Quick Throw: FA Cup Sour Grapes Edition

Fergie hates the Wembley pitch. It's even the reason why he selected a team full of pre-teens. [The Sun]

Wenger hates it too. [The Sun]

Fergie also thinks that Moyes' pre-match whispers about ref Mike Riley cost 'em that penalty [BBC Sport]

Even Rio Ferdinand thinks that because of United's brilliance, they miss out on obvious penalties all the time! [Guardian Sport]

Really, we know who's to blame for United's loss: that Timmy Howard lad. He did good, didn't he? [101 Great Goals]

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Arsenal-Hull City FA Cup QF Open Thread.

Boy that's a lot of info to try to get into the title line.

We, of course, tend to care much more about Arsenal than Hull, so let's hit the Arsenal news. Almunia is out after Diouf tried to break the Spanglishiard's foot off at the ankle. Clichy is said to be sitting as well, while Arshavin really wants to play but may be out due to eight stitches in his foot. Eduardo is lightly injured again and--news flash--Rosicky is never coming back.

Hull have some no-names back, some no-names injured or cup-tied, and Geovanni back in form just in time to repeat his heroics at Emirates. Great.

Full Lineups:
Arsenal: Fabianski, Sagna, Djourou, Gallas, Gibbs, Walcott, Diaby, Song, Vela, Arshavin, van Persie. Subs: Toure, Nasri, Denilson, Silvestre, Mannone, Bendtner, Eboue.

Hull City: Myhill, Dawson, Ricketts,Halmosi, Zayatte, Ashbee, Barmby, Geovanni, Gardner, Fagan Manucho. Subs: Hughes, Duke, France, Garcia, Mendy, Folan, Featherstone.

Enjoy it. Comment away as usual. Pagination is encouraged but not required.

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Stunning Strikes, Poor Ad Placements, and the FA Cup Draw

Something tells me that people who want to read about Arsenal's FA Cup win, probably don't want to buy an Aston Villa kit any time soon.

Just a hunch but I bet that ad on that particular page nets zero sales. In fact, if there's such a thing as negative sales, that'd be a good candidate to achieve that benchmark.

Anyway, Arsenal and Everton both won today. And for their efforts, the Toffees get to go to Wembley, while the Gunners go home. Life is so unfair.

Actually, Arsenal still have their quarterfinal against Hull to play. The Tigers have been woeful as of late, collecting only 3 points so far this calendar year. But, seeing how Hull City won at the Emirates back towards the start of the season, the Gunners can't take them lightly.

Who are we kidding? That's the hallmark of this Arsenal team: 1 point from Tottenham, 1 point from Fulham, 2 points from Sunderland, and zero points from Stoke (although there are three points still waiting in the rematch). If this Arsenal team is good at anything, it's taking lesser sides lightly and giving up points they should bag. Ergo: fifth place.

But while there's one quarterfinal still to be played, the FA Cup semi-final draw is set. United get the easier of the draws (shocker!) as they pick up Everton. Chelsea get the winner of Hull CIty and Arsenal.

Anyway, rather than squint to read about Eduardo's backheel strike, just watch it here. And really this is where low frame rates and shitty Flash compression go a long way toward ruining a thing of beauty, but this was pretty sweet.



Oh, and yes, we know we stumbled toward the finish line this week. Shit we didn't even get an open thread up this morning. We'll make it up to you this week. Promise.

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FA Cup/EPL Open Thread: Tangled Up in Blues

Spot the selfish, whiny one

Only three games today, and none worth that much coverage (sorry, Spartak fans). That game's a bit dire so far, with Spartak holding a 1-0 lead at half-time. Where is this Coventry team we saw play with gusto and style at Carrow Road last weekend? Oh, that's right, their best player, the left-back Dan Fox, isn't playing.

Meanwhile, Essien's on the bench, meaning he's about a week away from being that bulldog in defensive midfield again, much to the chagrin of any team still left to travel to Stamford Bridge.

We might well liveblog some La Liga later on in the form of the Madrid Derby, but for now, this is it. Gripe about Spurs, or offer your prayers for a home win at Craven Cottage.

Whatever you do, come cupset with us after the jump.

FA Cup Fixtures:
Coventry 0, Spartak London 1 (half-time)
Fulham v. Manchester United (12.30pm kick-off)

EPL's Sole Release:
Sunderland v. Tottenham (10am kick-off)

And a massive match for the Canaries, who travel to Blackpool today for a legitimate six-pointer. COME ON, NORWICH!

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FA Cup Liveblog: Arsenal v. Cardiff City

The ominous ball of Champions League, EPL and FA Cup matches begins to gain in size and gather steam.

Through the hilarity of scheduling, we present a fourth-round replay for the Gooners, despite their fifth-round opponents already playing to a replay next week, and despite the fact that the quarter-final draw has already been made.

I love the FA sometimes.

So, will they get it done tonight, or will fixtures continue to pile up for Arsenal like a giant Katamari?

Lineups and livebloggery after the jump.

Arsenal: Fabianski, Sagna, Toure, Gallas, Gibbs, Nasri, Song, Denilson, Vela, Eduardo, Bendtner.
Subs: Almunia, Van Persie, Ramsey, Wilshere, Clichy, Bischoff.

Cardiff: Heaton, McNaughton, Rae, Purse, Johnson, Parry, Ledley, Kennedy, Burke, Bothroyd, McCormack.
Subs: Capaldi, Whittingham, Johnson, Comminges, Scimeca, Blake.

The big news is that Eduardo is in the starting XI, next to the world's most egotistical/delusional striker, Nicklas Bendtner. Even though he's certifiably insane, you have to admire his gusto.

Couple of issues with a feed, but I'll be in business shortly. It's not like anything ever happens in the first 5 minutes!

5 mins: Bendtner proves why he shouldn't start every game, heading over from close range. To be as fair as possible, the cross was high, and he did well to reach it, but still - shouldn't the best Arsenal striker tuck those away with ease?

6 mins: Bendtner is denied again, as Tom Heaton (on loan from Manchester United) makes two good saves in quick succession, the first to parry a venomous shot from Carlos Vela, and the second with his legs as NB pounced on the rebound. All Gooners, all the time.

11 mins: A rare attack by Cardiff! Chris Burke gets behind Gibbs down the right wing and puts in a decent enough cross, but the linesman reckons that crossed the touchline first.

The difficulty of liveblogging with an Arabic audio feed is becoming apparent. Despite most English-language commentators being absolutely insufferable, they do help in at least keeping you up to speed. This is like watching a game live; you have one chance to see it, process it, and write it down. Most times, the audio at least gives you a second chance. It's also impossible to keep up with who's currently in possession.

14 mins: Eduardo decides to shoot from the center circle, apropos of nothing, but it's always heading wide. Heaton was back anyway.

15 mins: Sagna has a go down the right, lofting a cross in front of Eduardo's run but it's too strong and Heaton collects on the edge of his area.

Nice flowing football by Arsenal, which is par for the course at this point. However, the inability to play a simple pass behind the defense is still as apparent as ever. No, it can't be a simple pass. It has to be a backheel or chip, or sidefooted tap. It must be taking years off Wenger's life expectancy.

17 mins: Lovely move by Arsenal again on the edge of the box, as Eduardo does get behind the backline, but his square pass is blocked by captain Darren Purse and cleared. Crisis averted.

Oh, and Bendtner again! Lovely run by Vela down the left, cutting it back from the touchline and somehow finding NB in front of goal. His first touch beats his man, but he lingers too long to shoot and its blocked by two sliding tackles at once. Think one of 'em was Darren Purse again. The window of opportunity was small, but you'd expect better from the great Arsenal striker.

20 mins: NB plays Eboue in behind Purse but his shot is easily smothered by Heaton. Will Cardiff ever manage to get the ball beyond the halfway line?

