Confederations Cup Liveblog: Egypt-USA

Is this the day the US finally solves its problem up top?

Are you ready for some bloodshed? We feel the same as most of you that US Soccer needs a change at the top and at the manager position. Today may be the day that triggers one of these occurrences. But probably not.

USA, of course, are coming off of back to back red card laden losses against Italy (3-1) and Brazil (3-0). Egypt have been much more impressive, fighting Brazil to the end (4-3) and defeating Italy 1-0 on Thursday. USA are in the woeful position of likely placing 8th in the eight team field, which would happen if the Americans lose today.

But, it's not a total lost cause yet. With at least a three goal win today (and a heavy Italian loss), the US can still move on. Egypt, too, has a lot to play for and can advance by bettering Italy's result. Bigus will be liveblogging the Italy-Brazil match, so join us both in the comments.

USA: Guzan, Bornstein, Onyewu, DeMerit, Spector, Dempsey, Clark, Donovan, Bradley, Davies, Altidore.

Egypt: El Hadari, El Mohamady, Said, Gomaa, Fathi, Abd Rabou, Eid, Shawky, Farag, Abdel-Ghani, Aboutreika.

Guzan gets the unsurprising start in net, while the backline remains the same. Davies, who some like a lot more than I do, also gets the start while Torres continues to pay penance for prank calling Bradley's hotel room after the Costa Rica match.

Here's hoping El Hadary has a howler today to balance out the wonder match he had against Italy. Zidan is a notable absence for Egypt up top. I still know next to nothing about this team, so be on the lookout for my mistakes (and forgive them, it's Fathers Day).

Kick in 15. Bring your vuvuzela.

-5.00 Sign in the stands: "USA ready to loose", held by an Egyptian fan. My response:

Yeah! Take that!

-2.00 Surprise of the tournament so far: no cards for Michael Bradley. He's my call for today's USA red card.

0.00 Kickoff. Here we go.

2.00 Dempsey 8 games without a goal. Roy Hodgson would not allow that.

3.00 Abdelghany with an Egypt shot as DeMerit misplays the ball. Poor start, confidence wise, in the back.

3.00 Within the same minute, another dangerous chance for Egypt. Luckily, there was whiff from six yards out. This could get ugly.

5.00 NYK-Who knows? Maybe he's just dug his heels in and refuses to change. Dempsey's free kick from 30 takes a wicked deflection, but didn't have enough sting to get past El Hadary.

6.00 Rico Clark has a shot deflected out for a corner. El Hadary easily covers Landy's corner. Quick throw out is not controlled well.

8.00 I'd like to see Holden called up.

10.00 Clark is itching for anything. Tries a shot from 22 yards out and 10 yards wide of the goal. Goes twenty yards wide on the far side.

12.00 Dempsey gets called for a foul. Asks the ref what he is calling. Replay bears Deuce out. Free kick results in a scrum in the box. Egypt looked to have a couple of chances to slot it home, but USA scrambles it away. El Hadary gets a good save on the other end while I'm yelling at Harkes.

13.00 Shot was by Bradley. Outstetched hand of El Hadary palmed it away.

16.00 Donovan makes a great run from midfield, getting a diagonal ball from Dempsey. Landy gets past his last man, squares up to the keeper, and passes to no one. He was expecting Jozy to fill in at the back post, but Jozy checked to the penalty spot. A great opportunity lost.

18.00 Ooo-sa with better run of play so far, but Egypt with the better chances. There is some space behind the Egypt defense. The US just has to get there.

20.00 Donovan attempts a lob, it falls about a foot in front of the keeper.

21.00 GOAL Charlie Davies never gives up on a scramble. EL Hadary flops on a low cross, but it squirms free. Davies takes a couple of swipes at it and finally banks it in for the goal. 1-0 USA. BTW, I was about to call for Jozy off at HT, as he looks slow, but his play on the endline made it possible for Davies to get on the ball.

El Hadary's pride is bruised. Bring on the magic spray. Update:El Hadary's pride is bleeding out the top of his head. Kicked by his own player.

24.00 Honestly, he's been down almost three minutes. Get him off.

26.00 Still down. The US really needs this game to restart.

27.00 El Hadary up. Respectful clap given.

28.00 Brazil-Italy going to end at 0-0 if this scoreline holds up. Book it.

29.00 Donovan, playing out on the left today, picks up the ball at midfield, runs at everyone and almost beats El Hadary with one last dribble. He looks energized by having someone else score.

30.00 Fact: Johnnie Spector and Lucas Glover are the same person. Guzan pulls down a nice save off of a weak poke by Abu Trika.

31.00 El Hadary needs treatment again. He took off the wrap. Looks like the ref told him to sit, but he would not. Play goes on.

32.00 There has to be a better option than DeMerit. He's whiffed a couple of times on easy balls today.

35.00 Onyewu lucky to not pick up a "Onyewu PK call" there. Climbed over the back on a cross.

36.00 Deuce gives the ball away in midfield. This usually leads to a goal. Not this time, but close.

38.00 Egypt dove for a PK in the box. Should be a yellow, but no stoppage yet. Brazil up 1-0. Yellow Card Spector booked for, well, not much.

38.00 Egypt shot from 30 clips the top of the crossbar. Guzan late on it.

40.00 If I wanted to watch Brazil-Italy, I'd switch channels. Fuckers. As the US was attacking, no less.

41.00 Once again, Altidore can do nothing while the ball is near him. It's painful to watch and care. Get better, buddy.

42.00 Man, if Egypt counterattacked with any verve, they would be much more dangerous today.

43.00 Brazil score again. Need two more in each match.

44.00 Bradley whistled for a foul. Egypt are divers. They are very good at it, though, it's hard to see at full speed. Brazil up 3-0. That's shocking.

44.00 Is Italy looking to go home?

45.00 Davies catches up to a long ball and fires a left foot shot. Saved by El Hadari. Jozy gets the ball. Loses it.

45.00 Egypt go through if these scorelines hold. USA goes though with a three goal swing.

45.00 Onyewu cuts out a ball that was seeking out an open man on the penalty spot. Nice read of the play by Gooch.

45.00 USA with a couple of good looks in stoppage. Bradley pulls a DMB inside the box and misses out on a chance.

Tweet Tweet TWEEEET Half time. USA all over Egypt at the end. Game has had many swings in momentum. Both teams look good for a goal or two in the 2nd.

I would recommend taking Altidore out at half. Maybe Adu, but I would like Torres better. Push Dempsey up for 15 minutes to play behind Davies and see what he can do. If nothing, sub Dempsey as well.

One other thing--Davies has great speed. If Egypt find themselves having to push up, then look for the former BC Eagle to exploit the holes.

45.01 Here we go. We still need at least two USA goals and another +1 in a swing with Italy. Anyone thing Egypt will park the bus in the 2nd given that they are through at this point?

46.00 Guzan starting to get hairstyling tips from Friedel at Aston Villa as well, it seems.

48.00 Bornstein lucky to not get a card, I think. Yellow Card Bradley. Late. Not much to it.

49.00 Davies with a low cross to Jozy, who lets it run without a touch. Sub Eid off, Hassan on.

50.00 Once again, Hassan takes the armband from El Harady. That's just weird.

51.00 Very close for US. Gooch wins the ball and dribbles up. Passed it off to Dempsey who got clobbered after outletting. Ball runs to Jozy who shoots and deflects off the arm of a defender on the line. Possible PK, but not given.

53.00 I'll say it, since I have the floor. If your arm is away from your body, it should be called. His arm was away from the body and stopped a goal. Even if he knew nothing about it.

