I Don't Know How These Guys Are Laying Off These Pitches

I feel like Harry Doyle.

"One hit? We only got one goddamn hit?"

The future came to us last week with a message. "Lots of scoring." It was wrong. Maybe it meant I was supposed to get laid a lot last week, in which case it was still wrong.

Thirty-four goals. That's what was in the cards for match day 24. Instead the total scoring was on par with the average daily temperature I've endured for the last week. Count 'em up. I got 14. That's a solid 20 shy and it's also fucking cold.

One right, we got one goddamn game right: 2-0.

That's the score. It's either Man U v. Portsmouth or Sunderland at Birmingham. Everything else was off. Way off. Not even hand grenades close. We had lots of 3's and 4' and it reality it was lots of 1's and 0's.

So I'm not going to bother with the other 8 fixtures.

Instead I'm going to bitch that the Gunners have to go to Manchester to play Citeh (where I believe they are still undefeated) 48 hours after they pick up a competent striker in Benjani.

Meanwhile, without even looking at the fixtures, I'm going to guess that Chelsea is playing at Stamford Bridge against a club that just sold it's biggest offensive threat to foreign league for a bag of magic sand.

This weeks predictions are chasing last weeks scores. And there won't be much scoring. Hopefully, it is again wrong about my romantic prospects for the week.

0-0
1-1
2-1
1-0
0-1
1-1
2-2
0-1
3-1
0-2

We'll check back in on Monday. Not so much to see if these predictions are any good, but more to count the remaining live bodies left around these parts if that last item on the list is for the Liverpool v. Sunderland match.

[Update: Arsenal kicks at what time? Fuck.]