Holy shit.
Unreal.
Oh my god.
You're kidding me.
You're fucking kidding me.
We leave any out?
Probably. What happened today wasn't unreal. It was completely real. Unexpected, yes—I think Tommy Smyth had even said something like, "Well Turkey are out"—but it totally happened.
And here's the thing. It was actually kind of boring. For 90 minutes, Croatia had, what, two good chances (and you just knew they would pay for missing that sitter that Olic sailed off off the crossbar at about the 18th) that weren't the result of a massive goaltending blunder.
For long stretches of the second half—and we're talking like Mesozoic long—Turkey didn't even look like they were interested in scoring. "Hey, one point for the draw. We'll take it."
Uh, doesn't work that way anymore in the knock-out stages, kids.
So when Turkey's back-up keeper, Rustu, came off his line in the 120th minute for the sole purpose of what looked to be giving Luka Modric the chance to put the ball on Ivan Klasnic's head, Turkey were, ahem, cooked.
And for the second time. Remember how they were eliminated by the Czech Republic in the last game of the group stage?
That's why what happened next was so unbelievable. There shouldn't have even been enough time for it to happen (seriously, where did 74 seconds of stoppage time come from?). But a greedy ball across midfield to a couple of players who were way offside for Croatia gave Turkey the ball and Rustu did what he could, specifically: kick it long and pray.
A head, a bounce, and a Semih Senturk strike later Rustu, and all of Turkey owe one to the supreme being of their choice.
When it went to PK's did anyone think Turkey wouldn't win? Okay, after Modric missed his first kick did those people still not think Turkey would win? (But hey, Spurs, you've got a young player who is already a seasoned choker, nice going).
And if you just saw the highlights, it wouldn't make for a compelling watch. A couple of goals. Two missed PK's and a save. I'm certain of this because it's what SportsCenter led with on the heels of the surreal turned real. Twenty seconds, there's your recap. Now here's some news on Pac-Man Jones. Awesome, huh?
No.
That's the thing about futbol, you have to endure the whole thing for the parts of it to make sense and to matter. You can't just give away the ending. Only after the build-up in the narrative do you care that the chick in The Crying Game is a dude, or that Bruce Willis himself is dead.
Oops. Spoiler alerts. Sorry. Rosebud is also the sled, by the way.
Okay, so long parts of the match were boring, but you can't take a shortcut to get the drama. Sorry, you just can't.
Anyway, Turkey are bulletproof. Yeah, they're down about five players to cards, a couplathree more to injury, so they look dead before they even take the field against die Germans. But, as noted, Turkey have already been eliminated twice and, yet, here they are, one win from a spot in the finals.
I'm guessing they are going to warm up for the semi with soccer balls made of kryptonite.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Euro Trash Day 14: Wow. Just... Wow.
Euro Trash: Day 13 Quarterfina... SCHWEINSTEIGER!!!!
Here is my contribution to the Euro separated-at-birth meme. Enjoy!
Read more about the guy on the left after the jump.
The Berlin Wall 3, Cristiano Ronaldo's Pouty Face 2: Efficient. Disciplined. Organized. Teutonic. You may use any of the tried and true cliches about German futbol to describe today's match because the scoreline doesn't reflect what a rout the game really was. Portugal was playing from behind (literally and figuratively) the entire match. Once Germany took the lead, which took all of 22 minutes, the Germans simply sat back on defense and smothered any Portuguese attack. Some nice individual play by Cristiano Ronaldo and Nani -- who will continue to be teammates for about two more days before Ronaldo packs up and leaves for Real Madrid (shocker!) -- made the game respectable, but countless crosses went wildly off target or dribbles into the box fizzled out or over-ambitious long-range shots careened into the stands.
What's clear is that Big Phil has a lot of work to do with the Portuguese defenders when he gets to Chelski (human growth hormones might help). All three of Germany's goals came due to shocking, pathetic defensive lapses. Carvalho was nowhere to be seen, and Paulo Ferreira should be shipped to the Siberian Third Division, promptly.
Meanwhile, with each German goal, the stadium strangely rocked with Euro dance music and the Portuguese looked more and more dejected. ESPN's feed showed about 2,000 shots of Joachim Loew in his special bubble boy sin bin -- by the end of the game the cameraman was so bored with the shot that he was introducing a dramatic soft focus -- and, much like Cristiano Ronaldo dreaming of the millions of euros that he is about to make at Real Madrid, my mind wandered to the thought of a dreaded Germany versus Italy final. It would be like the Spurs and Pistons in the NBA Finals, only much, much, much worse. So, forgive me if I'll be rooting for the Netherlands and Spain, who at least make the games unpredictable. Fucking Germans, always winning!
Other crud
Euro 2008 a huge success....for ticket scalpers [Guardian]
Germany's WAGs are wagging the proverbial Ballack [Chelsea Pies]
Seattle Sounders have an awesome season tickets process (h/t Deadspin) [Enjoy the Enjoyment]
We don't know what this is, but it's kinda entertaining [Nintenofriendo Wii Fan Boy]
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Moving Forward: The Quarterfinals Euro Trash: Quarterfinal Previews - Day 12
Separated at birth?
[Note: It appears we didn't do our daily Euro Trash, so this is it...sorry no links either.]
The group phase of Euro 2008 is now complete and the knockout stages commence today.
