If Maradona Could Turn Back Time

From the Department of Apologies That Are a Day Late and a Dollar Short comes Diego Armando Maradona. In an interview with The Sun, which I am told is the British equivalent of The New Republic, Maradona apologized for his infamous Hand of God goal, more than 20 years after his illegal use of hand helped Argentina defeat England in the 1986 World Cup,

But wait, he didn't apologize! Maradona said,

"If I could apologise and go back and change history I would."

Operative words being "if I could". That's almost as bad as the Andy Pettite non-apology! Maradona continued with a heavy sigh and his best attempt at "wistful",

"I cannot change history. All I can do now is move on."

Maradona also expressed regrets over his cocaine use, claiming,

"If I had never touched cocaine I would have been three times as good a player. There would be no debate about who was the best footballer the world had ever seen — me or Pele. Everyone would say me."

A cynic would suggest that it's all too easy for Maradona to say "sorry" when he's been enjoying folk hero status all these years. And an armchair psychologist would suggest that the same personality traits that drove him to cocaine addiction probably also gave him the drive to become a great athlete. You know what? I am a cynic and an armchair psychologist.

For what it's worth, I dislike Maradona much, much less than I did in the past. As a media figure, I'll take Maradona's provocations (his interview on the History of Soccer DVD is an absolute gem) over Pele's polite stupidity any day.