21 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL, and finally Cardiff crack. Another lovely bit of play down the left, as Eduardo releases Vela, and Vela's cross floats right along the six-yard box, sitting up perfectly for Eduardo to power in a header, leaving Heaton with no chance. Wonderful interplay by Vela and Eduardo. NB was right there for the rebound, it must be noted. That lad is special. Meanwhile, the heartwarming recovery of Eduardo continues. He's engulfed by teammates at the corner flag, and rightly so. Good to see him getting his form back. Arsenal 1, Cardiff City 0

24 mins: Poor Bluebirds. The rout is surely on, as Cardiff's backline looks as stiff and useless as the Maginot Line. Arsenal appear to have no trouble getting 'round the back. This time, it's Vela again, but Eduardo can't control and shoot under pressure from Purse.

27 mins: Cardiff winger Paul Parry works hard for the money, so hard for it honey. He wins a corner off Sagna but makes a mess of the delivery, and it's time for the Gooners to play keepaway for the next 15 minutes.

28 mins: It's Nasri's turn to sting Heaton's palms, scurrying through the midfield and shooting from 25 yards, causing the goalie far more trouble than it should have.

30 mins: Some 6 or 7 minutes since Nicklas Bendtner offered anything of merit to proceedings, making me wonder if the poor fella's only gone and overrated himself with his own hype and bluster. Eduardo and Vela appear quite useful without him, it must be said.

32 mins: We are slowly entering into that lull that's commonplace in a game like this. Lukas Fabianski tries to avert the boredom by coming out some 35 yards from his line to shin the ball to safety. Gallas and Toure were both there to clear, but that wouldn't have been nearly as fun, would it?

34 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL, and it's the great, the epic, the legendary, the gargantuan Arsenal great, Nicklas Bendtner. He gets his broad Danish noggin on a fine inswinging corner by Nasri, directing it nicely inside the far post. He did well there, momentarily living up to his own billing in coming all the way across the area to outjump both Cardiff defenders to get on the end of that one. Arsenal 2, Cardiff City 0

38 mins: I've solved the audio problem by muting the bugger and enjoying some Gordon Ramsay on the TV at the same time. The day is truly complete; sumptuous, free-flowing football on the computer, and profane cookery on the telly.

Cardiff look shellshocked. They earned their big-money replay at Emirates, make no mistake, but they're horribly outmatched this evening. Ex-Gooner left-back Lee Dixon on the BBC reckons they're giving Arsenal too much respect, but could it be something much simpler, like a gulf in class? If I were an Arsenal fan (thankfully I'm not), I'd be watching this game in two minds: one greedily enjoying the quality of play from the team, the other wondering just where on earth these performances are week in, week out. Maybe I'm overanalyzing considering that they're playing Cardiff, but still.

45 mins: Tom Heaton is rather good. It makes me sick to think he'll end up back at Manchester United at some point. He saves twice from close range to deny Eduardo and Bendtner (related question: where on earth are Cardiff's center-backs?), although Nicklas does well to deny himself, hitting the post with Heaton sprawling and the goal wide open. Moron.

To recap: Eduardo's initial turn-and-shoot was parried to the Amazing Bendtner's feet, and with time to shoot, he sidefoots the ball against the post with Heaton stranded. Bendtner collects his own rebound and shoots again, by which time Heaton had recovered enough to make another diving save.

The ref's seen enough, and I'm surely not far behind.

HALF TIME: Arsenal 2, Cardiff City 0
One of the more deserved leads you'll ever see, although the wunderkind Bendtner must reconsider his own greatness after missing that sitter on the stroke of half-time.

Now to watch Gordon cook a chicken leg with bacon before the second half. Oh, and time to make some Bagel Bites, the official half-time snack of any self-respecting liveblogger.

The feed I'm watching has a rather wonderful half-time show, consisting of the two presenters, both sporting facial hair, beer guts, and the hangdog look that one develops through years of being hungover every single day, superimposed over highlights of the first half. It's glorious in its low budget, green-screen approach, and I applaud their minimal aesthetic. When compared to the sturm und drang graphics-gasms frequently provided by ESPN.

To elaborate further: the two men are perched atop bar stools some two feet apart, no table or podiums to lean on, and the lad with a mustache has a clipboard that he is fixated upon. Sportscasting 101: look at the f*cking camera. Still, they're better than JP Dellacamera.


They're back out and ready to kick off. NB is ready to atone for that ghastly miss with a second-half brace, surely. If Arsenal hold on, they'll play their fifth-round tie the same weekend that the quarter-finals are happening. Hilarious.

46 mins: Cardiff begin brightly with 40 seconds of possession in Arsenal's half, but order is quickly restored. Nasri whips in a free-kick from the left wing, but it's easily cleared. Expect the Gunners to pass Cardiff to death from here on out.

49 mins: The Edu-and-Vela Show continues, but this time, Carlos' low cross from the left is lacking in menace. Still, those two play a 1-2 better than anyone else at the moment. Are they twins? They play with the awareness of a pair separated at birth.

50 mins: For all their poetry in motion, it must be noted that there's still an ugly side to Arsenal's play, and it's ex-skipper William Gauloises. The Frenchman ploughs through Jay Bothroyd like a runaway train, picking up a yellow despite all his best "who, me?" gestures. It matters not, as the Bluebirds bugger up the free-kick. Based on this game so far, you'd think Lukas Fabianski has the easiest job in soccer.

54 mins: Lovely footwork by Vela gets him right through the Cardiff defense, as he skips inside and wrongfoots defender Roger Johnson, but Johnson recovers just in time to block Vela's shot.

57 mins: Don't look now, but it's a Cardiff counter-attack, and their first shot of the game! Jay Bothroyd gets a yard of space as Gallas plays back, and JB duly obliges. He skips to the top of the box and shoots well, forcing Fabianski to fall forward and smother. Be proud, Bluebirds fans... it only took 57 minutes.

60 mins: PENALTY TO ARSENAL

GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL, and Eduardo converts the spot-kick he earned. He sends Heaton the wrong way after being shoved down by Gavin Rae. Cruise control now for Arsenal, although it's been like that since kick-off. Arsenal 3, Cardiff City 0

Wenger looks to be warming up and instructing a couple of subs... presumably Eduardo will be brought off to spare that ankle any potential distress. He's had a wonderful game, and the pairing of Vela and Edu is tough to defend. Why they don't play in the EPL together is anyone's guess.

65 mins: Free-kick Cardiff, in decent position: 25 yards out, just to the left of goal. Luke McCormack gives it a good effort and wins a corner as it deflects off the top of the wall.

Cardiff's best chance of the game, which was barely a chance at all. The outswinging corner found a Bluebird head in the area, and it took some scrambling by Sagna to get it clear. Fabianski didn't look interested in doing it himself.

Then, the Gunners surge down the other end. Eduardo turns his man inside out and puts it wide right for the Stupendous Bendtner. He beats his man round the back and puts a low cross in, but Eduardo can't finish.

It's his last bit of work, too, as he comes off to rapturous applause. He's back, Gooner fans.

Double sub for Arsenal: Aaron Ramsey and RvP on, replacing Nasri and Eduardo.

Cardiff then do the same, bringing off midfielder Paul Parry for Peter Whittingham, and Darcy Blake on for Darren Purse. The Cardiff skipper hasn't had a very good game.

70 mins: Cardiff are getting more possession in the Arsenal half, but it's to be expected when the home side have their fifth-round berth comfortably secured. Sagna breaks down the right wing and feeds the Marvelous Bendtner in the middle, but NB fouls in trying to spin past his marker. No-one at Emirates is surprised in the slightest.

73 mins: Kieran Gibbs snuffs out a one-man Cardiff break for goal, and the passes along the backline have begun. That's the mind-numbing stuff you don't normally see until the 85th minute.

Oh, I didn't see that first time. When Eduardo came off, he was limping slightly and headed right down the tunnel after coming off. I don't wish to be alarmist, but he could have taken a little knock.

Final Arsenal sub: Carlos Vela comes off after a wonderful shift, replaced by Amaury Bischoff.

Cardiff match Wenger with their final sub at the same time (they realize they can sub at any time, right?), removing Gavin "I'm sure he did well in midfield somewhere" Rae with the immortal/33-year-old Riccardo Scimeca, who played for Villa and Notts Forest back in the 90s.

77 mins: All sorts of sideways passing by Cardiff as they forage unsuccessfully for a consolation goal. They might have to make do with their share of the gate receipts, as they've looked rather useless up-front. I'd rather chalk it up to their ineptitude than the brilliance of Toure/Gauloises, because I think the latter to be impossible.