Only three teams could be considered surprise advancers, but even then Russia and Croatia were both darkhorse picks by many, leaving only Turkey (who it must be mentioned was Lingering Bursitis' darkhorse). Unfortunately, Jens Lehmann is not a German keeper to inspire confidence either. My heart roots for the Germans to make Ronaldo weep again, but my head says the Germans lack the quality to stop the stepovers of Portugal. 2-0 Portugal. Both squads will be depleted due to injury and/or suspension, but Turkey will face the bigger challenge: their first-choice keeper is out on suspension after Jan Koller's judo fall. Croatia seems well organized and ready to party thanks to rock-n-roll coach Slaven Bilic. 2-1 Croatia. Van Basten has an offensive juggernaut and appears to be of the mindset that the best defense is a good offense. Questions linger about the Dutch defense, but it so far has held up--bending but not breaking--against some quality frontlines. 3-1 Netherlands. Italy, on the other hand, struggled to advance from the Group of Champions after the opening shellacking by Netherlands. The Azzurri go into this match missing midfield maestro Andrea Pirlo and midfield monster Gennaro Gattuso due to suspension. But, the real problem may be the fact that Italy's forwards can't score. Luca Toni has been the opposite of George Clooney in sticking it in. Profligate doesn't even begin to describe his tournament so far. With literally dozens of chances, Toni has not scored after leading the Bundesliga with 24 goals, although he has one wrongly called back. Toni has been the focus of Italy's attack and it remains to be seen whether that will change. Italy's offensive shortcomings have been overcome, however, by the magnificence of Gigi Buffon who has been nothing short of amazing in goal. He has kept Italy in this tournament. The rest of the defense though, does not appear to be as impenetrable as Buffon, making this game ripe for Spain's picking. I do think, though, Italy will recover its form and shape, making this the best matchup of the quarterfinals with a narrow 3-2 Spain victory with Torres showing his prowess at unlocking a big, strong backline.
Portugal v. Germany:
Portugal advanced from group A with ease and will face Germany the runner-up in group B. Germany struggled after a dominating opener against a Polish side that proved completely unfit for the competition. The question here is whether Germany can regain its form or ascend to a greater form against the offensive firepower of Portugal. Surely, somebody besides Podolski or Ballack will have to show up offensively for Deutschland to test the mostly untested backline of Portugal and its weak keeper Ricardo.
Croatia v. Turkey:
Croatia, the surprise winner of Group B improved greatly after an abysmal opening victory over co-host Austria will play against the cinderellas of the tournament, Turkey. The invaders from Istanbul crashed the quarterfinal party on the back of two come-from-behind victories over the Swiss and Czech Republic. The latter being one of the most amazing comebacks ever down 2-0 with 20 or so minutes left. Virtually grand larceny of victory from Czech Republic.
Netherlands v. Russia:
Netherlands, easily the most impressive squad in the tournament so far, made a clean sweep of the Group of Champions, Group C, outscoring the 2006 World Cup finalists, France and Italy, 7-1, and defeating Romania 2-0. The Dutch will face a young Russian squad led by tactical grandmaster Guus Hiddink, who the Dutch may strip of citizenship if Russia prevails. (May not be true.) Russia advanced on the strength of victories over Sweden and Greece and has proven to be talented and organized, but not necessarily having the final touch of class necessary to be world class. Netherlands, on the other hand, led by Marco Van Basten have shown the world so much class on the offensive end that they could lend some to Portugal and still have been the class of the tournament.
Spain v. Italy:
The final quarterfinal matchup pits Spain against Italy. Spain notched three victories, but appear to have regressed somewhat after the sterling opening 4-1 victory over Russia. David Villa leads all scorers with 4 goals, but Spain's offense, while star filled, appears to have some difficulty against an organized backline. Sweden proved Spain can still be bullied and may not be able to change its tactics when the short, quick passes are not unlocking the defense. Spain's defense has also been found lacking. See, for example, Sergio Ramos.
That's the TFA quarterfinal preview and here is my Lindsay Lohan (quick and dirty) Euro 2008 rankings:
1. Netherlands
2. Portugal
3. Spain
4. Croatia
5. Russia
6. Turkey
7. Germany
8. Italy
9. Romania
10. Sweden
11. Czech Republic
12. Switzerland
13. France
14. Poland
15. Austria
16. Greece
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Euro Trash Day 11: The Replacements
The Dutch rested 9. The French made 3 changes. The Romanians stood firm. The Italians mixed and matched a little.
Today was a day for drama and substitutes, for hasty tactical rearrangements and a formation shattered by a first-half red card. Regardless, every team earned their cash, and we enjoyed the treats.
Somewhere tonight, an astrological chart burns.
