In Which Lingering Bursitis Angers Spurs Supporters and the whole of Russia

It all started innocently enough. In a post about players who should ply their trade elsewhere, our own Lingering Bursitis makes a passing reference about Roman Pavlyuchenko.

Said post then gets linked on a Spurs messageboard, together with the comment "I think he is right at some points." And then the more reasoned debate began -- with comments like "sorry, but what kind of kunt is called 'lingering'? just reminds me of a bad smell that wont fook off" -- culminating in the always effective "muppet" insult. But the final coup de'grace? An Arsenal supporter registers to the board, but only to rub salt in the Spurs' wounds.

But it gets even better. The post then gets picked up on a Russian messageboard. After the jump, see what the Russians said (or at least what Google Translate claims that the Russians said)...

We're guessing these are only "rough" translations:

Davidoff

03/10/09 10:35

Lingerin skunk stinking. Very stupid and govnyuk. You only in the yellow press to work in shorts so pick Prince Charles, Mr. and Romkinyh yet. ))

ptera

03/08/09 14:29

Bursitis Lingerin to terror is not a competent journalist

hell104

03/08/09 13:51

Author жжот))) Who should be the first zdut DAK is tovorischa Rednepa !!!!!!

RJ Level

03/08/09 13:43

This pen was apparently charged deleted Romku to complete. Not worth even translate this article. Biased trash.


Put honestly, is Pavs really worth all this venting of spleen. According to Spurs contingent and the Russians, indeed he is! And now our own poor Lingering Bursitis has been forced to hide out at an undisclosed location.

Read more on "In Which Lingering Bursitis Angers Spurs Supporters and the whole of Russia"...

FA Cup/EPL Open Thread: Tangled Up in Blues

Spot the selfish, whiny one

Only three games today, and none worth that much coverage (sorry, Spartak fans). That game's a bit dire so far, with Spartak holding a 1-0 lead at half-time. Where is this Coventry team we saw play with gusto and style at Carrow Road last weekend? Oh, that's right, their best player, the left-back Dan Fox, isn't playing.

Meanwhile, Essien's on the bench, meaning he's about a week away from being that bulldog in defensive midfield again, much to the chagrin of any team still left to travel to Stamford Bridge.

We might well liveblog some La Liga later on in the form of the Madrid Derby, but for now, this is it. Gripe about Spurs, or offer your prayers for a home win at Craven Cottage.

Whatever you do, come cupset with us after the jump.

FA Cup Fixtures:
Coventry 0, Spartak London 1 (half-time)
Fulham v. Manchester United (12.30pm kick-off)

EPL's Sole Release:
Sunderland v. Tottenham (10am kick-off)

And a massive match for the Canaries, who travel to Blackpool today for a legitimate six-pointer. COME ON, NORWICH!

Read more on "FA Cup/EPL Open Thread: Tangled Up in Blues"...

Adios, Ramos... Hello, 'Arry

After an unwhelming start to the season in which they've claimed a whopping two points (from eight matches), Tottenham have (finally) kicked the chair out from under Juande Ramos. But, the former Sevilla manager isn't the only one looking for work, since Spurs have also fired their Sporting Director (Damien Comolli) and Ramos' two first-team coaches, Guy Poyet and Marcos Alvarez.

So, you ask, who will lead the team in tomorrow's struggle against Stupid Fucking Bolton? According to a press release from the club, the next poor bastards to try and (temporarily) guide Spurs out of their butt-naked last place position are development coach Clive Allen and youth coach Alex Inglethorpe.

And, in 'other shoe dropping' news, the call of London is enough to lure Portsmouth's Harry Redknapp into Spurs' semi-annual empty manager's position. (Word is it cost Tottenham 5M) While old 'Arry did an impressive number a couple seasons ago guiding Pompey to the Great Escape, surely the former West Ham man is biting off more than he can chew with this shit sandwich?

Then again, Spurs motto is 'To Dare is To Do'. And, considering they've done fuck-all so far this season, maybe it'll take a 'daring' move like leaving the south coast for fashionable London to shake things up and actually 'do' something (like win a match). You've got to think somebody will sort them out eventually.

Much more to follow once UF sobers up...

Read more on "Adios, Ramos... Hello, 'Arry"...

UEFA Cup Open Thread - Updated

You were good when you wore this shirt. What happened?

[Ed. Note: I'm still in a daze over Beckham joining Milan after Christmas, so forgive the light, well, non-existent posting this morning. Thoughts on that at some point.]

See, I told you there'd be barely any goals in the CL yesterday. Tuesday stole them all, dammit!

Considering we have Villa and Spurs fans reading along, today is their day. All the big clubs are tucked up in bed after their big, important European adventures, and today, it's the kids' turn in Little Cup. To which exotic destinations will these brave clubs travel? What languages might they need to speak? Will we have heard of any of the teams they're playing?

(I could keep going, but I won't)

In light of David Bentley's "bit shit" comments last night, which surely served as the perfect digestif to Juande's long lunch spent staring into the abyss and drooling, we will have some fun watching just how Spurs manage to corral their flabby, directionless collective into a coherent 90 minutes in Italy. Or maybe Ramos will just use the opportunity to check out Serie A "wanted" ads.

After the jumps, lineups, fun, and your colourful comments. It's a good day to be alive.
Udinese v. Spurs
-
Udinese: Handanovic, Motta, Coda, Domizzi, Lukovic, Inler, D'Agostino, Isla, Sanchez, Quagliarella, Di Natale.

