Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Liveblogging for the F*ck of It

The Magpies visit the Emirates in a rerun of a 3-0 FA Cup pasting over the wekend. The Gunners are undefeated at home and Newcastle still has yet to score a goal under Kevin Keegan. Should be a laugher, right? Eh, I've got a bad feeling about this. Like a Birmingham City 1-1 draw kind of bad feeling. Rosicky was doubtful, the backline is thin and has been suspect after being depleted by the Cup of Nations. Kick in a few minutes. Explitive-filled updates will come after the jump

Guners in a 4-4-2. No Rosicky. Eduardo and Adebayor up front. Someone tell Alain Smith that Fauxhawk = Douchebag.


2nd Minute: Nice ball to Adebayor, if he could have controlled it he would have had a great shot on goal. Arsenal is uncharacteristically playing long balls.

Well, fuck, I can't get the 'jump' fucntion to work again. I don't want to hog the homepage though. Oops. Newcastle is keeping evreyone back and only pushing forward slowly. Nice counter by the Gunners.

9th Minute: Fuck. Diaby down. And Clichy limping. Gunners are going to run out of bodies by half.

12th Minute: Fucking sweet move by Eduardo, but a crap cross to no one in particular. Wasted.

If that's a challenge Ian, then accepted. When did Michael Owen start looking so fucking old?

17th Minute: Nice cross from Hleb, headed into the ionosphere by someone in red.

The long strides. The boney knees. The cornrows. The offensive threat. Adebayor is the Randy Moss of the EPL this season. Wonder if he runs over cops in his spare time?

20th Minute: Yellow for Hleb.

Someone tell Kevin Keegan that you have to score to win. Smith collects his 3rd whistle in about 26 seconds. Nice work.

I swear Newcastle has packed 16 people into the box. Yet Arsenal is still getting cracks at the edge of the 6 yard.

26th Minute: Nothing happening.

I'm warming to Eduardo, but man, that guy cannot stay wide. Ooh... Nice pressure from Adebayor. Forced the keeper to give a corner.

29th Minute: Oooh.. Owen looked onside. And he had a clear path to Alumnia. Shit... great cross from Sagna on the counter. Two people in the box. Again put high and wide.

31st Minute: Some really pretty football yields nothing. Might have been a handball on N'castle.

Barcary Sagna is really not an attractive man. Wonder what kind of ass he pulls.

Someone get Cesc Fabregas a time machine so he can go back to being the terror he was before the injury. He hasn't done dick since the December doubles.

38th Minute: Shay Given looks less comfortable than Harvey Firestein at the RNC. Adebayor just skies one that should have been netted. Fuck.

40th Minute: And I like my Randy Moss analogy even more. BEAUTIFUL cross from Flamini and Adbeayor nets it. His 19th of the season. Man is on fire and I am glad that Togo sucks total ass at futbol.

44th Minute: Nice response from Newcastle. Nicer clear from Flamini... and we're on a counter. Too high from Clichy. Dick. Gunners had numbers in the box.

46th Minute: Owen again on the edeg of being offside, but forces Almunia to come way out. Whistle.

Half: Could be similar to the weekend's match. Now that Arsenal have a goal, the Magpies are going to have to attack more. Provided the defense can hold up, the Gunners should be able to get one or two more on attack. I'm being greedy, but I'd like to think the win is likely and that Arsenal can go to work on the GD with Man U.

Linesman was replaced by the 4th official. Wonder what happened.

Second half kick.

46th Minute: Diaby killed a good early chance by being indecisive. Pass the ball to fucking Adebayor. It's working a lot, so maybe make that a default response. kthnxbye.

Holy crap. Newcastle looked downright competent for a few passes there.

49th Minute: Long ball. Owen offside.

50th Minute: Someone levels Eduardo. No whistle. Smith misses from point blank on the counter.

And another point blank chance for Newcastle, but the ball just sits there. Newcastle still not familiar with the concept of scoring.

51st Minute: Magpies seem to want to finally make a game of it. Thanks for showing up finally, guys.

52nd Minute: That would have been the most sensational goal ever. Instead it was just Adebayor falling on his ass.

Diaby shot wide.

Maybe Owen thinks you get points for being offsides.

56th Minute: Flamini puts one halfway to Slough. How on earth did he manage to shoot that so wide? Joey Barton comes on. Emirates boos him lustily.

58th Minute: Senderos is going to be the death of me. Shitty clearance gives Newcastle a chance. Owen follows it up by being offside again.

Sagna wins a corner. Near post. Cleared.

Newcastle playing well enough that I have to watch and don't have enough time to be snarky. Fucking pricks.

Too much weight from Hleb for Eduardo. Almost... dammit.