If I were Raymond Domenech, I simply wouldn't go home. I wouldn't run the risk of being mutilated and torn limb-from-limb by the croissant-chompers lying in wait at Charles de Gaulle airport. I would simply pull a Jason Bourne; burn my current ID, pull out a fake passport, cut my hair and add a fake moustache, and disappear into the night. No note of apology, no note of sorrow and regret... just get the fuck out and start again. Barbados is looking for a coach, but even he might be a touch too New Agey for a country rooted in various spiritual traditions. That being said, let's put Gallic castigation aside for a minute and look at these scrappy Italian feckers. Did they wet themselves when examining the task at hand? No. Did they complain at every refereeing decision? No, especially not the contentious red card for Thuram's understudy, Eric Abidal. It was a blatant, clumsy foul. No doubt whatsoever there. But a straight red? Is someone taking the term "professional foul" a little too seriously? Coupet was right there, although Eric was the last man. Did they work hard in the second half to make sure the victory was theirs? Yes. Did they make the most of what was good fortune and enterprise was thrown their way? Yes, with the exception of yet another dismal performance from lone frontman Luca Toni. (As the BBC liveblog noted, Toni and Mario Gomez combined for 43 goals this season in the Bundesliga. What the fuck is going on? Are they that bad, or is it the Bundesliga?) For Italy, this was a fine way to bounce back from two terrible performances earlier in the group. They now stumble into the quarter-finals to face Spain, with the grim reality of continuing to toil without Cannavaro, and now losing Pirlo and Gattuso to 1-game suspensions after their yellows this evening. For France, a long trip home and plenty of time to reflect. Why didn't Thuram play? Why did Ribery have to overextend on that meaningless, innocuous foul early in the game? Why did Domenech flirt with using Nasri, only to pull him after the red card instead of the listless Toulalan (who's been absolute crap in Euro '08)? Why did Henry toil alone up front? Why is Coupet not in line for the French presidency? All these questions can be answered rather simply: Domenech is a useless son of a bitch. I eagerly await his termination and subsequent replacement, who is facing a Herculean task to turn around this old, tired squad that's horribly imbalanced towards the aged and tenured. I just hope for Estelle Denis' sake that Raymond makes a better husband than manager (Else, I'll happily offer my services as a replacement). Poor Romania. Even with 9 changes to the Dutch XI that fisted France and Italy, they still couldn't get it done. Of course, in lieu of finding actual constructive criticism, the Bucharest press will surely just call for Mutu's head after his penalty miss against Gianluigi Buffon. But in reality, Romania simply wasn't good enough today. Despite the waves of possession and half-chances, you always had the feeling that the clog-hoppers were going to walk away unscathed, and two moments of class were enough. Huntelaar's finish was decisive from Afellay's cross, and Van Persie surprised our UF liveblog peanut gallery in playing the entire match and even bagging the late goal with an emphatic close-range effort. Shame for the Romanians, but they're history now. Beyond that, a mouth-watering semi with either Spain or Italy, and then who knows? Of all the teams to make it this far, none other has shown the consistency of character or victory, but they all have their strong points. I wrote at length of the Dutch ability to waste talent in my team preview, and perhaps it's all downhill from here. At least they've shown us some entertainment in the group stages. (ps. I'm still picking Spain to shake their pretender shackles and emerge victorious, even though Total Football appears to have, gulp, returned)
France 0
Italy 2 (Pirlo 25" pen, De Rossi 62")
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Netherlands 2 (Huntelaar 54", Van Persie 87")
Romania 0
Regarding Holland, do we join the bandwagon and anoint them as the tournament favourites heading into the quarter-finals? On performances alone, they've been the most impressive by far. They've enjoyed clear victories over a darkhorse and two pre-tourney frontrunners, and now they're looking at a dinner date with either Russia or Sweden, two equally-dull and dismal sides to watch.
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Links Roundup
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Meet Aragones, your new Fenerbahce manager [Soccernet]
Madagascar fire their manager, who was UNDEFEATED in qualifying! [Yahoo! Sports]
Soccer means less people go to the opera? I'm stunned! [AP]
Jens Lehmann with some advice on how to stop Portugal. I'm worried, considering he couldn't stop Birmingham [International Herald Tribune]
Germany's bright young star might jump to the Jewish club of North London. Good/bad idea? [The Daily Telegraph]
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Top 10 US Players who deserve to see the pitch (seriously, get rid of Donovan) [THE YANKEE HOOLIGAN]
An inside look at Chelsea's propaganda machine [Pitch Invasion]
Remember this? Well, they've been found guilty! Elder brother Shaun must be so proud! [BBC News]
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Euro Trash Day 10: Day of the Germans
It wasn’t a good day for countries formerly conquered by the Nazis, nor for former Nazi officials. But, it was a good day for the former Weimar Republic as the Teutons advanced to the Euro 2008 quarterfinals with a 1-0 victory over former conquest Austria. The formerly occupied Poland also lost to Croatia 1-0 to advance tops in Group B.
Croatia may have won more that advancement today, though, as The Sun spotted a former Nazi “civil servant” from Croatia enjoying Euro 2008 among the Volk, even going so far as to visit the war criminal’s abode. Milivoj Asner, 95, and his wife enjoyed a café in Klagenfurt, Austria. Asner is the fourth most wanted Nazi war criminal standing accused of citing genocide in Croatia. Austria has refused to extradite Asner to Croatia stating he is too ill to stand trial, although the old man seems to get around better than Kirk Douglas. Perhaps this will change his extradition status.
German 1 – 0 Austria: I can’t confirm whether Austria kept its knickers dry, but I am sure Mario Gomez has shit his pants for last time in the foreseeable future for Die Mannschafft. Gomez missed a sitter mere yards in front of an open goal in the fifth minute. The Spanish-German has had a Euro 2008 to forget missing an easy early goal in the first match against Poland and being utterly useless since then. Thankfully, Herr Ballack finally decided to show up for the Germans, netting a rocket of a free kick in the 49th minute.
The real drama happened on the sidelines in this match as managers Joachim Loew, Germany, and Josef Hickersberger, Austria, were sent off after a sideline spat. As the Gamecast commentary put it in the 40th minute:They had a little pop at each other five minutes ago, but the fourth official has called the ref over and now both coaches will watch the rest of the game from the stands. They did shake hands on their way there though.
The managers were sent to the stands where Loew had to explain to German Angela Merkel (in orange) what happened. It remains to be seen whether Loew will face an additional sideline ban for the upcoming quarterfinal matchup against Portugal.
