Friday, August 8, 2008

EPL Previews: Arsenal

Arsenal is going to win the EPL (Suck it, Barclay's).

I say that not because I fully believe it, but because I said the same thing about Spain for their Euro preview. I not only nailed that one but maybe in some Heisenbergian way, I caused that one.

So I'm being greedy and going for a repeat. Ergo: Arsenal wins the Prem.

I'm sure everyone is laughing. But about this time last year just about anybody with a pulse and regular access to the Prem was saying Arsenal would finish outside the top four and maybe someone else, like Tottenham, would crack a Champions League spot.

Yet, entering the last weekend in February, there were the Gunners, sitting on top of the table five points clear of United.

Then they played Birmingham City.

And as bad as the hatchet job by Taylor on Eduardo's leg was, the bigger blow that game was the bullshit penalty call awarded to the Brummies in the 89th minute. That set off a string of four consecutive draws, three against teams that finished in the bottom half of the table.

A blown lead at Stamford Bridge to book end the draws and the Gunner's season had gone from celebration to shit before they were even out of March. Some egregiously awful calls both home and away to Liverfourth—seriously, if that ref had one more eye, he would have been a cyclops—in the Champions League and zero cups later, the season was done. In a word: fuck.

So in the off season Flamini walks on a freebie, Hleb fucks off Barca (yeah, that's a quiet town you Belarusian prick), and Adebayor pitches a money fit. Arsenal fans start waking up nightly in cold sweats mumbling, "Spend some money you French twit."

Wenger responds by signing a couple of zygotes and starts accosting drunk couples in bars to see if they are going to fuck without protection because he's already scouted the girl's uterus.

Lovely. Just fucking lovely.

But Aaron Ramsey has looked comfortable in pre-season, while Nasri has looked even better, and frigging sixteen year old Jack Wilshere has looked awesome. Really, he's all of 16. When I was his age I was trying to get into AP Calculus and Amy Ryan's pants, not the starting XI at Highbury.

Oh, and Adebayor? He's still a Gunner. Van Persie navigated the Euros without getting hurt, so he's good for at least the first 10 fixtures of the season. By then Eduardo might be walking again. And what if Walcott finally has a breakout season? Because he'll be getting fed by Cesc in the midfield. Jesus Crispies, even Bendtner has been menacing in exhibitions. And I almost forgot Carlos Vela, who has been scoring more than an electrified scoring machine on the scoringest day of the year.

I mean, why the fuck would Wenger go splashing cash around just for the sake of splashing cash around? The Gunners going forward are still talented as all get out and it is going to be a thing of beauty to watch.

Yeah, yeah. They don't give style points (but if they did we'd be looking at like a 5-peat on the treble). You've got to put the ball in the back of the net. And pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, miss will make 08-09 look a lot like 07-08. And the backline is still a concern. I mean Senderos is still a Gunner. And that can't be good for anyone, even Senderos.

But so far this year (which hasn't even started) sounds a lot like last year when, at this time, there was lot of talk about Arsenal's rivals and lots of handwringing going on at the Emirates.

So yeah, Arsenal is going to win the Prem. And they are going to look good doing it.

Fuck, now I've gotten myself all excited for the season. Hurry the fuck up, Mr. Calendar, I've got some football to watch.


Keith said...

And Roy, if Arsene wants to splash out, oh, let's say 12-14 million, he could have a nice little counterweight to Cesc in Central Mid who might just be that little push over the cliff (c)Nigel Tufnel that the Gunners need

Precious Roy said...

In which case, it would only be appropriate if he did it for 11 million.

Keith said...

Hey, I'm sure that, for Arsene, a discount could be had.

/suck it, Rafa

And what are your thoughts about Dr. Teeth coming in for Hoyte?

strong like bull smart like tractor said...

Arsenal has looked good in preseason - not surprising, as there isn't much hard tackling in preseason friendlies. If tackling wasn't allowed, Arsenal would be the bestest team in the history of the game...

Precious Roy said...

By Dr. Teeth I'm assuming you mean Sagna? He could have been the MVP of the team last season. It was when he went out that they really faltered. He goes line to line and gives great service into the box on the offensive end.

The Fan's Attic said...

What's arsenal going to do when Toure infects them all with malaria?

Precious Roy said...

Please, Wenger's had them all on chloroquine since June.

Keith said...

No, not Sagna, I mean Southgate.

Precious Roy said...

Ha ha. I didn't even realize that Boro had put an offer in for him. Is that final, or is it just an offer?

Well, Hoyte ain't moving ahead or Sagna or Eboue.

But I fucking hate Gareth Southgate.

Keith said...

For right now, it's purely paper talk. Boro's chair is taking stick for selling us Luke Young, and word is they're pursuing Hoyte (with a bid in already), Volz from Fulham, and Steve Finnan

Andrew said...

I'm really looking forward to this season for Arsenal. Sagna is a man-beast; I'm not worried when going forward. I would like another CM just strengthen the middle.

Also, anyone know any bars in Seattle that show Prem games?

The Fan's Attic said...


are you in seattle? one of the three fucking sounders fans?

Goat said...

Anyone know any bars in Lynchburg, VA that show Prem games? I just moved here and it took me forever to get the internets. There's a bar downtown bearing the unfortunate name The White Hart but I haven't yet dared to venture in there.

The Fan's Attic said...

Goat said...

Much obliged, TFA.