

Confederations Cup Liveblog: New Zealand v. Iraq

Random picture... check

New Zealand versus Iraq.... on Telefutura ESPN2 (another last-minute scheduling change by the Worldwide Leader). I'm taking one for the team here, but we've just got to liveblog every single Confederations Cup match, right? Let's get it started!

Precious Roy has the intro: "Iraq is still alive though, right? I mean they've got 1 point and a -1 GD (I think that's all). If Spain wins, the Iraq just needs to win by 2 or better such as."

Lineups:

NZ: Moss, Scott, Lochhead, Sigmund, Vicelich, Elliott, Brown (c), Smeltz, Killen, Bertos, Brockie

Iraq: Mohammed K., Mohammed Ali, Basam, Nashat, Imad, Younus (c), Hawar, Karrar, Salem, Ali Hussein, Mahdi

Fun fact: New Zealand and Iraq have only played each other in the 1973 World Cup.

Most likely I'll have no idea what's going on, what with the Spanish broadcasters and all but I'll try my best.

Your ref: Howard Webb (Engerland). Vuvuzelas are buzzing and... we're off!

1: Iraq kick off

Okay it has now been pointed out to me that the match is actually on ESPN2, with Spain-South Africa on ESPN. Uh... ESPN, excellent job telling people that you're broadcasting both matches. Excellent job. On the plus side, I get to listen to Tommy Smyth. Ugh.

4: The first of what will likely be many NZ turnovers. They recover and punt the ball out of play. So far, Iraq looking like they will push forward aggressively.

7: Iraq runs the length of the pitch on the counter and earn a corner kick. The ball bounces off the Iraqi player's head (no idea who!) and goes just over the goal. Decent chance there.

10: Nashat takes a flying elbow on a setpiece. Iraq get the foul but no card. Howard Webb letting them play, perhaps? Meanwhile, Derek Rae says that Iraq look a bit shaky in the back. I can't disagree.

11: Younus goes slicing through the NZ box completely unmarked but skewers the ball completely off target. A wasted chance!

14: Now it's end-to-end stuff. Both teams have fairly weak defenses (I'm being kind) so just a matter of time before someone opens up this game.

15: Right on cue Killen gerrards the ball over the goal, completely unmarked in the middle of the box. Hilarious miss. And to think, I could/should be running errands right now. I'm wasting my Saturday for you peoples!

17: NZ corner, headed out of play in the box. NZ might be more dangerous if they could actually find the goal. They get another corner and waste that opportunity too.

18: Third mention of Norwich City of the Confederations Cup!!

23: Dribble, dribble, pass, ball out of play, Iraqi player injured, handball, turnover, punt, pass, dribble, turnover.

24: Graphic points out that NZ are 0-8-0 in Confederations Cup matches. Impressive!

26: Looks like it's just ü75 and me who are the masochists watching this one. Or maybe there are hundreds of lurkers??? I can dream can't I? Meanwhile, more bumbling play from NZ in and around the box results in another corner.

27: Corner cleared, Iraq can't convert on the breakaway, NZ counter back and pepper a couple shots straight at the Iraqi keeper.

28: Smeltz shot goes wide and Derek Rae with the Special Olympics compliment of NZ... "This is better." Yes, much better to constantly shoot the ball out of play than to not even take shots at all.

30: Smeltz clear header .... wait for it ... goes wide.

32: To clarify, Iraq needs to make up a 3 goal differential with South Africa. So far not looking all that likely.

35: Killen with a good header on goal, but straight at the keeper. Iraq looks quite shaky. Meanwhile, Howard Webb looks very snazzy in his pink ref uni.

36: Iraq freekick into the box is cleared. Long throw into the box is ... cleared.

38: Tommy Smyth with a beauty: "Iraq aren't putting any pressure on the left side or the right side, or the middle either." That about covers all of the pitch, doesn't it?

41: A tame shot by NZ, followed by a tame long shot by Iraq.

44: Killen earns a free kick near midfield. Iraq heads the ball out for a corner.

45: Killen heads the corner out somewhere near Madagascar. 1 minute of extra time.

HALFTIME 0-0: Tuffy makes a good point (he also might be the only person reading this!) and asks whether Iraq knows they need to score goals? NZ have improved from their previous two matches, in that they aren't complete shit. Otherwise, this has the look of an U-12 match -- lots of sloppy play, no real chances on goal. I can't wait for the second half!!