Croatia 1 – 0 Poland: Clearly, Slaven Bilic did not start his mother-in-law against Poland despite Leo Beenhakker’s pleas. I didn’t watch this match, but I do know that Croatia won on Ivan Klasnic’s goal. Croatia had already progressed as the top seed from Group B and will face a depleted Turkish squad in the quarterfinals.
On to the links:
- I Dislike Your Favorite Team pays UF a backhanded compliment. Or, maybe it’s not even a compliment. But, Soccernista likes us, he (it?) really likes us.
- The Premier League fixtures were released today, only two months to opening day.
- Steve Nash is confirmed as interested in bringing MLS to Vancouver, Canada.
In case you haven’t noticed, we have a new face (moniker) around these parts, The Likely Lad, he’s a Spurs fan. Be nice, they’re sensistive.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Euro Trash Day 9: Day Awesome!
Just goes to show, if you worship your keeper as Kālī, he will let you down.
A double-team effort for you here tonight. The NY Kid Precious Roy and ü75 are here to tell you what we remember of the games that were on the TV while we were staring at our computer screens. Just for fun, we will switch games (not really).
Switzerland 2, Portugal's Second Team 0.
Well, the Portuguese gave the co-hosts a nice parting gift by not starting any of Cristiano Ronaldo, Deco, Bosingwa, Simao, and Ricardo Carvalho.
The Swiss actually had the better of the early play as many of the Portuguese players seemed unsure what they were doing on the pitch and not on the bench. But in the 18th Nani sent in a scorcher that Pepe got a touch on and Zapruder (can't recall his actual name and am too lazy to look up the name of the eliminated goalie) did well to get enough on it to put it off the post.
Shocker of the first half was that Senderos saved probably two goals. He made amends by committing a couple of silly fouls. One of which resulted in a card for his own player, Yakin (probably dissent, not positive as there was some switching going on with the Czechs and the Turks).
Game got a little chippy in the second half and Ribeiro could have been tossed for a late studs up tackle. Only a yellow. In the 71st Inler send a nice ball in to Yakin and he put it right past Ricardo. Portugal pretty much packed it in after that. Not in the defensive sense but in the effort sense.
A somewhat dodgy call went for the hosts when Barnetta got taken down in the box. Yakin converted the PK and the Swiss get to play "what if" for the next couple of years.
What if we get at least a deserved draw against the Czechs, what if we don't give up the stoppage time goal to the Turks, what if our best player doesn't go down before the first match is half in the books, what if our players had been offered free beer for life for scoring, what if we started naturalizing Brazilians, etc.
Silver lining: It was Switzerland's first ever Euro win. And most of the players likely sleep with very attractive women. Probably even Senderos.
Turkey 3, Czech Republic 2.
I said what I had to say in the 90th minute. That was a bolded, all-caps "Holy shit!" Just in case you think that was a little over the top, go see what the liveblogger at Soccernet had to say. He starts to use exclamations in the 75th minute and doesn't stop. It was that kind of game.
The Czechs started off bright and on the attack. The Turks, however, had a different game plan. Little did I know it at the time, but Turkey was waiting for the Czechs to tire themselves out. It took 75 minutes and giving up two goals, but dammit it worked.
Czech Republic went up 1-0 in the 34th minute on a textbook Jan Koller header. Remember WC2006 in the first five minutes against USA? Yeah, it was that again. The Turks had been packed in early, getting lots of fouls called against them. the Czechs were all too happy to attack, but could put nothing strong on frame until Koller outleaped everyone in the box. Turkey tried to respond, but after about five minutes retreated into their defensive shell and waited for the second half.
That second half was a complete opposite of the first. Turkey was all over the Czechs from the kick, and by the 51st minute had looked dangerous on at least three attacks. The Czechs had fallen into a counter-attacking mode, and it would have worked with anyone but Koller up top in the 61st. No matter, one minute later the Czechs scored again, this time through a sliding Jaroslav Plasil picking out a cross from Libor Sionko. At 2-0, the game looked finished.
Full credit to the Turks, they never quit, though they did have about five minutes of "feeling sad time" to get through. Finally, they got their breakthrough in the 75th when Arda Turan met Hamit Altintop's grounded cross and Cech was beaten near post.
I am fully aware that if you have not seen the ending of this match, you will not believe what I write next, but trust me, it happened.
The Turks kept up their attack, spurred on by their full-voiced support in the stands. The fans were rewarded when, in the 87th minute, Petr Cech fumbled a slippery ball from a high cross right onto Nihat Kahveci's foot. Nihat's reaction poked the ball over the line for a 2-2 scoreline. I had barely had the time to post the details when Nihat scored again, this time beating an offside trap and floating an amazing shot over Cech, who made no move on the ball.
By this time, all decorum was lost on the blog. Go look. I stopped typing complete sentences. Everyone in the comments used their favorite expletive and exclamations were used as if they were the space bar. The game took an even weirder turn in stoppage time, when Turkish keeper Volkan Demirel, probably incensed that Koller tried to knee him in the hip at full speed, pushed Koller in the chest. Koller flopped like his name was Rivlado. Hey, that was against Turkey, too. Anyway, straight red and Turkey was forced to put a field player in net.
Though there were some possible time-keeping issues, the Czechs could not put any attempts on emergency keeper Tuncay and the Turks were through.
I regained normal breathing about two hours later. Some people were a little too excited, though.
Other stuff happened today, too.
