Tuesday, May 5, 2009

CL Preview, 2nd Leg: now with bullet points!


Champions League.
Arsenal.
Manchester United.
Beautiful football.
Satanism.
Nicklas Bendtner.
John O'Shea.

Something has to give, right?

We all know the deal: Arsenal host the Lancastrian baby-eaters who hold a 1-0 lead from the 1st Leg (that could easily have been 4-0 were it not for the bleach-blond brilliance of Manuel Almunia between le posts). That goal, inexplicably scored by the useless Irish utility defender and aided by some shocking marking, will force Wenger to adopt a more attacking approach.

Gone must be the slow, sideways passing, replaced by vigor and attacking intent. They have to score, and sadly, their most likely source of goals, Arshavin, is cup-tied. D'oh! Cesc is already promising such changes, but will they deliver?

Meanwhile, Fergie and his irritating brood of sociopaths will continue their smug march towards trophies, probably with some alignment of Ronaldo and Rooney dossing around up front like a couple of ADHD-addled pre-teens, looking to cause trouble amid the Gunners' hobbled backline. Christ, Ferguson has such an easy job. His lineups practically pick themselves, leaving him plenty of time to harvest stem cells with his fangs and drink himself into a stupor on the sidelines in those cushy racing-style armchairs.

We thought we'd compile a brief list of reasons why either side might win, aiming of course for the kind of journalistic integrity and reality that you've come to expect from UF.

Feel free to add your own in the comments if we're missing anything particularly trenchant.

LB -
Why United Will Win
- They're United. It's what they bribe refs and the FA in order to do.
- The ref will invariably award a contentious, game-changing decision their way.
- Rooney is in excellent form.

Why Arsenal Will Win
- They have nothing else to play for, really
- Possessors of something to prove, they need to show that the cup-tied Arshavin isn't the only solid offensive option they have.
- It's at home! They do well at home

Precious Roy -
United:
- They are better.

Arsenal:
- They have a magic pixie, who while cup-tied, is still a magic pixie.

Ian -
United:
- SAF sacrifices, blows goats

Arsenal:
- Wenger is a genius, doesn't drink as much

Seriously, United really blew a chance to klll the tie by not getting more goals at OT. If the Arsenal backline can magically not get raped and Almunia has another huge game, then I think they can nick a goal or two and then who knows what happens. But realistically United are the favorites.

The Fan’s Attic -
United:
- Defensive backline is less banged up than Arsenal's.

Arsenal:
- Cesc deserves a good birthday present, one day late.


So there you have it. Don't argue with us, it's all very scientific.





9 comments:

EbullientFatalist said...

UTD: They're simply better right now.

Arsenal: Why not us? Also, I maintain a lot of trust in Wenger and his tactics.

I've made arrangements to leave work to watch the game at Finnegan's here in Tallahassee, if there are any UFers out there who'd like to join. Anyone? Bueller?

Mike Georger said...

"They're simply better right now."

Redundancy alert!


I really really want Arsenal to pull it off, but I don't trust Arsene to not play Bendtner. United are too strong.

The NY Kid said...

I've made arrangements to leave work to watch the gameGetting fired doesn't constitute "making arrangements"

EbullientFatalist said...

Ahh, I see, Georger. I should've just left "UTD." That says enough, right?

/slow

I appreciate your support today. I just read/watched Henry V's speech at Agincourt to get in the correct mindset.

Also, my 19th Cent. French Lit minor is way, WAY, more practical than your Religion minor.

Mike Georger said...

I actually bought Henry V on Sunday.

Mike Georger said...

*strictly because I watched the Shakespeare Code episode of Doctor Who on Saturday

EbullientFatalist said...

@NYK: Close. I was just brought in to "consult." Today is my last day.

Keith said...

UTD: Nicklas Bendtner.

Arsenal: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

jape said...

That didnt take long. Just out've a meeting and it's 2-Nil. Fuck me.