54.00 Sub Fathi off, Said on. Fathi got hurt when Deuce was taken out and fell on his leg.

56.00 El Hadary with another nice save from distance on Bradley. Why couldn't he get a concussion when kneed in the back of the head?

58.00 Egypt are doing a lot of standing around on defense. Us not trying too hard to break it down, instead shooting from distance. One good wall pass and this is opened up.

59.00 Gooch is having a beast of a game today. He is single handedly controlling the air in the box.

60.00 Altidore ole's a header. Sub, please.

61.00 Guzan saves an offside shot. He looks a bit like El Hadary on Thursday. Not letting anything past. Final Egyptian sub upcoming.

61.00 Sub Abdelghani hurt, off. Abougrisha on. Egypt out of subs.

63.00 GOAL Michael Bradley slides one home. It was a 1-2 between him and Landy. Let's go, motherfuckers, get another one and go through. 2-0 USA

65.00 Egypt are dead men walking right now. Still getting attacks, but really trying once they get in the final third. This is doable.

67.00 Hassan and Bornstein go head to head in the corner. Stalemate. Followed by another Egyptian offside.

68.00 Altidore sacks up and makes some pretty good moves on the end line. If only he could get the ball there every time.

69.00 Sub Altidore off, Feilhaber on. Deuce or Landy to move up? Looks like Deuce.

70.00 Davies starting to look a little gassed.

71.00 GOAL DEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. 3 fuckin' nil. Hey look, move Dempsey up, let's see what happens. There were a couple of players who could have put that cross home, Deuce did it. El Hadary just lost.

73.00 OOOO-sa. OOO-sa. OOOO-sa

74.00 Well, this is definitely interesting. USA are through at this point, but with 15+ to go, it's not safe here or there. Come on Brazil, don't let Rossi fuck it up for us.

75.00 Egypt attacking with purpose now. Clark butts one out of bounds.

76.00 Ball stuck in the middle. I'll take it.

77.00 Davies dives. No call. Time running.

78.00 Sure is a lot better playing 11 on 11.

80.00 Telling cross smothered by Guzan. No possession for US at this point.

81.00 NOOOOOOO. Not Casey. Do not want.

81.00 Sub Davies off, Conor Casey on.

83.00 Yellow Card Al Muhamedi throws an elbow to the back of Donovan's head.

84.00 Dempsey stays down after a challenge from Gomaa. Elbowed in the back on a header. No call. Looks like 2002 WC Mexico match with the challenges. Who is our Cobi Jones now?

86.00 US controlling more. Casey not so swell. Nervous.

87.00 Deuce has really picked his game up since being moved up. Cross for Casey goes for nought when Casey decides to hide behind his defender.

89.00 Corner for Egypt. Casey does something good and heads it away convincingly. Comes back in and Gomaa has the chance of the match for Egypt. Head it over from 6.

90.00 Other game over. 3-0 Brazil. Corner kick coming. Cleared away. 3 minutes stoppage.

90.00 100 seconds left. Egypt getting close.

90.00 1 minute. Egypt foul. USA looking to salt it away.

90.00 30 secs. El Hadary walks it to midfield and Egypt are offside. Amazing, really, when USA has so many back.

FULL TIME Fucking amazing. US do just what they have to do to go through. Who fancies a Spain-USA liveblog (and a third place match against South Africa)?

Read more on "Confederations Cup Liveblog: Egypt-USA"...

Confederations Cup Liveblog: USA v. Brazil

C'mon dude, finish your chances

Could it get much worse for the USMNT? The difficult loss to Italy was dominated by the New Jersey boy, and yet, this time, the US have no such straw man available unless we suddenly find out that Kaka was born in Kansas City.

Gut check time. Stand up and be counted. Can Bradley's Boys minus the terrier-like Ricardo Clark do enough to stifle this Brazilian attack? Can they get something against the sieve-like Selecao defense?

We could be in for a high-scoring game. I feel like if Jozy found his left foot somewhere amid his luggage, the US can score against Brazil. It's just a question of whether they can keep the scoring down in their half. To that end, the mantra is simple: don't give Kaka and friends acres of midfield space to shoot from distance.

Join us for the fun after the jump. Oh, and the vuvuzelas! We're not sick of those, right?

Preamble: Thoughts on the final score? I can't bring myself to watch the 30-minute pregame show, which will undoubtedly involve Rece Davis and Alexei Lalas using some ESPN technology to display their alarming lack of knowledge about what's going on. I also pray that Tommy Smyth has nothing to do with things today. He's like a cliche-ridden, clueless Irish vuvuzela.

Preamble: Of course, I relent and tune in. Harkes and Lalas are all over the lack of pressure in defensive midfield, and of course, they show the goals again. Not much xenophobic rage toward Rossi. Yet.

STARTING LINEUPS and BENCHES and such:
USA, USA, USA, USA (4-3-2-1 ish, maybe just a 4-3-3-): Howard - Bornstein, Demerit, Onyewu, Spector - Beasley, Kljestan, Bradley - Donovan (c), Altidore, Dempsey.
Subs: Bocanegra, Casey, Pearce, Davies, Wynne, Califf, Guzan, Adu, Torres, Feilhaber, Robles, "Clark" (he's suspended, but still listed).

THE SAMBA KINGS OF BRAZIL (4-1-2-1-2): Julio Cesar - A Santos, Miranda, Lucio (c), Maicon - Gilberto Silva - Felipe Melo, Ramires - Kaka - Robinho, Luis Fabiano.
Subs: Kleber, Elano, Victor, Daniel Alves, Luisao, Josue, Julio Baptista, Kleberson, Pato, Nilmar, Gomes, Juan.


I'll go ahead and say it; with the rather secondary string being run out by Gunga La Dunga, there's a chance of a draw here. Three new faces at the back, a midfield of mystery, although they naturally left in their three best attackers (though even that's arguable... no Pato sightings for more than 15 mins at a time?)

Preamble: There's been a bit of discussion in my brain lately about how the US can improve in international soccer, and I'm thinking they need to cut the bullshit regarding co-opting other countries' styles and try to define one of their own. After all, all nations have a style that's inherently theirs. Italy have catenaccio, Brazil have this kamikaze style, Germany have their ruthless organization, South Korea have superior conditioning to 99.99% of other teams.... USA needs one. What should it be?

It's national anthem time. We know the US one, natch... I'd never noticed before how jaunty the Brazilian ditty is. Sounds like something Sousa left behind on vacation. Or maybe a b-side from Peter and the Wolf.

I recognize this Swiss ref, Massimo Busacca, from somewhere. Champions League? Controversy? Someone do the research for me, please.

T-minus 1 minute: Jozy looks ready and primed to disappoint.

And we're off! Vuvuzela! US in all white, Brazil in Yellow and Blue. Me in shorts and an old Sonic Youth t-shirt now lightly soiled with baby puke.

2 mins: Ramirez hops inside Spector and gets impeded by Bornstein. The free-kick gets knocked into the box and Onyewu heads it out for a corner. Donovan nuts it away and Brazil foul on the loose ball in the attacking third. We get a reminder that Brazil scored three goals via the set-piece. Good to know.

@Tuffy -- you've got the right idea. I mean, how can the USMNT try all this quick passing and whatnot when they haven't nailed the basics? Coiled snake sounds good. Or maybe FDR's Big Stick thing.

4 mins: Robinho sighting! He was invisible during the Egypt match. Not that he just did anything of note. Just a quick close-up.

