Sunday, February 24, 2008

UF Weekend Poll

Once a week, we poll ourselves to find answers to the burning questions of the football world. We are, of course, experts in the field, so the results can be taken as definitive. This week: Which are the 5 worst commercials on Fox Soccer Channel and GolTV?

It's safe to say that advertising on these two stations is pretty darn cheap. This leads to a couple of bad commercials being shown repeatedly until they sear your brain. After the videos, a special bonus, answering the unanswered question posed by our number one pick.

#1. Pennytalk

Easily the number one pick and the only commercial to show up on every ballot. This commercial can be encapsulated by one quote. "Pedro I did it. I got the tickets." What are the tickets for? Who is the British chick marrying? Why is the Indian woman calling her mom in what would be the middle of the night? Our answers below.

#2. Prócede

Giuseppe Franco and Gary Busey, together at last. Every guy on here was afraid to show their head until they used the product. Best of all, it makes you look like your hair is as thick as a bit of yarn. Really, though, who is Giuseppe Franco and why should we care?

#3. Cuervo Black

King of the annoying voice over. We don't know what's worse, assuming the bartender doesn't know how to mix a liquor with Coke, or mixing tequila with Coke in general, because that shit's nasty.

tied #4. Wallbangers

Put your favorite star or team on your wall. Great idea, they're called posters and don't cost $100. I can't wait for one thing--for the porn industry to seize on the idea and start selling them to basement dwellers everywhere.

tied #4. XL Travel

I may be cheating here a bit, but I think this is the one we were thinking of. To put it succinctly. Guy is watching a soccer match, involving Man United, presumably on Sopcast in an empty early-morning bar setting on a Mac, stealing any and all wifi bandwidth. Jackass.

Other votes-Soccer Wave; Riddex; Kick Medic (no link); Guinness.

Our answers to the Pennytalk questions:
What tickets are the Brazilian guy so excited he scored? matchbox 20; Sepultura; Spamalot; Hannah Montana; Oceanic flight 815.
Who is the Brit marrying? The ManU supporter from the XL Travel Commercial; underemployed rockstar (a dishwasher who plays Guitar Hero); a flunky producer; scummy LA guitarist.
Why the Indian woman is speaking to her mother back home in English during the middle of the subcontinent's night? Self-explanatory; Anna's coming out of the closet; her mother works for the call center at a collection agency and her daughter is calling pretending to be a bead beat.


Precious Roy said...

According the commercials on FSC, I am balding, foreign, and have a desire to put a huge vinyl picture of myself on my wall.

Wow, I'm a total loser.

badly drawn boykins said...

Don't forget Roy, you also can't afford DSL and go to the bar alone, where you drown your sorrows in Cuervo Black with Coke.

Goat said...

And you're a fundamentalist Christian who enjoys crappy music that still, inexplicably, gets stuck in your head. Our god is an awesome god indeed.