FA Cup wrap-up [because I feel like we have to]

Drogba's so gay for metal objects.

I've always loved the FA Cup Third Round. It's the great social leveller among football teams, as minnows bulldoze at Premier League sides with abandon and nothing to lose while over-paid twats from the upper echelons stutter nervously through 1-0 away wins at grounds frozen in time from the mid-80s.

This weekend was no different. What happened to the top-tier Goliaths?

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Everton 0, Oldham 1
A source of special joy for me. The Toffeemen finally come unstuck against a team pluckier than even they thought possible. Eat a dick, Tim Cahill. I hate you.

Ipswich 0, Portsmouth 1
Lucky Pompey. A dubious red card half an hour in [documented somewhere below by u75] thanks to the best dive you'll see this season [thanks, Pedro Mendes! It's the only end-of-season accolade you're winning!] doomed the men from the South-East, along with inspired second-half goalkeeping from formerly-good David James.

Blackburn 1, Coventry 4
Sure, a weakened team thrown onto the field at Ewood Park, but Coventry aren't exactly good at making the most of good luck. They shit all over Hughes and his blue/white stripers, thanks to some cracking goals by people you've never heard of. [Oh wait, you might know Dele Adebola. He was doing well, once upon a time. The Maltese falcon, Michael Mifsud, might well appear in the EPL soon too.]

Bolton 0, Sheffield United 1
Hardly surprising. I blame El-Hadji Diouf. He's fucking awful.

Bristol City 1, Middlesbrough 2
Lucky bastards.

Chelsea 1, QPR 0
Ditto.

Derby 2, Sheffield Wednesday 2
The Owls are awful at holding a lead. Derby fought hard from 2-0 down to earn a replay at Hillsborough. Giles Barnes is one to watch for the future.

Fulham 2, Bristol Rovers 2
Again, Fulham fought hard. Rovers deserved better.

Luton 1, Liverpool 1
Please God, make it stop. I hate John Arne Riise. I hate Rafa Benitez. I love how our team falls apart when #7 and #9 are absent. Can we find a suitor who'll pay 6 million pounds for Dirk Kuyt? Any suckers out there?

Burnley 0, Arsenal 2
Hardly the stuff of legends. Thanks to another dubious red card [it was a fucking yellow, you Gooner apologists], Burnley were always playing catch-up, and Eduardo's sweet goal and equally-sweet assist sealed the deal. Why doesn't he play more, again?

Stoke 0, Newcastle 0
The noose around Big Sam's neck tightens. Alan Shearer.... clear your day-planner shortly.

Aston Villa 0, Man Utd 2
Lame duck game, inevitable result. David Pleat jacked off watching it!

West Ham 0, Man City 0
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Tottenham 2, Reading 2
Two teams combine for 6 less goals than last time. Berbs, you're slacking.

Sunderland 0, Wigan 3
As much as I love Roy Keane's new-found rational temperament, he's not getting many good results, is he?

Huddersfield 2, Birmingham 1
Shocking, stunning late winner for the home side. Truthfully, no-one really that shocked.