Second half about to start. So far the highlight of the past couple hours has been the turkey sandwich I just made. Brie cheese, a little salad greens, mayo. Truly world class this sandwich.

46: Iraq sub, Hawar out Fareed on. NZ kick off.

47: Smeltz makes a run down the right and his corner goes flying behind the goal. In other words, we're picking up where the first half left off.

49: Iraqi player trips over the ball and Webb awards a free kick. Well done, England.

50: Nashat with a wicked sliding tackle that brings down Killen. No yellow card (one was deserved) but NZ gets a free kick about 30 yards outside the box.

51: Freekick straight into the wall but NZ earns another freekick, near the end line... but Iraq clears.

53: NZ still looking like the team more likely to score, even though the window is open for Iraq after Spain has scored.

55: Oh good clearance by Moss for NZ after Iraq get a long ball into the box. Word must've finally trickled out that Spain is winning and Iraq are starting to press. Sub for Iraq: Alaa on Emad off.

57: Yes, Alaa is the Kaka of Iraq. This game has made me too sleepy to make a joke. NZ corner... cleared, along with the resulting play.

59: Ball in the back of the net!!! Too bad Iraq was miles offside, but still, I saw it!!

60: I think a NZ player just handballed off both of his hands. Iraq punt the freekick straight at Moss.

61: YC to Brockie, who takes out an Iraqi player who was about to go flying past. Free kick about 10 yards outside the box.... straight at the keeper. Ugh. Kick it away from the keeper. And now ESPN is showing highlights of the Spain-SA match.

63: Another Iraq freekick around 10 yards outside the box... blocked low by a defender. More crap set plays.

65: Moss flaps at a corner but Iraq can't convert.

66: NZ has a freekick into the box but can't convert.

67: NZ has a corner but can't convert, ball goes out of play. Last Iraq sub: Sadir on Mahdi off.

69: Iraq long shot goes sailing over the bar. Slightly more urgency from Iraq but not sure this game has a goal in it for either side.

70: Iraq play the ball into the box but can't covert. Get a cornerkick but can't convert, ball goes out of play.

71: Sigmund comes off with a knock, Boyens on. Remember Boyens had a shocking missed kick against Spain. This'll be fun.

73: Boyens makes his presence felt right away and kicks the ball out for a corner which ... wait for it, wait for it ... Iraq can't convert.

74: C'mon Iraq, Spain is up 2-0, all you need to do is score a couple goals!!

75: Smeltz does well heading the ball in the box, but Iraq clears.

76: Iraq long shot off target. Maybe they needed to play this game with bigger goals? Oh and ESPN with more highlights of the other game. WTF fellas, I have a remote and can switch over whenever I want.

77: Iraq break into the box but the ref rightly calls the play offside. NZ have played the offside trap well this game (about the best compliment I can give at the moment).

79: Rae says if Iraq scores than it'll set up a big finish. That's a big, big "if."

82: Nashat bangs heads with one of his own players, and there's a shot of an Iraqi fan in the crowd sleeping. 'Nuff said.

84: A decent chance for NZ yet again goes wasting. Killen just outside the box, shoots the ball wide. Iraq counters but NZ clears.

85: Another Kiwi with a knock. Scott off Mulligan on.

87: Key save by Moss who covers up some terrible defending by blocking the shot with his face. Best chance of the game for Iraq. Then going the other way Smeltz totally muffs a shot in the box.

88: Nashat earns a free kick just outside the box. Kiwis complain to Howard Webb but it was an obvious call. Let's see if Iraq can actually convert (word of the day!).

89: Nope. Over the crossbar. Completely useless.

91: Four minutes extra time. Seems a bit excessive. Please, let this game end!

92: Two great defensive plays by NZ. Moss clears a good long shot, and then NZ clears the corner off the goalline after Moss was beat. NZ just earned their first first point in the Confederations Cup there!

FULLTIME 0-0 A very dreadful match. Iraq failed to take advantage of the opening given to them by Spain-South Africa. NZ and Iraq eliminated. NZ earns its first point ever in the Confederations Cup. So long, thanks for following as I committed karoshi.

Read more on "Confederations Cup Liveblog: New Zealand v. Iraq"...

