Our latest UF Contest Winner speaks!

After Phil's caption competition success, he had more than a few ideas and decided to tackle the terrace chant. Take it away, Phil...

Ah, the terrace chant. They don't come out very often, are often off-the-cuff and are spurred by current events, so they have a pretty short shelf-life; but when they do they are often hilarious, in all of their completely profane and insensitive glory. Some of us kicked a few around in a comment thread a few weeks ago, so when Bigus gave me opportunity to write a post, I figured I'd turn our fun there into fun for everyone.

Besides, the alternative was some sort of bilious pro-Spurs screed, and, really, who wants to read that. So, to get to the point: what's the funniest terrace chant you've ever heard?

Nothing will ever top the classic "There's Only Two Andy Gorams." What better way to keep The Old Firm alive and well than ridiculing Rangers' schizophrenic keeper ? It's the Platonic form of terrace chants. But there are others, not quite so funny, but just as inventive.

Here's a couple of my favorites:

Tweedy, Tweedy, Tweedy
She cannot f*cking sing
And when she's shaggin' Ashley Cole
She dreams of Ledley King.

In spite of the unfortunate mental image of Ledders in the missionary, an excellent chant. In the wholly and completely wrong category, though, there's this:

Eduardo..oh oh,
Eduardo..oh oh,
He's lost his silky skills...
Now he walks like Heather Mills

Only football fans can find a way to make fun of a horrific injury and an actual cripple (miserable harpy though she is). We're a fantastic group of people. Doughy, pasty, spiteful little bastards that we are.

Finally, there's this:

My bank account is f*cked up cause of the prices at The Lane,
Seventy quid you're having a laugh, they've mugged us off again,
I've taken up a mortgage just to cover for this game,
As the autopay goes charging on......
Daylight robbery Tottenham Hotspur, Daylight robbery Tottenham Hotspur
Daylight robbery Tottenham Hotspur, and the autopay goes charging on

Because if you can't ridicule your own club, who can you ridicule? So, what say you, UF'er's? What's the funniest terrace chant?