Wednesday, May 6, 2009

CL Open Thread: Barcelona v. Chelsea


Oh Oh Leoooo-OHHH! And whoever's in Barca's central defense! OH!


When Luis Enrique speaks [in metaphorical terms about football and sexual ecstasy], people listen. He's promised the world a display of "Orgasmic" footy from his Barca squad (he coaches the reserves) today at The Bridge. Is it Delusions of Pleasure... or a top line to the magic the Catalans have in store today for Chelski and the world? Present party is hoping Leo and Sammy spray Cech wet with attacking grandeur, but the more reasonable sorts among us (looking... looking... they're here, I swear) have a feeling it won't cum quite so easy. Chelsea have a way of toughening up in these spots.

So here we are, just 15 minutes to kick. It's 0-0 after the first leg at the Nou Camp. A win or goal-scoring draw puts Barca through. Chelsea need to win to book their title rematch with United. And then there's always the possibility of PKs after another impotent, scoreless draw. We go flaccid at the thought.

Lineups después del salto!


First-- Michael Ballack, Nicholas Anelka, Alex, Dani Alves and Sergio Busquets are all on Darren Fletcher Alert-- one yellow and OUT for the final.

Second-- Questions! Will Thierry Henry man up and play? (Answer: NON) Who will play center back for injury and suspension-ridden Barcelona? Rafa Marquez is out with that knee injury (is it no longer even a chuckle-worthy irony that the most dangerous place on the pitch for a footballer is that spot five yards clear of other players and the ball?) and Captain Carles Puyol misses out after collecting one too many yella cards. It'll probably be Gerry Pique and Eric Abidal/Yaya Toure. (Answer: TOURE) That's my wild guess at 1.45 pm et. By the time you see this there will be an actual lineup right below...

right here...

So it goes:

For Chelsea--

Cech

Bosingwa, Alex, Terry, Cole

Essien, Ballack, Lampard, Malouda

Anelka, Drogba

Subs: Hilario, Ivanovic, Mikel, Kalou, Belletti, Mancienne, Di Santo


For visiting Barcelona--

Valdes

Alves, Abidal, Pique, Toure

Busquets, Keita, Xavi, Iniesta

Eto'o, Messi

Subs: Pinto, Caceres, Gudjohnsen, Bojan Krkic, Sylvinho, Alex Hleb, Pedro


Already y'all, we are off in a just a few minutes. Let's hope for a nut-busting second leg. (You promised, Luis!)


219 comments:

1 – 200 of 219   Newer›   Newest»
Teeknuts said...

Countdown to no more Tommy Smyth: 2 games

Magnakai Haaskivi said...

Orgasmic football? I want what he's having.

Goat said...

I just noticed that the women in the Champions League Choir in the Heineken commercials are wearing Champions League dresses. I'm going to make my wife get one of those. Off to get the kid. Hopefully I'll see some of the first half.

BackBergtt said...

ESPN still has it next year right?

These CHAAAAAMPIOONNSSS commercials are killing me.

Magnakai Haaskivi said...

Okay, open threaders, it's moral dilemma time. At home, Chelsea-Barcelona is DVRing, which I will watch with Mrs. Haaskivi at 8:00 tonight with some awesome grilled cheese from a new restaurant we found out about. Kids asleep, just me, her, sandwiches, and soccer.

However...I'm bored as fuck at work right now and could totally watch the game. Should I...

a) Abstain now to be surprised later?
b) Watch now and pretend to not know what happens, knowing that if Chelsea wins 5-0 that I'll have to sit through every agonizing goal?
c) Watch now and tell her it sucked if Chelsea wins (like I did yesterday)?
d) Something I haven't thought of yet. You have seven minutes.

Jim Hendry said...

Magnakai:

you have to watch now and feign surprise later. What else will you do with yourself until 8pm?

BackBergtt said...

That kid is as tall as Messi.

Magnakai Haaskivi said...

I can occupy myself with World Soccer Manager until later. I really just have to make it until 5:00, when I leave work and have children duties while my wife is on the wrong end of parent-teacher conferences.

And I love the CL dresses. WorldSoccerShop.com needs to carry those.

Teeknuts said...

You're not dissing grilled cheese, are you?

BackBergtt said...

Is it Chuck E. Cheese?

The NY Kid said...

I would kill a man for a good grilled cheese sammich

Magnakai Haaskivi said...

@LL: That's all they make. ;-)

http://www.meltbarandgrilled.com/

The Likely Lad said...