Pass-pass-pass-pass-sidefoot-pass by the Gooners ends with RvP getting the ball a shade offside (but no flag!), and his fierce shot is well covered by Heaton. The scoreline's a bit unfair to the Cardiff goalie, who's generally looked good despite the constant action in his area.

79 mins: Dear, oh dear. The Fantastic Bendter comes in an hour late on Kevin McNaughton, with both feet up (studs showing!) and catching the midfielder on his foot. Another yellow for the Gunners, and another black mark against the Godsent Bendtner, Our Lord's Gift to Football.

81 mins: Bischoff gets free on the left and just misses making it 4-0, whisking his shot across goal and past the far post. Heaton at full stretch looked to get a toe on it, but no corner.

83 mins: After that talk this morning (yes, I realize I'm beating a dead horse, but it's fun) by Nicklas, aside from that goal and hilarious miss, all he's managed to do is get himself booked for a shocking challenge, and that's about it. I don't know about you, but if I'm going to open my mouth at work about how brilliant I am, I'm not going to follow-through by sleeping at my desk and shitting my pants. The statement and the action just doesn't correlate.

86 mins: The Outstanding Bendtner is in the thick of it again, sliding in to Heaton's gut and introducing his studs to the goalie's pancreas. RvP put him clean through with a neat pass, but it was too heavy and close to the goalkeeper, but it wasn't going to stop our favourite Dane! The ref gives him the benefit of the doubt, but really, he was nowhere near collecting that one. Bit lucky, in my opinion.

87 mins: It's all happening now! Sagna sprints from box-to-box, as only Sagna can, and goes down in the Cardiff box, but not much of a penalty shout.

88 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL, and The Wonderful Bendtner atones for his recent fouling. He puts Robin van Persie through the middle with a lovely pass, and RvP slots home past a helpless Heaton. Bit unfair at this point, as Cardiff have shown some guts in the last 20 minutes. Arsenal 4, Cardiff City 0

90 mins: Two minutes of stoppage time to come, not that it'll matter. A great, confidence-building display by Arsenal today, as Vela and Eduardo turned on the style this evening and things went very much according to plan.

90 mins + 2: Could have been 5! The Peerless Bendtner floats a ball to the far post, and RvP heads wide from 6 yards out. He stands frozen for a moment, stunned by his own profligacy.

FULL TIME: Arsenal 4, Cardiff City 0
That'll do. Wenger must be encouraged by the performance tonight, and he must be close to starting Carlos Vela regularly. With all that offensive firepower, he's going to have a hard time fitting them all in. Can Vela play left-back?

Goodnight all, thanks for following along. I'm all Gooner'd out.

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Stay Tuned To ITV For A Special Presentation of 'Heidi' Following Tonight's FA Cup Match

Not to be outdone by Comcast in Arizona, ITV decided to have a laugh with all of England.

Everton were hosting Liverpool Wednesday for their 4th Round FA Cup replay. After almost 3 and a half hours of football (including the draw at Anfield about 10 days ago) the two teams were still even, and seemingly headed for penalty kicks. But two minutes from time youngster Dan Gosling scored the winner to send the Toffees on and the Reds out of the cup. Too bad nobody in England saw it.

On the plus side, they didn't have to see Evan Stone flap his dong around either.

But moments before Gosling's winner ITV inexplicably went to commercials. And fucking weird ones, too. For a second it was like someone put the Altered States of Drugachusetts back on TV. Good to see that ad men in Britain get as high as this kid before they go to work in the morning.

It really is incredible timing. Almost two hours of football on Wednesday and ITV manages to pick the only moments to royally screw things up. Again, this is about 12-and-a-half minutes into the second period of extra time (so maths: after 117:30 of 120 minutes).

But on another level, maybe they were sparing the Reds from a literal telling of events in favor of a more metaphorical one. Two workaday guys go after each other, just like the two Liverpudlian sides of Mersey. And right when the one guy gets defenestrated, that's probably about the exact moment that Gosling scored, a symbolic 'throwing through a window' if you will. As performance art, this was a masterpiece. As broadcasting, this was gross fucking incompetence.

Good thing nobody in Liverpool (or the rest of England) really cares about football.

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FA Cup Fourth Round Replay Open Thread

Now that Engerland has managed to dig itself out of that blizzard, there's a few FA Cup Fourth Round replays on tap for today...

2:45 EST Nottingham Forest v. Derby County
2:45 EST Aston Villa v. Doncaster
3:00 EST Blackburn Rovers v. Sunderland
3:10 EST Everton v. Liverpool

I think this makes for the ninth Merseyside derby in two weeks. Have your say you know where!

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FA Cup Fifth Round Draw

Few cliches get bandied about more often than the MAGIC of the FA Cup. Well, today saw the last of the lower league minnows knocked out and it's strictly Championship League and up from here on out. At least Swansea eliminated the holders Pompey for the big upset.

There's still plenty of Fourth Round action to settle, with yet another Merseyside derby and then Aston Villa, Arsenal (grumble) and Blackburn v. Sunderland. West Brom are barely a premiership side, but they have a replay as well. But all this unsettled action has never stopped the FA from moving on with the draw, which just took place... After the jump check out what we can look forward to in mid-February.

Straight from Soho Square, here's the draw...

Sheffield Utd v. Hull City
Watford v. Chelsea
West Ham v. Middlesborough
Sunderland or Blackburn v. Coventry
Derby or Nottingham v. Manchester United
Swansea v. Fulham
Liverpool or Everton v. Doncaster or Aston Villa
Cardiff or Arsenal v. West Brom or Burnley

Lots of Premiership v. Championship draws, with Liverpool/Everton v. likely Aston Villa, West Ham v. Borough and then potentially Arsenal v. WBA the only Prem-Prem action.

(And yeah the Gunners will be hoping for a rematch against Burnley.)

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FA Cup Sunday Open Thread

Still some 4th Round loose ends today, including another Liverpool derby (as if the last one wasn't heartbreaking or recent enough for the red half of the city), and a trip for the Gooners to the former roost of Aaron Ramsey, the youngster they lifted from Cardiff like the proverbial candy from a baby.

So come Arsene wth us after the jump. Maybe a liveblog for the 11am game from Anfield, but for now, here's your playground.

LINEUPS:
Cardiff: Enckelman, McNaughton, Gyepes, Roger Johnson, Kennedy, Rae, Parry, Ledley, Burke, Bothroyd, McCormack.
Subs: Heaton, Capaldi, Purse, Eddie Johnson, McPhail, Comminges, Blake.

Arsenal: Fabianski, Sagna, Toure, Djourou, Gibbs, Nasri, Ramsey, Song Billong, Eboue, Van Persie, Bendtner.
Subs: Almunia, Diaby, Gallas, Vela, Denilson, Wilshere, Adebayor.

Surely a straightforward win for the visitors, right?

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FA Cup Liveblog: Manchester United v. Spurs

Grim and grimmer.

It's been a rough week, but what better way to recuperate than on the couch with a few beers and two EPL teams clashing in the FA Cup? Well, they're both likely fielding youngsters, so I guess it could be a bit better.

For example, I'd prefer seeing some top league action this weekend, much like Precious Roy outlined below. He's got some good ideas, that man. Should Sepp fall prey to syphilis, I think I know who I'd nominate to replace him.

But I digress.

It's FA Cup! Fourth Round! Old Trafford! Sir Alex Ferguson! 'Arry!

Come 1-0 with me after the jump. Believe me, Torquay v. Coventry was just the beginning.

LINEUPS FOR THIS OH-SO-PRESTIGIOUS CLASH:
Man Utd: Foster, O'Shea, Neville, Vidic, Fabio Da Silva, Welbeck, Carrick, Scholes, Ronaldo, Berbatov, Tevez.
Subs: Kuszczak, Giggs, Tosic, Fletcher, Possebon, Chester, Eckersley.

Tottenham: Alnwick, Gunter, Corluka, Dawson, Assou-Ekotto, Bentley, Huddlestone, Zokora, Bale, Modric, Pavlyuchenko.
Subs: Gomes, Gilberto, Giovani, Taarabt, Defoe, Rocha, Dervite.

