Sir Alex Ferguson Saeed al-Sahaf

So after yet another rather listless 0-0 draw for United against Villarreal, Sir Alex Ferguson took the occasion of the postgame to complain about... wait for it... wait for it...

Yes, the officiating.

Oh, Sir Alex what we would do without your ritual bitching that you are on the business end of every whistle despite the fact that pretty much the opposite is the case? I think I'd dance a jig, but that's a post for another day.

Anyway, first SAF came out to say that Rooney atoned for his dive in the box: "He apologised to me and said he didn't mean to do that. Then I gave him a lollipop for admitting he was being dishonest."

Okay, I made that last part up, but hey, someone gave Fergie a map to the high road. Too bad he summarily used it to wipe his Scottish ass. He continued: "I think he's been watching (Villarreal forward) Robert Pires too much. At least he apologised to their players. You'd never see Pires do that."

So even when a United player dives, a) his actions are still laudable relative to other players who do the same thing and b) it's an occasion to take a cheap shot at an opponent. Curious choice of Pires there, too. Wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that he used to play for Arsenal, would it?

Then SAF added this gem about Cristiano Ronaldo: "The systematic fouling on him, that's what's now happening. It's a tactic. Eventually the referee thinks he's diving all the time." Actually the referee thinks he's diving all the time because he is diving all the time. Ronaldo starts trying to locate the ref as he's going to the ground so he knows where to aim the pouty face as he appeals for a whistle.

Finally Sir Alex made the assessment that "The referee was very fair and strict with both teams." Okay, so here's the stat line: Villareal were whistled for 10 fouls and United for 24; meanwhile United were given 2 yellow cards while Villarreal were shown 3 yellows and one straight red.

Here's the comment from the Soccernet gamecast on the red card: "Oh! A straight red for Capdevila after a foul on Ronaldo. Not much in it really, a bit of a high leg, and it was late, yes, but that's never a straight red. Ronaldo did his bit of course."

So, United is clearly the more physical team (almost 2 and a half as many fouls!) yet they receive fewer cards and get to play the last 10 minutes with a man advantage after a dubious sending off for Capdevilla, but no, United is the one who is being treated unfairly by the referees.

At least Baghdad Bob was slightly amusing in his inability to grasp reality. But even he got one correct every now and then..