It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World!

Stop the World, I want to get off! I thought I'd seen it all...

- Over 50% of the U.S voting population re-elected George Bush in 2004.

- Every winter, truck Drivers transport 6 tons worth of supplies at a time over 300 miles on frozen lakes.

- People actually bought Taylor Hicks records.

- Spurs are playing in the UEFA cup this year, and people actually paid good money to see this movie...

But no, something more incredible has happened....Fulham are paying Everton 13 million quid for Andrew 'Submarine' Johnson. 13 million pounds for a guy who runs around the pitch like a headless chicken before conning the ref that he actually had a chance to score when he completes a triple twist somersault unlike any you will see in Beijing this Summer.

If this guy is worth 13 million then Robbie Keane's move to Liverfourth should be trebled. 100 million for Kaka is starting to look like a right old bargain. 11 million smackers for Crouch? Sale of the f------ century.

Bigus... it sounds like you really loathe this Johnson fellow?

I actually do...For a couple of reasons. One, he dived in injury time of a game (the penultimate) for Palace against Norwich, winning a penalty and securing a point for Palace, robbing City of 3 points that would have meant Premiership survival for Bigus' super Canaries! And... two, I cannot bare to see a diver wearing the England shirt. It makes me want to vomit.

Even with my partial opinion of submarine Johnson, I have sought my soul and still find it reasonable to attack this transfer as a sign of the apocalypse, an indication that money in football has spiraled out of control and a decent clue that Fulham manager Roy Hodgson couldn't spot a talented player if he was transported here or here.

So what are Fulham getting for 13 million quid? Well you will get 1 goal every 4 games, many of which are penalties of course. Johnson scored a record 8 penalties in Crystal Palace's relegation season of 2005. They are getting a player who has no credibility and has been criticized by many managers for his talent of finding the floor in the box.

Jose Mourinho famously called Johnson "untrustworthy" after a game in Dec 2006. Neil Warnock accused him of "gamesmanship" after he had won a penalty against Sheffield United.

But Jose, Warnock and old Bigus are all nuts right? He doesn't really dive more often than the red arrows?

I'll leave you with this...

-Bigus.