Fresh off his howler in the Carling Cup, young Ben Alnwick gets another chance to prove that he knows how to play goalkeeper. In front of him, a relatively full-strength XI, although the absence of Wonder Striker Darren Bent means they're severely weakened up front. Ah, who am I kidding? They'd be better served with Titus Bramble up front.

The presence of Gareth Bale surely foretells doom, although it's nice to see 'Arry live up to his dishonest reputation: all that talk about fielding the "weakest team I can possibly find" was bollocks, wasn't it? He's having a go, and like always, he's looking to steal a win. He won't do that with the suddenly-crap Bentley in the lineup.

Meanwhile, Fergie's bait-and-switch from the Derby fixture sees some first-teamers sprinkled amid a slew of players I've never heard of. The young Brazilian Fabio gets his first-team debut, so good for him, I reckon. Carlos must be feeling the love at getting a run-out in yet another meaningless fixture. He's got the morose Bulgarian up top for company, while the bench is littered with children, and Dennis Eckersley?

Off we go.

1 min: Bentley does what he does best, taking possession in midfield and running left to right across the pitch before dribbling it out of play. Carrick was happy to shepherd him on his merry way, and 'Arry surely wonders why on earth any manager would pay as much for him as Ramos did.

3 mins: Early "pressure" (and I use that term loosely) for Spurs, with Bentley winning a corner-that-wasn't-really-a-corner under pressure from young Fabio. Bale swings it to the far post, but after some header tennis, it ends up safely in Ben Foster's arms.

5 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL... my oh my. It's that useless Russian striker! Lords-a-leaping. A weak cross gets half-heartedly cleared by Fabio only as far as Huddlestone, and his delicate cross into the thick of the box finds Pavlyuchenko's head and he helps it on its way, glancing it just inside the far post. Foster barely moved, and Vidic was fast asleep in coming across. Soft defending from Man United, and as a Liverpool fan, I take mild solace from it. Here's hoping this carries over to the league. Nice cross by Tubblestone for that one. Manchester United 0, Spurs 1

8 mins: There's a buzz in the air as the United fans try to sing their team back into it. The Reds don't look like they've woken up yet, or maybe they're hung over from that shaky midweek performance. It's typical United at the mo, passing it around rather aimlessly while Spurs look to have shown us their gameplan: get those crosses in and hope for the best.

11 mins: Scholes goes the aerial route, lofting a long ball forward that Assou-Ekotto can only head into Berbatov's path, but the Bulgarian drags his shot from the edge of the box and it was always going wide. Better luck next time, tosser.

15 mins: United are beginning to assert some authority over the midfield, but the final pass forward isn't quite working yet. Then young Danny Welbeck attempts to relieve Assou-Ekotto of his leg below the ankle via a late tackle/stomp, but he's unsuccessful.

17 mins: Better from United as Fabio intercepts a pass and releases Berbatov down the middle. He finds O'Shea wide but the final cross is awful and the danger subsides for now.

A few seconds later, Carlos Tevez makes the case to Fergie for more playing time with a fizzing shot from 20 yards that cracks off the crossbar with Alnwick beaten. Spurs can't sit back for 70 minutes, if they were planning on it.

19 mins: Ronaldo finds out that the step-over is a privilege, not a right. Six of them at the edge of the box before two Spurs defenders promptly relieve him of possession.

20 mins: Tottenham defend like statues! Welbeck receives the ball wide right, cuts all the way in, plays a one-two with Tevez(?) and skips through two more tackles. Clean through on goal, he dallies on the ball for a second and Chris Gunter slides in at the last second to block a sure equalizer. Spurs are showing exactly why taking an early lead at Old Trafford isn't always a good thing.

Scholes blazes a shot from 25 yards over the bar, and a minute later, Ronaldo does the same. Surely it's just a matter of time before they equalize, right?

22 mins: A mazy run-and-cross by Fabio down the left falls to Tevez in the middle, and his reflex shot requires a brilliant save from Alnwick to keep Spurs' advantage. United are just murdering Spurs down the left wing. I blame David Bentley.

24 mins: Can Gareth Bale defend? Acres of room behind him for Welbeck to sneak forward and deliver a dangerous cross into the six-yard-box, one that Corluka thumps out for another United corner. The pressure on the Spurs' backline is relentless at the moment.

25 mins: Scratch that, United are murdering Spurs down both wings. Scholes finds Welbeck wide right again, but his pass to John O'Shea is promptly wasted and Spurs clear their lines again.

You know how I know Fabio is Brazilian? Because he's great on the ball and he knows how to foul. He shoves Gunter to the floor for the easiest free-kick decision in history. Bentley loops it in but O'Shea clears, and then from the other wing, Bale crosses for Pavs but Foster comes 15 yards off his line to collect. It's the first thing he's had to do since picking the ball out of the net 20 minutes ago.

Gareth Bale is a team of one. A 30 yard run into traffic on the M6 would have been more useful.

32 mins: Welbeck tries to emulate Maradona's 2nd goal against England in the '86 World Cup, picking up the ball well wide on the right and dribbling his way in towards goal. However, after turning Assou-Ekotto inside-out a few times, he finally loses possession. He's good on the ball, but this is Spurs he's playing against! He can't just walk the ball into the net! (Or can he?)

34 mins: For such a big fella, Huddlestone isn't very imposing on the pitch. He lets Tevez ghost by him with nary a nudge or hip-check, and Carlos' run ends when Bale deflects his cross out for a corner.

GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL, and it's Huddlestone again! Showing why he's not good at football once more (as if we didn't see it less than 30 seconds prior... defensive midfielders need to be able to defend, you know), a rehearsed Man U corner comes to Scholes at the edge of the box. He rifles the ball low and hard through the crowd, and it deflects off Huddlestone's heel and into the back of the net. Poor Tom. Manchester United 1, Spurs 1

36 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL, and Fergie can rejoice! Dimitar Berbatov demonstrates his worth with a nicely-taken goal. It's two former Spurs players doing the damage; Carrick floats a wonderful long ball right into Dimitar's path, and with a mile of space between Dawson and Corluka (you can bet 'Arry is going to have words at half-time), he controls the ball perfectly and smacks the ball past Foster into the bottom left corner. Wonderful goal from a team I absolutely hate. Manchester United 2, Spurs 1

41 mins: How will Spurs respond? Perhaps they need to begin their response by locating Luka Modric, a guy who's touched the ball maybe thrice in this first-half. When their most enterprising player thus far is named David Bentley, there's trouble afoot.

43 mins: Not good from Spurs, although arguably they've performed better in 43 minutes than they did in 118 against Burnley the other night. Bale tries to break the offside trap, but fails miserably. Where o where is Darren Bent?!?!!?

A Modric sighting! He gets possession and with room to run, although his cross to Pavlyuchenko never makes it. United make easy work of the clearance. They've made easy work of everything thus far. Painful.

45 mins + 1: Blow the bloody whistle already. United knock the ball from side-to-side like they're on the training ground while Spurs chase possession half-heartedly.

HALF TIME: Manchester United 2, Spurs 1

And now, a video of Dimitar Berbatov being interviewed by children:



47 mins: Giovani is on for Spurs, replacing the absentee midfielder Luka Modric. Bentley swings in a decent deep cross from the right. Foster leaves it, Vidic leaves it, O'Shea leaves it, but Bale doesn't! He sneaks around the back and catches it on the volley, but it's off his shin and nowhere near the target.

49 mins: Huddlestone does play defender for just a second, blocking off Ronaldo's low cutback after a decent run down the left. Man U waste the corner.

52 mins: United turn on the speed with Tevez again gearing the attack in the middle. He sets Welbeck loose down the right, but Danny boy thunders the cross well into the stands.

54 mins: Fabio knackers his ankle, requiring a substitution. It's another tiny Ginger in the form/shape of Richard Eckersley. I'm assuming this is his first-team debut? O'Shea moves to left-back, proving that inconsistency can be two-footed, and Eckersley takes his spot at right-back.

