Friday, May 1, 2009

I Hate My Club's New Shirt

Editor's Note: While we realize that this is not breaking news to this site, we thought it would be fun to get Autoglass's response on the new Chelsea shirt. He doesn't disappoint.
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I hate my favorite club's, Chelsea, new shirt. Sure, it’s still that beautiful “Reflex Blue” that CFC switched to several years back. And, sure, when compared to some of the shirts the Blues have worn over the years, it’s an improvement. But the panels? The form fitting look? The stupid crew collar? Yuck. Fundamentally, there are three problems with this shirt. After the jump, we’ll review them...

First, it’s going to make the team look stupid. They’ll look like they are wearing unitards under their shorts. Unitards with man-bra panels.

Second, this technical fabric and design trend is moronic. I guarantee you that no Chelsea player will at any point next season say, “Wow, this shirt keeps my body cool and allows me greater freedom of movement!” Never. It’s a fucking t-shirt. They are already more than forgiving and comfortable enough.

Finally, think of the fans. We’re supposed to go out and buy a shirt that, when stretched over our middle-aged torsos, will make us look like a Blue sausage crossed with the paneled look of Edward Scissorhands? Tens of thousands of these shirts are going to be stretched over the paunches and man-boobs of the Stamford Bridge support? To paraphrase Jerry Seinfeld, who were the marketing wizards that came up with this idea?

In summary, Chelsea have launched a new strip that makes the team look stupid, personifies the excesses of hype in design, and absolutely maximizes the doofus factor among the supporters.

I hate it. And when I go to Wembley for the FA Cup Final (Yes, I am going. And I’m taking my 8 year old son to his first match in Europe…to see Chelsea…in a Cup Final…at Wembley), I will proudly wearing my old Autoglass shirt. It was ugly, but at least it's not stupid.



Your thoughts on that latest trends in stupid shirt design? And will Liverpool AGAIN simply take the same basic Adidas shirt, except in red, such that Liverpool and Chelsea look like two sides of the same club wearing different colors for a training match?

16 comments:

Mike Georger said...

Liverpool are not changing their home shirt, and their new away shirt does not have the paneling.

I had thought you were not allowed to change your home shirt but every two years?

Mike Georger said...

Also, nice zippers, dicks.

ΓΌ75 said...

I blame it all on the Tour de France starting in London in 07.

Keith said...

AdiFAIL. This year's model was a classy shirt. Next year's model makes Spartak look like an MLS side. And Frank looks petrified about how he must look in it.

The NY Kid said...

I hate my favorite club, Chelsea.



You could have just stopped there and we were all with you.

elpool009 said...

please tell me theyre keeping the away electric yellows. that way they can look like the garbage they are both home and away.

jape said...

Are those really zipper's? It looks like some fucked up Logan's Run glimpse into the future circa 1975.

Nike really has to change up the keepers shirt pattern as well. I can't stand that strip of fabric that runs from the neck to one shoulder - like a gay beach wrap of something.

jape said...

or something. or.

Mike Georger said...

I think Nike should make all their kits looks like United and have a white streak on the lower back that looks like someone blew a line of cum up Ronaldo's back.

Precious Roy said...

Think that's actually a bib sewn in for the mouth-breathing crybabies.

That's forward-thinking design with the drooling and all.

The Fan's Attic said...

their noggins look big, HGH?

epiblast said...

The paneling makes them look like they're wearing harnesses. Which makes sense since they're all on the end of Roman's leash.

Bigus Dickus said...

"The paneling makes them look like they're wearing harnesses. Which makes sense since they're all on the end of Roman's leash."

Bravo sir. Bravo.

Teeknuts said...

Allow me to join the hate-train on these jerseys. Whoever designed them should be the new Howard Webb.

Autoglass said...

Georger, you are a bitter, bitter man.

Magnakai Haaskivi said...

My wife actually broke the news of the new Chelsea kit to me. Actually, her words were "new ugly Chelsea kit". I was so proud of her.