63rd Minute: Nice series from Arsenal. Save on the sideline. Great tackle. Good run. Nice cross, but ultimately Flamini is still white and not fast enough to get to a rebound.

Arsenal looking a little shakey in the midfield. Not something I think I'd ever type. Newcastle is getting possesion. Enough to keep it interesting. Still can't finish. Or even take a shot at finishing.

Fucking work call... "Do I here British people in the background.?"

60th Minute: Owen looked to be offside, but I think he tricked it up by actually fouling before the ball was played.

And Bendtner looks to be coming on. This could be Newcastle's best hope.

71st Minute: Bendtner on. Eduardo off. So Abedayor's got someone to headbutt. I'm starting to get the "Arsenal is going to rue wasting all of these chances" feeling.

72nd Minute: Holy fuck. There's no defense for that. That was beautiful from Flamini. Given could only watch.

74th Minute: Nice effort from N'Zogbia and it gives Newcastle a shot. They might be pretty much dead, but they're not rolling over.

Bendtner give away at midfield. Apparently Owen was booked when Flamini was celebrating. No reprt on what for. Flamini almost had another run. Given way out to clear it.

77th Minute: Sagna is just a bulldog. Shuts down a run. Then makes a play to win a throw in. Gilberto is coming on. Diaby off.

Adebayor offside by a good solid postal code.

Give Keegan some credit. He's moved to what looks like a 3-4-3. So he's pushing people up. Maybe credit is another word for stupid though.

80th Minute: CESC! 3-0 Fucking finally. And it was actually a nice assist from Bendtner.

That was VERY close to offside, but Bendtner settled a long ball very nicely then just flipped it over to Fabregas who had his pick of which corner to tuck it into.

82nd Minute: Huge applause for Adebayor as he comes off for Walcott. Walcott will get some time up the middle.

Gunners keeping possesion in the midfield. Wasting time more or less.

Whoa... Senderos caught up to a brother there. Huh? He really has those kind of wheels?

LATE challenge from Carr. No card? Really? That could have been ugly.

86th Minute: Cesc skies what should have been number 4. That ball went all the way across the box.

Free kick for Magpies right at the edge of the box. Almunia I need the clean sheet for my fantasy team.

Don't know if he tipped that or it just hit the crossbar, but that was inches from 3-1.

Break on the counter. Walcott holds it too long looking for someone in the middle. Then makes a poor cross to Bendtner.

Nice tip up from Bendtner and Carr almost OG'ed it.

90th Minute: Three minutes of stoppage? Really? How?

Holy crap. Defensive lapse almost gifts a goal. Almunia makes a quality save to keep the sheet clean.

Last chance for Newcastle and Smith wiffs. Whislte. Gunners are top of the table for now. Sweet.

Oops. Far more updates than I had planned, but, eh, I got into it. Newcastle actually did a good job of coming out after the half and trying to make a game of it, but Flamini's strike was super sweet. Given had zero shot. And that was pretty much it. Newcastle still sans goal under Keegan.


Ian said...

You are going to singlehandedly break the UF record for fucks in a single post. Excellent work.

JT said...

Daryl Murphy gives Blunderland the lead at home to Bongo FC, 1-0

JT said...

Aladiere gives Boro the lead over Wigan, 1-0

Ian said...

Is Fulham playing today?

JT said...

Fulham at Bolton, 0-0 at half-time.

badly drawn boykins said...

I've spent enough time in California to confirm that Togo also sucks at making sandwiches.

hockalees said...

Barton's on, eh?

Someone's getting bitchslapped... no one in red/white is safe. Nor is anyone in black/white for that matter. Joey takes no prisoners.

JT said...

Barton on a pitch is dangerous business.

Cesc's gonna feel his presence in about 10 minutes or so, if he hasn't already.

hockalees said...

We need another goal, dammit. 1 - 0 leads may be what we were "famous" for, but my heart can't handle it.

BTW, thanks for live blogging PR... this site is GREAT. Kind of like a Saturday afternoon on Deadspin without all the "soc-cer?" posts.

Ian said...

So when do the Keegan sacking rumors start? Right now?

hockalees said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
hockalees said...

Ade makes it 1-0

hockalees said...

Flamster's sweet cannon for 2 - 0

hockalees said...

Bendtner's banana shoes pass to Cesc and he nets it for 3-0

hockalees said...

Many thanks, PR, your live blogging beats the shit out of the stuff on BBC.com or Guardian Unlimited

Precious Roy said...

My pleasure Hockalees. Good stuff. Nice to be back atop the table even if it is only until the Mancs play tomorrow.

The NY Kid said...

HA! I picked up Flamini for this week, so I started Cesc, Flams and Almunia. I am a fookin' genius.

MoonshineMike said...

If Roy breaks the record for Fucks in a single post, is that an unprofessional post?