57 mins: United switch off a bit and give Spurs some time on the ball. Nice of 'em, really. Bale gets free down the left and rockets a cross from one wing to the other. Bentley meets it on the right of the box and is able to unleash a wicked volley, full of power and swerve, but it's miles wide. Still, mildly encouraging for 'Arry and Spurs, although if David is looking to replicate his freakish long-range effort from that 4-4 Arsenal game, he'll have to do better than that. According to conventional wisdom, lightning, and speculative volleys, don't strike twice.

60 mins: The thug in Vidic escapes for a second, as he follows up a poor first-touch with a clumsy lunge into Giovani's legs after losing possession. He gets a yellow card for his efforts.

65 mins: It's Bentley again! Well, almost. Nice counter-attack by Spurs sparked by Giovani down the middle. He finds Gunter wide right, and his cutback sets up nicely for Bentley, but his shot loses some pace via a deflection and ends up in Foster's stomach.

67 mins: Ronaldo's pulling a bit of a Modric at the moment, looking rather quiet out on the left wing. He does get a bit of a run at Gunter, cutting inside and shooting early for the near post, but Alnwick parries it and Corluka clears.

Spurs have a chance! They're subbing out Gareth Bale! On comes Adel Taarabt in his stead.

70 mins: If 'Arry thinks his team aren't really interested, he'll be certain of that now. Bentley's cross is cleared straight up into the sky by Neville, and not a single Spurs player thinks to go after it. It exits orbit, bounces, spends what seems like an eternity in the air before Foster finally comes out to collect. Dire.

71 mins: Ronaldo gets a bit of room up front and forces a good save from Alnwick, briefly waking up the Old Trafford crowd.

The boredom is broken by some substitutions: United remove Ronaldo and give a debut to the New Ronaldo, Goran Tosic, while 'Arry begins to quiet the conspiracy theories that he has no interest in winning by throwing Jermain Defoe on the pitch for a 20-minute runabout. However, he takes off Bentley in the process, arguably Spurs' brightest star this afternoon, so it's all relative.

76 mins: Eckersley wins a free kick for his troubles after wrong-footing Taarabt on the right. Spurs don't clear effectively, giving both Scholes and Carrick a chance to shoot from the top of the box. Scholes' effort was blocked by Zokora/Zokora's stomach, and Carrick tries to bend it round and over the top, succeeding only in giving someone a closer look at the ball in the proverbial Row ZZ.

80 mins: Tevez tries to inspire something in a one-two with Welbeck, but the return from Carlos to Danny ends up in Alnwick's grasp. Poor final ball, summing up the frustration and misfiring of the entire second half for both teams. Absolute rubbish, thus far. I've seen Chelsea-Liverpool EPL games with more gusto and excitement than this.

82 mins: The only player on the pitch with energy levels above that of a heroin addict is Carlos Tevez. There is no Spurs player he will not chase, no loose ball he will not pursue at full speed. Still, one man can't do it all. Spurs win a corner thanks to Vidic. Will something finally happen? Taarabt to take...

... and it's cleared with ease. Huddlestone jogs over to collect the loose ball and attempts to give it back to Taarabt some 40 yards cross-field, but it's out for a United throw. Not good, Tom. Not good.

83 mins: Assou-Ekotto gets free down the left and cuts it back for Giovani, but from a tight angle, he can only volley over the bar. Frustrating stuff.

84 mins: A Spurs equalizer would be nice, but remember: that means we'd have a replay and another 90 minutes of this passionless shite to endure in a couple of weeks, this time at White Hart Lane. That might be a good thing.

86 mins: Welbeck picks up a knock in his attempt to get on the end of a Carlos Tevez pass, and he's subbed off, limping down the tunnel to mild applause. Darren Fletcher replaces him.

So many players haven't justified the ticket price today: Ronaldo, Berbatov (despite the goal), Pavlyuchenko (again, despite the goal), Scholes, Modric, Huddlestone. Tevez and Bentley have given it some effort though. Still, you know Fergie's not putting Carlos ahead of Dimitar or Wayne in that regular first-team XI.

89 mins: Tireless, Tevez attempts to put the game beyond doubt, but he can't do it all himself. Tosic plays a clever chip over the top but Carlos doesn't get to it in time, and Spurs scramble clear.

Four minutes of added time before we can all get on with our lives.

90 mins + 1: If you think Spurs might actually go down this season, I wouldn't disagree at this point. They chase possession against a United side that's only 50% interested in winning, and yet every single time they get it, they immediately give it back. It's Taarabt's turn to receive the ball on the right, jog forward 20 paces before "crossing" right to Gary Neville. Pavlyuchenko could take a nap at the edge of the area if he wanted to. After all, it's not like any of these passes will ever actually make it to him.

90 mins + 3: Last chance saloon as Zokora wins a free-kick. He lofts it into the box towards no-one in particular, and United clear with ease. John O'Shea hoofs it out of play, and 'Arry is bemused once again. What are the odds that he's quietly faxing out his resume when Daniel Levy's out to lunch?

Taarabt shows a flicker of life on the right wing, but Tosic is up to the challenge. Again Taarabt has a go at beating Tosic, and he does, but his cross is a grass-cutter and ends up out for another throw. Another shallow cross and Taarabt, seemingly a magnet for the ball, shoots into a crowd of red shirts. It deflects off Scholes (though I'm not sure he knew much about it) and the Spurs players all appeal frantically for a handball in the area, not because they actually believe it hit their hand, but more because they feel like that's what a player on a desperate team should do at that moment in time. No whistle from ref Walton, and seconds later, he blows for full-time.

Easily the worst half of football I've seen in a long time.

FULL TIME: Manchester United 2, Spurs 1

Ladies and gents, Tottenham are a dire, dire football team. They're awful. Any combination of half-hearted, disinterested players doesn't matter. Any XI they put out yields the same result: 60 seconds of competent football lost amid 89 minutes of passionless ineptitude.

I didn't actually think this relegation zone flirtation would last, but after the performances they've given in the last week, it makes complete and total sense. They're terrible. I feel bad for them. They could actually go down.

Meanwhile, United amble into the 5th Round, keeping the absurd dream of a Quadruple alive. Of course they won't manage it, but it irritates me greatly that they even have an outside chance of making it happen.

That's it for today. Maybe another liveblog tomorrow for Liverpool/Everton (and the potential murder of Tim Cahill), but DEFINITELY ANOTHER LIVEBLOG TONIGHT as Spectator will cover that US/Sweden encounter. After all, we didn't finish as the 4th Best US Soccer Blog without this kind of unbeatable USMNT/USWNT/MLS coverage.

Join us tonight for that, and in the meantime, try to drink the memory of this FA Cup tie out of your brain. It's the only way.

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Yes We Can Open Thread

You'll have to forgive us. Between the MLK holiday yesterday, Obama's inauguration today and the Liverpool contingent still being curled up in the fetal position due to that Tim Cahill goal (making Cahill only the second Evertonian to score three goals at Anfield), things are a little slow in these parts.

But, the football must go on!

Today there are a smattering of midweek fixtures, the biggest of which is the return leg of Man U's Carling Cup draw against Derby. Man U are flying at the moment (sorry again, Liverpool), but the Red Devils still find themselves a goal down after Derby deservedly won 1-0 in the first leg. How many reserves will the Sir Alex Ferguson Experience send out in this one? Will Derby pull off the big upset?*

Also on the slate is the replay of the FA Cup match between Doncaster and Cheltenham, with the winner getting Aston Villa on Saturday. And, slightly down the tables, my beloved Exeter City take on Dag & Red as they try to get back on track and into the League Two promotion playoffs.

But enough of my yakking.... Why don't you have your say in the comment?

*The correct answers are five and no.

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FA Cup Round 3 Reeeeeeeeeplay

Even though the FA Cup Round 4 matchups have already been announced, there's still the matter of Round 3 to settle. Today is the start of the Round 3 Reeeeeeplays. How many games will go to penalties? How many minnows will be moving on? How many Norwich jokes can we make at Bigus's expense?

Fixture list after the jump, and as always have your say in the comments.










Today's FA Cup Round 3 Reeeeeeeplays (all games at 2:45 EST)...

Bristol City v Portsmouth
Norwich City v Charlton Athletic
Peterborough United v West Bromwich Albion
Crewe Alexandra v Millwall
Burnley v Q.P.R.