USMNT defending on their heels a bit. Some good passing down the right by Brazil, who have started brightly. Kaka wins a corner, but Robinho's delivery is tragically bad and US clear with ease. Still, all the action in that Yankee defensive third.

6 mins: Bradley with a foul/not-foul on Ramires, and Maicon delivers....

GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL, and credit to the US for holding out longer than New Zealand against Spain. Maicon's delivery is whipped right into the six-yard box, Howard stays on his line, and Felipe Melo nips around the back of Spector to bang it in with his noggin. Killer start for the Selecao. Not sure how much better the US could have defended that. Spector had zero chance. USA 0, Brazil 1

JP Dellacamera tries gamely to draw parallels to the Costa Rica and Honduras games in which the US went behind early in both and battled back. Has the mightily drunk JP noticed THE US ARE PLAYING BRAZIL??

@Whizalen -- it is not the Washing Machine shirt, though I wish it was. It's one from their Dirty/E.V.O.L days... a black shirt with white "Sonic Life" written across the chest and some big glowy cross thing beneath it that looks like it was drawn by Lee Ranaldo's child. I dig it though.

@Keith -- sorry Sir... I get my Roosevelts confused. I also get all the Jackson 5 members mixed up.

11 mins: Another dangerous free-kick whipped in but US head it clear... only as far as Luis Fabiano. He gets to the touchline and cuts back for Robinho, but his shot is whiffed on. Beasley put his defense in danger there with some sloppy play. That, coupled with Bradley's fondness for fouling, and it does not bode well. I eagerly await Donovan's pithy post-game comments dragging his teammates through the mud.

Also, someone noted in the comments -- the free-kick that led directly to the goal should never have been, but them's the breaks. Ramires sold it, and Bradley looked clumsy enough.

Brazil waste their 12th corner of the game. A couple of minutes ago, Landycakes had a bit of a run down the other end before being crowded out by four Brazilians.

15 mins: Naptime efforts to subdue my son have failed, and so I have acquired a sleeping baby across my chest while I rest the laptop precariously on my lap. Kaka ghosts behind Kljestan and gets to the touchline once again, but his cutback is blocked out for a corner. Brazil waste it, staying true to form thus far in this game.

Does the USA have a midfield?

@NY Kid -- fair enough. I thought Spector totally lost Melo, not that he wasn't physical enough. I guess that's even worse though, right?

18 mins: The USMNT finally get into Brazilian territory, with all the urgency of the fellas from Swingers trying to get to that party in the Hills with that chatty redhead and the bottle of Glenfiddich. It doesn't last -- Brazil break, 3-on-3, but it breaks down at the top of the box as Robinho and Luis Fabiano suffer a communication breakdown.

Really, at this point I'd just love to see a US player put a massive challenge in on someone, just to remind Brazil that they're actually playing another team.

Uh-oh... breakaway....

GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL, and some half-hearted attacking by the US gets 'em caught out woefully at the back, and it's DeMarcus again who's making the gaffe. He totally fluffs on receiving the short corner from Donovan. Brazil break with Ramires, and he squares inside Spector, the last man back, for Robinho, who has the easiest finish under a sprawling Howard. That's just fucking sad. USA 0, Brazil 2

23 mins: THE BRAZILIAN POTENCY HAS BROKEN THE LIVE FEED! Dellacamera and Harkes try gamely to keep things going. The US take a decent corner (not taking a short one again, I bet), but it doesn't amount to much. Brazil pour forward themselves and force Bornstein into a silly giveaway, but the US finally get it clear.


Seriously though guys, it's probably best we can't see what's going on right now? Right?

I wonder what's going on right now? Beasley has fucked up again?

WAIT! THE LIVE FEED IS BACK! NO MORE GOALS CONCEDED! It resumes like the game began, with Brazil in comfortable possession and the US just watching them knock it up down, side to side, up down side to side.

28 mins: This is just dire. Disjointed, desperate rubbish. US try to get something going with Donovan, Altidore and Dempsey, but it's easily broken up. Then Bradley gifts possession to Brazil in the midfield (deja vu, anyone?) and Luis Fabiano triggers an attack, eventually cutting outside and ending his best chance to shoot. His shanked effort took a deflection, didn't it?

We're fast approaching moral victory time. You can bet Bob Bradley is flipping through his Book of Sanitzed, Inoffensive Cliches with which to gee up the fans after 90 minutes. One wonders if he'll erupt like Bob Knight in the dressing room at half-time. Or at least have the balls to make a few lineup changes. Shit, Beasley should be shot out back and converted into glue.

@Precious Roy -- I reckon he wants the entire Everton backline. Leighton Baines, Lescott, even an ACL-crippled Jagielka. And Leon Osman in front of that lot would be nice too.

32 mins: USA win a corner! The big men amble up from the back. Decent delivery but it's nodded clear. Kljestan picks up the rebound and it's crossed in again, and headed away again. Donovan gets that rebound and finds Bradley, whose cross is also decent but is also headed clear. Then Gooch breaks up the not-too-bad passage of play by his countrymen by scything down Felipe Melo with a Barton-esque lunge and earning himself a yellow card.

35 mins: Bornstein gets stuck in and nuts Maicon in the face as they go for a header. No foul. Just good, fearless effort. Still, Brazil knock the ball around with ease. Only 52% possession for Brazil thus far? Really? What the fuck have USA done with their 48%?

A ridiculous dive by Gilberto Silva over Kljestan's leg challenge gets 'em another free-kick in US territory. They spread it wide, and when it does come back in, Robinho shoots comfortably wide of Howard's near post. The US clear, and it comes right back in the form of Luis Fabiano, who forces a decent save from Howard.

Seriously, did the US bring a midfield today? Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me... is there any midfield home?

38 mins: Maicon has a free, unimpeded run down the right and swings in a decent cross but there's nobody home. US counter with Spector cantering down the right, working hard to overlap Landycakes, but he's gassed from the sprint and turns in an abysmal daisy-cutter cross that Lucio sidefoots away from danger. Bit rubbish this.

Question of the Now: How will Bradley/Gulati/US Soccer spin this performance?

Beasley watches the ball in central midfield and fails to notice Maicon, alone on the right wing. Maicon gets it and puts in another menacing cross, but Gilberto Silva heads powerfully over the bar from 8 yards.

At this point, I'm more tolerant of the incessant vuvuzela drone than the play of the USMNT thus far. Utterly spineless. No tenacity or effort in midfield. More ball-watching than on a gay porn film set.

Brazil attack again with Maicon getting tons of work down the right, but no dice.

42 mins: Onyewu needlessly trips Robinho in the right corner despite having defensive help and the Brazilian seemingly trapped. Maicon delivers another neat cross, it flies over to the back post but whoever that was at the back volleyed it a mile over the bar. Seriously, memo to Bob Bradley: bench half these fuckers for life. I don't believe Sasha Kljestan has touched the ball yet (taking a throw-in doesn't count).

44 mins: Brazil knock it around on the right side as they begin to phone it in. Bornstein fouls someone and gives Maicon another free chance to cross. He does, but it's nodded clear in traffic. Wish some of these USMNT'ers would go and play in rush-hour traffic, so poor they have been.

One minute of stoppage time. Massimo Busacca is a merciful ref.

HALF TIME: USA 0, Brazil 2
Harkes reckons the early goals helped Brazil. No shit, Sherlock. They're probably not done scoring, either. Back in 10, when I've managed to get this sleeping baby to stay asleep in his less comfortable rocker chair contraption.