Quick Throw: Thomas Vermaelen Is a Gunner

Arsenal needed defenders and went out and got one. Thomas Vermaelen officially signed a four-year deal, with a transfer fee of up to £10m going to Ajax. I'm assuming that this is a good purchase -- for all of the complaining about Wenger's transfer policy, at least there can be no complaints about his recent scouting (Arshavin, Nasri, Sagna, etc.).

[Guardian]
[BBC]
[Official Arsenal.com page -- that was fast!]

Read more on "Quick Throw: Thomas Vermaelen Is a Gunner"...

UF After Dark: Derby County FC Finally Scores

So far here at UF we've introduced you to Eva Roob and Danny Mountain, both former football players who turned to pr0n to make a buck. Now, thanks to one of our most dedicated readers (you know who you are!), we are very proud to show you even more football pr0n....






These are stills from the latest straight-to-Internets video titled "I'm Looking for My Balls" (not making that one up!). The video features English pornstar Kieran Lee (but not this Kieran Lee formerly of ManU), who isn't a Derby County player, but he is from Derby, England and does wear a Derby kit throughout the video, including during the, uh, action. Way to show your support for the team! We're guessing that he learned a thing or two from former-Derby County manager Paul Jewell.

More pics after the jump. No actual nudity but still NFSW. Although, we've saved the really raunchy pictures for our personal collection.










Punchline: For once the Rams give it to someone else in the ass!

Read more on "UF After Dark: Derby County FC Finally Scores"...

False Analogies in Iran

Just to take a slight detour toward the serious, I've been watching news coverage of the post-election clashes in Iran, and all I can say is that sometimes reform is very, very difficult. I'm also thankful that I live in a country where we can bring about change without having to take to the streets.

Find out what this has to do with football after the hop.

The latest news from the NY Times is that Ahmadinejad was on television and compared the Iranian post-election protests to soccer riots:

“There will be rule of law in this country and all the people are equal before the law,” [Ahmadinejad] said. In a soccer match, he continued, “People may become excited and there may be confrontation between people and the police force. People who violate traffic violations will be fined by the police no matter who he is.”

What an interesting way to downplay the fact that you stole an election, huh? Although we take our football very seriously here, this analogy is completely off base. On the one hand, you have people fighting for freedom and democracy. On the other hand, you have a bunch of yobbos looking for an excuse to punch, kick and throw rocks. So, we will have to once again respectfully agree to disagree with "President" Ahmadinejad.

(photo: BBC)

Read more on "False Analogies in Iran"...

Confederations Cup Liveblog: New Zealand v. Spain

Announcing the Ceschawk

If it's a Sunday than it must mean that Cesc has issued another not-so-veiled "Come Get Me" to Barcelona. But we're not here to discuss that now, are we? No, we've got international football on tap!

Here is your preview. Spain Good. New Zealand Bad. More insight of that caliber after the jump.

Preview: Okay, here's a little bit more high-caliber insight. Spain are undefeated in 32 straight matches. New Zealand have been in two previous Confederations Cup and have never earned a point. Although, to be fair, the All-Whites (ha!) almost beat Italy last week. So, the big question for today's match is whether Spain are going to show some pride and try to win this tourney, or will they just be happy to show up? Today, Spain has the opportunity to make a statement one way or the other.

Lineups: Remember, no Iniesta or Senna for Spain.

Spain (4-4-2): Casillas (c); Albiol; Puyol; Capdevila; Ramos; Riera; Xavi; Fabregas; Alonso; Villa; Torres. Subs: Pique; Marchena; Pablo; Sergio; Diego Lopez; Llorente; Guiza; Arbeloa; Cazorla; Silva; Mata; Reina.

NZ (4-3-3 make that 4-1-3-1-1): Moss; Lochhead; Viceleh; Mulligan; Boyens; Elliott; Brown (c); Bertos; Smeltz; Killen; Brockie. Subs: Paston; Scott; Oughten; Sigmund; Barron; Christie; James; Old; Wood; Bright; Smith; Bannatyne

I'll be back in a bit!

-6: ESPN2 is still showing tractor pulls. I think that shows you where football ranks on their priority list: Tractor pulls... football... reruns of World Series of Poker.

-3: Over-under on David versus Goliath references: 12. Lalas made the first one already. He also seems to really love Torres, but hey we do too so fair play to him!