@teek not at all. but generally, you'd agree, grilled cheese are a diy pleasure.

BackBergtt said...

A frog killing for cheese eh? Shocking.

The NY Kid said...

that's it! Georger's out for Baltimore

BackBergtt said...

That's fine, with you gone Paris will no doubt be ripe for the conquering.

What the hell was that Didier?

Teeknuts said...

@mg That menu is ridiculous.

BackBergtt said...

no, no NO they are NOT coaches, they're managers. Coaches are the assistants.

Jim Hendry said...

yeah, Melt Bar needs to franchise to Manhattan.

BackBergtt said...

NERVY

Magnakai Haaskivi said...

@Teek: I love the picture of the guy eating the sandwich at the beginning.

BackBergtt said...

Swashbuckling? No.

The Fan's Attic said...

better not eat too many of those, you'll end up a Lampard.

The NY Kid said...

@Mags - now we all know where you live. I'll be there for dinner

BackBergtt said...

Two outstandingly Zendenesque crosses by Alves thus far.

Teeknuts said...

Wow, that was a hell of a shot by Essien.

The NY Kid said...

this Michael Essien chap, maybe we should look into him

Precious Roy said...

Jesus...

Sarah said...

Ugh.

Precious Roy said...

I give him 99 more cracks at that and I bet he'd miss all 99, but wow...

Unknown said...

wow what a strike.

BackBergtt said...

Short corners? Really Barca?

The Fan's Attic said...

Essien - 1
Xavi - 0

TFA is prescient so far.

The NY Kid said...

still doesn't change anything for Barca. 1 goal and they are through

BackBergtt said...

I don't think Derek Rae knows what 'theoretical' means.

Precious Roy said...

Well, it changes how the game is played as now we are treated to 85 more minutes of Chelsea reprising last week.

BackBergtt said...

Wait that was Toure's fault?

The NY Kid said...

good point, PR. But from Barca's perspective, they needed to attack for a goal from the get-go, so that mentality stays the same (assuming they never wanted to play for extra time/PKs).

Teeknuts said...

A Lucas-esque shot by Frankie

Precious Roy said...

Also makes Barca more susceptible to the counter as they are not the most patient side.

The Fan's Attic said...

From Soccernet:

12' And don't forget, Barca went 1-0 down early on against Real on Saturday and we all know what happened next. They pulled Madrid's pants down and spanked them silly.

Jacob said...

OK, I'm watching, but I don;t feel it. Probably not going to comment much, except to say that next year's Tron kit still looks better than the road cone orange Cech is wearing today.

The Likely Lad said...

chelsea have that '89 pistons "last year made us hungrier by a mile than any other team" look about them now. certainly, they can smell it. barca is the magician and chelsea is the raging mongrel with cocked bludgeon (easy fight to handicap, that)

The NY Kid said...

so, Iniesta can't play in any matches during the day, right?

Jacob said...

That was a yard inside the area.

Precious Roy said...

Maybe a foot, but yeah... inside.

BackBergtt said...

Isn't there some rule where it's the ref's discretion if the foul carries in from outside the area to inside?

Teeknuts said...

Wow, Barca are really riding their luck now

BackBergtt said...

That would be one of the weakest penalties ever. Don't act like the jersey pull rule gets called Tommy, you dick.

Magnakai Haaskivi said...

I've yet to find a good stream and ESPN360 is choppy as fuck. I see that Chelsea fucking scored, though, which is making my grilled cheese date less than spectacular. I should quit now and save some surprise for later.

Unknown said...

tommy smYth is PISSED.

The Likely Lad said...

Barca's good luck = Valdes good timing

Jacob said...

Possibly, but the real foul was obstruction after the turn of direction, which was obviously in the box.

If Chelsea lose out, they've had at least two penalties not called, by my eye, and I only turned it on as Essien scored. No worries though, I think, this Barca defense is a mess without Puyol and Marquez.

Precious Roy said...

Plus Georger, Drogba was offsides. Just Tivo'd frame-by-frame. Linesman missed the call.

30f said...

Wow,

Rough game for this referee to get. Not saying he is blowing it, just that there are already a bunch of calls (or non-calls) he will be answering questions about for years to come.

Please score Barça, nobody wants to see Chelsea/United again. Please...

BackBergtt said...

How much money does Smyth have on Chelsea? Christ.

Magnakai Haaskivi said...

If kickoff was at 2:45, ESPN360 is four minutes behind. That's completely retarded.

Precious Roy said...

All the money SAF pays for fellating him.