In the meantime, a poll ginned up by the NY Kid between wrist-slitting motions after his nation's dismal first-half effort.


Oh, and I can't help but point out u75's early comment about how DMB in the midfield means he'll be good. Though knowing the man, I'm assuming it was sarcasm?

Rece Davis calls it an "inauspicious start." That's perhaps the kindest possible way to say it in a way that won't get you fired and banned from doing live TV ever again.

48 mins: And I'm back, with a slight delay due to diaper-changing. US get a free-kick in Brazil territory but the Selecao clear.

Mercifully, a sub for USMNT: Beasley off (and presumably lying dead in the locker room), Conor Casey on.

The switch almost paid off; Casey found Altidore in the box, but young Jozy blasted his shot into outer space. Really should have done better. Should do better at shooting in general, considering he's a striker. Hat tricks against shit CONCACAF teams don't count.

49 mins: Better from the US. Bradley finds Bornstein out wide left, and his cross forces Julio Cesar off his line to collect. Not bad, that.

LB jr. is still lying asleep across my chest. Have I mentioned how difficult it is to breathe consistently with a 9lb child across your lungs? If I set him down, he'll scream and I'll probably miss the 3rd Brazil goal. Blogging requires maximum effort. Nothing but the best today!

51 mins: At the risk of jinxing, USMNT have learnt something at half-time and actually started pushing forward. Brazil are equal to it for now. Bradley fizzes a shot over the bar from 30 yards in an effort to match De Rossi's effort the other day. Same kinda position on the pitch.

You see a lot of shots of the turtleneck'd Dunga on the sidelines, barking instructions.. where the heck is Bradley? Shrouded in shadows and guarded by Satan's minions? Or perhaps hiding under an umbrella a la Steve McClaren?

Spector can't reach a long pass down into the right corner, and Brazil collect themselves. Donovan then fouls Robinho quickly after the restart. The US are pushing more, and will leave themselves open to the counter now that their wing-backs are galloping up and down the flanks from box to box.

As I type that, Brazil do break; Luis Fabiano lays off to Ramires in the middle, and he finds Robinho unmarked far left. The Citeh striker takes a touch and tries to bend it in top corner, but Howard's tall enough to leap and grab.

Jozy slips on a US counter as Bradley tries to play him onside over the top. Bit of a metaphor for the US efforts thus far today.

55 mins: Kljestan completes the double-play of losing the ball and then putting in a nasty foul on Ramires. Busacca waves advantage and play on, which Kaka does. He trots towards goal, creates some space and shoots, forcing a good save from Howard. Ramires is still down, and Dunga is mad as hell and is not gonna take it anymore on the sideline. On come the medics with the stretcher brigade.

Um, wow? Busacca gives Kljestan a red card for that shockingly late tackle. Bit harsh, that. But hey, cheer up, USMNT, you now have your greatest excuse should Brazil march on and score plenty more!

Which begs the question: just who is filling this US midfield for the final game?

@Steve -- thank you sir. I think I'm taking the Rossi approach and will groom him here before shoving him back to England to play for his daddy's country. Dual citizenship for the win!

Sub for the US forthcoming as Bradley takes his pre-game notes and strategy, smothers them with BBQ sauce, and devours them in seconds.

60 mins: Here comes that sub: Altidore off (booooo), Feilhaber on....... 4-4-1 time! Bradley is good at this substitution business. It's damage control time.

Brazil adopt the lion-playing-with-his-supper approach, content to bat it around laterally without much menace.

62 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL, and we will blame that on there being just 10 Americans left. Brilliant move by Brazil, cued by Ramires who has miraculously recovered. A lovely one-two between Ramirez and Kaka frees Maicon, who's had a good game, inside the box, and he shoots high from a narrow angle and through Howard's grasp. Good. Night. Nurse. USA 0, Brazil 3

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BIG IMPORTANT QUESTION FOR THE COMMENTS: Where does this current incarnation rank in comparison to other major eras of US Soccer? We're talking 1950 USA, 1990 USA, 1998 USA, 2002 USA... in history, where do we put this sorry bunch?
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65 mins: A nice flowing move by Brazil finds Maicon unmarked out wide, but no-one is there to meet his cross but Landon Donovan. I wonder if Landy wishes he had a German passport? He's seeing the best years of his generation wasted, ruined, etc etc loosely quoting Allen Ginsberg there.

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IMPROMPTU COMPETITION TIME!!!!!
67 mins: Time to channel your rage productively, folks. Gimme your best angry man longform unedited rant about US Soccer in the comments, and the best one, chosen by me, a self-loathing Limey, will win a random soccer book from my sizable collection of soccer books. It's also a cynical move by me to keep you all here, because no matter how bad the USMNT does today, you are absolutely not allowed to turn it off.
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69 mins: The vuvuzela orchestra finds another notch above "supremely irritating" as Brazil get on some subs. Kaka and Luis Fabiano off, Julio Baptista and Nilmar on.

Possible chance for the US there, as Donovan's free-kick from wide left is whipped in menacingly, but Bradley cannot rise high enough to meet it with his forehead. Goal kick to Brazil.

72 mins: Final sub for Brazil: captain Lucio off, Luisao on.
Another Brazilian free-kick is floated right into the thick of the box, but Howard comes out to gather. Still, Brazil have possession immediately from Howard's kick.

Onyewu hoofs it long for Conor Casey to chase, but he's never reaching that. Goal kick, Selecao.

76 mins: The 75th minute comes and goes without that moral victory goal by the US that Ebullient Fatalist was predicting (see: 10.21am)

Brazil knock it about with ease. Dempsey's tried hard in midfield but has absolutely no help. As much as I loathe him, Donovan's run just about every blade of grass today too, although with little to show for it.

80 mins: Howard collects another cross/shot and throws out, cueing a bit of a run down the right with Donovan. He finds Dempsey, who gets it back to Landy wide. When the return pass comes back in, Dempsey just about keeps possession until Julio Baptista chops down Feilhaber. From the free-kick, USMNT pass it forward a bit and Feilhaber shoots into that proverbial Row ZZ from 35 yards. Dour.

83 mins: ALMOST THAT MORAL VICTORY GOAL! Spector's been pretty good today, and he overlaps Donovan on the right and the pair of them start something; Spector megs his marker to find Donovan at the touchline, he cuts it back for Spector who finds Feilhaber at the top of the box, but Benny's shot whizzes against the underside of the bar and somehow stays out (though it coulda been in, we have no clue and no-one contested the call). Then Brazil, in a cruel twist, counter with a 2-on-1 and almost score a fourth via Julio Baptista, but his final touch lets him down and Howard falls on it.

You have to think Bradley will name a completely different XI for the final group game, just to try some things out, right? Or will he stick with his preferred lineup in the hopes they can claw a meaningless draw with the Egyptians?

87 mins: Dear God, just end this already.

Dempsey wins a free-kick as he knocks it past Luisao and gets barged down. Think Donovan is taking it? What difference does it make?

89 mins: COULD HAVE BEEN 3-2 IF THE FIRST ONE COUNTED! Donovan's delivery is nice, and Conor Casey ploughs a header off the crossbar. Bradley looks upset on the sideline, the first time I remember him being off his feet and on camera all game long. Now he has three things -- the two crossbar shots and the dubious red card -- to use in an attempt to save his job after the game.

LB Jr is waking up, and I'm glad he stayed asleep for this entire game. His tiny, impressionable mind should not have been subjected to this horror show.

90 mins + 2: Brazil have a free kick front and center some 20 yards out, and they spend an eternity lining it up. Can this be the last action of the match? Julio Baptista winds up and boots it a mile high and wide. He's rubbish.

