Monday, April 27, 2009

Monday Open Thread: Relegation Nation


Adopt the squeaky bum position and join us for a tense afternoon in the EPL and Colaship.

Two games. Four teams. Three in deep doo-doo. One Highlander. Etc.

As you can see above, the lads at George Keeley's have graciously jerry-rigged some bootleg A/V with ESPN360 piped onto a TV. Bigus is currently there, wearing a hole in the floor with his frantic pacing up and down the bar as we await kick-off from Carrow Road.

So yeah, you can watch Norwich/Reading on a computer-destroying ESPN360 should you wish.

Oh, and something about Alan Shearer.

TODAY:
Newcastle v. Portsmouth
-----
The Bland Alans: Shay Given's Less Talented Replacement, Beye, Coloccini, Bassong, Jose Enrique, Smith, Nicky Butt, Hard-Workin' Duff, Aussie who should retire, Martins, Crocked Midget.
Subs: The Evil Krul!, Barton the Thuggish, Guthrie, Gutierrez, Peter "Peace" Lovenkrands, Edgar, Carroll.

Pompey: Butterfingers James, Glen Johnson, Solololol Campbell, Distin, Hreidarsson, Davis, Belhadj, Hughes, Mullins, The Nuuuug, Man Who Hopes to Have Nachos.
Subs: Begovic, Pennant, Pamarot, Utaka, Cranie, Kanu, Basinas.

With Mike Riley in charge, you can almost smell the botched penalty decision that swings the game dramatically to favour one side. Shearer has done nothing to lift the Magpies whatsoever, so I'm going with a dramatic, agonizing 1-1 draw.

Norwich v. Reading
-----
Canaries: Marshall, Otsemobor, Shackell, Doherty, Bertrand, Gow, Clingan, Russell, Carney, Lee, McDonald.
Subs: Nelson, Cureton, Lappin, Leijer, Daley

Hooped Spoilers: Hahnemann, Rosenior, Bikey, Duberry, Harding, Cisse, Karacan, Kebe, Little, Kitson, Long.
Subs: Federici, Matejovsky, Doyle, S Hunt, Pearce

No clue here. Narrow, fraught, desperate 1-0 home win via a late goal from a teenager. Or something like that.


87 comments:

The NY Kid said...

Hello?

/crickets

The NY Kid said...

The Canaries are looking a little leaky at the back there

The NY Kid said...

The pitch right in the goal-mouth looks like crap. Who is in charge down there at Carrow Road, groundskeeper Willie?

Mike Georger said...

FUCK YOU!

The NY Kid said...

quite an entrance, Georger.

what's your beef?

Mike Georger said...

No beef, just wanted to make an entrance.

The NY Kid said...

good Lord! Russell almost killed a man. I hope baby Bigus tackles better than that.

Mike Georger said...

I take that back, I've got beef. One, it's ninety fucking degrees in April. Two, roughly four billion dandelions have popped up at my complex and the landlord won't mow the grass. Three, I'm sick and have a final tomorrow that I have no notes for. Four, the Dutch.

Steve said...

hooray finally got 360 to work!

Mike Georger said...

Cody MacDonald has ... something like a mullet/undercut combination. The British must be stopped.

Precious Roy said...

Portsmouth will score on 2 of every 3 counters they get today.

The NY Kid said...

Color me surprised that Reading couldn't stay up. An attempted header as a pass goes 30 feet in the air and then over the touchline

Magnakai Haaskivi said...

Hey now, leave the Dutch out of this.

Mike Georger said...

yellows yellows yellows sounds remarkably like dreidel dreidel dreidel

The NY Kid said...

Bigus would like you all to know that the Canaries' groundskeeper won Groundskeeper of the year last year for his efforts at Carrow Road.

Mike Georger said...

The chat room over at the Justin feed is hilarious.

"3:16ronalio14:norwich fans are tractor riding faggits"

ooooo nice shot

phil said...

I don't think I can watch a football match after Saturday. That killed a little piece of my soul.

verification word: schiesse

How apropos.