Brazil lost, again. This time in qualifying [Soccernet]
US wins easily against Barbados [Soccernet]
For Mexico, not a strong start to the SGE era [Houston Chronicle]
Man U use different technique to get young Italian to sign [Daily Mail]
Euro Poon [Fox Sports] It says poon--that means NSFW, okay?
Finally, with all due respect to Julie Foudy (whatever exactly that is), do not come onto the post-game show and say that Sneijder's goal is the goal of the tournament anymore, this one is (the angle at :48 does it the best justice).
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Euro Trash Day 8: Heroes of the last-minute
Oh fair reader. The sacrifices I have made on your account. Knowing full well that, much like the host nations at this year's Europe Cup, I had failed miserably in my last two Euro Trash recaps, I set off today determined to make things right. I braved a rainy day to sit inside at not one but two bars for the past 6 hours just so I would have plenty to say at this very moment. And now, two bars, many drinks, and two matches later, I stand -- well, sit -- before you ready to make amends. Today's action wasn't the most compelling of the competition (that honor likely goes to yesterday's matches) but there were still thrilling goals, close matches and plenty to discuss. Please follow me after the jump!
Silva/Torres/Villa 2, Sweden 1. Two sublime goals by Torres and Villa (the first with a nice assist from Silva) were enough to garner another victory for los Espanoles (I know, 3.5 years of high school Spanish and I can't even get that right). Spain came out the better side and got on the scoreboard thanks to a cute little flick on from Torres off a corner. Puyol came off due to a knock at thirty minutes. Then came the Swedish, who looked the more composed side for much of the first half and tied the score with a typical finish from Ibrahimovic who muscled the ball past three defenders and Casillas. In the second half, it was clear that Sweden would be very happy with a draw, as they continually absorbed the Spanish pressure while making only furtive attempts at the Spanish goal. Andy Gray had just said something disparaging about David Villa when, well into stoppage time, Villa yet again drove up his impeding transfer fee: he made a sublime run down the left, juked the ball underneath the Swedish defender, cut inside and slotted the ball in for the winner. Honestly, I thought Sweden had earned a draw -- and not just because my new friend at the first bar was, in fact, Swedish. Speaking of... are the Swedish the most consistently attractive people on the face of the earth? I'd say yes, so there's a bit of consolation for Sweden after an unlucky defeat. Spain are practically guaranteed the top position in the group and, thanks to their young attacking players, will surely be a tough out in the knockout stage.
Russia 1, Greece 0 After imbibing several beers plus a bit of il Labratorio del gelato (best gelato in NYC, hands down), I was off to bar #2 for the second match of the day. Now, I am one of the few people who does not disparage Greece for their win at Euro 2004. Who cares if they won playing a dull, defensive style -- at 100:1 odds, they deserve all the credit in the world! So, let that be Greece's eulogy, because there will be no repeat performance at Euro 2008. The loss was all down to a ridiculous mistake by Greece's goalkeeper, who honestly looks to be about 57 years old. It was around the 30 minute mark that Nikopolidis improbably strayed out, only to have Semak flick the ball back to Zyryanov for an easy open goal. I have to admit the rest of the game was a bit of a snooze, although the salami and mozzarella sandwich I ate at halftime was excellent, and I earned my first buyback from my local. A goal by Greece was called offsides in a somewhat dodgy decision toward the end of the match, but frankly Greece didn't show anything suggesting they deserved to move on to the knockout stage. So long, champs!
Final tally: 6 or 8 beers, two bars, 4 goals, two strangers who are now my best friends, two scoops of gelato, one salami and mozzarella sandwich, a bag of chips and one happy Spectator. Today's results set up a must-win match between Sweden and Russia on Wednesday, which should be very exciting indeed -- especially for those of you without day jobs. (sniff!)
Other news:
- Romanian midfielder Radoi is out of Euro 2008 after nasty collision with a Rat. Radoi's nose is broken and he'll require eye surgery.
- Berlusconi to limit wiretaps that broke the Italian matchfixing scandal. They should just change the dictionary definition of "corruption" to "see Italian politicians."
- French, Swiss and Dutch fans clash resulting in 100 arrests.
- Online piracy is a problem with Euro 2008. We've never heard of this before!
- Be sure to check out the hi-larious pic of Sergio Ramos out at a nightclub (midway of liveblog).
- If I could be anywhere in the world right now, I'd want to be in Austria singing "You'll Never Walk Alone" with James Richardson and Barry Glendenning.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Euro Trash Day 7: Schmoke this, Raymond
And down go the French! For the second game, the Dutch made mincemeat of their opposition. This was, after all, supposed to be the Group of Death. Hardly. The Netherlands have secured a top seed in the quarters. Italy and France.... not so good. Keep reading after the jump.
Want to know why England isn't playing at the European Cup? No passing. Want to know why the Netherlands is playing so well? Passing.
The Netherlands 4, French 1: This wasn't a fair fight. The Netherlands were supposed to be the third team behind Italy and France. Instead, they are looking to be one of the most complete, dangerous squads at the European Cup. France still has a gaping hole in its midfield where one Zizou used to occupy. Granted, France had a slow start at the 2006 European Cup, but this time around it's looking all but over.
The Dutch only managed a single goal in the first half, but the truth is that France had some furtive looks at the goal but were outmatched. For the Dutch, it was pass, pass, pass, shot on goal, pass, good tackle, pass pass. And that was before the Artist formerly known as Arjen Robben got going in the second half. Robben set up a goal by the Artist Formerly Known as Robin Van Persie in the 72nd minute and then scored one himself. A lone goal from the Artist Formerly Known as Thierry Henry was small consolation, but the Netherlands put in a fourth before it was over -- as though the outcome was ever really in doubt, and even when it was, the Van Der Sar Generator coolly in control. Now the Netherlands can relax against Romania, and France must get a win against Italy.