Jacob said...

And now, despite my best effort, I'm sucked in. Can't really say I'm pulling for either, just for a good game from all three teams--FCB, CFC and the refs.

Jacob said...

Ha Ha everyone, where are your ESPN360 gods now?

The NY Kid said...

and Alves is now ineligible for the final

Magnakai Haaskivi said...

Alves watches the final at home, just like you and me.

Jacob said...

Someone screencap Fat Frank in that position. I have a feeling that will be useful in future posts.

BackBergtt said...

Great Dr Evil poses from Guus

Jacob said...

And now for the personal blog moment. There's a tornado warning in my county. Would have been more fitting yesterday, Mother Nature.

Teeknuts said...

Wow, I guess that proves that Tommy Smyth reads UF. I feel so dirty

30f said...

I can't wait for ESPN to lose the CL so I can cut down on the amount of time spent listening to Onion Baggins.

The NY Kid said...

@Teek - what did he say. I am watching without sound so as to not to be fired.

Jacob said...

What was it, Teeknuts? I turned it down listening for the roar of the tornado.

BackBergtt said...

He said the 99 of 100 thing about Essien.

Teeknuts said...

Same comment PR said about missing that shot 99 more times

Magnakai Haaskivi said...

Alright, got a feed that's actually on time (provided it is, in fact, the 34:30).

Jacob said...

36.30...now

Jacob said...

Confession time--PR is Tommy Smyth and I hate him.

30f said...

I suspect Onion Baggins is a racial insensitive character played by Ricky DiNuncio from Teaneck, NJ. No one could honestly be this much of a caricature without trying.

Teeknuts said...

Do you hope he dies in his forced retirement?

BackBergtt said...

Smyth hates Messi it seems. I like how people are dumping on Messi for not scoring in this tie yet Ronaldo got a pass for two years of not scoring against a big four side and crapping himself for Portugal.

The NY Kid said...

I don't understand how Messi had time to film the new Terminator movie while La Liga was playing the whole time.

Magnakai Haaskivi said...

Does Barcelona know I actually bought a shirt of theirs? I own as many Liverpool shirts as I do Barcelona shirts. They need to start earning that.

The Fan's Attic said...

Chelsea playing that well?

Barcelona playing that poorly?

Or combo?

Jacob said...

Some days more than others, but yeah.

30f said...

Barça is NOT trying to catch Chelsea on the hop with the short corner. They almost always take short corners(esp against physically bigger teams). How do I know that and the guy being paid to know the game does not?!?

Magnakai Haaskivi said...

Get goalside, Barca.

BackBergtt said...

I blame Unicef for Barca's shortcomings in Europe the past three seasons.

Magnakai Haaskivi said...

@30f: You probably don't have a sweetass Derek Rae accent.

BackBergtt said...

Barca are going to win 3-2. Write that shit down.

30f said...

It can't be helpful that Iniesta seems to have Landon Donovan's hairline.

Magnakai Haaskivi said...

@Steve: The haircut's incidental.

BackBergtt said...

Malouda looks like the guy with the shrunken head from Beetlegeuse.

Unknown said...

you mean he was a dumbass pre-haircut?

point taken.

BackBergtt said...

Simon Adebesi's goal is the difference on this white hot night.

Teeknuts said...

45 minutes closer to the soul-crushing inevitability of a United-Chelsea final.

Precious Roy said...

Wasn't the last time Chelsea played United a boring ass 1-0 United win where, had they played for a month without stopping, Chelski never would have even threatened goal?

There's your CL Final preview.

Magnakai Haaskivi said...

You know what sucks? Chelsea played Liverpool four times this year, with a total record of W1 D1 L2, and yet may still go through past them.

Also, I'm not listening to "World Soccer Daily" until after the final if Chelsea goes through.

BackBergtt said...

Wait it was one way traffic towards Valdes? Wasn't I just watching a game where Chelsea were parking the bus and countering?

BackBergtt said...

Shaka Hislop, smarter than Tommy Smyth.

Magnakai Haaskivi said...

Maybe Barcelona needs a Gerrard-type figure to bolster their reserve in the locker room.

Jacob said...

Well, that 60-40 Barca possession edge can be deceiving, right?

Teeknuts said...

Come on now, a 10 year old is smarter than Tommy Smyth.

Email us at said...

Georger, a bag of onions is smarter than Tommy Smyth

BackBergtt said...

come one guys stop making fun of the defenceless old man :( :(

Email us at said...

