Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Nives Celzijus: Rules To Live By

Nives Celzijus, WAG extraordinaire, has her name back in the papers again, only this time it's as a columnist for the respected German daily Bild and not for having sex with her husband, Dino Drpic, in the center circle or dreaming about having sex on the roof of the Bernabeu.

Nives is now paid to opine about subjects that interest her but she may have no expertise in, which is a bloggers dream job. However, this time she surely has plenty of expertise because she is giving all the ladies out there the rules to live by if you want to bag yourself a pro soccer player (I imagine these rules work for most pro athletes and men for that matter).

Ladies, listen up as Nives has some great advice for you.

I don't want to plagiarize the entire article but below are some of her choice rules and explanations. The rest can be found in her column.

1. You have to be young with no baggage – so have not been with one of his colleagues.

It means you are new and undiscovered. It would be best, if I am allowed to write this, if you were still a virgin!

But women who have had two or three serious relationships are still in with a chance.

4. Never, never hassle him! Questions like ‘where are you?’ or ‘who are you out with?’ are strictly forbidden.

Sure, footballers are in much demand, but you have to ignore that.


Important tip: Sexual comfort after a defeat is always welcome!

6. Be a ‘whore’ in bed. Sex is extremely important to footballers so always look to spice things up.

If you are boring and act inexperienced he will lose interest quickly and go looking for passion elsewhere.

So there you have it, don't hassle the guy, do all the naughty things in bed, and try to be a virgin, and you will have yourself a professional footballer.


jjf3 said...

Be nearly supermodel-hot, don't fuck every member of the team (ie, be a total slut), and be sexually adventurous...

Umm, for those such ladies who aren't looking for a professional footballer, I'm more than willing to settle for the same...(and I'm not an asshole, serial cheater, or abusive dickhead - ie, nor am I a ManUre fan)...

Matt said...

I'd be alright if she had fucked every member of the team before hand.