These next four are not replays per se but rather weather-delayed first matches....

Birmingham v Wolverhampton Wanderers
Leyton Orient v Sheffield United
Histon v Swansea City
Cheltenham Town v Doncaster Rovers


Tomorrow it's the big fishes, as Chelsea hopes to avoid embarrassment and Noocastle does battle with brave Hull City...

Southend United v Chelsea
Newcastle v Hull City
Crystal Palace v Leicester City


Oh, and while we're at it, tomorrow is also the makeup Man U v Wigan match in the Premier League. Hoorah for midweek fixtures!

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FA Cup Third Round Liveblog: Blyth Spartans v. Blackburn

Well, if Notts Forest can do it, surely the non-leaguers from Blyth can as well, right?

A spot of afternoon fun following a lazy morning finds the ultimate example of FA Cup mismatches as an amateur team hosts an EPL team that's not exactly lighting the world on fire at the moment. Big Sam takes his patchwork side to Northumberland, where the pressure will be immense and the pitch will surely be of awful enough quality to make things interesting.

Come join the eventual 7-1 thrashing after the jump.

Lineups:
Blyth Spartans: Mark Bell, Boyle, Pell, Leeson, White, Reay, McCabe, Williams, Gildea, Dale, Dalton.
Subs: Farman, Brown, Hume, Poole, Todd, Wright, Watson.

Blackburn: Bunn, Simpson, Mokoena, Khizanishvili, Olsson, Vogel, Grella, Treacy, Judge, Villanueva, Derbyshire.
Subs: Brown, Andrews, Roberts, Hodge, Gunning, Doran, Haworth.

A fairly experimental side for Blackburn that should still have little trouble with Blyth, but that's the magic of the FA Cup, see.

4 mins: Little to note thus far; Blackburn's mish-mash XI are struggling to get with the pace on that non-league pitch.

The crowd's certainly up for it as they cheer Danny Simpson's hilarious mis-hit, and the boos are loud every time Blackburn have possession.

7 mins: A heavy tackle by Gary Brown gets the fans cheering. I wouldn't fancy being one of these Rovers reserves tonight. Carlos Villanueva tries a speculative (there needs to be a more emphatic word) shot from halfway, hoping to catch the keeper out. It drifts well over the bar.

9 mins: Villanueva has another effort from the edge of the box, but it's not troubling Mark Bell in the slightest.

11 mins: Blackburn are finding rhythm, and it looks simple enough: pass, move, shoot. Keith Treacy forces a fine save from Bell low to his right after a neat build-up. I'll be the first to tell you that there will be no upset here, on basis of the first 13 minutes. Three good scoring chances, and as good as Mark Bell is in goal, it won't be long before the first of many Rovers goals.

14 mins: It's Villanueva time again as he sets Treacy free on goal, only to watch the Irish international shoot weakly at Bell.

17 mins: Blackburn are dominant and are playing every pass in the Blyth half. It's been nowhere near reserve goalie Mark Bunn's net as of yet. Another Rovers corner amounts to nothing, but on balance, all signs point to a Blackburn goal shortly.

25 mins: The Blackburn flirtation with scoring continues, but Danny Simpson's cross from the right is blocked by three different Blyth players.

Whoops, almost a gaffe for Rovers there... Mark Bunn came out to tidy up Aaron Mokoena's mess as his defender passed it right into Ged Dalton's path, but the Blyth hero from the 2nd Round hurries his shot and puts it closer to the corner flag than the goal. There's a lesson about complacency in here somewhere.

28 mins: It's Blyth's turn for a bit of pressure as they win a corner or two. For the slow-witted among you, this means they've been into the Blackburn half, something they hadn't managed thus far. Well done, you Blue Square North Conference battlers, you.

33 mins: A nifty run down the right by Alan Judge wins Blackburn another corner, but it's fizzed across goal to no avail.

GOAL GOAL GOAL GO-ALMOST for Rovers. Matt Derbyshire wastes his bicycle kick as he was offside. A comedy goal, almost; Derbyshire's bicycle kick skidded off his right foot towards the sideline, only to meet a Blyth defender's face en route. Off the lad's face and into the net past a diving Bell, but the flag was up. An uglier non-goal you will never see. The fans loved that one.

Derbyshire then has a chance to atone for it, but his volley doesn't trouble Mark Bell.

37 mins: And we settle for midfield boredom once more. Blackburn's second XI look absolutely clueless in and around the penalty area, which is very much like their first-choice side, truth be told. At least the coaching is consistent from top to bottom.

40 mins: The hopelessness continues, although the longer it drags on, the more I'm convinced some North Country voodoo has put an invisible shield around the Blyth goal. A lofted corner to the back post finds Vince Grella, but his volley is somehow kept out despite several chances for the visitors on the rebound. Perhaps it had something to do with the 4 Spartans on the goalline.

43 mins: Blyth push forward via the long ball, but stand-in captain Zurab Khisanishvili gets the better of Shawn Reay.

45 mins: Mark Bell does well under Treacy's cross/pass from the left, beating Derbyshire to the ball in midair.

Just one minute of added time to follow.

Half-Time: Blyth Spartans 0, Blackburn 0
Despite seemingly continual pressure by the EPL side, it's scoreless at the break thanks to Mark Bell's goalkeeping heroics and some dogged, desperate defending. You have to fancy Big Sam's side to find an opening eventually, but the longer it stays 0-0, the more you must pray and hope for the upset.

47 mins: Back underway, and right there where we were at the end of the first half: Rovers wasting possession with Spartans nipping at their heels, pressuring them like little terrier, or some other plucky animal or dog breed.

Are Matt Derbyshire and Robbie Keane related? The Rovers lad squanders another chance, and Big Sam must be wondering where the goals are coming from. The bench isn't exactly full of proven match-winners.

50 mins: Villanueva is the next to go close, blasting a shot just wide of the post from 25 yards with Bell beaten. For those of you keeping track at home, it was Blackburn's 10th shot to Blyth's one. Still, it's anyone's game.

52 mins: Simpson wins another corner after Robert Dale's last-second block, but it amounts to nothing. Blyth get into Rovers territory and win a free-kick after Martin Olsson uses the Spartan as a jungle jim, and they turn the screws, earning a corner as Rovers get nervous and struggle to clear. Mokoena then steps in late to knock the ball out of Reay's path with Bunn coming off his line to collect.

Jason Roberts begins his warm-ups as the crowd noise increases and the home fans sense some FA Cup magic in the air.

57 mins: Villanueva, easily the game's most industrious player thus far, wins a free-kick 25 yards out after skipping past two defenders and getting hauled down from behind. Will this be the breakthrough?

GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL, and I was right! Carlos Villanueva, about to be subbed out for Roberts, bends the free kick across goal with his left foot, catching Mark Bell unawares. A brilliant, deserved goal. I think that might buy him a few more minutes on the pitch, but it doesn't as Big Sam makes the substitution anyway. Blyth Spartans 0, Blackburn 1

Another Big Sam substitution: Keith Andrews on, the rubbish Vince Grella off.

61 mins: With the Spartans forced to push forward, Keith Treacy gets space to shoot and volleys just over the bar, aided by a deflection. Trying times for Blyth now; they need to start attacking.

Subs for Blyth: Simon Todd on, Alex White off. Part-timer for newly-signed Part-timer via Stranraer.

Sad that Blackburn's goal came amid Blyth's best attacking spell, but them's the breaks. The crowd's still urging their side on, and as Gillingham almost proved yesterday, that makes all the difference.

66 mins: Spartans win a free kick as sub Keith Andrews gives away a needless foul on Ged Dalton. Club captain Gareth Williams floats it to the back post, but Matt Derbyshire clears.

69 mins: More desperate defending for Blyth as they prepare for another substitution, but Derbyshire eases the pressure by giving away a free-kick in the Spartans' penalty areas. 20 minutes to go... COME ON SPARTANS

Sub for Blyth: Andrew Wright on, Ged Dalton off.

71 mins: Some life left in Blyth as they win a free-kick 30 yards out thanks to a strong run by Shaun Reay...