To be fair to Tommy, though, he's not at the Bridge- he and Rae are in the Bristol Broom Closet. So he is forgiven for only being able to see the feed, and not the whole pitch.

Precious Roy said...

Also to be fair, Smyth is probably exhausted from being up all night trying to steal people's Lucky Charms.

Teeknuts said...

Wouldn't he be defending his Lucky Charms?

WhiteSpeedReceiver said...

Come on, Teek. One Irish stereotype is as good as another.

Precious Roy said...

Alves does know that the goal isn't on the roof of the Bridge, doesn't he?

BackBergtt said...

That's a badass captain's armband.

They've gotta get these Biscuits and Catfood or whoever the hell they are guys off the field.

Teeknuts said...

How long til Drogba starts diving every 5 minutes?

Precious Roy said...

Well, he just went down, so another 4:30...

BackBergtt said...

DROGBA FAIL

Jacob said...

Excellent fail. Anelka actually passes, and Drogba blows a relatively easy chance.

Run TMC said...

that stretch for chelsea with anelka up top and drogba on the right almost paid off

BackBergtt said...

WHAT A TACKLE

Jacob said...

A gif of that Drogba penalty whine may rival CR7's from a couple of week's ago.

BackBergtt said...

Is there something where Spanish managers refuse to make subs when people are playing like dick?

Jacob said...

This game either needs another goal, or to hurry up and get to the last ten minutes.

Run TMC said...

did rae really say "us neutrals"

BackBergtt said...

Hey let's continue to run our offense through the guy who keeps hoofing balls into the crowd.

Sarah said...

Drogba sure loves being on the ground.

BackBergtt said...

Shameful shit from Drogba. I keep telling you, they need to get rid of the continuous clock for injuries.

BackBergtt said...

You've got Bojan and Eidur (who is HUGE) on the bench and are getting close to twenty left without making a sub. Why I would think someone who wears a leather tie knows anything, is beyond me.

Jacob said...

Lionel needs to grow his hair back.

Jacob said...

Red. Book it. Done.

BackBergtt said...

And the French continue to ruin football.

OH MY GOD WHAT A DIVE

30f said...

Make up call!

Jacob said...

(pay no attention to who got the card)

Jacob said...

Karma Police, injure this man

Unknown said...

die drogba die.

Run TMC said...

that was atrocious. and i'm a blues fan

Unknown said...

can i resuscitate the howard webb jokes, pretty please??

The Fan's Attic said...

If Chelsea goes through, I actually want them to have all of their players for the match, just like United (save for Fletcher).

Precious Roy said...

Phil, it was Anelka that took the dive.

Precious Roy said...

There has to be a make-up call coming. Who is on a YC for Spartak?

BackBergtt said...

Essien, still dirty as hell.

phil said...

Oops. I just have this habit of typing "Drogba" before "dive" because the two words are so often associated.

phil said...

Belletti on for Drogba.
That sound you hear is the bus being parked in front of the goal.

Jacob said...

Good job, Alex.

BackBergtt said...

Alex out for the final. Oops.

30f said...

No that sound is Platini screaming and stamping his foot, C-Ron style.

Jacob said...

LAst great chance?

Run TMC said...

essien, perhaps dirty as hell. still, is their a player in the world, aside from maybe messi since his age, that you'd prefer to build a team around

Unknown said...

see that should be a red for alex, by these standards.

30f said...

As much as I want Chelsea to go away, they have made Messi disappear. Takes some doing, that.

The Fan's Attic said...

i've said it before and i'll say it again in the future, and i will say it now, if essien weren't playing for chelsea he would without a doubt be one of my absolute favorite players in the world. right now he still makes the top 10.

he remains the sole footballer i that has ever made my dreams. somehow i knew him in high school and played a pickup game with him. weird.

BackBergtt said...

yeah .... that's a pk

Jacob said...

If I was a Chelsea fan, I'd be very worried about the no calls now. No room for error.

YNBA (artist formerly known as Herringbone) said...

This match is just plain weird...I am watching it and I still think that Chelsea is going to lose...

I am just waiting for a 'Brave' John Terry mishap to occur. We've already had the Drogba dives..which are commonplace for Chelsea Champions League match

Run TMC said...

i hate that tommy smyth is pulling for chelsea.

i root for chelsea because my uncle liked them. i'm wearing an essien jersey because hes the man

phil said...

Obvious handball.

30f said...

I posted this in the first half. Still seems to apply now:

Wow,

Rough game for this referee to get. Not saying he is blowing it, just that there are already a bunch of calls (or non-calls) he will be answering questions about for years to come.