-1: Wow, stadium is maybe 25% full. Looks like a Houston Dynamo match (hey-yo!). But of course those damned bumblebee trumpets are out. My least favorite thing in football at the moment.

0: Spain kicks off and as expected control play.

3: Thank God no Tommy Smyth on this one. Lalas Harkes is doing color commentary. NZ has touched the ball once when the goalkeeper took a long through to Torres. This is going to be a bloodbath.

5: Punch save by Moss on the counterattack, Spain gets a resulting corner and another shot by the Spaniards, which goes well wide.

6: GOAL TORRES 1-0 Spain Made it look so easy. NZ kept diddling around, Torres took a trademark shot just outside the box. Early lead and probably the first of many in this match.

9: NZ actually string together a few passes and make a shot on goal, that's easily stopped by Casillas.

10: By the dearth of comments I assume that you are all out running errands right now, or maybe asleep!

12: Torres tries to chip a ball in the box that goes out of play. Could've done better. He probably will before this one is over.

14: NORWICH CITY REPREZENT!

15: GOAL TORRES 2-0 Spain: Give and go, Riera to Villa to Torres into the right corner. Beautiful play. This is a cakewalk but Spain are absolutely showing their class. Guess they came to play!

16: Wow, almost 3-0 clear off the line by a defender and Moss made a catch save off a Torres header. Spain are still surging. Not sure if I'll be able to catch up.....

17: GOAL TORRES 3-0 Spain Capdevila into the box, Torres scores the header. Make. It. Look. So. Easy.

Uhhhhh... Technical difficulties. No idea what's going on. I think the New Zealanders just pulled the plug. *cough cough* Guys??? Anyone???

Oh jesus, it's funny because it's true. Why is football treated like a Third World sport? (To clarify, ESPN just lost the feed for three minutes. Cue clown music.)

21: Feed is back. Spain didn't score in the intervening 3 minutes. So disappointing!

22: Riera forces a good save, nothing comes of the resulting corner.

24 GOAL FABS! 4-0.: Riera to Capdevila to Fabregas. So, so, so easy.

26: I'm starting a movement to ban all bumblebee horns at international matches... who's with me?

27: A halfway decent chance for NZ, shot by Brockie off the mark and is promptly subbed for Christie. Brockie was getting slaughtered on the lefthand side.

29: Long freekick for NZ, a couple half chances but nothing too serious. ESPN has its stats wrong and shows 8 shots for NZ to 2 shots for Spain. Pretty sure that's not right.

31: Just noticing that Spain's new kits are very smart looking -- part-matador part-Franco-era Army uniform.

32: Meanwhile Spain still pressing for more goals.

33: Xavi almost picks out Fabregas in the box. So far, missed passes and offside flags are the only things that are keeping the score at 4-0.

35: Villa is tripped just outside the box but no foul called. I think the mercy rule has come into effect.

37: Harkes and JP have begun to discuss La Liga, the Iraqi national team coach, the weather, Harkes' vacation plans,....

39: Header on goal by Killen for NZ, easily caught by Casillas. Meanwhile, the stats graphic is STILL wrong and says 8 shots for NZ to 3 shots for Spain. Uh, tech guy, are you watching the game? Spain has four goals.

41: Puyol to Ramos in the box, who heads it a million miles into the air. Yup, Spanish defenders are trying to get goals now.

43: Spain turns the ball over four times in a row in their own end, yet New Zealand can't get a clean shot off.

44: Albiol takes down Smeltz for a freekick about 10 yards outside the box.

45: Decent curling shot by Mulligan, avoids the wall, but is wide. NZ saving a little bit of face here with their first bit of controlled play.

Halftime Whistle: 4-0 Spain: Yup, it's a rout. I'm going to go cut up some mango (no, that's not a drug reference!) and I'll be back in a bit.

Half: Well, mango was a bit tart, probably sat in the fridge for too long. Anyhoo, thanks to everyone joining me for this very, very competitive match. I'm guess that Spain lets the foot off the pedal and only manage one or two more goals.

Even if they are destined to be played to death, I'm loving the Messi-Zidane Adidas ads.

46: No changes for either side. Bet that was a fun teamtalk for NZ.

47: The All-Whites (ha!) come out in this half and control the game, earning a freekick just ouside the box to the right of the goalie. But a poor setpiece results.

