Much Have I Seen, and Much Have I Done, for I Am Lothar of the Hill People

Metro reject, clap clap clap clap clap

Oh look, it's Lothar Matthaüs, and he's saying something. What's that, Lothar? You're getting all Debbie Downer about Germany's chances in Euro 2008? Oh, Lothar, have you seen the kids play? They're good. And unlike the German sides you captained, they're actually fun to watch.

I think I've figured out Matthaus. He's that guy in college that you didn't really like but you still ended up hanging out with for some reason. You know, the guy who couldn't stand not being better than you at everything. He had no reason to be jealous, but he was so damn insecure and he needed everyone to know he was the shit? You'd sleep with the one hot girl on campus who hasn't hooked up with him, and the next weekend, he sleeps with her AND gets it on tape, just to one-up you?

Except Lothar is no longer the big man on campus, which makes not so much loathsome, but rather pathetic. You can almost hear his teeth grinding - he hasn't had a coaching job in Germany, let alone the German national team gig. It must've been especially painful to watch his FC Hollywood nemesis Jurgen Klinsmann hop off a plane from California and promptly take the Mannschaft on an unexpected run to the World Cup semifinal (and he must be even greener with envy, now that Klinsi will take over as Bayern manager).

It's not surprising that Matthaus hasn't found success as manager though. He was as poisonous in the dressing room as he was imperious on the pitch - if he can't influence a team on the pitch, what does he have? And I don't think it's a coincidence that Bayern finally won the Champions League trophy after he left, or that it was (again) Klinsmann, not Matthaus, who captained the German team that won Euro '96 he did win that one little trophy in 1990, but that was arguably the worst World Cup of all time).

It's silly to suggest that Germany isn't one of the favorites for the European Championships because of the absence of recognizable stars - he of all people should know that star power alone won't get you trophies if the chemistry isn't there. Or maybe he doesn't get it yet.