Yahoo Fantasy Football Advice

Last week's advice was easy as there were no Premiership matches. This week I have to actually think about which players would be a good/bad choice. As I sat around having no life, thinking about fantasy footie, I realized it's absurd I would even think to write this column.

I have no credentials for this....whatsoever. I watch soccer when I can, although it is tough to sit at my computer at 6:00 a.m. to watch sopcast. I have played the game most of my life, but since I am not a professional I imagine my understanding of the game is about on par with others who have played the game. That's about it. In the one full season I played YFF, I acquitted myself nicely finishing third in a league and in the 97th percentile overall and this season I am doing moderately well.

So, I guess what I am saying is take my advice with a grain of salt. I'm not an expert, I just play one on the internet. Moreover, there are lots of sites out there with far more in-depth analysis than I will ever provide, although, I will certainly cull (steal) from those sites to benefit you. If I say you should do something and it turns out well, I deserve all the plaudits. If I say you should do something and it turns out poorly, blame yourself for listening to some idiot on the internet.

What are you thinking? Listening to some yahoo on a blog. Jeez.

I do have some rules I like to play by that may or may not be helpful. Unless you are Wayne Rooney, you could probably figure out these rules on your own, if you haven't already. These rules aren't hard and fast but I generally like to follow them unless there is good justification otherwise.

That said, what I say means absolutely nothing because this is just a stupid game we all play for fun.

Rule #1 (in no particular order of importance)
So, my first rule to live by when choosing a team: Pick players from teams with good matchups. Duh! So, look for teams from the top of the table playing teams from the lower table. Teams playing at home, etc. Obviously, there are exceptions. For example, the Spurs blow, but they score a ton, so its offensive players are a good choice if priced right. This week I am looking at Birmingham @ Arsenal; Liverpool @ 'Boro; Newcastle @ Man U as good matchups.

I am wary of Arsenal since they have suffered the injury bug and ANC defections, particularly in the defense. Liverpool has been up and down this season but I expect them to come out fired up against a crappy 'Boro. Man U? Well, it is Man U and their offense is incredible and the defense is pretty good too, whereas Newcastle....er...not so much.

Other interesting matchups are:

Fulham @ West Ham - Fulham is really bad, especially on defense, but West Ham isn't much better on defense. Could be a high score here. Look at the offensive players and not the defense. So, Clint Dempsey might be a good bet but he's kinda spendy now.

Tottenham @ Chelsea - Chelsea has been decimated by injury and the ANC so they could be susceptible to Tottenham's potent offense. Tottenham's defense on the other hand is about as impenetrable as Paris Hilton's crotch. Ballack is in form right now as is Berbs. And, Chelsea just signed Anelka...so he'll probably get the start seeing how they have no healthy strikers right now. Although, I wonder how well he will do with very little practice with the squad.

Easy, peasy. Pick the good teams to choose players from and voila, success!

Bonus Rule

Consider yourself lucky and you get an extra, mindblowing, genius rule. Drumroll.....

DON'T PICK PLAYERS THAT WON'T PLAY. THEY WILL HURT YOUR SCORE.

So, don't pick these guys, who are off to Africa for the ANC:

Arsenal
Toure, Ivory Coast
Eboue, Ivory Coast
Song, Cameroon

Birmingham City
Nafti, Tunisia
Jaidi, Tunisia

Blackburn
McCarthy, South Africa not selected to squad
Mokoena, South Africa

Bolton
Dioff, Senegal
Meite, Ivory Coast

Chelsea
Drogba, Ivory Coast
Kalou, Ivory Coast
Essien, Ghana
Mikel, Nigeria

Everton
Pienaar, South Africa
Yakubu, Nigeria
Yobo, Nigeria
Anichebe, Nigeria not selected to squad

Fulham
Kamara, Senegal

Liverpool
Sissoko, Mali

Middlesbrough
Mido, Egypt

Newcastle
Martins, Nigeria
Geremi, Cameroon
Beye, Senegal
Faye, Senegal

Portsmouth
Utaka, Nigeria
Kanu, Nigeria
Muntari, Ghana
Traore, Mali not selected to squad
Diop, Senegal

Reading
Bikey, Cameroon
Fae, Ivory Coast

Sunderland
Etuhu, Nigeria

Tottenham
Ghaly, Egypt
Zokora, Ivory Coast

West Ham United
Pantsil, Ghana

Wigan
Camara, Senegal
Olembe, Cameroon