Wednesday, April 1, 2009


In a spectacular move yesterday, the ICC International Cricket Council announced that baseball bats and baseball pitching would finally be allowed in World cricket. The echoes of joy from America could be heard in the Premier League cricket grounds of Pakistan and at Headingly, the amazing, ginormous (17,000 capacity) home of Yorkshire county cricket. For many years now, disgruntled baseball players, irked at the ridiculous drug testing policy and small salaries that MLB has offered have been looking for a way to join the cricket revolution. As you know, Cricket is the fastest growing sport in the World and it's hard to drive by a park in Texas or old Lacrosse field on Long Island without seeing budding young cricketers practicing their googlies. The streets of Brooklyn are filled with wayward 4's and screams of "HOWZAT".

One player who said he would immediately look into joining a team in Pakistan is Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez. Frustration with his modest contract and persecution by the media over the small, trivial matter of taking steroids has made the Yankees slugger bitter at Americas pastime.

How A-Rod might look on the practice field.

I have always dreamed of playing in Pakistan, to be able to hit a 6 instead of a solo home run will allow me to surpass the all time run records much sooner than I expected. - Alex Rodriguez, NY Yankees.

Another player keen to swing his Louisville slugger at the red leather is veteran Gary Sheffield. Just released from the Detroit Tigers, Sheffield has had a storied career in baseball. He now feels at 40 that his chance for glory could be upon him.

It's kind of a surprise being released, but now I have the opportunity to try my luck in the World of International Cricket. I've hit 499 home runs in my career but that will mean nothing to me when i connect with my first 6 against the likes of such cricket giants as Glamorgan - Gary Sheffield.

From the Angels to the A's and from Texas to Toronto, players are looking to escape their contracts in efforts to become the next big star of World Cricket. One pitcher who has feigned an injury in order to take a few days off to see if he could 'find the wickets' with his pitch is Los Angeles starter John Lackey. Lackey even had a painkilling injection to make sure his attempts at fulfilling his dreams stayed secret.

Speaking from his newly built underground Cricket center, Lackey spoke freely, unaware of the hidden microphone attached to my nuts.

I've been practicing for a few days now and my fast ball finds those wickets every damn time. Watch out Khurrum Manzoor, I'm coming to getcha! - John Lackey.

A Hero's Welcome!

It is unclear how many baseball players will leave America to join the galacticos of such mighty cricket teams as Warwickshire and Somerset but one thing is for sure, get those teapots ready England. Prepare the cucumber sandwiches and order more stumps, the fastballs of the baseball world are on their way. Get ready Pakistan and make way Sarfraz Ahmed, the Bagh-e-Jinnah Stadium no longer belongs to you, it's now the home of former Kansas City superstar Coco Crisp.



Joep Smeets said...

im scared and confused

Goat said...

You had me up until Kansas City and superstar appeared in the same sentence.

phil said...

@ Goat: Not a George Brett fan?

Bigus Dickus said...

@Georger. Damn, I always go too far!

Goat said...

Bigus--I'm sorry, did you just confuse me with Georger?

ü75 said...


Bigus Dickus said...

@Goat. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. Yes I did. You see, Georger is a goat so I just got a little confused. Sorry old chap.

Goat said...

u75--separate we're useless but when we come together to form Goatger, we're unstoppable.
Bigus--no problem, I sometimes confuse you with Smallus Wangus.

JT said...

It's alright Goat, his wife does the same thing all the time