Bradley then blasts one over the bar. BLOW THE WHISTLE.

FULL TIME: USA 0, Brazil 3
Thank the gods that is over. My internet crapped out for a minute there, and LB jr finally woke up, but shit... an awful morning's footy if you are a US Soccer fan. I can guess that most of you who were pre-game aren't now.

The US needs a complete overhaul. Like Norwich. Like Newcastle. Rebuild this shit from the ground up. Dead weight needs to be cleaned out.

Not sure if we're liveblogging this afternoon, or who is doing it, but I'm hoping we do. In the meantime, go enjoy a liquid lunch. Hearing Bob Bradley being interviewed makes me wish I had a gun that would reach from my couch to that pitch.

Thanks for playing along, folks! You were all excellent. I was hoping for some rants though. That wonderful soccer book is getting returned to the bookshelf until our next impromptu commenter competition!

Read more on "Confederations Cup Liveblog: USA v. Brazil"...

Moral Victory

We talked a bit below about the moral victories of the USMNT with regards to playing the big names well in big tournaments. I can exclusively reveal (as much as anyone can that's citing a newspaper article) that the US has already secured a real victory against Giuseppe Rossi's Italian team in 2009 that will carry into 2010.

We stole their home.

In a move that strikes me as just a little presumptive given the USA's away form in qualifiers thus far, the USMNT has secured their hotel and training spot for South Africa next year. And yes, they stole it from under the noses of the Italians who are staying there for the Confederations Cup and presumably looked to secure it for next year. Take that, baby thieves!

Here's what the entrance to Southdowns College training facility looks like right now

Ha ha! Eat it, Eye Ties. You won't be able to use that next year

Presumably, it will be changed for next year.

As the linked article points out, if the Italians do want to use the hotel and training facility, all they have to do is wait out the group stage. Give it three games and the US will be going home.

Read more on "Moral Victory"...

Pink Floyd and Barack Obama Join Forces to Thwart Chelsea

Roman Abramovich.... Ha, ha! Charade you are.

Anyway, that's the Battersea Power Plant, famous mostly for being on the cover of Pink Floyd's Animals. The plant, and not so much the band, is relevant as there's land near there which might be the center of a tussle between CFC and the US of A.

The president of the United States doesn't care what happens to you. If "you" in this case happen to be the owner of Chelsea FC. So just zig zag away, bitch.

From the Daily Mail:

US President Barack Obama might have the final say on the location of a new Chelsea stadium. If the club decide to move from Stamford bridge, a site in Nine Elms near Battersea Power Station has been identified as an option.

But the US Embassy in London are further advanced in their plans to relocate there from Grosvenor Square, which will depend—because of the cost—on Obama. And if he gives the embassy move the green light, Chelsea will have to look elsewhere.

We'd love to tell you more, but that's the extent of the Daily Mail's reporting. It wasn't even dated, just one of those disembodied "related" blurbs sitting on the bottom of a page. So we might be exceeding the limitations of excerpting for fair use, but we're not sure how to quote any less, short of maybe removing the articles and just say we're paraphrasing.

Oh Roman, don't you know that you've got to strike when the moment is right without thinking. On the bright side, at the rate your wealth is evaporating, you mightn't have to worry about a new stadium for quite some time.

Read more on "Pink Floyd and Barack Obama Join Forces to Thwart Chelsea"...

Picture pages

It seemed like a good day to put some short posts together.

Some girl named Sarah put up a post with pictures of her favorite USMNT players. Oh, that's Sarah from the comments? Oh, okay. It's actually the best post like this we have ever seen. I don't know where she got the picture of Sacha Kljestan (actually I do, it's watermarked), but I've never seen him so clean.

Also, it seems that Sarah is spending the next semester abroad. We don't know where, but we wish her the best. Also, Sarah, if you come across any good stories while over there (wherever that is), please use the tipline!

[...and Sarah Clapped]

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USA! USA! USA!

As you surely know by now, we are taking a brief break here at UF to enjoy the 4th of July festivities. Why did I write this post, then? Mind your own business, you ingrate! I simply thought that, in light of the wonderousness that is the United States of America, I would take some time out to opine on the boys that will be representing us next month in Beijing at the 2008 Summer Olympic games.

Who are these courageous lads, who will brave smog, food poisoning, and being spat upon by old Chinese women? Join me after the jump to find out.

Well, hurry up - you can stare at her later. Besides, it's not even proper etiquette to wear the US flag. She should probably take those off.







So, the lads are off to Beijing in a short while to compete against the best in the world in the 2008 Summer Olympics. What's that? Oh, well, yes. Technically it's true that these are U-23 teams so there will be some exciting players missing. And some countries don't care about the Olympics since they are more focused on World Cup 2010 qualifiers and the beginning of various domestic league seasons. So why should you watch? Patriotism, dammit!

The US was drawn into Group B with Japan, the Netherlands, and Nigeria. Interested in watching the games? We are playing Japan on August 7th at 5AM (yes, in the morning), the Netherlands on August 10th at 7:45AM, and Nigeria on August 13th at 5AM. Set the DVR!

The 18-man roster is not due until July 23rd, so these are some predictions for what that team might look like.

GK - Brad Guzan (Chivas USA); Chris Seitz (Real Salt Lake)

DEF - Jonathan Spector (West Ham United - EPL); Michael Orozco (San Luis - Mexico); Marvell Wynne (Toronto FC); Kamani Hill (Vfl Wolfsburg - Germany); Nathan Sturgis (Real Salt Lake); Hunter Freeman (NY Red Bulls)

MID - Maurice Edu (Toronto FC); Michael Bradley (SC Heerenveen - Eredivisie); Freddy Adu (SL Benfica - Portugal); Sacha Kljestan (Chivas USA); Eddie Gaven (Columbus Crew); Stuart Holden (Houston Dynamo)

ST - Brian McBride (rights to Toronto FC); Jozy Altidore (Villareal - Spain); Chad Barrett (Chicago Fire); Robbie Rogers (Columbus Crew)

The biggest question mark on this roster is Altidore, as this will be his first season at Villareal, and the club is under no obligation to release him for duty in the Olympics. We'll keep you updated in the coming weeks to let you know who will be representing us.

Now, get back to eating and drinking!

Read more on "USA! USA! USA!"...

Open Thread: Italy v. Spain & USA v. Barbados (2nd half Italy-Spain Liveblog)

Well, it doesn't look like any of us are available for duty to day, so please use this thread to amuse yourselves.

Suggested things to discuss:
Why a certain player will go to your favorite club and be awesome.
Why a certain player will go to your rival and suck balls.
How a crazed lunatic can pull a wife like to the right. (NSFW pic link)
Does Donadoni really look like Wayne Coyne or is it just me?

Lineups after the jump. Have fun and stay awake.

Italy-Spain 14.45 EDT (ESPN)
Italy: Buffon, Zambrotta, Panucci, Chiellini, Grosso, Aquilani, De Rossi, Massimo Ambrosini, Perrotta, Cassano, Toni.

Spain: Casillas, Ramos, Puyol, Marchena, Capdevila, Senna, Iniesta, Xavi, Silva, Villa, Torres.



USA-Barbados 15.00 EDT (ESPN Classic)
USA: Guzan; Moor, Califf, DeMerit, Pearce; Kljestan, Szetela, Bradley, Lewis; Adu, Beasley.
Subs: Seitz; Bocanegra, Onyewu; Thorrington; Shea, Barrett, Rolfe.