Romania 1, Italy 1: Speaking of Italy... Unlike the French, who were outmatched, Italy was just a little unlucky and then just a little lucky, and in the end maybe only deserved the draw. The unluck came when an Luca Toni goal was harshly called off for an offside. The luck came when Buffon made a brilliant save of a Adrian Mutu penalty with an absolutely brilliant save. [Yes, that awful sentence was intentional... Just trying to channel my inner Foudy]Italy seemed to do all they could to hand the game to Romania, with an abysmal Zambrotta backpass leading to the draw. And now, much like France, Italy will need to win their last game to even have a chance. That's the danger of the European Cup -- it can be over before your team ever really got started.
Other news
Romanians can't set up big TV in Rome to taunt Italians.
Abramovich pays Amy Winehouse $2MM to play for his GF's art opening,
which includes that fat, nekkid woman painting he bought.
How to watch Euro 08 for free on the internets!
Enjoy the games this weekend!! And yes, Julie Foudy is still useless.
Euro Trash Day 6: Krauted
Forgive me fair reader. My night took an unexpected detour and suffice it to say I'm in no shape to recap today's futbol action. Let's just say that Croatia has an unexpected win against der Germans, Austria and Poland look destined to not make the knockout round, and your dedicated blogger drank his quota for the night. Updates and whatnot coming in the morning. In the meantime, it's zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
[Updated hangover edition after the jump!]
As my man the Arseblogger would say, “boik!” Lesson learned: do not commit yourself to writing this here Euro Trash and then proceed to get wasted college-style (all that was missing was a beer bong). I’m just proud to have written something coherent last night, and I even managed to upload a pic!
Croatia 2, Germany 1
Enough about my misadventures, let’s talk about Germany and their misadventures. Yesterday we had the first true shock upset of the Euros (the Netherlanders beating Italy 3-0 was shocking, but not really an upset). Because every comment about Germany requires at least one WWII/Nazi analogy, it was clear that the blitzkrieg failed. Croatia simply outplayed a German squad who many thought were the favorites to win Euro 2008. Just to rub a little bit more salt in England’s still-fresh wounds, coach Slaven Bilic said the win over Germany was even better than the victory at Wemberly that got Croatia into the Euros.
Germany’s coach Joachim Loew, in turn, was pretty honest about his team’s deficiencies: “Overall we were a weak team. We didn't manage to play through the midfield, we played too many high balls, our game off the ball was bad, we did not run the combinations, and precision was lacking.” It truly was shocking how terrible Ballack and Schweinsteiger were yesterday. Perhaps it was the Austrian humidity, or just forgetting to show up for a big game. The Germans should be able to recover with a win against a pretty dire Austria, but they are suddenly looking fairly flawed and beatable.
Croatia, in turn, has already qualified to reach the quarterfinals and only needs a tie or better against Poland (who look pretty dire too) to take the top seed from their group. A lot of talk before the tournament about how Croatia would miss Eduardo (granted, most of that talk from us Gooners). But much talk today about how Bilic re-figured his lineup yesterday and how Croatia were able to pass and run circles around Germany. Time to officially take the darkhorse tag off of Croatia? Affirmed.
Austria 1, Poland 1 The first result for a home nation, but really these two teams look terrible. If the wheels completely fall off of Germany, there’s a slight chance that either Austria or Poland could advance. Not very likely though. Plus, this match saw the UF debut of a pic of that Austrian pervert who locked his secret family in the basement. Seriously, that picture gives me the shivers.
Other news
Aston Villa holding out for more cash for Gareth Barry’s inevitable transfer to Liverpool
Polish politician threatens to yank Podolski's non-existent Polish passport.
Yanks-Abroad is off the Bradley bandwagon. UF wonders if the U.S. can get Hiddink now?
Female amateur (we think) soccer player suspended for kicking an opponent. It's news because she's an Australian MP!
USWNT appearing on Price is Right!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Euro Trash Day 4: "In Villa we trust"
What an afternoon.
Having managed to finagle enough time at lunch to watch The Torres n' Villa Show, I've discovered that I have a rather unhappy knack of leaving the TV area some 20 seconds before or after a goal. Rushing round the office floor, I'd get into Hirshey's office just in time to see the goal celebrations and slow-mo replay, or I'd leave to go back to work right before a moment of brilliance.
This was confirmed during the late game, as I missed Ibrahimovic's wonder strike and Hansson's bundle of joy by a matter of moments.
Still, we were treated to 100 minutes of quality football (there were about 8 minutes of compelling football in the Greece/Sweden match) and we've barely gotten into the tournament schedule.
ESPN must be thanking its lucky stars.
Also thankful: Valencia, who must have watched in glee as Villa's sublime hat-trick added about 6-8 million pounds to his eventual transfer fee.