Mike Georger said...

I'm assuming this game is at City, what's up with the box? Do the Marlins play baseball there or something?

phil said...

I'm convinced that justin.tv chats consist solely of people who have been banned from commenting on youtube.

And are therefore among the funniest things known to man.

Mike Georger said...

I feel like there should be a Traore in this game.

The NY Kid said...

Best Norwich player ever:

Kevin Keelan?
Bryan Gunn?
Iwan Roberts?
Darren Huckerby?

Mike Georger said...

Ruel Fox ftw!

This McDonald kid can run.

The Hundley said...

Since when did subs get awarded with the POY?

The NY Kid said...

well, it's tough to argue against a guy from Montserrat ancestry who played for Norwich despite being born in Ipshit

The NY Kid said...

oh, that was a vicious strike from Klingon

Keith said...

at 20 minutes we've had one shot and one yellow in the Pompey/Codes game- tres exciting.

JT said...

Magpies fans should watch the Norwich/Reading game to get an idea of what awaits next season

The NY Kid said...

Bigus would like you all to know that Darren Eadie was better than Ruel Fox.

And that they fuck sheep in Norwich.

Precious Roy said...

Danny Guthrie looks:

A) 12

B) lost

Mike Georger said...

I can't tell if this Bet 365 commercial is supposed to be an incredibly stereotypical Asian, or Lee Corso.

Steve said...

a couple of nice shots from norwich, but they need to get a few more clear cut chances going.

on a side note, it's kinda cool listening to the pa announcers on 360. a nice change from the talking heads.

Mike Georger said...

I don't think Ruel Fox is their best player, I just felt like throwing it out there because I was the only one who could answer Bigus' question last summer of who was the Montserrat who was born in Ipswich that played for Norwich.

Mike Georger said...

Oh wow, Alan Smith, I forgot about this guy. I'll be honestly bummed if Newcastle get relegated, not sure why.

Steve said...

how is the newcastle game looking? i can't get it on any feed. looking like they have a chance to win, or what?

Precious Roy said...

Yeah, Magpies have 4 strikers out there if you count Smith.

Is there a record for the largest ratio of time in the opponents box to shots on goal? Think Newcastle are threatening it for the first half.

Precious Roy said...

Steve:

Newcaastle has what looks like a 4-2-4, they've spent most of the half in the Pompey side of the pitch, and they've maybe forced one save from James.

Mike Georger said...

God I hope Liverpool break the bank for Johnson.

phil said...

Newcastle have Duff at LB? WTF? Seems like Shearer has accepted their fate.

Precious Roy said...

Martins just cheesed from the front of the 6.

Mike Georger said...

OH MARTINS COME NOW!

Steve said...

thanks, PR. So typical Newcastle ineptitude, then?

oh and I agree with Georger - would be weird to have Newcastle out of the Premier. What would I have to look forward to mid-season if not Newcastle's inevitable sackings?

Mike Georger said...

How the hell was that a corner?

phil said...

'Arry will poach Johnson, Georger, but we'll gladly sell you Gareth Bale.

Precious Roy said...

When Pompey do start to move forward, it's like they spend time trying to break down a midfield that's not even there.

Strange.

Precious Roy said...

Half. Zeroes.

Do or do not do, Shearer. There is no try.

Mike Georger said...

The fuck we want with a left back that can't defend? We've got those in droves.

c0rrine said...

i watched a bit of the preshow at my friends house who had setanta

now that it seems like manutd have it in the bag its fun to focus more on the relegation battle ha

Bigus Dickus said...

Hello, hello. We are the norwich boys(in keeleys). Hello. Hello, we are the norwich boys (in keeleys) if you are an ipswich fan surrender or you die. We all follow the city!

phil said...

@Georger: That was kind of the point....

I do covet Johnson, though, and hopefully 'Arry can work the old coach angle and lure him over.

Steve said...

but, Georger, do you have a Welsh one?

Mike Georger said...

"That was kind of the point.... " I know :)

"do you have a Welsh one?"
Hm, excellent point.

