David Bentley Will Be a Big Star...

...as long as Pekhart (seen leering in the background) doesn't kill him first.


Quoteth BBC:

Bentley sealed the win for Juande Ramos' team when Gareth Bale raced down the left flank, cut inside and his cross eventually found its way to Bentley for the easiest of finishes.

The preseason is the preseason is the preseason, as the saying goes. But there's nothing in the sentence above that I wouldn't mind reading over and again for the next ten months... or ten years if you'd allow me a midsummer's day dream. (To have Bale back and healthy-- for the moment-- is a dream. He is big, with pace and a clever left foot that makes one (me) think dirty thoughts.)

But the focus here is David Bentley and what he brings to this Spurs side. We all know he can whip in a cross; and that he may be the heir apparent to old Goldenballs on the right side of the England midfield; and that yes, he may be a bit much at times.

But this year, with this team, he is precisely what the doctor ordered.

The proverbial Boyhood Dream Move can cut both ways, a lesson us forlorn yiddos were taught in brutal fashion this week. It was Off with Robbie and on with The Bentley Era in the space of three days. And you know what, I've already convinced myself that it's all for the best. So let there be no doubt, whomever wears the band, this club flies or dies with David Bentley.

The 23-year-old was not 24 hours a Spurs man before proclaiming that his "heart is at Tottenham." It was a kind thing to say, whether or not you believe him. What's important though is that his locker is at Tottenham, and will be for at least the next five seasons. That Bentley came up through the Arsenal youth system is rubbish for the tabloids to feast on, and maybe even enough to earn him a few Ribbits when he arrives at the Emirates. What I'm feasting on today though, is the attitude. Finally a player who will speak up. Who will provoke. Who might complain. And not with his agent's tongue. Bentley brings some juice to a team that, for all its insistence on "young, English talent," has played with the collective demeanor of an old Italian club since Edgard Davids left the mix.

"It's all there for us," Bentley said yesterday morning.

Fuck yea, it is! (Even if it isn't...)

Read more on "David Bentley Will Be a Big Star..."...

Bucket of Gold 1, Rainbow 0

DON'T LOOK BACK

The deed is done. Tottenham's de facto skipper is off to Anfield after six stellar years at the Lane. It is a bitter day for us Spurs types. Guys like Berbatov are always on their way out, but Robbie Keane had become a club fixture, someone I truly believed would finish up in North London... the testimonial, the whole business. Silly boy I am. The feelings are hard, but I don't wish Keano any gruesome injury or disease. Failure, yes, but nothing like a degenerative knee condition or late onset asthma. And certainly not Jermaine Pennant.

For more on why I'm not angry please follow the jump.


You know Robbie, if you wanted a Liverpool tracksuit so frickin’ badly, I’m sure Mr. Levy would’ve gone out and fetched you one from the Adidas outlet. But there was more to it than that, I'd guess. Boyhood dreams— those lazy afternoons in the potato fields, with nothing but a picture of Kenny Dalglish and tin of Vaseline— and the £80,000 per week. The cash must have played at least a bit role in this loathesome affair? Kind of like Chris Cooper in "Adaptation." And lest we forget The Champions League Football, oh how you aging stars love the “the promise of Champions League football.”

As a Spurs fan, and UF’s singular pillar of Yiddo pride (though drawing strength from BerbaBent), I’m not gonna dooooo, what you all thiiiink I’m gonna do, which is, you know… FLIP OUT! No, I’m being quite clear-eyed, open-minded, and level-fucking-headed about this turn of events. Keano is gone, along with his hundred goals and all the boxing man bullshit. It’d be a waste to dwell on the purely sentimental, ya know, my personal shit— our near simultaneous arrival at White Hart Lane (He came over from Leeds in the summer of 2002. I had been there in heart and mind since the summer before.)

I liked Keane then, and did until a couple weeks ago, for a pretty childish reason. He scored goals. Yes, Gooners, this is something that some of us neanderthals still enjoy. In fact, I enjoyed Keane’s time at Spurs entirely because he scored goals. That is the point of the game after all. We all like a nice kick-around and some nifty footwork and passing, but in the end it’s about the goals. Ronaldo (fat and soon-to-be-fat), Beckham, Romario, Maradona, Pele, Chinaglia (forgive me), Best— all players with wide-ranging, breathtaking skill, but sharing a common thread. They put the ball in the net. This makes fans happy. Simple. Sentimental.

Keane’s a goal-poacher, as the saying goes, unfit to lick clean the boots of those guys listed above, but he can play a bit too. No wing force, as some Redheads would like to believe, but he’s got guile and some pace, enough at least to run Khalid Boularouz out of England. I expect he’ll be 60 percent the player Liverpool is expecting unless they get some support out wide. Robbie will be dreaming of Aaron Lennon after a couple months of Jermaine Pennant.