Williams goes for goal, and it is on target; however, an easy save for Bunn.

73 mins: First yellow of the night is shown to Aaron Mokoena for his tackle-from-behind. Those never used to be yellow cards, but it gives Blyth another free-kick in Rovers' territory. Williams doesn't get it nearly deep enough and it's cleared with ease.

75 mins: It's just not your night, Mr. Andrews. Alan Judge slips past his man on the right, brings the ball to the byline and slides it across the 6-yard-box, but Andrews somehow manages to blast it over the bar from close range. Awful stuff, and the crowd lets him know.

Best chance for Blyth coming down the other end as Simon Todd gets free down the middle, and it requires a perfectly-timed challenge from Mokoena to snuff out the danger. That would have been 1-1, easy. Mokoena then leaps highest to clear the corner, and back down the other ends it goes.

78 mins: More pressure around Blackburn's goal, and another free-kick deep in Rovers territory. Better delivery from Williams, but Aaron Gildea's volley goes over the bar.

80 mins: Jason Roberts gets free in the box after some nice skills, but puts his shot well wide of the mark.

83 mins: Blackburn just like to keep things interesting as they let Blyth attack time and again as Shaun Reay's gorgeous volley is blocked by Khisanishvili at the last minute, this just moments after Khisanishvili headed over from 5 yards out to keep the score at 1-0.

Sub for Blackburn: Brian Hodge on for the awful Matt Derbyshire.

86 mins: How did Blyth not score that?!?! A gorgeous cross from the left by Alex Gildea finds sub Andy Wright at the back post, and he somehow puts his sidefooted volley inches wide of the post with Bunn beaten. So close.

87 mins: Another golden opportunity for Blyth from a free-kick as Williams finds Gildea right in front of goal, but he puts it just over the bar from 6 yards out.

89 mins: Big Sam's nervously pacing as the Spartans pile on more pressure. A deep throw for Blyth is wasted as Robert Dale fails to control the pass.

90 mins + 1: Close, but no cigar. Dale's speculative flick loops toward goal, but it's no trouble for Bunn.

90 mins + 2: Sums up Blackburn's confidence, really, as Roberts tries to kill clock near the Spartans' corner flag. Another long ball for Blyth, but Simpson's there to knock it clear, and that should do it.

Full-Time: Blyth Spartans 0, Blackburn 1
To be fair to Big Sam, his side could have scored 4 in the first half alone, but it was left to a brilliant Villanueva free-kick to separate the two sides. Blyth played a lot better from a goal down, and Andy Wright will be kicking himself for missing a glorious chance to equalize. Still, the Spartans' dream ends, and Rovers will face Sunderland in the 4th round.

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Saturday's FA Cup Third Roundup

Being able to wake up on a Saturday morning and watch a match broadcast from Gloucestershire.... that's just a thing of beauty, really, and thankfully it was a compelling match between Derby and Forest Green to boot. Forest Green should be proud despite losing 4-3, with their three goals all top class. Yes, it was an entertaining day in the FA Cup Round Three, now that the big boys have started playing.

As Bigus noted below, Citeh's blushes continue, but they weren't alone. Chelsea let Southend equalize in the 90th minute to set up a dreaded replay. Peterborough also earned a draw against Prem bottomdwellers West Brom, Pompey went nil-nil against Bristol, and struggling Stoke City were knocked out of the cup by Hartlepool. Elsewhere, Sunderland beat Useless Bolton, Hull-Newcastle ended in a bore scoreless draw, and Fulham defeated Sheffield Wednesday.

Most important of all, Norwich earned a replay against Charlton, and Arsenal knocked off the green scum of Plymouth Argyle.

At the moment Liverpool are up 1-0 against Preston and look comfortable.

Tomorrow it's Gillingham versus Aston Villa and Southampton against Man U. Monday is Conference League North side Blyth Spartans against Blackburn Rovers. Will the dream continue?

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If At First You Don't Succeed, Try, Try, Try, Try again...Wait, What? NO!

But wait? All that trying could be for nothing. Non league Droylsden beat Chesterfield in the FA Cup second round last night at the 4th attempt, but today it appears they fielded an ineligible player. Doh! This tie has been an epic saga, worthy of a rolling Star Wars title screen. Join me after the jump for a breakdown.

Take 1
On the 29th of November the non-league players of Droylsden were excited to face League Two Chesterfield in the second round of the cup but the tie was abandoned at half-time due to fog, with Droyslden 1 up on their league opponents.

Take 2
The rescheduled tie took place on the 9th of December. And boy there was controversy. At 1-1 Chesterfield did not give the ball back to Droylsden after the non league team had booted it out for an injury stoppage. Jack Lester lobbed the keeper to take the lead. The furious protests stopped the game and after lots of banter the home side agreed the goal was a low blow and let Droylsden's Steve Halford stroll down the park and pop the ball into the net to level the game. It finished 2-2.

Take 3
16th of December. Back to Droylsden for another replay. Chesterfield were two goals to the good through Jack Lester and Darren Currie when the floodlights failed on 70 mins.

"There's far more visibility here now then there was two weeks ago when we played 45 minutes. The referee will probably hide behind safety regulations, which is fair enough, but there were only 19 minutes left to play. Could we have got to the end of the game without any incident if both teams had agreed? I think we probably could."
- Chesterfield manager Lee Richardson.

Take 4
December 23rd. Sean Newton put Droylsden ahead. Jack Lester levelled on 35. But the nights star man Newton scored from the spot to give the non-leaguers the lead. Lester was dismissed on 84 mins for using an elbow and Droylsden went on to win, making them the 8th non-league team to make the third round this year and setting up a possible giant killing opportunity with Ip..Ip..Ip..them at Portaloo Road on the 3rd of January.


Sean Newton scores from the spot last night.

BUT WAIT......

Newton was apparently ineligible to play! Last nights double goal scorer should have been serving a suspension last night after picking up his 5th booking during take 2 back on the 9th.

Bury were expelled from the competition in 2006 for the same issue and the FA are now investigating whether or not Newton should have been in the stands, but it seems pretty clear cut. The FA communicated the ban with Droylsden on the 10th of December and the part-timers confirmed the ban on the 14th. Someone really dropped the ball with this one. But lets be honest, a non-league team doesn't have a paid secretary to deal with the FA and keep track of all the administrative paper work, so I feel for them, but the rules are the rules. So After 4 games it looks as if Chesterfield will be heading to Suffolk in January.

Should Droylsden be booted, 7 other non-leage teams will be representing part-time football in the third round of the historic cup competition.

Kidderminster Harriers head to Coventry.
Forest Green host Derby County.
Histon are at home to Swansea.
Kettering play Eastwood Town.
Barrow head to Middlesbrough for a shot at the Premier League boys.
Torquay will be at home to Blackpool.
Blyth Spartans head to Sam Allardyce's Blackburn.

Good luck to all of the above, their inclusion in the third round is what makes the FA Cup the greatest cup tournament in the World. Among that lot surely a fairy tale result will emerge. Just ask Yeovil, Hereford, Shrewsbury, Wycombe, Harlow or Sutton United.

All ties are played on the 3rd, 4th, and 5th of January.

-Bigus

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ITV, You're F***ing S**t

I love the FA Cup. Especially in the early rounds where you can still see some of the non-league clubs give the big boys a fight. I'm pretty sure there are a few people around these parts who still get a chill when the name Havant & Waterlooville gets thrown out there. The big upsets are harder to come by before the third round, because that's when the EPL and Colaship teams get drawn into the, ahem, draw. Still, when a team like Leeds United, less than a decade removed from a semi-final berth in the Champions League, scuppers down into League One, it's an exciting draw for whomever gets them.

Especially for a non-league team like Histon who got the big boys at home in the Second Round. It's almost enough of a story to know that Histon beat Leeds on Sunday 1-0, through a goal by a postman. While that is pretty swell, there's another bit of the story of the day to go.

The match was televised by ITV, which you can think of as the CBS of Britain. Like CBS's Super Bowl broadcast from a couple of years ago, there was a little bit too much shown by the network. Histon, as is the norm, celebrated post-match in the locker room in various states of undress. One player felt a little more frisky than his teammates and danced around naked. Either this guy is super-tall, or the cameraman let his attention (and eye) wander, because the unnamed player managed to go Full Monty to the entire nation. Sadly, at this time, no video is available of the incident.