Subs: Koprivec, Sala, Ferronetti, Pasquale, Obodo, Pepe, Floro Flores.

The Serie A club known as the "Little Zebras" are at virtually full-strength, anchored by an alarming number of Chileans. Alexis Sanchez and Mauricio Isla anchor the midfield, and the strike partnership of Italian National side fringe players Antonio Di Natale and Fabio Quagliarella should thrive against the visibly-aloof Spurs back 4.

According to his wikipedia page, Di Natale is "well known known for scoring impressive goals." Considering the form of Spurs at the back this season, any goals he scores tonight will seem rather ordinary and run-of-the-mill by comparison to previous tallies.


Spurs: Gomes, Hutton, King, Woodgate, Assou-Ekotto, Lennon, Zokora, Jenas, O'Hara, Bale, Bent.

Subs: Cesar, Dawson, Gilberto, Gunter, Modric, Campbell, Giovani.

Gomes has been warned to not injure any of his own tonight, and we see rare starts for Assou-Ekotto and Jamie O'Hara. The center-back pairing of Samson-esque Woodgate and Samsonite-esque Ledley King should provide some comedy this evening. And yes, Ramos looks to be employing UF's favourite formation, the 4-5-1.
-
Other games tonight:
Aston Villa v. Ajax (kick off: 3.15pm ET)
Braga v. Portsmouth (kick off: 3.15pm ET)
-
Updates:
Spurs are still losing 1-0 from a 1st half penalty given up by Gomes, which is a shame as he's been superb since. Jamie O'Hara did manage a rather Barton-esque feat of greatness in getting 2 yellows within a minute and taking an early bath. Close to the end there. 1-0 Udinese still.

Aston Villa v. Ajax
-

Aston Villa: Friedel, Luke Young, Cuellar, Laursen, Shorey, Reo-Coker, Petrov, Barry, Milner, Agbonlahor, Ashley Young.

Subs: Guzan, Sidwell, Harewood, Davies, Knight, Salifou, Gardner.

Expected line-up, right? O/U on number of misplayed passes for Reo-Coker currently set at 102.


Ajax: Vermeer, Silva, Oleguer, Vermaelen, Emanuelson, Lindgren, Sarpong, Vertonghen, Suarez, Huntelaar, Gabri.

Subs: Vonk, Van Der Wiel, Cvitanich, Leonardo, Sno, Anita, Schilder.
-
Braga v. Portsmouth
-

Braga: Eduardo, Frechaut, Moises, Alberto Rodriguez, Evaldo, Vandinho, Alan, Matheus, Aguiar, Renteria, Meyong.

Subs: Mario Felgueiras, Mossoro, Paulo Cesar, Jorginho, Stelvio Cruz, Cesar Peixoto, Joao Pereira.

4-5-1, probably? No clue. I hear Renteria is good.


Portsmouth: James, Campbell, Pamarot, Armand Traore, Distin, Davis, Diop, Hreidarsson, Little, Defoe, Crouch.

Subs: Ashdown, Utaka, Mvuemba, Hughes, Kanu, Belhadj, Wilson.

Nothing outrageous here either. Seeing a Traore in the starting XI is instant cause for concern. The Traores don't make things easy for their teammates, oh no sir. Little and Large continue to spearhead a decent Pompey attack.

Read more on "UEFA Cup Open Thread - Updated"...

This week in political footballers

Roman Pavlyuchenko has been rather complainy since joining Spurs. The training sessions were too rough and too long, and obviously, his team is currently in the shitter and waiting to be flushed.

And yet, amid all the madness in North London, he still found time to get into politics, as he was elected deputy for Putin's United Russia party on the regional council in his hometown of Stavropol.

Does this mean Darren Bent will soon be lobbying for a spot in Gordon Brown's cabinet reshuffle?



The entire thing is rather hilarious, and, like most things Russian of late, rather shady and suspicious. Pavs was born in Stavropol and attended his first soccer academy there, although detractors are questioning him and his real interest in politics:

"He's not from Moscow. He's a village guy," Anton Lisin, a football commentator with Sovietsky Sport noted. "The only reason Pavlyuchenko might be interested in politics is if the international financial crisis affected his wages," he added.

Either way, he's got a seat in power now, besting his former Zenit strike partner Andrei Arshavin, who stood for United Russia in '07 but walked away empty-handed.

So now the big question remains: how the heck is he going to balance football and filibustering? Will Frazier Campbell be his shadow striker when he's busy voting da or nyet on matters of grave regional concern?

I'm assured by my intelligent Russia-savvy friend that Pavs doesn't have much to worry about in terms of policy-making or voting, because he's essentially a figurehead; in Russian politics, the party enters these elections, and should they win, or at least be in danger of losing, they'll dump a regional celebrity in their nominee chair in order to get the results their way.

In Roman's case, once United Russia won the region, Putin (or someone close to him) can fill the position with whoever they see fit, and this time around for Stavropol, they went with the jetsetting young striker who's very much beloved in Russia for his goals against England that secured their spot in Euro '08.

Hilarious, when you think about it. Poor Pavs the puppet! And the extra pocket money will be nice too, at least until these crony techniques are phased out in the motherland.

Pavlyuchenko might need to sign regional legislation every now and then that someone else has written, but either way, his sister seems certain that he'll be able to balance both and not suffer from distraction:"He's obviously still adjusting. And it's difficult for him because he's injured. But he'll get used to it. He comes back to Stavropol whenever he has a holiday."

Fulfilling his political duties before enjoying a holiday? A bit like Dubya, innit?

Read more on "This week in political footballers"...