48 GOAL VILLA 5-0 Spain: High comedy. Boyens (who plays for RBNY) completely misses on a clearance, Villa is there for an easy, easy poach goal. *sigh*

51: That was truly a spectacular whiff by Boyens. The stuff of nightmares.

52: NZ look completely deflated now. Spain can score more goals if they want to put forth the effort.

53: Well done Harkes, second David v. Goliath reference of the night. Spain makes a couple subs.... Cazorla for Xavi, Arbeloa for Ramos.

58: Spain can't convert off some great play in and around the box, with Capdevila skewering the shot off the mark.

60: More from Spain, nice give and go but Villa's shot goes wide.

61: Wulp, 30 more minutes of this one. JP and Harkes sound bored, the bumblebees are still buzzing, the crowd are doing the wave, and Spain are now peppering the goal with long shots.

65: NZ whip a ball into the box, but Spain defends well and Casillas collects. Pretty much the story of New Zealand's night on offense.

68: Long pass by NZ goes out of play, and David Silva is about to come on.

69: Nando off, Silva on.

71: Elliott forces a save from Casillas. Spain seem content with the current scoreline, might get another one on a breakaway or counter but aren't looking to run up the score.

75: Long ball by Silva to Villa, who can't quite get a clean header.

76: NZ make a sub. James on, Smeltz off.

78: Fabregas gerrards the ball out of play after New Zealand again fail to clear. Then the Spaniards fail to convert another chance, with Villa turning and striking the ball directly at a New Zealand defender.

81: Half-chance for NZ on the long pass, again well defended by Spain.

83: Riena gets a phantom offside call when he was cleanly put through by Silva. Ref must still feel bad for NZ.

85: About a dozen passes in a row for Spain, with Silva creating much of the play and making his case for playing time. Killen off, Bright on for NZ.

87: It's dying embers time.

89: Alonso tries to chip the ball over the goalkeeper from the midfield mark. That was cheeky, but Moss easily gathers the ball. Two more minutes of this one.

Fulltime: 5-0 Spain. Well, David didn't slay Goliath in this parable! Spain just totally and completely outclassed New Zealand. Could've been 12-0 if Spain really wanted, but they'll be quite happy to take this result. New Zealand have a lot to think about.

Co-men of the match: Capdevila, who torched New Zealand on the lefthand side, and Nando Torres, who converted the hattrick.

Thanks for joining me!! More liveblog coverage tomorrow with the USMNT, Italy, Brazil and Egypt playing.

Read more on "Confederations Cup Liveblog: New Zealand v. Spain"...

Fun Late-Night Activities: Factchecking Deadspin

I would post this in the comments on Deadspin but, well, I can't.

We have here a weekend post about crazy footysoccer. A little bit of the Google would've revealed that it's not Bayern Munich, but Cologne v. Dulsberg. And the video is from 2005. The best response I've got is that it makes me thankful that Lingering Bursitis had the good sense to bring all of us loons together to create UF.

Anyway, don't forget that our liveblog action of the Confederations Cup starts on Sunday. The NY Kid has South Africa v. Iraq (9:55 am EST) and I've got Spain v. New Zealand (2:25 pm EST). We'll be liveblogging the rest of the matches as well.

Read more on "Fun Late-Night Activities: Factchecking Deadspin"...

Confederations Cup Profiles: U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

Remember holding the Argies to a nil-nil draw at Giants Stadium last summer?

Originally the task of writing up the U.S.A. profile was going to go to Bigus, because we thought it would be funny to see what an Englishman a Norwichomon would have to say about our beloved boys in red, white and blue. But life intervened and the task fell to yours truly.

As I now sit here writing, my first thought is: What can I tell you about the USMNT that you don’t already know? Well, I’ll try my best after the jump.

Let’s start with the basic facts. The last time the U.S. qualified for the Confederations Cup was in 2003, when they went 0-2-1. After loses to Turkey and Brazil, the U.S.'s one draw was nil-nil against Cameroon in the final group game, when Cameroon had already qualified for the knockout round (i.e., nothing to play for and we still couldn’t beat them).

This year, the U.S. appears at a definite crossroads, with many signs pointing south. The loss last week in Costa Rica still stings and seemed to expose many if not all of the USMNT’s flaws, including the total disappearance of Landycakes and Dempsey as on-the-field leaders. But with the win at home against Honduras, things took a slight turn north, with the emergence of the Jonathans (Bornstein and Spector) at wingbacks and Ricardo Clark as a legitimate hardworking holding midfielder.