For the Juande and the Lads up the Lane, this is no shock and should not be treated as such. If Berbatov slithers off as expected, Spurs will be minus a vicious strike-force, but plus a fair sum of sterling. How that money gets spent will be the final chapter in this frustrating, but still unfinished course of events. The nattering nabobs on this blog promise me the cash will be splayed about with abandon. Panic spending (Pavlyuchenko!) More 5’7” wingers! It concerns me, no doubt. This team needs two strikers (to go with Bent, who will have his chance) another, bigger midfield player (Bentley, which should happen), and some defensive cover.

So as I told Lingering last night, with only the slightest bit of hyperbole, the Mona Lisa wasn’t shit until Da Vinci got around to those eyes and that smile. Hopefully Juande and Levy have some colors left on the board.

And a final note to you Scouser punks, as The Wolf might say: best not start sucking each other’s dicks quite yet, gentleman. There’s only ooooone Jermaine Pennant— and after that, not much else.

Read more on "Bucket of Gold 1, Rainbow 0"...

Moving Forward: The Quarterfinals Euro Trash: Quarterfinal Previews - Day 12

Separated at birth?

[Note: It appears we didn't do our daily Euro Trash, so this is it...sorry no links either.]

The group phase of Euro 2008 is now complete and the knockout stages commence today.

Only three teams could be considered surprise advancers, but even then Russia and Croatia were both darkhorse picks by many, leaving only Turkey (who it must be mentioned was Lingering Bursitis' darkhorse).

Portugal v. Germany:
Portugal advanced from group A with ease and will face Germany the runner-up in group B. Germany struggled after a dominating opener against a Polish side that proved completely unfit for the competition. The question here is whether Germany can regain its form or ascend to a greater form against the offensive firepower of Portugal. Surely, somebody besides Podolski or Ballack will have to show up offensively for Deutschland to test the mostly untested backline of Portugal and its weak keeper Ricardo.

Unfortunately, Jens Lehmann is not a German keeper to inspire confidence either. My heart roots for the Germans to make Ronaldo weep again, but my head says the Germans lack the quality to stop the stepovers of Portugal. 2-0 Portugal.

Croatia v. Turkey:
Croatia, the surprise winner of Group B improved greatly after an abysmal opening victory over co-host Austria will play against the cinderellas of the tournament, Turkey. The invaders from Istanbul crashed the quarterfinal party on the back of two come-from-behind victories over the Swiss and Czech Republic. The latter being one of the most amazing comebacks ever down 2-0 with 20 or so minutes left. Virtually grand larceny of victory from Czech Republic.

Both squads will be depleted due to injury and/or suspension, but Turkey will face the bigger challenge: their first-choice keeper is out on suspension after Jan Koller's judo fall. Croatia seems well organized and ready to party thanks to rock-n-roll coach Slaven Bilic. 2-1 Croatia.

Netherlands v. Russia:
Netherlands, easily the most impressive squad in the tournament so far, made a clean sweep of the Group of Champions, Group C, outscoring the 2006 World Cup finalists, France and Italy, 7-1, and defeating Romania 2-0. The Dutch will face a young Russian squad led by tactical grandmaster Guus Hiddink, who the Dutch may strip of citizenship if Russia prevails. (May not be true.) Russia advanced on the strength of victories over Sweden and Greece and has proven to be talented and organized, but not necessarily having the final touch of class necessary to be world class. Netherlands, on the other hand, led by Marco Van Basten have shown the world so much class on the offensive end that they could lend some to Portugal and still have been the class of the tournament.

Van Basten has an offensive juggernaut and appears to be of the mindset that the best defense is a good offense. Questions linger about the Dutch defense, but it so far has held up--bending but not breaking--against some quality frontlines. 3-1 Netherlands.

Spain v. Italy:
The final quarterfinal matchup pits Spain against Italy. Spain notched three victories, but appear to have regressed somewhat after the sterling opening 4-1 victory over Russia. David Villa leads all scorers with 4 goals, but Spain's offense, while star filled, appears to have some difficulty against an organized backline. Sweden proved Spain can still be bullied and may not be able to change its tactics when the short, quick passes are not unlocking the defense. Spain's defense has also been found lacking. See, for example, Sergio Ramos.

Italy, on the other hand, struggled to advance from the Group of Champions after the opening shellacking by Netherlands. The Azzurri go into this match missing midfield maestro Andrea Pirlo and midfield monster Gennaro Gattuso due to suspension. But, the real problem may be the fact that Italy's forwards can't score.