Barbados: Rouse; Neblett, Straker, Boyce, Skeete; Nurse, Parris, Miller; Ifill, McCammon, Williams.


46:00 Hello gents and ladies...I just got done signing my contract with Arsene Wenger and achieving fame and fortune like Nike promised.

Hopefully we will get a bit of excitement in this 2nd half.

48:00 Iniesta blew a wonderful chance when Torres picked him out in the box and David Villa dummied the ball. Iniesta was in on goal too. Woeful touch.

49:00 David Villa had a wonderful turn inside the 6 yard box after collecting a ricochet but dawdled on the ball allowing Chiellini to recover and block his shot.

50:00 Toni offside just barely on a Grosso cross. Just a shade off.

51:00 Spain dispossessed at half but Cassano plays a terrible ball on the break.

53:00 Spain on the break hits Villa on the right who tries to cross (shoot?) the ball but it was deliciously awful hit towards the stewards.

55:00 Torres had a chance after saving the ball on the touchline but the italian defender blocked the cross towards Villa in the box.

57:00 I'm not sure, but if Andy Gray ran into the ref on the streets, I think he would spit on him. Every call of his is bad and Gray is right.

58:00 Perotta off for Camoranesi.
Corner to Spain, Xavi over it...

59:00 Buffon knocks it out to Silva who shanks an open shot from 23.

Cazorla on for Iniesta. Fabregas on for Xavi.

Interesting change that really shakes up the middle of the pitch for Spain.

61:00 What a save from Casillas! There was a scramble in the box as the tree Toni managed to get a foot to the ball as Casillas came out, the ball dropped in the box with a brief scramble that allowed Casillas to get back in position as Camorenasi turns on the ball and Casillas pokes it away with his left foot.

64:00 After that disco in the box, the teams have taken a disco nap.

67:00 Disco nap over as Italy starts to push forward again with Toni drawing a free kick wasted by Camoranesi.

69:00 Panucci jawing at Fabregas for some reason. David Villa lines up over a free kick from 30...deflected off the wall for a corner.

70:00 Fabregas with the corner that results in nada.

Zambrotta feeds a nice ball to Toni, who is too tall for the Spanish defenders, who heads it but can't get it on frame.

72:00 Villa booked for a dive...but it looks like he lost his footing after standing on the ball for way too long. What a waste...

Replays show Torres shoving an Italian defender and the patting him on the face. Lucky he wasn't booked.

74:00 Cassano off, di Natale on...he didn't do a lot tonight.

75:00 The ref is really a nag...blowing his whistle for every little thing.

77:00 This half has been even more boring than the first half.

78:00 Torres with a lovely touch and had Panucci beaten but nobody was in the middle of the box and he wins a corner that Buffon punched out.

79:00 Senna rockets a free kick at Buffon who swats it away like a mosquito.

81:00 What a shot by Senna from 22, Buffon spilled and it only didn't go in the goal because of the post.

83:00 Ramos made his first good defensive play of the tournament knocking Toni off of a header.

Toni took the ball away from Grosso who was hard charging. Toni was trying to get a foot on it through some sort of bicycle kick.

85:00 Torres off for Guiza. Boo!

Unfortunately for Torres, the Spanish squad doesn't have the right talent to exploit his skills. Nobody will free him with a good ball and nobody supports him on his runs.

86:00 Guiza with a bonehead move. In the middle of the box with room he handles it. What a dunce. That was a goal.

90:00 So, immediately after Torres goes off the pitch, the Spaniards start feeding balls that are perfect for him to run on. You would think maybe his teammates don't like him.

90:00 +1 This ref has been snookered by the Italians. Every time they are down he makes the play stop even if there wasn't a foul. Toni just did it on a Puyol tackle.

90:00 +2 David Villa with a terrible touch on a great Fabregas ball. Villa had the ball in the box and turned it back into the defense instead of away to a left footed shot that would have been on goal.

That was really poor. Should have taken him off instead of Torres.

End of Regular Time.

No subs left for Spain and only one for Italy. Spain really needs to change their tactics because Italy is just packing the box.

91:00 Silva draws a foul from 24. Silva takes it...

92:00 Chiellini and Ramos tangle in the box, Sergio calling for a penalty and then Chiellini gets in his face.

93:00 Nice counter from Spain. Villa crosses it to Guiza who heads it to the middle to Fabregas whose shot is blocked but the rebound came to Silva who unleashed a shot just inches wide.

94:00 Whistle on Fabregas who kicks Chiellini in the bottom of the foot. That smarts.

95:00 Grosso tries to feed Toni in the box, but just deflected before Toni arrives...di Natale gets an excellent header that Casillas tips over.

96:00 De Rossi's corner is headed near post but over by Toni.

99:00 That was an amazing attempt by Villa. He had fallen down in the box but the ball was in his wickets and he somehow gets a foot on it to get it to the oncoming Fabregas, but he gets squeezed out.

103:00 That was some Spanish class as a Spanish fan grabs his crotch during a chant. Lovely. I'm sure Disney is very happy.

104:00 Guiza and Spain are desparate. Guiza has no creativity and just tries to lash one in when Buffon had the angles instead of trying to cross one to the middle.

End of First Extra Period.

We really need a moment of brilliance.

106:00 Back on.

107:00 Ramos whistled for kicking Camoranesi in the shoulder. Dangerous position at the corner of the 18. De Rossi tries to loop one in but nobody moved.

108:00 Del Piero on for Aquilani.

110:00 Silva releases David Villa but just a hair too far and Buffon is out smothering it. Corner. Nothing doing.

112:00 Cazorla booked for dissent when he should have had a corner.

This ref is awful. Stopping play again.

116:00 This game sucks hard, like Jenna Jameson.

117:00 Really, I can't tell you how much I am hating this match right now.

118:00 David Silva doubles Del Piero because he knows Ramos will get his jock handed to him.

119:00 Guiza has another wonderful off-target shot. if you want to strike from sea, at least hit the beach.

120:00 Cazorla takes a shot across the face of the goal but misses picking out David Villa who was running on free. Spain's wingers are awful.

End of Extra Time

On to PKs. Two of the top GKs in the world Casillas and Buffon. This could be interesting. Has Buffon already used up his PK luck with his Mutu save? Can Spain and Casillas finally prevail on PKs?

Mike Georger in the comments directs us to the Wikipedia page of Herbert Fandel, the ref. He is apparently a stunt-butt.

David Villa scores the first. 1-0 Spain.

Grosso hits a lovely one to the side net. 1-1.

Cazorla steps up for Spain and slots it lower right. Spain 2 - 1 Italy

De Rossi up and is stopped by Casillas. Lovely save by Casillas. Spain 2 - Italy 1

Senna up for Spain, and chips it into the top of the net...Lovely. Spain 3 - Italy 1.

Camoranesi slots it home top right. Spain 3 - Italy 2.

Guiza up for Spain...Buffon saves. Poor kick. Spain 3 - Italy 2.

Di Natale steps up for Italy and Casillas saves. Another great save. Spain 3 - Italy 2.

Fabregas up for Spain to send them on to the semis. Spain 4 - Italy 2.

Thank the lord. I don't want to watch another Italy game. Casillas was brilliant.

Spain will face Russia in the semis which should be a great matchup. Spain beat Russia 4-1 in the first match of the group stage, but Russia seems much improved. Spain also beats the June 22 hex and advances on PKs. Now if only Aragones can figure out how to use Torres properly with all the rest of his talent.