Please score Barça, nobody wants to see Chelsea/United again. Please...

Unknown said...

they must play a different sort of football in norway.


also, ca. 7 minutes until i have to eat my words from last week regarding barca's inevitable goals...

EbullientFatalist said...

Well, this is a disappointing scoreline.

BackBergtt said...

Messi fall down go boom!

Jacob said...

Sorry, but there is no way he can give that now, Messi.

BackBergtt said...

Christ, Pep should be fired for THAT.

Precious Roy said...

I hate football.

Unknown said...

tommy smYth is pissed that Pep would dare talk to Guus during the game.

BackBergtt said...

Look at the Barca players laughing on the bench. I just can't take La Liga seriously.

EbullientFatalist said...

So, should we have an anti-CL final liveblog?

BackBergtt said...

How is Lampard in the stands and on the field at the same time?

EbullientFatalist said...

Barcelona look all outta sorts. They look like Arsenal.

On a good night.

Precious Roy said...

Maybe there is a Meredith Baxter Birney movie on Lifetime opposite the CL final we can liveblog.

Jacob said...

Full credit must be given. Barca have been shut down without a sniff tonight.

BackBergtt said...

NOSFERATU

EbullientFatalist said...

XAVI XAVI XAVI

Sarah said...

GOL GOL GOL GOL!!!

30f said...

YAYYYY. Way to go Spanish Landycakes!!!!

Unknown said...

YES YES YES

BackBergtt said...

And Derek Rae blows the goal call.

Reminiscent of Gerrard v Olympiacos

Signal to Noise said...

WOO INIESTA!

BackBergtt said...

EBJT FTL

jape said...

NICE!

BackBergtt said...

oh no

Teeknuts said...

bad feeling about this corner

Jacob said...

Well, I guess that's a sniff then.

Sarah said...

Iniesta, I fucking love you.

Tenim un nom el sap tothom,
Barça, Barça, Baaaaaaarça!

Jacob said...

How can Ballack get his runners up medal this year?

BackBergtt said...

God Eidur is good looking.

What?

Jacob said...

Ballack is going deservedly apeshit.

Teeknuts said...

Oh my god Ballack is ready to bite the refs head off.

phil said...

After the trainload of shit Ballack was allowed to get away with in the first leg, he needs to STFU.

EbullientFatalist said...

This game is wonderful. The past ten minutes had everything I find compelling about football.

Jacob said...

I hope that ref has one hell of a security detail.

30f said...

How many different Cheslea complaints will there be? Ugh.

Please hold on Barça!

Precious Roy said...

Yipee!

jape said...

Ut oh - Balllick has gone mad!

Jacob said...

Any after the match red cards, do you think?

Teeknuts said...

Shit game, brilliant ending

EbullientFatalist said...

Here comes the "Chelsea Huddle."

YNBA (artist formerly known as Herringbone) said...

Dont even care who Barca will be missing for the final...doesnt matter...

Any team with Drogba on it doesnt deserve happiness...

Unknown said...

i'd rather ManUre win than Chelsea any day.

Precious Roy said...

Well seeing how they were undeservedly a man, don't think Chelsea can have any complaints.

Jacob said...

That arm is way up in the air. That's yet another deserved penalty, no matter what Smyth says.

EbullientFatalist said...

So, we're all pulling for United in the final, yeah?

The Fan's Attic said...

I'd rather Chelsea than ManU.

Ronaldo is going to destroy Barca.

I'm glad I'm going to be in Mexico getting the swine flu on the 27th.

Precious Roy said...

I'm going to rewind it to the Chelsea kid crying and leave that up the rest of the day.

Yes I am a small human being.

EbullientFatalist said...

There were at three questionable non-calls in the last few minutes; they could've gone either way, and they didn't for Chelsea. It's a cruel game, sometimes. Deal with it.

Jim Hendry said...

I hear Howard Webb is reffing the final. Thoughts?

BackBergtt said...

"John Terry looks utterly crushed, Ballack looks as if he's about to strangle someone and Hiddink maintains his nonplussed expression. You have to feel for Chelsea, though my sympathy is ebbing away as Drogba tries to get at the referee, then looks directly down the camera screaming "It's a f****g disgrace." What a complete tool."

Since when is an armpit a handball?

Precious Roy said...

Three? One was an easy handball. What are the other two?

«Oldest ‹Older   1 – 200 of 219   Newer› Newest»