Luca Toni has been the opposite of George Clooney in sticking it in. Profligate doesn't even begin to describe his tournament so far. With literally dozens of chances, Toni has not scored after leading the Bundesliga with 24 goals, although he has one wrongly called back. Toni has been the focus of Italy's attack and it remains to be seen whether that will change.

Italy's offensive shortcomings have been overcome, however, by the magnificence of Gigi Buffon who has been nothing short of amazing in goal. He has kept Italy in this tournament. The rest of the defense though, does not appear to be as impenetrable as Buffon, making this game ripe for Spain's picking. I do think, though, Italy will recover its form and shape, making this the best matchup of the quarterfinals with a narrow 3-2 Spain victory with Torres showing his prowess at unlocking a big, strong backline.

That's the TFA quarterfinal preview and here is my Lindsay Lohan (quick and dirty) Euro 2008 rankings:
1. Netherlands
2. Portugal
3. Spain
4. Croatia
5. Russia
6. Turkey
7. Germany
8. Italy
9. Romania
10. Sweden
11. Czech Republic
12. Switzerland
13. France
14. Poland
15. Austria
16. Greece

Read more on "Moving Forward: The Quarterfinals Euro Trash: Quarterfinal Previews - Day 12"...

Tales of the Lovelorn: What's a Red to Do?

True love is achieved most often among men between that man and his favo[u]rite club. While the Gunners among us are heartbroken at the way our season has turned out, we console ourselves with 2 facts: (1) no one thought we would be any good this year; and (2) we are still a relatively young team. However, the Scousers among us have become quite despondent about their situation. Being mischevious and cruel, I snuck into "someone's" e-mail and found the following letter:


Dear Abby*,

Very recently I experienced extreme pain at the hands of my loved ones. I've never felt this low. I was beaten and abused for 120 minutes straight, unable to move, paralyzed with fear. They teased me with relief and happiness, only to snatch it away and leave me heart-broken.

The focal point of my loved ones, whom I shall call "Rafa", has an unusual sensibility. One moment he is a genius. The next? An abject disappointment. His moods and personalities are so inconsistent that I am often left confused and dissatisfied with the relationship. I mean, what about my needs? What about my happiness?

They give me pleasure one saturday, and misery the next.

Last night, it came to a head. I am a broken man. Tell me, what should I do? Do I continue to see these people, knowing full well that they never fill my heart with pride as much as I want them to?

What am I to do?

Sincerely,

Down-and-out Scouser in Manhattan


This plaintive wailing of an e-mail was met with the following response:

Dear "Down-and-out",

At some point you must decide how long you are willing to stay in an abusive relationship - to be beaten and paralyzed with fear for over 2 hours is an incredibly agonizing experience, and it sounds like this is not the first time this behavior has occurred. The fact that "Rafa" teased you with happiness only to take it away reveals an especially cruel streak, and says quite a bit about your loved ones. If he insists on treating you poorly by toying with your emotions, you must stand up for yourself. Let him know that you find his behavior unacceptable, and that you expect it to change if he wants to keep your support.

Dealing with someone who leaves you dissatisfied and questioning your own happiness, who makes you miserable on occasion, can result in self-desctructive behavior on your part. Do you often find yourself at a bar early on Saturdays, drinking as a way of dealing with "Rafa"? Do you continue to profess your love while "Rafa" turns his attention to others? You said yourself that feel as if "Rafa" will never let your heart fill with pride as much as you want it to - are you willing to live the rest of your life being disappointed? These are all questions that only you can answer.

I would like you to know that your e-mail moved me so deeply, that I feel compelled to sign off with my real name so that you may contact me personally if you wish to speak further. And please remember that the color red is an angry color, and may contribute to the passion (both good and bad) in your relationship. Perhaps you should find someone who looks good in blue?



Sincerely,
D. Moyes

*Not Abby Clancy, apparently.

Read more on "Tales of the Lovelorn: What's a Red to Do?"...

Strange I Can't Find 'Wilco' Listed Anywhere in the Table

Well if you got only shitty gifts for Christmas, you're a Scouser, and you're a Wilco fan; or if you're a Wilco fan and don't mind being mildly associated with Liverpool, you might want to treat yourself to this.



I've sketched out the Venn diagram. That's six people willing to pony up the $16. And I think five of them blog here.

Maybe the band is trying to encourage rioting at its shows. Toughen up its image.

Although I'd recommend bringing Jay Bennet back instead (Sorry Nels, you've got serious skills, but you kind of made "Via Chicago" sound like a Steely Dan song live).

Read more on "Strange I Can't Find 'Wilco' Listed Anywhere in the Table"...