Clark in particular was a revelation and I hope and pray it wasn’t a one-game blip. Defensive midfielder is the most underrated position in football, especially in international matches – how will Spain fair without Marcos Senna doing all of the dirty work in the middle of the pitch? (Of course I’m not claiming that Clark is anywhere near Senna’s league, just saying.) Speaking of dirty work, losing Brian Ching still hurts, a lot. Jozy isn’t quite ready for primetime and Conor Casey hasn’t played on the national stage in eons. As always the task of creating goals will fall upon Donovan and Dempsey, not to mention set pieces. When you consider the U.S.'s lack of proven goal scorers and their proclivity for defensive lapses (thank the Lord for Tim Howard), well, things could get quite ugly.

The most troubling thing about the USMNT is the fact that, since recovering well after the debacle at the 2006 World Cup, they’ve plateaued at best, and at worst they have regressed. (Remember Project 2010? Oy!) This is why a decent showing at the Confederations Cup is so crucial. And by “decent showing” we do not even mean getting out of the group stage, because Italy, Brazil and Egypt will be tough, tough matchups. We mean looking competitive and having merely a chance at winning. In other words, looking like a team that deserves its place with the big boys. Is that too much to ask for?

Prediction:

To summarize, the bar is set really, really, really, really, really low for the USMNT. I doubt you’ll find anyone not named Sunil who is legitimately optimistic about their chances. But who knows? This is sometimes a fluky tournament, with players starting to think more about holiday than the action on the pitch. A lucky bounce here or there and the U.S. could pull off an upset or two and make it into the knockouts. Bob Bradley will be hailed as a genius, and all of the U.S.’s flaws will be swept under the rug until the 2010 World Cup. Or, more likely, all of those flaws will again be plan and visible in vivid ESPN HD.

Lineup:

GK: Brad Guzan (Aston Villa/England), Tim Howard (Everton/England), Luis Robles (Kaiserslautern)

Def: Carlos Bocanegra (Rennes), Jonathan Bornstein (Chivas USA), Danny Califf (Midtjylland), Jay DeMerit (Watford), Oguchi Onyewu (Standard Liege), Heath Pearce (Hansa Rostock), Jonathan Spector (West Ham United), Marvell Wynne (Toronto FC)

Mid: Freddy Adu (Monaco), DaMarcus Beasley (Rangers), Michael Bradley (Borussia Mönchengladbach), Ricardo Clark (Houston), Benny Feilhaber (Aarhus), Sacha Kljestan (Chivas USA), José Francisco Torres (Pachuca)

For: Jozy Altidore (Villareal), Conor Casey (Colorado), Charlie Davies (Hammarby), Clint Dempsey (Fulham), Landon Donovan (Los Angeles)

Read more on "Confederations Cup Profiles: U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!"...

UF After Dark: The Greatest Day in the History of Football?

We are, as always, merely following in the footsteps of our BFFs Dirty Tackle and ONTD, but seriously.... WTF? Cristiano Ronaldo's day included: (1) transferring to Real Madrid for a world record fee and (2) shagging Paris Hilton, of all the people in this world.

Mind boggling. But in some ways, it also makes perfect sense. Which just makes it all even more mind boggling.

So there you have it. The Cristiano Ronaldo transfer covered from every single angle, from high brow to low brow. This is why we love football.

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Football Diplomacy

More football, less Holocaust denial

The U.S. and China had ping pong diplomacy in the 1970s, could the U.S. and Iran now have a little bit of football diplomacy? That might be part of the logic behind preliminary discussions between U.S. Soccer and their Iranian counterparts to hold a friendly in Tehran in late 2010 or 2011.

In fact, a national team friendly would be the second football-related gesture aimed to bring the two nations closer. In March, the Guardian reported that Persepolis and Esteghlal, the two largest Iranian club teams, might come on a tour of the U.S.

As always, it's nice to see two countries trying to put aside their differences on the football pitch.

And, if you’ve been watching or reading the news lately, you know that Iran is holding elections tomorrow and there is a decent chance that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will be unseated. This follows President Obama's historic speech to the Muslim world in Cairo. Stay tuned for this developing story.

/newspeak

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