Bigus Dickus said...

Fucking robbed. Cisse just fell over and grabbed the ball in the box. Ref on the half way line. Blatant pen.

Mike Georger said...

Norwich better score or a fight better break out, I'm losing quality napping time.

Mike Georger said...

Wow nice dive dickhead.

EbullientFatalist said...

Georger: this isn't putting you to sleep?

Come on, Norwich! On the ball City!

(Did I do this right?)

Mike Georger said...

Apparently Bunny Colvin plays for Reading.

Two Yellows Equal Red said...

@phil - Jose Enrique had to go off after 25 minutes with a hamstring. Duff moved back then.

Mike Georger said...

Damn, tough angle to hit that for Lee.

EbullientFatalist said...

Yeah, and then we've got Marlo Stanfield at Villa. The game is still the game. It just got more fierce.

Mike Georger said...

OH NO

EbullientFatalist said...

See you in League One, Norwich.

EbullientFatalist said...

What a shit goal. Long shouldn't have celebrated that.

Steve said...

damn! i was trying to figure out what "OH NO," and EB's comment meant, then my feed caught up.

damn.

phil said...

@ TYER: thanks!

Ah, shit. Poor Bigus.

EbullientFatalist said...

Camon Norwich!!!

I've not nothing.

Steve said...

i'm off guys - here's hoping Norwich can pull off the miracle.

EbullientFatalist said...

Newcastle Utd playing at Peterborough next season . . . Best thing ever, or BEST thing ever?

Mike Georger said...

Ouch.

EbullientFatalist said...

Ok, so Norwich City are really going down now. What absolutely shitty, shitty defending.

Keith said...

Andrew, I'm just waiting for the match when Shearer decides he's had it with Newcastle's strikers not being able to hit the broad side of a barn, and suits up for the second half.

EbullientFatalist said...

Keith: based upon the highlight clips the UFers posted a few days ago, I'm not so sure that's a bad idea.

Precious Roy said...

Given how badly Viduka is sucking wind, that could be any second now.

phil said...

And that's that. Reading find a second. Damn.

Keith said...

Well, he retired from the prem for a reason, but I'm sure he could still fire the Geordies to instant promotion next year in the Colaship.

At his age, he'd still be an improvement over Mark Viduka.

phil said...

Fucking Viduka can't even capitalize on a huge mistake by Calamity. What a fat waster.

EbullientFatalist said...

Bigus: Still a GD opportunity for Norwich, regardless if they lose?

But, they do not look good right now.

Precious Roy said...

I kind of want Newcastle to stay up as well. Then they show pictures of Mike Aheley and I think I might reconsider.

At least score to make it interesting for Hull.

phil said...

@ EF:

Fomr the Yahoo live text: "Norwich will be counting on Barnsley losing at Plymouth on Sunday while they will have to beat Charlton. That is if it stays the same here." So it appears there's still some GD hope for Norwich.

phil said...

What a run by Johnson!

And he fucks it up.

This game is destined for a nil-nil finish.

EbullientFatalist said...

Thanks, Phil. Reading looked good. Colahship is having a good season; all around, I've been very happy with all the leagues this season.

phil said...

Newcastle is basically allowing Pompey in to the area, but Pompey staunchly refuse to score. Wonderful football here.

phil said...

And Andy Carroll clotheslines Johnson, and is inexplicably not sent off.

Precious Roy said...

+1 to the Pompey fans for singing "You're Worse than Sunderland."

phil said...

COLOCCINI HOOFS THE WINNER! All kinds of space and he sends it sailing. That's at least the 4th sitter these two teams have hoofed.

Mike Georger said...

We may not win the league. But at least Liverpool won the Reserves Senior Cup, bitches!

jjf3 said...

Jeez, the Canaries game sucked to follow at work, especially with only text updates. That totally ruined my afternoon. At least they're not done yet, but its no longer in their hands to stay up...fucking Mondays.

Sorry, BD.

ΓΌ75 said...

Fuck. I was really hoping for good news when I got home.

/There was no joy in East Anglia that day...