Without further ado: Champagne football in places from the Spaniards, although enough questions were asked of their defense to keep the other contenders sleeping easy this evening. The Russians, led by the grim efficiency of Guus Hiddink, were up for the challenge, but Spain were simply brilliant on the counter, and made the most of their chances. I particularly loved Torres' unselfishness to slide a certain goal-bound shot to his teammate Villa for the first goal, outhustling Denis Kolodin and squaring the ball for a routine tap-in. It was a total team performance by Spain, although the Russians were unlucky to walk away with such a dismal scoreline. They played open, positive football and created several chances with their pace and tireless workrate. Pavlyushenko was a menace up front despite being tactically isolated by Guus in that f*cking 4-5-1 formation, and he deserved his goal. Zyryanov was unlucky not to equalize at 1-1 as his sharp shot rattled back off Casillas' post, and Bilyaletdinov had his moments. However, Spain deserved their honors, but given the general style of play in the late match, Hiddink will not be concerned about having to play catch-up with his focused Russian squad. What an awful fucking match. I'd have rather watched Derby County v. Sunderland instead of this mess. Greece sauntered into the tournament with the same deadlock, unimaginative tactics that snoozed them to victory in 2004, and this time, thank the heavens above, it was punished by a plucky, persistent Swedish squad that's equally awful to watch. Aside from Ibrahimovic, a man not known for his pedigree in the biggest occasions, there aren't many household names amid the lineup. Instead, just a few bearded blue-eyed, blond-haired workhorses who simply wouldn't quit. Considering the tone of the first half, it became abundantly clear that it would require a flash of brilliance to shake the game to life, and Zlatan undoubtedly provided that with his snapshot from Larsson's return pass. The second goal was embarrassing as a goalline scramble left Hansson to chest the ball across the line. Greece were shit, and deserved to lose. I am so thankful that their lack of creativity was finally exposed, although if Zlatan had caught that ball a fraction of a second later, we could have been staring down the barrel of our second 0-0 bore draw. Unfortunately, in every tournament, you have teams just there to make up the numbers. Normally, my England side fulfills that role nicely, but in this group, Greece and Sweden are serious pretenders. I'd throw Austria in the mix, but at least they're expending the energy of co-hosting this fucking thing. What did Greece bring with them? Five o'clock shadows and cases of ouzo?
Spain 4 (Villa 20", 45", 75", Fabregas 90")
Russia 1 (Pavlyuchenko 86")
Greece 0
Sweden 2 (Ibrahimovic 67", Hansson 73")
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Euro Trash roundup:
First Austrian to score in Euro '08 gets a lifetime's supply of beer [Soccernet]
Modric to miss the next match with a hurt achilles? [TSN]
Emre out for Turkey in crucial match against Switzerland [Soccernet]
England is playing a role in Euro '08, although God, I wish they weren't [AdFreak]
The Euro '08 All-WAG XI.... simply brilliant [The Spoiler]
Monday, June 9, 2008
Euro Trash Day 3: "Clockwork Oranje"
Immutable Laws of Euro 2008 (after three days):
1)Only one team is allowed to score in each match.
2)At least one pre tournament favorite will shit the bed and fail to make it out of the group stages.
3)The host countries are going to be complimented by idiot ESPN halftime analyst(s) as “plucky” and “determined,” but neither will actually score a goal in the tournament, much less win a game.
Today was the first day of play for Group C, aka the Group of Death. We saw some good (the Dutch), some bad (Nicolas Anelka), and some really bad (Italy giving up three goals in a major tournament for the first time since 1970). More scintillating insight after the jump.
The first game was a turgid nil nil between
That honor goes to the Italians, who lost 3-0 to the
Finally here are links for your reading pleasure, while I attempt to cleanse the Meadowlands stench off of my clothes.
Former Cosmos groupie writes for the WWL.
Celtic like damaged goods, still interested in Frei.
Real a girl C. Ronaldo.
Polish, German fans test Clausewitz’s theories on total warfare.
A Czech with gambling advice.Read more on "Euro Trash Day 3: "Clockwork Oranje""...
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Euro Trash Day 2: "Electric Boogaloo"
Croatia 1 - Austria 0
Add Croatians to the list of people not to invite over. For the second day in a row a former communist country showed up as a guest to the Euro party and started to steal shit from the host. And by "shit" I mean "match." Heavy favorites Croatia got a debatably gift penalty call (see what we did there... who doesn't love a party theme?) inside of 5 minutes then held on for the three points.
A bit reckless on the contact? Yes. Penalty? Maybe. Yellow card? No way (turns out the card was given to Emanuel Pogatetz for the protest, not to Rene Aufhauser for the challlenge). But Luka Modric converted, and the single goal held up.
The 90-something ranked Austrians probably deserved better, save for the critical fact that they neglected to score but, silver lining, they disposed of the notion that they would embarrass themselves as they flat outplayed Croatia in the second half.
Croatia, who often will just punch a team in the face until they relent found that the Austrians were happy to punch right back. In fact it was while Pogatetz was carrying the yellow and still pulled at [I think] Olic's shoulder not once but twice before clubbing him across the face with his forearm—should have been a second yellow and an ejection—at about the 30th minute that Croatia realized they might have to win on skill alone. And somewhat surprisingly, they didn't seem like they had enough of it (I know Eduardo led the qualifying group in scoring but is he really that important?).
Austria peppered keeper Pletikosa with chances, but failed to get a couple of headers down that might have netted the equalizer. My $.02, this was the most exciting match of the tourney so far. It was far from pretty, buy fuck if these two teams didn't run at each other for 90 straight.
Germany 2 - Poland 0
The really sad part about this is that with each successive encounter, Poland seems more convinced that they are going to beat Germany. Today's 2-0 quasi-methodical defeat brings Germany's running record to 12-0-4. Lukas Podolski had a brace off a fortuitous bounce and a couple of good looks at a hatty (Oh wait, the really, really sad part about this is that Podolski was born in Poland).
I didn't see the second goal live because my ESPN2 went out (along with ESPN, but Classic was still raging, strange). Was that national?