There is, however, video of the other incident mentioned in the article above. About 14 minutes into the match, Leeds fans commandeered a pitchside microphone, one used to get the sounds on the pitch and of the crowd, and used it to let all viewers know exactly what song they were singing. It's a simple ditty, really only one line repeated until boredom. That line--"ITV, you're fucking shit". You can hear it in the background at about the 20 second mark, then, nine or so seconds later, the microphone gets picked up. Two more rounds of the song follow, until sound is cut off.

There are two things I really like about this video. One, I love the conditions the announcers have to work in while calling these FA Cup matches at non-league sites. Second, they both had that "I don't get paid enough for this shit" moment and just shut down when the chant came over their headphones. Priceless.

For their giant-killing efforts, Histon have been awarded another fine draw for the next round, getting Colaship side Swansea City at home. For those that remember, this is the same team that got pushed to the brink by minnows Horsham last season. Here's hoping Histon can do the same. Perhaps Histon can pick up a certain deaf striker before the match to help them in their quest.


Histon's goal

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Oh Lord..... What a beauty!

(View of Wembley from..well Wembley)

She's new on the scene, she's big in town, she's got pair of giant monitors and she's home to 90,000 men. No I am not talking about Avram Grant's wife..... but Wembley!

Last weekend I was very lucky to be treated to the FA Cup final. Wembley can only be described as amazing....As we walked up the steps to enter the place my jaw hit the floor. It truly is fit to be called the home of English football. The atmosphere was electric. The spectacle of the event unrivaled and the stadium itself an edifice of carefully designed beauty.

As you can probably tell this was my first visit to the new Wembley and my first FA Cup final. We flew in on Friday for a 2 day beer sandwich filled with Welsh over achievers and seamen from the south coast (hello sailor!)

The build up to the game reached a climax as female drummers danced on a stage, and the noise levels slowly reached pandemonium. A sea of flags to our left and right indicated that for both sets of supporters the temporary nerve-induced equivalent of Parkinson's had well and truly set in.

First half.
Cardiff were always over matched in this game but they got off to a flyer and had a fair spell of the possession in the first 20 minutes. Even forcing David James into action twice. After 20 minutes Pompey set off on their first counter attack with Utaka on the ball and pretty much looked comfortable for the rest of the half. After missing a sitter, Kanu pounced on Cardiff keeper Enckleman's fumble and popped the ball into the empty net. Cue stupid dance.

Second half
Pompey spurned second half chances to kill off Cardiff only to give the Welsh minnows hope as the clock ticked down. It was obvious to all except David Jones that Hasselbaink was impotent to Campbell's height. The former Chelsea striker wobbled along the back line line like an old lady running for a bus. Cardiff replaced him for the younger (taller) Stephen Thompson and they suddenly started to hold the ball around the Pompey area. Jones also brought on lively teenager Aaron Ramsey.

Ramsey jinked his way through the midfield on no less than 4 occasions in just 10 minutes or so. He will soon be jinking his way out of Cardiff as this is one kid will soon be plying his trade in the Premiership very soon. He creates space by receiving the ball close to his opponent only to sprint away, turn and take on all comers. The second half showed why both teams were playing in different leagues. Cardiff played simple passes and Portsmouth created space with skill and speed.

The fourth official waved his board indicating 4 minutes of stoppage time and the Cardiff supporters roared. The players raised their heads and found the energy for another pop at the Portsmouth defence. Why these four minutes seemed more important than the four before baffled me but there you are. Cardiff bossed the closing minutes and flooded the area.

After a final round of ping pong in the Portsmouth box the ball was cleared and the ref blew for time. The Portsmouth fans started their party and the Welsh tears started to flow.

I couldn't help thinking how cruel the Wembley steps must be for the losing team. A slow hike up several flights of stairs only to be handed a shiny silver medal that brands you a loser. Then the bluebirds had to stand on display in the middle of the pitch as the Portsmouth players marched to the top of the steps to get their hands on the FA Cup. Harry finally had his trophy and the players pranced around the pitch in ridiculous hats.

Portsmouth fans had waited a long time for their second cup win in their history and they celebrated accordingly. As a neutral I enjoyed watching the joyous scene with a sad jealousy. The notion set in that I may never enjoy this party as a Norwich fan. Maybe one day...and then Wembley old girl.....

I'll be back!

Wembley picture gallery

(Cardiff fans at Wembley)

(Cardiff V Portsmouth Kick off)

(Portsmouth parade the FA Cup in front of their supporters)

(We can see you! A couple of Cardiff players mope in the posh area high above us as we leave)

(Cardiff City players watch as Harry lifts the Cup)

(Bobby Moore overlooking Wembley Way)

(Paul is overawed at the sight of Tottenham's new socks)

(Ballack is nothing!)

(Pompey Party)

(Paul celebrates the existence of beer)

(Mickey points to his new spot 'Torres'. The name stems from his/it's ability to dribble and shoot!..Gross..I KNOW)

-Bigus.

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Sweet FA Cup Roundup

Unless you have been living under a rock (or don't follow the English brand of football), you have undoubtedly heard of some slight FA Cup upsets from this past weekend. After the jump, some sure to disappear quickly video highlights of the quarterfinal matches.

Manchester United 0 Portsmouth 1
Pompey went up to United and won for the first time in 50 years at Old Trafford. SAF was pissed from the 6th minute onwards, after C. Ronaldo took a knock in the box but didn't get a penalty. Despite not scoring for the rest of the game, Fergie said this is what lost the game for Man U. Actually, it was this:

Rio Ferdinand had to go in goal afterwards and made a valiant, but failing, effort at the penalty. We here at UF could not have been happier.

Barnsley 1 Chelsea 0
Well, we could not have been happier until this happened. The Tykes knock big spending Chelsea out of the cup. Below, extended highlights of the epic fail that is Chelsea.



Middlesbrough 0 Cardiff City 2
The Welsh outfit went northeast to take on Gareth "the teeth" Southgate's squad, and beat them soundly. Two first half goals sealed the deal. Look below for a really fuzzy view of the goals.


Bristol Rovers 1 West Bromwich Albion 5
Ishamel Miller had a hattrick for the visitors. Rovers replied quickly after going down 0-2, but after the (very offside*)third WBA goal, Rovers had no shot. Look below for the highlights from last weekend's highest scoring match.


* Yes I understand the offside rule. I understand active vs. passive. I understand that the defender had the last touch. Miller made himself active on a ball that was initially attempted to be put through by WBA. It was an offside in the way Joe Cole was not in the Chelsea game.

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The Discrete Charm of Liveblogging a Painfully Boring FA Cup Replay: "I Wish, I Wish, I Wish that Something Would Happen"

Waiting for Godot Boro

I think I speak for all of UF when I say that the Guardian is the first and last place to get football news. The writers are cerebral, witty and knowledgeable. They also put together an LOL-inducing football podcast.

Occasionally, however, the Guardian descends into the absurd and ridiculous, such as yesterday's liveblog of the Middlesbrough v. Sheffield United FA Cup replay.

The first iteration of this match ended in a nil-nil draw, and yesterday's game was headed into extra time still nil-nil until a pathetic own goal put Middlesbrough up for good and thankfully put the Guardian's poor Scott Murphy out of his misery.

What happened in the interim was pure hilarity, with discussions of Jorge Luis Borges and Masterchef thrown in for good measure, as our brave liveblogger descended further and further into madness and desperation watching two negative and incompetent football teams refusing to take any chances.

So, this particular liveblog reads like a Skinner Box meets Jack Nicholson in the Shining meets Waiting for Godot, and was far more entertaining than a liveblog of a game where, you know, something actually happened.

Give this man a raise!

Middlesbrough v. Sheffield Utd - Live! - Guardian.co.uk

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Don't forget

Oh, and don't you lot start either. You haven't exactly got much to shout about.

Man Utd 4, Arsenal 0
Goals: Rooney 16', Fletcher 20', 74', Nani 38'
Sent Off: Eboue [ARS] 49'

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