Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Loose Lips Sink Marginal Young Football Careers

Thank god for football. Without it, we might still be caught up in the insane notion that the English are even a modicum more intelligent or classy than us, Il Brutto Americani.

I understand that your average professional footballer has never been held in high regard by the Limey intellectual classes, but the actions of this blustery young buck, Ashley-Paul Robinson-- formerly, reports have it, of Crystal Palace-- are worthy of a special note.

Defying the impossible standards of the 21st century athlete, Robinson has managed to captivate us with the particular indiscretions that led to his summary dismissal from Neil Warnock's Championship contenders.

The highly-rated-enough-to-get-a- clandestine-call-from-Fulham winger went behind the backs of his bosses at Palace for a workout with Bullard and the Boys, hoping for a transfer push into the top flight. Nothing wrong with that of course, it's the nature of the game. But there was one other issue...

More concerned with Pussy Galore than pulling off a 007-esque sweep into Craven Cottage, Robinson delivered a running Facebook status commentary on his trials.

From Saturday:

"Ashley-Paul is goin fulham on monday. If i pull dis off im on dis ting."
From Sunday:
"Ashley-Paul is travling 2 Bath With Fulham Fingers Crossed.(Im lukin 2 Get Sum Tips Of Jimmy Bullard He's ON DIS TING NO HYPE LOL"
And finally, after the milk had spilled, no crying:
"Ashley-Paul has been very naughty lol!"
LOL indeed, mate!

Said Neil Warnock, after expressing his disgust and releasing the 18-year-old: "We feel it's probably better that he looks elsewhere to further his career."

MySpace, perhaps?


The Fan's Attic said...

They say to never trust a man with two first names. Well, never trust a man with two first names, one of those being a woman's name.

Keith said...

Arsene almost signed him, but realized that he was a) too old and b) British.


Lingering Bursitis said...

Keith, I appreciate you staying on top of that

Keith said...

Given all the misses I had in that transfer post draft I sent to UF HQ, I figured I should be on top of something easy, like Arsene jokes.

The Fan's Attic said...

I figured I should be on top of something easy, like Georger's mom

Mike Georger said...

hahahaha man i didnt seem that coming TFA, well played

this guy brings up an interesting question, why dont english people speak the fucking language? americans get shit for our slang but as far as i can tell from this and reading english forums, the slang they have is essentially like listening to brad pitt talk in snatch.

worst country ever

Spectator said...


I think it's because English footballers don't see the inside of a school after they make it onto an academy team. Even "proper" Englishmen like John Terry are dumb as bricks.

Keith said...

TFA's on dis ting

Andrew said...

How many more posts may we expect with the "Jimmy Bullard looks like the guy who died from AIDs in Trainspotting" taglines?

More, I hope.

Bigus Dickus said...

I is on dis blog ting....fo real.