Thanks for stopping by, we appreciate your visits and contributions. The first semi

Read more on "Open Thread: Italy v. Spain & USA v. Barbados (2nd half Italy-Spain Liveblog)"...

Argy Bargy and and the English tailgate.

Sunday 8th June 2008. USA V ARGENTINA.

95 degrees. Hot dogs and a football. All of the ingredients for heat stroke or a heart attack you are saying to yourself. Not for us U.F'ers. Oh no. Mother nature will have to make me sweat more than I did yesterday and rain harder than she did last night to spoil my fun. She tried pretty hard...Bitch!

4.30pm. We pull into the car park (sorry..Parking lot) and immediately David Hirshey displayed his Cassandra complex bemoaning our location and the 10 min walk to the gate. "It'll take and hour....we'll die on the way....No one will find us.....The world will end". Packimo and I flip the boot (sorry..Trunk) and start to remove items from coolers as if we have some idea about what we are doing. All around us elaborate tail gate parties are taking shape. Tents are erected, chairs removed and opened, grills lit, flags raised and music switched on. Wow..just witnessing the effort involved for a couple of hours of 'hanging out' made me sweat. But we were not tailgating like those people... oh no. I am English readers. I wouldn't have a clue about any of that, you see I had 4 disposable grills from stop and shop and some cardboard spatulas made from a empty case of beer. Get in! It was a pathetic sight. Mini vans filled with years of BBQ expertise and experience passed by shooting pity in our direction.

The $2.99 grills were on fire. Beer was flowing. Header tennis was underway. All we needed now was people.... They came, they had a hot dog, they played football. They laughed at our grills. Where was Lingering Bursitis? This was his party. He arranged the trip. It was his cooler I was removing warm turkey burgers from. He had sent out 547 emails to ensure a smooth day out for all involved and worried like a teenage girl.

LB:"We just got off the bus...Where are you parked."
Me: "6 A Lingering. Right by the race track."
LB:"Ok mate see you in a minute."

Twenty mins later and Lingering had found his way to the other side of the stadium. He called from the Izod center, He called from the bubble, he called from this gate and he called from that gate. "Where are you?".

It took Lingering exactly 1 hour from getting off the bus, a mere 4 1/2 mins meander to our south, to finding us. He is the only person I know who would probably need a GPS unit to get himself home from the local pub. He should be ashamed! Still... Packard was attempting to bust the UF keepy up record of 6 and Krieg had just fallen over the ball for the tenth time so we were keeping ourselves amused. Incidentally the U.F 'tailgate tosser' award was handed to Krieg at 5.55pm when he aimed a pass in one direction and watched in horror as the ball ended up in the back of the car after taking out a disposable grill and 2 bottles of beer. He was banned from playing after that.

7.30pm. The game itself.

I don't hide my disdain ....ok I don't hide my hatred of Argentine football. The hand of god. That dirt bag Simeone. Let's face it we have history and I wanted no more from this game than for Argentina to slip up. The result was pleasing for the US contingent as it showed a distinct improvement but lets face it...What happened in the second half of this game meant nothing. The first half were the chosen 11. The best available to both teams and the choice of both managers.

Friendlies are designed to tweak your side ahead of competitive fixtures and then to use the second half to try out different personnel (who may be up for it but are not the first choice). This game was no different.

Argentina were fluid in the first half. They found space, they passed the ball and they created numerous chances. Tim Howard had an outstanding first half and his heroics saved team U.S.A from the long half time stroll to the dressing room 3 down at least. It was clear to see the gulf in class. Argentina played flowing football effortlessly. The USA had absolutely nothing going forward. Eddie Johnson directed a header goalwards in the 42nd minute. It was his first real touch of the game. Donovan was just as invisible.

Howard through the midfield, the US are not a bad team!... but they really have no ideas once they look for the final ball. Beasley has immense pace but never seemed to make it count. Whenever he had the ball wide he cut back in and played back through the middle. He seemed lost when presented with the opportunity to penetrate the final third. Almost as if he and Dempsey (playing wide right) had no confidence in the front two's ability to hold the ball and produce chances.

The Argentina fans started to 'ole' every pass after ten mins and this summed up the first period.

Half time 0-0.

The second half saw a number of substitutions, red cards and the absence of Messi. Argentina passed the ball around and enjoyed attacks on the break. They have two very important games coming up (including their big grudge match with rivals Brazil) and their second half performance showed it.

The U.S used their own subs including the young (yeah right) Freddy Adu. He joined his over rated colleague Donovan in producing nada. Donovan enjoyed possession in the second half and made several short runs before being stripped of the ball. He appears to have no understanding that he is in a team and greedily, naively, attempted to take on the defence belonging to the worlds best team. This may be effective when you are playing Kansas City but as he learned (or not) in the last World Cup this does not have any effect when presented with real defenders. Someone should share this info with Landycakes as soon as possible.

On the whole the U.S enjoyed a lot more possession in the second half and nearly stole the game when Onyewu rattled the crossbar shortly after the break. I couldn't help thinking that if they had two forwards that could hold the ball instead of waste it the midfield would have more confidence when attacking. This result will be satisfying for Bob Bradley but not with most Americans as the lack of shooting opportunities should cause real concern. They also failed to find the net in recent games against England and Spain.

Final 0-0.

Man of the match: Fernando Gago. He owned the first half. Every attack involved him, he moved the ball from one side of the field to the other and never stopped looking for space or passing opportunities. He sat deep and pulled the strings. At 22 and with only 15 caps this is one player to watch. He will soon be ranked as one of the worlds best for sure.

Knob of the match: The Ref. He really was a useless tosser.

-Bigus

Read more on "Argy Bargy and and the English tailgate."...

Streaker Does Playboy: Still Not Nude

You may remember back a couple months when a "streaker" interrupted the USA - Honduras U-23 Match. I use the term streaker loosely since she really only looked like a woman on the beach with a USA flag as a cape leaving her bra and panties on. The streaker, Tiffany May, was arrested, ID'ed, released, and now, of course, is posing in Playboy [Slide Show]. It is the American way after all.

After the jump, more sexy...Update: Now with video...

Unfortunately, the only thing available online at Playboy is not much more revealing than the shot above. The site suggest there may be more provocative pics in the subscription portion of the site.

But, this is the internet, who pays for porn on the internet?

Certainly not me.

I leave it up to you fair readers to uncover the real pics.

Big hattip to The Offside Rules for finding the story.

Update: Lucky for you readers, I am a clever sonofabitch and figured out how to grab the video of the photoshoot and embed it here. Enjoy.

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The Good, The Bad, The WTF

Added value for you today, dear reader. Not only are we featuring 2 horrible USA shirts from the past, but we will also take a look at the new one that was released earlier today. All in time for the USA-Poland friendly on FSC today at 3.30. Follow along inside, if you dare.

This shirt should have had so much going for it. Instead of using the rather bland white that the US had been using (and continues to use), they went with bold stripes. Red and white, like the flag. But they screwed it up. Those waves you see, those don't come from the fact that the shirt is hanging oddly. No, those eye-strain inducing stripes are supposed to look like that. I guess if your TV had just the wrong type of vertical hold, this shirt would look fine. To everyone else, it looks horrible, though not as horrible as the other shirt to feature at USA '94.
I don't know which is worse, the pattern or the fact that the "blue" is, in fact, meant to look like denim. I'm going to go with the denim. Nothing says, "Take me seriously as a footballing nation" like denim. But, I suppose, nothing says "American" around the world like faded denim. yes, the American is well-loved around the world for the comfortable clothing he wears upon arrival. I can't really talk. Last summer, I wore Crocs throughout my trip to the continent.