Anyway, Poland created some chances, but keeping with the letimotif of all teams having been shut-out, couldn't finish. I think that might be a tautology.
Too bad Johnnie Cochran is dead or he could have made a killer pre-game pep talk. "If Lehmann is in goal, you must score if you're a Pole." Yeah, shit that rhymes is always true.
Despite Jens showing in the first minute (ah, shades of the EPL opener against Fulham) that he was apt to blunder, Poland couldn't take advantage. They actually outshot Germany 11-9 (with a good number of the German shots coming late) but didn't make Jens have to handle enough of them.
Germany looks like a lock to advance, but given the other three teams' performances, Group B's bridesmaid derby is wideopen.
Linkage:
Looks like Spain won't be having any Cesc on the field. Not for starters anyway. I don't have the coaching credentials of Aragones (I'm also not quite as racist either) but this seems like a very bad idea.
Shocker. People drinking at the Euro.
Didier Drogba can't stand not being the center of attention.
If I weren't such a HTML 'tard I would have given the two photos cutlines of "My name is Luka" and "My name is Lukas" respectively. Go ahead, laugh. That shit is funny.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Euro Trash Day 1: "Frei, Big Phil and Foudy"
"Welcome to the EUROPE Cup, Pepe." So sayeth ESPN's studio anchor after Portugal won 2-0 over Turkey. So, let me also say: "Welcome to the EUROPE Cup, fair reader." This here would be the first part of our hopefully regular series of recaps throughout the tournament. Hey babe, after the jump take a walk on the wild side.
Let's start with the most important topic: how terrible is ESPN's coverage?
Please get Julie Foudy and that other douche off my television. Tommy Smyth and Andy Gray can stay: After the debacle that was da WWL's coverage of the 2006 World Cup, all eyes and ears were turned to see how badly they would fuck up Euro 2008.
Let's start with the good. I have to admit that Andy Gray was excellent and he is a real smart hire, and Tommy Smyth might be a bit monotonous sometimes but the guy has charm and, more importantly, an accent (can we make a rule that the thicker your accent, the more authentic you are as a football commentator?).
Now, the bad. First, there were many times where broadcasting from Bristol really hampered the commentators -- the director would show a replay, something exciting was happening in the game (you could tell because the crowd was cheering), and the poor commentators were left like me at home, thinking, "they should switch back to the game right fucking now, okthanks." If the commentators were actually at the game, well, then they could just look up from the monitors themselves! So cheap. Second, someone take Julie Foudy out back and shoot her. I mean it. She knows nothing, talks over everyone else, and isn't funny or insightful. I would say maybe she will get better as the tournament goes along, but my willingness to give her the benefit of the doubt is already used up in its entirety. Third, please please PLEASE tell Julie Foudy and that other douche how to pronounce PETR Cech. The same thing happened at the World Cup and they've had two years to get it right. I mean, isn't that why ESPN has interns???
That out of the way, let's turn to the opening matches...
Czech Republic 1, Alex Frei's Knee Ligament 0: Unlike co-host nation Austria, who are really really bad, Switzerland had high hopes of making a splash at Euro 2008. Those hopes pretty much died in a crumpled heap when captain Alex Frei went out with an injured knee ligament. Frei is definitely out for the rest of the tournament, and maybe longer (sorry Borussia Dortmund). The rest of the game was a typically tight affair for the group stage, and frankly Switzerland deserved at least a draw. Instead, it was Vaclav Sverkos who snuck past the defenders (*cough*Senderos*cough*) in the 70th minute for the decesive goal. Switzerland was especially aggrieved when an obvious handball in the penalty area was ignored. Otherwise, Cech made a few nice saves, and now the host country finds itself in real dire straits -- with no sultan of swing waiting in the wings.
Cristiano Ronaldo's short shorts 2, Turkey 0: You could tell that Cristiano Ronaldo meant business because his hair had even more pomade than usual. Yes, all eyes on the Ronaldo who doesn't try to pick up tranny hookers, and it only took 3 minutes of play for him to draw an aggressive foul by a Turkish defender. Turkey didn't really look that terrible, and maybe with a little bit of luck might've pulled out a draw or even an upset. Instead, Portugal played with poise and, in the process, scored twice and hit the woodwork three times. One of the near misses was an absolutely brilliant Ronaldo free kick that was met with a fingertip save. Given the movement on the free kick, Jens Lehmann might have a point about the balls being extra lively (settle down Daulerio and BBDrew). So, it was a night where Deco looked pretty out of sorts, Ronaldo's mind was busy thinking about earning 300,000 euros per week (after tax!) in Madrid, and Portugal still won convincingly. Turkey might be a darkhorse if they can win against Switzerland and Czech Republic, but they have work to do.
Other News:
- Scolari to Chelsea kind of makes sense to me when you consider that he's already coaching Chelsea's back four minus Weepy John Terry, and possibly Deco soon as well. I do hope that Scolari moves to the EPL -- his antics on the sidelines are high comedy.
- Michael Platini is a communist.
- Drama in Portugal as Quaresma struggles.
- Ibrahimovich may not be able to go a full 90 minutes.
- Daniel Alves lands at Barcelona (et tu Et'to y Henry?).
- And finally... it's your NSFW Euro 2008 WAGS slideshow. (Courtesy of the Sun, but of course!) link fixed -- boobies ahoy!.
I'll be sweating my balls off (easy) at Giants Stadium tomorrow along with a few fellow UF compatriots, but relax you will surely be in very good hands tomorrow.
(photos: goal.com)
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