Now, though, the USA is going for intimidation and evil. Look at this shirt, it's black. How much more black could it be? None more black my friend. Except for that red in the collar. What you can't see in this picture, but I assure you it's there, are the words "Don't tread on me" on the inside of the collar. Awesome. You can go here to see it (3rd inset pic). I can't wait to see how this translates to extra victories.

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Olympic Qualifying; Group Stage Final

As we American users say in the forums of hattrick when the Mexicans fail miserably: jajajajajajaja. USA, Canada, Guatemala and Honduras go through to the next round of qualifying, Mexico do not. Inside, a look at how that happened.

In Group A, we saw the reason the World Cup Finals play the final group matches at the same time. Before the USA-Honduras match even started, both teams knew they were going through. In the first match on Saturday, Panama took out its frustration on the undermanned Cuba squad, with Panama winning 4-1. At least Cuba was able to field 11 players this time, as Linares' suspension had been served. The result left both teams shy of the USA's point total, leading to a listless final match in the group.

The USA-Honduras match up was played as if both teams did not want to win the group. Results in Group B meant that the feared Mexican squad could only finish second at best, and the winner of Group A might have to face them. So both the USA, starting the day in second, and Honduras played the match not to win. The USA took it to the extreme when Charlie Davies sprayed a penalty about 3 yards wide of the right post in the 62nd minute. Davies earned another penalty in injury time, and a lackluster-so-far Eddie Gaven put it in the net.

Group A final standings (W-D-L; Pts; GD)
USA 2-1-0; 7; +2
Honduras 2-0-1; 6; +2
Panama 1-0-2; 3; +1
Cuba 0-1-2; 1; -5


In Group B, the sea change day was on Friday. Haiti pulled out a 2-1 thriller over Canada, but the real story was Guatemala defeating Mexico, also 2-1. It was Mexico's first loss at this level in 23 matches, and it propelled Guatemala into the next round.

On Sunday, the last two matches of the group were played. Canada, sitting on one point played Guatemala, who had already clinched first place in the group. Haiti, on three points, still needed a result to go through in their match against Mexico, who had their lone point from the Canada draw. If Guatemala played an inferior squad, it set up nicely for Canada to pip Mexico at the post, and it would appear that is what happened.

In the first of the day's two matches, Canada routed Guatemala 5-0. Will Johnson scored a brace on both sides of halftime, and Tosaint Ricketts added his own second-half double. The game was sealed in injury-time by Kyle Hall. Mexico now had a seriously pitched uphill climb ahead of them in the second match. The Mexicans came out quickly and put one in the net in the first 20 minutes. Mexico also caught the benefit of an early red card as Haiti's Aveska was sent off in the 26th minute. After Mexico went two up in the 61st, they had the mental breakdown that would lead to their tournament demise. In the 62nd minute, Leonel Saint-Preux broke through the Mexican defense and scored. Mexico, previously even on goal difference with Canada, now had to pull at least six goals to advance. They ended up with five, which might cost Hugo Sanchez the senior team job as well.

Group B final standings (W-D-L; Pts; GD)
Guatemala 2-0-1; 6; -3
Canada 1-1-1; 4; +4
Mexico 1-1-1; 4; +3
Haiti 1-0-2; 3; -4


The semifinals of the tournament, and the de facto Olympic bid finals, will be held on March 20 in Nashville. The matches are Guatemala-Honduras and USA-Canada. The first one should be a barn burner, the second one will (hopefully) be a walkover.

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U-23 Olympic Qualifying Roundup

The current round of CONCACAF qualification was rocked on the very first day when a very unfancied Cuba squad drew the USA 1-1. That night, five Cuban players were presumed to defect to the USA when they walked out of their hotel. Combined with the red card in that first match, Cuba was facing going into their second match against Honduras with only 12 available players. Just when they thought it could not get any worse, two more players disappeared, leaving the squad with 10 players. What is a team to do? They could quit, but we will leave that to Gretna. No, the Cubans lined up with 10 men and salvaged themselves some pride.

Inside we'll take a quick look at qualifying so far.

Well, playing with 10 men did not work magic for Cuba. Honduras handled their shorthanded foes, defeating Cuba 2-0 behind second half goals by Sanchez and Thomas. Honduras outshot Cuba 25-3. After watching the Cuba-USA game and knowing that shot count was only 19-9, I can only imagine how lopsided this game was.

In the other Group A match, the USA did better, squeaking past a spirited Panama squad in a match that sometimes degenerated into a pushing and shoving match. Adu scored a penalty late in the first half after Altidore had rounded the keeper on a one on one and drew the contact. Panama pressed for an equalizer in the second half, looking especially bright in the first 15 minutes, but never really threatened Chris Seitz's net.

Honduras has already qualified, and Panama is eliminated.
Group A Standings (W-D-L; Pts; GD)
Honduras 2-0-0; 6; +3
USA 1-1-0; 4; +1
Cuba 0-1-1; 1; -2
Panama 0-0-2; 0; -2

In Group B, only the first matches have been played. Guatemala dispatched Haiti 1-0 on a 27th minute goal from Avila. Mexico had a USA-style slip up in their first match, drawing Canada 1-1. Canada scored in the third minute form Johnson, while Mexico knotted up from the penalty spot through Landin in the 22nd. Neither team was especially proficient in front of net, as both sides only had 2 attempts on goal.

Group B Standings (W-D-L; Pts; GD0
Guatemala 1-0-0; 3; +1
Mexico 0-1-0; 1; 0
Canada 0-1-0; 1; 0
Haiti 0-0-1; 0; -1

Group B resumes today with Canada playing Haiti and Mexico tussling with Guatemala. The group finishes on Sunday. Group A finishes on Saturday. USA will play Honduras, while Cuba takes on Panama. The top two teams of each group will advance to the semifinals in Nashville on March 20. The winner of those two matches will go to the Olympics, and the CONCACAF champion will be decided in Nashville on March 23.

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USA U-23 Embarrassment

Just a couple of quick thoughts on last night's Olympic qualifier against Cuba.

The USA should have put it out of reach in the first 15 minutes. By the time Adu scored, it should have been 3-0.

Has no one installed drainage at Raymond James? It looked like the game would have been better fit for bog soccer at times.

When you have a one on one with the keeper and five yards on the defenders, don't hit a one time shot off of your shin. Take your time and finish. There's always a chance you'll get bundled over.

Dax McCarty, stay on your damn feet (and get a haircut). Same to you Charlie Davies. Until Americans learn to dive properly, it's just embarrassing.

Those were two pretty weak yellows to Lines. One for a goal celebration, and the other (and ultimately a red card) for kicking away after the whistle.

Just because Arsenal play a nice brand of football with the passing and whatnot, don't emulate their inability to get a shot off.

Jose Manuel Miranda had a pretty nice game in goal for the Cubans. I hope he continues to stymie the other teams. I fear that he will not.

If you had told me that the US would get any less that 7 points in this pool, I would have laughed. Now I think I'll take 5 and advancement, although that could lead to a semifinal date with Mexico, who knocked the US out at that stage last time.

Here is the tables after one round: (Record, Points, Goals For-Against)

1. Honduras 1-0-0 3 1-0
2. Cuba 0-1-0 1 1-1
3. USA 0-1-0 1 1-1
4. Panama 0-0-1 0 0-1

Let's all hate on Heerenveen for not releasing Bradley.

Next game: Friday against Panama.


image courtesy AOL Fanhouse

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